my need to fix this is killing me

Drabble List

So I just finished posting the last of the previous volley of drabbles so I decided to come up with a new prompt list. It’s mostly a hodge-podge of stuff from my own brain or inspired by songs or different shows and stuff but there are some from other prompt lists so, if anyone wants me to give credit, drop me a message and I’ll be sure to do so.

  1. “If you had asked me to stay, I would’ve.”
  2. “You’re too good for this world.”
  3. “Could you be happy, here, with me?”
  4. “How long do we have?”
  5. “Do you think we’re bad people?”
  6. “How did we become this?”
  7. “I can hardly stand myself.”
  8. “Go to hell.”
  9. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m going to take care of you.”
  10. “There was a time before all of this.”
  11. “No one will ever believe us.”
  12. “Don’t come near me or I swear I’ll kill you.”
  13. “My hobby is making fun of you when you talk.”
  14. “I used to do a lot of things.”
  15. “It doesn’t matter. You’ve moved on and I have to be okay with that.”
  16. “Do you wish things had happened differently?”
  17. “Don’t you dare look him in the eye.”
  18. “I’ll be here as long as it takes.”
  19. “We were never meant to fight on our own.”
  20. “Something’s clearly wrong.”
  21. “There’s nothing I can do anymore.”
  22. “This is going to hurt.”
  23. “I don’t need to be the hero tonight.”
  24. “Am I ever going to see you again?”
  25. “We always have a choice.”
  26. “You’re holding back.”
  27. “I don’t want to feel like this tomorrow.”
  28. “Is that a threat?”
  29. “If you don’t like this world then change it.”
  30. “Are you kidding me? We’re not fine!”
  31. “You may be an idiot, but you’re my idiot.”
  32. “Keep your eyes on me.”
  33. “You can lie to yourself but don’t lie to me.”
  34. “I wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing.”
  35. “If you make one more stupid pun, I will literally stab you.”
  36. “I wasn’t going to mention it.”
  37. “I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.”
  38. “I’m here for you.”
  39. “What are you so happy about?”
  40. “That’s not what I meant and you know it!”
  41. “You’re putting words in my mouth!”
  42. “We have to stick together.”
  43. “We’ll get through this. I promise.”
  44. “Don’t leave me behind.”
  45. “What are you looking at?”
  46. “How did you find me?”
  47. “Who did this to you?”
  48. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”
  49. “I have to tell you something.”
  50. “I need more time.”
  51. “You deserve better than me.”
  52. “This isn’t fair!”
  53. “If you kill them, you’d better kill me too, because otherwise I’m going to kill you.”
  54. “Please don’t shut me out.”
  55. “You are my best friend in the whole world, okay?”
  56. “Don’t you dare die on me!”
  57. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
  58. “You’re out of your damn mind.”
  59. “No one can hurt me like you can.”
  60. “You are my sunshine.”
  61. “This is all my fault.”
  62. “Please, don’t cry.”
  63. “Maybe I can’t fix you but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.”
  64. “You should see this.”
  65. “You make me feel invincible.”
  66. “I’ll keep you safe.”
  67. “Don’t look at me like that.”
  68. “Let’s do something crazy.”
  69. “We are not going to steal someone’s dog.”
  70. “Do you trust me?”
  71. “You don’t get to pick and choose. You’re stuck with me.”
  72. “You know I’m gonna win, right?”
  73. “Don’t underestimate what a person can do to protect those they care about.”
  74. “I didn’t mean what I said.”
  75. “Do you ever follow directions?”

Official Graveyard Shift Lyrics

Rats
Well Mrs. Pharmacist / I insist / fix me up with something quick
I’ve been a bad little boy and I think i’m getting sick
Sick to the bone / slave to the flesh
Better put on my Sunday’s best      
I’ve been bad little boy… little boy

I’ve got a dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty little secret
And I’m not not not sure that I wanna keep it
So we feed ourselves lies to submit to the shadows
Cause we just wanna dance under our pretty perfect halos

Everyone’s got a secret
Whats yours? whats yours?
Don’t be shy, i’ll never repeat it  

Oh Mrs. Pharmacist / if I resist / lock me up and bind my wrists
You’ve been a bad little girl…. little girl.    
Close your eyes and listen close
I know just how much you love it
If you speak you lose your turn
So shut your mouth before I fuck it

Everyone’s got a secret
Tell me all about yours

Love. Hate.
Oh how we play the game
Cold soul
No sense of self control
Love. Hate.
Unsure to pass or play
Cold soul / now  we’re out of control

Roses are red, and my heart is black
We creep about the floor to indulge like Rats
Enraptured, we walk to nurse our obsession
Cause the roles that we play are paved with cruel intentions

Well  Mrs. Pharmacist… If you insist

I’ve got a dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty little secret
And I’m not not not sure that I wanna keep it
So we feed ourselves lies to submit to the shadows
And I just wanna shake you by your little perfect fucking halo

Everyone’s got a secret
Whats yours? whats yours?
Don’t be shy, i’ll never repeat it.


Queen For Queen
If you wanna soar with vultures, you’ll have to swallow bone
The saint charade is over / plastic royalty exposed
You wanna play the victim, to preach upon your throne                                  
No semblance of virtue as your relevance erodes

We go queen for queen  and move just like this

When you fall down
Will you back out
As you crawl through life with no crown?
Though you preach love, you package lies
Just a pawn in a kings disguise

I never said I’m perfect, there’s a guilt behind these eyes
So check me If it helps you fall asleep at night

Your skeletons are building / your closet’s getting tight
Are you the prey or spider in the web of all your lies?

When you fall down
Will you back out
As you crawl through life with no crown?
Though you preach love, you package lies
Just a pawn in a kings disguise

Don’t stop breathing in the chemicals
You don’t know humble… though you play the role
Pockets of evergreen are your amphetamine
Please stop feeding what you can’t control

YOU’LL FALL.
You’ll bend, you’ll break, (you’ll) trip over your “fame”
Be careful, or you’ll run your mouth off your face


Necessary Evil (Feat. Jonathan Davis)
Strip off the weight of morality, and check it at the door
I’ll show you the worst in me
…what i’ve become
 
Blow out the candles I need not a wish
For I am everything
Now crawl to my boots and lick
Kneel before me

Imma have my cake and fucking eat you too.

It’s my party and i’ll die when I want to, die when I want to, die when I want to
The monster you’ve made is wearing the crown
I’ll be the king and you be clown
I’ll take the blame (and) parade it around.
You’ve made me the villain you can’t live without.

Reciting violence like poetry
No you can’t sit with us
Too fashionably plain  
Now say my name
Forget everything you think you knew of who I used to be
I look much better as… as the enemy

Imma have my fucking cake and eat yours too.

I want you low
I won’t let you die
(I’ll) keep you alive
Just to remind you of what you are not

It’s my party and i’ll die when I want to
you wanna see me fail, but I won’t die for you.


Soft
You’re mine motherfucker

Let me begin with envy’s a sin
You’ll have to find new words to invent
Cause I’ve heard your broken record, and i’m not impressed

I love when you talk, I just use it to drive me
I won’t let your judgement define me
I’m not broken, so don’t fix me
I want you to hate me

Tell me what you’ve lost
Hang me on your cross
If you’re so wise, then why are you so Soft?
Do you leave your “throne” as you cast your stones?              
I’m above living under your microscope

I’m insane, I’m “insane in the membrane”
I wanna fuck your face with a switchblade
I’m not broken, so don’t fix me
I’ll leave you behind me

Internet killed the video star

Cry baby cry baby, did I just hear you whimper?
Cry baby cry…
Suck my middle fucking finger

Cry baby / Cry baby
What have you done lately?
Cry baby / Cry baby  
What have you done?

Tell me what you’ve lost.
Demonize my flaws
Do they call you when dumb needs a mascot?
Do you leave your “throne” as you cast your stones?              
I’m above living under your microscope

You dilate / god of your existence
Begging me to listen while you “pray”
Swallow in vain / sliver spoon religion
Closer from a distance

You’re mine motherfucker


Untouchable
They try to bend / they try to break me by design
But I am the nightmare that will haunt you in the light

If it’s war that you want… then I’m ready to play
And the world’s gonna know my name

Through everywhere that I go
Every failure I’ve owned
Every crack in my bones
I’m Untouchable
Like a sleeping grenade
Built to blow you away
Pull the pin… I explode
I’m Untouchable.

Born of the ground I dug myself out from the dirt
With every scar I will avow to shake the earth

Unless it’s blood that you want.. then get the fuck out my way
Cause the world’s gonna scream my name

I will never be silenced
I will eclipse the pain

You can’t let it go      
(It’s) the price that we pay
But I own the grave from which I came
You reap what you sow
We don’t bleed the same  
Cause I own the rights to my own fate
And i’ll sleep a king on my deathbed

Through everywhere that I go
Every failure i’ve owned
Every crack in my bones
I’m Untouchable
Like a sleeping grenade
Built to blow you away
Pull the pin… I Explode
I’m Untouchable.

