my heart split in two

Shout out to running and the strength I had to believe I had when I questioned myself. Little bit of a vent. This semester has been one I’ve been incredibly proud of. Every time I thought things couldn’t get worse last semester, they did, just one thing after another, 2015 and 2016 were really tough years. Like…yes there was a lot of good but if I’m being honest, there was a lot of heartbreak…a lot of disappointment and frustration and helplessness in a lot of parts of my life. Those years are normal and as cliche as it sounds, I am so much better for it. I found parts of myself I lost along the way. 2017 has been one where I promised myself I’d pour all of my energy only into things and people that I knew would be there for me in return. I made a post after a break-up that split my heart in two a few months ago of my running shoes saying, “When everything hurts, run,” so that’s what I decided to do back in November, after the most horrible XC season of my life, after horribly disappointing things about friendships, after feeling like my body was failing me, after having my heart split in the most aching way, I decided to listen to my body and gut feeling and the universe and signs from God, I decided to pour everything I had into running and running has loved me back for it, I decided to stop worrying about things I couldn’t control and I saw how amazing it made things unfold. Tonight after a long, wonderful track meet, my heart hurts because…after I run really hard, I always get so emotional? Like? Running I love you, you have been there for me when people left…when everything hurts…I put my shoes on and I run and run and run because in the words of Scott Jurek, “I ran because overcoming the difficulties of running reminded me that I could overcome the difficulties of life, and that overcoming difficulties was life.”

More Than Words

It’s been like a month or something like that since I last posted oops. I don’t know if I should start a series or like is that too early lmao? I’ve actually been really busy lately so I honestly don’t know if I would have time to write one. Also I’ve been really into SKAM like sorry about it. Also I’m crying this gif is the scene 


Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Bias x Reader 

Word Count: 893

Summary: This is pretty much based off one of my favorite scenes in SKAM when Noora’s singing to William, but you can imagine it’s you singing to your crush (bias) for the first time ;) Also you and your bias have a weird kind of relationship where he makes it clear he’s in love with you and you try to make yourself as hard to get as possible. Y/B= Your Bias

Originally posted by reginaphalangephalange

You looked around his trashed apartment seeing all the alcohol bottles, cans, tins, you name it, it was probably somewhere in his place. Parties were never really your scene, but your friends desperately wanted you to come because they knew about your thing with Y/B. They shipped you two so hard it was kind of weird how much they could care about your love life more than their own. 

Well sometime during the party one of his neighbors called the police and the party had to come to an end. You weren’t going to deny it, it was hella fun and you and Y/B had been kind of flirting the entire time. 

It made you sick how much he could make your heart race from just one look, but you knew you couldn’t fall for him because he was after all, a player. He basically brought a new girl home with him every night, practically slept with all of the girls in your grade (besides you and your friends of course). 

You didn’t leave his apartment after the police came though, you had no ride and you were not motivated to walk all the home, so what was the point is trying to leave with the rest of the crowd? So you stayed behind and wandered his living room, walking around mindlessly not knowing if he was even going to find you in there. Well he did and let’s just say he looked even better than he did 10 minutes ago, if that was even possible?

“Why didn’t you leave with the rest?” he questioned after stumbling upon your small figure. 

“I-I had no ride and wasn’t about to walk 3 miles so..Er..Do you mind if I crash here tonight?” you squeaked out. 

“That’s fine, as long as you make it a habit to sleep here every time you come to one of my parties,” he replied with a sly smirk. 

After that cheeky remark you couldn’t really retort because you knew if you did you were ending up in his bed tonight, and you couldn’t let this happen. 

Player Y/N. Remember he’s a player. He only wants you for sex. Don’t fall for his stupid mind games.

It took you a few seconds to realize he was no longer in front of you and had moved to the couch while you were desperately trying to calm yourself down. You watched him for a second as he picked up the guitar next to the couch you hadn’t noticed before. 

“You any good?” you asked him sincerely. 

“You could say that, but even if I wasn’t I’d still be better than you.” he replied with that same sly smirk on his undoubtedly hot face. 

“Excuse you, Sir. I happen to be pretty good if I may say so myself.” you huffed, reaching for the guitar that he hadn’t even strummed a note on yet.

You quickly cracked your knuckles and strummed a couple notes before you looked at him and returned a smirk, “I bet you play guitar for all the girls you take to bed with you, right?”

He just shook his head and chuckled at you before moving to the window to light up a smoke. 

You could tell he was unsure of your actual abilities on guitar, so this was your moment to prove him wrong and rub it in his face.

You started to play the first chords to a song your grandmother used to play for you when you were a kid. You admit you were a little nervous to sing in front of this boy who had probably seen and heard talent from all sorts of girls. What makes you think you’re so special that he would bother listening?

Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you. 

At those first lyrics he stared intently at you smiling like a fool. Point Y/N.

It’s not that I want you, not to say but if you only knew, how easy it would be to show me how you feel…

By now it was a battle of who would break eye contact first and you sang to him with a voice as sweet as sugar.

More than words is all you need to do to make it real. Then you wouldn’t have to say, that you love me. 

Not even a breath could be heard from the boy that stood across from you as he threw his cigarette out the window.

Cause I’d already know. What would you do, if my heart was torn in two? 

His face faltered for a split second.

More than words to show you feel. That your love for me is real.

He leans forward.

What would you say? If I took those words away? And you couldn’t make things new…

He inches towards you.

Just by saying I love you.

He takes the guitar from your hands and cups your face in his hands so gently like he would ruin you if he held you any harder.

“Why must you make me fall for you even more?” he mutters so faintly.

“I-” he cuts you off by pressing his lips to yours for a sweet and passionate kiss.

This time it was hard to hold yourself back when he indeed showed his love with more than just words.

anonymous asked:

9+41 moriel pls bless us w an angsty fic about my two loves and break my heart

Hi nonnie, I decided to split these two up rather than do them together, though who knows WHY, considering the angst is killing me. The other will be along shortly. I took inspiration from the time that Mor tells Feyre she could peel off her clothes in front of Azriel and he would do nothing. I always wondered how she would know… well, here it is. Also, everyone blame nonnie, not me, okay?

Prompt: “screw you”

******

When Morrigan wanders into Azriel’s room, she is at the end of her tether. She has been thinking of this moment for months, longer, and she has finally decided that she is tired of waiting for him. She considers knocking on the door, but her courage will only last for so long, so she accepts that this will be a dramatic entrance. As she enters his room unannounced, she hopes it will be a fitting beginning, rather than an awkward footnote in their long, complicated history.

