my heart is filled with loneliness

I am trying to write a poem about my loneliness
But the page just seems to insist
on staying empty.
But loneliness isn’t emptiness
loneliness is the lead ball in the pit of your stomach
and the feathers tickling the back of your throat
loneliness is the itch you cannot scratch
it’s feeling far too much
far too little.
Loneliness is an all consuming enigma
of the past
of a past
Of a past you’re trying to forget
Of a past you can’t help but regret
Of a past that shoved you into the position
of isolation in which you reside
In which you’re going to die.
And sometimes solitude becomes gratitude
but the demolition of the monuments
that used to be perched on my ribs
left nothing but dust
and I am no longer grateful.

I used to build shrines in my heart to girls who would
never quite love me.
But that was never loneliness.
Unrequited love is a social activity because broken hearts
scream louder than all the wind in the world
howling together.
Despite the rain and miserable weather
I could fill myself up with love even though no one
would ever reciprocate
even though I always had to compensate
by giving more than I had left in me.
I would clutch my chest and rip out pieces of my heart
on which metaphors for love and birds and bones
and sadness and stars
would rest.
I could gift these to those who smiled.
Because nothing cuts into loneliness like affection
or attention
or the smile of someone who has no
reason to.
I suppose I never had a reason to.

I am trying to write a poem about the rain.
They say that people are nothing like rain
nothing like snow
nothing like autumn leaves
because people do not look beautiful when they fall.
A phrase I could never quite wrap my head around.
Because to me falling is dancing
and dancing is writing
and writing is cleaning your body of the toxins
that well up behind your eyes
and hide behind your liver
and pump fluid in your lungs.
What isn’t beautiful is hitting the ground.
The snowflakes will dissolve and the rain
will be absorbed by the greedy earth.
The leaves will rot
and you’ll be taking shots
Until your heart falls out of your chest.

Loneliness is falling
and falling is dancing
and dancing is writing
and I am trying to write a poem about my overwhelming
fear of touching the solid ground.
I am trying to write a poem about falling
Because I reside in free fall
and my heart falls for the snow
and the snow falls for the rain
and the first rule of gravity is everything
must fall
So we fall
And I fall
and you fall.

—  Fall (Emf)
Defending Claire

This is spurred by recent comments and the fact that I’ve seen like 100 gifsets of Jamie making out with Mary, but literally none of Claire having what is essentially emotionless sex with Frank. Frank, who is her first husband. Frank, who she has had sex with before. Frank, who Jamie sent her and their unborn child back to so they could live in safety. I get the dislike for Frank and I share it—I created Icy Road gifs, remember? I hate that Clare is stuck in the 1900s with him and I can’t wait for him to kick the bucket. I’m buying champagne for Sunday. It was perfectly OK for Jamie to take whatever he needed in a sexual encounter with Mary. I just know people will bend over backwards to justify Geneva, because Jamie can do no wrong. Anyways, I honestly want to know why the general opinion seems to be that it’s not OK for Claire to do the same with Frank, or why it’s especially not OK if she’s just trying to be in the moment and not necessarily thinking of Jamie throughout, as Caitriona mentioned in the Elle interview. To be honest, I don’t really care what she was thinking about. I personally think she couldn’t stop thinking about Jamie even though she tried really hard to, but who cares? She could be thinking about Jamie, kittens, the bird she stared at in 3x01, where she could get the best deal on twin beds, or Colum’s ass from 1x03. We know she was longing for Jamie, the scene where she masturbates proves that. So does the bagpipes scene, which really broke my heart. Caitriona nailed every step of Claire’s progression in 3x02.

There just seems to be a double standard here. We saw a woman own her sexuality and take whatever pleasure she needed—that same desire for human connection that Jamie longs for. And sorry not sorry, but the first sex scene was hot and that was all because of the realism Caitriona adds to those scenes. I didn’t really even notice who was under her. I always find it interesting that the show is praised for how it depicts Claire’s sexuality, yet fans almost want to shame her whenever she owns it. 

Claire was desperately trying to make her situation of incredible loneliness and ultimate futility work in 3x02. Claire’s journey may not be filled with physical strife like Jamie’s, but it’s just as agonizing and heartbreaking. She’s a shadow of herself as well. Through Bree, she lives with a daily physical reminder of her dead husband and everything she left behind. Claire is also in a prison, it’s just, as the producers said, “one that’s well-decorated.” Jamie is not the only one who has made sacrifices here. Claire has made some as well. She’s fulfilling the promise she made to Jamie. We know from 2x13 that the secrets Claire is harboring prevent her from having a close relationship with her daughter. To me, that is incredibly sad. That’s a sacrifice. Yet it’s rarely acknowledged and she rarely gets credit for it. Instead people describe her as cold and unlikeable—whether she’s with Jamie or not. Claire’s existence is not merely to tell Jamie’s story. 

I like that she tried with Frank. I think we needed to see that in anticipation of what comes next. We needed to see how she ultimately shuts that part of herself off and decides to put all of her energy into raising her daughter and becoming a doctor. It will make when she does reunite with Jamie that much more poignant. But in her current situation, she doesn’t think that’s possible. She’s moving forward and playing the cards she’s been dealt.

Never in my life do I wanna fall in love with someone when I’m at my worst or when I’m having a hard time. I want to fall in love with someone when I am at my best. When everything else is sorted and beautiful, when I’m happy in my own skin, when I have a stable job, when I’m in love with myself. I never want to fall in love with someone when I’m broken and full of despair, or when the pain is filled up to the brim. I don’t want to fall in love with someone when my feet aren’t stable or my shoulders aren’t capable. I want to look at someone, on a random street and feel the connection. The spark that strikes your heart and you fall in love with the way they are. I want to be able to love someone or find someone to do so when my life is settled and balanced. When I’m successful and when I’m not drowning in agony. I want my love to be real and pure and not just an escape from my loneliness, and definitely not a remedy to my pain. I want to fall in love with someone because of what they are and not because of what I am not.
FANFIC * NESSIAN * PART TWELVE

Originally posted by princessofpoldark

Nessian Part Twelve by L.J. LaFleur 

I stiffened as his snarl deepened. Amber droplets fell towards the hem of my indigo gown. Cassian slid his rough hand over mine, his unfailing warmth spreading through me. I didn’t dare look at him, nor did he glimpse at me.