Every mile from home
Every failure I’ve owned
Every crack in my bones
I’m Untouchable
Like a sleeping grenade
Built to blow you away
Pull the pin… I Explode
I’m Untouchable.


Not My Type: Dead As Fuck 2
She’s got no soul / heart black as coal
She’s from Hollywood Forever / dug her out of a hole
And here we go again / spinnin me in her web
She said “there’s just no rest for the queen of the dead”

Another trick to treat with candy apple dreams
Gonna rot her teeth cause i’m so sweet
One lick to rule them all
They crumble as they crawl

She loves me cause I like to give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat till her insides are on me
She loves me cause I give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat and nobody’s gonna stop me
And in the glow of the pale moonlight
She goes for a spin on my haunted hayride
Tried out the living but I don’t believe the hype  
Cause if she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.

She’s got a temper in stock / made of hemlock
Uses absinthe as a lip gloss
Death hawk / fresh New Rock’s                              
She’ll use your corpse as a catwalk

She’ll use your corpse as a catwalk
Plays truth or dare in the mirror
Uses absinthe as a lip gloss
Undead, but won’t shed a tear

She’s my graveyard baby
She’s my……

She loves me cause I like to give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat till her insides are on me
She loves me cause I give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat and nobody’s gonna stop me
And in the glow of the pale moonlight
She goes for a spin on my haunted hayride
Tried out the living but I don’t believe the hype  
Cause if she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.

D- E - A - D  
If she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.


The Ladder
Tragedy / a poisonous lover
You infiltrate to destroy
Vanity / a cancer unforgiving
A charlatan with poise  

Fool me once / enough is enough
Was I more than a step on your way up?
Hollowed out /  I’ve no semblance of love
Now you’re just somebody that I used to fuck.

Lest we learn / the tables turn / so i’m betting out / I’m betting out.
You can be the prey in your masquerade, but i’m getting out / i’m getting out
There’s nothing left to repair

Ravenous / self righteous and lurid
But how much more till you break?
Scavenger / so fucking undeserving
You slither in just to take what you can take

Counterfeit / I’m calling your bluff
Was I more than just a step on your way up?
Now you’ll burn and you’re flesh out of luck
Now you’re just somebody that I used to fuck

Lest we learn / the tables turn / so i’m betting out / I’m betting out.
You can be the prey in your masquerade, but i’m getting out / i’m getting out
Against insight I fed your source of revenue
But now, it means nothing to me to mean anything to you

Open grave /  I was too blind to see
That “love”, spelled to you, is “F A M E”

You fuck your way up the ladder
Going down on your way to the top
Do your arms ever tire?
Or do they heal while you climb with your mouth?  

Delete Everything
Sever the yearning / you can keep the fucking ring
Delete Everything
You can keep the fucking ring

Nothing left to repair.


Voices
Voices in my head again
Trapped in a war inside my own skin
They’re pulling me under.

I’ve swallowed myself but the fever remains
I’m numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain      
If I showed you my soul, would you cover your eyes?
If I told you the truth, would you dare me to lie?  

I keep it all inside because I know that man is every thing but kind

Voices in my head again
Beating me in a war I can’t win  
I can hear them now
Trapped in a game inside my own skin
And I don’t know myself anymore
They’re pulling me under
Voices

As I walk through this valley of shadows and death
I curse not the “wicked”, I praise not the “blessed”
If I told you the truth, you’d beg me to change
If fear were a currency, you’d own the bank

I don’t want to live so calloused and frozen / ugly and hopeless
I don’t want to live forever, I just want to live right now
You can’t take me from me

I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind


LOUD (Fuck It)
You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you
You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know
Turn it up turn it up now

Another day, a double shot of hate
Drink it up like gasoline
Underpaid, you graduate, to build somebody else’s dream

With a noose as a tie… do you fantasize of a much different life?  
The fix for who they want you to be / directly streamed to your TV

And when they turn their backs on you…

You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you
You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know
Turn it up turn it up now
Loud / Rude / When nobody hears you
You gotta stand up / You gotta commit
Say “Fuck It”, make the best of it

A broken home you’re trying to mend
You’ve got one day left to pay the rent
We’re not sure, but we believe in the lie… that it’ll all be fine, when we die

It’s so easy to grant the mirror power to control what you want to erase                      
Don’t become another victim / “Put a smile on that face”

You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you
You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know
Turn it up turn it up now
Loud / Rude / When nobody hears you
You gotta stand up / You gotta commit
Say “Fuck It”, make the best of it

The money’s in the treatment, baby, not in the cure
So they fuel your pain with fear and shame and then hand you a brochure
The money’s in the treatment, baby, not in the cure
So they build you up to watch you fall and then beg for an encore

What are you waiting for?


570
Burn it down / brick by brick / Made in 2006
Lost and found / losing grip /  I needed this
Question me not, for I gave up everything
Forget me not, cause I’ve not forgotten what this means

Strip me down, tear me apart, you’ll find one theme left
No sign of stopping till my veins rust
Strip me down, tear me apart, you’ll find one thing left
I fucking know where I came from

..And nothing can replace those lessons learned
as I stood with my brothers on the side of the road
No longer haunted by the skeletons
No longer haunted by the past

For so long, it’s all i’ve known
I’m crossing over the undertow
For so long, no one was listening
Determined to make their deaf ears ring

Miles repeat / my worst enemy… is me.
But then four soon became six… to shatter the canvas
Handed nothing / loss pulling the strings
Outlived the dead trends / united by distance

I’ve been to hell and back, with no promise of return
So I made friends with fire, to keep from getting burned
No money, no sleep. dedication
10 years on the road this is sacred
And when i’m facing a wall, I do not quit
…Cause if you mean it, you will make it.

Pulled apart in a world so demanding
I’m still here, still standing
I’ve sweat blood from Stockholm to Scranton
Still here, still standing.

You can always rinse the surface, but the stain will remain

For so long, it’s all i’ve known
I’m crossing over the undertow
For so long no one was listening
I did my time

You live / you learn / you defy the terms, but this house will be my home
Beguiled / betrayed / it’s the price we pay, as trust will be our tomb

If you mean it, you’ll make it.


Hourglass
I’ve watched the whole world drowning in chemicals
Dissociative / but it takes it’s toll
Can I surpass time, or would I start to rust?
Depreciating / collecting dust

And I fear myself as I fall away  
In a cold deluded sense of fate
When the nightmares come, and the doubt sets in
Will the fever break, or will I burn from within?  

It’s too late to feel, I’ve lost my breath
With the hands of time around my neck
Am I more than the pen that wrote the past?
Or am I just the sand enslaved by the Hourglass?

Will I live again, or will I fade to black?    
Dehumanizing / when the heart attacks      
Will I expire before my dreams unfold?
But if the futures so bright, the path should glow

As the walls melt
and the light fades
I’m letting quicksand take me

If you look beyond the blindfold
You’ll find the hole in my soul
One fear, one mind, no hope, no time
If you look beyond the blindfold
You’ll find the hole in my soul

I’m on the edge of my seat
Holding out for a sign
Trying to rewrite the storyline

It’s too late to feel, I’ve lost my breath
With the hands of time around my neck
Am I more than the pen that wrote the past
Or am I just the sand encased in the Hourglass?

Fear is not my fate


Eternally Yours
Blow the bridge to the past / wipe the fingerprints
Melt your heart encased in wax / steal it with a kiss
Our fate engraved / scar enslaved / as we mutually destruct
Repose, my love, i’ve sinned enough for the both of us

In the name of love…..

I’m ready to bury all of my bones
I’m ready to lie but say I won’t
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To rot in this garden made of stones
Eternally yours

I feed like you taught me and selflessly swallow
We coalesce in darkness, so selfishly hollow
Examine the wreckage / writhing in tempo
Invisible anguish casting a shadow  

and in the name of love…

I’m ready to bury all of my bones
I’m ready to lie but say I won’t
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To rot in this garden made of stones
Eternally yours

As we rest in pieces, though I know not your name
I would suffer forever to absolve all your pain

And in the name of love

I’m ready to bury all of my bones
I’m ready to lie but say I won’t
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To rot in this garden made of stones
Eternally yours

I’m ready to bleed to make amends
And sleep in this dirt we call our bed
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To fall and rewrite the bitter end
Eternally yours

I’m more than willing to rot in hell with you.

The Signs as Love Quotes

(check your Venus)

ARIES:

“You are still my favourite yet most painful story to tell.”

TAURUS:

“In the end we won’t remember the most beautiful face and body. We’ll remember the most beautiful soul.”

GEMINI:

“Just remember when you’re ignoring her, you’re teaching her to live without you.”

CANCER:

“My parents warned me about the drugs in the streets but never the ones with with hazel eyes and a heartbeat.”

LEO:

“True love isn’t about finding someone who never lies. It’s about finding someone who honestly means something to you. It’s when you see someone and you fall head over heels over them and they take over your mind for that very instant and never leave. Perfect love isn’t about having a partner with no flaws, it’s about accepting their flaws and looking beyond their imperfections.”

VIRGO:

“People leave you out in the cold and get mad when you learn how to get warm by yourself.”

LIBRA:

“I love talking to you, … even if I have nothing to say.”