Azriel is walking out of his bathroom, clearly getting ready for bed when she bursts in. He looks up at her, startled to see her in his room.

“Mor, is something wrong?” He looks at her flushed face and steps towards her, reaching for her to guide her to a seat.

“Hi, Az. Nothing is wrong,” she says, slipping out of his grip. She begins pacing across his floor but stops herself. He looks at her, questioning. She is wearing a different dress from the one she’d had on at dinner, and he wonders why she changed before coming to see him. This is one of his favorites, though he doesn’t think he has ever told her that. The blue makes her hair look nearly gold, and as she moves the fabric swishes around her long legs.

She takes a breath, calming herself before she speaks or takes another step. Mor has been thinking about this moment for so long that her muscles are taut, her movements sharp yet barely controlled.

When she begins speaking, she has to begin again, her voice catching in her throat. “Az, I need to say some things to you.” He sits on the bed and, taking that as a sign of acquiescence, she continues. “Azriel, I think you have feelings for me. And I have feelings for you. It has been ages since…” she pauses, unsure of how to bring up the weeks after they met, after she had been with Cassian and then Azriel had found her in the Autumn Court. It has been 100 years, although sometimes the wounds feel fresh.

She gestures behind herself impatiently, and he nods, letting her sidestep discussion that she is not here for, that they have already had a dozen times. In the months after, while she healed with him by her side, she had explained everything to him. He had already known, of course - there were few in the Night Court or the Court of Nightmares who didn’t know what had been done to Morrigan, and why - but it had taken him a while to accept her choice. Even if he lives with the consequences of her choice, continues to help her heal, every day.

Now that they are at a place of relative peace, she has decided to see if they could work, if he could accept her after everything. But there are factors she hasn’t counted on, old wounds that have nothing to do with her. These wounds will eat away at her, though they aren’t hers, because they are a part of him.

“Azriel, I just want… I want to be with you.” She has finally stopped fidgeting and looks him in the eye with her last words, something like hope and fear mixed in her expression.

He stares at her, sitting across the room in nothing but a towel around his waist, and he feels exposed in a way that he hadn’t when she walked in.

She removes the top of her dress, pulling her arms through the straps while he watches. His breath hitches audibly and he remains where he is, across the room from her. She can sense that he wants her, wants her to continue, and she maintains eye contact with him while she pushes the dress over her hips, leaving her in scraps of lace that leave nothing to the imagination.

She is making a choice now; not only to be with him, but to give him everything. They have seen each other through what are surely the worst moments of their lives, and she is hoping to be with him for the best. If only he would stop staring at her like that, if only he would move…

“Mor, I can’t,” he finally manages to get out. She freezes, horrified that he waited so long, that he has let her get this far without saying anything, without stopping her. She is standing in front of him with 100 years of history and heartbreak and joy, and while he looks for all the world like he wants her, he is saying no.

“Mor, I’m so sorry.” He is trying to find words, and he is afraid that the suddenness of her actions has prompted an uncharacteristic spontaneity in himself that he wants to control. “You’re right. I do care for you. More than you will probably ever know.”

He stands and moves towards her. Mistaking his intentions she reaches for him, but he holds her at arm’s length.

“Don’t be angry, Mor. I will always want you. But I can’t. You don’t understand what I am, who I am…” he trails off helplessly, wishing she would understand without him having to explain it.

She knows about his family, what they did to him. But he can’t help but wonder if she refuses to see what they turned him into. He saved her because he loved her, because he was raging that someone could lay their hands on her in that way. He thinks that might be the extent of goodness in him, that everything decent and worthy in him comes from her. And he can’t drag her into the darkness that makes up his dreams, his nightmares.

She searches his face, looking for clues that he will change his mind, that he hasn’t just watched her strip and bare her soul, only to reject her. When she sees no sign that he will move, her expression becomes hard. Shame and anger and heartbreak are creating a reservoir in her, one she doesn’t see the bottom of.

“Spare me the excuses, Az. I’ve known you for a long time. I know you better than anyone. If you don’t really want me, please tell me. Please, just… tell me.” Her chin has begun quivering with the effort of maintaining her composure and he stops himself from reaching for her.

“I love you, Mor. But you don’t want me,” he says, wishing he could say something, anything, to keep from hurting her. “There are things about me that you don’t see. You think you see all of me, but you can’t. If you did, you wouldn’t be asking me this right now.”

“Don’t tell me what I want. You want to act like I don’t know, like you’ve really managed to keep yourself hidden from me all these years… like I don’t know who you are? What you are? I told you, I know better than anyone.” She wipes at her cheek angrily as tears begin to fall uncontrollably. She isn’t even sobbing, her breath is even, but somehow the tears keep coming.

He reaches up to brush her cheek, but she pulls away with a jerk.

“Screw you, Azriel,” she whispers, leaving the door open as she goes back to her own room.

She has left her dress on the floor of his room, and he waits a moment before he leans to pick it up. He pulls at the fabric between his hands, the beading catching on his callouses. He runs his fingers over the material as if he could recall the woman who had just been in it, bring her back to him and make it right.

With a sigh, he closes his bedroom door.

****

Prompt requests - as you can tell, I am quite busy. Any requests coming in these days will probably take a good couple of weeks, tbh.

My promises last a lifetime: a Anakin x Reader imagine.

Requested: Yes and one of my favs to write!

Summary: Anakin makes a promise he intends to keep even after all these years of not seeing the reader. 

A/N: Hello! I am back and writing tons of requests! I’m sorry they are taking so long :(


It’s been ten years since I’ve last seen my Mother. It’s been three years since I’ve last seen Y/N. But it’s been ten years to her. How? Well I saw Y/N; she didn’t see me. I was on a mission to Coruscant with Master Kenobi when I passed by her. She was with her slave Master. I never would have recognized her if it wasn’t for the sense of nostalgia I felt when I was close by her. I even had to do a double take. She looked the same, yet so different. She was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Well then I ever DID imagine. There isn’t a day that has gone by that I haven’t thought of Y/N and my Mother. And now on my way back to Tatooine because of a distress call I received by my Mother’s new husband; Y/N and my Mother are all that I can think about. 

