my money is ready but not my heart

This is part one of ?? ask memes containing 00′s lyrics.  This post contains mainly popular top 40 pop songs.

‘  a girl like you is impossible to find  ’
‘  ain’t no other man but you  ’
‘  and in the back of your mind i know you should be over me  ’
‘  been fueling up on cocaine  &  whiskey  ’
‘  best thing about tonight is that we’re night fighting  ’
‘  boys just come  &  go like seasons  ’
‘  can’t seem to get you off my mind  ’
‘  come  &  rest your bones with me  ’
‘  did we get hitched last night?  ’
‘  do you see how much i need you right now?  ’
‘  don’t tell me you’re sorry cause you’re not  ’
‘  don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable  ’
‘  fairytales don’t always have a happy ending,  do they?  ’
‘  feeling like i’m heading for a breakdown  ’
‘  how do i feel this good sober?  ’
‘  how long will i be waiting to be with you again?  ’
‘  i bet you’re hard to get over  ’
‘  i can have another you in a minute  ’
‘  i can’t look at you while i’m lying next to her  ’
‘  i don’t wanna be anything other than me  ’
‘  i don’t wanna be anything other than what i’ve been trying to be lately  ’
‘  i drove for miles  &  miles  &  wound up at your door  ’
‘  i have the tendency of getting very physical  ’
‘  i haven’t seen the sunshine in three damn days  ’
‘  i hope you know that this has nothing to do,  it’s personal  ’
‘  i hoped you were coming home to stay  ’
‘  i just called to say i love you,  come back home  ’
‘  i just called to say i want you to come back home  ’
‘  i keep her coming every night,  so hard to keep her satisfied  ’
‘  i know i left too much mess  &  destruction to come back again  ’
‘  i know i tend to get so insecure  ’
‘  i know you think that i shouldn’t still love you  ’
‘  i never thought i’d need you there when i cry  ’
‘  i promise i’m not trying to make your life harder  ’
‘  i said see you later boy  ’
‘  i swear i’ll change my ways  ’
‘  i think i’ve already lost you  ’
‘  i think you’re already gone  ’
‘  i wanna take a ride on your disco stick  ’
‘  i want to make you feel beautiful  ’
‘  i was off to drink you away  ’
‘  i wonder if i’ll ever change my ways  ’
‘  i would’ve stayed up with you all night had i known how to save a life  ’
‘  if i just lay here,  would you lie with me  &  just forget the world?  ’
‘  if your heart is always searching, can you ever found a home?  ’
‘  if you’re gone,  maybe it’s time to come home  ’
‘  is there anyone out there cause it’s getting harder  &  harder to breathe  ’
‘  it’s not always rainbows  &  butterflies,  it’s compromise,  it moves us along  ’
‘  it’s personal,  myself  &  i,  we got some straightening up to do  ’
‘  it’s time for me to go home  ’
‘  it’s time to be a big girl now  &  big girls don’t cry  ’
‘  it’s too late to apologize  ’
‘  it’s your fault you didn’t shut the refrigerator,  maybe that’s the reason i’ve been acting so could  ’
‘  i’ll be your best friend  &  you’ll be my valentine  ’
‘  i’ll do what it takes  ’
‘  i’m bringing sexy back  ’
‘  i’m going home to the place where i belong  ’
‘  i’m in love  &  always will be  ’
‘  i’m leaving,  never to come back again  ’
‘  i’m not crazy,  i’m just a little unwell  ’
‘  i’m not going to write you a love song  ’
‘  i’m not ready to make nice  ’
‘  i’m still mad as hell  ’
‘  i’ve had you so many times,  but somehow i want more  ’
‘  let’s get this party started  ’
‘  let’s talk this over,  it’s not like we’re dead  ’
‘  make them boys go loco  ’
‘  my heart is full  &  my door’s always open,  you come anytime you want  ’
‘  please,  just cut it out  ’
‘  she acts like summer  &  walks like rain  ’
‘  she always belonged to someone else  ’
‘  she listens like spring  &  she talks like june  ’
‘  shut up  &  put your money where your mouth is  ’
‘  since you’ve been gone my worlds been dark  &  grey  ’
‘  so much for my happy ending  ’
‘  some things in this world you just can’t change  ’
‘  some things you don’t need until they leave you  ’
‘  spare me your frickin’ dirty looks  ’
‘  steal some covers,  share some skin  ’
‘  tell me,  boy,  now wouldn’t that be sweet?  ’
‘  that’s what you get for waking up in vegas  ’
‘  they say time heals everything,  but i’m still waiting  ’
‘  this is not what i intended,  i always swore to you i’d never fall apart  ’
‘  this love has taken its toll on me  ’
‘  this shit is bananas  ’
‘  times square can’t shine as bright as you  ’
‘  tonight will be the night that i will fall for you over again  ’
‘  welcome to the real world  ’
‘  we’ll be playmates  &  lovers  &  share our secret worlds  ’
‘  when you look me in the eyes  &  tell me that you love me,  everything’s alright  ’
‘  when you’re gone the pieces of my heart are missing you  ’
‘  where did i go wrong,  i lost a friend  ’
‘  wish i had a good girl to miss me  ’
‘  you can hold my hand if you want to cause i wanna hold yours too  ’
‘  you got me twisted  ’
‘  you look so dumb right now  ’
‘  you put on quite a show,  really had me going  ’
‘  you reminded me of brighter days  ’
‘  you should turn yourself around  &  come on home  ’
‘  you’re so ugly when you cry  ’

Moon, Stars, and Sun

Pairing: Spencer x Reader

Word Count: 1,577

Request: Yes.  -Leave requests here

Warnings: none my sensitive loves

Summary: Anon asked:  can you do a reid x reader where the reader has a son from when she was raped and her and spence have been dating a while and the biological father is dead and she asks spencer what to tell her son when he starts asking about who his dad is and spencer sees it as the perfect time to propose since he was planning on it anyway and the next day, emily sees the ring and freaks out with joy and tells garcia and jj and the rest of the team?

Originally posted by bau-obsessed

You curled your knees up to your chest, hugging yourself tight.  You had just gotten off the phone with Hotch, and he broke the news that Daniel Gunther, the father of your child, was dead.  He died that evening in his prison cell, and although you were relieved that your rapist was gone for good, you couldn’t help but wonder what this meant for Charlie, your son.  He was the moon, stars, and sun in your eyes and you didn’t know what you were ever going to tell him when he asked who his father was.  

Although he wasn’t old enough to understand much about it yet, you knew he would eventually ask who his real father was, since you met Spencer well after he was born.  He was bound to know that he wasn’t his real dad.

Sighing, you turned the TV on in Spencer’s bedroom.  You had moved there with Charlie a few months back since you’ve been dating for a while.  To your relief, both of the men in your life loved each other immensely, and that just gave you a truly warm feeling in your heart anytime you thought about either of them.  Spencer may not be his dad, but he was the perfect father, and that is all you could ask for.

You uncurled your legs and stretched them out in front of you on the bed, focusing your attention back to the TV.

“He’s finally asleep,” you heard a soft voice say from the door.  You looked over to see Spencer entering the room and your heart skipped a beat, the love you had for the man evident every time you saw him.  “That kid has got so much energy.”

“I know.  It’s a miracle when you get him to bed any earlier than midnight,” you said.  Your voice was softer than it usually was, and Spencer could tell.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, sitting on the bed next to you.

You shook your head and turned off the TV.  “I just got a call from Hotch.  Daniel’s dead.”

Spencer’s eyes widened slightly at the news.  “When?”

“This evening.  They found him dead in his cell.  The guards think it was a suicide,” you replied, looking down at your hands folded in your lap.

“Wow,” was all he said.  After a few moments of silence, he grabbed your hands and you looked up at him.  “What’s the problem?” he asked gently.

“Charlie.  His dad is dead.  What do I tell him?” you asked.

“Well, you don’t have to tell him anything right now.”

“But he’ll start asking questions, Spence.  He knows you aren’t his actual dad and he’ll want to know about him.  I’ve tried to come up with a million lies to tell him about his dad, and I know that when the time comes, I won’t have the strength to lie to him,” you said.  You surprisingly weren’t crying.  Your voice was soft but rushed.  He knew you were trying to be strong for your son.  That you would do anything for him.  And right now, in that moment, he knew he would do the same.  Charlie was moon, sun, and stars in his eyes, too, and looking at you in that moment, with your hair unwashed and wearing nothing but one of his t-shirts and a pair of panties, he knew you and Charlie were going to be a part of him for the rest of his life.  

“Stay here for just a second,” he said to you, getting up and walking out the door.  You had no clue what he was doing, but you watched him walk out the door and waited until he returned moments later, with a hand behind his back.  You narrowed your eyes at him as he sat in front of you on the bed, cross legged, his crazy mismatched socks touching your own bare feet.

“I get that you’re scared about Charlie, but the truth is, he’s a really strong kid.  There are plenty of things you can tell him about who his father was and what he did for a living, really the possibilities are endless.  But why don’t we wait until he is old enough to truly understand?  When he asks who his father is, just say it’s me.  Because as of right now, it is, isn’t it?  I mean you both live with me, and I love you both and I see us as a family, don’t you see us as a family?”

Tears were beginning to stream down your face as you nodded vigorously at him.  You did see the three of you as a family.