SCORPIO:

“When I die don’t you dare come to my grave and tell me you love me because those words were the only thing I would have needed to stay.”

SAGITTARIUS:

“She didn’t need to be fixed, just loved.”

CAPRICORN:

“Everything you love will one day kill you, whether it’s cigarettes, or drugs, or the boy with brown eyes, they all kill you in the end.”

AQUARIUS:

“I didn’t fall in love with you. I walked in love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate & destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do things we’d choose anyway & I choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you & I’d choose you.”

PISCES:

“We live in a world full of broken hearts and judgmental hypocrites.”

anonymous asked:

If there is a will there IS a way. U may not be able to do it the same way that non disabled people can, but you still can do it

I used to think that way too, before I got sick. I used to think that if I was just stubborn enough - and I’m really stubborn - then “where there’s a will there’s a way” and somehow I could do whatever I set my mind to.

But it’s simply a fact of reality that this isn’t true. It’s not being “negative” to acknowledge reality, to acknowledge that having a disability limits my abilities. That’s literally what it means. A Deaf person can’t hear, a blind person can’t see, a paralyzed person can’t walk, an autistic person can’t be allistic, and I can’t live the life of a healthy person. That’s not me giving up, that’s me acknowledging reality.

My illness prevents me from doing many of the things I want to do. I don’t “let” it stop me, it just stops me. If I tried to “find a way” to live like a healthy person, I would get so sick that I would collapse. Positive thoughts don’t make my pain and fatigue go away, it doesn’t allow me to think clearly or have the strength to leave the house more often. 

I know this is hard to accept, but there is nothing I can do to change this.

I do what I can to improve my health, I test my boundaries to see if I can do more than I think I can do, and I keep trying every single day. But a strong will can’t change a weak body. Wishing and wanting and trying can’t stop the bacteria that are ravaging and polluting my body, it can’t stop my immune system from attacking my organs, it can’t solve the mystery illnesses of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. If the disease kills me, it won’t be because I didn’t try hard enough.

Believe me, if wanting to be healthy made you healthy, I’d be the healthiest fucking person alive. If wanting to be abled made you abled, we would be abled. 

But a good attitude simply can’t fix a broken meat suit, and you healthy and abled people need to accept that too. 

You think you’re helping by telling me I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to, but you need to stop mindlessly pushing that ableist concept and realize that I don’t HAVE to be able to do whatever I set my mind to in order to be a worthwhile person. I don’t HAVE to “find a way” to be good enough. I AM good enough even though I can’t do the same things as healthy, abled people. 

I am disabled, and I am good enough.

2

hogwarts au?? also thinkin that tobari teaches defense against d.a, yukimi - muggle studies, kazuho - herbology, fuuma - transfiguration, saraba - potions, and hattori’s in the ministry? (and lol for once the defense prof wouldnt be the bad guy)

Shower Fun

Reader x Klaus Mikaelson

(NOT MY GIF)

Imagine: It’s Elena’s birthday and Damon is insanely mad with you because you are running late. You try to rush things up, but your boyfriend Klaus shows up. Let’s just say things get steamy. 

*Requested smut, read carefully. :) 

Word Count: 1784



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3

PLEASE LOVE YOUR TRANSGENDER & NON BINARY CHILDREN. THEY ARENT HURTING ANYONE. THEY ARE NORMAL AND THEY DESERVE YOUR LOVE. THATS ALL WE WANT.

I don’t care if they are 13, I don’t care if they are 30.

This is what transphobia looks like. This is what being 27 years old and your family is talking to you like a toddler and telling you “Sweetie, that’s just how the world is. We can’t change our minds. I’m sorry, we don’t love Kyle, we love Katie.”

I am strong. I will survive this. But this is what is killing children. This is what is killing adults. This is the ugly reality of things.

I went home for Christmas in the hopes I could show my family how good I was doing. Even after they told me I wasn’t allowed to come originally. I fought to be here. I had gained weight, me depression is better, my anxiety is gone, my smile was real.

But it was crushed. Every. Day. No one stuck up for me. Not even my siblings.

It’s not wrong to be transgender. You don’t need to be fixed! I don’t give a fuck if a book or some old dude tells you it’s wrong. I don’t care if your mom tells she doesn’t love you anymore and your dad hits you. It isn’t wrong. You are normal and you have to be strong and you have to live for you.

It is time to take control of your life. I don’t know what happens when we die. But I know it’s important that we live and show this world that we deserved love and respect and to be a part of a family.

Please be strong. Please choose to live because I am choosing to live and document this in the hope that one day it is going to get better and someone will find this and see even in the darkest hours we can pull through.

Kyle

[WinterIron] Disarmed

inspired by an unanswered @imaginetonyandbucky prompt: Imagine Bucky seeing the footage from the time Tony disarmed him during CW and it kinda turned him on. (Or alternatively, watching Tony handling weapons give Bucky the hots)

this is nothing like that. basically, Bucky is me in this fic


“Wait.” Bucky speaks suddenly, before he even realizes he means to. He blinks, but figures he might as well continue. “Go back a bit,” he requests, and FRIDAY rewinds the tape he’s watching. “Little more. There, play from there.”

On screen, security footage from the GSG9 headquarters shows Tony Stark confronting the Winter Soldier with only a palm repulsor that was hidden inside his watch.

“Play it again.”

“Buck?” Steve asks, looking at him in concern, but he only holds up his hand, watching the encounter play out intently. When he speaks, it’s to address the AI again.

“Can you slow it down a bunch?”

Obligingly, the footage rewinds and then inches by a few frames at a time.

“Oh my god,” Bucky whispers. “Oh my god, did I hit his sunglasses?”

“Bucky?” Steve asks again. “What’s wrong?”

He stands abruptly, throwing Steve no more than a cursory glance. “Sorry. I need to take a break. I’ll be back in a while.”

“Okay…” Steve sounds worried, but lets him go.

Bucky is not at all ashamed of taking advantage of Steve’s enormous soft spot when it comes to him. Honestly, he’d been okay with it in the days after he’d been unfrozen again, when he’d been overwhelmed by trying to erase his conditioning and untangle his memories with the help of Tony’s BARF technology and he’d barely been able to cope with taking care of himself. Then, it had been a relief to know that Steve would undoubtedly fight in Bucky’s corner to defend him from any and all politicians or press that wanted to accuse him. Now that he’s doing better, though, Steve’s self-appointed role as guardian of Bucky’s boundaries, even from Bucky himself, is starting to grate. He’d had to insist half a dozen times that it would be fine to get Steve to agree to let him review the material that is going in his own damn dossier.

Honestly, if Steve is going to fret over Bucky wanting to influence the arguments that will hopefully convince the world governments that the actions of the Winter Soldier really aren’t his fault, and then fret over Bucky wanting to take a break from reviewing footage that is, admittedly, frequently stomach-churning, he deserves to be taken advantage of.

Bucky stomps down from the viewing room into the workshop.

“Stark. Give me a pistol.”

Tony startles, snapping out of his work zone. “What? You’re not supposed to have them still.”

It’s one of the conditions that allowed them to bring Bucky stateside. Technically, he isn’t supposed to have any weapons at all, but Natasha had secretly slipped him a couple of knives because she understands.

He rolls his eyes. “Something gun-shaped, then. Doesn’t have to be functional.”

Tony considers, then rolls his chair across the floor to a storage bin and digs out an old handgrip prototype. The thing can be loaded with a clip and has both trigger and finger guard, but there’s no firing mechanism and only the most rudimentary of barrels. He hands it over.

Bucky double checks that the gun is disabled and unloaded, and then he levels it at Tony’s chest. “Right. Now take it away from me.”

Tony’s heart kicks up to triple-time as a shock of adrenaline hits his system. He’s been working on moving past his anger towards Barnes. He knows now that the man was a victim, that his parents’ deaths are on HYDRA’s hands. That’s why he fought so hard to get him the BARF, and why he offered to build a new arm. But right now, with a gun and a deadly glare pointed at him, it’s hard not to see the terrifying enemy Barnes was all those months ago. He barely notices the watch repulsor unfold in an automatic response to his distress.

“What?” Tony croaks.

“Take the gun away from me,” Bucky says patiently.

Tony stands, and reaches up to grasp the barrel.

No.”

He flinches as if the forceful tone of Barnes’ voice had been a gunshot.

“If this had been combat, I would have shot you already.” In the middle of a battle, with fear and adrenaline and chaos working against him, Bucky could understand Tony’s response; but if this is how he approaches disarming someone when he has all the time in the world to react? Bucky’s got no clue what Howard was doing, raising Tony to take over a weapons manufacturing empire without teaching him basic gun safety. “First rule of disarming someone: don’t get shot. Step to the side.”

Tony’s brow furrows as if he wants to argue. Internally, Bucky rolls his eyes. It would be just like Tony to protest because he’s worried about collateral damage to whoever might be standing behind him. Fortunately, he doesn’t say anything, and even better, he knows to step to the outside of Bucky’s extended arm.

Bucky nods. “Now turn and grab the back of the gun with your left hand. Jam your fingers in front of where the hammer would be. It might hurt, but not as much as getting shot.”

