my love for you is unhealthy

unknownanonymus  asked:

Hello!~ I really don't want to bother you, I thoroughly enjoy your blog and I have a question that literally burns my soul. I'm an INFJ and I've always had a big struggle with the "let's love them with all I have and when it's over shut them out completely" concept. No matter how seriously hardcore I loved someone, when they left me and they no longer needed me or my help in any way, they would come back but I could not let them in again. I wanted all my secrets back. How do I deal with that?..

Oh, the INFJ door slam. 

I’ve also seen this behaviour in my INFJ friend (although I think this is applicable to NFs in general) and I can say it might be unhealthy if it controls you more than you control it. INFJs are profoundly emotional individuals and they care for people and relationships very deeply. So it might surprise people to see this kind of severe measure in such a caring type.

I think it really depends on the reasons why each individual in particular stopped being a part of your life.

Was it because they were constantly behaving toxically towards you? I’ve seen that NFs sometimes tend to bear actions from other people that hurt them or upset them until they cannot suppress it anymore and then the door slam happens. In this cases, I think it is a problem of assuming way too much. They don’t talk to these persons either because they don’t want to come across as rude/dramatic or because they are positive that it won’t change anything. But that’s a mistake in my opinion. We Ni-doms are particularly prone to just assuming things when our conclusions can be in fact wrong. An early conversation could prevent the whole continuous toxicity and even the door slam itself. 

Was it because it felt like they “kicked you out” of their lives first? Relationships are not inamovible; they change, evolve, sometimes they perish and revive. 
And that’s okay. Maybe they didn’t mean to hurt you at all, some people are not good at keeping in touch when they move out, or something in their lives changes; but that does not inherently imply that they don’t want you, they might just have a different concept of keeping relationships, maybe they have a lot to deal with, or maybe they are just plain useless at being communicative. 

Whatever the case, keep in mind that your decisions are not permanent. If you stopped talking to someone you used to care for at some point, that does not necessarily mean they can’t be a part of your life ever again. If you came to the conclusion that they were toxic, that’s okay and maybe you shouldn’t feel guilty for not letting them back, no matter how friendly they seem.
 
However, don’t obsess over absolute concepts, you don’t have to decide only between “loving them with all you have” or “shut them out completely”. Try to look for a healthy equilibrium and remember that each day you choose, you don’t have to be overly rigid, especially if some of your decisions have been based on assumptions. 

I’m not sure if this was helpful but I really wish you all the best. Don’t hesitate to message us if you need anything else. And I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog :)

– INTJ

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Hey there 👋
Looking for some friends I can rely on and talk too
And hopefully maybe meet at some point in the future #internetbestie 😜
Into girls but a guy friend would be cool too
Some stuff about me:
Just came back from 10 days in Europe
I love love love love gymnastics 🤸‍♂️ it’s literally my life
I’m from the US
I’m a little bit of a need sometimes
I talk a lot once I warm up to you
I’ll be 18 in a couple months
Art for fun
Exploring 👌🏼
Having fun memories
And I could videochat for HOURS at a time (it’s bit Unhealthy)
Tumblr-perfectlyimperfect8
Hmu if ur interested in talking more

anonymous asked:

qotd ive been body shamed by classmates and my family a lot because ive been overweight since the end of elementary school. my extended family and mom would be "doing it because they love me" but it made me feel really crappy about myself and brought down my self esteem a lot. but ive realized i don't hate my body as much as i used to 5ish years ago (but i fully realize i need to adapt a healthier lifestyle). so yeah that's it, people gotta learn to be nice to other people

Nobody deserves to be body shamed even if you aren’t the healthiest you can be! Everyone does unhealthy things sometimes. But I’m glad you’re motivated to become healthier ☺️ good luck and don’t focus too much on the scale, set fitness goals and create a new diet for yourself that is doable. Thanks for sharing 💕

“My boyfriend isn’t allowed to talk to other girls,” is just as unhealthy as “My girlfriend isn’t allowed to talk to other guys.”