Y/N and I grew up on Tatooine together. Well up until I was eight. Our slave Masters worked and lived next to each other. Thus making us work and live next to each other. Y/N and I did absolutely everything together until I left to become a Jedi with Qui-Gon and Master Kenobi. She and I even got “married”. We both knew it was not real or official. We knew we were not old enough to be actually married. And The Justice of the Peace can certainly not be a snail creature we found on the ground. But it was my way of promising her I would ask her to marry me when we grow older. Mother told me to marry my best friend. And Y/N was at the time. Technically she still is considering I don’t talk to anyone else except the Jedi Council and Master Kenobi. Even Obi-Wan doesn’t really KNOW me. The only two people who do are My Mother and Y/N. And that promise of marrying my best friend is still a promise I intend to keep. Once I get my Mother, I’m freeing Y/N too. And I’m marrying that girl. Because I can still tell she is the same girl I use to tell my biggest passions and dreams to. I saw it when I looked into her eyes three years ago. 

-

“Master Anakin! It is so great to see you!” C-3PO exclaims, greeting me. I haven’t seen this droid since I was eight. He looks very well put together with his silver body and bright glowing button eyes. When left he wasn’t anything except wires. 

“And you 3PO. Now can you please direct me to my Mother?” C-3PO puts his head down slightly.

“I suppose we uh- better go inside. This way Master Anakin,” he leads me to the inside of a sand house. One similar to what I use to live in with my Mother before I was freed. I follow him down a staircase to the main entrance of the house. C-3PO stops as soon as we get down the stairs. I look in front of him to see a guy who looks about my age maybe a couple years older.

“I figured you would come sometime soon. Owen Lars. I’m your step brother. This is my girlfriend Beru,” the guy with the light, brown hair greets me, holding out his hand for me to shake. I’m only here for my Mother. I’m not here to greet the entire house. 

“My Mother. I received a distress signal from here about her. Is she-,”

“Owen, your father is asking- Anakin?” Y/N comes from another room in the house. Her face is written of utter shock.

“Y/N?! What are you doing here?” I ask jumping off the stairs, bringing her into a hug. She hugs me back even tighter. She is still amazing at hugs.

“Anakin, it’s so great to see you! I help out around the house here when the Lars need it. What are you doing back on this sand pile?”

“I received a distress signal a couple days ago and rushed over. I am here for my Mother,” I tell her. The light in Y/N’s eyes dim. And a wave of sadness takes its place. I am sensing something terrible has happen to my Mother.

“Ani, she was taken over a month ago. That distress signal was also sent over a month ago. It must of now gotten to your base. I’m so sorry but she’s gone. It was the sand people, Ani, they got to her before we could. You know how horrible those sand people are,” I stare at the ground, processing everything Y/N is saying. 

“A month you say?” Y/N nods. I begin walking back towards the stairs before my thoughts are interrupted by Y/N’s voice.

“Ani, where are you going?” 

“To find my Mother.”

-

Hatred. That’s all I can feel right now. Not even the sadness of my Mother’s death. I keep replaying the scene of the life being taken out of her right in my arms.

“I am complete now, Ani.”

Then the glowing life that was my Mother, falls dead in my arms. I slaughtered that whole village. Every last one of them. Dead. Gone. Never to feel again. And I don’t feel any guilt. None whatsoever. 

-

Driving on the my speeder. My dead Mother rapped in my robe. Not a sane thought going through my mind. I am starting to feel my heart split into two. If you can die from a broken heart. This will be the way I go. I should have never went away. I should have never became a Jedi. I had one job; protect my Mother. And I couldn’t even do that. Now how could I be a loving husband and raise a family? I can’t even protect one person. How am I supposed to protect a whole family? 

“Never break a promise, Ani. If you don’t think you’ll be able to keep it, don’t make it. That’s one of the worst things you could ever do.”

-

I can see the Lars household. All of the lights are still on. They must be waiting for my arrival thinking my Mother is still alive. I wish I could give them the arrival that have been anticipating. 

Parking my speeder everyone in the house comes out in a rush; hopeful faces eager to see if I have came back with my Mother alive. Grabbing my Mother’s body from off the back of the speeder. Their faces fall. I can hear Y/N weep. 

-

“Shmi, my love, you were the best wife a man could ever ask for,” Mr. Lars, my step-father says in respects to my Mother. We have buried her body close by the house with a headstone in honor of her. I walk up the the stone then drop to my knees. Fresh tears dare to escape my eyes.

“I’m sorry Mother. I couldn’t save you in time.” I bring my hands up to my eyes, covering them. This is pathetic. Jedi’s don’t cry. I feel a petite hand squeeze my shoulder. I look up to see Y/N’s eyes. Glossy and red. She still looks so stunning when she cries. She helps me up, bringing our hands together. I lean down putting my head on her shoulder.

“It hurts, Y/N, it hurts so much. I don’t know how to make it stop.” I cry. I can feel her shake her head.

“Stop trying to hide your emotions all the time Anakin. It’s okay to feel,” my heart begins to thump at her comforting words. I bring my head up to look into her eyes. I stare at her. Taking in everything. She is who my Mother would have wanted me to be with. She is who I want to be with. I want her to be the Mother of my kids. 

“Marry me,” Y/N looks at me confused.

“What?”

“When we were six years old we had a wedding. That was my promise to you that we would get married. My Mother told me to never go back on promises. So I am saying to you Y/N, that my promises last a lifetime. And I am telling you right here right now that I want you to be my wife. I want to free you and protect you better than I did my Mother. Marry me,” Y/N looks into my eyes. I can feel the love radiating off of her skin as her thumbs trace circles on my hands. She brings her lips to mine. My body becomes numb. The feelings becoming too much for me to handle. My skin is burning just waiting to touch and hold her. To be able to call her mine. 

“I have loved you since we were six years old Anakin Skywalker. And even though I have not seen you in ten years; I thought you would never ask.” 

tbh I love that Bull calls the inquisitor ‘kadan’ before you give him the necklace. 

He says it during the tavern scene after the first dragonslaying if you have the romance initiated at that point. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a way to get a dragon’s tooth without killing one yourself. So that scene always comes before the “tough love” quest scene. 

Maybe this was an oversight by the writers, but I really love the idea that it just slipped out while the two of them were drinking. Like he’s already got it bad for the inquisitor before they give him the necklace. 

