Today is my brothers service and I’m supposed to be speaking but I don’t think I can do it because I’m starting to feel very sick. My stomach is turning and my head is spinning. I think the reality of him being gone is hitting harder than it has in the last week. I’m just supposed to go on with my life without him? It’s just not fair. He lived his life in pain and sickness. He never got to experience anything outside of that. He should have been the one to carry on with his life and heal so he could live. I’ve lived. I’ve accomplished enough. Why wasn’t it me instead of him?