my last one for today

Not a fuck customers, but a fuck me.

I’m quitting one job for another and today was my last day. But I did something I really, really, really regret. One of the reasons I’m leaving this job is because I don’t like the people I work with/for.

Today one of my co-workers, who really I don’t like but he doesn’t realize that, asked me where I was going to work instead. I was nervous and didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want him to know where I’d be working, I wanted to start anew and leave these people behind, but I didn’t want to seem mean or like a bitch so I told him the company. Then he asked which location… And I told him. And I regret. that. so. much. He said he’d be needing some things from the department I’ll be working in so he’ll come to visit me.

And I am just so fucking mad at myself for telling him. I’m so upset. I don’t like him. I actually kind of hate him. I didn’t want anyone to know where I was going. I’m so upset and I’m mad at myself for not just telling him it wasn’t any of his business. I hate myself now for doing that. I’m seriously so mad. I’m crying about it. I wanted to get away from everything about this job including the people and I had to go and spill it. And he’s not the only one whose asked me. I wish people would mind their own fucking business. I’m really so upset. I already want to put in a request to transfer to another store. I can’t believe this.

So I went to my hairdressers today to see her one last time before the move.

She did my eyebrows and hair like usual, we talked about things, it was pretty pleasant. For context she’s the only other adult who knows about me outside of my parents, I’ve been going to her for about 4 years?

Anyway..I asked her how much I owed today then she just hugged me and said it was a going away present. Then she started saying all these nice things about how she’d miss me..and how there's nothing wrong with what I do…honestly it was just really nice. I kind of felt like I had a mom for a  little bit that accepted me. I ended up crying in my car after.

6

That’s definitely not the first thing that should have come to mind, Kuroo

(tho it looks like no one really minds

aside from bokuto that is)

there’ll be times, sometimes, when … once even and sana are close enough, and i mean, really really close enough, to the point where even can ring sana even at 2am because there’s an ache, a heaviness, in his chest 

or 

he can’t sleep because he’s been thinking about something too deeply, and so he rings sana, because he needs words right now. 

words

and sana’s good with words. because she speaks when she has to, not when she needs to. and there’s a difference in that. sana isn’t selfish. she won’t speak because she needs to speak to have her say in a situation. she’ll only speak when she has to speak, because the situation is demanding for her to have her say

and there’s a difference in that. because sana listens. she’s always listening.

but sometimes, even wants to listen. and he wants to hear sana talk. explain something that’s been on his mind. “how can this be, if this coexists too?”, and “do you not get tired, sana?”

so, sometimes, he’ll ring her, like on a saturday at 5pm, because isak’s not at home because he’s out with jonas and even’s at home, alone, because he doesn’t wanna go out. 

and so he asks her how she is, how she’s been. “alhamdulillah,” she’ll say in reply. 

“i know what that means,” says even, “all praise be to Allah, right?”, and he can hear sana laughing, that gentle soft laughter that he remembers so well from the christmas kosegruppa party last year. it’s the same, fond, affectionate one. it tells him that indeed, he is right.

and usually, phone calls like those between them end up with even asking sana if she wants to come round to his and isak’s new crib, and usually, it always ends up with sana going. it’s easy. hanging out with sana is so, so easy. 

because on days like those, even asks sana, “could you pray something from the qur’aan?”, and sana does. and even listens, because even needs words. or when the adhaan sounds from sana’s phone, he knows what that means. and the spare room at even and isak’s new place has now unofficially become a prayer room for sana. they don’t know how it happened. or when it happened. it just happened. and there’s a prayer mat kept in that room too, just for sana, if she ever needed to pray when she came over (and she does come over very often).

and sometimes, even will catch a glimpse of sana praying her salah, raising her hands and folding them, if she kept the door open of the room,

and there’s something so peaceful about that. something that fills him up with such ease and calmness, as he watches her pray.

it’s something, even realises, he’s so honoured to have. so thankful to have. that this friendship he has with sana isn’t just surface level deep. no.

it resonates, right into the soul, spiritually, deep within.