So, we watched, as I struggled to make it through the endless night. We watched as I faintly sung Feyre’s lullaby, as I attempted to speak of the curse and failed. As I prayed to whatever gods or goddesses Prythian kept.

We stood in silence, watching as I counted the brightest stars—wishing upon them for a different life. Wishing for a stronger body, one that could have fought off monsters and feral beasts without failure. A body and spirit that would make the earth tremble my name.

The night progressed, creatures of all shapes sniffed me for pleasure, for food. Only to be scared off by something my human ears could not tune into.

Threatening shadows, hissing their warning to those who lingered.

Sapphire ink circled the sky, wrapping itself in a new cloak of stars. I cried in pain, trying to drag myself towards the direction Tamlin left in, hoping to find Feyre. Pulling myself by tree roots, I made it halfway up the hill before rolling back down, defeated. I wept as I caught speed, only to slam my head into a moss-covered rock at the bottom. I faced the stars once again, feeling the trail of drawn blood leak down my pale face.

“Feyre…” I mumbled as the distant lights blurred into one another, more crimson dripping from my temple. “Fey…”

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Please God, let me meet him. All I want to is to find that perfect boy I know exists. He’s big and fluffy and probably a hundred years old and likes accordians and birdseed, perhaps is even in outside the Nintendo Switch™. The boy who won’t secretly think I’m a loser, the boy I can cuddle with (even if only possible through the Nintendo Switch™) and spent nights talking to and laughing and sharing happiness. Someone who can reciprocate the love I put in, the boy who I can make feel safe and secure unconditionally and can fill this gaping, empty void in my heart. Please, just let me find this person. I’ll change everything about me if that’s what it takes Please, I just can’t take the loneliness anymore.

& if we could dream,
the nights would pull
belief into the motion
that love can be measured
by the single distance it
would take to travel as
far away from your smile
as the trees,
the oasis of desire outlining
the novelty of your hand
reaching into my day,
& the wail of despair
I’ve grown to speak from
& still return with enough
change to be missed,
interchangeable

one day loneliness will fuck you

but the lover you desire
will be sweeping the
windows clean & the
sound of your heart
rupturing in choleric
meters rushing waves
to blackened Sunday’s

maybe these words
were meant to leave
my eyes & fill up
someone else’s
heart, & though every
voiced breath carries
you one step farther
from home -

the doors open, but
the feeling is long

gone

I confused you between really fucking good for me and this is how I die.
—  We began in an eclipse of cascading smiles, where closer meant place your lips around the words I want to say, don’t give the moonlight a chance to slip between us. when your day was a verse that acknowledged the presence of an established duo, dialing backwards to recite prescriptions that could fill the emptiness that was you. The clouds signed our piece when we let a night dictate the feelings we wore, when cold meant looking into your eyes for hours, but never understanding the sadness that followed I love you. Maybe my heart was born broken, maybe your eyes were always the shape of tears I could never cry. Maybe my hands never knew the meaning of fragile when I placed your lips on the horizon, maybe your ribs always constricted silence into an enigma that’s always moving in the direction of closing. Loneliness will always fight you for me, sadness will always hug the corners in bitter remembrance of a protagonist that was zealous for an embrace. And though I have seen better days with my hands, laughed stories I want to hear with the sun. I have sipped posture from dandelion wishes and fermented the future in a single blink. Today, I know I won’t survive another you.
look, maybe we could start over, maybe
we could love softer, maybe it would hurt
less this time. maybe we could pretend it
never hurt, just like before. i don’t know if
i’m drunk yet or just lonely but i really just
want you back, just want someone to be
here. and yeah, i know it only hurt us both,
i know you don’t want to stay, i know i hate
you and love you, somehow at the same
time. i’m just tired of my bed being empty,
of my heart being tired, of my body wishing
it were something other than a body. i need
something to fill all this goddamn space.
—  THIS IS THE LAST TIME I’M ASKING YOU BACK, I SWEAR  (sarah kate o.)
Stay Close to Me

Yuri on Ice poem by Satomi-iko
Translation from polish by me


I hear it
Blade cutting through ice in between the sounds
Distinctive fling
The moment I fill my lungs with oxygen
With uncertainty and fear
And your perfect landing
I scream and breath out

I see it
Crystals of ice shimmering in the air
Forming a mist falling on a smooth surface
Your quiet sigh drowning out in the sound of a roaring crowd

I feel it with my whole self,  your suffering
From loneliness
It seems like, through the sound of music you’re telling a story
Of someone,
Of something
Feeling so distant yet so wistful
Your hands
Your legs
Picturing it, dancing
The beating of your heart
So similar to my own
Something’s grasping my throat
Suffocating, like I’m about to cry
Do you feel it as well?

It was few years ago, yet the feeling stayed the same
I look at you through these moments
It’s time to take the ice to repeat the history
But with a different ending
I squeeze your hand and mindlessly gaze into your eyes
They are not lonely anymore

 We are together
 Now I’m ready 

anonymous asked:

Hi! How about  "I'm sorry I called you at 3 AM. I needed you" or "Stay the night. Please" with Saeyoung? I really need to read something romantic and cute...? You choose if it is MC who says it or Saeyoung ^-^ Sorry if I'm not clear enough, my English is really bad xD Thank you so much!

this turned angsty. i’m mildly apologetic.

“Don’t go.”

He’s there with his laptop in his hand and his jacket in the other, fiery hair ruffled and shirt disheveled as he kicks on his boots in a vain attempt to run away—as far as possible—from his feelings, from this, from her. He doesn’t think she understands, but she does and achingly so to where she calls him every night. His heart breaks when he hears her voice but it isn’t enough, it’s never enough to stop him from leaving her. He’d rather hurt her now than hurt her later.

This was not a new practice for Saeyoung.

Saeyoung Choi was always fleeting, hidden in the peripherals of her vision and disappearing once she had truly looked. Her memories of him always seemed smudged like decayed film, keeping her from being able to truly examine him for what he was. It had always been like this, always the same game and the same chase but today is different; now she tires of chasing and she wants to bet that he was tired of running.  Fire runs through her veins when she sees how lithe he is in trying to get out of the apartment as soon as possible. She wanted him and he was running from her and she was chasing after him like fools do in love.

