my name is now green beans

The Col-o-Nel's Prayer

Context: I’m a part of a D20 Modern Gamma World game. We came across a group of mutant rednecks called Brubbas who had developed a cult to Colonel Sanders (mispronounced as Col-o-nel, because they’re mutant rednecks). My Charismatic Hero, Ballo Quilledge, who is a British pretty boy adventurer, manages to pull out of his ass their actual prayer to Col-o-Nel Sanders.

Our Col-o-Nel, who art in Heaven
Harlan be thy name
Thy restaurant come
Thy wings be well done
Original or extra crispy

For thine is the mashed potatoes,
The gravy, and the green beans,
Now and forever. Amen.

The sides as out of context things that were said during my family camping trip

Morality: We’ve reached the height of laziness and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now eat the green beans.

Logic: I have no imagination. I am incapable of thinking of anything beyond our reality so don’t make me.

Roman: You have acquired the stick of poking, the most powerful weapon in the game. And yes, you need to call it by its full name.

Anxiety: Okay, but if you start a cult don’t end it in a suicide pact. Be smart about it.

anonymous asked:

Don't know why the other roleplayers 'appreciate' or 'like' you. You try way too hard to be funny and probably have no social life. I would say you'll go crying to mommy and daddy, but you don't have a dad, do you? Good. I bet he's burning in hell as we speak. So go crying to your mom trying to get her to build up your confidence. I bet you already are. - Hate Anon

my hands tremble as i hold the pen, my handwriting becoming shakier by the minute, and it showed. it was a miracle i could even read my own writing. a few tear drops land on the page and smudge the ink. the ink that is very smudge-able because i’m using one of those feather pens for that real dramatic affect. (effect? i don’t know, i’m an english person who can’t speak english)

i glance over my shoulder and see my mother. she slowly nods her head as she places a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

i breathe out and look down at the paper.

after i predictably went crying to my mother a few minutes ago, she forced me to write a letter, explaining how i felt to hate anon. i wasn’t even allowed to say ‘go fuck yourself’ because it’s a formal letter.

but that didn’t mean i wouldn’t find a way to express my true 'feelings’.

“well, done, 'ellie’. if that is even your real name,” my mother nods curtly, “i’m proud of you,” she adds.

except she doesn’t.

because she’s not.

the perks of being a screw up, am i right?

“read it,” she demands, “let me know what you want to tell the anon.”

i clear my throat and glance down at my paper once again. i take a deep breath. this is it. if i screw up, my mother will trade me for a few chickens, even though we both know i’m worth three pigs at least. but she’d never admit that. i am social lifeless. our village shuns us for it. often throwing moldy tomatoes at us and yelling: 'no more tea for you, ghastly brits! pip, pip, cheerio, fellas! have a terrible day!’

it hurts. my heart can’t take this emotion toll anymore!

“i said read it you foolish girl,” she repeats, “out loud.”

i nod once again and lick my dry lips, keeping in mind that this is a formal letter so it must include overly fancy words and maybe even some fake ones to get the point across.

“Dear Hateth Anoneth,

it has come to my attention that you believe my father is rotting in hell. i can assure(eth) you(eth) that he is not(eth).

my evidence supporting this is in these following points:

1) sucketh a dick

2) go fucketh oneself

as you can see, there is an undeniable correlation between the two factors thus leaving one conclusioneth: my father is better than you will ever be.

p.s, if you were to be sold, you wouldn’t even be worth a green bean.”

silence for a few seconds. i look up from my paper, daring to meet my mother’s eyes.

suddenly she stands up and starts clapping.

is this a standing ovation? for moi? of course it is. i’m ellie-motherfucking-i-shouldn’t-reveal-my-last-name-on-the-internet!

once again, now in normal words: suck a dick and go fuck yourself.

anonymous asked:

Also, same anon that asked about pairings, but I just read your reply to another ask and I find it your nicknames for the Chrobin and SuzuKamui families absolutely adorable! I ship both a lot, so now I want to call them blueberry and greenbean familes too, hehe. Such cute names. ^^ (P.S. one last thing, I loved reading your thoughts on Maribelle. You have her character spot on, and since I love her so much, it was a super fun read :D As always, thanks for sharing!)

ahhh thank you, anon! (❁´▽`❁)*✲゚*

have blueberry and green bean family to enjoy! <3

5

Succulent care day! :) June 30, 2016

Re-potted my panda, burro’s tail and [name i forgot] (top right one in top pic) - since the panda needed a smaller pot, the burro’s tail has spent too much time depending on its bros for support (so it got a big pot to spread out in), and the [name i forgot]  was just lopsided - so now it’s centered again :)

Also added a layer of aquarium gravel to all of em for cuteness. 4 white, 4 green, one neon (for the funky jelly bean), and 1 white with larger white stones (burro’s tail pot).