Tony follows directions. It’s good advice; blocking the hammer will prevent the gun from firing, even if the trigger’s been pulled. He still has no clue why the hell Barnes has taken it upon himself to apparently teach him this.

Now grab the front of the barrel. Twist it away from you and around towards my body.”

Tony finds himself abruptly holding on to the prototype. Barnes’ expression shifts into what might be a smile on anyone else, and he holds out his hand. Tony doesn’t give him back the gun, though, instead opting to stare suspiciously.

“No offense, Robocop, but why are we doing this?”

Bucky presses his lips together and looks away. “FRIDAY, is it possible to play the footage I was just watching down here?”

“Certainly, Sgt. Barnes.”

A video window pops up on one of the holoscreens, already looping the segment that Bucky had been rewatching. Tony blinks at it, frowns.

“So…what? You didn’t like my style?”

Bucky stares at him. He cannot believe this man sometimes, but usually that statement is accompanied by less exasperation and more being awestruck. “You put your hand in front of the barrel, Stark.”

Tony holds up his hand, still covered by the repulsor, and wiggles his fingers. “Yeah, but I had one of these on.”

“And what if you hadn’t? What happens if you get caught without it one day?”

“I won’t.” Tony knows he won’t because he always wears the watch now.

Things are tense in the Facility. He might be working towards forgiving Barnes, but outside of their regularly scheduled workshop meetings, he avoids the man. Partly because it’s awkward and he doesn’t really know how Barnes feels about him, but mostly because he’s pretty much glued to Steve’s side. And Steve…Steve, Tony still has nightmares about. Steve and his team he fought to bring to the table on the new Accords and he fought to bring them home, but he has not completely forgiven them. (They’re here because deep down, Tony still knows that something is coming—and they’re going to need all the help they can get.)

“You can’t know that! You get into the habit of grabbing guns like that, the one day you don’t have your protection, you’re gonna get shot, and if you’re lucky that bullet’s not gonna be pointed at your face. Hell, I already hit your sunglasses.”

Tony is not at all sure how to respond to that, so he says, “You didn’t, actually. Hit my glasses. It looks like that in the footage, but the bullet didn’t make it past the barrel.”

Bucky cannot even be relieved that he didn’t hit Tony. “That’s not the point. What if it had damaged your repulsor?”

“I was 98.9 percent certain that wouldn’t happen,” Tony hedges.

“And if it had? What happens when your repulsors fail?”

He resists the urge to say they never fail, because he might be a genius engineer but part of that is knowing that things always fail. “It…wouldn’t have exploded. Probably.”

Bucky grits his teeth. Honestly, it’s like Tony has never had someone care about his safety before. “Probably.”

Tony nods. He’s still a little confused by this whole thing. “Most likely.”

Bucky holds out his hand for the gun prototype. “Do it again.”

Tony hands the gun back and lets Barnes make him repeat the motions over and over, retracting the watch repulsor while he’s at it. Somehow, he doesn’t feel like he came out on top of that conversation. He feels off-balance, like he still needs to defend himself. Before he can really think about it, he finds himself saying, “Even if I did damage my repulsor—which, there’s only a one-point-one percent chance of that happening—there’s enough mass in there that a bullet wouldn’t exit my hand with enough force to kill me afterwards.”

Bucky shakes his head, bringing his left hand up to brace the butt of the gun. The motions are exactly the same, but Tony needs to learn not to let the different grip throw him off. “Not acceptable.”

Tony fakes a bright grin. “Worried about me?”

“Yes.”

That gives him more of a pause than Barnes adding in his other hand had, but fortunately at this point the motions of repeatedly disarming him have become almost automatic. “I know,” he says faux-sympathetically, “if I get my hand shot, there’s no one to fix up your arm anymore.”

Bucky is silent for a while after that as they work, wondering what the hell he’s going to do with this man in front of him. He makes Tony disarm him on the opposite side, switching his grip every couple of repetitions. He knows Tony avoids him, but Bucky doesn’t avoid him in return, not anymore. He sees the new lines in Tony’s face every time they have another session. He sees how he works his fingers to the bone on Bucky’s arm, on Rhodes’ leg braces, on Spider-man’s suit, on keeping them all safe and free. He sees that Tony is very much not okay but he keeps going anyway, and Bucky tells himself that it is possible. That he can do it too. He doesn’t understand how no one else seems to notice that what Tony does is extraordinary. He doesn’t understand how anyone can take him for granted.

Finally he says quietly, “You love building things.”

Tony drops his hands from where they were raised to take the gun again, staring.

Bucky lowers his arm. “I don’t want you to get shot because then you wouldn’t be able to do what you love.”

Tony has never, in his life, been told to make things for the joy of making them. Make yourself useful, yes. Make profit. Make things so the Avengers will stick around because he’s not a hero and he’s not a team player but he sure as hell can make fancy toys to take out the bad guys. Make things because people want them from you, and if you keep doing it for long enough, they start to expect them from you. Except the truth is, Tony does love it. He loves pushing the limits of possibility. He loves creation, he loves knowledge. He’s resigned himself to giving what he makes to those who will never truly appreciate them. And now there is this man who wants nothing from him except for Tony’s own safety and possibly his continued happiness.

Bucky sets the gun prototype down on a table. “Practice what I showed you. Until you can do it automatically no matter what. Natasha will help.” He turns to leave, then pauses. Sucking up his courage, he says, “I care about you.”

Tony stands there alone in the middle of his workshop long after Bucky has gone, utterly disarmed.

I really hate looking at my own art after I’ve finished it. Maybe it’s anxiety, maybe it’s just because it’s 4am. But, this one is particularly bad? I can’t look at it correctly. If anyone could give me criticism, please; I really need it. I’m not used to drawing backgrounds or context, so I’m not sure what I’m doing. I’m trying to learn, though. EDIT: I fixed his face. I felt really self conscious about it because that’s not what I thought I did bad. However, a good nights rest lets me see this in another eye. Thanks so much for all the help, some of the messages and tags literally brought tears to my eyes. I read every single one. I need to stop drawing until 4am.

#angst #fluff #smut

Prompts: @feed-my-geek-soul (your simple needs make me nervous)
Author: @queenofthyme

5th June 1997

He didn’t have much time. The school year was all but over. If he didn’t fix the vanishing cabinet soon he would be killed. His family would be killed. As Draco had come to know all too well, The Dark Lord was not a patient man.

He’d made progress. With the cabinet that is. While he concentrated on fixing it, he didn’t have to think about why it needed to work, about what (or who) it was supposed to be used for. He could just consume himself in its magical properties and rejig mindlessly. But the closer he came to fixing it, the more his work slowed, the more the unwelcome thoughts came creeping in.

It became impossible to deny that his success with the cabinet would directly lead to Dumbledore’s death, and that he would be expected to do it with his own hand. To look the old man in the face and – well, he couldn’t bear to think about it.

There was a part of Draco that was glad every time one of his tests failed. Another, less brave part, the bigger part of him, was terrified. Petrified. He had to make it work. Failure was not an option. Failure was death.

There was too much at stake to give a single thought to celebrating his birthday.

5th June 1998

He didn’t know how Potter knew it was his birthday. He purposefully hadn’t said anything. But here Potter was at his door, singing some silly muggle song and holding a French Apple Cake. Draco’s favourite – he hadn’t said anything about that either, had he?

Draco opened the door to invite Potter in, careful not to step outside the boundary of his doorway, lest he violate his house arrest and end up in Azkaban with his father. Potter bounded in, and made his own way to the kitchen. He had become quite familiar with the Manor over the last few weeks, visiting almost daily, despite Draco’s original protests (which had quickly faded).

Draco eagerly followed Potter into the kitchen – although he didn’t usually care much for his birthday, he couldn’t deny the appeal of apple cake. He only hoped Potter hadn’t burnt the crust as most amateurs were wont to do.

Potter hadn’t burnt the crust. And he was quite intent on ensuring Draco actually celebrated his birthday. Which, Draco supposed, was a lot easier in the company of Harry Potter. Not that he was planning on admitting it. But it was probably obvious when – midway through Potter’s third rendition of “Happy Birthday” - Draco grabbed Potter’s shirt and yanked him into his arms so he could shut him up with a kiss.

Potter kissing him back was the best birthday gift he could remember receiving.

5th June 1999

Draco held back a gasp. Harry was in Draco’s office – in the middle of the Ministry of Magic – atop his desk, completely naked.

Draco had only just left Harry at home, flooed to the Ministry lobby, and taken the lift up to his office. Harry must have been right behind him, must have run through the lobby, must have just managed to catch the lift prior before vanishing his clothes…and sure enough, now that Draco was looking, he could see the beads of sweat running down Harry’s (naked) chest.

As surprises go, it was very bold. And very Harry.

Since it was his birthday, and Harry was clearly his birthday present, Draco allowed himself to stare. That always made Harry nervous. When they were making love, Harry was confident, unashamed, delightfully wild. But in the moments between, in the silence and the stillness, Harry became shy. Those moments were Draco’s favourites.