He can’t bring himself to stop—really stop, at least—and he’s halfway out the door before he can feel someone or something pressed against the curve of his back, bound to him like a spell. 

Listen, you need to sto—”

She interrupts him. “I’m trying so hard to make you stay, I’m holding on for dear life, why won’t you ever just let me all the way in?”

Her sobs are deafening to his ears. He can’t stand it, and he can’t begin to form a single word knowing that he’s made her cry, yet again. A real cry, akin to a child’s, with desperate heaves and snot filled sniffles paired with wails while she clung to his back. He figures he needs to say something, anything to make this stop. So he begs. 

“Please…”

Saeyoung’s head was reeling, lips still swollen from her kisses and hair still disheveled from her fingers and heart still aching from her cries. Everything was so fast, from the kiss to deciding to leave suddenly and now the words that came dripping out of her lips in a loneliness that hits dead center to home.

“My heart feels like it’s going to break in half. Please love me as much as I love you.”

He turns around and suddenly finds himself holding her to his chest, lips pressed against her skull in such a fragile matter that it almost seems like he’s trying to keep her from breaking apart. Anxiety rushes in his bloodstream and it makes his hands shake from all the thoughts that threaten to rob him of his self control to keep himself away. Loving her was a luxury he couldn’t afford to own—nothing could ever be his and he’s been told that more times than he has fingers on his hands.

He mumbles the next words into her hair, almost as if he wants to bury himself into her to hide himself. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry for making you cry. I’ll take care of you… I’ll stay the night. Just please stop crying.”

And such simple words can work for now, they both decide. 

Accidental| Hoseok

Your boyfriend doesn’t show up for your date leaving you in the awkward position of peers staring at you with sorry eyes. Right as your about to get up a presence saves you from your embarrassment portraying as your boyfriend.

Originally posted by jjang-pandaa

Warning: Cussing, implied smut, Smiley Hobi!

Genre: A dash of fluff and angst?

Word Count: 8.8K

A/N: I saw this prompt on pintrest and thought it was cute, also i may have made some spelling mistakes and other things because Teen wolf came on tonight and I needed to finish before it came on. Please dont hate me frens!


Hours had passed and the loneliness and dread in my head only managed to sprout further more into my heart. I had been promised a lovely evening at a rather expensive restaurant but it was far from the situation that was vowed. I was missing the very non evident boyfriend that was supposed to be sitting across the table as i was met with the cold nothingness of a longing body. I had merely order a bottle of wine to cover up my sorrows but that doesn’t really do the trick as the angry waiter suggest you should leave so he can fill the table and others staring at you with pity and disgust.

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Pieces of Me & You

It has been a while,
The heart is tired,
And eyes are sore.
Left a trail of pieces of you,
There I was,
Picking them up,
Trying to find you.
I dreamt of faceless
Silhouettes, I wish
To find and touch.
You’re like a memory
Deepy ingrained
In my head,
An event that has yet to happen.
And I did.
I have your pieces,
My dear Valentine.
I have them in my hands
bleeding for you.
I wish to hug you,
And calm your restless heart.
You are an untold masterpiece,
A shooting star,
The morning dew,
and the air I breathe.
A constellation of contradictions
and a puzzle waiting to be solved.
My dear Valentine,
Please be patient.
The heart has been used and abused
and one can only endure for so long.
It has been filled with doubt,
Questions with no answers,
And answers we don’t want to hear.
My lovely,
I give you pieces of me,
To remind you, you’re not alone.
It may not mend what has been broken,
But enough to keep believing.
Do not despair, my sweet
For you day will come.
When loneliness has faded,
And you no longer feel torn.
Until then, I give you pieces of me
To fill the beautiful you.



To my secret valentine teacup13  Happy Valentines Day!

Kaneki’s mentioning to Akira
“im so lonely” with such an ironically bright smile tore my heart into pieces.
Even if he’s surrounded by so many people AND the people he wants to protect (Hinami, Touka, Nishiki etc), our stupid protagonist still feels lonesome.
It seems like nobody can fill that emptiness and loneliness inside of him.
Yet in one chapter where we saw Nagachika Hideyoshi in Kaneki’s mind, the whitehaired, young man confessed that he was and is feeling lonely without his past (and probably dead) best friend.
Aint that really frustrating.
Hide was the only one who was able to fill Kaneki’s life which is not some stupid delusion from the Hidekane shippers.
It’s bc of the bond that they shared since they were smol. They were essential to each other. Nobody ever was a serious friend to Hide ever, he was a shallow fellow except for Kaneki who he had cared for really deeply to go to that extent to risk his life for Kaneki, to even die for him.
And we know that Hide usually does everything he can for his own safety, that sneaky bastard. And Kaneki proved us enough by this statement and by the scene where he had a Hide hallucination within himself to go on and keep fighting and living tho he wouldve been surely dead meat.
His words are moving them than nobody else’s. Oke nvm im out OTL

I- Um- Feels.

(x)

Prompt: (Sonic Forces, cause I can’t stop thinking of scenarios xD ahhh!!! lol)

After a pretty big fight concerning leadership decisions and ethical standings, Amy stormed off away from the team, and carried off Classic her too.

Once far enough away, Amy tried to make a plan for retrieving the Ancient Powered Gears that Eggman was using to control the world and get his wishes and way.

She paced back and forth, as Classic Amy seemed worried about her, before looking over her shoulder, concerned as well that she wasn’t able to be with her hero…

“We could do this in a safe, strategic, and morally correct way where no one needs to get hurt or feel used and unappreciated. Don’t you think my plan will work, little m- ROSIE!”

Classic Amy twitched at her nickname, and swiftly spun around, sitting on her knees politely, she shivered slightly at the abrupt noise, before pouting at how rude it was to yell her thoughts away from Sonic.

Amy bent down and placed her hands on her hips, looking upset she wasn’t listening, and slightly frustrated too.

When she saw her face, she immediately knew what she was feeling… and her heart filled with loneliness too…

It just… wasn’t like how it was before… But she still wondered…

“I know, little me… I know.” she turned her head down and away, placing a fisted-hand up to her chest, and seeming sorrowful.

“I-… Ohh! I would miss him more if he wasn’t being so.. so.. difficult!” She stomped her foot down and looked away.