“And I think the best way to secure that picture,” he said, bringing forward his hidden hand.  He was holding a small red velvet box.  “Is to ask you this question.”  His voice was shaking, as was his hands as it opened the box to reveal the radiant cut diamond ring.  You brought your hand to your mouth, hiding your shy smile.  “Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N.  Make me the luckiest and happiest man on earth by allowing me to be in you and your son’s lives for the rest of mine.  Will you marry me?”  Tears began to fall from his eyes, too.  You looked at the ring, small and delicate, but bright and beautiful.  All you could manage was more nodding and a choked out yes.

The smile on Spencer’s face was priceless.  In a hurry, he took the ring out of its box and put it on your finger, holding onto your shaking hands with his.

“I love you so much, Spence,” you said through the happiest tears you’ve ever cried.

“I love you, too, y/n,” he replies in a croaky voice.  He pulled you into his arms, enveloping your body in his.  And that night, without the words, Spencer showed you just how much he loved you.

“Briefing in five,” JJ said, passing by your desk that Monday.  You and Spencer kept quiet over the weekend, keeping the news of your engagement to yourselves and Charlie.  Going into the bullpen that day, you managed to keep your left hand occupied as not to notify anyone of your news just yet.

“Hey, y/n.  I heard about Daniel,” Prentiss said, coming up to your desk.

“Yeah,” is all you said.  I mean, what could you say.  Without thinking, you ran your hand through your hair, flashing your ring to a gaping Emily.

“Um, what is that?” she asked.  You quickly hid your hand behind your head.

“What is what?” you asked nervously, pretending to scratch.  For a profiler, you were bad at lying.  Emily grabbed your hand and pulled it to her, eyes widening at the diamond upon your finger.

“Oh.  My.  God!” she yelled just as Garcia walked by.

“What are you screaming about that I am not included in?” she asked.  Emily shoved your hand out to let Garcia get a good look at it.  “Oh my god!” she said, grabbing your hand too.

“Guys, please,” you said grinning.  “We need to get ready for the briefing.”

“When did this happen?” Emily asked with a smile.

“Friday night.  He said he was going to do it later this month but he just couldn’t help it I guess,” you told them, grinning even bigger.  

“Aww.  My heart is so happy for you two,” Garcia said.  Her eyes were still on your ring, probably calculating how much money it costed.

“Am I interrupting something little ladies?” Morgan said as he walked up to the group.  Penelope grabbed your hand and stuck it out to him.

“Reid proposed Friday.  You’re boy didn’t even tell you, did he?” she asked him with a smirk.

“Guys, we need to- oh my god,” JJ said.  “Did Spence propose?”

“Well, I guess the cat is just totally out of the bag,” you said with a roll of your eyes.

“What are you guys talking about?” Everyone turned their heads to Spencer, sitting at his desk with a fresh cup of coffee, oblivious.

Gingerly, you hold up your hand to flash the ring to him.  He pressed his lips together in obvious embarrassment.  You shot him a look of apology as you knew he wanted to be the one to tell everyone.

“How did you propose to your girl without telling me?” Morgan asked, but he was still smiling.

“Guys,” you all heard Hotch from the briefing room.  With that one word, everyone straightened up and made their way to the room where him and Rossi were waiting.

“JJ, mind telling me why all of you are late?” Hotch asked, handing out the files for her in frustration.

“Pretty boy asked y/n to marry him,” Morgan answered for her.  That made Hotch look over at you and Spencer in surprise.

You shrugged and held up your hand once again to show David and Hotch the diamond.

“Well, I say that as soon as this investigation is closed, we celebrate with a few drinks and dinner,” Emily said taking a seat.

“Congrats,” is all Hotch said to you two, but you could see the hint of a smile on his lips.

“I’m buying,” Rossi added before turning to the board to listen to JJ for the briefing.  You looked over at Spencer with a wide smile, and he smiled back at you, grabbing your hand across the table to hold.

You were absolutely the happiest woman on earth.

Famous Romans as Dril Tweets
  • Livia: i pay good money to load my sons bag with treats, and if Erasmus Infowars Copfucker wants to devour them in the university library, so be it
  • Ovid: if youre one of the guys who blocked me on here, i Forgive you, and im ready for you to unblock me now.
  • Cicero: in the midst of jade helm 15 and high gas prices. a good boy looks to the stars and asks where have all the angels Gone ...............
  • Claudius: startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no
  • Agrippina the Younger: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit
  • Caligula: me: nobody has to get owned today. please, please put down the keyboard and step back 9 year old child: Fuck oyu
  • Julia Domna: measure to approve massive depressing statue in the center of town depicting an emaciated mayor carrying a boulder that says "My Sons" on it
  • Julius Caesar: dis charged from the army for doing memes too much
  • Augustus: blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin
  • Nero: the jduge orders me to take off my anonymous v mask & im wearing the joker makeup underneath it. everyone in the courtroom groans at my shit
  • Cornelia: THIngs other people like: being bastards, being Uniformly tasteless THINGS I Like: Being reasonably kind, and trying to help, when i can
  • Cato the Elder: ive never laughged at a piss joke. (sees how impressed everyone is, takes it one step further) in fact, ive never laughed before in my life.
ACOWAR Characters & Florence + The Machine Lyrics

Feyre:  And with one kiss you inspired a fire of devotion.
What kind of man loves like this? (What kind of Man, How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful 2015.)

Rhysand: I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too.
So I stayed in the darkness with you (Cosmic Love, Lungs 2009.)

Cassian:  A kick in the teeth is good for some. A kiss with a fist is better than none (Kiss with a Fist, Lungs 2009.)

Lucien: There’s a drumming noise inside my head that starts when you’re around. I swear that you could hear it. Louder than sirens, louder than bells, sweeter than heaven and hotter than hell(Drumming Song, Lungs 2009.)

Tamlin:  And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind. I can never leave the past behind. Looking for heaven, found the devil in me (Shake it Out, Ceremonials 2011.)

Elain:  And my heart is a hollow plain for the devil to dance again. I was looking for a breath of a life, for a little touch of heavenly light. Whose side am I on? (Breath of Life, Snow White & the Huntsman Soundtrack 2012.)

Nesta:  I must become a lion hearted girl ready for a fight, before I make the final sacrifice  (Rabbit Heart, Lungs 2009.)

Mor:  I’ve been keeping secrets, from my heart and from my soul. Going from road to road, bed to bed, lover to lover (Lover to Lover, Ceremonials 2011.)

Azriel:  So much time on the other side waiting for you to wake up.
Maybe I’ll see you in another life if this one wasn’t enough  (How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful 2015.)

Amren: Holy water cannot help you now. Thousand armies couldn’t keep me out. I don’t want your money. I don’t want your crown.
See I’ve come to burn your kingdom down (Seven Devils, Ceremonials 2011.)

Hybern:  And I never wanted anything from you, except everything you had and what was left after that too (Dog Days Are Over, Lungs 2009.)

The Suriel:  ‘Cause your pain is a tribute. The only thing you let hold you.
Wear it now like a mantle. Always there to remind you  (Third Eye, How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful 2015.)

me (about Elucien): Did I build a ship to wreck?  (Ship to Wreck, How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful 2015.)

Wedding Bells - Bambam

I believe marriage is a beautiful chapter in one’s life. You get to spend the rest of your life with the person who promise to forever love until death do you apart. Every morning you wake up with the person. Every night you sleep with the person. Most of every moment will be shared after the day you say “I do.” It’s a beautiful blessing, isn’t it?

Keep reading

Hey guys, Dresden here. You’ll notice my PR hat slipping as I’m in the middle of college finals and exhausted and hardly have the ability to exist about 75% of the time but wanted to give you a prompt response so here I am.

Below you’ll find an incomplete list of veterinary expenses, examples of other expenses incurred, an accounting of donations both monetary and material, adoption fee earnings, and a quick sketch of net costs.

Selected veterinary expenses:

·         12-02-15: Athos and Astro- Vaccines + HW test: $87.00

·         12-11-15: Astro and Nova- HW prev., Fecal… : $87.75

·         12-14-15:Ath.Ast,Scar.- Booster x3, HW test for Scarlett, HW pr: $144.00

·         12-19-15: Flo HW test, vaccines, prev.- $53.00

·         1-15-16: Nova-Health cert- $36.00

·         1-15-16: Scarlett- HW prev x3- $30.00

·         1-29-16: Baloo-HW test, vaccines- $59.00

·         2-5-16: Baloo-  HW treatment, preventative- $710.30

·         3-22-16: Latte-Spay (sort of), HW test, vaccines-$91.50

·         6-23-16 Night Vale Litter- vaccines and exam $304.00

·         6-29-16: Emma- spay, HW test $151.00

·         7-12-16: Baloo- HW test- $23.00

·         11-1-16: Terrier trio- spay/neauters, vaccines- $117.00

·         11-18-16: Pinon- Vaccines $36.00

·         11-14-16: Emma starting HW retest, starting meds- $100.00

·         12-02-16: Emma- rest of HW treatment- $535.05

Total: $2575.75

Other veterinary expenses not included above are two additional emergency visits (Baloo & Carlos) whose bills I don’t have on hand and don’t want to fudge, and Baloo’s heartworm treatment for which I was mostly reimbursed through donations to his fundraiser.

Gentle reminder- things like donations for those big vet bills always come -after- they’ve already had to be paid at the vet. I do not get special treatment. I pay when services are rendered just like everyone else. So more often than not it’s using up all the available Patronus funds and still having to split the bill onto a personal credit card then  sucking it up (part time dog training does not pay much my friends) until the dog gets adopted and I can pay myself back.

Selected other expenses:

·         Food and chews for Project dogs when donated items ran out

·         Start-up cost to build the foster set-up

·         buying crates for transport (when flying dogs, usually have them cover plane fees, I do health cert and crate and whatnot)

·         gas money for transport which has been a significant expense as only TWO of our dogs have ended up within an hour drive of my location. Most are 5+.

