my life is controlled by toddlers

When somebody asks me how life is going, I always have the same answers: It’s okay, it’s fine.

What I really want to say is that my mother’s growing old and I’m scared. The wrinkles that form her face when she frowns have gotten deeper and her finger nails that she used to keep colored a dark shade of red are bare.

My little sister is learning to become a number at school. She received her first report card with all straight 90’s, but the girl who sits behind her had all straight 95’s. She clearly didn’t try hard enough, she believes.

My brother just entered high school, but he’s already stressed about what he’s going to do after college.

My father’s footsteps sound heavier on the wooden stairs of our house when he comes home from work now and his body looks tired.

My friends go to bed feeling empty and twist and turn in their sheets before they fall asleep from complete exhaustion and wake up restless.

I operate like a robot and have absolutely no control over time. It seems to be slipping from my fingers like the wind and I can’t trail behind it.

That is the way it is for most people.
We live in a constant cycle that repeats every day and the color of our lives becomes duller as we grow.

One day we’ll wake up being seventy and think, “Where did my life go?”

It went a little like this:

When you were born, you were born with curiosity burning in your veins. The sound of it was heard loud and clear when you giggled as a toddler and it slowly became inaudible when you became a teenager. In fact, the fire nearly burned out completely when you reached adulthood.

But it’s not out yet.
It doesn’t blow out until your heart stops working.
As long as your lungs expand and deflate, stardust production continues in your blood.

You can’t change the past.
You can’t correct the errors you made or pretend they’ve never occurred.

You can never find true happiness if you are always looking for it.

Live now.
Live in this very minute.
Damn it, don’t think about what happens next. What happened before.
If somebody broke your heart, tell them.
Kiss the hell out of the one that makes you happy.
Call up that relative you swore you hated but haven’t heard from in a while and ask them how they are.
Take out that shirt from your closet that you bought because it was pretty and wear it, even if you think it doesn’t look great on you.
Drink more water in the day even if you don’t feel thirsty.
Put down your phone and step outside for a few minutes and just breathe.
Stare at the moon, the stars, the clouds as they drift onwards.
Watch the sunrise and the sunset by yourself and listen to soft music when you do it.
Take long showers and touch yourself gently.
Stop believing that a low grade defines your intelligence and learn to appreciate your hard work when you’ve put it in.
Make sure to give yourself a break when you need it.
Hug your friends for a minute longer and remind them that you love them.
Change your vocabulary from “I can’t” to “I can”.
Be open to pain and letting go of it.
Scream at the top of your lungs when the world is sitting on your shoulders.
Set fire to the dreams you couldn’t achieve and with the ashes form a new path.

Make your life one that is worth being proud of.
That you can feel satisfied with once you are taking your last breaths.

You have always been making choices on your own—It is up to you to make the best ones.

—  LIVE LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO DIE TOMORROW 
Strategic Mothering

Characters: Mary, John, toddler!Dean, Samuel Campbell mentioned

Word Count: 900-ish

Warnings: Nothing major, slight description of panic and maybe a hint of angst

A/N: This popped in my head and wouldn’t leave me alone. This is just a little idea about how Mary would deal with trying to control her hunter’s instincts while living the civilian life. Maybe a little more headcanon than a fic, but I don’t know. All my love to @idreamofhazel for the quick beta. She’s so amazing.

Originally posted by whydidithavetobeclowns


Control the situation.

Walking into any room, Mary instinctively scans for the tactical advantage. Doesn’t matter if it’s an empty room in an abandoned house, or a busy bar. There are tactical fundamentals for clearing a building, for keeping yourself and others safe. Mental preparedness is top of the list. It’s too easy to fall victim to the physical changes your body endures as you make snap fight-or-flight decisions.

Control your body. Keep the panic down; increased blood pressure and blood flow to major muscle groups decreases the flow to extremities, lessening dexterity and encumbering one’s self in up close, hand-to-hand combat. Keep your heartbeat steady, breathing even.

Channel the fear into anger or aggression.