“You can’t hang out with [boyfriend’s female friend] anymore,” is just as abusive as “You can’t hang out with [girlfriend’s male friend] anymore.”

“My man isn’t allowed to go out with his guys unless I’m with him,” is just as creepy and possessive as “My girl isn’t allowed to go out with her friends unless I’m with her.”

A woman who controls and manipulates her boyfriend is just as abusive as a man who controls and manipulates his girlfriend, pass it on.

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Went and saw the Lego Batman movie tonight and it was so good. It was so good you guys it was so GOOD

Every OJST Comic
  • Erika Moen, buried neck deep in the ground: Hey, guys. Today we have a special guest comic from the guy who lives in the sewage pipe behind my house. Hopefully this one doesn't get too FILTHY for you.
  • Some Guy: Gee, it sure is boring around here.
  • Dirt Monger: *poofs out of nowhere*
  • Some Guy: Who are you!!!????
  • Dirt Monger: I'm the dirt monger and I love eating dirt for sexual pleasure.
  • Some Guy: You mean shoveling tons of dirt into your mouth!!!!!?????????????????
  • Dirt Monger: Yes, it's a completely valid normal way of exploring your kinky identity.
  • Some Guy: But, isn't eating dirt SUPER UNHEALTHY.
  • Dirt Monger: Not at all if you follow SAFE DIRT PROTOCOLS. Always make sure to wear dental dam while consuming dirt sexually and to never actually swallow dirt because you don't want that shit in your stomach. Set up code phrases with your partner like "More Dirt" and "Not Enough Dirt" if you don't think you're getting your fair share of dirt shoveled directly into your stupid fucking face.
  • Some Guy: Wow, I'm so turned on right now.
  • Dirt Monger: That's the spirit. Consuming dirt like a human backhoe is a great way to bond with your partner and discover more about yourself as well.
  • Some Guy: I can't wait to eat dirt like the disgusting troglodyte that I am. Actually, can we mud too?
  • Dirt Monger: No, you dumbass! Dirt and mud are completely unrelated things! I'm the dirt monger, not the mud monger! Do you think I'm stupid?
  • Some Guy: Jeez, sorry I asked.
  • Dirt Monger: Hahaha! One more thing, eating dirt has a direct connection to several radical far-right subcultures. Googling dirt eating may take you down a dark path. I just want everyone to know that they do not represent the whole of the dirt eating community. You can practice the sexual consumption of dirt without turning into a nazi. We completely and entirely disavow fascist dirt eaters. THANKS FOR READING.

no more apology texts. no more reckless highway speeding. no more scribbled poetry in the back of spanish class. there is nothing left to lose. there is nothing left for you.

you haven’t seen me since i dyed my hair and it’s nice to have something you didn’t get to ruin. i’m dressing different too and lipsticking my way out of the girl you tore apart. i can finally breathe easy. i can finally be grateful that i never really meant it when i kissed you.

look, it’s me without you. look, i’m doing just fine. look, goddamn it, i’m lighter than i’ve been in months. there are seven billion people on the planet. i don’t think you matter so much anymore.

—  I MET SOMEONE WITH YOUR NAME AND DIDNT FLINCH // s. osborn

sworn to the sword rewrite:

  • pearl is hesitant to train connie at first, because she is so young. connie insists
  • pearl turns out to be a kind, patient teacher who who starts it slow, and even goes overkill on the safety precautions. connie is annoyed and insists that she can handle serious training and lies that pearl is overestimating how fragile humans are. pearl believes this, since she doesnt know so much about how full humans work
  • steven quickly finds out that connie is pushing herself way too hard and hiding her physical pain from pearl. she tells steven to keep it secret or else the gems will look down on her. she blames herself for being “just a human” with none of the cool abilities steven has. steven understands bc he also often felt looked down upon for being weaker than the gems
  • the song is from connie’s point of view. pearl sings the training instructions; connie sings to herself about not being good enough. she’s the one that calls herself “just a human”, not pearl
  • steven doesnt know what to do. he goes to garn and ame for help. they freak out and tell him that pearl would want to know, that she’d be the most concerned of all of them because she personally knows what it’s like to push herself too hard
  • garnet describes how dangerously self sacrificing she was during the war and how long it took for pearl’s self-worth to recover. the backstory is shown not to say ‘oh wow poor pearl!!!’, or to say that poor mental health makes you hurt others. it’s shown to say that pearl knows what it’s like and wants connie to be safe.
  • steven rushes to tell pearl. she FREAKS and pulls connie aside to tell her how harmful that mindset is. that no one should see themselves solely as an asset to another. that she would never want connie to suffer how she did. and that pearl vowed to protect humans, not hurt them. 
  • there are still parallels between pearl/rose and steven/connie, but healthy ones. pearl says “rose never wanted me to do that to myself, and steven would never want that for you either.” not “oh hi im the Crazy Lesbian Stereotype and im harming you kids by being gay!! im gonna push my unhealthy lifestyle on you bc thats what we lesbians do!!”
  • pearls crush is still heavily alluded to, with pearl blushing while talking about rose and other lighthearted cute stuff. not “wow being gay made me hate myself! :)”
  • pearl gives a very explicit heavy moral about how those who love you also want you to love yourself. she then tells connie that she’ll only train her if connie is responsible and honest about her limits
  • there is no implication that pearl only is overprotective of steven bc he has rose’s gem, or that she sees him as her at all. it’s revealed through pearl’s delicacy with connie that she was overprotective of steven bc he’s half-human
  • maybe steven speaks up about feeling weaker than the gems. pearl says that he shouldn’t have to be physically strong, that she’s there to protect him. this resolves stevens earlier worries that she’s disappointed in how human he is, as shown in the healing tears ep.
  • the episode focuses on connie and her pain, not pearl
  • on that note..connie’s low self esteem wouldve been better established as being from bullying or w/e, not her strict parents, bc that plays into the tiger mom stereotype

If you think my love fades that quickly then you never knew me at all. I don’t give up on people but I know when to step back when the environment is unhealthy and give people time to work on themselves, while I do the same. I cannot ever count on us reconnecting, who knows, what’s meant to be won’t pass you. Trust life and go with it.

shows on netflix u should definitely be watching
  • Crazy-Ex Girlfriend - ITS A COMEDY MUSICAL, GUYS, CREATED BY RACHEL BLOOM (who won a golden globe?? YES HER). get to the 3rd episode at least. there’s an OPENLY BISEXUAL CHARACTER (later on in the season) and its such a good representation of love & what it actually is and growing up and letting go?? such a good show
  • BoJack Horseman - just a really, really good & cleverly written show about an anthropomorphic horse. 7000% animal puns. 5000% describes exactly how u feel about life and sadness.
  • Jane the Virgin - CUTE!! mock telenovela that deals with lots of social issues, like immigration, etc (the last episode i watched had the narrator checking every scene for the bechdel test omg) ALSO, arrested development level narration, fam, get on this. gina rodriguez will slay ur ass
  • Bob’s Burgers - such a good lil family show about a burger joint. watch this when you need to laugh or just to lift ur spirits. also, we are all either gene, louise, or tina. don’t lie
  • Lovesick (prev. Scrotal Recall) - adorable show prev. suffering from a truly tragic name. cute & british, about a man who finds out he has chlamydia and has to tell all of his previous sexual partners. you’ll fall in love with these characters by the end of s1, they’re all so dear to me
  • Master of None - aziz ansari’s show. each episode is basically a lil movie. the love story is ridiculously cute and it talks on some subjects rlly well
  • Jessica Jones - !!!!!!! if you haven’t seen this, GET ON IT. esp. if you’re a girl, cause this is SUCH A RELATABLE SHOW FOR WOMEN. grizzled neo-noir female detective? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. also, watch daredevil if u wanna be caught up for Marvel’s Defenders, which is gonna be sofuckinggood
  • Sense8 - HOW HAS NOBODY SEEN THIS ONE? god, it’s so good. it’s got some problems but overall it does well @ showing other cultures and also some kickass sequences and wow main the characters interacting is just A1
  • It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia/The League - this is. so funny. get past the 1st season and its such a good garbage show. the characters are such assholes, dude. they’re horrible. super dark humor, only watch if ur into that/ funny show abt a fantasy football league. both garbage shows and i love them w all my heart
  • Arrested Development - just in case u haven’t seen the best show ever written. basis of basically every comedy show u love. watch.
  • The Office - how have u not binged the office?? binge the office.
  • Comedy Specials - comedy specials are an UNTAPPED GOLDMINE on netflix. some of my fave comedians are John Mulaney, Bo Burnham, Ali Wong, Chelsea Peretti, Donald Glover, Jim Gaffigan, and Aziz Ansari.