The last few years
Have been an ongoing exercise
In determining what really keeps me breathing
Realizing that the assured safety of a warm hearth
Doesn’t make my pulse race
And understanding how easily distracted I am
By the promise of adventure
Writing the definition of “need”
With a pen full of my own blood
And willingly sacrificing myself for the answers

But I’m no stranger to fear
And when the time finally came
To unmoor this ship and set sail
I couldn’t bring myself to stray far from shore
So I compromised
Splitting my heart cleanly in two
Equal halves given in tribute
To a girl who had sheltered me in her bones like home
And a girl who loved me like an animal caught in an electric fence
Balancing my existence in the space between them
Knowing that it couldn’t last forever
But settling for the tenuous existence
Of counting the seconds until Armageddon
And praying every night that I could make it until morning

But some things are sudden and inevitable
And in the space of only a few days
They were both gone
And everyone knows I’m an optimist
That I don’t like giving up hope
But that emptiness is beginning to resemble forever
And how do you recover from that?

They were the closest thing I had to foundation
The constants that kept my fragile architecture from collapse
And this gasping void that remained in my chest
Left my heart without structure
Nothing remained that was solid or stable or strong
So how could I even begin to build a home here
Capable of sheltering anything vulnerable?
How could I ever again call this body a sanctuary
If I didn’t even know how to protect myself?

So I found a way to make giving up look like growth
Hiding behind the chill of therapy and bottles of pills
And after a while I got used to the cold
Once the numbness sets in it’s really not so bad
Eventually you just stop bothering to look for warmth
Winter is a slow death but at least it’s relatively painless
And after the monotonous press of darkness
It almost felt welcoming

But sometimes these things aren’t so predictable
And despite all of the locks I had placed on my front door
In a hopeless attempt to keep the past from repeating itself
I suddenly found a girl standing in my living room
With eyes the color of the still sky after a hurricane
When you come up from below deck
And the silence of sunrise gives you hope

I know this sounds cliche
But she was nothing like I had expected
A combination of opposing forces
That I never dared to imagine was possible
Hard and soft in all the right places
Quick wit and gentle hands
And a body that melts so easily into mine
But tempered with a delicious darkness
A sea of secrets sitting just beneath the surface
Sharpened and sure and drenched in promise

And something about pressing her flint to my steel
Created a spark that finally found a way
To cut through that biting chill
Igniting all of those dead parts inside of me
Like underbrush in a California summer wildfire
Burning so hot and fast and uncontrollable
That even though it threatened destruction
For once, I didn’t have the time to think twice
Sometimes the choice doesn’t lie between safety and electricity
Sometimes the choice is as simple as letting yourself catch flame
So I walked into that inferno with my head held high and determined
Because I heard a story once
That there are whole forests built from trees
Who need to burn to the ground in order to grow again
And after so many months of relentless Winter
Her heat is starting to feel a lot like rebirth

—  Pyriscence by Jessy Hudson
4

I finished my heartbreak story.

I was wrong.

8/30/16- It’s been 11 months and I still ache. I thought I was better and fixed but now I’m laying in bed trying not to text him and ask him what the fuck went wrong and why he hurt me. I’m in fake love with the first boy I’ve felt close to since him and I feel sick. Heart break lasts a long time.

10/12/16- 7 days until the one year anniversary of my heart being split into two and I’m crying in my bed wondering why you stopped loving me. 1/19/16 i’m in love again with someone new that isn’t you and i think i love him more than i ever loved you

Just a piece of my conversations…
I love Bianca…

My vacant heart
How is it that you split in two parts
I’m checking in to reminisce
A roller coaster ride in the dark
To places I don’t want to go

Parachutes to break my fall
Tangled up in deeper thought
Makes falling faster
I’m falling faster

I found you inside of a dream
Spinning in circles magically
Took a picture of your eyes
So I could find my empty mind

Wield Lightning to Split the Sun
Primordial
Wield Lightning to Split the Sun

Let the animal hunt on the mountainside

And let lightening split my heart in two

Let me howl at the moon with desire

And stretch my arms wide to embrace the sun

Return to the earth that bore me

For there is nothing more

Everything reminds me of you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t know my actions were so destructive until I felt them from myself. They ripped through my body and split my heart in two. One half is in me, barely beating. The other half is talking in your room, singing in your passenger seat, laughing in your kitchen.

You are late nights and early mornings. I see you in every photograph. You are swimming in my tea and dancing in my pasta. I loved you, I loved you, I love you.

It was two years and you didn’t have any pictures of me in your room. When I left you put everything I gave to you on the floor of your closet, turned off the light, and shut the door.

I sit here in the dark. I can hear you laughing on the other side.

—  For her: I thought I was okay but I’m not and you are. You really are. 
I Cannot Take, and I Have Nothing Left to Give

return me to the earth
after my tears have dried
after my heart has split in two
six feet in the dark
i will make my home

put this weary body to rest
whose broken limbs yearn to expire
and disintegrate
to be taken into the wind
and leave as wispy nothingness

for nothing good ever lasts

Peter Pan Imagine/Heart of the truest believer

In order for Peter to live he needs the heart of the truest believer, you have no idea that he is dying and find out the heard way.

Warnings : Cussing, a little bit of violence 


Your head is spinning, heart racing, your temperature is rising, trying to be quiet, and walking ever so slowly, things were quite, too quite.

“Hi.” you heard Peter’s voice in your ear.

“Eeeek! Peter!”

He grabs you and starts to tickle you

“Peter stop!” you’re laughing uncontrollable

“What’s the magic word love?”

“STOP” you scream breathing for air

“Keep going? Oh okay” he tackles you to the ground and he is on top of you tickling you away

“P-p-p Peter!” you’re still laughing.

“Tell me I’m the best”

“You’re the best!”

“Ahh now theres the magic word.” he stops and sits on top of you and smiles at you.

You see Peter, well everyone calls him Pan, but you call him Peter, you were the only one who was aloud to call him that. Now that you’re caught up, Peter was the meanest, rudest, cockiest guy in the whole world, but when it came to you, it was like a whole other guy, he was so nice to you, and he would only be nice to you, unless you told him to be easy  on the lost boys, he would try, just for you, and for that the lost boys loved you.

“You always win Peter!”

“Yes I know because im the best.”

“The best at cheating!”

“Oh come on now love, you know hide and seek is our game, it’s fun, it’s how it always is.”