He let his eyes rove slowly across Harry’s body, so Harry could watch every movement, so he would know exactly when Draco’s eyes fell down to find Harry hard and waiting. Harry appeared to grow harder still beneath Draco’s gaze.

When Draco looked back to Harry’s face, he was pleased to see a blush creeping up his boyfriend’s neck. Oh yes, this present would do nicely.

Draco knew he would be having a very happy birthday this year indeed.

more like this l @queenofthyme

Shameless Imagines 2- You Mean so fucking much to me (Lip Imagine)

Paring: Lip x reader

Request: Could you do an imagine where the gallaghers and Mickey find out you self harm.

Description: You werent like the rest of your Milkovich family, you were weak and you just needed something that made you feel alive again. Everything was fine until they found out and the look on Mickeys face was more than heart crushing.

Warning: Mentions of selfharm, please read with caution. i love you all.

Words:1992

Originally posted by mickeyandmumbles


lip looked at you, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He didn’t understand how it got this bad, all he wanted to do was fix you, to put every fucking piece that your dad had broken back together.  

You two had been the only ones home in the Gallagher house and decide to have some fun, It had been a while. In the moment you had forgotten about the scars on your upper thigh and Lip was making his way down when he saw them. 

“Whats wrong baby?” you asked, looking at him. His eyes had become glossy and his face had gone pale, you still not realizing what he had seen. He shook his head not saying anything and told you he felt sick before running to the bathroom.

When he got to the bathroom he slid down the walls, so unsure of what he had just saw.He knew how bad things were at home and even with the love and support of Mandy and Mickey it wasn’t even to protect you from Terry and the horrible things he had done.

Lip felt horrible and useless, he couldn’t save you. Lip had protected you from so many things, people at school, creepy guys, Karen, all of it. But lip wasn’t enough to protect you from your own dad, no one was. 

After a few minutes he had returned from the bathroom making some bullshit excuse about food poisoning and how he just wanted to lay in bed with you, honestly you were perfectly okay with that. There was something about being held by Lip that made you feel like everything would be in life.

-

Over the next few days you had noticed that lip had been acting weird, he wanted to go where ever you were, constantly asking you whats on your mind or if you were okay, being more loving and gentile than he normally had been. You had gone home to spend some girl time with your big sister Mandy. You two had been best friends since you were little, Only being 2 years apart you both had so much in common and she was just easy to talk too. You had thought for a while about telling her how bad things had gotten. Even though Terry had once again been put in jail, things hadn’t calmed down for you yet. You had been having nightmares about him returning, about hitting you or hurting Mickey and him making you watch again. You had been so traumatized by one man and it made you feel so weak, and seeing the scars afterwords had made you feel even worse but you couldn’t stop, you needed release. 

You felt kind of numb lately, feeling like you were floating through life, feeling worthless and used. You had wanted to talk to lip about it, but you didn’t want to see the look on his face. When you cried he felt broken. When he had found you on the floor after Terry had left he left broken, whenever you weren’t okay he felt broken. You could see it in his eyes and you didnt want that. You didnt want him to worry, to cry, to feel like he wasn’t doing enough because he was doing more than enough, it was just a phase of pain and once it was over you would be okay again. Little did you know that he was already worrying, already beating himself up for not noticing earlier and he had spent an hour after you left crying.

The next day Lip had called Mickey, Ian and Mandy over to the Gallagher house, he wanted to talk about this and see what they should do. As Ian and you had been best friends since you were kids which led Mandy and Ian to be friends which led Ian and Mickey to become whatever the fuck they were and Mandy and Mickey being your older siblings, those were the people Lip called, the ones who loved you and cared about you,

The 5 of you had become really close, almost like your own little family and lip knew that they needed to help you.

“Whats going on Gallagher” Mickey said taking a seat at the dinning room table next to Ian as Mandy had sat on the other side of the two love birds and Lip had sat on end, making sure he could see the 3 of them.

“Its about y/n” Lip said but then was cut off by Mickey interrupting him.

“I swear to god if you got my sitter pregnant i will fucking kill you with my cold fucking hands” Lip laughed and nodded before explaining that him and you were always safe and you weren’t in fact pregnant which gained a “Better fucking not be” from the carrot boy.

“Me and Y/n were doing some things when I noticed marks on her thighs, both of them. Some were old and some were fresh. I don’t know what Terry has done to her as she hasn’t told me it all but he’s fucking broken her and we need to fix her before she pulls a fucking Monica and I lose the love of my life” Lip said, tears coming back in his eyes.

“You love her?” Mandy asked, a huge smiling coming onto her face.

“What the fuck are you trying to say Gallagher?” Mickey asked, hurting flashing through his voice. Ian grabbed his hand under the table and Mickey laced his fingers with the ginger boys right away.

“I think she’s self harming Mickey, I think living in that house when hes there is toxic for her. He’s ruining her. She isn’t the same. Her smile isn’t as bright and her laugh isn’t as loud. Her eyes don’t shine like they use to” He said., finally allowing tears to fall again.

Who would have though, Lip Gallagher crying, He wasn’t the crying type.He drank when sad emotions came up, but not this time. You were everything to him, his whole fucking world and he couldn’t live without you.

“Ask her to come over, we will talk to her. Tell her we are here.. Maybe she can stay with us for a little. Do everything we can for her” Ian suggested, earning a nod from both the Milkovich siblings.

“Thank you for caring about her, I believe you are the best for her” Mickey said. Mick was hurt that he never realized how much Terry had broken you, he wished he could have done more to protect you from the bastard but there wasn’t much anyone could do when it came to Terry.

You had received a text saying that Fiona had asked Lip to watch Liam and the house was empty and he wanted you to come over. You loved Liam a much as Lip did and when everything happened with Fiona and the drugs and stuff you and Lip had acted like his mom and dad until she had gotten released and you loved it. Since you were a little girl you dreamed about being a parent and being a loving supporting mom, so different than both of your parents. That was your goal in life.

You and lip had talked about it once, saying that he felt the same. He then started talking the big house on the north side that you two would have with your kids and everything you had ever wanted. Thats when you fell so fucking hard for you. He was everything you had ever wanted and nothing could ever change that. 

When you walked in the back door of the Gallagher house you were confused to see Mandy, Lip, Ian and Mickey sitting at the table.

“Whats going on? You said we were babysitting while Monica was working an extra few hours?” You asked as you slipped off your coat and shoes, sitting down on lips lap. His arms went straight to you waist pulling you as close as possible.

“Baby we need to talk to you..” Lip whispered. He didn’t want to cry but you could hear his voice break and it caused you to worry. You stood up eyeing them all. 

“About?” You asked, something was definitely going on and you were scared. Was Terry out? What the fuck was going on?

“We know Y/n” Ian said, looking at you.

“About the cutting babygirl” Lip said turning to you, his eyes extremely glossy and his voice Breaking once again. Who knew one whole fucking sentence could make your whole world crash.

‘Guys please, its not a big deal and I don’t feel the need to talk about this with you. Im fine, its fine now drop it” You said, not letting your voice show the ashamed and sad feelings you felt deep down.

“Sis, we know he was the worst to you, we know you still have the night terrors, we know how broken you feel. Ive tired so many fucking times for him to leave you alone. Watching what he does to you breaks my fucking heart. But me and Lip and Ian, we are gonna protect you. We are gonna save you from him. He hasn’t broken you yet and we wont let him. We love you so fucking much Y/n and you have to stop please” Mickey said, his eyes becoming glossy. The face he made broke your heart.

“Mick.. Please don’t look at me like that. Im fine” You said, trying to make you believe him when you didn’t even believe yourself.

“No you aren’t Y/F/n, you aren’t fine and you need to stop! Do you understand that I cant lose you? How can we get married and have a family if you are dead!? I love you so fucking much and I wont let you do this to yourself anymore. Do you understand? You are worth so much more than that fucking asshole and I refuse to stand and watch you let him win!” Lip said, raising his voice at some point. You started crying, saying sorry over and over and you walked into lips arms, wrapping his arms around your shoulder and one around your head, him placing his hand on the top of you head. He started crying a little too, kissing the top of your head.

Him saying this to you, it made you feel alive again, like when you closed your eyes you saw a future again instead on nothing. You realized that as soon as you and Lip got out you’d be okay. You made a promise to your boyfriend and the family around you that you’d do anything to try and stop and that you loved him.

After everyone had stopped feeling emotional and had calmed down, Mickey had told you that all of them thought it was best to stay at the Gallaghers, still having a room of your own in your house but none of them wanted you to be there when Terry got out. As Ian basically lived at the Milkovich house and Carl was gone to military school and Frank not allowed in the house you had Fiona room to yourself while fiona had Franks room and you couldn’t have to cram into Lips old small bed anymore. You loved the idea of waking up to the love of your life every morning and that lip would be there when you needed him even more than normal.

a month later things were slowly getting better, You hadn’t cut in 3 weeks, the night terrors didn’t come every night like they did at the beginning but when they did lip held you and kissed you and stayed up for a while after you slept to make sure they didn’t happen. You weren’t fixed, it was a slow process but you didn’t feel as broken as you did the night they had told you that they knew. You were so happy they had did what they did, they saved you that night. You couldn’t be more grateful for everything they did for you, they were all family and that would never change.

