Warning: angst and feels
Four months ago
“Harry, don’t you think you’ll be home anytime soon?” You asked softly, earning an exasperated sigh on the other end, one teetering on the edge of impatience and annoyance. You felt a twinge of pain in your heart as you heard it, biting your lip softly.
“Y/N, I’ve told you this a million times. I’m busy. I have the new movie coming out, I have the press for said movie, and I’m working on my album. I don’t have time to just fly all the way home and waste my day away with you. I actually have things to do. I actually have a job and have made something of myself so forgive me if I’m a bit busy, love,” he snapped, making you instantly wince and curl into yourself at his sharp words as you played with your wedding rings absentmindedly.
His normal endearment was said so harshly and almost mockingly, a way you have never heard it before, that you wondered how you could ever hear it again without that tone in the back of your mind.
“That’s not fair and you know it. You’re the one who won’t let me have a job. What happened to “I’ll take care of everything, love. You won’t ever have to lift a finger when you marry me”? I would gladly get a job if you let me! I don’t have my culinary degree for nothing,“ You asked, your heart hurting at the fact that your three year marriage and five year relationship had turned to this. You met when you were 18 and he was 19 at a mutual friend’s birthday dinner and immediately fell for one another. You hardly were ever apart. Now that you were 23 and he was 24, you hardly said the words “I love you” anymore.
You two used to be so happy, so full of love and excitement to be with one another. When you weren’t together, you were always texting or facetiming, telling each other how much you missed each other or how you couldn’t wait to see each other again. Every moment was looking forward to the time you would be back together, in each other’s arms, again. When you would hang up a call, you would always go to sleep with a smile on your face. You both even would plan surprise trips just so you could see the look of happiness, shock, and love on one another’s face when either of you walked around the corner.
When he asked you to marry him, it was a dream come true and the most romantic day you ever experienced. It was your two year anniversary and he took you to where you had your first date; dinner at your favorite Italian restaurant then to a popular museum nearby. But when you got there, all the normal artwork and sculptures were gone. Replacing them was every picture from your relationship, handwritten notes you wrote to each other while you were in blissful love, and song lyrics that Harry wrote with you in mind to name a few. You were in shock as you looked around, your eyes tearing up. Then, you heard Harry clearing his throat and when you turned around, there he was on one knee and professing his love for you.
Now, you were lucky if you even got a text back from Harry all day. Your rare phone call was filled with you hoping he wasn’t in a sour mood or wouldn’t say his words so harshly, a way that made you feel like all of his love for you was now nonexistent. The one time you went and made the mistake to surprise visit him, he barely hugged you, let alone acknowledged you, looking angry that you were even there, and left you in the hotel room the whole two days as he ran around going to interviews, the studio until three in the morning, and important dinners.
So you left a day early, leaving him a sticky note on the table, and, to your surprise, Harry didn’t even notice until two days later. In the past, in under an hour, Harry would have blown up your phone, freaking out and trying to find out where you were, making sure nothing was wrong, and making sure you were alright. That time, you were already all the way back home in bed when you received a short text that said “Have a safe flight.” That’s how little he saw you or cared. He didn’t even realize that you had left two days prior and weren’t on your scheduled flight home.
Things just weren’t what they used to be and it broke your heart even more how Harry didn’t seemed fazed in the slightest.
“Well I’m not stopping you any more! Go get a job! Maybe that’ll stop you from bothering me every minute and stop using my money,” was the last thing he said before he hung up. Your jaw dropped as tears instantly flooded your eyes at his words.
Using his money? He knew that the press and fans calling you a gold digger all these years got to you. You were just a small town girl whose childhood best friend happened to get famous and become friends with the one and only Harry Styles and introduced you to him because you were so alike. He knew how many nights he had to reassure you as you cried that he didn’t believe them. He knew how that assumption affected you and he still said it. You had your own money, he knew that, and it was rare that you ever let Harry pay for any of your things.
Sniffling to yourself, you crawled into bed and threw the covers over you, burying yourself under them as you cried yourself to sleep. The emptiness of the house made you feel so alone, more than you were used to. You were a normal girl before Harry swept you off your feet, so you never really got into the celebrity thing. It was rare you stayed long at parties and even though you talked to some girls, who all thought you were sweeter than honey, you never really had friends over. It was a interesting life you lived.
You were always alone expect for when you were with Harry but if he wanted you to get a job and leave him alone too, then so be it.