Keep reading

100 Writing Prompts

1. Describe the color green and what it makes you feel.
2. What do you feel at midnight?
3. Talk about one guilty pleasure movie.
4. Describe your first crush.
5. Talk about what it’s like to fly in an airplane.
6. What state is your favorite? Why? Have you ever been there?
7. What is one book no one knows you like?
8. What does your favorite fruit taste like?
9. Describe the mannerisms of your best friend when they are angry.
10. Do you like musicals or plays more? Why?
11. Describe the most easy going or relaxed day you can remember.
12. Do you believe you have a soul mate?
13. The biggest lie I have ever told is…
14. My parents’ religion has played a role in my life by…
15. What was your favorite show as a toddler? Do you remember the values of the show?
16. How important are your grandparents in your life?
17. If you could control everyone’s emotions would you?
18. What does no one know about you? Why is this a hidden part of you?
19. Have you ever questioned your sexuality?
20. Listen to Novo Amor’s song “Holland” and describe how it makes you feel.
21. Are you a good singer? Why do people sing?
23. Talk about your favorite instrument.
24. Can fame bring you happiness?
25. Is happiness only temporary?
26. Think about a character in your head and write a paragraph describing what they’d think about your life.
27. Do you wish you could read more? If so, why don’t you?
28. Is school worth it?
29. Who is the most influential teacher you have ever had?
30. Is it important to have a plan in life? What is yours?
31. Write a metaphor for Donald Trump.
32. How does gender expression play a role in your life?
33. Do you like walking barefoot in wet grass? Why or why not?
34. Write a paragraph describing lips. Feel free to include a drawing.
35. What do you image you mother was like at your age?
36. What is your dream car? Why does it’s aesthetic appeal to you?
37. Describe what snapping fingers makes you think about.
38. Talk about the nicest thing anyone has done for you in the recent past.
39. What is an experience you would hate to repeat but do not regret living through?
40. Do you have a hunch about when you are going to die? If so, discuss it.
41. What is your ideal afterlife?
42. Write a scene describing a car crash.
43. What is your favorite point of view to read a book from? (This would be either first person, second person, or third person.)
44. Do you over complicate/ over think things in your life? How does this affect aspects of your life?
45. Do you wear makeup? Is makeup gender specific?
46. Create a set list that makes you feel calm.
47. Ask a companion to write a list of emotions you have made them feel. Reflect on this list.
48. When you feel under attack do you tend to become defensive quickly?
49. Can you see yourself working a 9 to 5 job in an office cubical? What connotations does our society have about office jobs?
50. What is one movie or television show that your parents have introduced to you?
51. Describe your favorite place in your city or town.
52. Have you ever considered going vegan or vegetarian? How would this impact your daily life?
53. Create a set list that can make you cry.
54. Write about your first impression of someone you would now consider a trustworthy friend or mentor.
55. Are you optimistic or pessimistic? Does your view change based on the situation?
56. When you give advice, is it advice you know the receiver wants to hear or advice they need to hear? Why?
57. Make a list of words that can hurt you.
58. When is your favorite time to write?
59. Would you consider your self more artistic minded or scientific minded? Is it possible to be balanced in this way?
60. Why do we as humans fear death?
61. When do you seek human touch for comfort?
62. Does the idea of undergoing surgery scare you or excite you?
63. What is your economic background and how has it influenced your views on money today?
64. What are your favorite numbers? Why?
65. What is the most defining feature of someone’s face?
66. Is it possible we are living in what would be considered another dimension’s dystopia?
67. Describe your dad’s music taste. Feel free to include a set list.
68. Talk about a dead musician.
69. What is a famous classic book that you have read either on your own or in a class that you found to be not worth the hype?
70. Would you consider yourself to be conservative or liberal? Do you think that either of these categories perfectly describes your beliefs? What are common misconceptions about the category you identify with?
71. What is ignorance? How do you respond to it in your day to day life? How have you become less ignorant over time?
72. Create a list of places in your own country that you’d like to visit.
73. Listen to slam poetry. (My favorite place to do this is on the Button Poetry channel on YouTube.) Find a poem you connect with and talk about the speaker’s voice.
74. Create a set list of songs only created before you were born.
75. What are you favorite names? Why are these your favorites?
76. Watch the movie “6 Years” on Netflix, describe the problem of domestic violence on men in our society.
77. What is a phrase or word that you commonly say? When do you say it?
78. Do you believe in unconditional love?
79. Make a list of quotes you find solely on Tumblr.
80. Spend 20 minutes resting quietly with music playing if you’d like and just let your mind wander. What did you think about? Was this time beneficial to you in any way?
81. Do you believe opposites attract? Has this ever happened to you or a friend?
82. Discuss your biggest insecurity and why it is an insecurity for you.
83. Describe the social concept of virginity and how it plays a role in your life.
84. Write a letter to your past self.
85. Write a letter to yourself 3 years from today.
86. Talk about rejection. How does it feel to reject someone? How does it feel to be rejected? Write about rejection in multiple aspects of your life?
87. Have you ever gone though a time of depression. Write about that feeling. If you haven’t talk to someone who has a write about what you learned from talking to them.
88. Talk about traits you find physically beautiful.
89. Write about your favorite words. Create a list and discuss their meaning, the way they sounds, and the connotations you have about them.
90. Do you have an accent? Describe your accent.
91. Talk about three people you find entirely miserable and try to understand why they are that way.
92. Describe the act of holding hands.
93. Discuss the following quote by Mahatma Gandhi, “Your tomorrow depends entirely on what you do today.”
94. Is hate too strong of a word to use? Do you use it in your day to day life? Create a list of words conveying the same meaning as the word hate.
95. What is one experience that has taught you a lot about being grown up?
96. How do you learn best? What do you need from a teacher?
97. Can you write from the point of view of someone with a mental illness if you do not have that mental illness yourself? Is this an ethical issue?
98. Do you think our society is over sensitive or under sensitive? Why do think we are this way?
99. Write a list of things you do not know.
100. Write a list of things you have learned from solely your own experiences.