Norse Polytheism Survey Results

289 of us took the survey! Woo! Now I have to go through each response and compare birth month to patron deity to see if there’s a trend, and that will take time, but in the mean time here’s all the other stuff I asked just for fun ^_^

Average age: 23-29(40%)

Most of us are either female(41%) or nonbinary(38%)

We prefer the term Heathen(22%) or Norse Pagan(19%)

Most of us worship “mostly Norse deities, some others” (42%)

Loki is the most popular ‘everyday’ deity(49%), while Thor, Odin, and Freyja tied for 2nd place(32%)

Freyja is the most popular ‘occasional’ deity(34%) followed closely by Odin(33%)

Loki is the most popular ‘patron’ deity(27%), followed by non-Norse deities(16%)

Some gems from the ‘describe your deity’ section:

  • Loki is the god of DILLIGAF, and “I need you for something later so oh my me fix your shit asap I’ll help kinda”
  • Frigg is the Goddess of the home, getting shit done and looking after your family
  • Rhiannon (Welsh) Goddess of putting up with and finding creative solutions to other people’s idiocy without killing them in the process.
  • Odin - playing chess badly
  • Loki? “In charge” of anything??? I KID I KID (i’m sorry, don’t quote the fucking-around pls)
  • Dionysus- alcohol, self expression, kicking my ass
  • Oh no, Odin- Being a dick only sometimes
  • Loki is the God of change, chaos and compassion. Also chai tea.
  • Fenrir, god of I’m fucked up but making it work
  • Loki is a God who likes memes and 80s one hit wonders and uses the radio to send messages but isn’t agaist showing up in an IHOP parking lot.

Most of us are, predictably, “averagely active”

Odin is the most avoided deity in the pantheon

And we didn’t choose Them, They chose us(75%)

S A V I O R (B. Barnes x Reader)

Word count: 2688

Warnings: Kissing, some Russian and this is shit, but whatever.


Longing, Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak, Furnace, Nine, Benign, Homecoming, One, Freight car
Тоска, проржавевший, семнадцать, Рассвет, печи, девять, доброкачественная, встреча выпускников/корпоративы, один, грузовых автомобилей

My hands sting and I can already feel the bruises beginning to form.
I sit to catch my breath, in the deafening silence I hear a drop of my blood hit the scuffed wooden floor.

Looking back, not wrapping my hands was a bad idea.

I get onto my feet and hook another bag up. This time, being careful to wash and wrap my hands.
Letting out years of pent up anger felt good after a long day of dealing with idiotic people.

“You should probably take care of that first.” Steve comments just as I knock the bag off its chain, accidentally spilling sand across the floor.
“If it isn’t the star-spangled man with a plan, why are you here? What do you want?”
“I don’t want anything -” he says obviously finding humour in his joke. My patience is running thin and I shoot him a glare.
He clears his throat, regaining his composure. “Fury wanted to see you.”
“Fury? Nick Fury, the one that relieved me of my title as field agent?-” Steve tries to cut me off
“-All because yours truly made one little mistake-”
“You almost got us killed.” He cuts in
“But I didn’t! I came in and saved your ass, again!”
“You wouldn’t have had to save us if you stuck to the orders!”
“It was my brother! What would you have done! I fixed my mistake, but Fury didn’t give me my second chance, why should I give him his?”
“Y/N I-” he sighs “I need your help.”
I shoot him a questioning look. “My silence is your cue.”
“Do you remember Bucky?”
“Bucky. Barnes?…The Winter Soldier? Yeah, why?”
“S.H.E.I.L.D wants to recruit him”
“Why? He tried to kill us. You were his mission-”
“I was his friend.”
“Steve, Bucky was your friend, the Winter Soldier, he’s your enemy. You can’t save him. He’s long gone. And he tried to kill us.”
“He remembers.” Steve argues “H-he’s still the Bucky I used to know, deep down.” He clears his throat again.
“Fury said that if you brought him back successfully-and alive- he’ll give you your job back.”
“Fine, but I’m doing this for me, and only me, not for you or your issues with your broken boyfriend.” Steve barely contained his excitement as we walk to the jet waiting outside. After a short flight to Stark tower and many questioning glances, we’re sat around a table discussing the terms of the mission.

“There are tracking devices in all the weapons in case you decide to go rogue.”
“Stark, I take my job very seriously.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, it’s just a precaution.”
I glance over the weapons layed out in front on me and pick a few, stuffing them in my duffle bag. I pause when I see an unfamiliar weapon. “Hey, Stark, what’s this?”
“Turn it away from you, press the green button, it vaporizes whatever its aimed at.” He demonstrated on a vase sitting on the table and it turned to a pile of ash.
“Woah. That’s awesome!”
“Thank you.”
“Tony, if only you were as big as your ego, maybe you’d be able to reach the top shelf.” Although he was a few inches taller than me I still liked to tease him about his height compared to the others.

I sat back down looking over the Winter Soldier’s case file once again, taking in all the details, adding them to what I already know. In his military picture he looks young, determined, sweet, definitely handsome, probably a ladies man with his hair neatly cut and gelled.
In the other two he looked different. There’s one of him in cryo. Even in his frozen state you can still make out the crease in his brow, he looks like he’s… in pain. The one of him in action, a majority of his face is covered by a black mask, his hair long and messy. His metal arm stood out against his black uniform. The vibranium caught the sun and made the red star stand out even more. The way I recognized him best, as the Winter Soldier.

“Y/N!”
“What?” I say snapping out of my stupor

“You spaced out, it’s time for us to leave, you’re headed to Shelbyville, Indiana, that’s where the target was seen last.”

“He’s not a target.” Steve yelled from down the hall, slamming the door.

“Actually, Sam? Wilson, right? Alright bird-boy. I say we head to Washington. I was thinking metal-man grew up in Indiana, maybe he went looking for answers he couldn’t find. If you’re a fossil who doesn’t know how to properly use a computer, where would you go to search for the past?”

“The Smithsonian.” Bruce chimed in when we walked past him lab. I shot him a smile, seeing as he was the only one who sided with me when I almost got them killed, he’s one of my favorites. Him and Natasha that is. Agent Romanoff was always one of my favourites.
“Exactly, there’s a big plaque dedicated to Barnes there. I say we check it out. I don’t think Barnes would stay in one place too long, he knows he’s wanted.”
“You really think he’s there?”
“Wilson, I’m a spy, its my job to know where people are.” I send over my shoulder on my way into the quinjet. I’m met with a light chuckle from Mr. Patriotism himself. “What’re you laughing at?”
“You know, you’re quite funny, agent Y/L/N.” I’m slightly startled by the title, not being used to it anymore. Does he just have that much faith that I’ll succeed? Although, I’ve only failed one or two missions. “Alright Rogers, we’ve got three hours on the jet, try to behave.”

Three hours later I’m dropped off at one of Stark’s safe houses a few blocks from the Smithsonian.
“Call when you’ve got him, we’ll send a jet. And Y/N, please, don’t hurt him unless you absolutely need to.” A quick nod and a small smile from the Captain is my parting, from here I’m on my own. I head into the small rundown house, it’s bigger on the inside, cleaner and brighter too. There’s a bed to one side and a bathroom on the other.

“There’s no place like home.”

I drop my duffle and slip a gun into the waistband of my pants. I also grab a knife and slip it into the holster in my jacket, you can’t be too careful.

I decide to take the small ‘getaway’ car in the garage. Its not as great as Steve’s bug though.

The first few days go by with no sign of the infamous soldier. I’m caught off guard to finally see the one and only sporting a baseball cap, jeans and a sweatshirt. He has gloves on too, it seems. Its not too cold, it’s only late October, he’s most likely trying to hide the metal that could set civilians into a panic and most certainly give him away. He’s standing near the plaque dedicated to the one James Barnes of the 107th.

I stand and observe him for a little while. He reads the words over and over again. Its a good ten minutes before I finally walk over, careful not to startle him. I stand next to him and read the plaque for myself.
“Bucky seems like he was a great person, definitely someone you’d want to befriend.” He seems caught off guard by my words and he takes a second to comprehend my sentence.
“Yeah I bet he was a great person.” He says. “Was.” He says. I don’t comment on it because I know I wasn’t supposed to hear it. After another few minutes of silence I start again.

“You know, Steve really misses you.” His head shoots up and his eyes are dark and guarded. He recognized the name.

“He remembers.” Steve’s words play over in my head.

