my mind is crumbling

The Cornerwitch (Trixya) Chapter 2 - Aria

AN: Hello there once again, lovely people! Sorry for the extremely long wait, my inspiration was low, it was holiday season… All together just rather busy. Once again the inspiration comes partly from the comic drawn by @charminglyantiquated (The Cornerwitch)

TW: Abuse, slurs, slutshaming, physical abuse, loneliness, hints of sexual abuse (one line), I hope that’s all, sorry if I forgot one <3

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See the thing is, I HAVE to be positive, I can’t let the negative thoughts get to me. I can’t let the negative actions win. With what I am wanting to do with my life, I need to be okay. I need to put on my happy face and say that everything is fine. But how can I do that when my mind is crumbling every single damn day? 

Some of my favorite lines from Ginga Nagareboshi Gin + its sequels

JOHN
“Hougen… you’re mistaken if you think everyone dies crying and moaning! My body may crumble and rot, but my mind will live on - a mind that has become home for the spirit of justice. This spirit will dwell within my comrades after I’m gone. …An insignificant cur like you will never be able to destroy it!”
- last words to Hougen (Ginga Densetsu Weed)

JOHN
“Sorry, friends… I’ve always hated waiting… can’t help it… I’ll go on ahead to Hell to chase Akakabuto once more…”
- last words before passing away (Ginga Densetsu Weed)

—–

AKAME
“To know your own weakness is more important than the techniques you use. Those who lose sense of their own condition during battle will fall prey to the enemy.”
- after killing Shuuga (Ginga Nagareboshi Gin)

—–

AKATORA
“Don’t feel sorry, Ben… I don’t regret saving you, even if it cost me my life. Do not grieve. …I won’t forget you even in the afterlife… thank you, Ben… you once told me that you could finally sleep in peace… now it’s my turn…”
- last thoughts before passing away (Kai no san kyodai)

—–

BEN
“I have seen Hell several times! Trust me: you don’t want to go there!”
- while attacking Shuuga’s underlings (Ginga Nagareboshi Gin)

BEN
“Gin… a warrior never shows weakness in front of an enemy! Even at the brink of death, a warrior should not waver. Strength of will may determine who survives!”
- to Gin (Ginga Nagareboshi Gin)

—–

GIN
“Alone, each of us is like a wooden spear. However, bunched together we become a weapon that no force can break!”
- after taking charge of the Ou army during the Great Fight (Ginga Nagareboshi Gin)

—–

HYENA
“The river of death calls, Sniper! I’ll be your ferryman!”
- last words, flashback (Ginga Densetsu Weed)

—–

KOTETSU
“Don’t you understand that the commander-in-chief’s friends are in danger?! Is your own happiness all that matters to you?! Don’t you care that your friends are going to die?! I came all the way here just to ask you this.”
- to Weed after Weed refuses to go fight the Russian wardogs (Ginga Densetsu Weed)

—–

KUROTORA
“I would much rather die fighting than on the run! If I fled from an enemy, what would I tell Akatora once we meet in Hell?!”
- while attacking the army of Gaia, the emperor of wolves (Ginga Nagareboshi Gin)

KUROTORA
“Remember this, we elderly will never hesitate to die for our dear children. So once it’s time, give us the order. Then, in honor of our children, we shall grow young for one last time.”
- to Kagetora, Ken and George (Ginga Densetsu Weed)

KUROTORA
“A tree that grew crooked can’t be straightened. You can only chop it down.”
- about the twisted personalities of Yusuke and Yuji (Ginga Densetsu Weed)

—–

KYOSHIRO
“I am only a year old, but I have seen ten years worth of life during this one year!”
- while describing his experiences (Ginga Densetsu Weed)

KYOSHIRO
“I wouldn’t trust anyone who has grown without shedding tears!”
- to Weed (Ginga Densetsu Weed)

KYOSHIRO
“I grew up without knowing anything except misery… I couldn’t deal with others without getting angry. I only learned to love and laugh after joining the army of Ou. I decided long ago that once my maker came for me, I would die laughing, no matter the pain!”
- after Kamakiri’s underlings nearly killed him (Ginga Densetsu Weed)

—–

REIMA
“What is courage… what is justice… living is more than just being alive! Dare to always be on the side of justice! Find meaning for your life that won’t pale next to even Gin himself!”
- last words, aimed at Hyouma and Retsuga (Ginga Nagareboshi Gin)

—–

SMITH
“I did what I had to… I didn’t betray my own deliberately. …Gin… I, Smith, never ceased being your comrade-in-arms.”
- last words (Ginga Densetsu Weed)

let me sell my soul to the
devil, this blossoming black beat
of vitality; take it,
lucifer, take it all;
take the crumbling ruins of my cobwebbed
mind; take my gnarled fingers
stained with acrid ink; take my deadbeat thighs, between which you

find no flowers. nothing blooms in this
youthful paradise. (heaven, after all, is only a realm
of the dead.)
pomegranates split between
pockmarked teeth and spill over lips cracked
from misuse. spit and chew.

please, lucifer, accept my gift | a.c.