·         Supplies used while raising the Night Vale litter. Whelping space, extra care for mamma, bedding, bedding, and enrichment/socialization items (oh my!). Starting potty training with shaving at 4-5 weeks old is a great idea! Downside- so. many. bags. of. shavings. I think I have one of their vet bills listed above, but there is a second one as well for half the litter.

Donations from Patreon (total to date): $1335

Current Patreon balance: $553

Used Patreon balance: 1335 – 553 = $782

Other donated items: bags of food, chews, and miscellaneous other items that you can find if you scroll back to find the posts where I photograph each donation and thank the donor for it. All of the donations were used by Patronus dogs only.

(Note: I made the executive decision to decline checks that came in over the holidays for personal reasons so the above is the extent of donation accepted by the Project.)

Adoption fees charged: $2,250.00

–“But Dresdennnnnn, that doesn’t add up to the amount of dogs you’ve adopted out through the project!!!!” I know. Why? Because sometimes, I have a dog so long, and I spend time with the right people for that dog and something in my cold little heart breaks and I waive the adoption fee. (Or I’ve been so shell shocked after this summer that I could not find a single fuck to give about getting money in) I just wanted the dogs to be in the homes they deserve. I love them, but they are not mine to keep.

“Net” Project income: $782 + $2250 - $2575 = $457

Which is much less than the total of the additional veterinary and miscellaneous expenses that are listed above. So actually: the net project income has been negative. (I don’t entirely understand this part, I mostly look at bank accounts and cry but my goddess of a helper can explain if this needs clarification)

–“What about service dog training income?” I wish I could say I “do” service dogs for profit. I do get paid to do private lessons with clients- but that’s all through work: I get a percentage of the cost in my paycheck. I’ve sold one dog, and if that person wants to talk about the quality of experience they had with me while here and upon returning home with said dog and how much they paid they can- but it does not concern or affect Patronus in any way, shape, or form as I covered all of that dog’s costs. The only overlap is if a prospect washes then they get adopted out through Patronus- so once that decision has been made their vet care switches to Patronus. Which I now realize I don’t have Hollis’ last vet check up their either but I think you get the idea (waived her adoption fee, the amount of patience both her foster family and her adoptive family had with her actually made me, in a soulless state of existence, cry). But by washing they are no longer “service dogs for profit” so again zero conflict of interest or expense going on there.

The take-away

I am a broke ass college student who is scraping by on a part time job and student loans. Patronus is not a money maker. Because of you guys (and the support of others outside dogblr) I have been able to save so many lives, literally. I’ve poured my heart and soul into these dogs and it’s taken so much out of me.

Last summer was rough for me on quite a few levels- You’re welcome to talk to me privately on my personal (keepitupwiseguy) if you have a burning need to know. But park of me broke during the month of July and I’m still trying to feel ready to take on a foster of my own. (For context, though I got burnt out in July I still actively fostered and placed multiple dogs all the way through December) Taking a hiatus is allowing me to get my heart back in the game as well as allowing for more practical matters like building a veterinary expense fund and networking with some truly amazing opportunities in the works for the future.

I’ve been open about taking the hiatus and why. I’ve been open about the continuation of the Project’s Patreon during the haitus. Right now I’m doing what I should have done the first time around- making sure I have a medical expense buffer BEFORE the first dog. It’s pretty fucking terrifying sitting in the vets office, waiting to hear from a tech whether you’ll have to be using half your personal paycheck on the dog or not.

So there you have it. This is me, Dresden, signing out. We are on hiatus until we have at least $750 set aside and I either have a foster who is ready or I am personally ready to take on a project dog myself.

Quick note about proof of expenses: I understand why dogblr is upset with the idea that people aren’t putting their money where their mouth is. I get it. I really really do guys. But I truly don’t have the time or energy right now to find and post every receipt I’ve got. If you want to see a specific vet bill, though, sure, ask away – I can get those from the vet again fairly quickly. And you are always. Always. free to stop ongoing donations on Patreon.

The Girl in the Mirror Pt2

AU: Riley Matthews is a small town girl and Lucas Friar is your typical rich boy. One day their worlds collide and a single lie takes them on a life changing journey. Can you love someone if you don’t know who they really are? Or can love help you become who you are meant to be? Riley Matthews was a small town girl until she met Lucas Friar, your anything but typical rich boy.

A/N: Here it is finally, the second part of The Girl in the Mirror. I want to thank you all for the feedback I got for the first part, I really hope you will like the whole story. I am still mapping out some key points, trying to figure our what exactly to do with it but don’t worry - I won’t stop writing for the Rucas fandom anytime soon. I also accept suggestions on who do you want to see in the story - I tried to include everyone in The Riley Diaries but if there’s something you want to see here, feel free to say it. I hope you like this part and that you are still interested in the story.



“I can’t believe you’re at school before the third period,” I laughed walking out of class to meet Maya, who was standing at the hallway, “Is it Christmas or something?”

“It’s September, you silly,” Maya laughed, linking our arms, “I came to make sure you are okay.”

“That’s really sweet,” I put my hand on top of hers, “But I am fine, except one guy collided in me on my way to class.”

“Riley Matthews, boy magnet,” Maya laughed and nudged me, “Who is he, tell me all about him.”

“His name is Lucas,” I was looking around, trying to not sound interested, “Blond hair, green eyes, not able to walk properly.”

“Well, well,” I heard a familiar voice behind us, “I see that my reputation precedes me.”

“I,” I started stuttering, nervous that he heard what we were talking about, “I am right, you can’t walk.”

“That’s a very interesting observation, but how about we see if I can dance,” Lucas smiled at Maya and then looked back at me, “How about you come with me to the school dance tonight?”

“Me,” I was shocked but also starting to get excited, “You just met me, I can be a serial killer.”

“Is she,” Lucas looked at Maya and she shook her head giggling.

“You’re not, it’s settled,” He smiled at me, not even giving me the chance to deny – not that I was trying to.

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Embracing Your Shadow

What is the Shadow?

The Shadow is those aspects of self that are kept hidden in the dark and out of awareness.  Many of these aspects of self have great holds on your life and actually dictate your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and actions.  A metaphor would be a hidden cave in which you keep those parts of yourself that, on an unconscious level, you prefer to avoid or ignore.

The Shadow includes your deepest fears, shames, regrets, judgments, core beliefs, unconscious contracts/vows, “truths” about life, about others and yourself, as well as your greatest power, your beauty, your sacred and divine self.  In other words, the Shadow includes all these things about yourself that “you don’t know that you don’t know” or those things that sit in your subconscious.

Why is it important to get familiar with your Shadow?

With the understanding that your everyday life is a reflection of your inner state, i.e., that your actions and manifestations including relationships, career, money, etc. are a reflection of your inner state, the Shadow has a great impact on your life.  The Shadow is a major part of your inner self that is hidden from your awareness.  Ignoring or avoiding your Shadow is like driving a car that was programmed to turn right at every intersection while assuming that, because you are the one holding the stirring wheel, it should be going in the direction you dictate. Getting to know your Shadow is like cracking the code and revealing the programming that dictates your thoughts, feelings and actions and eventually your manifestations and results.

In addition to healing those parts of you that hold you back from achieving your desired results, getting familiar with, healing and embracing your Shadow can assist you in unleashing trapped life energies, your deepest power, inspiration and authenticity.  For example, many people know that they are extremely talented; however their bank account does not reflect this fact.  Their Shadow may include an unconscious vow to never have more money than their family or to never shine as it might cause others to be jealous.

Can you see how much energy is put into keeping yourself small although it does not serve you or those exact people you try to “protect?” Can you see how much of your life force is suffocated?  Honoring these old “truths,” vows and fears that served you in the past and, then, releasing their hold of you, can free much of your energy and inner power to be used to achieve both progress in your daily like and desired results.

A few ways to put Light into your Shadow

1. Examine your negative patterns and look for those deep-rooted reasons for these patterns.

Before we look into the ways to recognize rooted causes for your patterns, please consider that the things that you perceive as faults, negative patterns or things you do not like about yourself are actually your assets.  The only issue with them is that they are over-amplified.  If you turn the notch down a little, these so-called faults will reveal their asset value.  In other words, your weaknesses will become your strengths.  For example, a person who is extra careful about spending money to the point of deprivation (behavior that is most likely rooted in some deep fear or core- limiting belief about life and self) may turn down “the volume” on this behavior and actually bring it to a position of being responsible with money.  Being responsible is an asset, while deprivation is a “fault” or negative pattern.

Turning the volume down can be done through revealing the rooted cause of the pattern. Ask yourself or journal about the following: what is my earliest memory of this pattern? What does the picture look like? Who is there? What words were spoken? What was the impact of this mental picture and these words on me? How did my body react at that moment? What did I feel? What conclusion did I draw about life, about myself? What conclusion did I draw about what I should/could be, do or have? This kind of examination will assist you in revealing hidden fears, beliefs and even vows you have made that can be called on to be honored for their past service and, then, released.

2. Take advantage of challenging times and crises to identify and embrace Shadow aspects of your self.

Challenging times and crises such as unemployment, break ups and financial difficulties may bring to light more vulnerable parts of self. For example, one might become overly fearful, needy, rigid and such. Although it is natural to feel any of these feelings and exhibit more extreme behaviors during crises and major transitions, these amplified responses might shed light on what existed in the dark all along, e.g., core limiting beliefs such as “the world / life isn’t safe, “ “I am alone,” “No one is to be trusted,”… etc. Be gentle with yourself, seek help and support as needed and take the time to examine what is asking to be revealed about yourself beyond this specific situation. What is asking to be healed, released and embraced? Usually it is the “child” part of the self that needs to be heard and embraced.