“Who sent you?” He questions obviously ready for a fight.
“S.H.E.I.L.D.” the look on his face tells me he doesn’t believe me.
“They want to recruit you.” No response.
“Bucky-” recognition crosses his features, but is gone almost immediately and his eyes soften, barely. He looked like he was thinking hard, remembering.
“-Steve wants you back, he wants you to remember and I can help.” I show him my S.H.E.I.L.D badge for proof
“Okay.”
“Let’s go because that guard hasn’t stopped watching you since you came in.” We head towards the street making our way to my car.
A tall man blocks our way. I pull out a gun and shoot. I clip his shoulder and he gets my leg, I collapse, but shoot again, this time its a head shot. The car’s gone and I can’t walk.
“How’d you get those through security?”
“Same way you got your arm through. Can you carry me, I can’t walk.” He picks me up as if I weighed nothing while I made a makeshift tourniquet.
I call Steve and then Romanoff and Banner, but none of them answer. He sets me down in a chair when we reach the safe house.
“Well, Earth’s mightiest heroes aren’t answering, I guess we’ll spend the night here. I’ll take first watch. You rest.” He hesitates, obviously not trusting me.
“If Steve trusts me, you can too. I promise.” He gets up and heads towards the bathroom. I hear the water start to run. I decide to make something light to eat for us, assuming he hasn’t had much lately. I hear the door click open.
“Hey, I made us dinner-” he standing in the doorway with only a towel wrapped around his waist. “I uhm, left my clothes.”
I hand him his clothes and try to keep my gaze from wandering. The door clicks shut again and I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding in. I sit on the bed and begin eating my sandwich. Bucky comes out, fully clothed with his hair neatly combed. I hand him his plate.
“You know, if there’s anything you want to know about yourself, I could try to answer, the basics at least. You’ll have to ask Rogers on the rest.”
“You know, that wasn’t me. None of it was me, I killed… So many people b-but, it wasn’t me.”
“I know Bucky.” I say taking his plate as he lays down.

He tosses and turns for hours. And when his breathing finally evens out I’m relieved to know he’s at least resting. I know what torture can do to a person. He sleeps for about an hour before he wakes up, immediately on guard. He wraps his metal hand around my throat
“Кто тебя послал?” Who sent you?
I’ve never been caught like this before, I could get out easily, but that would only make him more nervous,
“Bucky.” I choke out. “Its me, no one sent me.” His eyes soften and he drops me.
“I’m so sorry.” He says softly, glancing at the forming bruises.
“Its okay, I have them too, you know.” He looks surprised,
“You do?”
“Mm.” He looks at me for another second before going and sitting on the bed. He mutters quietly in Russian, but I can’t make out the words. I sidestep my bag and go to the sink.
“Drink.” I say handing him the glass. “What were you just mumbling?”
“Пытки равна прочности.”
“Torture equals strength.” We say together.
“ It was written on every surface back at Hydra.” I sit on the bed next to him, a bit closer than necessary.
“Все это будет нормально.” It’ll all be okay
He looks up at me and for the first time I see the ghost of a smile grace his features.
My phone rings interrupting our conversation.
“I’m sorry, we had a mission, I’ll come out to pick you up now.”

Thanks Clint, see you soon.“

“Katniss will be here soon, just throw your stuff in my duffle, I got it.” He does as he’s told, obviously confused, and goes back to his spot on the bed. It kind of set me off that he was trusting me. I knew well enough that it was an act. That he would try something. It was almost too easy.

×××

Bucky became my new partner on all my missions and he’s remembering more and more.
With the help of Steve of course.
Its been about 2 years. I’ll fill you in on the details.

I was right, when Clint came, Bucky tried to escape. To kill us. He didn’t succeed. He was locked up for a while, with only minimal visits from me or from Steve. Steve helped him to remember, I was like a therapist. Maybe it was because I didn’t remind him, maybe because I was, in a sense, a stranger, but nevertheless, we grew closer. Eventually, I got Fury to agree to let Barnes roam, with me as an escort. Once he was stable enough, he began training, which, in my opinion, he didn’t need. And then he was recruited.

“Hey, Buck, we gotta go, we’re on our way to Vegas, remember?”
Finally, a mission in a nice place. We drop down and check into a nice hotel, that’s a new one. There’s a Hydra base under one of the abandoned casinos in town and its our job to take it down.

×××

“Hey Buck, we’re in Vegas, we should do something fun.”
I say as we walk away from the burning building, cliché am I right?

“Why don’t we go back to the hotel and order room service? Watch a few movies, I’m still not caught up with the 21st century.” I laugh and nod my head in agreement.
I collapse on the bed and bury my face in the pillow.
“Are you tired, Мой ангел?”
I feel a rush of warmth at the name. Did he just call me his angel?
“No, just getting comfy.” I reply, my voice muffled my the pillow.
“I can make you comfy.” He says climbing in beside me and pulling me to him. He trails kisses up my neck to my jaw. I turn over to face him and give him a puzzled look. I’m not denying my feelings, everyone knew they were there, we’ve just never… confronted it, or even talked about it. And he’s never this carefree.

He smiles and captures my lips with his, a soft, yet hungry kiss, like he’d been waiting to do it. He wanted me just as badly as I wanted him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he instinctively put his hands on either side of my head to hold himself up. I tuck my hand up under his shirt and he pulls away only long enough my me to slip his shirt off and throw it across the room. I trace the skin where the metal meets, its still red, but not as bad as when I caught him watching his own reflection. As if he were a monster, a few weeks after I brought him to S.H.E.I.L.D. he slipped my shirt up over my head and trailed kisses down my neck, to my chest and onto my stomach, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. He brings his mouth back up to mine and his tongue skims my bottom lip. The moment ends when my phone rings insanely loudly. Bucky curses under his breath.
“What?” I snap at the person on the other line.
“Did I interrupt?” Comes the snarky voice of Tony on the other end.
“Why are you calling, Stark?”
“I sent Natasha to come get you guys, she’ll be there in a few hours.”
I end the call without a goodbye and look to the soldier piercing me with his blue eyes.
“I’m sorry.” He just chuckles and places a light kiss to my forehead.
“We’d better get dressed.” He muses a playful smirk on his face.
“To be continued, Кукла.”

Doll.

"It's not just about wheelchair access"

I think that in disability discourse, wheelchair users face some fairly unique pressure to pretend not to be disabled. At the same time, wheelchair users are treated as the ultimate symbol of disability. In combination, I think there is very little space in which wheelchair users are allowed to talk about their actual experiences and needs. (Even in disability rights space.)

To some extent, all disabled people face some version of this. The thing I think is somewhat unique to wheelchair users is pressure to be the model of successful accessibility. There’s a misconception that accessibility is basically a solved problem for wheelchair users, and that we need to expand that model to all disabled people. This goes alongside a related misconception that the purpose of accessibility is to make disability irrelevant.

Wheelchair users face intense pressure to enthusiastically pretend that wheelchairs and ramps erase disability. This goes alongside pressure to have exactly the kind of disability that fits the story that others want to tell. The story goes: “Wheelchair users can’t walk. Wheelchairs and lifts and ramps solve that problem. If we had ramps everywhere, wheelchair users wouldn’t be disabled anymore.” The reality is much more complicated.

People get very angry when wheelchair users contradict this story. Wheelchair users are often not allowed to have access needs that don’t fit the story — and they’re also not allowed to have *abilities* that don’t fit the story. This anger is so intense that it’s dangerous for wheelchair users to stand and walk in public places. People also get angry at wheelchair users when a ramp is too steep, when it’s blocked, or when they insist that the existence of a lift isn’t good enough, they need to have the key so that they can actually *use* it. There’s not much room in the wheelchair access success story for talking about these realities.

There’s also not very much room in this success story for talking about the realities of growing up with a mobility disability. Children still grow up manhandled by therapists and pressured to learn to walk at all costs. Children still go through repeated surgeries aimed at fixing them. Children still get taught to allow adults to hurt them and touch them in ways that would be regarded as abuse if they were typically developing. Children are still pervasively excluded from educational and recreation activities and expected to bear it with a smile. Ramps and wheelchairs didn’t fix that, and accessibility advocacy should not make those things unspeakable.

The success story has even less room for talking about pleasure. Harriet McBryde Johnson said it better than I could, so I’m going to quote her:

“We need to confront the life-killing stereotype that says we’re all about suffering. We need to bear witness to our pleasures. …

Throughout my life, the nondisabled world has told me my pleasures must be only mental, never physical. Thinking to help me, it has said my body is unimportant. I respectfully disagree. For me, the body—imperfect, impermanent, falling apart—is all there is. Through this body that needs the help of hands and machines to move, that is wired to sense and perceive, comes all pleasure, all life. My brain is only one among many body parts, all of which work through one another and cooperate as best they can.”

McBryde Johnson, Harriet. Too Late to Die Young: Nearly True Tales from a Life (p. 255). Henry Holt and Co.. Kindle Edition.

Treating wheelchair users as a symbol of disability successfully erased has the effect of silencing wheelchair users. I think that a lot of us have been complicit in this silencing, and that we need to address this in disability culture. Partly for the sake of better solidarity with wheelchair users; partly because the silencing is hurting all of us.

I think that all disabled people face pressure to see ourselves as characters in a story about accessibility. Sometimes we’re expected to write the story. Sometimes we’re seen as characters in a story someone else is writing. Sometimes we’re supposed to believe that the story has already been written, and that all we have to do is get people to read the book.