You smile, “Yeah I know you’re right, but one day I’ll get you Peter and I’ll win.”

“Oh, I’d like to see that.” he winked at you.

 You giggle and take his hand, it was time for dinner, so you and him walked back to the camp site.

“Peter!” you see Felix push the lost boys out the way.

Peter was smiling at you and complimenting you but once he saw Felix his attitude changed. He had a serious mad look on his face and you were kinda scared.

“What happen? I know that look What happen?”

“There are people here”

Peter’s face went pail and he looked at you and looked back at Felix

“This is bad, they want the boy?”

“Indeed they do.”

“Shit.”

You see there is a new boy named Henry, he had the heart of the truiest believer, and Peter needed his heart to survive, he was slowly dying, but you had no idea of any of this. So you were confused Peter looked so upset.

“We say nothing Y/n.” Peter looked at Felix 

“You’re thing ruler.” Felix put his hands up agreeing

Peter smiles and starts to walk to you, fingers sweating, he had never lied to you before , but he had to, this time.

“What was it Peter?”

“Oh, the lost boys are being stupid and not getting along, there was a smal fight, but Felix took care of it.”

“Oh well I’m glad it’s nothing too bad.”

Peter laughs nervously “Haha yeahh “ he rubs his head trying not to look in your eyes. He couldn’t stand lying to you, but he couldn’t tell you what was going on, you would worry too much.

“Dinner is ready!” a younger lost by called out.

All the lost boys ran to get their food Peter stayed behind and watched everyone of his boys, he was looking at them up and down, he had to rain them quick and fast.

“BOYS!” he shouted

They all looked up at him.

“I have a game, after you all eat, we shall call it, capturing the flag. Henry.” he looks at him, everybody looks at him as well “Henry will be our flag. he looks at him up and down, Henry was very intimidated.

That night was very fun you had to admit, but it was odd, it wasn’t everyday after dinner you played a game, you guys ate dinner and told stories until you went to sleep.So of course it was very strange, but over all it was good.

The next day you woke up and the campsite was loud, you ran outside to figure out what was going on, it was the boys, they were working out and making weapons, and although they do that, they don’t do that so intense.

You find Felix, “What’s going on?”

“Oh hey , we are just practicing you know, getting healthy and what not.”

“But but,”

“Okay boy’s, lets go!” Peter yelled and made sure everyone went and they boys ran screaming. You grabbed Peter’s arm 

“What’s going on?”

“We’re playing a game love”

“Well why wasn’t I invited?”

Peter was almost caught of guard but soon smiled “Oh love, I have a speacial task for you, you will teach Henry how to do chores around the campsite, and JUST the campsite, do not go anywhere else.

“B-but why?”

“Because we are going to be playing with weapons, and I’d rather not have you get injured baby girl.”

You smiled, and looked down, that name was your weakness. “Alright Peter, I’ll let this one slide, just don’t stay out too long.” You kiss his cheek.

“You have my word baby girl” he runs to go keep up with the others.

You smile and start to wait for Henry, 15 min go by and he still isn’t ready, so you decide to go get him. You walk to his cabin and knock on his door.

“Come in!” 

You walk inside and see him on his bed fiddling with his fingers.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-i’m scared.”

“Why?”

“I just wanna go home to Storybrooke”

“Wait you have a home?” you were confused, all the lost boys, all of them, never had a home, or were either treated terrible, and felt lost, that’s why they were called the lost boys.

“My home is in Storybrooke, not here, with my mom, Emma, and Regina, and Mary Margret-”

“wait wait wait you know their names?” None of the lost boys knew their families names.

“Yeah, I love them.”

“Henry, not to be rude but, why are you here? If you aren’t lost, and you have a family, you shouldn’t be here.”

“I-I never wanted to be here, Pan tricked me , he said he could get him and me off this island, we were running from Pan, but then I found out he was Pan.”

Your eyes grew with fire, he was lying and keeping this poor boy who clearly had a family, and was not lost, he had some explaining to do. “Okay well we are going to find Peter and he will get you off this island.”

“How can you be so sure?” he was so confused

“Because, he listens to me.” you smile.

Meanwhile in the deep forest of Neverland Pan and his lost boys had met Henry’s families.

“Give him back!” Regina said

“See, that’s the thing, Just because you raise your poor little sweet voice doesn’t change my mind one bit.”

“Why don’t you just give him back? Mary Margret asked sweetly

“I have my reasons, you guy’s are wasting my time, you might as well leave, you will never get Henry back.”

Emma puts a knife to Peter’s neck “Tell me! Tell me where the hell my son is or-”

“Peter!” You call out as you watched the hold thing unfold in front of you.

Peter’s eyes widen and pushed Emma off him and looked at you in the eye.

“What are you doing here? I thought I told you to stay at the campsite, you clearly disobeyed me!” Peter raised his voice, he was clearly angry.

You held Henry’s hand and walked out to where Peter was standing

“You lied to me Peter, this whole time you were lying, Henry told me everything, how could you?”

“I have my reasons.-”

“Really and what reasons are those because I would REALLY like to know why you kept this poor boy away from his family.”

“Henry!” Emma screamed and ran up to him and hugged him and you let go of his hand.

“Y/n you have no idea what you’ve just done.”

“Thank you so much Y/n” Emma said as she hugged you.”

“You might as well go back with them, you’re not welcomed here.”

You turned to Peter “What the hell?”

“You have no idea what I had to do to get him and you just give him back!”

“He has a family!” you screamed back

By this time all eyes are on you and Peter, you guys loved each other, and you never told a lie or kept secrets from one an other, in fact, you guys would tell your personal deep, darkest secrets every night to each other,this was totally new, and you hated that he lied to you, this was your first argument and you hated it,

“He was trying to steal Henry’s heart Y/n, he tried to kill him, listen I don’t know you and you don’t know me but you clearly don’t belong here, I can take you back with me kid.” Emma said

“She isn’t going anywhere.” Peter said

“You just said to go with them, now I’m not allowed to make my own choices?”

“Fuck no.” Peter came and grabbed your arm, you slapped him on his face. All the lost boy’s gasped, some covered their mouth, some mouths dropped, other just stood their.

Peter looked at you up and down and disbelieving what just happen.

You had tears in your eyes and you were shocked at what you did, but you had to put him in his place, he promised he’d never touch you that way, and he did, he put his hands on you.

