my life is ruined and my dreams are shattered

As every white feminist puts on their party hat and starts an early celebration because “omg finally a female president in the United States!!” just remember she’ll be stopping women of color everywhere from reaching their dreams/goals/aspirations by 1) bombing the shit out of women in the middle east 2) turning every conversation into a ‘but look at me rich white woman- i suffer too–my diamond glass ceiling is finally shattered!! We made it!’ 3) stomping on black kids futures, landing poc in jail, and breaking up and deporting families.

so if you really care about women/poc/anti-racism and equality- check yourself cause you about to wreck us all. 



I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked. I just wanted to send a little note your way. No, I’m not writing this to complain about how you ruined my life or shattered all of my dreams. I once thought you did those things, but looking back now as a married woman, I realize the exact opposite is true. That’s why I’m here to say thank-you. Let me start by thanking you for treating me poorly. Although I know I didn’t deserve that kind of treatment, it taught me to respect myself and hold higher standards when it came to choosing a companion. You showed me the importance of looking for someone who cared for me enough to work hard, lend a helping hand to those in need, speak with kindness and even do those things you considered “outdated” and “uncool” – like asking my dad’s permission to date me, opening the car door and respecting my body and purity.

I can’t help but think back to all of those times you bailed on me after we had already made plans for a date night. Often it was just an hour or two before we were supposed to go out. I know, I know, the guys invited you to hang last minute and you just couldn’t say no, right? I remember the sting of not being a priority in your life. I remember holding back the tears when you called to back out, and I certainly remember letting them flow as I read yet another text filled with excuses and broken promises. From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank-you for those times, too.

You may be wondering how I can truly be grateful these things, as rotten as they were. I mostly appreciate them for reminding me of how blessed I am to have a husband who loves me completely and fully as a man should love a woman. He works hard to provide for our family, isn’t “too cool” to pray with/for me, speaks with grace and treats me like a lady – not a piece of meat or a trophy to show off to his friends.

I don’t know where you are today or what your life may look like, but I hope these past experiences have taught you a thing or two as well. My prayer and greatest hope for you is that you’ve learned the importance and value of being a gentleman, living a life rooted in kindness and considering others as a priority above yourself. I don’t hate you, and although I certainly can’t say I miss you, I just had to set free the pain I allowed you to build in my heart so very long ago.