my love bird

andreil going on roadtrips is literally??? just the?? warmest thing ever????? they werent able to do it before, for spring break, because of all the bad stuff that happened…but just imagine like sometime in the summer. for 2 weeks or so they get to be together, alone, free of worry leaving it all behind ((including kevin much to his distaste bc he didnt want to have the court so far from him but hes able to stick with his dad so its ok. also andrew pulled out the knives))

  • having just the road beyond them!!! they travel for hours with no real destination in mind, only the feeling of being able to be with each other like this 
  • with their fingers loosely laced together in the middle of the console and the windows down with the wind blowing through their hair. sometimes neil will stick his head out to really breathe in and feel his blood rushing because freedom is right here in front of him in the palms of his hands and it feels so good
  • andrew glances at him before turning back to the road again and his heart is clenching and burning with this entirely new feeling because neil still feels like a fucking pipe dream even though he is right there with him. and he always will be.
  • after a while they’d stop at a rest area, or maybe just the shoulder of an empty road. andrew would step out and go to neil’s side and lean against the hood of the car while lighting 2 cigs
  • they both breathe in the smoke while they lean back to stare at the starry sky which is extremely clear without light pollution, except its only neil doing so, because andrew is staring at him from the corner of his eye instead
  • the awe on neil’s face makes the realization hit him that he’d burn down the world if that meant nothing would ever be able to take this away from him again ((am i speaking about neil’s happiness, or neil with andrew? ;)))
  • this muddles his thoughts and almost melts his fucking brain, so much that he has to ask “yes or no?” and pulling neil in by the collar of his shirt when he whispers out a “yes. always yes.” and biting his bottom lip for the last of it in retaliation which makes neil smile against his mouth
  • they spend nights in shitty motels with junk food and candy surrounding them on their bed, courtesy of andrew
  • theyre wrapped in blankets like a cocoon and sharing kisses and nuzzles to necks and soft touches like hands running through hair, warm hands on the back of necks and sometimes barely-there fingertips grazing up and down arms when andrew is comfortable with it
  • neil will send a pic of them on the balcony with the sunrise behind them to the foxes’ groupchat and everyone dies from it. andrew is glaring at neil and flicks the ash of his cig towards him and neil just smiles
  • neil would want to go on runs in the morning, to stick to routine, to sometimes push away nightmares he had the night before, but in the end he will always come back to andrew because he knows he no longer has to be actually on the run. and andrew will be waiting for him
  • and he is, with takeout breakast and a 2nd cig in between his fingers for him, and the steadying presence with the feeling of home
  • they dont exactly have plans for their days, just whatever comes to mind and whats easy, either lazing about watching boring movies with andrew’s legs thrown across neil’s lap or andrew slowly taking neil apart bit by bit with hot hands and harsh kisses. it all works for them
  • ((once neil asked if he’d wanna go running with him sometime and maybe check out whats around and what to do and andrew just stares blankly at him like ‘are you kidding me’ and neil has the audacity to laugh))
  • and even after many years that pass they’ll still take these roadtrips, a lot of them on a whim just to get away from everything and to wrap up into each other and feel how they still fit together like 2 pieces of a puzzle even after all this time
  • until the end of forever
whoever said that love was “friendship set on fire”
obviously never fell in love with their best friend
because i did
and the two did not go up in flames
only one of us is burning

the smoke of these flames took shape of you
and god, it looked so much like you
i could have fooled myself into believing it was you
and i couldn’t help but to steal a kiss
now my chest hurts and my lungs are full of poison
i can’t breathe
but i can’t stop breathing you in
even though it’s killing me

love is not “friendship set on fire”
because being on fire like this hurts
and love should never hurt
and i would never want you to burn like this
i would never want us to burn
i want us to flourish
i want us to rise like the phoenix
and soar together
i want us
together
to feel like we’re flying
all of the time
— 

Anonymous said: Could you maybe write something about falling in love with your best friend but youre not sure if he loves you more than a friend?

alyssasfriendana said:Could you maybe write one about a girl who loves a boy so much that it physically hurts, bc hes her best friend and she’s his but that’s the only way he sees her

Anonymous said: I wonder if could write about falling in love with somenone. About a girl who once was my “girlfriend”, and now we are really close friends, but i still love her and keep falling over and over again

(cc, 2017)

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Watch on harryandmesohappily.tumblr.com

Also, posting this video I forgot that I made. But my mom found it on my phone and gave me a look, as if to say “why do you keep disappointing me?”