Peter looked at you “I can’t keep this from you, I need to tell you.”

“Pan no!” Felix said, Felix knew you would be heart broken if you found out Peter was dying, but Peter couldn’t hold it in any longer, he felt you deserved to know.

“My love, I’m dying.”

“Wh-what?” your eyes began to water.”

“I needed the heart of the truest believer, that was Henry, if he goes, I die.”

You shook your head no, “No no no Peter you’re lying this can’t you can’t die.”

“I can and I will, well I wasn’t but with your hep, now I guess I am.”

Ouch that hurt you “You can’t blame me for that! You kept this a secret!”

“I didn’t want tell you because I had this all planned out.

“Listen I think I have a way to work this out!” Henry said and everybody looked at him.

“My moms done it before, she splits a heart into two, and gives it to the person who needs a heart and the person with the heart.”

“Henry..” Emma said

“Mom Y/n saved me, she’s nice, even though Pan may not be, I can’t just not help Y/n she saved me life, and in return we should save Pan’s.

“Can that really happen?” Peter asked

“Well I mean sure it can.” Regina said

“Mom you said you wanted to prove to me that you can be nice, well prove to me right now.” Henry said

Regina nodded, she wasn’t going to give up the opportunity to prove to her son that she has changed.

So Peter and Henry stood in front of Regina, “This might hurt Henry, are you sure?”

“Yes mom I’m positive!” Henry was excited that he was helping you.

Regina took Henry;s heart out and split it into two, then put the half ito Peter’s and the other half into Peter’s. It worked!

“It worked yes yes yes! Henry yelled

All the lost boys ran to Peter and cheered ,Peter picked you and from your butt and kissed you, you kissed him back.

“I’m so sorry love for keeping this from you.”

“Shut up and kiss me some more.” he does just that and kisses you.

sad truth
In life we’re all short on time
the sad truth is one day we all die.
where will we go? no one knows.
so many prophesies and theorize, but who’s for sure?
my dogs mother fighting cancer, I hope we find a cure.
got another fam, who just lost his too.
rest in peace, it split my heart in two.
but we all grinding, just trying to learn what to do.
compared to others, the one who make it are few.
add our statistics.. lower that chance by a few.
we make decisions don’t know right from wrong.
just pray it work and hope it don’t take long
cause life is short.
I wouldn’t even be here if my moms girl made it before
so find your purpose and make your time worth it
we all live different lives, shouldn’t that be enough motivation?
your story’s unique why not see it til the end
with twists and turns it just adds to the tale
you’ll be up you’ll be down, but you’ll never fail
because who can grade you on a life they haven’t lived?
cause even similar ain’t the same
and they could know you, but it isn’t fame
so don’t rush it but don’t take too long
life is what you make it as long as you don’t fake it
—  yourboyy
Existence

credit to- Liam Vickers

There’s a girl in my class.

I mean, I swear she is there. Every day, she walks in, three and a half minutes late, like clockwork. Her skin is pale and sickly looking, and it appears as though she hasn’t eaten in weeks.

Her ghastly figure stumbles slowly into the room, a sort of bone chilling void surrounding her. And I don’t mean that figuratively … I mean, you could faintly see the air around her distorting and warping, turning horrible shades of black.

I’m sure everyone would’ve thought this was weird as well … that is … If they could turn to look at her. Every time the door swung open and that ghastly creature stepped inside however, the class would freeze. Their faces would frost over, the color all but draining from the room, as the air decayed into stagnation.

Looking to the people beside me, I could see their irises, normally bright and shimmering with colors, now appearing flat and dull; a single shade of grey. My classmates weren’t truly frozen, however. I watched them breathe slowly, their overcast eyes shifting between the professor and their notes. Pencils faintly, yet hurriedly, carved away at papers all around me. And yet, despite these incredibly slight movements, their bodies always stared straight ahead, never shifted in their seats, never spoke. Before I could blink, the entire class had become a perfectly synchronized, uniform, grey mass.

Then it would all stop, the color would rush back into the room, the air once again being filled with the hum of the fluorescent lights as my classmates regained their life and shuffled around lightly, as if nothing had ever happened. The clock had advanced ahead several minutes in what only felt like seconds.

I used to think that the girl had sat down, but I was never really sure.

Sometimes I watched her twisted form slowly stagger towards the class, eventually reaching the furthest back desk in the corner and pulling out the chair, looking as if she was going to sit … but what happened next? I could never make it that far. Something about watching her move made my head swim and my vision blur. It was as if I had to concentrate as hard as I could to stay conscious: like I was constantly fighting an invisible force trying to shut me out. The longer I looked at her, the harder it became to focus on reality, and I would start to drift in and out as if I was falling asleep without closing my eyes.

The whole encounter only ever lasted about ten seconds from the time she walked in. For the first several times, I didn’t remember the incident at all, rather, I would just feel a strange sense of déjà vu when it happened again the next class. Any time I looked back to where she should’ve been, there was never anyone there, just the desk that nobody ever used, largely broken, scratched, blackened, and falling apart in silence in the dark corner of the room. I wasn’t even really sure what I was looking for, I had no real recollection of any of the events, the girl, the stillness, none of it stuck with me.

But things have been changing lately.

As if exercising a muscle or something, I’ve been getting better and better at staying conscious when she walks in. I’m now able to watch her for extended periods of time. The headache I get is excruciating, and each time I see her, this horrible feeling washes over me, like a sickness. I say that I’m getting better at staying conscious, and while that may be true, it certainly doesn’t feel that way. Rather, it feels as if I’m being trapped in the horrific stillness for longer and longer.

Clearly, as I’m able to tell you this story, I began to remember the events too. They were just fuzzy memories at first, but soon, as I snapped to my senses when the stillness ended, I immediately searched around wildly, trying to locate the girl. I knew she must have been in the room somewhere!

It was quite clear that I was the only one who could retain consciousness in the stillness. Despite lobbing repeated questions about the three and a half minute mark after class started, I could only ever watch confused expressions scratch across the faces of my classmates.

“What girl?” they say.

About a week after this began to occur, or at least a week after I began to remember the daily event, it ceased to be mysterious. It instead instilled nothing but fear in my chest.

Three days ago, for the first time ever, she looked at me.

She had always seemed like a distorted projection or something, a tape player constantly rewinding and playing back her entrance in the exact same way, but on that day, I did something I shouldn’t have.