BONUS - non-netflix shows u should also be watching

  • You’re The Worst - messed up characters and darkkk dry humor, but the second season does such an EXCELLENT job at portraying depression!! also, a dysfunctional relationship that is not necessarily unhealthy (sometimes, tho, sometimes)
  • Community - ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS. Gets emotional so quickly. S1-3 are some of the best moments on television. skip S4. S5-6 are good but S1-3 are amazing. characters will become all of ur faves
  • Westworld - my expectations for this show were sky-high and it has oNLY PROVED THEM RIGHT! half sci-fi, half western fantasy VR, all badass. i have no idea what’s going on and i love it. literally Robots With Anxiety #relatable

pls add to this if you have any great shows, and i’ll update this list whenever i find something else wonderful that i don’t hear people talking about

I can not stress it enough:

IT IS NOT A DIET, IT IS A LIFESTYLE CHANGE!!! I absolutely hate when people are like “oh yeah you can’t have that because you’re on a diet”. No. I can have whatever I want, I don’t want that unhealthy food because I’m changing my life by loving my body and fuelling it with what it needs. Okay? Okay.

If I knew any better, I would delete and block you. If I knew any better, I would repeat your name over and over again until it lost all its meaning. If I knew better, my self love wouldn’t be contingent on your feelings towards me. If I knew any better, I wouldn’t compare myself to her; I wouldn’t obsess over the fact that she’s prettier, takes up less space, and softer spoken. If I knew any better, I wouldn’t compare you to the moon, and the stars, and everything beautiful in the world; instead I would compare myself to the moon, and the stars, and everything that is beautiful in the world, because, if I knew any better, I would realize that I am my own sun, moon, and stars; I am my own light. But I don’t know any better–I still love you, I still need you, and the world seems a whole lot darker without your love.
—  ‘if i knew any better’ (10/52) by (DS)

i spent so much time in body positivity trying to convince thin women body positivity isn’t ‘skinny shaming’ and that all bodies, thin and fat, healthy and unhealthy can participate in body positivity. i spent so much time explaining that body positivity means there is no wrong body, and that people can live without the shame and toxicity diet culture has brought into our lives.

now i spend all my time defending the fact that my fat, disabled body DOES belong in body positivity. body positivity does not center around size. thin bodies are not prizes. body positivity does not center around health. healthy bodies are not morally virtuous.

if i get one more comment ‘i’m all about body positivity but it isn’t okay to be obese’ or ‘i’m all for loving yourself but you’re unhealthy’ or 'you shouldn’t be proud of being unhealthy’ i may implode. Such ignorance, fatphobia, and ableism.
Hamilton characters as things my friends and roommates have said at college
  • Washington: Every time you don't keep your side of the room clean, god kills a puppy.
  • Angelica: Honey, if that boy talks to you again and you don't like what he's saying, send him to me and I'll kick him so hard in the ass, he'll need my foot surgically removed from his mouth.
  • Maria: I look like a hooker in this dress, but not a cheap one. Like, a really expensive one. For the guys who wear nice cologne and suits.
  • Laurens: I don't know if I'm gay. Or straight. Or bi. I don't know what I am. I just know I have to pee now cause I'm so stressed about this.
  • Hamilton: I want to have a party just about me. Like, no music, no dancing, nothing. Just an empty room and me with a mic, so that everyone will come and have to hear me talk.
  • Eliza: I feel so guilty, I ate sugar before lunch. My mum always says it's unhealthy to eat sugar before noon. What have I done? I'm a horrible rebel. I need to go call her and apologise.
  • Peggy: DUDE IM NOT A GARBAGE CAN STOP THROWING YOUR FUCKING GARBAGE AT ME AM I THAT UNNOTICEABLE JESUS I HATE YOU ALL
  • Jefferson: Everyone here is so goddamn stupid.
  • Burr: Either I'll kill myself or my dorm-mate before summer break. I don't know which yet.
ADVICE FOR 2KFOREVER