3. Ask your higher self, spirit and/or spiritual guides to reveal those aspects that affect your life that you are not seeing.

Simply ask to have your inner truth revealed to you.  This can be done through meditation, automatic writing, Breathwork and such.  Be prepared to get some answers through insights, memories and new found understandings of what the factors are that affect your perceptions, beliefs and behaviors.

For automatic writing, devote about 10 minutes (or more) of uninterrupted time. Have a piece of paper and pen ready and sit in a quite space. Take a few breaths in and out, allowing you body to relax and be centered. Imagine your heart opening and light shining out of your heart.

On the top of the paper, write the following: ”Dear higher self, spirit, God” (whatever words you feel comfortable with).

On the next line write, “Please reveal to me what I am not seeing about myself… about my relationship…, my work, my ability to earn more money, (any issue you want answers or information about). Also write; “please answer me through my pen.”

On the next line, write “Dear _______________” (your name)

Take a few more breaths and start writing anything that comes through your pen. Don’t look for anything to make sense. Just let streams of thought come through your pen. When the streams of thought ends, read what you have written. You might be surprised.

Practice automatic writing often. The more you do it, the clearer the messages become. As mentioned above, you can also use mediation, Breathwork, walks in nature or any other way that makes you connect with you inner self/higher self.

4. Focus on your Shadow rather than what needs to be changed in the world or in others

Jeshua Channeling by Pamela Kribbe notes that, “It’s your life purpose to shine light on the hardened and petrified parts of you. To spread your light on earth, first and foremost reach out to the darkness within.”  In other words, one does not need to focus on what needs to be remedied in the world, but, instead, on what needs to be healed within.  Once you embrace your own journey, your light will shine out and inspire others to do the same.

In this channeling, you are asks you to imagine a stone that contains all the emotions with which you have difficulties; the fears and negative beliefs you have about yourself and life.

The stone symbolizes all that got stuck and blocked within you. The stone also points out to you your soul mission to bring light into the most dense parts within you.

You are asked to take a moment to look into the stone. Hold it with gentle care and allow your consciousness to go into it and sense the energy inside it. What do you sense? How does it feel? What is its color? Ask the stone to tell its story to you.

Now, notice what happens to the stone once you’ve held it and have given it loving and welcoming attention. Looking at your stone with acceptance and understanding transforms it.

See the color and form your stone turns into. Now, ask the stone what gifts it has for you. Listen to its message.

I am sending you my blessings for a joyous journey, embracing all parts of yourself and living a life aligned with your sacred inner truth and wisdom.

By: Smadar Efrat Yaish

Drabble Game: Song Version (BTS)

Ok so since I’m trying to get my writer juices flowing and songs inspire me greatly when writes stories I thought I’d made a drabble like request game where you guys vote on which of the following song/member pairing you’d like me to write (I wouldn’t mind writing them all but yeah I gotta eat and sleep and stuff). There is a girl group version of this so check that out too.

N.B: The numbers next to the titles are the amount of times that story has been requested. I will be posting the drabbles in the order of the most to least requested so if you want your favorite to be pumped up the list send in a vote 

(None of the gifs are mine)

Space Between - Falling out of love (0)

We lay hollow in the emptiness
I’m too tired to push you from the bed

No one’s moving, we lack the courage to
We lay in stalemate, wishing the other would
But we’re too tired, we let the embers cool

No more fighting, there’s no more fighting
There’s no more fighting for us

Salvatore - Kingpin au (0)

Everything looks better from above, my king
Like aquamarine, oceans blue

Catch me if you can, working on my tan, salvatore
Dying by the hand of a foreign man happily
Calling out my name in the summer rain, ciao amore
Salvatore can wait
Now it’s time to eat soft ice cream

Million Dollar Man - Sugar daddy au (2)

It isn’t that hard boy to like you or love you
I’d follow you down down down You’re unbelievable

One for the money, two for the show
I love you honey, I’m ready, I’m ready to go
How did you get that way, I don’t know
You’re screwed up and brilliant
And look like a million dollar man
So why is my heart broke?

Hurricane - Maledom (Nymphomaniac inspired) (3)

There’s a place way down in Bed-Stuy,
Where a boy lives behind bricks,
He’s got an eye for girls of eighteen,
And he turns them out like tricks

It Will Come Back - Cold-hearted Yoongi falls in love (2)

Don’t give it a hand, offer it a soul
Honey, make this easy.
Leave it to the land, this is what it knows
Honey, that’s how it sleeps.

Don’t let me in with no intention to keep me
Jesus Christ, don’t be kind to me.
Honey don’t feed me I will come back.

Fair Game - The OC with a bad history with men falls in love with Namjoon (1)

You terrify me
‘Cause you’re a man, you’re not a boy
You got some power
And I can’t treat you like a toy

You got too close and
I pushed and pushed hoping you’d bite
So I could run, run
And that I did but through the dust
You saw those teeth marks
They weren’t all yours, you had been thrust into a history
That had not worked for me, into a history
From which I could not flee
So go on shake me
Shake until I give it up

Straight For The Knife - Unhealthy relationship (3)

Put on my best dress, I wanted to impress
I put a little make-up on
Put a bow in my hair, wore pretty underwear
Hoping you might take it off
Don’t know your etiquette
But I’m strapped to my chair
And it ain’t ‘cause you’re pretty
You were charming, until
You saw your chance to kill
Your chance to make history

You wonder why
I’m scared of fire
You wonder why you make girls cry

Colors - Artist Hobi and his muse (0)

You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope
I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old

Everything is blue
His pills, his hands, his jeans
And now I’m covered in the colors
Pulled apart at the seams
And it’s blue

Everything is grey
His hair, his smoke, his dreams
And now he’s so devoid of color
He don’t know what it means

Cherry Wine - Unhealthy relationship (2)

Her eyes and words are so icy
Oh but she burns
Like rum on a fire
Hot and fast and angry
As she can be
I walk my days on a wire

It looks ugly, but it’s clean
Oh mamma, don’t fuss over me

You Don’t Own Me - FWB au (0)

You don’t own me
I’m not just one of your many toys
You don’t own me
Don’t say I can’t go with other boys

I don’t tell you what to say
I don’t tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That’s all I ask of you
I’m young and I love to be young
And I’m free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please

Side To Side - Badboy Tae (1)

I’m comin’ at ya
‘Cause I know you got a bad reputation
Doesn’t matter, 'cause you give me temptation
And we don’t gotta think 'bout nothin’

These friends keep talkin’ way too much
Say I should give you up
Can’t hear them, no, 'cause I…

I’ve been there all night
I’ve been there all day
And boy, got me walkin’ side to side

Back To Black - Cheater Tae (Drabble out: read it here)

He left no time to regret
Kept his dick wet
With his same old safe bet
Me and my head high
And my tears dry
Get on without my guy

I love you much
It’s not enough
You love blow and I love puff

Born To Die - Bonnie and Clyde au (3)

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh,
Lets go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane,
Choose your last words, this is the last time
Cause you and I, we were born to die
We were born to die
We were born to die

Free The Animal - Enemies who have sex (0)

I love you so
Wanna throw you from the roof
The pressure builds
Wanna put my hands through you
I’ll squeeze you tight until you take your last breath
Loving you to death, loving you to death

Don’t Hurt Yourself - Arranged marriage au where Jungkook thinks he can fuck other girls (4)

Who the fuck do you think I is?
You ain’t married to no average bitch boy

And keep your money, I’ve got my own

I smell that fragrance on your Louis Knit boy
Just give my fat ass a big kiss boy
Tonight I’m fucking up all your shit boy

Brooklyn Baby - Band au (0)

And my boyfriend’s in a band
He plays guitar while I sing Lou Reed
I’ve got feathers in my hair
I get high on hydroponic weed
And my jazz collection’s rare
I get down to beat poetry
I’m a Brooklyn baby
I’m a Brooklyn baby

Yeah my boyfriend’s pretty cool
But he’s not as cool as me
Cause I’m a Brooklyn baby
I’m a Brooklyn baby

Ex’s And Oh’s - Player OC (1)

Well, I had me a boy, turned him into a man
I showed him all the things that he didn’t understand
Whoa, and then I let him go

One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
'Cause I’m the best baby that they never gotta keep
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave

Ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like ghosts they want me to make 'em all
They won’t let go



Established Relationship

Fake/Pretend Relationship

Keep reading

JOANNE starter meme

Lyrics taken Lady Gaga’s 2016 album JOANNE. A mix of angst, fluff, comedy, shippy, and nsfw inbox starters. Feel free to adjust pronouns and what.

