my heart was ripped from my chest

a feeling in my chest
screaming screaming screaming
twisting and turning and churning
with something unknown
of unknown intensity
twisting and turning and burning
from fingertips to toes
through my nervous system
all is infected
and i just can’t figure out what it is i feel
just that it is too much
and it hurts
and it breaks my heart
—  im in love with a god and he loves me too / but gods and mortals arent meant to be together
2

Remember the white dress I wore all through that film? George came up to me the first day of filming, took one look at the dress and said: “You can’t wear a bra under that dress.” “Ok, I’ll bite,” I said. “Why?” And he said: “Because… there’s no underwear in space.” He said it with such conviction. Like he had been to space and looked around and he didn’t see any bras or panties anywhere. He explained. “You go into space and you become weightless. Then your body expands but your bra doesn’t, so you get strangled by your own underwear.” I think that this would make for a fantastic obituary. I tell my younger friends that no matter how I go, I want it reported that I drowned in moonlight, strangled by my own bra.

i. I miss you. Each day that you’re gone feels like a bullet in my chest. I’ve spent too many nights clawing open the wound that you left, now I’m sure it’s never going to heal.

ii. I’m sorry for pushing you away. Each day that you’re gone feels like I’ve lived and died a thousand times. Every star screams out for you, to come back, to come home.

iii. The infection in my heart is spreading. Each day that you’re gone feels like my bones are splintering. Ten thousand fragments entering my bloodstream, ripping my veins open from the inside out.

iv. I’ve spent the last week scratching open my throat. Each day that your gone feels like my skin is cracking open. The words that have died in my mouth are trying to shatter my teeth and tear open my lips, just to reach you again.

v. The sun doesn’t seem to want to rise today. Each day that you’ve been gone hurts more than the next. The moon doesn’t want to stay in the sky, it wants to rip a hole in space and time and slip away from reality. It would seem I do as well.

—  4-00am-thought 

I’m keeping my mouth shut
I swear I won’t talk for days
Because if someone ripped open my throat
And broke apart my chest
I swear the only thing I could do
is scream,
“IM HURTING IM HURTING IM FUCKING HURTING”

So I’m keeping my mouth shut
Because mom told me no one wants to hear about my pain
And you left the room when I started crying
and you didn’t come back in the morning

So I’m keeping my fucking mouth shut

Take me to the ER if you see all the blood seeping out of my heart
from being held together too tightly

Tell them it’s been broken apart
And that I swear I tried to keep it together

—  I hope you have to read about it in the newspapers
I didn’t know that it was possible to grieve someone who’s still alive.
—  I’m not being dramatic it’s just that missing you is like ripping my heart from my chest
I became so good at shutting out the pain that I don’t expect the blow when it comes, knocking the air from my chest and me off my feet. It’s weird and ironic how your absence somehow feels like a constant presence, not like a missing limb or a hole in my heart but like a dark cloud hovering over me, reminding me that you’re gone every time it breaks apart and douses me in ice cold raindrops. When I reach for you, my fingers only close around air and somehow it gets worse every time I understand anew that you won’t come back, not now, not tomorrow, not in a week, not next Christmas. Not ever. And it hurts. It hurts so goddamn much, like nothing else I have experienced in my life and I allow myself to grieve, I allow myself to cry, I allow myself to scream and doubt the world and life and death and love. There’s something I keep telling myself. I’ll be okay I’ll be okay I’ll be okay. But right now I need ten minutes for myself. Ten minutes to wipe away the tears and remember you, remember the sunshine that spilled from your laughter, the galaxies that grew in your mind and the flowers that bloomed beneath your touch. Has it been four days or four years since you left? I moved on, I swear I did, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be bad on some days. It doesn’t mean I can’t miss you. Because I do. Every single day.
—  Wish you were here
n.j.
“i fought it for so damn long,” she says. “i tried so hard to not love you, but then you smiled, and i almost ripped my heart out of my chest and placed it in your hands”.
You fall too fast too quick they say
But who are they to tell you how to feel
How to love
How to care
I was taught from a young age that if I don’t give love what’s the point of living
I held that close to me as a I grew up
Loving everyone and everything to come my way
Because maybe just maybe if I loved them they would go and share love with others
But life doesn’t work that way
I fell in love with people who didn’t love me
Who didn’t care
Who barely batted an eye as they ripped my heart from chest leaving it hollow, smirking as they carelessly dropped it when they left shattering what I thought was my biggest asset in life
My mom didn’t warn me of that
She didn’t warn me of those who would do anything in their power to steal the happiness from your very own skeleton to fill the empty holes in theirs
But still
I loved
I loved with everything I had left in me
Until there was nothing left
Maybe that’s why I feel so empty
Because I gave all I could to get nothing in return
My mom said just wait, someone will come and fill you back up
But mom don’t you see that’s not how life works
I think I finally figured it out
You give love and sometimes you don’t get it back
But when you feel empty no one can fill those crevices in your aching body besides you
You are your own greatest love
So continue to spread love
But never forget to love yourself
3

It’s taking a lot from me to keep myself from breaking down right now, you guys! I am not even kidding!