•BE. BLACK. AS. HELL!!!!
•EMBRACE THAT BODY! Fat, skinny, thick, whatever your category, EMBRACE IT! And if you aren’t happy with how you look, CHANGE FOR YOU! Not for a man, not for anybody else that has made slick comments about your weight.
•BE UNAPOLOGETIC! If you already were, continue. If you weren’t, BE THAT!
•STOP APOLOGIZING! For saying what and how you feel.
•LEARN HOW YO SAY NO! Without making any excuses
•LIVE LIFE! LOVE LIFE!
•BE HAPPY!
•BE YOU!
• LOVE YOURSELF! Not because nobody will love you if you don’t but because that’s the most important thing and the most healthiest thing for you.
• PUT A STOP TO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING UNHEALTHY! Relationships, friendships, situationships.
• DON’T KEEP THOSE EMOTIONS BOTTLED UP! Let it out, talk about it, cry about it, be angry about it, showing emotions is not a sign of weakness it’s a sign of strength

how I see the signs and what I want them to know
  • (side note - View of a Virgo rising, Leo sun in the 12th, Libra moon in 2nd, mercury Cancer in 11th, venus Leo in 12th, mars Leo in 11th)
  • Aries: was once my best friend, she made literally everything in my life brighter and always helped me to just enjoy things and stop worrying all the time. Also great hugs. Just simply has that energy, wherever it may be - physically, mentally, staying up until you binge watched that show, giving you their last money so you can get yourself something to eat before you starve to death, always down for a talk and a walk even if they had a packed schedule. Please don't miss out on times when you just have to take a day off to get your beautiful and strong energy back. I care about your health so please don't forget to eat properly and don't miss out on that quality time if needed.
  • Taurus: a girl from my drama class and my little sisters moon sign, I am just so in love with your sense for aesthetic. Total sunshines. I feel like I can always rely on you, super compassionate and knows how to make you feel comfortable when youre not. I love that when you have a goal in your mind, you will give your everything to achieve that! Also so humble but like I want you so desperately to know how beautiful I think you are!! I enjoy your company a lot. Please don't be afraid of changes, I know that's such a mainstream thing to write for Taurus but I really do believe that maybe sometimes you need to be reminded that life can also begin at the end of your comfort zone.
  • Gemini: a guy and a girl from biology class, I am literally stunned at how much these people know. Eloquent fluffballs. I could listen to you spreading knowledge 24/7, make great jokes in my opinion and just kind of knows... everyone?? Get along with so many people, can be very chill but also full of energy when they're talking about things they are interested in. Also fun-fact kings and queens. Please remind yourself to stay loyal to your true friends, you may know many people with whom you get along with so well and for sure everyone is intersting in their own way, but it's very possible to feel lonely in a crowd. Your closest friends will always get you out of that and help you, I promise.
  • Cancer: a close friend of mine, literally the most caring person I've ever met. Actual comedians. I don't know I just straight up fell in love with your humour. All the Cancers I know have or had some extreme physical problems going on, please get well soon if you read this and you're also not feeling well. Mentally on the next level, strong and kind of unbreakable. Don't hide their feelings because they just know that when you bottle up your feelings it's never going to end well. They just get you and will be there for you no matter what. Please take care of yourself just as well as you do with your friends and family, you are a true blessing and it's definitely okay to rant or cry or just let it all out.
  • Leo: my english teacher and a guy I used to be close with, very often completely misunderstood and taken for granted, which can lead to unhealthy behaviour. Will make you feel great after a plain shit day. I strive to be this talented at just expressing myself or being confident, even if you just want the world to think you are confident when you're actually not. Cuddly queens and kings. Better not hurt their pride because it took them a lot of time to actually get to that level and in a world where people hate on you for loving yourself, to them it feels like, despite all their work, they are not worth of loving themselves. Please don't forget that although sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror and like what you see, there are caring and warm-hearted people who love you just the way you are.