  • Some asshole broke me in.
  • And this dance is on you.
  • I’m not flawless, but I gotta diamond heart.
  • Want a good thing? Put the money down first.
  • ‘Cause soon I’m breaking out of here.
  • Here we go!
  • I can’t wait to rev you up.” 
  • Now it’s a party.
  • My body’s got you pleadin’.
  • Light me up and breathe in.” 
  • Take my hand, stay _____.” 
  • Heaven’s not ready for you.
  • Every part of my aching heart needs you more.
  • Where do you think you’re goin’?” 
  • If you could, I know that you’d stay.
  • We both know things don’t work that way.
  • And baby, you’re just movin’ on.
  • And can you go a little faster?!
  • I crave a real wild man.
  • I’m strung out on John Wayne.
  • Here I go, into our love storm.
  • I lay around, touch myself to pass the time.” 
  • In the fire, I call your name out.
  • Up all night tryin’ to rub the pain out?
  • Your hands are mine.
  • Oh, can you hear me singin’?
  • My guessing game is strong.
  • It wasn’t love. It was a perfect illusion.
  • You were a perfect illusion.
  • Maybe you’re just a dream.
  • You’re giving me a million reasons to let you go.
  • I try to make the worst seem better.
  • But baby, I just need one good one to stay.
  • And if you say something that you might even mean, it’s hard to even fathom which parts I should believe.
  • Every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faith.
  • Tell me that you’ll be the good one.
  • He has a funny way saying forever too fast.
  • Can’t blame a tramp for something he don’t have.
  • I don’t wanna break the heart of any other man but you.
  • Hear my sinner’s prayer. It’s the only one I know.
  • She wants nothing more than a man to please.
  • He’s thirsty when he drinks.
  • I can carry you, but not your ghosts.
  • Tell me who hurt you.
  • There’s gonna be no future if we don’t figure this out.
  • Are you holding out your heart?
  • We don’t need to keep on one-in’ up another.
  • I been callin’ out your name. Tell me that you need me.
  • Everyday’s a heartache. I’m just tryin’ to keep it sane.
  • I’d rather save an angel down.
  • Has our young courage faded?
  • I was spiraling out, and she was so alive.
  • Keep it real cold 'cause it’s a fired up world.
  • When I’m feeling small, I toss that cork and call.
  • Just another way to prove I love you.
  • We both know I could learn a thing or two about relaxing.
  • Today, I won’t be so hard on me.
  • After all, it’s just another day.
The Evil Princess (Part One) - Regina Mills Imagine

A/N: This is an imagine that me and a friend came up with a while ago and it’s really long so I cut it into two parts. I really hope you enjoy it. btw, I am really bad at summaries so bear with me :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon A Time 

Summary:  You are the daughter of Regina Mills, however, she doesn’t know you exist because of Cora’s selfish ideals and misuse of magic. You find out that every time you use your magic, your body gets weaker. Cora tells you that the only way to get through it is to keep Regina dark. So you set off on a quest to find your mom, hoping she could help you find another solution.

[Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

The smell of alcohol and cigarettes rooted itself deeply into her jacket making her nose burn as she walked down the street to the apartment where she lived. She held the crystal that hung around her neck tightly to stop it from clanking against the zipper of her leather jacket as she picked up the pace. The look of determination in her eyes created an uneasiness around her and caused the other people walking near to fall back to avoid her gaze.

When she reached the apartment complex, she ran up the stairs, skipping a step every now and then, and stopped in front of the door that led to the tiny home she dreaded coming to everyday.

She fumbled for the keys in her pocket, her irregular breaths visible in the cold air. Her fingers were numb from the cold and her nose felt frozen. Her hand started trembling again making her drop the keys on the ugly, worn-out welcome mat. (Y/N) willed her hand to stop, using the little bit of magic she could muster up, but nothing happened. She suddenly felt lightheaded, but she somehow managed to grab the right key and enter the apartment before she passed out and freezed to death on the porch.

She was greeted by a foul smell coming from the kitchen where the woman she called ‘mom’ seemed to be cooking. Usually (Y/N) did all the cooking and cleaning but lately she’d been distracted by the absence of her grandmother. Her real grandmother.

(Y/N) had no idea who her real mother was, and the idea of her never crossed her mind until five years ago when she turned fifteen. An older woman named Cora showed up at her school claiming to be her grandmother. She was dressed in an almost black robe-like dress that seemed very medieval. And of course, (Y/N) didn’t believe her, her adoptive mother’s mother had died almost a decade ago. Besides, how could she? This strange lady was dressed up like she just came from a renaissance festival. But it wasn’t until she discovered her magic, however, that the idea of Cora being her grandmother didn’t seem so far-fetched.

It took a while, but eventually (Y/N) gave in and allowed Cora to explain herself. Over the next two years Cora taught (Y/N) how to control her magic and how to wield it. She taught her how to create potions and how to cast spells and curses. She even taught her how to charm objects to do certain things.

Everything was going great, until Cora decided (Y/N) was ready for the truth. Cora explained to (Y/N) why her mother never looked for her. Hell, she didn’t even know (Y/N) existed.

It was because Cora decided that her daughter would be better off without (Y/N). Cora had a plan for Regina.

Regina. That was her mother’s name. After Cora said her name, (Y/N) couldnt stop imagining what she looked like. How she would react when she discovered she had a daughter. Hopefully happy as hell.

Daniel was her father’s name. (Y/N) never had a father, and she never would. Cora explained that she had killed Daniel to make sure Regina would become queen.

“Whoa. And she was OK with that.” (Y/N) was a little afraid of Cora now, but she could see a tinge of regret in her eyes.

“Oh, no. She hated me, but I did what was right for her, she would have never been happy with that stable boy.” Cora was fuming at the thought of Daniel and Regina together.

“Well, they might’ve. I mean, you never gave them a chance to find out they were gonna have me,” (Y/N) whispered, afraid she might upset Cora.

Cora glared at (Y/N), but her face changed to a sympathetic one when she realized what good did come out of their relationship: (Y/N). She ruined (Y/N)’s life by making her grow up with an alcoholic woman who was supposed to raise her. She was so sure she had chosen the right woman, but oh, how wrong she was.

Cora could see the small scar near (Y/N)’s eye where her mother had hit her for the first time, and the one on her lip where (Y/N) was hit for asking about her biological mother. A pang of regret caused Cora to shift uncomfortably in her seat.

“How am I seventeen?” (Y/N) questioned, startling Cora out of her thoughts. “You’ve heard of magic right?” Cora mocked (Y/N).

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, “Yeah, but how? How did she not know she was pregnant? How am I here?”

“It’s quite simple really. I cast a spell to remove you from her womb.” (Y/N) cringed at the image created in her head by Cora’s words.

“I put you in an egg I created specially for you and kept you in my home.” Cora was proud of herself, but (Y/N) paled at the thought of it. “You were almost ready to be born, but I knew you would somehow find your way back to Regina, even if I gave you away. You would ruin the plans I had for her to be queen, because you were hers and that stable boy’s. She would feel like she was with him again, and I could not allow it. So I froze you in time,” Cora spat.

(Y/N) was confused now. “Froze me? And it wasn’t until seventeen years ago, you decided to un-freeze me? Why?”

Cora groaned and explained that she had went to a seer to ensure that Regina would continue her path as the Evil Queen, but instead saw her on a path of good along side the Savior. She told (Y/N) that she was probably the only one that convince her to stay on the dark side of magic.

“Uh… no.” (Y/N) was disgusted that Cora could ask such a sadistic thing of her. “I’m proud of her. I’m proud that she’ll eventually find the good in her. Go, mom!”

Cora chuckled, shaking her head at how naive her granddaughter was to the consequences of magic. “You see dear, you need her heart to be dark, of course not completely as the love she’ll have for you will keep some of it light. You were born of dark magic, and only dark magic can keep you alive now that you’ve mastered yours.” Cora’s expression hardened.

“But I feel fine. I’m fine, I don’t need dark magic,” (Y/N) squeaked. She didn’t want to be of dark magic. She wanted to do good. She knew what dark acts could do to a person and the others around them.

“You feel fine because I’m here,” Cora’s lips crept up in a small smile, “You don’t need to be dark, you only need someone to provide you with dark energy.” Cora continued explaining how if she didn’t convince Regina and (Y/N) continued trying to do good, then (Y/N)’s magic would destroy her body and eventually kill her. Cora then gave her a cloudy crystal, one that she told (Y/N) would lead her to her mother when she was ready. She never intended to use it, so she hung it around her neck, for safe-keeping, watching it as it grew clearer over time.

And now here she was, twenty years old and her body failing her. (Y/N) tried so hard not to use magic, but the temptation sometimes got the best of her.

Cora had promised her she’d return to keep her health from declining, but its been about three years, if not more, since her departure. (Y/N) knew her grandmother wanted so desperately to keep Regina queen, but she never thought she’d go this far as to risk (Y/N)’s death.

She scurried to her room and packed a backpack full of some essentials, clothes, her phone, and money. She was glad she was finally leaving this hell hole and woman who made it hell.

She grabbed the keys to her mother’s car and ran out of the apartment before her mother could react. (Y/N) quickly turned on the car, slammed on the accelerator and sped off to god knows where.

“OK, mom, your my last my hope,” (Y/N) said to no one. She sighed, a shooting pain going through her spine. She swerved out of her lane, but quickly regained control of the car, her heart ready to explode out of her chest. “Oh, please let this be worth it.”


I feel like so many things in my life fell apart earlier this year because I wasn’t the adult I thought I was. I wasn’t ready to move out. I shouldn’t have spent so much money. I should have been a better listener. I should have been a better partner to my ex. I misbehaved so badly on so many different levels — and now I’m looking back on it all and I feel ashamed. Don’t get me wrong: I’m growing, but it was too late for some things and that breaks my heart.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these last few months and I’ve realized something: I’ve been shifting a lot of the blame on so many other things in my life — the apartment, my roommates, the commute, my family — when really, I should have just taken that responsibility and dealt with my problems the right way.