The clock struck three and a half minutes after class had begun.

The room fell silent, colors flattening and being smudged into the grey background as my classmates froze. She stepped inside slowly.

I had been afraid to watch her before, partly due to the crippling feeling of horror it gave me, but mostly because I didn’t want to stick out, surely if I moved, I would be flat out announcing that I wasn’t like everyone else in the room.

But on that day, I didn’t care. I don’t know why, maybe it was because I was tired of just sitting in silent horror, stealing faint glances, maybe it was because I felt that I needed to know, needed to figure out what the hell was going on, but whatever the case … I gripped the sides of my desk and slowly rose to my feet.

And then it happened. Her form stopped, flickering and wavering in and out of focus like a poorly broadcasted TV signal. Then her head turned as her gaze slowly fell on me.

My heart seized up, and I nearly fell to the floor in terror. Her eyes, at first grey, suddenly glowed a dull, dark green, and they radiated a sort of sickness. Invisible, poisonous waves seeped out into the motionless air like slithering eels.

I felt nothing but utter despair. Pain and sorrow formed on my soul like jagged ice crystals, strangling whatever life I had and smothering out all hope. My legs grew weak, and I slowly sunk down to my chair in silent agony as my heart slowed to a horrible, sluggish pace. My vision split in two, and I lost my ability to refocus.

Then she started to approach me, her mouth moving as if to speak and then …

I snapped my head upwards and glanced around in bewilderment. The color had returned to the room. The stillness had passed, with me having lost several minutes of memory. I must have been taken by the stillness before I could hear her speak.

The girl was gone, of course. The only thing I had to prove to myself that it had ever happened at all was the sickness I felt in my heart.

No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t break free of the sorrow. It gathered like a dense fog in my mind, and each time I thought back to her eyes, I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. I often nearly vomited from the queasiness.

The next day, my fears erupted into absolute horrors as the clock ticked past three minutes and thirty seconds. The door creaked open slowly behind me as the class fell into the stillness, and I could already feel the horrific presence entering the room without needing to look.

When I did finally force myself to steal a glance however, my blood crystallized and my breath caught.

She was mere feet from me, walking deliberately towards me, her dull eyes fixed on mine. At our eye contact, I felt yet more of my happiness being torn away, my soul shriveling and icing over. This time, as she approached, she smiled, extending her cold dead hand out before her. She was trying to touch me.

I cried out in horror and leapt up from my desk, backpedaling across the room. My heart had begun to decay, my mind getting blotted out and filled with a dark sludge of hopelessness and despair. It swirled and warped my thoughts as I tried to keep moving but found myself too weak: too weak to try and run, too weak to think I would ever make it out, too weak to hope for anything.

There was no hope in this world.

I felt a ghastly void began to materialize in my chest. Something important was beginning to be torn away from me. Something I knew I could never replace.

Suddenly, I looked up to see the class staring at me in shock and confusion. The colors had returned, and I was left standing in the middle of the room, panicking like a paranoid psycho and looking at nothing: an empty space where the girl had once been.

“Are you ok?!” someone asked, “Dude, you look pale as hell!”

I’m sure I did. I’m sure I looked awful, I’m sure they could see me shaking, I’m sure they could see that I was sick with horror. But damn, I felt worse.

Worse than they could imagine.

I mumbled softy that I was alright and walked back to my desk. I slumped into my chair and fixed my gaze on the floor. They all stared at me for a while longer as I sat in utter agony. I felt as if there was nothing left, nothing on this earth for me, nothing that could possibly fill this hole that had begun to grow inside of me. The feeling grew with every sluggish pump of my tired heart: so incredibly tired, straining to beat at all as the despair clung to it like a heavy ooze.

Then, slowly, they began to forget me.

During attendance the next day, the teacher didn’t call my name, skipping right over it and moving on to the next. No one noticed his mistake either.

When I stood up and asserted that my name hadn’t been called, the teacher just looked at me with dull eyes and mumbled to himself, “Yes, yes, of course, my bad.”

None of my classmates turned to look at me however, and the teacher never fixed the attendance sheet after my confrontation. He just continued on to his lecture, as if instantly forgetting that it had happened.

I tried to talk to kids, but their attention was always diverted after looking at me for a few seconds. It was as if I was but a fleeting thought in the back of their minds, always being overwritten by something more important.

This only made me feel more helpless, casting me further into the gruesome despair.

Then, that day, the door creaked open again, and something horrific happened. The stillness that normally lay waste to the room and rendered everyone stagnant … didn’t quite happen at all. The air grew heavier and some colors faded away, but the people didn’t freeze as much, didn’t fall into silence or become a still grey mass.

And then I heard the laughter.

A quiet giggle, out of place and filled with pain.

I turned to see the girl walk in, but she wasn’t quite the same. Her form was sharper this time, her image less distorted, and she walked with a new pace. There was some more cheer in her wobbly steps as her sickly giggles filled the room.

I quickly looked away, averting my eyes to the ground.

But then one of my classmates slowly shifted his weight, and his head turned to look back. He nodded his head slowly in the direction of the girl, acknowledging her presence for the first time.

I was aghast and confused, how could he see her now? I watched some other students glance behind themselves as well, confirming that they knew she was there.

I stood up and shouted, “What the hell is this?!” But no one even looked at me. Not one of them met my eyes.

Then I felt a tap, a light hand against my shoulder. I was filled with sudden relief, someone knew I was here after all! I whirled around to face them, only to stagger back in shock. It was that girl, her face smiling wide, her eyes looking deep into mine, I noticed that her skin had become less pale, her form less sunken and more animated than before.

At seeing her face, I shut my eyes, squeezing them tight and turning away. But I could feel her movement as she shuffled close to me. I felt hands being placed on my shoulders, and I knew her face was inches from mine, waiting for me to open my eyes, take just one little peek.

Slowly, my mind began to slip just as before, but this time I waited, curled up in horror, trying not to look for nearly thirty minutes. Finally, after I could hear the hum of the lights grow stronger and the faint stillness lift, I slowly opened my eyes and she was gone.

I had had enough of this. I left that classroom. Convinced that I would never come back.

On the way out of the school, I passed by a mirror. What I saw in the reflection made me seize up in repulsion.

A ghastly, haunted face stared back at me. I was now beginning to look like how I felt. The despair had sunken my eyes into their sockets, the pain draining the color from my skin. I looked as if I hadn’t eaten in many days.