-cjf

The Littlest Winchester - Sass Master

Character(s): Dean Winchester

Warning: None

Word Count: 841

Fic:

           Dean’s daughter isn’t mouthy. Not usually. But there are times when she has no verbal filter. Sometimes it’s cute, and other times she’s walking a fine line. So today when the four-year-old gives him an eye roll to his ‘because I said so’ response, Dean braces himself to deal with a potential problem.

           “What was that for?”

           “What?”

           “The eye roll. Are you giving me an attitude?”

           “Bitch, I might be.” She accompanies the phrase with a sassy finger wave.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I think my biggest pet peeve is people giving infants junk food. I understand with a toddler because they'll ask for it and they're likely to throw tantrums and hey who doesn't give in sometimes, but a BABY? They didn't ask for junk food- they don't even know what it is. There is no reason to give a baby bullshit?

People actually give me shit all the time for not letting my two year old have soda and things like that and I tell them all the time “this is the easiest time in his whole life to control his diet, why wouldn’t I give him healthy options?”
Rose🌹

Okay so, I volunteer at the library and today i was wiping off those cardboard books in the children section it was going pretty good most of the books were surprisingly clean and im pretty sure someone else had already done half of them but i dont care i was told to do from z-m so im doing z-m i will not back down from this challenge no matter how clean or dirty they are because one thing i have learned in the past few weeks is that some children are sneaky little monsters and you never know what to expect.

I was half way through cleaning the row, going along i had found books with dirt, gum, other substances i honestly dont know, the usual. Then, i come across a wonderpets board book, seemed pretty clean, i wiped it off then i see a spot right on the little hamster dudes face. I start scrubbing it then i notice that on the wipe its coming off like a brownish-green. Maybe its playdough? Nope. No. i dont have that kind of luck. There is no such thing as luck in the boardbook section. Its totally poop. Some little toddler reached into their diaper got some poop on their finger then put it right on that poor animal superhero hamster. The worst part of this is my first thought after the discovery was not “ do i tell the person in charge?” Or “oh god im going to throw up” or anything of that rational nature. No, my first thought after this was “well i guess it was a shitty book”

The Pride of Namimori

A.N - For the Fandom Bingo card spot 3-2; ‘Xanxus’. 

Xanxus knows when his mother calls the old man that he isn’t the man’s son. He knows before even. His mother has had many johns over the years, some better than others, but none of them looked like the old man, either younger or in his current state.

The old man, Xanxus sees, knows it too. But he’s humoring them, right up until Xanxus shows him his Flames. And then it isn’t humor that guides him, but interest.

The man wraps his scarf (warm, smelling of cologne and burning wood) around Xanxus. “Yes,” he murmurs, a lie to comfort a dying woman even as his eyes examine Xanxus like a horse at market, “Yes, he is my son.”

——————

Keep reading

ben-so-low  asked:

For all we know, the Skagosi might be vegetarian. But savage MiniHannibal!Rickon is my guilty pleasure, along with Taylor Swift.

The thing is, to my mind, Rickon-as-a-savage is not something that makes any sense to me as far as fanon goes.  First of all—the concept of “savagery” is one that sets my little history-major-self on edge because it’s such a loaded concept, and one that is deeply rooted in institutionalized hatred.  

Like, I get that he’s more wild than Bran, and that he’s not really parented as a toddler, but to me that doesn’t really lead to him becoming an out of control savage at all—especially not when he starts having Osha’s undivided attention.  Additionally, to my mind, automatically saying that “Rickon is angry” (which I think is true) doesn’t always look to the why he’s angry.  He’s a child (like…3-5 years old).  I am in my twenties and wouldn’t be able to emotionally process his situation, I can’t fathom that he’s able to.  There’s so much pain and abandonment in his life, of course some of that will manifest in anger.  But is that the only thing he is?  Is he only subject to those emotions, and none of the influence of spending time with Osha and Bran and the Reeds?  Like, he’s no less composed than the Walders, and they’re older than him and Bran.  Why would he lose that when he leaves Winterfell?

