my last will and testament

I believe that the phrase ‘obligatory reading’ is a contradiction in terms; reading should not be obligatory… If a book bores you, leave it; don’t read it because it is famous, don’t read it because it is modern, don’t read a book because it is old…. If a book is tedious to you, don’t read it; that book was not written for you. Reading should be a form of happiness, so I would advise all possible readers of my last will and testament—which I do not plan to write—I would advise them to read a lot, and not to get intimidated by writer’s reputations, to continue to look for personal happiness, personal enjoyment. It is the only way to read.

Birbs stuck in some quicksand or some other nonsense:

Damian: “I can’t hold on much longer. Tim, help me record my last will and testament.”

*Tim turns camera toward Damian*

Damian: “If you’re watching this I’m dead, and I only have a few things to say. DON’T TOUCH. MY STUFF. No one gets ANYTHING. I leave it all to my ghost.”


(I feel like this has probably been done? Too bad, I can’t stop laughing.)

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day 4/30 day studyblr challenge > your most recent work.

january 14th, 2017. i stayed up until 12:30 last night working through the first chapter of my new testament textbook! it’s so interesting seeing how the history i’ve learned about so many times actually took place while Jesus was walking the earth…it’s so amazing. 

Jimmy: says “I love you” to Fiona a gazillion times in S05x6

Me: meh.

Mickey: says “I love you” to Ian for the first time

Me: CALL 911, GET ME A FUCKING AMBULANCE I’M DYING RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. PREPARE MY LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT. LIGHT A CANDLE FOR ME EVERYDAY (waddup Shameless episode reference).

I was driving with a new and not super good driver the other day and I was contemplating my last will and testament and I was like

If I die I need to make sure someone will post the last chapter of TWMLLO at least

That’s basically all I care about

June 11th, 2016  (June fic-a-day)

“Hey Wash, can I have your…”

“Go to hell, South.”  Her laughter followed him into his quarters.

He opened up the envelope that always stayed in the exact same spot.  The envelope was still looking new, but the paper inside was ragged, with holes wearing into the folds.  He unfolded the page one handed, while reaching for his pencil.

“I, Agent Washington, being of sound mind and body, do declare this to be my last will and testament.  At least until these assholes fuck up and I rewrite it again.”  

“To Agent South - still nothing.”

“To Agent North -” Wash rubbed hard with the eraser.  “I don’t care how fucking good you are with that rifle.  Unless someone is standing right behind me about to stab me, don’t fire it right next to my fucking face.  You get my poker money.”  Wash smiled slightly as he wrote.  The envelope in his desk marked “poker money” currently only contained an IOU.  He still owed $20 to York.

“To Agent York -”  Wash paused, reliving a memory that felt weeks-old instead of merely hours.  Wash, cut off from the rest of his team by a dozen late arriving insurgents.  York charging through the group from behind, taking down three almost at once and fighting his way through to him.  “To Agent York - I leave my camera and knives.”

“To Agent Carolina -”  It really didn’t matter what happened in the missions.  This entry had never been erased or changed.  “I leave my books.”  She was the only one who would appreciate them.  Maybe North, but right now, fuck North.

“To Agent Maine -”  As York reached Wash’s side amid a hail of gunfire, a shadow fell across the insurgents, and down came Maine like the fist of God.  He had slammed one soldier to the ground, snapping his neck immediately, and punched another so hard that the momentum took out a third soldier.  The rest panicked and Wash and York picked them off as they tried to scatter.  “Everything else.”

He dropped the pencil, and leaned back in his chair just as there was a knock at the door.  It opened with a hiss of air and York stuck his head in.  “Hey, you coming down for grub?” He noticed the paper.  “How’d I do this time?” Wash’s ever-fluid will was the MOI’s worst kept secret.

Wash smiled.  “If I have any luck, you’ll never know.”

Last Will in Testament of Fox (Abbreviated)

I, Fox, being of sound mind and general existence but knowing that I am about to fight someone who could very easily trap my soul and destroy my mind, do hereby make, publish and declare this, my Last Will and Testament, revoking any and all wills and codicils previously made by me. I declare that I am making this Last Will and Testament of my own will, being under no threat of coercion or duress. I declare that I have one adopted child: @redswedishfish-unofficial. It is my will that, in the event of my defeat at the hands of the ghost of Victor S. Fox, my personal effects, whatever of them remains, are to be returned to my monument and the monument is to be resealed. It is my will that my entire estate of all other property, real or personal, wherever located, pass to my daughter, Red. I hereby appoint Gerald as executor of my will and direct that he serve without bond.

Subscribed and sworn to by me on this 12th day of February, 2017 in the presence of the four witnesses below. 

Fox

Witness: Gerald

Witness: Geraldine

Witness: Jeremy

Witness: Jerry

  • Me: *doesn't wear my glasses even though they're right next to me, straining my eyes for hours*
  • Also Me: *finally puts on glasses, things are blurry* OH MY GOD I AM GOING MORE BLIND. NEW PRESCRIPTION! NEW GLASSES, I'M GONNA BE SO BROKE-
  • Still me, an hour later: *eyes have finally adjusted back to being able to see correctly, I am in the middle of writing my last will and testament* ....Oh. Nevermind!
  • The next day: *doesn't wear my glasses even though.....