Two months ago
“Harry? Where are you? It’s almost time for the grand opening of my restaurant and you’re still not here? You promised, Harry,” you whispered into the phone as you bite your nails and watch all the people lined up outside, ready to try Harry Styles’ wife’s fine cuisine that he himself had raved about several times and maybe catch a glimpse of the star himself.
You had been working on this relentlessly and, even though he always seemed a bit bored when you talked about it, Harry knew how much this meant to you and promised he’d catch a flight that morning and be there for you just like you had always been there for him. But he had still yet to arrive and every hour made your heart sink even lower in your stomach.
You had called Harry over ten times throughout the long day, trying to find out where he was. You were terrified that his plane had crashed into the Atlantic or he was in a car accident somewhere because he hadn’t answered his phone all day.
You sighed as you hung up the phone again and began to make sure everything was in place. When your phone dinged for the first time that day, you almost squealed in excitement as you checked it.
Your enthusiasm that it was Harry saying he was there quickly diminished as you saw it was a text from your best friend that said “I’m so sorry, hon,” with a few photos attached.
Your heart was in your throat as you opened the message and the pictures slowly downloaded, praying it wasn’t a news article saying Harry was pronounced dead somewhere.
You pushed down the urge to vomit as you saw exactly what she was sorry about; several paparazzi pictures of Harry and a mystery red head as they held hands, kissed, hugged, and laughed happily, just like you two used to do, barely even trying to be discrete about it. You couldn’t even say it was trick photography, that Harry wasn’t cheating on you, because the camera man got every angle imaginable.
What added to the pain was the time stamp and location. Just an hour ago and all the way in Los Angeles. Not even close to London. where you were praying he was going to show up any minute. Shockingly, one part of you, the side of you that always forgave him and loved him unconditionally, was slightly relieved he wasn’t dead.
Still, your entire chest ached with a pain so intense you thought you were going to pass out. Why? Why would your precious love, your Harry, the boy who used to be head over heels for you and treat you so sweetly, do this?
“Are you okay, Mrs. Styles?” One of your sous chefs asked softly as she placed her hand on your arm. You flinched hard as you came out from your stupor, your hand covering your mouth. You blinked several times as you tried to hide the state of destruction that Harry’s infidelity just left on you.
You let out a shaky sigh and quickly pulled yourself together again, standing up straighter. This night would not be ruined for you. You worked too hard for this. This was your dream and it will not go to waste because your husband was being an absolute horror. This was your moment.
“Yes, I’m fine. Let’s go check on those samples, alright?” You spoke, a fake smile spreading across your lips and you linked arms and made your way to the sampling trays.
The night went amazing and there were all around great reviews. Everyone loved the food, even several of the toughest critics you knew were raving about it already on their blogs. It was a giant sigh of relief that everything you had worked hard for worked out for the best.
You sighed heavily as you sat on your bed, that was becoming lonelier every night, and slowly took off your heels. You rubbed your aching feet, wishing Harry were there to massage them like he used to do instead of being out with the beautiful supermodel that you felt horribly intimidated by.
Staring off blankly, you wonder how it got to this. All you have ever done is pour every ounce of your love into this relationship. Even though he treated you badly sometimes, you still continued to love him with every bit of your being.
“Dammit,” the dam broke as you buried your face into your hands and began to sob, your entire body shaking and trembling as you released your pain with heartbreaking wails of tears that echoed through the giant, empty house that used to be filled with so much love.
Somehow over your loud gasps for breath and chilling cries, you heard your phone ringing. Turning your head, you saw Harry’s name and your favorite picture of him, one where his head was tilted backwards as he laughed at a stupid joke you made and his dimples on full show. His eyes were squinted shut as he laughed hard and you immediately took a photo with the camera you were conveniently holding. Since then, it was your favorite photo of him and you cherished it.
Sniffling loudly, you quickly tried to contain yourself as you answered the phone call, surprised it was him calling you for the first time in months. “Hello, darling,” You were surprised at how calm and put together you sounded as you greeted him normally, mentally patting yourself on the back at your acting skills.
“‘Lo, love,” his raspy, deep voice filled your ears and you couldn’t help but notice the worry in his voice. You also were sightly hopeful as this was the first time he had greeted you kindly in a while. Maybe he was regretting it and was going to act normal again. “Saw you left a bunch of calls and voicemails. What’s that about? You know I’m busy. Don’t have time to be harassed all day,” he continued, making your stomach sinks as he reprimands you selfishly.
“W-Well did you listen to the voicemails?” You asked softly, playing with a loose string on one of your blankets as a rogue tear rolls down your face escaping the facade you were currently wearing.
