my life is a true story

If anyone knows what this is?

When I’m lonely I talk to imaginary people. There’s a whole story going on around me, I have multiple stories I use when I feel like it. There’s a story in the Star Trek universe, where I’m an engineer, that’s the most imahinery and unreal one. When I’m bored at school, I turn there and live an interesting life.

And sometimes I go a day or two without my stories, sometimes I meet my friends just before sleep. But when I’m really alone and lonely, that’s when the true story continues. It’s set in my life, it’s all reality except for the peolle I talk to.

I go running and my crush goes with me. We talk, we laugh together and I’m loved, he likes me. We talk about life, school, future, physicss. And we are so happy.

When I’m very lonely and alone, we’re together very often, all the time. But sometimes I feel like having a breakfast with a few men I know. And sometimes there are people who comment my life. Like in a TV show. They say what I’m doing and they like me and admire me.

And I can’t really influence it. They just pop up next to me. I know they’re not real, but just for a while, they are.

Does that happen to you too? What is it? I’m kinda confused…

story time: presidential edition
  • so you know how everyone has a story
  • you know
  • like the story
  • like if you’re at a party and someone turns to you and says, tell the story
  • and you know exactly what they mean
  • the story
  • well 
  • i have a story
  • and not unlike most good stories, it involves three key components:
  • barack obama
  • pre-2008 reebok sneakers 
  • and the absolute earth-shattering horror you can only feel after making the worst mistake of your life

Keep reading

That time my dog disappeared into Carrie Fisher's house

From reddit user: /u/AinsleyIscariot

Someone recommended I make a post out of a comment that I made elsewhere so here it is! True story and still cringe inside whenever I tell it.

One of the most awkward moments of my life was meeting Carrie. I live in London and walk my dog because he needs to shit every now and then- usually when I get back to my road I let him off the lead and he will run to the house. He will, that is, unless there is ANYTHING else of interest within a 1 mile radius of the house. One day he just ran straight through someone’s open door and I was there on the doorstep tentatively calling after him while I could hear him sprinting around the house. Then there’s lots of barking and I realise there’s another dog there and sure enough my dog comes sprinting out the house being chased by a small dog that seemingly wanted to play with him. Anyway this American woman comes to the door, hearing all the commotion and I make my apologies and we have the usual dog conversation. She then invited me in for a coffee, I thought why not and so we started chatting, and she explained she was renting the house for a month while she was in London. I asked what she did for a living and she told me movies, I asked “Anything I would know?” Slight pause “Star Wars?” “Oh right what did you do in it were you on the crew or an actress?” “An actress” “Oh great who did you play” “Princess Leia?” I swear to fuck I stood there with my mouth open, feeling as if I’d somehow just shat down my own throat. (This was before the franchise reboot so the image of her in my head was the Carrie Fisher in her twenties) She, however, thought it was really cute and laughed it off. Absolutely lovely woman with one crazy fucking dog named Gary.

TLDR: I had a twenty minute conversation with a woman who had been on the receiving end of my dog’s home invasion and didn’t realise it was Carrie Fisher until she told me.


anonymous asked:

The best explanation for biphobia I ever heard is that bisexuals have strange magic powers and people can sense it. While they may justify it in other ways, what they are really afraid of is that bisexuals will make their crops wither and their cattle sicken and die.

I can make lights flicker when I’m really upset, does that count?

Once I went sell some old clothes to platos closet so I give them all my stuff and I’m waiting and they call me over and say “we can’t take any of your stuff” and in my head I’m all “I got some real cute shit the fuck you mean.” and then she says “Because we found this in your pocket!” And she holds up a little tiny baggy of weed that I obviously forgot about and I just grabbed all of my things and ran out.

when you accidentally write a tragedy instead of a sin

  • Interviewer: tell us the story how did you convince 2d to be part of the band ?
  • Murdoc: i ran him over in a caaaar
  • Interviewer: oh
  • Murdoc: yeaaahhhh
  • 2D: that is true
  • Murdoc: it might not sound like a nice thing to do but it worked
  • Interviewer: that's interesting, maybe i should try this in my work environment
  • (the last 19 or so years of murdoc's life flash before his eyes as he thinks about how terrible it all went)
  • Murdoc: NOOO
  • - Telekom Interview 2017
Denial Training For Naughty Little Girls

Posting this because I asked Daddy if I could cum today. He sent me to post this as a chore and to humiliate me.

Step 1: Grab a 28oz bottle of water and drink it all while you look at porn. (No caffeine here dehydration is the enemy) Drink it quickly though, it needs to be gone in 10 minutes. Try to stay cool, no sweating.

Step 2: Get aroused while watching your favorite porn. No touching is aloud. Wear panties and yoga pants only. No denim, it rubs the clit too easily. No rubbing of any kind.

Step 3: Get so wet, enjoy yourself, enjoy watching gorgeous women getting fucked like you never will.

Step 4: You have to pee. Go straight to the bathroom and go. Start thinking of unsexy things like sad stories till you calm down.

Step 5: Now you must wipe correctly as to not please yourself. Using toilet paper push firmly and wipe clean. Make sure you wipe all of the luscious wetness away without pleasing yourself. NO rubbing. NO touching fingers to your pussy or clit.

Step 6: Once clean pull up your pants quickly. Flush, Wash your hands.

Step 7: Get back in bed now and start over at Step 1.