Classic Amy bent her ears slightly and smiled emphatically, before her ears perked up with a spinning noise and she turned around, jumping to her feet.

Holding her hands in light fists up to her face, she scanned over the area.

“Huh? That sound..?” Amy turned, and immediately looked hopefully surprised for something, and raced to Classic Amy’s side, before stepping further up…

When the two heard it again, Classic Amy’s face lit up, seeing a stream of blue light coming over and arching down the hill.

“…He came back…” Modern Amy breathed out, as if amazed and touched. “He came back for me…” She stepped a few, several wobbly steps forward.

When the streak of blue swerved towards the girls, Classic Amy jumped in a type of happy-victory dance, and waved both hands up wide to signal where they were.

In amazement, Modern Amy stopped.

When the light drew closer, she squinted her eyes…

It.. it was small.

The light dimmed to reveal a small stature, but a determined little face, holding a striking stare that could only mean annoyance.

“…It’s not-…” she stumbled backwards, lowering her hands and looking down.

Crushed.

Had he not forgiven her?

Was he not going to come back?

Classic Sonic sped right past Modern Amy, as she held her head down, her eyes covered in shadows, as her hair moved with his speed in a delicate, but swift motion.

Bouncing giddily at her hero’s appearence, Classic Amy hopped to the side and waited for him to skid to a halt.

In the which case, he paused and put his hands on his hips, leaning forward as if to scold her a moment, though realizing it wasn’t entirely her fault for being whisked away by her older self.

He leaned back and rolled his eyes, clearly there for her and her alone.

She seemed to squee and jump towards him, hugging him as he struggled slightly but didn’t push her away.

Hearing Classic Amy’s happy, joyful sounds made Modern Amy grit her teeth and tighten her fists.

She flung herself around.

“She’s not going ANYWHERE.”

Classic Sonic had gotten Classic Amy to let go, and had his arms folded as he looked to her, before being shocked and frankly spooked a bit at Amy’s alarming declaration as she marched over and scooped up Classic Amy again, holding her over her shoulder.

Classic Amy blinked her eyes, not sure what was going on, but not fighting it either it seemed.

For a moment, she lay limp, still used to getting captured. But after a moment, she started kicking her legs and flailing her arms out to her hero, wanting to be put down and rejoin with him in his arms~<3

“Hmph.” Modern Amy glared down at Classic Sonic, before swiping her head to the right, and puffing up her cheek.

“If you want her, you fight for her!”

Classic Sonic raised an eyebrow, not sure how to take that declaration, before bending his knees and ducking his head, looking ready to fight.

Amy flinched, lifting and withdrawing a hand back. “Yeesh! I didn’t mean for you to get all serious like that!” she blinked in worry… before…

He spun into a tight ball and started jamming into her head like a homing attack x 4.

She was knocked back quite a few times before summoning her hammer, flailing it around as she closed her eyes, not wanting to get hit anymore.

“Q-quit that! You-!! Why you little-! Stooop!!!” she swung around but he landed a little aways from her, folded his arms and faced her from the back.

He shook his head, thinking this ridiculous, before sighing.

He looked up just then, seeing a taller figure as a hand came down from above him and gestured in a bob of itself to remain calm.

“Don’t worry, buddy. I got this…”

It was a calm and affirming voice, one that sounded trustworthy, as Classic Sonic didn’t quite understand, but allowed him to pass and didn’t torment the older Amy any further.

Classic Amy had her eyes filled with swirls, dizzy from the spinning and rapid movements, as Modern Amy kept trying to dodge invisible attacks she thought were still around her.

With her eyes squinted shut, she didn’t see a hand grip her hammer, stopping it from it’s random movements.

“H-huh?” Amy noticed the power struggle shift a moment, and didn’t remember Classic Sonic being so…

Tall.

“What are you trying to do? Fight the wind?” Sonic shook his head, and let her hammer go.

“Hand over little you. My other me is worried about her.” he gestured to Classic Sonic a little ways away, as he did look pretty fed up with Amy’s rebellion, and outstretched his hand.

Amy looked at that hand… wishing to trust it again, but feeling hurt from before, and held onto her younger self tighter, bringing her in front of her and pulling her away from him.

“No! I won’t let him miss treat her like a toy!”

The word caught both Sonic’s off guard, and the hand immediately withdrew in a painful flinch.

The look of surprise and hurt was apparent, before Classic Sonic lost his temper, and sped forward.

He stomped the ground and let his anger full force be known, and then threw out his hand, demanding the girl!

Classic Amy looked down, innocent to his actions, and tilted her head, looking like she didn’t quite understand.

Sonic looked down, understanding his frustrations, and how he wasn’t used to Amy’s new behavior in the future…

He glared up at her, showing his frustrations too. “Amy! Quit this!” he swished his hand out in front of him.

“You’re not helping!”

“I’m trying to help, Sonic! If you would only listen to me!”

“Listen to what?! Amy? You’ve been at my throat since I got here. Why are you so against me!?” he spread his arms out, as Classic Sonic tapped his toe, folding his arms again, realizing the only way to get Amy was probably to let them talk things out, but he was growing impatient with that tactic…

“I’m not against you! How could you say such a thing! I thought.. for a moment I thought you weren’t coming back!” her anger suddenly turned to her true sorrow, and Sonic suddenly lost some of his anger’s fire through the water of her beginning tears…

She held them back, beautifully, though.

He also held himself back now, standing more up and trying a new tactic too..

Listening.

“All I’ve wanted to do is help you! And all you keep doing is ignoring me! You give orders and you leave as if you haven’t been gone for so long! You make such rash decisions and don’t think of the lives at stake here! I’m not trying to fight you, Sonic! I have a bigger issue concerning a common enemy to even DARE and think such a thing!” she pointed an arm out and towards the sky, gesturing to Eggman’s large robots.

Sonic’s eyes followed the notion, before frowning deeply and looking back at her, still not sure what she was getting at.

“Then why do you fight me?” He asked this pretty tenderly, as if truly seeking understanding instead of an argument over ideals for a change.

He motioned his arms out, stepping forward, as Amy avoided the gestured by looking away.