That look on JK’s face is ripping my heart into a million pieces and scattering them all over the place in my chest! Remember when he used to push JM away when he attempts or teases to kiss him?! But now, he’s completely relaxed and just seemingly melting to JM’s touch and that would-be kiss! He (JK) looks so familiar with and welcoming about it!

I don’t even know now if I should be asking for more moments like these for us to be cherish or hope that they would calm down more so all of us faint-hearted JiK/KM shippers can have time to relax! 😭😭😭

:: photos taken from twitter ::

2

FUCK THAT! I TAKE MY RAGE AND MY SORROW AND MY HATE IN THE SAME HAND AS MY LOVE AND MY JOY AND MY LAUGHTER.

ONLY BLIND-EYES SMILE ALL THE TIME. STAYING HAPPY IS A LIE SOLD TO YOU BY BRIGHT-WHITE-SUITS AND FAKE-FACES ON THE TV SCREEN!!!!!!!

I DON’T STAY HAPPY. I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO STAY HAPPY. THE ONLY THING SEPARATING US FROM THEM IS HOW WE FUCKING FEEL WHATEVER CLAWS ITS WAY OUT OF OUR HEARTS, HOW WE DON’T WANT MASS-MANUFACTURED EMOTIONS AND INDIVIDUALLY PACKAGED SMILES. WE WILL SCREAM AND WE WILL CRY UNTIL WE WANT TO RIP OUR HEARTS OUT OF OUR FUCKING CHESTS– BUT I WILL NEVER LET THEM FORCE ARTIFICIALLY SWEETENED CONTENTMENT DOWN MY THROAT!!!!! FUCK THAT!!!!!!!!!!

A Nightmare All Too Real

Masterlist

Pairing: Theo x Reader

Summary: Could you do a Theo imagine about that scene in 6x07 where his sister keeps pulling out his heart and the last time he wakes up she pulls y/n’s heart out? sorry for my bad English, English is not my first language.

Side Note: Sorry that this is short x


Theo’s POV

I was in Beacon Hills Hospital coming out of the morgue trying to find a way out. I could hear her calling my name, running faster I turned to see her crawling towards me. Grabbing my legs from under me, I pleaded that she didn’t have to do this but it was no use. Reaching into my chest she pulled out my heart….

Back again, only this time I tried to go for the doors, pushing as hard as I could they were locked. Turned around and without warning she ripped out my heart again. The same thing kept on happening, running from my dead sister, only to get my heart torn from my chest. I lost count how many times I repeated the same old thing, in fact living through that when I was down in hell was bad enough. Now it had literally crept in my dreams too.

Walking down the hospital hallway, I saw my sister standing there. “You don’t have to stop”, I mumbled to her with tears in my eyes. Something about this was different and when she moved to the side Y/N was laying down on the ground. “No!”, I yelled as I watched the girl I love get her heart ripped out of her body.

Shooting up in a cold sweat, I frantically looked beside me and there Y/N was completely safe. “Theo?”, she mumbled tossing back around, rubbing her eyes to help them adjust. “Are you okay, baby you’re shaking”. She sounded worried and turned on the lamp, I hadn’t even noticed that my hands were in fact shaking. Y/N placed her hand onto mine and I held on for dear life. “I just had a nightmare”, I told her kissing the top of her forehead.

She looked at me with so much love, something that I hadn’t experienced in a while. God I missed her eyes, I missed her. Y/N was the only person in this entire world that knew how to keep me sane. “Was it the same one, about your sister?”. The moment I heard her say it, my body froze. I kept envisioning Y/N’s lifeless body on the cold hospital floor….it made me feel sick. “Yeah, expect-”. I hesitated. “Expect what?, Theo your starting to scare me. What else happened in your dream?”. I could sense that her emotions were all over the place, that’s something we had in common right now.

Laying down against the pillow, she snuggled closer to me. I just needed to hold her, I needed to feel content and safe. “Theo?”, I heard her whisper. “You don’t want to know baby, let’s just try and get some sleep”. I went to reach for the lamp, but Y/N pulled back my arm. “No, were not going to keep things from each other again. I lost you once, I’m not going to go through that again. Whatever happened, you can tell me”. She lifted my chin so our eyes met, I breathed heavily and pulled her onto my lap. “It was the same dream where my sister kept on ripping out my heart, expect the last time I got out of the morgue she ripped out yours instead”.