I think that wheelchair users face particularly intense pressure to pretend that the story has already been written and has a satisfying ending. That’s not something any of us should envy. It’s not privilege. It’s silencing. And I think we need a lot less silence and a lot more solidarity. It doesn’t have to be this way, and it isn’t always this way. When we have space for honesty about the realities of disability, our communities are a lot stronger.

Wheelchair users are not a collective accessibility success story. Wheelchair users are people. None of us are stories. We’re all people. No amount of accessibility is going to make our bodies and brains irrelevant. Disability rights advocacy shouldn’t be about erasing difference. The point is not sameness; it’s equality. Accessibility is about building a world that treats us all as fully human, differences and all.

RP starters: Injured/death
  • “Hey, you’re bleeding!”
  • “Can you move?”
  • “You will be fine, I promise..”
  • “Don’t you dare to leave me. Not now.”
  • “We can get you fixed in no time.”
  • “Please get up.”
  • “I refuse to believe it will all end like this!”
  • “You won’t die, not on my watch!”
  • “Ouch.. that must hurt “
  • “Shit, wait.. I’ll patch you up.”
  • “What were you thinking?! You could’ve killed yourself!”
  • “I came too late..”
  • “You should’ve told me earlier.. I could’ve helped you!”
  • “I swear to god if you die on our way back I’ll kill you.”
  • “It’s nothing, just a scratch.”
  • “Look, no need to fuss over me. I’m fine!”
  • “Well, you see.. It’s a really long story. Will you help me or not?”
  • “I can’t make it.”
  • “I am dying. There is nothing you can do about it.”
  • “It’s not your fault, okay?”
  • “It just hurts… hurts so goddamn much.”
  • “Are you going to let me suffer more?”
  • “There is no happy ending to this.”
  • “I have been through worse…”
  • “I’m not going to lie, this is not how I planned this would go down.”
  • “They came out of nowhere.. I couldn’t react in time.”
  • “How bad does it look?”
  • “I knew this day would come.. sooner or later.”
Bnha x Mulan AU (TodoDeku) Goofy idea/fanfic I'll never write. (sorry anon. Still love you. I just watched the movie and Bakugou is now Yao to me. Hope you see this bc I accidentally deleted your ask x_x. <3)
  • *
  • Toshinori Yagi: My, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. But I'll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.
  • *
  • Izuku: Excuse me, where can I sign in? Ahhh, I see you have a sword. I got one too! -goes to pull out sword- I'm very manly andddd...tough! -accidentally drops sword-
  • *
  • Mineta: For instance, my eyes, can see straightttt through your armor.
  • Izuku: -slaps Mineta-
  • *
  • Aoyama: -sparkling- Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm.
  • Bakugou: Hmmm -punches guy-
  • Kaminari: -laughs- I hope you can get your money back!
  • *
  • Bakugou: -spits- What are you lookin' at?
  • Mineta: -whispering- Punch him. It's how men say hello.
  • Izuku: -punches Bakugou-
  • Kirishima: -holding a fuming Bakugou- Bakugou, you've made a friend!
  • Mineta: Good. Now slap him on the behind. They like that.
  • Izuku: -slaps Bakugou's butt-
  • Bakugou: I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.
  • Kirishima: Bakugou -picks up Bakugou- relax and chant with me. -chants, while slowly rocking Bakugou back and forth-
  • Bakugou: -growls, but eventually chants-...blurbedjal...eh, you ain't worth my time, chicken boy.
  • Mineta: CHICKEN BOY? SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YOU LIMP NOODLE!
  • *
  • Todoroki: -looming over Izuku- I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp!
  • Izuku: Sorry...-man voice- Uhh, I mean, sorry you had to see that. You know how it is when you get those, ugh, manly urges and you just have to kill something...fix things, uh, cook outdoors.
  • Todoroki: What's your name?
  • Izuku: Ahh, I,, uhh I, uhh-
  • Monoma: Your commanding officer just asked you a question!
  • Izuku: Uhh, I've got a name. Huhh a-and it's a boys name too!
  • Mineta: -whispers hiding behind Izuku- Kaminari, how about Kaminari?
  • Izuku: His name is Kaminari.
  • Todoroki: I didn't ask for his name. I asked for yours.
  • Mineta: Try, ugh, ughhh, ahh Chu!
  • Izuku: Ah Chu.
  • Todoroki: Ah Chu?
  • Mineta: Gesundheit. Hehe, I kill myself.
  • Izuku: Minetaaa
  • Todoroki: Mineta?
  • Izuku: NO!
  • Todoroki: -frustrated- Then what is it!
  • Mineta: Deku! Deku was my best friend growing up!
  • Izuku: IT'S DEKU!
  • Todoroki: Deku.
  • Mineta: Though Deku did steal my gir -gets choked by Izuku-
  • *
  • Izuku: -arrives-
  • Kaminari: Looks like our new friend slept in this morning! Helloooo Deku, are you hungry?
  • Bakugou: Yeahhh, 'causse I owe you a knuckle sandwich -grabs Izuku with fist raised-
  • Todoroki: Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning. -takes off shirt-
  • Izuku: ... -secretly or not so secretly checkin' Todo out-
  • Todoroki: Anyone who acts otherwise, will answer to me.
  • *
  • Izuku: -eyes wide in fear and hiding behind lily pad- Hi guys! I didn't know you were here! So, I'm clean and I'm gonna go. BYE BYE!
  • Kaminari: Come back hereee! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over! -naked and holding hand out to shake- Hiiii, I'm Kaminari!
  • Izuku: -naked and worried, shakes hand and bumps into Kirishima standing behind her-
  • Kirishima: And I'm Kirishima!
  • Izuku: -cringes- Hello Kirishimaaa.
  • Bakugou: -butt naked and standing on a rock- AND I AM BAKUGOU KATSUKI. KING OF THE ROCK. And there's nothing you girl's can do about it.
  • Izuku: -covers eyes-
  • Kaminari: Oh yeahhh! Well, I think Deku and I can take you.
  • Izuku: -still covering eyes trying to get away- I don't really want to take him anywhere.
  • Kaminari: But, Deku! We have to fight!
  • Izuku: We can just close our eyes...and swim around -Kaminari touches her forearm and gets too close-
  • *
  • Mineta: -spits- Ohh...what a nasty flavor.
  • Bakugou, Kirishima and Kaminari: SNAKE~ -cue screaming at the snake in the water-
  • A moment later, Kirishima: Some king of the rock...AHH! -gets pushed off rock by Bakugou-
  • *
  • Izuku: Boy, that was close...
  • Mineta: -brushing teeth- No, that was vile. YOU OWE ME BIG.
  • *
  • Todoroki: -pissed and stroming off-
  • Izuku: Hey, I'll hold him and you punch, heh, heh...-Todoroki walks by without reacting- or not. -calling out to Todoorki- For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain.
  • Mineta: I saw that!
  • Izuku: -innocent and cute- What?
  • Mineta: You likeee him don't youuu?
  • Izuku: N-No, I--
  • Mineta: Yeah right, yeah sure. Look, GO TO YOUR TENT.
  • *
  • Kaminari: Step back guys, give 'em some air.
  • Todoroki: Deku, you are the craziest man I've ever met. And for that I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust.
  • Kaminari: LET'S HEAR IT FOR DEKU! THE BRAVEST OF US ALL!
  • Bakugou: YOU'RE KING OF THE MOUNTAIN!
  • Kirishima: YES, YES, YESSS! -bumps hips with a random guy nearby-
  • *
  • Izuku: TODOROKI-KUN!
  • Todoroki: -surprised- Izuku?
  • Izuku: The League of Villains are alive, they're in the city.
  • Todoroki: You don't belong here Deku, go home.
  • Izuku: Todoroki, I saw them. You have to believe me.
  • Todoroki: Why should I?
  • Izuku: Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Deku. Why is Izuku any different? Keep your eyes open. I know they're here.
  • *
  • Izuku: Okay, any questions?
  • Bakugou: Does this dress make me look fat?
  • Izuku: -slaps Bakugou-
  • Bakugou: Ow.
  • *
  • Todorki: -awkward- Um...you...you fight good.
  • Mulan: Oh....t-thank you. -disappointed-
  • *
  • Principal Nedzu: The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.
  • Todoroki: Sir?
  • Principal Nedzu: You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty.
  • Todoroki: -goes after Midoriya-
  • *
  • Izuku: -kneels before All Might- Father. I brought you the mask of All for One, and the crest of Principal Nedzu. They're gifts, to honor the Yagi family.
  • Toshinori Yagi: -drops everything to hug Izuku- The greatest gift and honor is having you for a daughter. I've missed you so.
  • Izuku: -crying- I've missed you too Papa!
  • *
  • Todoroki: Honorable Toshinori Yagi, All Might, I--IZUKU...I..uh...uh..you forgot your helmet. Ah but well, actually it's your helmet isn't it? I mean-
  • Toshinori Yagi: -smiles with eyebrow raised-
  • Izuku: -smiling at Todoroki- Would you like to stay for dinner?
  • Recovery Girl: Would you like to stay forever?
  • Todoroki: -smiling at Izuku- Dinner would be great.
  • *
  • Aizawa: Ohhh, all right. You can be a guardian again. -cue Mineta screaming in joy-