my mummy says

Dahl opens Matilda the book with this big rant about parents who think their kids are special. Which is hilarious, he managed to write a story about how special kids are which opened with a rant about how these little maggots are just snotty, little, rich people. And it just appealed so much to me … I love the moment when the show starts and this kid sings, ‘My mummy says I’m a miracle. My daddy says I’m a special little guy. I am a princess, and I am a prince. Mum says I’m an angel sent down from the sky.’ And all these parents who’ve brought their four year olds–even though we said it’s six and up, because they think they’re miracles–are immediately mocked by our show. It’s fantastic. It’s really fun to watch all the parents, I don’t think they even get it though.
—  Tim Minchin, Fucking theatre badass.
Their First Fight

Scorpius and Rose first met when they were about four. He was sitting in a stroller in Diagon Alley, in Gringott’s bank. He was quietly sitting there, watching his father talk politely to a goblin, when he heard a voice laugh behind him.

“You’re too big for strollers!” The girl squealed. She could hardly contain herself. Her red curls moved about as she hugged her stomach and laughed.

“I am not!” He said, loudly, pouting.

“Are too,” she said, grinning at him. “How old are you?”

“Four and a half.”

“My Mummy says I’m big enough to walk and I’m only four. My baby brother Hugo uses a stroller and I get to push him,” she said proudly, puffing out her chest. Her mother was talking to another goblin in the desk beside them. Hugo sat calmly in his stroller, sucking his thumb.

“Well… Well… You’re just silly!” He shouted. “What do you know?”

Her eyes narrowed. He kept pouting at her.

“Baby,” she called him, sticking her tongue out.

“Scorpius, what’s all the fuss?” Draco Malfoy asked his son. Scorpius was never usually so angry. He noticed the little red-haired girl. “Oh, hello there.”

“Hi,” she said, a little scared by this strange, pale, tall person.

“You’re a Weasley, aren’t you?” He said this not as snootily as he used to, but Rose still felt he didn’t like Weasleys.

“Yes,” she said quietly, tugging on her mother’s pants.

“Rosie?” Hermione said, turning. “Oh hello, Draco.”

“Hello Hermione,” he said stiffly. “Who’s this?”

“This is Rose,” she introduced her daughter, gently patting her hair.

“He’s too big to be in a stroller,” Rose said, pointing.

“Sweetie, it’s okay. If he wants to be in a stroller, he can.”

“But he’s older than me.”

Hermione gave them both an apologetic look.

“Quite right, you are, Rose. I’ve been trying to get Scorpius to walk about more often, but he never does. He’s too old for it,” Draco agreed with a nod. He was warming up to this strong-hearted little girl. He supported his son 100%, but this was something he didn’t like. Astoria always thought it sweet that he rode around in the stroller, but Draco thought it wasn’t “manly”.

Rose smiled. She liked being right.

“Ahem!” A goblin said, getting their attention. “Mr. Malfoy, may I have your key?”

“Ah! Right,” he said, getting back to his conversation, as Hermione did.

“See? You should stand up like me! That way you can play and go where you want to.” Rose said to Scorpius.

The boy looked as though he might cry. Rose’s heart softened. She was suddenly concerned.

“No, no, don’t cry,” she said quietly. “I was only trying to be friendly.”

Tears ran down the little boy’s now red cheeks. Rose walked over and wiped them away with her little hands. “I’m sorry, Scorpius,” she whispered, hugging him.

He calmed down, sniffling and hugging her back. Scorpius looked into her very bright blue eyes, while Rose stared into his a gentle grey. Eventually, they said goodbye and left with their parents.

They never remembered the moment, years later when they were older and had begun dating, but Hermione and Draco did. Which was why, even though no one expected them to, they supported the couple wholeheartedly. Because after any fight, they’d always make up, hugging each other tightly. They would always look into each other’s eyes and feel at home and loved.


Elizabeth: “Hello Aunty Poppy. My mummy says I’m not allowed to ride the bus alone any more.”

Poppy: “Well, that’s very good advice I’d say. You’re only little and it’s a long way from Windenberg to Newcrest.”

Elizabeth: “She said I can stay for tea though.”

Poppy: “Of course you can. How does eggs and toast sound?”

Elizabeth: “Amazing!” 

Omg can we talk about this Ep 8 promo pic though???

George holding onto his late Aunt Sybil’s gravestone, while Sybbie (in an adorable hat) is walking hand-in-hand with Marigold.

I sooo want to know the context of this scene!

Daddy! 5sos (5sos 4/4)

Request: Okay so the boys doing their daughters hair is too cute!!! Daddy 5sos is just assffghjkl! So I’m requesting more daddy 5sos is, and I don’t care what about, but here’s a few ideas. -going out for ice cream -making their kid pancakes -finding out your pregnant again -toilet training? Idk could be cute I guess. Love your blog and thanks!!!