So yeah, maybe he’ll be raised in the style of a Wildling because he’s in Osha’s care.  But like, Jon’s whole experience with the Wildlings goes to show that they aren’t the barbarians that the people in the Seven Kingdoms think that they are.  And so the concept that Rickon’s gonna be all savage is just playing into the concepts that GRRM subverts by having characters like Mance Rayder (who chooses the Wildlings), and Ygritte, and Val, and Tormund, and even the Magnar of Thenn and the Lord of Bones aren’t “savages”—they live a lifestyle that’s different from the Seven Kingdoms.  They are a different culture.  (Indeed, Jon recognizing this and then going and trying to make everyone else operate using that same mentality is a part of what gets him shanked.  It’s why his shanking seems so brutal.  Because Jon’s doing the right thing.)

And the thing is with Skagos is it is part of the Seven Kingdoms.  It has rebelled against the dominion of Winterfell—perhaps multiple times, it’s unclear—but their culture is probably something that’s really interestingly different from the North and from the Wildlings.  Does that automatically make them everything people say they are?  Realistically speaking…no.  Reputations can come out of long histories, and the stories of Skane are old old old.  Do they still eat the flesh of men?  Who even knows.  Davos’ll find out.  But the automatic assumption that they do just because the Seven Kingdoms takes it for granted that they do is super shady to me on so many levels.

Also— slowlygrowingstronger just added this to say which I think is relevant/interesting, and had not heard before:

I mean that’s how it happened in real life. Most cannibal rumours were made up by Europeans so as to dehumanise the local populations. First mention of word cannibal, if I’m remembering my class last year is … Columbus.  So its totally legit that GRRM would use it like that!

youtube

This child is real life.

i wanna talk about the simultaneously best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me

i was sitting on my couch watching some tv after a long day at work, and you know what comes on tv? a commercial for this life-ruiner 

dole fucking dippers

what are dole dippers you ask? it’s literally just frozen fruit covered in dark chocolate. i’ve only had the strawberry, but it also comes in banana, banana with nuts, and pineapple. it’s the kind of shit you see on pinterest and fitness blogs for people who have their lives together and go jogging in the morning

because i have the impulse control of a toddler, i saw this commercial and immediately thought, “that looks okay i guess,” and when i went to the grocery store that night to get food for the upcoming week, i picked up a pack

mistake

why?

because dole dippers are fucking delicious. i hate that i love them. but they are genuinely fucking delicious, and you wouldnt think they are because its just fruit covered in chocolate. usually when i want something sweet, i indulge in children’s sugar coma-inducing cereal, like, i actually have a box of shitty captain crunch donut cereal with sprinkles in my cupboard right now

but this shit is so good. and i would be fine with this if it weren’t for one detail

this shit costs me $3.99 at my local grocery store ok and i could actually buy my own box of strawberries and my own dark chocolate and make my own chocolate-dipped strawberries for cheaper

but you know why i wont? i wont because im a lazy piece of shit who doesnt have my life together and go jogging in the morning. so instead, im just gonna pay the overly expensive $3.99 for this delicious bullshit

so fuck you dole dippers for tasting so good and appealing to a population of lazy assholes like me who wont make my own frozen chocolate-dipped treats for half the price and twice the product

Unhappily Ever After is No Way to Run a Family

By Amy Dickinson

January 1, 2015

Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. I have given up job opportunities and graduate school opportunities to move around the country

for him and his job.

We are currently living in a small town in Texas with our 2-year-old son. He promises me we will get married one day, but not anytime soon. When I tell him I want marriage, he says I’m pressuring him.

I have tried to compromise and ask him to at least make me feel like I’m his partner by combining even a portion of our finances to cover mutual costs (home, groceries, child care, etc.) and he says no. He won’t even tell me his salary.

His parents had a nasty divorce, and I can’t help but think that has influenced him and his ability to commit. I love him, and I know he loves me. I don’t want to raise our son apart, but I know I’ll never be fully happy if we don’t get married. When I try to talk to him about my concerns, it always turns into a huge fight. Do I stay, or do I leave? 

— Tired of Waiting

Dear Tired: I almost never respond with an instant reaction that someone should leave a relationship — certainly with a toddler in the picture, but I’m making an exception here.

