my jokes are so funny

Houses as things I've Said

Gryffindor: *listens to news report on how our phones give off the same chemicals as marijuana in the brain* Ha! Yo Chris, pass the phone.

Hufflepuff: If I’m not up by 11:40 make sure the fishes have a balanced breakfast.

Ravenclaw: Got water?
Yeah I’m 65% water.
Okay, but how do I drink you?

Slytherin: *Me buying 3 packs of 72 ego waffles* Shut up Alan! I have needs that you’ll never understand! You could never understand.

Y'all, Hazel and Nico are not actually 70+ years old….


Everyone on the internet November 1st

America: NASA is my actual lover.

Russia:… NASA is a privately owned company.

America: And I’m a talking land mass. What’s your point? 


Inspired by this amazing HC because it’s the truest of true. You brought this on yourself, Bruce. 

Hello, my loves, I recently opened a store. If you enjoy my art and would like any prints, notebooks, coin purses, tote bags +more, I’d love it if you took a look. Every bit of support is so appreciated. Thank you all for being so wonderful!