my jokes are funny laugh

dear r,

it has been five months since i’ve seen you and even so my heart skips a beat every time i think of you. no, it’s not appropriate. you’re my cousin’s best friend and ten years older than me, and practically my teacher in the way we interacted. 

but i can’t help it and i’m sorry but goddamnit, why do you have to look at me like that, like you can see right through my bullshit, my sarcasm and quietness and stubborn refusal to be nice to people? why do you have to laugh at my jokes that no one else finds funny? why do you have to think like me, challenge me intellectually and teach me new things without ever being condescending? surely you know what that means to me. surely you know how much i’m in awe of your kindness and humour, your twinkling eye and how you have a smile for everyone, how you compliment my intelligence and show me how much i still have to learn all in one sentence.

i daydream about it sometimes, you know. fast forward four, maybe five years, when i’m not just another seventeen year old anymore, and i’ll come back from college and stand outside your work in the pouring rain and you’ll come outside and ask me what the hell i think i’m doing, trying to catch my death of cold out there. and you’ll drag me in and make me drink green tea (because you know i can’t bear coffee) and then one thing will lead to another and you will love me back.

like magic.

it’s not happening. for all i now you’ll be married by then. for all i know, the age gap is too much. for all i know, i may never come back. because you can see that too, can’t you? you can see that now that i’m off my leash, i’m never coming back unless i can help it. 

but i would do it for you. you just need to give me the word and i’ll fly right back for you.

i wish i could grab your shoulders and shake you silly till you understand, but i can’t because now it’s too late and i’m all the way on the other side of the world and i’m not coming back.

good lord, the things you do to my brain.

can i forget you and just get on with things?

“i’m trying.” will you laugh this time too?

love,

b.

some of the cuckolds on here: hhelo…..could u naybe follow my blog pwease?  i would b ever so grateful uwu…

me, an alpha blogger with no time for bullshit:

You Will Follow My Blog. You Will Laugh At My Funny Jokes. You Will Reblog My Funny Pix. You W

2

Doyoung “mom” protecting the kids 24/7  👨‍👦👦   

Houses as things I've Said

Gryffindor: *listens to news report on how our phones give off the same chemicals as marijuana in the brain* Ha! Yo Chris, pass the phone.

Hufflepuff: If I’m not up by 11:40 make sure the fishes have a balanced breakfast.

Ravenclaw: Got water?
Yeah I’m 65% water.
Okay, but how do I drink you?

Slytherin: *Me buying 3 packs of 72 ego waffles* Shut up Alan! I have needs that you’ll never understand! You could never understand.

British Culture Gothic
  • Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire he’d burn for 1000 days. Some say that his ears aren’t exactly where you’d expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott. We suddenly realise that we have no idea what the truth is. Who is the strange creature? What does he want from us? All we do know, is that he’s called The Stig.
  • It’s the year 2056. Bruce Forsyth is now 141 years old. He’s outlived his family, he’s outlived his old co-stars. He’s outlives everyone he knows. He’s outlived all of us. The apocalypse happened 10 years ago and Brucie is the only one left. He is the last man on Earth.
  • You’re in Tescos just before Election Day. You stop by the news and magazines section expecting to find some quality political analysis on the front page of your favourite paper, but all you find is rows and rows of the same image. Ed Miliband eating a bacon sandwich. At least that’s what the headline says he is doing. But you look closer. And that most certainly is not bacon.
  • You’re on the settee. You’re sort of half asleep-half scrolling Facebook for quality bants. ITV is on in the background but you haven’t been paying attention since Jezza Kyle went off. Something suddenly forces you to snap back to reality. In the corner of your eye you see an oversized white collar, thick rimmed black glasses… No, no, I thought it was over, please tell me he isn’t back, isn’t it over?? You turn to see the collar is now poking through the telly, and he’s there. Staring. There’s only one way to find out… FIGHT
  • LAD culture is taking over. Every word in the English Dictionary is quickly being replaced to include with word “bant” in it somewhere. All dinosaurs have been renamed Bantersauruses. At Christmas the only thing you can watch at the theatre is a Bantomime. Law dictates that the only things we can put in our gardens are blants, particularly of the chrysbanthemum variety. We don’t even wear normal underwear anymore. We literally wear bants. 
  • I wonder what ever happened to Dec, you wonder as you watch Ant presenting Britain’s Got Talent solo. You’re suddenly very aware that you haven’t seen him in a while, but Ant has never mentioned where his counterpart has gone. But wait. Ant looks different. The more you stare at his face the more obvious it becomes, but somehow only you can see it. Dec is trapped inside Ant’s massive forehead.
  • It’s been a long time since Freddos were 10p. A long time. And the price of them is no long a humorous topic used to express faux-indignation at the ever rising cost of living. They are a sad subject now, and it is deemed rude to even bring up the topic of Freddos in good company. Every time your gazes flickers to the £1 label beneath the untouched stack of Freddos at Morrisons, you die a little bit inside, a tear rolls down your cheek.
Me as a mother kpop style part2
  • Daughter: mum who's this?
  • *points to an old bias group poster*
  • Me: well that's *bias group*
  • Daughter: he's cute *points to bias*
  • Dad: thanks sweetie
  • Daughter: ....
  • Me: .....
  • Daughter: ewwwwwww!
  • Dad: jk jk she doesn't even speak his language *starts laughing*
  • Me: you're sleeping on the couch tonight
  • Dad: ..*stops laughing*..
  • Daughter: ???????

how would sabo ace zoro and mihawk when their partert want to cuddle? sorry for the bad english :‘v

A/N: I’m not joking when I say that I had so much fun writing this, I didn’t check so there might be some words that don’t exist… now they do so it’s cool, thank you for requesting!!


