my home decor

Double lives

Does anyone here feel like they are living double lives? I really pride myself on my cookie cutter Martha Stewart image, which isn’t all just an act. I really do love my job because i get to be around the elderly & care for them. I love to cook, organize, decorate my home, & I could spend all day reading a good book. My other half is more like a porn star, & that’s actually very close to the truth since I also run a porn blog on here with my husband where I post our own stuff. I love sex… dirty, kinky, wild sex… I love to show my husband off, very much enjoy having threesomes or messing around with other couples, especially all while spun out of my mind. Even though I am an adult, there is still much I hide from my family and friends. I can only imagine what they would think if they knew I consider myself bi-sexual? This may be why I tend to overshare with my few friends that are aware of my extracurriculars. I bottle so much of myself away, I get excited when I can let stuff out.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Looking back, I can’t remember the truth. I blew everything out of proportion so I could feel the hurt and betrayal and write about it in vivid detail. It was my own method of torture. My own undoing; and I enjoyed every second of it.
—  c.j.n.