“All I’ve been trying to do is save lives here… yours included, Amy…”

Getting annoyed with the touchy-feely way this conversation was going, Classic Sonic twitched an eyebrow, opening his eyes and finally being done waiting.

He saw the opportunity to grab his era’s Amy when her hand moved away, and bounced up to kick her other arm away as she was avoiding eye-contact.

“H-hey!”

Classic Amy jumped into his arms, wrapping her hands around him, as he quickly got down and took off, having what he came for.

“Little me-!”

Amy reached out and started to run after them, but Sonic turned around and gripped her arm, pulling her back.

“Let them go.”

“N-no! I don’t want her to feel… to feel…” she could barely even utter the word, her mouth trembled shut when she attempted too, and little whimpers slightly escaped her as she tried to form the breath to say it.

He pulled her back into his arms, and put an arm around in front of her, slightly below the neck.

She reflexed a hand up and gripped the arm, blinking her eyes wildly as tears threatened once more, and she looked to the ground, then out to where they ran off too.

She opened her mouth before closing it again, hearing him speak just behind her lowered head.

“Feel what… Amy?”

Classic Sonic sped off as Classic Amy smiled and leaned into his embrace, before feeling something was unright, and looked over his shoulder.

Her eyes filled with compassion when she saw her older self throw her hands over her eyes, and be turned around as the older Sonic held her, tightening his hold and seeming to comfort her.

She made a face of shocked horror, realizing her older self needed her.

She looked angrily up at her Sonic, and kicked and struggled as it threw him off course.

He made a video game noise of slipping up and wobbling, as if being hit, and skidded to a halt over the dew’d grass, and then turned his head to her, narrowing his eyes as he searched for understanding in his confusion of her actions.

She made another noise and pointed behind her, back to their future selves.

He turned around to look over his shoulder, and twitched at the intimate scene he saw going on.

He shook his head, in what looked to be fear, and reered a leg up with Amy to the side in his arms as if ready to dash off.

She puffed up a cheek, and bonked him with her hammer on his head.

His eyes swirled as rings plopped out, and then shook his head from the effect and glared back at her, pouting.

She looked more sincerely to him, tilting her as if saying, ‘come on..!’ and showing she was truly worried about them.

Classic Sonic leaned his head up and away from her, but his eyes stayed fixed.

His ears drooped back in frustration, but he couldn’t resist her heartfelt plea.

He turned back to the Modern tragedy, and sighed, before racing back to them.

Sonic looked up from Amy crying and moved slightly, as Amy felt the shift and turned her head back to their Classic selves.

Classic Sonic stared at her a moment, not really liking her, but put his Amy down and folded his arms, waiting once more.

She nodded to him, a huge smile as to say ‘thank you for waiting for me’ and then ran up to Amy with a skip in her step.

Amy knelt down.

“I’m sorry… I pulled you away from your hero. All because me and my Sonic were fighting…” she put a hand up to her eye, wiping it gently. “I was… I was jealous… and embarrassed… because I knew you expected so much more from your future.” she bent her head down. “Sonic’s not always mean… And he doesn’t mean to be sometimes, but..”

Modern Sonic’s shoulders dropped as air escaped his nostrils, and he looked away, feeling awkward about being called out.

His younger self raised a judging brow to that comment, and looked to his future self.

Modern Sonic doubled-taked his expression before stomping a foot down and lifting a fist, warning him indirectly to quit judging him.

He then pulled back to turn away.

“Either way. I’m sorry for my selfish behavior. Me and Sonic are going to have a long talk now. So you can go. We’ll be okay. Many challenges can come up when you have close friends. But…” she looked down to the side, before up behind her at Sonic.

“Greater friends put differences behind them. And walk on towards a brighter future.” she smiled, as Sonic looked back to her, and then away to scratch his nose, as if embarrassed.

She giggled and turned back to Classic Amy.

Once she turned around, and he checked with his eyes to be sure of this, he leaned up to address Classic Amy, and held up a thumbs up and a signature wink with a smile.

It was as if he was telling her it would be alright too.

Seeing that the two were going to make-up made Classic Amy’s worried expression of love turn to pure delight, and she did her usual dance and happy twirling of jumps before rushing into Modern Amy’s arms and hugging her.

Once done, she raced back to her hero, who casually, as if duty, just scooped her back up without much care for the Modern scenario and walked off a moment, bouncing Classic Amy in his arms to get a good hold on her.

Also… it made her laugh, that could have contributed to the action too.

Modern Amy smiled when she saw them leave, before returning to a small, neutral frown and getting up, dusting off her dress.

“…You ready?” Sonic turned back to her, and offered his hand.

“….Em.” she looked at him, then the hand, and accepting a new trust needed to be formed, along with a new understanding, she took it.

The two, led by Sonic, walked off further down and away from humanity, finding some privacy.

“I’m… not good with compromises Amy… but I can explain… a little, of what I was doing so far away from everything.” he looked down, kicking the ground.

She nodded, her hand still in his.

“…I don’t want you to think… that it’s… entirely because of what I’m going to say. But i hope it explains my behavior lately…. especially towards you.”

She nodded again, wiping her eyes.

“…I… We’ve been getting..*ehem* we’ve spent a lot of time getting to know each other, you know?”

He let go of her hand, and threw his arms up behind his head.

She was surprised and perplexed by his suddenly shift in uneasiness, and blinked up at him.

“Huh?”

He stared off towards the sun.

“…We… We’ve *Ehem* had a lot of adventures together… you know?” he once again dropped his hands and continued to press his toe into the dirt.

“Makes a guy think… exactly… what this is… It’s difficult for me to really call it anything… or place a title on it… but…” he turned away and walked on, looking up again.

“Made me think. That’s all.”

She was suddenly, and very slowly, growing more and more interested in what he was trying to say.

She followed, suspiciously, behind him.

“What you took for um…*cough, ehem* ‘Anger’ was actually a cover.” Sonic placed a fist over his mouth, as if this was hard for him to articulate.

Amy’s stare held, before her eyes widened.

“What..”

“… was the cover?”

Sonic turned back around, facing her.

The light through the sky seemed to blare over the image of the two, details were lost, but words were crisp and clear…

He looked down again after a moment of staring.

His feet kicked up slowly over the other.

“That’s the thing… that’s hard for me to address… one I can’t name. Nor identify…”

He stopped closer in front of her, and slowly… rose his head up to her eyes.