Sabo

  • Sabo would react different to his s/o wanting to cuddle, depending on the situation
  • If him and his partner were with other people or out in public, he’d probably get a bit uncomfortable and embarassed
  • He would still cuddle with you tho, bc he just loves to cuddle
  • If you were alone however, he would tease you a bit and act like he doesn’t really want to
  • “Cuddles? You really can’t live without me, can you? Am I really that great?” - “…Shut up, Sabo..”
  • “I don’t really feel like it, I’m just so busy at the moment, ah…” *fake yawning* “But if you really want to, I guess I can take a little break for my fans- Hey! Where are you going!”
  • He actually asks for cuddles more often then you do, bc he’s so… ugh cute
  • His hugs are very intimate, he doesn’t really like to have too much body contact with people he doesn’t really like/knows, but likes to touch the people he loves (does this sound weird?)
  • He likes to hold his s/o close, hold the back of their head and put his chin on the top of their head
  • If his s/o is taller/the same heigh, he likes to have his arms around their hips and just lazily support his head on their shoulder
  • blows on your neck bc you hate it and then kisses it as an apology
  • hate that kid
  • i don’t

Ace

  • Okay, this guy…
  • Oh I have to search for XX, but you want to cuddle? Sure!
  • Oh I have to help XX with this thing, but you want to cuddle? Yes!
  • Oh I have to fight this dude bc he’s danger to the world, but you want my hugs? Of course!
  • Anytime, anywhere, just call for him and he will be by your side
  • Loves it when you ask for him and shows it visibly with a big grin
  • Is a sunshine whenever you need him
  • His hugs are the bestest, no joke
  • They’re warm, tight, long and just feel so right…. god
  • Ace likes to stay in the arms of his s/o as long as he can, because he just feels so good with them
  • lazily kisses your cheek/neck/jaw/head whatever he’s close with, maybe even spins around with you still in his arms
  • feels like he’s needed when you ask for him and that makes him feel good, that’s why he likes it so much :(
  • If you both lay together and try to sleep, he’ll most likely be the big spoon and just stroke your back with his warm fingers
  • Everytime you wake up tho, he’s the little spoon and you’re just like…. ace do you maybe want to be the little spoon tonight?
  • “UhM, nO?!….. ok maybe.”
  • Once fell asleep while he was hugging you, the others noticed and asked if he really just fell asleep and you went like nah he’s just playing so they wouldn’t tease him, see that’s what I call true love

Zoro

  • Umm, excuse me what?
  • A swordsman doesn’t cuddle, he suffers
  • Get’s extremely embarassed if you ask him for cuddles if others are around
  • He just turns into: “?!?!”
  • It’s weak to cuddle and he just can’t go around, showing everyone that he likes to cuddle, what the hell dude!!!
  • Turns into a little puppy in your arms
  • Is not really into PDA, especially if the stupid cook is around, so he asks you to stop asking for cuddles in public
  • You get lowkey hurt and just go ok :/ but then he sees you being sad and kisses the top of your head while he walks by and you just go :)
  • If you’re both alone, he likes to “hold you in his arms only”, especially when you take a nap together but you guys just cuddle with each other, kisses and stupid jokes and stuff
  • You like to trace his muscles with your finger and he just feels so… manly
  • Acts like he doesn’t but his stupid smirk gives him away
  • There was this once time where he had gotten lost somewhere for days and you got so scared that when you met again, you sprinted into his arms and hugged him like crazy in front of everyone
  • Everyone just went like YOOOO what
  • Snooji didn’t stop teasing him for days and then one day you just turned around and went
  • “at least he’s getting some”
  • Zoro kissed you for 5 seconds straight in front of crying jamie oliver


Mihawk

  • He just stares at you for a few seconds, sighs and opens his arms for you, only a tiny bit, but you saw it and now you’re in his arms
  • If you’re with other people, he wouldn’t care at all, just act like he always does and throw his arm around you in Mihawk- style
  • He likes to play with your hair and slowly go through it
  • Secretly smells your hair
  • Seriously, he does
  • I’m not joking
  • His hugs sadly don’t last very long, he’s a rather private person and doesn’t like someone being too close to him for too long, no matter who it is
  • Makes an exception if you’re emotionally not feeling well
  • Kisses your temple once and strokes your head in Mihawk- style
  • Mihawk likes to drink wine with you in his lap on some days, only if he’s feeling rather… wild ;-)
  • Perona caught you once in his arms and went like wow mihawk you have feelings who would have thought that
  • and he just goes fuck off peasant *sexy annoyed mihawk- style stare*
  • Is not really into cuddling before sleep, but is OK with you being the little spoon
  • starts to like it after some time bc you always smell so good
  • why is he so weird what the fu-