Carl hanging out with a father figure who encourages him to follow actual good dreams he has instead of bumming drug money and convincing him to stay dealing when he’s scared and faced shit no 14 year old should is my kind of aesthetic.
i just realised my canadian professor told me she was impressed by my conclusion in the essay i got full marks on and it occurred to me that i wrote that fucking conclusion while i was wasted on my friend’s couch at midnight what kind of impressive shit is that
I’ve noticed I have this weird personality like a church lady. Like, I have infinite compassion and will help anyone who needs it and try to be there for everyone emotionally. But the flipside of that compassion is a judgmental streak a mile wide. I think its because the way my mind works it just absorbs whatever anyone else is going through so if theyre happy im happy if theyre scared im scared. But then if they do shit i dont condone im the kind of busybody who also makes that shit my business, as much as I try not to. I think it might have something to do with how i was raised. I was the only child between a lot of parents growing up, living in small houses and apartments i never really had privacy and as controlling as my parents were i never got to have a sense of ownership over anything, including myself. So I think I’ve carried that porous sense of self into adulthood, where I just meld with people easily. I know other folks with the same experience but they’re all shy, demure, so that melding entails then basically letting their friends and relationships lead them wherever. But im a big, forceful personality, its in my genes, so I do the opposite, I play a dictatorial or controlling role or at least i do in my mind. Irl im too polite to attempt to manipulate anybody so all anybody sees is this weird chick who moodswings between the sweetest person and the meanest bitch, depending on her own contrived code of ethics.
choosing to avoid discussing, emotionally distance yourself from or ignore Ferguson and other anti-black violence is a privilege that non-black people have. black people are in peril basically by existing, and have no choice in it
staying silent is not a ‘neutral’ position, but a 'default’ position, and the default position is the one that made violence against black people permissible in the first place
silence is what people who support anti-black violence take as support, by making a 'default’ space where situations like Ferguson aren’t important enough to be talked about