“Out of fear.”

The wind rushed by.

Amy’s hair gently floated behind her, as she slowly held a hand up to her chest in a tight ball again, her heart pounding.

He looked at her expression, then her eyes, trying to read what she was getting from all this.

He looked away again, and walked briskly ahead once again, swinging his arms around.

“I can’t say I have an answer! But half the reason I wasn’t around for so long was one, the Gears, and two, some thoughts. More things popped up, but the thoughts were the most present and…”

He stopped from his carefree facade, and turned back to her… then swished his head away as if embarrassed or ashamed at his next word.

“Haunting..”

“Sonic…”

He immediately noticed her expression and grew shyer, more defensive, and especially continued to avoid being directly assertive again.

“Ehem.” he cleared his throat once more and folded his arms, looking away. “We should head back. I’ll try and be more considerate of your feelings this time. I’ll let you battle more and even take charge of your own positioning. Just… Just promise me one thing, Amy Rose.”

He turned back to her, swaggering up, before stopping the swaying to try and hold himself seriously again, but his nature suggested he tried to play most of his feelings off, and Amy was picking up on that.

His eyes were a serious plea, and Amy could hear the slight shift in tone too…

He wasn’t playing around.

This was a sincere desire of his heart for her too keep.

“Just.. Don’t get hurt. Don’t let me lose anything more.”

“….”

“Okay?”

She was going to keep that promise, forever..

And ever.

My feels right now, I need to go to bed, goodbye sweet, cruel world.

(AU-y, but I tried to stick to character as much as possible…)

Invited by Fate (Part 1)

A/N: All the people who have messaged me or sent asks with their favourite character/celebrities, you will meet your soul mate as well. Be patient and they’ll come. 

Follow Forever: @patanghill17@queenmariatheresia@fullvoidmoon @justmasblack @thepoet1975@nelswp @igotanaddixon @houseofrahl @deepestfirefun @sesshomaru-lover @heilith @hannibatchsmuse @epicallychrissy@buckyoakenshieldxo @junebuguniverse @emlowdah@ealasaid@fandomgalcentral @amagifu @thatgirlunderarock @disneymarina @thorins-magnificent-ass @thorin-thoughts @mortomary @xxbyimm @sdavid09 @mama-tole-me-not-2-come @thophil2941btw @nowiloveandwilllove@fromthedeskoftheraven @tinkertailor1212 @everyjourneylove@ladyharlequinreaper1992 @trumoo-foryou @littlespacesam


Whoever thought that there was actually someone watching me, who cared that I was lonely and wanted someone to call my own. For so long now I’d wandered through my life never having anyone who truly cared about me, wanted me or needed me. It was only ever just me. I wanted it to be you and me. Little did I know that someone had actually heard me.

One Friday evening I came home from work, shattered, as usual, and threw myself down onto my bed. I stared at the ceiling, wondering when things would change in my life; I wanted adventure, romance, spontaneity, just anything but this. I don’t know how long I lay like that until I felt something gently brush my hand. I jumped, shocked by the sensation and found an envelope in my palm. 

How the hell had an envelope got into my hand? It was dark now in the room, and all I could see was the outline of the rectangular shape. So I reached over and put on my bedside lamp, absolutely speechless at this find. 

Trembling, I opened the old fashioned letter. On the back was a wax seal, very regal looking. It actually made me smile and for the first time in I don’t know how long, I actually felt excited. The letter itself was on a small piece of card, with gold handwriting in such beautiful calligraphy. 

Dear Beautiful One, 

You are kindly invited by Fate to attend this year’s annual ball. 

May you find your soul mate. True love’s happiness awaits you. 

Fate. 

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, both annoyed and amused that someone would have gone to all this trouble to make a mockery out of me. Grunting, I tossed the piece of card across the room and sighed, dropping back down to my bed. 

Why would someone laugh at me like this? 

I cried myself to sleep, the loneliness and emptiness cutting deeper into my heart, made worse by someone’s cruel attempt at being funny. 

However, when I woke, I looked up at the ceiling and knew instantly that this was not my home. My heart began to thunder in my chest and I gasped, jumping off the warm bed to see that I was in an absolutely gorgeous bed chamber. It had a four poster bed, which I had just been lay on, an oak carved dressing table, a huge vase filled with roses sitting upon it and a full length dress mirror. The air was warm, smelled sweet and the walls were a pale yellow, with just the faintest hint of gold running through the paintwork. 

I walked towards the mirror only to see that I was now wearing a full length, midnight blue evening dress. My short hair had been gelled into a more perfected version of my usual style, brushed over to the left hand side of my face. The dress was stunning, falling almost to the ground and showing off a pair of matching blue slippers. The dress was encrusted with silver gems across the chest, and for the first time in my whole life I actually felt attractive. 

As I studied myself, I then noticed something on my wrist. In shimmering gold, like a bangle, were two words, obviously someone’s name. However, I had never heard of them before. 

Thorin Oakenshield. 

darling those marks on your soul add character

tell me this is your
last breath
&
I’ll give you half of
mine until we’re
both out

your heart isn’t missing
I keep it in my pocket
&
I take it out when I’m
a different shade
of loneliness
&
it reminds me I’m not
lonely at all
I’m just colorblind

I can’t give you
any answers
you can’t give me
any answers
but if you hold
my hand I will take
us to a place we will
never see the dark
again

we don’t have to fill
every waking moment
with poetry
the heart beats the
strongest in silence
&
love isn’t energy
it can spontaneously
combust at a bar,
a gas station,
on a blank page

I’m just as weak as you
you may not be as strong
I may not be as strong
but
we are strong enough
if we hold hands

darling
we can cyanide our memories
chop them up in the bath tub
put them in ziptied garbage bags
throw them in the fucking
Ottawa river
we can break frames
&
burn every picture of
everything and everyone
else who put us here
at least we’re here together

maybe we can postdate
letters thanking them
for showing us their true
colors
so we wouldn’t have to convince
ourselves we liked the shade

darling
I’ve seen your
colors
&
even though
I’m colorblind

you are the most beautiful
sunrise these eyes
have seen

Sidelines (A/F)

Originally posted by mvssmedia


Genre:- Angst ( A slight fluff in the end )
Word Count:- 2K
Warnings:- Mild swearing
Request:- “Can I request a tae imagine of him being your friend and then gets jealous because you keep going out to blind dates and then confesses his love for you, thank you.”