Her body tensed and I saw the fear in her eyes. Pushing back a strand of her hair with my left hand as I rested my right on her waist. “Hey babygirl, look at me”, she slowly focused her gaze on me. “It was just a dream and I won’t ever let anyone hurt you. Do you hear me? I love you”. I knew her too well so when she gave me a smile, I could see that it wasn’t completely genuine. Y/N was still scared and probably imagining what my dream looked like. “I love you too. I’m so glad your back”. She kissed me with so much passion that I forgot what that felt like, until now. “No-one is going to take you away from me again. Not your sister, or Liam or even Scott. I’m not going to let you go back to that hell Theo, I don’t care what I have to do, your staying right here….Please don’t leave me again”. Her voice cracked and I pulled her back for another long, lasting kiss.

“I’m not going anywhere. Babygirl I will never leave you again”. She smiled through the tears, climbed off my lap and cuddled closer to my side, our bodies wanting to be as close to each other as possible. I stroked her back and sensed her heartbeat was steadying and saw Y/N’s eyes gently close.

Before I turned off the light, I just stared down at Y/N who changed my life. And now that I was back, I was going to do everything in my power to protect the girl I love.

WARNING, never play the ‘thought for a thought game’

Taking inspiration from Feyre and Rhysand’s game from A Court of Mist and Fury my guy friend and I were bored so over Skype we played this game. THIS RUINED MY HEART.
If you ever decide to play this game  a) be prepared for a new boyfriend b) be prepared for a best friend or c) be prepared for your heart to be ripped out of your chest and shredded to pieces for everyone to see. THIS GAME IS DEEP

Darkness of Assassins

He fell to his knees. He pressed his hand to his heart, desperately hoping the pitifully insane action would keep it from being ripped from his chest.

Aylina. My mate.

He reached in his core being for the bond that had tied them together for centuries. Gone. Tears broke from his eyes knowing.

Aylina. My mate. My mate.

He reached with his Daemati powers, searching for her familiar signature. The love that exuded from her. The love that kept him from being a true nightmare. Silence.

Aylina. My mate. My mate. My mate.

The pain was too much, he couldn’t breathe. Who was shaking the mountain? Who was roaring? Are they under attack?  

Rhysand? Selene? His voice was weak, pleading. Let them be alive. Mother, please let them be alive.

An alerted voice responded, What’s wrong?

Aylina.

The bridge between them still. Both sides silent. Each reaching with their entire beings, accessing, hoping.

We’ll find them.

He wanted to stop him, wanted to stop his son before he found what he knew would be carnage.


They stood as shadows radiating the darkness of assassins. The heavy scent of roses assaulted their senses. A scent that was once considered pleasant, now reminded them of blood, of death, of innocence loss. Their work would be cruel and quiet.

He followed the fading scent.

Aylina. My mate. Selene. My moon.

He intended to only kill the cruel High Lord disguised in roses. When he saw him peacefully sleeping, he instead unleashed a cruel nightmare, the nightmare that was now his reality. He stab the Lady of Spring. He let the pain of losing a mate wash over the cruel High Lord. He let the pain absorb before he misted his heart.

Aylina. My mate.

His son stood before him shocked. This was not the type of men they were to be, they were to be men of dreams not of nightmares. His son pleaded for the blood shed to stop.

Aylina. My mate. My mate.

There was nothing left of him, nothing left for him. The dreams had left him, the world had finally mercilessly broke him.

Aylina. My mate. My mate. My mate.

He knew the killing blow was coming. He stared at his son with a dreamer’s soul. His son was the High Lord Prythian needed, a dreamer and with that final thought he welcomed death’s final blow.

Aylina.

You are looking at me with such anger
such pain and disbelief
that I forget why I came here
I forget that I came to convince of my way


How is it that you have almost become a stranger
How is it that I can read every emotion on your face
yet not remember how to calm you down


So I say, voice wavering
“I need you" 


and you reply, tears in your eyes
"You left me”


oh god, oh god, oh god


I broke you
fuck, shit, 
I broke you, I betrayed you, I let you carry this alone


Yet you can’t bear to watch me break so you take me by the hand
but then I ruin it,
I say words that have a different connotation for you now


You shatter my heart to pieces and then I rip mine from my chest
Just as I plunge a knife into yours


we lay scattered on the ground,
each of us leaving something with the other 
and when we return to where we came before


before we broke, and cried and a strong part of us died
we run from the pieces that other one tore