Omg more daddy 5sos! :D Here goes! Oh, also note that these are in the boys’ P.O.V.



“DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!” Laura shouts as she runs downstairs

“Yes sweetheart?” I ask her, taking her in my arms.

“Mummy says that if you say I’ve been a good girl then you’ll take me out for an ice-cream” She says

“Oh is that what she said?” I question

Laura nods, “Yeah! So have I been a good girl?!”

“Well I don’t know, let me think…” I say, pretending to think “Well you didn’t finish your lunch today so I don’t know…”

“No daddy, I was making room for the ice cream!” She shouts

“Oh were you now?” I ask, as she nods in reply “Well okay then, go get your shoes on!”

I put her down as she parades to find her shoes. I help her put them on and shout up to (Y/N) that we’re going out.

“So, what flavour are you gonna get?” I ask Laura as we drive to the park

“Erm….” She thinks “Chocolate!”

“Good one.” I smile

“What you gonna get daddy?” She asks

“Vanilla, I think”

When we arrive, there isn’t a queue. We order our ice-creams, then sit on the bench outside the shop.

Laura sits on my knee as we eat our ice-cream. It doesn’t take long before we’re both finished. When it comes to ice-cream, it’s gone in a flash with us two.

“You enjoy that?” I question

She nods, “Thanks daddy!”

“You’re welcome beautiful”

“I love you daddy!”

“I love you too, princess”


“After I’ve put Jacob to bed, I need to tell you something” (Y/N) says as she’s half way up the stairs with our eighteen month old son, Jacob.

It panics me whenever she says we need to talk or she needs to tell me something. I know it shouldn’t. But I think it always would anyone.

It only takes (Y/N) fifteen minutes to get Jacob changed into his pyjamas, his teeth brushed and him tucked into bed, and then back in the living room sitting next to me.

“Hi” I say, anxiously “What is it you need to tell me?”

(Y/N) places her hand on my knee, “So, I found out some news the other day. I didn’t know when or how to tell you this. I know we’re not ones for spontaneously surprising each other, so I didn’t want this to seem too formal and weird. But at the same time…I don’t know, I’m rambling. I always do that when I’m nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?” I ask

“It’s just I don’t know how you’re going to react to it because we never spoke about it that much…” She continues “Well, maybes just after we had Jacob but, you know, we were in a honeymoon faze and how did we know that’s what we wanted. Oh god, Michael, I’m sorry, I’m just so up-a-height about this. I don’t think it’s a bad thing and I am happy about it and I know you probably will be too but how can I be sure? I mean I don’t know bu-”

“(Y/N)!!” I shout over the top of her, causing her to stop talking and look at me, “What is it?”

She looks me in the eyes, “Michael, we’re pregnant…”

My eyes nearly fall out of my eyes, “ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?!”

She nods, “Yeah”


I look at her as she smiles a smile of relief and happiness.

“Why were you so nervous about telling me?” I question

“We’d just never really spoke about it so I guess I just didn’t know how you were going to react” She explains

I kneel down in front of her, “Listen, this is the best thing that you could have told me. I was fretting that you were going to end it or something. But I’m glad you didn’t. Because you and Jacob are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I didn’t think our family could get any better than it has been…but…but this is just the best thing ever. I love you. I love Jacob. And I already love this one. Honestly, how you could ever think I’d react badly to being told I’m going to be a dad again is beyond me. I love being a dad. I love everything about it. This is the best thing ever”

I kiss her stomach as if to prove it, and she strokes my hair with her hands.

“Welcome to the family, little one. We can’t wait to meet you” I mumble against her stomach


“Are you ready for this?” (Y/N) questions

“Yeah…” I begin “I just don’t understand why we have to put a ping pong ball in the toilet”

(Y/N) laughs, “I told you. You put it in the toilet, then tell your son to aim for the ball. It makes sure he gets good aim so that when he’s older he won’t, you know, spray the wall”

“Oh…I still don’t get it” I admit

(Y/N) rolls her eyes, and gets me to hold Cameron. She chucks the ping pong ball into the toilet and makes sure the step is in place for Cameron to stand on.

“Right little buddy, now listen to daddy, and he’ll tell you what to do” (Y/N) smiles at Cameron

I tut, “Why do I have to tell him what to do?”

(Y/N) sighs, “Because you’re a dude, you know how to do it if you’re a dude”

I roll my eyes, “Right, okay”

I stand Cameron on the step, then move round so I could face him.