I don’t know why I suddenly feel the need to say all of this, but I’ve been watching my family go at each other’s throats these last few days over certain things — some big, some not-so-big — and it’s frustrating. Rather than deal with their problems and talk things through (you know, like normal people), they get angrier, louder, and more miserable until it feels like the room’s on fire and you’re just sitting there like:

As frustrating as it is, watching my family fight constantly gives me the fuel to keep on keeping on, to keep growing. I know this is a terrible thing to say, but watching them reminds me why I don’t want to be anything like them. I don’t want to blame something or someone for my own problems. That’s why they’re my problems. I have to deal with them. And I want to deal with them, learn from them, and never make the same mistakes twice. 

I’ve accomplished so many little things these last few months (budgeting my money properly, opening myself up more to people, writing more) and it finally feels like I have a better future ahead of me. I’m feeling less stressed about so many things and it feels great. I can’t wait to look back on this year and say to myself, “You had some help, some guidance, but really — you took the responsibility and fixed your problems on your own.” 


“Mommy! Daddy! I think I put my shoes on the wrong way!” Kierra screams before we hear her small feet pad against the wooden flooring. Causing both Y/N and I to smile as our ball of joy runs into the room with smiles and giggles.

Originally posted by hoodzer

Words: 4000+

Request: Yes

Rating: R

(can we just take a moment to realize how happy my beautiful bean looks here!!!)


Tight ringlets rested on her shoulder as her fleshy plump lips curved around her translucent wine glass, her nose perched high as she swallowed the contents in her glass, her gold eye shadow sparkles beautifully in the dim lighting of the room before she places her cup down on the chestnut coloured table and stares back at me with a smirk.

“What are you looking at?” She breathlessly laughs while kneeling her head down, bringing one of her hands right to her ear and pulling her locks behind her ear before staring back up at me with her beautiful long lashes.

“I’m looking at my beautiful wife.” I state while reaching forward and taking one of my hands in hers. The soft pads of her fingertips running against each knuckle with her freshly manicured nails.

“Aw, you’re making me blush,” She giggles while shifting around in her seat before running her thumb against mine. “That’s my job for the rest of my life.” I state while looking at Y/N as her cheeks begin to glow scarlet red.

And with the words my life hanging in the air I begin thinking about our future. I’ve already married the love of my life with the cutest nose and most beautiful skin, the only thing that I’m waiting on now is children.

Many times Y/N has turned down that question, her eyes always falling down as the word ‘no’ continues to tremble from her lips before a nervous laugh falls. The thing was that it has always been like this, Y/N always saying no to children without ever giving me a reason and then whenever I asked her she’ll always shrug off the never ending questions, only leaving me somewhat heart broken.

“Along with my life and yours I think this is a perfect time to ask you when are we going to start trying for children?” I question while looking at Y/N with a beaming smile and excited eyes as I now run my fingers over her knuckles before they are pulled away from my comfort. “Cal I already told you this a billion times.” Y/N answers with annoyance, only leaving my heart to break a little.

“I know you answered it a billion times Y/N but you’ve never once told me the reason why you don’t want to have kids. Dealing with our circumstances I’m ready, I’m married to the love of my life, I have a house and I make enough money to last us a life time, so please just tell me why you won’t have kids? Is it because of me?” I ask while whispering the last part, hopping that isn’t the truth behind all of this.

“No Calum God it’s not you, it’s me.” Y/N breathes out while fluttering her eyes between the table and I. Confusion swims in my mind as my eyebrows come together to create a crease in my forehead, and my bottom lip turning into a pout before my mouth opens. “Why would you be the problem?” I question while letting a big sigh roll through my nose as I see Y/N roll her eyes before shaking her head.

“Are you not able to have children because if that is the problem then you always know that we could adopt.” I state while leaning towards her and taking my hand in hers once again but all I get is a groan of annoyance before she shakes her head and tears her hand out  of mine, leaving me feeling heart broken.

“It’s because of my skin colour okay Calum! I already get enough racist tweets from your fans, if I even have a baby with you they probably go crazy and say it’s not yours and that I’ve been running around with numerous men like the last time.” Y/N states while she peels her hands to her temples and gently rubs them before I see a lonesome tear fall onto the creamy coloured table cloth and a snuffle trail out of her nose.

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How EXO Would Make Your Heart Flutter

Honestly, I have no friggin’ clue what I was doing with this one. It’s just a mess of the cheesiest shit you can possibly imagine and it’s terrible and horrible, but I hope you at least find some amusement in it. xD Sorry, no GIFs for this one, since this isn’t really a “reaction.” It just seems to work out so much better without them. ^-^”

Baekhyun: I can see Baek as the type to find the gushiest love song that he knows, just so he could sing it to you. He’d set you gently atop his lap, pulling your back against his chest and resting his chin on your shoulder. He’d be sure to lace your fingers together as he sang quietly into your ear with his soft, angelic voice, his feelings made evident with every note.

Chanyeol: would likely nonchalantly throw compliments your way all the time and it’d probably get to the point where they’d just roll off your back, as if they were regular bits of conversation. But every once in a while, he’d get uncharacteristically serious, cupping your face in his large hands and gazing into your eyes, while his thumbs rubbed gentle circles on your cheeks. “This happy virus has got to get his energy from somewhere, y'know. You’re the biggest source of all my happiness, Jagi-ya.”

Chen: Chen’s chance to shine would likely come about after he’d tease you to the point of you snapping angrily at him. You’d have probably already been in a bad mood, and he’d throw a retort your way for literally everything you said, which would just make you break. You’d snap at him and he’d simply stare at you, wide-eyed, for a moment before his arms would shoot out and envelope you in his warm embrace before you’d have a chance to react. “C'mon, Y/N, you should know not to take that stuff seriously. You know that you’re the best thing in my life, right?”

D.O: is the type the be embarrassed whenever he tries to describe how he’s feeling. So, he’d likely take hold of your hands, entwining his fingers with your own and distracting his mind from everything but the way your soft hands felt in his. “Why am I so comfortable around you? It feels like, for once, I don’t have to worry about just being myself.”

Kai: would want to show you how much he cares for you just as much as he’d want to tell you. You’d both just be cuddling at home on a relaxed night when he’d suddenly start kissing random places on your body, mumbling against your skin and telling you all the glorious things about each specific part. “These hands always feel so good held inside my own. These hips can be so alluring, even when you’re not trying for it. And these lips are so soft and inviting, they make me look forward to every single kiss.”

Kris: Kris’ true feelings would always come out whenever he was sick and/or injured. You’d be taking care of him, ensuring he would get better as soon as possible and he’d just appreciate it so much. “You’re my own guardian angel, Y/N. I’m always going to be glad to have you watching over me.”

Lay:would honestly take every possible chance he had to show you how much he appreciates you. Every night before you fell asleep, he’d be sure to hold you close to him, allowing your head to rest gently on his chest so you could hear the steady rhythm of his beating heart. “There were honestly a lot of times before I met you that I felt really alone. But now I know, with you in my life, I don’t have a single reason to be lonely, ‘cause I know you’re always there for me, just like I am for you.”

Luhan: I feel like Luhan isn’t the type to outright spill his feelings. Especially if it’s super early in the relationship. He’d probably fall asleep during a movie with you and you’d overhear him saying a bunch of sweet things about you in his sleep, that he’d likely forget about once awake, but wouldn’t deny it if you asked him about it.

Sehun: would be way too embarrassed and shy to say such sweet things to your face, so he’d likely wait until one morning when he had woken up before you. He’d rub the sleep from his eyes before taking in your sleeping form, your peaceful face bringing a smile to his own. He’d bring his hand towards you and, with ghost-like touches, would carefully tuck the stray strands of hair behind your ears so he could have a clearer look at you. “I’ll never understand how the hell I got lucky enough to have you in my life, Y/N.”

Suho: Although I hate the image that a lot of people go for of Suho solving everything with money, I honestly think that he’d spoil his girlfriend to no end. Not just with money and materialistic stuff, but with his love and attention. “I hope you’re ready to be spoiled rotten, Y/N. You’ve already got my entire heart, but if you ever want anything more, you just have to say the word.”

Tao: would probably be a little cheese ball every chance that he got. He’d be all about making sure that you knew how much you meant to him, but he’d often be so hilariously cheesy about it, it’d be hard to take him one hundred percent seriously. “I’m gonna treat you like my very own princess, baby, 'cause you’re the ruler of my heart.”

Xiumin: isn’t the type to casually throw around his “I love you’s,” so you’d likely have been dating for quite a while before the chance to bring out his cheesiness came about. He’d just be sitting back, quietly listening to you rant about one thing or another and getting lost in each one of your facial expressions. You’d give him a confused look since he seemed to have been spacing out, and he’d surprise you with those three, lovely words as response, but he’d feel like he had to repeat them because they felt so weird on his tongue. “I love you. Ah, really, I do. You know that, right? That I love you.”


I’m sorry there are a couple of shorter ones. They fell near the end and I was just seriously running out of inspiration. ^-^”

Hello, baby. Part 9.

A smile is left on my face as he leaves the closet. I decide on red silk shorts, why does it surprise me that red silk shorts are even in my closet, and a black bra with lace trim. I pull the shorts up so they are almost at my navel. They show just the right amount of ass to drive J crazy. I smile again, this time at myself. I really do think psychopath rubs off. I redo my makeup and brush out my hair and braid it back again, I slip on some white fluffy slippers. 

I head downstairs to let Jackie in on our date tonight, she is definitely going to be excited about this. I walk into the kitchen, the guards try not to do a double take, they fail. Miserably. 

“Oh my! You are going to give that man a heart attack!” She laughs and tells me to spin! “You pull off the crazy that’s for sure!” She lets out another laugh and I join in with her. “You hungry sweetie?”

“No, thanks Jackie, I’ll just have some water or something. J and I will be having dinner at 7!” 