I walked right out of the school, not a person looked at me as I brushed past them, I doubt they even knew I was there.

I finally reached my apartment near the campus, owned by me and three others guys. I opened up the door.

One of my roommates sat, but he didn’t acknowledge me. I closed the door hard, and then slammed it once or twice, but his gaze never lifted, he didn’t even flinch.

I walked up to him and tapped his head, knelt down to catch his eyes.

“Hello?!” I practically cried, sorrow consuming me. His gaze shifted to meet me and then slowly fell away.

“Welcome back …” he mumbled quietly, his voice quickly trailing off.

I’m sure I could’ve kept bugging him, but I had no will to try. I was consumed by despair, and all the excruciating sensations it contained. No one would ever acknowledge me, my existence had faded far too much.

Late that night, I sat alone, curled up in my ruffled bed. I slowly drifted off as desolation lulled my heart to sleep.

That morning I woke and lay in silence. I had no will to move. I was never going back to that class.

Not with that creature there.

I watched the clock tick slowly, the machine components forced to carry on. The gears spun and churned, although they had no reason to. Just like my heart, the apparatuses were simply part of a machine, keeping something useless alive.

The clock reached 12:00 and kept slowly carrying on.

Class would’ve just started, I thought to myself. I doubted that anyone even noticed that I was gone.

The light tried to enter through the window, being obstructed by the heavy wooden blinds, casting faint lines in the dim, dusty room, the interior almost looking as if it was filled with a dark haze.

The clock ticked quietly in the background, seemingly muffled and far away. I watched it reach three minutes past twelve and the second hand continued ticking, reaching 30 seconds past.

The air suddenly fell into stillness and my heart froze. I heard it, the door to my room slowly creaking open.

“No … No, NO!” I shrieked to the lengthening shadows of my surroundings.

The ghastly creature slowly staggered into my room from down the hall, a horrific smile ripping its face in two.

Except she wasn’t really ghastly at all …

Rather, she was nearly entirely normal. The air no longer distorted around her, her face had some faint color, and her eyes glowed a brighter green than I had ever seen.

I screamed, trying to shield my face and shrieking, “No! You can’t be here! Get away from me!”

She didn’t stop however, I could hear her slowly shuffling across the floor, eventually reaching the foot of my bed.

There was no running this time. I slowly peeked open my eyes to see her face inches from mine with a demented cheerfulness distorting her features.

I tried to close my eyes, but her hands suddenly rushed forwards, nearly jabbing out my eyes as she scratched and clawed my eyelids open. I tried to fight her, tried to grab at her arms, but I was too hopeless and weak to move much of anything. As her eyes stared into mine, I felt my body go limp and I couldn’t even twitch a finger.

This was it for me.

I felt the last shred of humanity being torn away from my heart, and the air rippled with dark hideous smudges as she cackled with glee. I felt hot blood running down my face, and I could feel the hole inside my chest consuming me.

As I watched, her face regained all life, her ghostly distortions all but fading away. Suddenly, her glowing eyes dimmed, ceasing to radiate light and becoming utterly plain. The horrific smile faded, and she stopped looking at me, rather looked through me now, as her face went placid. She slowly stepped away from me and wandered around the room as if looking for something, forgetting that I was even there.

My heart had stopped.

I no longer felt it beating in my chest.

I couldn’t speak … but quickly realized that this was because I wasn’t breathing.

Speaking required me to consciously breathe in and exhale air. This was something that was no longer a reflex.

I could breathe if I wanted to … but I didn’t need to.

For the first time in a long time, however, I did feel something. Something related to pain and sorrow, yet refreshingly different and powerful in a different sense.

I felt … entirely consumed by hatred. It mixed into the gruesome vat of sadness and despair already inhabiting my soul, all of the dark emotions swirling around inside of me. My body was too small to physically contain all of them, and they erupted out of me in hideous tendrils of blackness, distorting and warping the air around me.

I rolled off the bed in agony and slammed to the floor, lying and staring at the ceiling for hours after that. The stillness never faded, rather, it grew stranger and stronger the longer I lay. A small area around me was consumed by stagnant air and grey-scale smudges. I was now the one creating it, although it was confined to a small bubble around my broken form. The girl never looked at me again, she didn’t recognize me anymore: she couldn’t even see me anymore.

She was human now.

A trait she had stolen from me. She had taken my life.

One of my roommates walked in at some point and said hello to her as if she had lived in the house the whole time. They recalled and laughed about some memories together, memories that should’ve been about him and I, not him and her.

The picture on the nightstand of my four friends and I, was now horribly smudged and grey. Even as I watched from the floor however, it slowly refocused into the image, her figure standing where mine should’ve been.

I lay in that room, watching in despair as my life was lived out by someone else. Nothing I did made anyone see me anymore, not even the half-assed remarks came my way anymore, no matter how loud I screamed.

Days passed like this until the rage and despair inside of me finally exploded, and my mind reached a breaking point.

One day, the house was deserted, all of my once friends off at class. I slowly stood, my body sickly and crooked. I looked at my hands to see them flicker in front of me like a poor signal as the surrounding air burned black with hatred and sorrow.

I stumbled out of the room with a new horrific determination.

The stillness around me grew the more I felt and accepted the hatred. By the time I exited the house, it was filling up entire rooms around me.

I reached a college auditorium just slightly after class started.

Using all of my feeble strength, I was finally able to force the door open after several minutes. As I stepped inside slowly, the entire room was consumed by the hateful stillness around me.

The people froze and turned away instantly, something I now realized had been a subconscious defense tactic. One that I hadn’t been able to employ.

I was the weak link in my class. The whole time I had been fighting to stay awake, I had really been fighting what my body was naturally trying to do: trying to save me from what I had now become.

I slowly staggered into the class, going to the furthest back desk to sit down when I noticed …

… one of the kids wasn’t quite like the others.

His body wasn’t quite as grey, not quite as lifeless. His gaze shifted nervously around the room. I probably wouldn’t have even noticed his slight variations … if I hadn’t been looking for them.

A horrific smile broke out across my face.

The kid didn’t last long, he quickly faded into the stillness like everyone else as his mind went blank.

I hadn’t been able to make eye contact with him today, his gaze was too unfocused, but that was okay.

I would just have to try again tomorrow.