“Right little man, can you see that ping pong ball floating in the water?” I ask him

“Yeah” Cameron says

“Okay, you’re going to pee in the toilet but when you do, I want you to try and get your pee to land on the ping pong ball” I say, shrugging at (Y/N).

She giggles slightly before adding, “Don’t worry if you don’t this time round, we’ve got plenty of time to practise. Just try your best”

“Yeah, daddy can help with your aim” I add

“Pfft! With aim like yours I don’t think we’ll have clean walls” (Y/N) giggles to herself

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?” I question

“I don’t think it…I know it!” She grins

“Remind me again why I love you?” I ask

“Because I make you breakfast in bed every Sunday morning? Because I give you back massages? Because I’m hella fine? And, most importantly, I birthed your son.” She replies

I smirk, “Yeah, there’s something else as well but I’ll let you show me what that is later”

Her eyes widen, “CALUM!”

“Sorry, I ran away with myself” I laughed

“Too right you did!”

“Erm…mummy and daddy, can we get back to the toilety thing because I wanna go back to playing my game?” We hear Cameron say

“Of course little man!” I respond, “Come on, let’s give it a go”


“Not bad for your first time little man!” I smile, high-fiving Cameron

“You did really well” (Y/N) praises, “You’re better than daddy already!”

I tut.

“Can I go back to my game now?” Cameron asks

“Of course you can sweetie” (Y/N) smiles

“I’ll get you back for that snide comment of yours, (Y/L/N)” I smirk

“Can’t wait” She winks


“Daddy’s making pancakes!” (Y/N) shouts

“YAY!” I hear both Dylan and Ryan cheer

God, twins are so loud!

“Daddy can I have the first pancake?” Dylan asks

“No way, daddy can I have the first pancake?” Ryan argues

I laugh, “Come on boys, toss a coin and we’ll find out”

I pull out a coin and pass it to them.

“I’m heads!” Ryan shouts

“I’ll be tails!” Dylan shouts back

With the sound of a coin hit the table - obviously they need to work on their coin tossing skills - they both rush to see who has won.

“YES!” Dylan cheers “Daddy, I get the first pancake, tails won!”

“Okay, okay” I laugh

“Daddy, are you gonna flip the pancake?” Ryan questions

“Sure am, you gonna watch?” I reply


“Are you ready?” I begin “3…2…1…”

“DADDY YOU DID IT!” Dylan and Ryan shout in unison.

Once the pancake is done, I put it straight on the plate.

“And what would you like on your pancake?” I ask Dylan

“Erm…Nutella!” He replies, excitedly.

I take the Nutella jar and spread some of the Nutella on the pancake, making sure it spreads right to the edges.

“There you go little man!” I smile, handing Dylan his pancake.

“Now my pancake daddy!” Ryan reminds me

“I haven’t forgotten. What would you like on your pancake?” I laugh

“Erm…Strawberry and chocolate sauce please daddy” Ryan answers

“Coming right up!” I giggle

I love how excited they get when I make pancakes. I make them the night I get back home from tour and the night before I leave for tour, as a special treat. I love going on tour. But I love my family just as much, and I hate being away from them for so long. They’re the best thing to happen to me. Sure, the twins can be a handful, but they’re cute and fun and hilarious and my two favourite boys. As for (Y/N), I can’t thank her enough. She’s incredible. She gave birth to these two. She’s pretty much raised them. She understands my hectic lifestyle and doesn’t complain half as much as I expected her to. She misses me when I’m not here, I know that because she tells me when I call her every night, and sometimes she’ll send me a random text. But she never expects me to drop anything to get on a flight back home or whatever. She puts up with a lot and I love her for it.

With another excellent flip of the pancake, I finish off Ryan’s pancake and hand it to him, “There you go, buddy”

“Would you like one (Y/N)?” I ask

She shakes her head, “No, get yourself one”

“I had one before I made the boys’ pancakes” I tell her

She giggles, “Always eating!”

“Daddy, I don’t want you to go away tomorrow” Dylan says, sounding sad.

I walk over to him and crouch down to his level.

“Hey, hey. It’s not tomorrow yet. We’ve still got hours to go. It’ll go quicker than you think, I promise. And it’s the same as every other time. I’ll talk to you on the phone to say good-night every night. You can talk to Uncle Michael, Uncle Calum and Uncle Ashton too, if you want. I know they’d love to talk to you too. Don’t miss me too much, though…I don’t want you being sad and upset. Just remember that I love you - the two of you - and your mum very much. I’ll be thinking of you every second of every day.” I say

“I love you daddy!” Dylan smiles, hugging me.

“Love you too, Dylan” I reply “You as well Ryan”

“Love you” Ryan says, eating a bit of his pancake.

Request here