my life spam

3

First episode of Bake Off and the contestants have already learned to use booze to appease Mary Berry

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody else,
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by itself and if it will
keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.
there is no other way.
and there never was.

—  Charles Bukowski, So You Want To Be A Writer?

what she says: im fine

what she means: turns out today wasn’t an amazing day after all, this isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year cause…cause why would it be? oh i know because there’s zoe and all my hope is pinned on zoe who i don’t even know and who doesn’t know me but, you know, maybe if i did, maybe if i could just talk to her then maybe…maybe then nothing would be different at all. i wish everything was different. i wish that anything i said mattered to anyone. i mean, face it, would anyone even notice if i just disappeared tomorrow?

2

“You look pleased with yourself,” I say.

“I’m pleased to meet you.” He puts his hand up to his glasses and takes hold of them as if he’s going to take them off, but he doesn’t. “That sounds very English, doesn’t it? I’m very pleased to meet you, Nathan.”

And instantly I’m pissed off.

the old spice ‘man your man could smell like’ commercials exist in the sh universe and it’s a long-running joke with both the fray family and the pack that the dude in them looks a lot like luke