Your guy is controlling and withholding. You are responsible for your choice to give up opportunities and your education in order to follow him around, have a child with him and to exist in a relationship limbo that you claim is 100 percent NOT what you want. Please, don’t make your life worse by doubling down and insisting on marrying him.

Never give up your dreams. Never give up your own power. In a truly loving relationship, both partners share their dreams — and balance their power.

This man is showing you exactly who he is. Believe him. You need to call a friend or family member, see a lawyer, and start your life anew.

“My dad and Prim are gone…right?”

“Yes…”

“And… my mom?”

“Yes, she’s…she’s gone as well”


I simply can’t keep on drawing fluff, can I? (blame this soundtrack)

More on thg toddler au I guess, I had the idea today that when Peeta and Katniss are just turned into toddlers they don’t remember anything about their life up to that point, but as time passes they start remembering little bits and pieces.

At some point Katniss starts remembering about her parents and Prim and she asks Haymitch about it

tothelibrarycade  asked:

I know you said that you haven't been able to remember your dreams as well at camp, but would you be willing to share one that you do remember? If your day to day life is as interesting as it seems, I can only imagine how kill your dreams might be!

I keep a dream journal, sort of, and occasionally post entries here.

I’ve had vivid dreams for as long as I can remember, but they started getting really weird and memorable in about 5th grade. My parents always asked me about my dreams when I was a toddler, so I got pretty good at recalling them, and became lucid fairly regularly. I should probably say ‘half-lucid’; I am frequently aware that I am dreaming, but rarely have full control of the reality of dream. Like the knowledge that I’m imagining everything is somehow insignificant to me in the moment.

I’ve also had lucid nightmares. For pretty much the entirety of my late childhood and teenage years, up until I left for college, I had recurring dreams about a large, horrifying black dog. Like the Black Shuck, or the Beast-dog in Over the Garden Wall. They started after I learned about rabies and became paranoid that my beloved black lab would contract it.

I have plenty of deeply disturbing dreams about really scary or intense things happening, but I rarely classify them as 'nightmares’. If they have coherent narratives, I wake up feeling like I just read a story and am not bothered by them. The exception has always been Black Dog dreams, which always ended with me waking up crying and terrified and uncertain of my reality.

This was mainly because the Black Dog was self-aware. I’d have awful dreams in which he’d attack and eat my family, chase me through tunnels, maim my friends, ect. High-adrenaline scary dreams. Those were bad, but instead of waking up from them and grounding myself, they’d fade into him talking. The scariest Black Dog nightmare I can remember is from about 9th grade; he chased my family until they drove into a bog, and as their car sank into the mud, he jumped on top and attacked them through the skylight while I stood on the opposite shore and screamed at him. It was very Cujo. But then the dream changed, and he was sitting in front of me, explaining that he was the incarnation of everything I feared and hated about myself.
“That doesn’t matter,” I said. “You’re just a dream. You’re a figment of my imagination. You don’t exist outside of my head. I’m going to wake myself up in one minute, walk around my house, and forget all about you and this dream. Poof! You’ll be gone.”
“You can’t get rid of me,” he said. “I’m part of your psyche. Besides, I’ll be right here waiting for you when you get back. You’ll fall asleep again eventually, and we’ll pick up where we left off.”
I had no words for that, so I just flipped him off and woke myself up. I know I woke up for real, because I wrote stuff down, walked around the house, read part of a book, and talked to my father for a while before I decided to take a nap and catch up on sleep.

…only to find the Dog waiting for me in my next dream. “I told you so,” he said, and the nightmares began again.

I dreamt about him every couple of weeks to every couple of months after that, until they slowly trickled off. Mostly he’d just appear and terrify me by existing, rather than interact - there was one dream where I opened my front door to find him sitting next to my cat. Only it wasn’t my cat… it was an approximation of my cat. She looked like she’d been crafted from an image on an analogue TV, and seemed to flicker and distort even as I looked at her. The dog just smiled.

I stopped having Black Dog dreams eventually. There was no real conclusion, though I suspect he reason I stopped having them was because I started going out of my way to confront my fear of large dogs. Freshman year of college, I walked extra slowly past yards with large, barking dogs at night until they no longer made me want to run. Maybe confronting my phobias and working through them is what destroyed my personal psyche monster literally crafted out of fear.

The most recent Black Dog dream took place this January, when I prepped myself for lucidity in the hopes that I could try to find the Dog and speak to him again, this time as an adult with a nuanced understanding of myself and my capabilities. I didn’t succeed - he sent 'messengers’ and I told them to piss off until I had more time for a proper confrontation. Literally make peace with my inner demons.