  • Virgo: a girl in my class I simply adore, I always annoy you with my endless compliments. Kind of just in love with these down-to-earth and sweet people. Either super chill or worried a lot, I wish I could just hug you until you feel less stressed. Smol but strong beans you can learn a lot from. So reliable, I actually hate doing group projects and always want to do everything myself but since you share that opinion we created something I was really proud of and now we always do them together. Please remember that passion is something you shouldn't be ashamed of, you simply don't have to be because it's something you love and your needs are valid. Also dreaming big, it's possible, especially for you so why not?
  • Libra: a girl I recently got to know and am already completely amazed by, literal social butterflies who sometimes only know in hindsight how much they enjoyed the company of someone because they adapt so easily and it's rare to find someone where you can just simply be yourself. Love how they view life and that they make me want to talk more. Very open and you never feel excluded because they just know how to include everyone. Please don't forget to remind yourself who you truly are and not to lose yourself in another person, because there really is only one you no matter how good you are at adapting to literally every social situation, you are amazing and I want you to be comfortable as well.
  • Scorpio: my dad and my ex boyfriend's mom, two very caring peole in their own way. I always love how sharp their sarcasm can be. Can comfort extremely well when they want to. So many secrets and things to know about them that I can lose myself in them wanting to explore whats actually behind their shell. Teaches you life lessons. Please don't forget that humans aren't flawless and that's completely okay. You don't have to hold onto old grudges, communication is key and talking about these things, confronting these people who did you wrong will help you grow as a person.
  • Sagittarius: an old friend of mine, very cute people who get interested in so many things and they are so versatile and adventurous I absolutely love their lively nature. Memes™. Total dorks you can fall for in a second. Are actually the best partners to just talk to about anything because they will be interested and share their opinion with you. Please remind yourself that cutting off people can be a very wise decision and you don't have to keep up with everyones shit if that's just not what you're in for.
  • Capricorn: I am literally so attracted to these people it's unreal, although I kind of always think that they don't like me...... anyways, my bigger twin sisters are caps and they are humble souls who really had to fight for a lot in life sadly. So proud of you. Keep up with the hard work, you really deserve everything. So realistic and pure I have heart eyes. Supportive and extremely loyal. Will stand up for you if you need it. Straight face™ but still manages to make even the most serious people laugh. Please remind yourself to not overdo it with the work, take a day off to relax and let yourself go maybe, even if it's hard - with the right people you don't ever have to be afraid of being yourself.
  • Aquarius: my ex boyfriend whom I had a crush on for like 4 years, teached me great life lessons. Will always have a weakness for aquas, they just attract me so much, how much of a fluffy dork can you be tbh? Capacity of acceptance is incredible. So much fun to be with. Are kind of just good at everything? You can talk to them about anything, it won't feel weird, they won't question it and just talk to you about that topic. So friendly, an underrated trait in my opinion, just complete and simple friendliness you enjoy to the fullest. Please remind yourself to let people not only see your amazing shell but also your stunning core, there are people who love to talk about the same things you love and nothing about you is weird, you are special and I absolutely love it.
  • Pisces: a very sweet guy I've been texting with for the past months, very open minded and also have that sensitivity I strive to have. Very inspirational smol puppy. Actual daydreamers™, may be late to school but love deeply and would never neglect your love. Kind of hate almost everything that's planned out? (I'm sorry I just love to plan things out) will hug you no matter what. Does not fear to dream big, is very talented at artsy stuff in my opinion. Please don't forget that even if it seems hard, and yes our school system is kind of very bad,we get to have that education and your dreams will be reality if you work hard enough to achieve them. You have so much potential, please don't ever waste it.