A/N:- this has been long overdue but we reached 400 followers and our recent projects(?) have been receiving so much love and I couldn’t be happier so thank you so much for your constant support!! I really hope you liked it! Even though there’s no actually human interaction I feel like voices are very intimate so I wanted to portray it here, I could make a second part with them meeting if you guys would like just request it!!

~Admin Dee


My mind is fuzzy, the last remnants of a dream being chased away by the realisation that I am awake again. It was a nice dream, something about sitting in a big oak tree in meadow full of flowers but the details are fading fast even as I try to recall them. With a mental sigh I allow my brain to focus and cautiously opened one eye. The bright shine of the moonlight cuts the room in half and I see the twinkling stars in the dark and beautiful airglow. “Why am I awake.” I mutter to myself as I pull the duvet up over my head to keep out the noise of my phone.

Unfortunately the noise doesn’t stop and my brain is awake, turning over and allowing my hand to peak out from the duvet and touch the side cabinets in search of the vibrating device that disturbed my sleep, after my hand wraps around my phone I shove the warm duvet to the side and sit up straight to then realize that the ringing has stopped, flipping my phone over I roll my eyes as I see the clock reading 4 AM and 7 missed calls from my stupid best friend, Kim Taehyung, before I can tap on the name and call him back he is already calling me again.

“Yah!.” he exclaims as soon as I answer his call, “ I’ve been calling you since forever why aren’t you answering my phone calls,”, he continues to say, “ If you haven’t noticed it’s 4am.” I retort to him with a displeased tone to showcase that I wasn’t happy with the fact that he disturbed my sleep, my retort must have awakened something in his brain because it was quiet for a few seconds before I heard his soft voice speak up, “ I’m sorry.”

Keep reading

I can feel this fire extinguishing away,
I lost everything I ever had,
Bruised by these memories,
I can see you slipping away,
These dreams, these expectations,
Everything is filled by the silence of this moment,
In the shadow of this loneliness,
I search for you,
In the depths of these heights,
I want to sink into you,
These moments melt away,
Leaving behind this ocean of lamentations,
My bleeding heart escorts me,
I am wide awake yet sleepy in these dreams of yours,
In the shadow of your long lost love…

-Pratibha Badgal AA

Yoonmin Fic Rec

This is a Rec filled List for: @bitchrumor Thank You again for requesting.

Smut = **

                                               __________

Wash Away My Loneliness by melecs

There are a lot of car washes in the area that could do a better job, but not all of them have Park Jimin as an employee. So Yoongi keeps coming back.


i carry your heart with me by thegrandoptimist

Yoongi has a bad habit of embarrassing himself but Jimin doesn’t seem to mind. 


You Make My Palms Sweat by heukhaneul

Jimin is definitely not crushing on his best friend’s other friend’s best friend.


** I’m Glad You’re My First (First for Everything) by heukhaneul

Jimin wasn’t a prude, he just liked saving his firsts for everything for someone special. And, that special someone was Min Yoongi.


A Discourse On Doubt by rainingover

Yoongi makes the mistake of asking for Jimin to show him his workout routine and regrets it almost instantly.


say it like you mean it by MauveTarte

In which Jimin has an asshole of a dorm mate and Yoongi is the residence advisor.


up all night (to get my luck) by cyphers 

“I just… Did someone in this room not just scream like they were about to be murdered?”

“Oh, that,” Taehyung says. “That was Jimin. He saw a spider.”


pull me closer in the backseat of your rover by moonsuns

Jimin had just wanted to get off. He didn’t think he’d end up with a boyfriend at the end of it all.

Or, another friends with benefits AU.


looking for: a nonplatonic hand holder by awsuga

prompt: Jimin tries to help Yoongi get a date.


swimming pool by awsuga

Jimin jumps into Yoongi’s swimming pool at 3 in the morning.

                                              __________

Note: Feel free to send in a pairing so I can make a list. You can send in a genre as well if you’d like.

Heartbeats and Loneliness (Zoe Murphy x Reader)

 A/N: Hello! My very first Zoe fic, yay! I hope you enjoy! I’m slowly but surely getting through request.
Requested: Yes
Words: 1,826
Warnings: Suicide, loss of loved ones to suicide
Summary:  Zoe and reader meet at a grief support group and open up to each other.

What life was and what life is are completely different stories. Lonely nights and bad choices go hand and hand for her. The life that used to be hers was something that was magical. Her life was the kind that you dream of before you fall asleep, or wished on a star for. Then one night the house became bigger and the life that people dreamed of having turned into a nightmare.

The all American family; that’s what your family was. Mom, dad, older sister, and you. Your parents met in college and have been together since. They were the couple that you see in commercials that make you cry when you’re emotional. Your sister was the girl from a catalog. She dazzled everyone that met her and left them needing more. She was the shoo-in for prom queen and valedictorian all while making everyone that met her feel special.
Maybe the forced smiles and “I’m just tired” dismissals were incredible acting or maybe nobody noticed. Who would think the perfect girl was in so much pain? You didn’t, but nobody did. That might have been what made finding her, lifeless, in her bedroom so… well there aren’t any words to describe it. To say your heart stopped and broke into a million pieces might be right, but saying that your heart was torn from your chest and devoured by a pain that can’t be fixed seems more accurate. All you know is that you can’t seem to find a beat anymore.