“Of course not. I don’t have time for that. I barely have time to be talking to you now. I’m busy packing for the trip home,” he said, reminding you that he would actually be home for the first time in months and you would actually have to face the man, your husband, that was currently cheating on you.
Before you can say anything, he continued, “B-By the way, have you by any chance been on the internet today?” He asked, his voice slightly trembling and you could imagine him playing with his bottom lip like he always does.
You took a slow inhale, reminding yourself to stay calm as you answer, fighting back the tears. “No, no,” you lied, emotionally drained and not wanting an argument or having to deal with the reality of the situation, “I’ve been busy today actually,” you say with a bit of anger in your voice, anger that Harry couldn’t even make the time to see your big moment instead of being a cheater.
“With what? You’ve got nothing to do?” He asked with a slight mocking laugh as you feel your face turn red. He just confirmed that he barely listened when you talked about the restaurant and your dreams.
“Tonight was my grand opening of my restaurant, Harry. You know the one you promised you’d come to. That one you knew meant a lot to me,” you snapped, making his laughter immediately stop and a deadly silence ensued.
“T-that… That was tonight?” He finally asked softly as he recovered from his shock. You bit your lip as you stared at the carpet, hoping he felt just as shitty as you did.
“Yes, Harry. That was tonight,” you mumbled, trying not to let your emotions come through but also making sure he knew he royally messed up.
“Baby, I… I’m so sorry.” For once, he sounded remorseful for letting you down.
“I was waiting for you at the door like a pathetic idiot, Harry! Where were you?” You asked even though you already knew exactly where he was.
“I-I… I was at the studio, baby. I got caught up and didn’t even realize the time and date because I turned my phone off. Missed my flight and everything. You know I wanted to be there, baby. I’m so sorry I missed it,” he lied through his teeth as you shook your head and tears poured silently down your face.
“Whatever. It doesn’t matter…” You mumbled wiping your tears. You heard him try to protest but you quickly cut him off. “What do you not want me to see on the Internet, Harry?” You ask, making him immediately shut up.
“Nothing!” He said in a higher pitched, frantic voice filled with nervousness. He quickly cleared his throat and continued normally. “Nothing, babe. I was buying your birthday present earlier today and the paparazzi caught me. Don’t look them up! I don’t want you to see!”
His lie was so good, his tone so calm, that for a moment you actually believed him. You wondered how many times he had lied to you so well before and you blindly trusted him with all the love in your heart. But now you knew better.
Still, you played along.
“Oh, really?” You started cheekily, making him think you believed him. “Is it good?”
“Of course it’s good! Only the best for the best girl,” he said back with a small laugh. Your heart fluttered slightly at the fact that he was being so sweet and kind for the first time in a while.
Your smile quickly turned into a frown though when you remembered he was only being sweet because he was terrified of getting caught.
“I’ve got to go, Harry,” you said suddenly, starting to feel overwhelmed with emotion.
“What’s wrong?” He asked frantically, hearing the tone in your voice. He was scared you knew something.
“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong,” you whispered, laying down on the bed and clutching Harry’s pillow close. It smelt just like him and for a moment, you were reminded of all the times he would wake up earlier and snuggle close to you and your warmth, accidentally nudging you awake as he buried his face in your neck before falling back to blissful sleep. You would stroke his soft hair and lay your head upon his before falling back to sleep as well.
“Good night, Harry.” You hung up without your usual I love you and as your phone began to explode with confused, angry texts from Harry, you turned it off and slowly fell asleep with pain in your heart and tears in your eyes.
One month ago
When you woke up on your birthday, you didn’t expect much. Harry had been home on and off for a month and he was still as distant as ever. What has changed was you now being equally as distant, never showing your usual affection and love for him when he was home.
You could tell Harry was starting to get frustrated even though he hid it well but you couldn’t care less. You were tired of the constant crying and heart ache and after you saw the paparazzi pictures of Harry with the red head on two more separate occasions, you had hit your breaking point. As much as it pained you, you were a sitting duck as you wondered who would present the divorce papers first.
You climbed out of bed and walked down the the kitchen as you heard Harry singing to himself, becoming muffled as he climbed into the running shower. Normally, he would have softly woken you up with breakfast in bed and sweet kisses that slowly turned into passionate love making, but that doesn’t happen any more. He’s too busy making love to another girl as you waste away hoping he’ll come around and love you again.
You shook your head to forget your thoughts as you waited for your whole grain bagel to brown in the toaster, turning on the entertainment news. Instantly, your mood got even more sour as they reported Harry’s sightings with the mystery girl, what your thoughts were on the matter, and what this meant for your marriage.