 “I’ll get you a glass! So what’s the outfit for?” He has one eyebrow raised. 

 “Well, I asked him out on a date!” I laugh a little bit. 

“You did? And where is he taking you like that?” She laughs again. 

“Well I actually asked that we stay here and just have dinner together.” I give her a shy smile. 

“Honey that is so great! It will be nice for both of you, Lord knows that man needs a break too!” 

“I actually have more to spill!” I sort of squeal. She looks at me eyebrows raised. “Come over here!” I pull her arm gently, I don’t want him or the guards to hear. She turns the stove down and she walks away from everyone and everything. I tell her what happened at the club and what he said about needing me and what I said which pushed him to admit it. 

Her reaction says it all! “Oh my gosh! I’m so happy for you dear. Still be careful, you know who he is, but I know this is what you want. I can tell you really care for him. He needs that sometimes.” 

I nod “I know, I try and keep my distance in a senses. I just had to fill you in!” We laugh and walk back over to the kitchen. 

It’s almost 6:30. “I’m going to go check on him. He works too much!” I smile at her and walk up the stairs, again the guards are taking second glances. I walk to the office and knock. 

“It’s me baby.” 

 “Come on in darling.” I open the door enough for my head to peek at him, I want the full outfit to be a surprise!

“It’s almost time for our date!” I smile at him. 

He gets up and he’s in a white t-shirt and boxers with a purple robe on, not surprising. I give him a wink as he walks towards me, he opens the door and he’s eyes follow me up and down multiple times. 

 “Oh my baby doll! You look absolutely perfect!” I blush and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. I turn to walk away and I only take a few steps before he pulls me close to him and has his arms around my waist. 

“Darling, I don’t know if we will make it to dinner if you are wearing those.” I rest my head back on his chest and lift my arm above my head and wrap my hand around the back of his neck 

“I didn’t think we would actually be eating food.” I have a smile on my face, I press my ass up against him and roll my hips. His growl is deep and low, his hands and squeezing my thighs. I press a little harder and he gives pressure right back I let out a small moan. He turns me around so I’m facing him. 

“I really was looking forward to our date.” He smiles and gives me a long kiss.

“Let’s just see how long we last” I smile at him and walk away. 

He lets out a frustrating grunt and follows behind adjusting his now hard member. I wink at him. I’m half way down the stairs and I run back up to him. I’m panicking. 

“J!” I’m whispering and telling him to be quiet, “It is really smokey down there. The guards are on the ground. No one is moving! I think they are dead! Did someone? How? J!” I can feel my heart beat in my neck. His look is furious but he keeps his voice calm with me. 

“Calm down baby.” He makes his way to look over the ledge of the stairs, he runs me into the bedroom and closes the doors behind us but not closing it all the way so the lock doesn’t click. He has me crouched down by the shoes in my closet. 

“Darling, they are here for me ok, not you. You are going to go in this safe room and NOT come out until I tell you! Ok! I can handle this.” His voice is full of anger. It makes me feel uneasy. 

I nod yes but ask “How do I know you’ll be ok? What if there is more of them than you think? Should I have a gun? I’m scared. Please, don’t leave me, please.” 

He gives me a kiss and I don’t want to let him go. “Daddy will be just fine. Don’t worry about me doll.” He sounded confident and gives me a smile. 

I nod again pulling him in for another kiss. He lifts up one of the shoes and types in a code the shelves open and it’s a very small safe like space. I couldn’t stand up in it, I had to sit with my knees to my chest. He hands me a gun and something that looks like a belt but holds 7 magazines, which are all full of ammo. 

“You press this to shoot, this is what you press and it will drop the magazine out of the chamber, just grab from your belt and slide a new one back in. Don’t shoot me when I come for you though.” He laughs a little and kisses me one more time. 

“Come back to me J.” A few tears start to roll down my cheek. 

 “Every time doll.” He closes the door and I hear it lock shut. 

I can hear him go down the stairs. Im holding the gun, ready to shoot. 

I can hear him, “Well, I see you have met the boys!” He lets out that manic laugh. ‘Please come back’ “How can I help you gentlemen. You look like you are searching for something!“ I can imagine him making some crazy faces. ‘Please, please come back.’ I cant really understand the other men there, I can only make out a few words, “Brother”, "Money.“ “Lake”, and “Kill.” My heart is pounding in my stomach.

Gun shots. So many of them and they are all so loud. I cover my mouth and start sobbing. ‘Come back J, please fucking come back.’ I cant catch my breath. I don’t know whats going on out there and its killing me. My heart feels like it has completely stopped, it aches more than anything in the world. My lungs are burning and I can barley see as the tears keep coming.
I hear a whole lot of yelling but I can’t make out any words. I hear people in the bedroom, I hear more gunshots, I jerk in the small space i have and cover my mouth tighter, im crying uncontrollably. My head is pounding and I want to run out of here and find J. I can hear people in the closet, they are going through things, I hold the gun towards the door, my finger on the trigger. All of a sudden nothing. I can’t hear anyone or anything. I wait. I close my eyes and try to calm my heart rate, try to bring myself back to life. It feels like hours have gone by but I know in reality its probably been 30 minutes. I hear a knock on the door to the safe place. “Kat, is that you?” its Jackie. I start crying again and she hears me, she punches in the code and lets me out, I reach for her and hug her tightly as I fall into her sobbing. 
“Where- Is -He?” I try and catch my breath. She doesn’t say anything. I lean back and look at her, “Where?” Her face is long and i know its bad news. “No, no, no, no!!” I scream, i get up and run down stairs screaming for him, “J! J! Where are you!” A few of the guards are getting up or are already up. Their facial expressions are throwing remorse at me. My voice is breaking as the tears keep coming and I keep screaming for him until I break down. Lucas comes over to me and helps me over to the couch, “He isn’t dead Kat.” He has his hand on my back trying to get me to take in some deep breaths. “They didn’t shoot him with bullets, just with electricity, like really strong stun guns. He is alive. We will find him.”

I look at him, my eyes are bloodshot and swollen, “How? How will we find him?”

“When they smoked us out it was with sleeping gas, some of the guys had already started waking up when they had him, so they heard everything they said. If we would of gotten up and attacked then and there he probably would of been killed.” He gives me a faint smile.

“Where do we need to go?” I sniffle, trying to seem stronger than I am right now.

“The guys and I are leaving soon, we know exactly where they are headed.”

“Im coming. Don’t try and stop me.” I walk away and head to the bathroom, i clean my face, put the belt of magazines around my waist, grab a knife he had lying on his night stand and wrap it around my thigh, i kick off the slippers and put on my boots. I feel a burning in my chest like i am about to combust into flames.
I head downstairs and all the guys are loading in the cars. I get in the one with Lucas, he smiles at me. The drive was long and uneasy. I felt like every few seconds I was going to have a nervous breakdown, I had to keep my composure, I had to keep telling myself J was alive.
We pull up to a lake and only one car of men get out. They are searching, someone finally comes and waves us down 30 minutes later. I’m impatient and emotional. I run to where they were, there is a small beat up house about a mile away from where we were. It looked like at one point in time it was a gorgeous lake home, but now, not so much. The roof is rotting and I can’t even tell what color the house should be, there were plants of all sorts covering the house, I could smell the rotting wood from where we were.
The guys have formed like a protective area around me. They know J will be mad if something happens to me as well, he is going to be mad that i’m here anyways. ‘Please be ok baby.’ I repeat in my head. Im beyond nervous, sure I’ve shot a gun and I’ve killed someone but, J was by my side. He gives me that power, without him I’m just powerless me. I can feel my eyes well up again, 

Lucas breaks me out of it. “Kat, you ok? You sure you want to do this? We can have you wait in the car or back at home?” 

I sniffle and look down, “I want to do this. I just don’t know how.” 

He brings everything to a stop, they guys are crowded around us and everyone has guns drawn away from us. “Kat, that’s your man in there right ” 


“Ok aren’t you pissed they took him?” 

“Well, yes I’m just all …” 

He cuts me off, “No, every emotion right now needs to turn into anger. You have to let it take over all other emotions right now. They will kill you if you don’t. I need you to spark with rage is that clear?” He is being stern with me and then he says it “We don’t even know if he is still alive in there! So let’s go!” 