So here you stand, at the entrance of a community center following the sign that haphazardly guides you to a grief support group that you’ve been going to for a few weeks. This wasn’t any grief support group, but one for people who lost family members to suicide. Your mom insisted on taking you to the group, even though it was a town away from yours. You couldn’t say no to her since the idea of you getting out of bed made her stop watching Oprah long enough to look you in the eyes.
You entered a bland room with a circle of chairs and a wobbly table with cookies on them. People wandered around eating and softly chatting with each other. The group consisted of many ages, but you, a high school student, were the youngest. By now you recognize most of the faces, but a new one face at the entrance caught your attention. At the entrance, tentatively stepping in, was a girl, who looked around your age. Her eyes searched the room, looking for anything or anyone that seemed familiar. Her eyes finally landed on you and it seemed that she decided you were the best option to go to.
“Hi,” was all the girl said as she walked next to you, looking anywhere but to you.
“Hi,” you spoke, “is this your first time here?”
“That easy to tell?” she replied, now twisting her hair.
“Well, I’m pretty new so it was a lucky guess.” This time you got a glance and small smile. With that the group leader called everyone to sit down. You and the mystery girl sat down next to each other.
“I see a few new faces here today,” said Timothy, the leader of the group, “I’m always glad that people have found this group in times of need.  For the newbies we start clockwise and you’ll just say your name, who you lost, how you’re doing, or anything that feels right.”
With that the group started. It was always startling to hear people tell you and strangers the most painful parts of their lives. Sure you had talked, but it was never in detail.
“Uhm…my name is Zoe, and my brother killed himself,” this soft declaration from the girl next to you brought you from your trance. “I guess I’m doing okay. My parents thought it would be smart to talk to others who’ve gone through stuff like I have. So yeah that’s all.” Zoe fiddled with her shirt as she spoke.
“Y/n?” Timothy asked breaking your gaze from Zoe.
“Oh, sorry. I’m y/n and my older sister killed herself. I’m doing alright today.”
“Y/n you haven’t really spoken about feelings since you’ve joined us. Would you mind expressing how you are feeling?”
“What’s there to express? My sister’s dead. Can’t really change it.”
“We both know there is more to say.”
“Well, maybe next week I’ll think of the more.” Timothy didn’t push anymore and moved on. From the corner of your eye you could see Zoe looking at you, curiosity filling her eyes.

When the group was over Zoe walked up to you.
“Do you want to get some ice cream, or something?” You were taken aback for a second but quickly recovered and nodded your head.
“Sorry if that seemed weird, but my mom wants me to make some friends in the group and you’re the only one my age.”
With that the two of you walked to the local ice cream parlor and sat together in comfortable silence. For the first time in a long time you had some company and it was nice.


This started becoming what you did after group. You and Zoe would get ice cream together after saying as little personal information in group as possible. You would eat and talk about simple things, how you felt, but never about the nameless siblings that brought you to the group. The friendship between both of you grew to the point where after two months of knowing each other and talking almost daily, it was decided that you would hang out, outside of group.

You went to Zoe’s house and arrived five minutes early. You were let in by Mrs. Murphy who was kind and offered you food. You were quickly pulled you away and you entered Zoe’s room, but not before catching a glance of a room that looked to be of a teen boy.
“That was his room,” Zoe said knowing where your eyes wandered while you both sat on her bed.
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t me-”
“It’s fine.” A nervous silence filled the room as you looked anywhere, but Zoe.
“His name is- was Connor,” she spoke surprising you from your awkward fidgeting.
“He was 17 and he took a bunch of pills and my mom found him. I’m not feeling that great after all, I’m just angry. It has been six months, but I’m still mad, at everyone. I’m mad at Connor for being a crappy brother, I’m mad at my parents for not noticing, I’m mad at Evan for lying, but I’m so mad at myself. I’m furious I didn’t pay attention to his suicide threats, I’m pissed that I let myself believe Evan, and I’ll never, ever forgive myself for not trying more with Connor because now he’s a ‘was’. He used to be‘this’, he used to be ‘that’, but now he’s a ‘was’ because he won’t get to do anything in the present anymore. He was alive, but he isn’t anymore.” The declaration from Zoe was met with silence from you. You looked at this girl who you had spent so much time with, and here she was saying what she never said in a group meant for those words.
“My sisters name was Lucy,” you spoke quietly. Zoe’s head snapped to your direction, her eyes begging for more information.
“She slit her wrists and I found her. She was so lifeless. The girl who was always full of life was lifeless. I don’t understand why I had to find her. It seems like some cruel joke since she was everything I ever wanted to be and more. I could tell she was dead, but you don’t want to believe it.”
“You still see them with all the life they had, right?”
“Exactly, it just doesn’t seem possible that the person you had known your whole life was suddenly gone.”
“Connor and I didn’t get along. He was mean and a bully, but he was still my brother. I’m used to him being locked in his room, so sometimes it feels like he’s still here. When I’m setting the table I have to remind myself not to put a plate down for him. I have to remind myself not to come up with jokes in my head to tell him when he’s in a good mood. I have to remind myself he’s dead and that I’ll never see him again.” Tears were now streaming freely down both of your faces. Your hands had found one another, and held tightly to each other.
“It’s so unfair,” you said with tears catching in your throat. The simple words reached Zoe and she held onto your hand tighter.
“It’s beyond unfair. People say life isn’t fair when talking about not getting a job or when someone you like doesn’t like you, but this is more. This hurts constantly  because something is missing and no matter how hard you search you won’t find it, and you are reminded of how alone you are.”
“Timothy is going to be so proud of this,” you said wiping away tears from your face, causing a small laugh to escape from Zoe’s lips.
“Besides you aren’t alone anymore, you’ve got me,” you said as you brought Zoe into a hug. The two of you held each other letting stray tears fall.
“It sometimes feels like when Lucy died I lost my heart, and I can’t find a beat,” you blurted. You weren’t sure why you felt the need to tell Zoe this, but she had shared so much it only felt right to tell her.
“Let me check for you,” Zoe said. She gently pushed you to lie down on her twin sized bed. Confusion was obviously written across your face as Zoe gently lay next to you and placed her head on your chest. For the first time in months your heart seemed to beat a little faster with Zoe next to you.
“Well I can hear your heart beating, but just to check,” Zoe spoke softly placing her fingers on your wrist, “you have a strong pulse too.”
“Thank you,” you said softly.
“Not a problem at all,” she said placing her head back onto your chest. Silence once again filled the room, but instead of echoing loneliness something else bounced back, something special and filled with possibility.
“Oh and y/n?” Zoe said gently.
“Yes?”
Zoe gently placed her lips on yours. You could feel your heart beat, actually beat. You let yourself fall into the kiss and feel the moment. You both slowly broke the kiss.
“I know we’re both missing what Connor and Lucy took when they died, but with you it almost feels like it’ll be okay,” Zoe said.
“I can feel my heart beating when I’m with you,” and with that the space between you both was closed.