Plan to re-pot my sieboldii currently in the bbq lid since he’s all alone now and doesn’t need all that space - maybe tomorrow.

OH GAWD THE WHITE IS BRIGHT.

Bean Boozled Challenge (Ashton)

Requested by anon - Smoothie Calle he prt 5 where the boys get challenges?

I only did 2 challenges so far with the boys so here are the links to those:

Michael (Saltine Challenge)

Calum (Smoothie Challenge)


“Hello my little toucans!” I’m a little louder then usual but I’m excited to keep my challenges going. “Today’s challenge will be with the one and only Ashton Irwin!” I point over to where Ashton is sitting next to me. “I hope you guys have been following along with the last 2 challenge videos where I beat Michael in the saltine challenge and then Calum in the smoothie challenge.” Before I even ask, Calum takes his hat off and hands it to me. I place the remaining challenges in and Luke reaches up to pick on out.

“Bean Boozled?” he says with question. 

“It’s a jelly bean game” I tell him. I take the box of jelly beans out of the bag next to me and place it on the desk. “Did you decide your forfit?” I ask Ashton.

“Yes I did” he says proudly. “The loser has to call Mark and tell him that they ate 6 bags of chips so they don’t feel like coming to training later.” I give him a look because that’s not to far from what I usually tell Mark. 

“Okay then” I answer. “The rules are that you spin this little spinner and eat a bean of the color it lands on.” I explain. 

“That’s too easy” Ashton says as he squints at me. “What’s the catch and how do I win?”

“The catch is” I say with a finger in the air. “That there is two flavors for every color. One is yummy and the other is super freaking gross.”

“That’s not fair!” Michael argues. “You don’t get affected by gross flavors. This is unfair right out of the gate!”

“Mikey, sweety” I say calmly. “Ashton ate a raw egg last week and scrambled it in his mouth with no problem.” Michael scrunches his lips together and sighs in defeat. “And the way to win” I continue at Ashton “Is to get the least amount of gross ones out of 10, so 5 for each of us.” Ashton nods in agreement then smiles towards the camera while pushing the box towards me. 

“Ladies first” he says.

“Always the gentlemen” I say with my eyebrow cocked and looking at the camera as well. I spin the wheel and watch as it lands on green. As Calum hands me a green jelly bean Luke laughs and tells us what it is. 

“Lime or lawn clippings.”

“Definately lawn clippings. Ugh” I tell the guys and the camera.  Ashton spins now. 

“White with yellow spots.” He tells Calum who hands him the right bean as Luke reads the names.

“Either rotten egg or buttered popcorn.” Ashton holds it in front of his mouth second guessing his decision to play the game. When he throws it in his mouth he smiles at me and puts his hands up triumphantly.

“Popcorn!” he says. I spin again and land on brown.

“Chocolate pudding or canned dog food” Luke tells us with a disgusted voice and when the chocolate comes through, I sigh happily. After Ashton gets another good one (Tutti-fruitti instead of stinky socks) I get worried. I spin again, get black, and groan biting into the licorice. 

“Just as bad as skunk spray” I complain. Luke gives a deep laugh and I look down see what Ashton spun. 

“Peach or vomit” he finally gets out and Ashton almost vomits when he bites down. Michael holds him down so he can’t run to the bathroom and I had him water. 

“Only two more” I encourage him. “Tied at one and one.” My fourth is moldy cheese and I gag slightly but keep myself at bay. Ashton gets the skunk that I avoided before and has to spit it out because he actually came seconds away from throwing up. The last one we ate together and both got blue berries. 

“It’s a tie” Michael announces. “Tie breaker?” 

“NO!” Ashton and I both shout with our eyes nearly bulging out of our heads. The other 3 burst out in laughter and Luke is bending in half because it’s so much. 

“I would rather we both just call Jarv” I admit. “We can tell him we ate 3 of the big bags between the 2 of us.”

“Deal” Ashton agrees. The phone rings 3 times before Mark catches it with a quick.

“What’s up?” 

“Hey dude” Ashton starts. “Listen, Y/N and I were watching a couple shows and one thing led to another and 3 bags of family size chips are gone and we arn’t feeling like going to training today so we decided against it.” There is a long pause. 

“You either get down here for us to do extra burpees for that dumb idea of a good time or I will come do you and you will do extra burpees and 20 extra laps around the hotel.” He says.

“Just a question” Ashton adds in. “Say Y/N ate most of them and I only helped consume the last bag…do I still have to do all the extra work?”

“You have to do more for lying about how much you ate” he says flatly. 

“And if we just lied about the whole thing just to see how you would react?” I ask. 

“Then both of you get extra weights on top of it all.” I groan. “And since I know the other 3 can hear me too, tell them that they have to come today to because they let this happen.” Michael gives us a death glare. 