I want to slap him across the face, how could he even say that! We start moving again and I can feel the anger set in. He’s right. They took him from me, my baby, my king, they just snatched him up before we even got to enjoy our date. They can’t do that! We were going out on our first date, damn it! My blood is hot, my body feels like it’s not mine anymore. I can feel the emotions turn inside me. We are close to the house and one of the guys pulls out a scope, 3 gunshots and 3 thumps “MOVE!” One of the guys yell and they make their way to the front door, Lucas guides me in what to do, “See a bad guy, shoot the fucking bad guy.” Got it, I say in my mind. They flood the inside of the house and I try to make my way through the house searching for J. Nothing. They guys doesn’t seem as confused. “Here!” One says over in the master bedroom, it’s a closet door that leads to stairs. Im in the middle of all these guys as we make our way down the stairs, guns drawn. Some walking regular and some guys walking backwards. It’s not just a downstairs, it’s almost like an underwater prison. It smells horrible in here and there is no where to escape it, the metal is cool to the touch and I run my hand along it as we walk, almost reminds me of J when I touch it. The anger sets in all over again.
Guns blazing breaks me from my trance, the guys in front just let bullets fly on some other men walking towards us, I didn’t even hear any words exchanged. I feel safe but I want to feel part of the action. There is one metal door down here, one of the guys takes out a can and freezes the lock and it explodes with ice and the door caves in, he pushes it and guns are drawn from both parties. I push my way through with my gun raised, I can see some of the guys across from us laugh. “What’s this your guard dog?” They start laughing I put my gun in one of the slits that’s originally for a magazine. ‘Sex sells.’ 
I raise my hands and start walking towards then, the men on the other side stiffen up and point their guns at me, I can hear Js men do he same pointing them at the other men. “Don’t worry boys, I don’t bite. Hard.” I snap at them and wink at them.
He lowers his gun and laughs again. “What brings you down here sweets?” He reaches for my gun and takes it, I let him. I can feel the crazy and anger set in, making itself at home in my own body.
 "Well ya see, you sort of took something that belongs to me” I run my hand on his chest and I can see his shiver under my touch. “You ruined our date night.” I turn my back towards him and grind my ass on him, he has his hand around my waist pulling me close. He smells horrible, like lake water and sweat, it takes everything in me to not vomit. He isn’t very tall and he isn’t very built, he has black hair that lays flat to his head, he is repulsive. “Are you the boss baby?” I ask him, I reach behind me and grab his already hard dick, he grunts and pulls me closer. “I’m close to it.” He breaths heavy in my ear. “Well then.” I flip around facing him and drop down and come back up quickly, I take my gun from his hand and shoot him in his crotch and then in the hand that is holding his own gun, all in one motion. 

Originally posted by codeinelord

A gun fight breaks out, Js men weren’t as focused on me since they have been around me but all the other me weren’t even paying attention, they had their eyes locked on me till the first shot rang out. I run past the second door and it’s more stairs down, ‘how did someone even build this place.’ I get to the bottom and it’s a regular door and I open it, I push it open fast and stand back. I few shots are let out but then stop. Nothing hits me. My heart is racing. I walk in, only 2 guys and their mouths drop. “Hello.” I smile at them, I make my way over to them and they have their guns pointed straight at me, “Don’t you wanna play?” I lower their guns with my finger and I get down on my knees “This is fun, right?” They are in a trance. ‘Some men are so weak.’ I grab the gun from the man on the left, it’s an ak-47, I use the long end of it to hit the guy on the right in the face and then shoot him in the jaw, I go up to the other guy and shoot him in the face as well. I keep their gun and throw it over my shoulder.
I can hear J. My heart is pounding and I have to hold back the tears. I start running towards his laugh. The metal Hallway opens to a grand room, there he is, strapped to a chair, he face is beat and so is his body, he’s bloody and bruised. My heart breaks. The guards follow behind me quickly.
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Lucas comes over and whispers to me. I really don’t remember what I was doing, I just knew I needed to get here. There are 6 guys, 2 on one side of J and 3 on the other and what seemed to be the boss was standing right behind J with a gun against his head. There are about 12 of us. J sort of lifts his head and looks mad to see me here but I ignore it.
I put my gun down and walk upfront, “Could I just, just say goodbye?” I take off my belt that J had given me and set it on the ground as well. The guy standing behind J uses his gun to tell one of the guards to come over to me. He brings me in front of J and the guys just says “Search.” I can hear J growl from where I am. It’s ignored. The guy behind J points his gun at me I hold my hands out and stand in a V, “Of course” I smile and wink at the man. The guy searching me does it slowly, he slides his hands down my arms, over my neck, down the front of my chest not even trying to hide feeling me up, down each leg. He turns me around so my back is facing J, he does my arms and legs again, goes down my back and reaches his hands up my silk shorts and feels the skin of my ass. I bite my lip holding back tears.
I turn back around “Well that was fun, may I?” I ask the man that just felt me up, he nods to the man pointing the gun at me. “1 minute.”
There are 3 guns pointed at us. The rest at the guards. I straddle J and whisper in his ear.
“You didn’t come back.” I pull his face to mine and kiss him. I forget everything, where we are, what’s going on around, why we are in this situation, everything feels fine. I taste the blood from his mouth and a few tears roll down my cheek, “Im so sorry baby” I whisper to him.
I’m brought back to reality, the guy that just felt me up drags me off him by my hair, I let out a small scream and my blood is boiling. I stand up and head butt him and kick him in the crotch. I rub my head, ‘How do people do that in movies! Bad idea’ my head is pounding. J gives me what he can of a smile. Lucas comes forward “What are you doing Daniel? Why would you try and steal the Joker? You couldn’t possibly think this would end in your favor.”
Daniel, the guy behind J speaks up “Ahh, I knew it wouldn’t l, I just had to let him know how it feels to lose something!” He points his gun at me and shoots, it hits me in the shoulder. I fall back, I’m not crying but I don’t know if I’m feeling anything just yet. I hear J scream, it’s low, raspy scream and he lets out his very own laugh after, it sounds painful.
The guards shoot down every guy in there, and untie J. 

He’s standing over me “Stay awake darling. Just look at me and stay awake. I’ll fix this and we can go on our date, remember our date! Think of that. Don’t close your eyes.” He picks me up and groans as he has his own wounds, I can start to feel the pain set in. I try not to close my eyes but it’s so much easier, “No Kat, you have to stay awake. Please Kat.” His voice trails off. Im not completely there but I can’t keep from screaming at the pain now. He pulls me onto his lap in the car and pulls me close. “It’s ok baby, I got you. I got you now baby girl.” My arm feels like it’s on fire, that’s it, just like it’s burning and I’m just sitting here letting it.
We pull up to his house and there are doctors and medics outside, he doesn’t even bring me into the house, they lay out a towel and start working right away. Nothing to numb the pain, nothing to ease it.
“Kat, they have to do an immediate surgery. It will be quick. They have to get the bullet out and make sure it didn’t hit bone or nerves.” It’s Lucas. 
I close my eyes and let out the screams as they come. It helps cope with the pain for now. I feel them cut the wound open more, dig out the fragments they can, they are going so slow it feels like. I feel them take the needle and puncture my skin as they sew it shut.
J brings me out a glass of whiskey, I drink the whole thing. It doesn’t help as much as I was hoping. They clean up the wound.
“She’s lucky. She will be fine though.” The doctor finally speaks.
J carries me into the house and sets me carefully on the couch. He wipes my sweaty hair out of my face. My breathing is shallow, tears and mascara are stained on my face, I look up to him and his expression is blank.

“Can I sleep now?” My voice is rough from all the screaming. 

“Yes baby.” His voice is numb and so is he.

I open my eyes are immidiatly the tears are rolling down my cheek, the pain in my shoulder is far worse than I could of ever imagined. I cant move it, turning my necks causes me clench my jaw, i want to scream but I dont know where anyone is. I lets out a loud gasp, and try to lift myself up.

“Honey, no, no, no. Let me help you.” Jackie is right at my side. I let her help me sit up. I cringe with all the small movements.

“Where is J? Is he ok?” My eyes shut tight as I adjust myself with the pain of just sitting there.

“He is ok dear.” She’s short. “Do you remember everything? Do you have any questions?” She hands me a glass of water and a pill, “It’s a pain pill sweetheart.”

I take the water and pill, “Yeah I do remember everything.” I swallow the pill and drink all the water. “Where is J? Why isn’t he here?”

She pats my leg and gives me a shrug of I don’t know.

“He’s alive right?” I panic a little bit and my shoulder aches. I let out a labored breath and sit back into the couch.

“Yes, absolutely he is alive. Don’t worry about him right now. Let’s get you comfortable and fed!” She hands me some toast, jelly and a side of pancakes and eggs.

It smells so good, my mouth waters. She brings the food to me on a small table and hands me a fork. I realize I’ve been shot in my dominant arm. ‘Fucking great.’ I start using my left hand and it’s frustrating but I’m starving. It takes me longer than normal to eat but I finish it. Still no sign of J.

Lucas walks in the front door and he looks exhausted, “Hey Kat! How are you feeling.”

I give him a smile, “Never been better.” A laugh a little and it hurts so bad I bite my lip and have to catch my breath. “Have you seen J?” I ask him.

“Take it easy Kat. And yeah he should be here any minute.” He sighs and walks to the guards living side.

Finally, finally I see him. His green hair, his white skin, he is still bruised so bad and his eyes seem darker. “J!” I want to scream out but I barley manage normal volume.

He walks over to me, not saying a word. He grabs the empty plates and barley makes eye contact and goes into the kitchen. I can hear him throw the plates in the sink so hard they break. I jump at the sound and have to catch my breath again. My heart sinks. ‘What is going on with him.’

Jackie comes over to me, she must know something. “It’s ok honey. He is just upset. It will pass.”

“Why is he upset? What happened?” My head is leaning back on the couch with my eyes closed.

“Because, well because of this situation. You could of died and I think he realized that. It, sort of scared him.” She looks down and grabs my hand, “Please don’t worry about it, you need to focus on your health and getting this shoulder better. You’ll be starting therapy in 2 weeks.”

I sigh. “Ok, thank you Jackie. Can you, if it’s possible, send him my way?”

“Absolutely dear.” She walks away.

“J, come here please.’ He tries to walk right by me and go upstairs. He sits next to me and looks straight ahead. “What is going on J? Please, talk to me.” I want to reach out and touch him. Let him know I’m right here.

“Nothing.” His voice sounds broken.

“Nothing is on your mind at all?” I press him a little more.

“I don’t want to be near you right now Kat.” He gets up and walks away.

I can feel the anger swell inside me, I feel my heart shatter in my chest, my vision is blurry from the tears forming, “Fuck you.” I let out in a low voice, he doesn’t even turn around.

Originally posted by un-giardino-di-illusioni