They made me into a beast,
a creature with no memories,
a ghost,
and I have been lonely for centuries
but that golden boy
with a halo that only a few see, 
well he has always been the beauty 
and his memory
could not be taken from me.

And then I saw him
when the city was bleeding
and my mind was crumbling 
like the buildings around me,
and he would not hurt me,
he knew me,
remembered me like the friend 
I was to him as if there was no time lapse,
as if I did not have a horrific history.


So now
that I can say my own name
without adding a question mark at the end,
people come up to me,
look at the scruff on my face
and my long, unkempt hair skeptically
and they ask me
if I think that his love can save me.


And I tell them quite simply,
that it already has.

—  he tells me I am the beauty and that there is no beast in our love story || O.L.

I’m staying awake instead of giving my tired mind the rest it needs and forcing my dreams of being a glittery ballerina/fairy/royalty onto this man. That’s what the hell I’m doing. 

I better dream of this though cause I can’t stop laughing at this. You should too. I will be sorry about this… eventually.

Who I'll Be
  • Who I'll Be
  • Dajo
  • Auntie Histamine
Play

hey i just wrote this song and recorded it on my phone to pass the time i hope you like it

I’m making myself a pair of wings
Tired of living on the ground, I wanna see what the sky can bring
To my life, maybe change or freedom or perspective
Or at least some sights to reminisce in future retrospective

I don’t know what I’ll see when I get there
I don’t know who I’ll be when I get there

But I’ll be me
And I’ll be free
And I’ll forget
What the world says I’m supposed to be

Me
I’ll be free
And I’ll forget
What the world says I was born to be

The people on the ground say don’t do this
They’ve made it very clear they think I’m blinded by my hubris
That I’m Icarus, my wings will be melted by the light
But my mind’s made up, I’m taking flight

Will they shoot me down before I get there
I don’t know if they’ll ever let me get there

But I’ll be me
And I’ll be free
And I’ll forget
What the world says I’m supposed to be

Me
I’ll be free
And I’ll forget
What the world says I was born to be

You can’t stop me now
I am on my way
I am flying

The words and stones
You throw can’t drag me down
I’ll keep trying

You pierce the wings
Of those who stand beside me
But I keep going

It will be safe to land
One day I know
The world is growing

Rain and thunderstorms
As I approach
Destiny

Here I fly, with no more
Apology
I’ll finally be

Me
I’ll be free
And I’ll forget
What the world says I’m supposed to be

Me
I’ll be free
And I’ll forget
What the world says I was born to be

I’m making myself a pair of wings
Tired of living on the ground, I wanna see what the sky can bring
To my life, can it bring change or freedom or perspective
Or at least some sights to reminisce in future retrospective

I don’t know what I’ll see when I get there
I don’t know who I’ll be when I get there

But I’ll be me

You’re a fucking mess and I love you. You mess my whole world and turn it upside down. You make me twirl, my stomach curl and my mind crumble every time I see your eyes. Those brown eyes you can barely see every time you wear that sneaky smile I borrowed. But I love it. I’m in love with your vision of life; how you don’t romanticize anything at all and never conceive things as perfect, but admire them in spite they’re not. And it’s so fucking attractive how nothing about you reminds me about anyone else. You’re my morning cold coffee. You’re my summer cold breeze. My passed speed limit on the wet streets. You’re a nonstop roller coaster. And it’s a twisted logic how I order my book shelf in a billion of different ways to have them straight but I let you into my heart and you come as you are with your madness to get through my routines and make me feel alive. I feel alive by your side, my friend. And I want it bad, I want it bunkers. I want it wrong. And I don’t want you to reach all the stars for me in a stair because I know if I’d ask, you’d jump to bring the whole universe around my neck. But still, I crave your slow intense touch, your lips grazing mine, your body against me. I want crazy fights at 2 am to end up kissing the hell out of you. I want you to tell me I’m wrong and convince me otherwise. I want to fall, actually fall in love with you; with all the different emotions you experience as you fall from a cliff, knowing the moment you touch the ground you’ll break, expanding into a million of little lost pieces. But when you’re in the air you feel as if the world was yours, as if you were everything-proof, and it’s sick, because you’d lose your mind for a second before you stumble upon the truth. And I’m insane because this heartbreak would hurt more than any other. But I love us, I crave us, I want us to happen. You’re a fucking mess, and I fucking crave it.
—  A bunch of desires from my pocket.
8

Day 30

I have been training a lot, becoming exhausted over all the mind effort I have to put into both training and life itself… All of these moments and thoughts make my mind crumble and my body collapse. What is happening to me? Why can’t I feel strong again? Why can’t I even talk? My body, my own body giving up on me, I knew I wasn't enough. I knew this would eventually backfire, on the worst way possible. Opening my eyes slightly at time to time I could see him crying.

Woody: Please, don’t leave me.

Acting like he was the one who raised me, but in some way, he grew up with me, made me stronger and this situation is hard for both…