“I’ll get back at you for this” he tells up. 

“That-a-boy” Mark says.

“Bye Jarv” I say quickly and hang up. “So guys, Ashton got us all in trouble and now we have to work out extra. Everyone tell Ashton thanks in the comments. See you all tomorrow when it’s Lukey’s turnnnnnn.” I switch the camera off and stand  to walk towards Michael. I pull his head down so his head is near my mouth and whisper. 

“Don’t worry babe, I’ll make it up to you with out own workout later.” I walk away with a wink and a shimmy.

-Kimmie

I'm always here.

Word count: 911

Request: Yes

Newt the new greenie arrives in the maze and after a week you start to realize he might have depression so you confront him about it. (Sorry this isn’t my best I was struggling a little bit with this one.)

 

The alarm for the box was going off again. Exactly one month from the last time it went off. Today we get a new greenie. Alby and I along with the other the other 4 gladers head over to the box. I assist Alby in opening the box to find a young boy sitting in the farthest corner curled in a ball. He had shaggy blond hair and seemed to be very tall and lengthy. I could tell he seemed very frighted just by the way he looked up at us. Alby was about to jump into the box to help him but I placed my hand on his chest to stop him. This kid looked scared enough, Alby the big tough guy would only scare him more. So I jump into the box slowly approaching the boy. He turned toward me and became much more relaxed but still grasped his legs. I looked up at the other gladers and gave them a ‘okay I got this get back to work’ look. As they start to disperse I look back at the boy. He had gorgeous bright eyes that just seemed to naturally sparkle. I gave him a reassuring smile. I put my hand out to help him up and he gladly accepted it.

“I’m y/n and welcome to the glade. I get that this all seems like a ‘what the shuck’ kind of moment but you get use to it.” I just laughed and he looked at me like I was insane.

 

“Anyway what’s your name green bean?” He paused for a moment trying to think.

“N-Newt” he says with an accent. I obviously didn’t realize he had an accent cause he hadn’t said anything till just now.

“Well Newt, welcome to your new home let me show you around.”

****1½ weeks later****

Newt and I had grown fairly close since he’s been here but he was still so quite. He started to get the hang of everything but he spent most of his time sleeping and trying to be alone. The first couple days I understood Newt being awkward, tired, and isolated, everyone’s like that when they first get to the glade, but he’s still acting this way. Something was wrong so I knew I should talk to him. After everyone was done working and heading to dinner I pulled Newt away from the group.

“Hey Newt will you come with me really quick?”

“Uh…sure.” I then walked toward the deadhead with Newt right behind me. We stopped at the edge and I turned to face him, shuck was he cute.

“Newt are you okay? I understand isolating yourself when you first get into the maze, but you’re still isolating yourself and I-I’m just worried about you.” Newt was looking down but he slowly raised his head to look me in the eyes. He didn’t say anything at first he just looked. He let out a breath and lowered his head again.

“I don’t know anymore y/n. I have been just…just sad all the time. I don’t know why I’m here, I can’t remember anything about who I am, and I am beyond scared for what the bloody hell is behind those walls. I just don’t know.”

“Newt it’s okay we are all scared. No one remembers anything either. You’re not alone.”

“That’s the thing y/n. I know I’m not alone but I still feel alone. It’s like I’m trapped inside my own head… and it’s a really scary place.” The way Newt was describing the way he felt it sounded almost like depression. I don’t remember much about depression, all I really know is that it makes people really sad. Seeing Newt so vulnerable was terrible.

“Newt I am always here for you. You know that right?” He didn’t respond he just looked down.

“Newt. Please look at me. I know it’s hard but we will find a way out I promise.”

“I really hope you’re right y/n.” He pause for a moment “I think the worst part is seeing all the gladers with you…” He looked at me nervously and I was completely taken a back by this comment.

“W-what? Why?”

“Because you’re pretty y/n. Did you know that? Anyway… it’s just I don’t know. I think about you a lot and I get jealous which I shouldn’t but I do. So not only am I stuck in the bloody hell hole, the only girl hear doesn’t even notice me.” I was shocked.

“Newt are you kidding me? Trust me I notice you. Your are definitely the most attractive slinthead in this shanking place.” Newt smiled. That was the first time I had ever seen him smile.

“Well that’s good to know I guess. But we are still trapped here and I don’t know if we will ever get out. I feel like a science experiment.”

“Newt. You can’t worry so much, it’s bad for you. Plus if you think negatively then everything will seem negative.”

“You’re right y/n. But sometimes I can’t help it I just always feel like this and I-“ I smashed my lips onto Newts not allowing him to overthink and ramble on. I pull away and look him in the eyes.

“Newt you need to try to not overthink things. Everything will be okay; and I am always here for you if you want to talk just know that.”

He didn’t say anything he just smiled and pulled me into a kiss.