“He’s a fucking arsehole! That’s what I think,” you muttered, grabbing the remote and turning off the television.
“Who’s an arsehole?” You heard the raspy, honey like voice that you used to adore enter the kitchen as your bagel popped out of the toaster. You gave him a small side eye as you slathered cream cheese on your breakfast, still waiting for the happy birthday from him. Hell, even kiss my ass would have sufficed at this point in time. Any feeling from him would have been a miracle.
“Nothing. Just another famous dick cheating on his wife. Thank god you’d never do that to me,” you mumbled, taking a large bite out of your bagel and almost spitting it out as you watched Harry’s face morph into pure guilt and panic before turning back to normal. You were surprised you saw the guilt in his eyes. If he felt so guilty about it, why did he continue doing it?
“Of course, darling. I could never do that to you. I love you too much,” he lied straight through his teeth for the millionth time, kissing your cheek as he passed you. You felt overwhelmed for a moment as the words I love you passed through his lips. It had been so long since you heard him say that, your knees almost went weak and gave out on you.
“So…” You trailed off, playing it normal like always as he sat as the bar and played on his phone. “What did you get me for my birthday, babe?” You asked cheekily, not realizing everything was about to change forever.
“Birthday present? I never got you a birthday present. Your birthday isn’t until…” He checked the date, his face going pale in realization as you froze at his words.
“Nothing, babe. I was buying your birthday present earlier today and the paparazzi caught me. Don’t look them up! I don’t want you to see!” The words echoed through your head as you caught his lie red handed. You swallow hard, slowly placing your bagel down and turning to face him, your expression hard as you try to fight off the tears.
“Oh shit… Babe,” he started to stand, not even realizing he just outed himself. “I’m so sorry! I’ll go buy you one now,” he started for the door but your next words made his entire world freeze.
“You already bought me a birthday present, remember?” You said so calmly, so sickeningly sweet that it sent chills down his spine.
“W-What?” He whispered softly, frightened as it clicks in his mind that he’s made a major mistake.
“You don’t remember? The day that you and that red head, that you’ve been fucking behind my back, went out and the paps got photos of you practically shagging in the streets?” By then, his face was pale as a ghost, eyes wide, and his breathing shallow. “You didn’t want me to see the photos, that I, of course, had already seen, so you made up some bullshit lie about my birthday present. Could’ve at least been smart enough to get one after lying, you arse.”
The fact that you were so emotionless, eyes blank, caused an inner panic attack to settle into Harry’s veins. He knew he messed up and he knew it was all about to cave in on him. All of his feelings hit him at once and he suddenly realized how badly he messed up. He knew he ruined the best thing that ever happened to him and he knew that he needed to suffer the consequences. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to fight though.
“Baby…” He took a step forward, his eyes watering with emotion as he sees his beloved wife staring him down with so much disappointment and hatred. He realized he hurt the only person who ever loved him for him and loved him with her entire heart. He hurt the one person who could never hurt him back. He knew he didn’t deserve her at all and should have cherished her forever, but instead he threw her away like trash, figuring she’d always be there, and went and gave his love, that belonged to her, away. “I am so sorry.”
“I want a divorce.”
The words that escaped your lips without warning was enough to make both yours and Harry’s knees go weak. If Harry hadn’t caught himself on the kitchen counter, he would have hit the floor. When he cheated on you, he thought you would never find out and he could have some fun on the side. He thought he’d always have you no matter what, that no matter what he did you loved him so much that you’d never leave him. He realized just how much he had treated you badly and how there’s was barely any chance of you staying with him.
“N-no,” he shook his head, his mind reeling that his love, the one he forgot how much he adored her, was leaving him. “I won’t let you.”
“If you’re worried I’m going to take all your money because you didn’t let your managers make me sign a prenup, then stop thinking that. I’m not like that. I’m not a gold digger like the fans and you believe,” Harry winced at that, remembering how he accused you so harshly that one time in the past. “I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t want anything of yours, your money, the house, your cars, nothing. I just want to be away from you and happy again,” you spoke with such certainty that Harry wondered how long you’ve been thinking this.
“B-but why?! Why can’t we just work this out? We all make mistakes, baby! I’ll go to therapy or counseling! Anything! Just please, please don’t leave me,” he pleaded as you shook your head, tears pooling in your eyes as you make up your mind completely.
This is it.
“No, Harry. I’m tired of my love for you being wasted. I’m tired of you constantly throwing away everything we’ve done. We’re getting a divorce.”