my hand looks like an awkward claw

✨Squad Goals Episode 8: The St. Johns✨ 🔞


It’s really hard to look graceful with a dick in your mouth but somehow my girl pulls it off. Rhiannon’s hair is in a messy bun and she’s naked save for a little black thong that leaves nothing to my very active imagination. I let out a loud groan as her tongue caresses a throbbing vein and her fingers clutch at my thighs. Kylie had fallen asleep pretty early on and with my help Rhiannon and I loaded her into the house’s elevator and put her in her bed careful to prop her leg up the right way.

The camera crew decided that they had enough footage for part of the episode and the next part would be from the visit Rhiannon and I had planned to see her parents. 

“Oh fuck” I say as Rhiannon gets a little higher on her knees and places my dick in the valley  between her breasts she squeezes her boobs together and coaxes me to thrust my hips back and forth. With a few expert strokes of her hands and the sultry stare of encouragement that never left her face I’m coming with a loud groan and hissing equally loud when she squeezes my dick in a vice grip.

“How’s that feel b-” before Rhiannon can finish her words A giggling Gigi and Kendall stumble into her room.

“Hey Rhi we’re ba- HOLY SHIT ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING?” Rhiannon hops off of her knees and shields her breasts before grabbing a blanket to cover up my dick.

“Why the fuck don’t you guys ever knock in this house?!” I yell and Rhiannon is blushing so red that I think her face must feel like it’s 100 degrees.

“Because it’s our house Bieber shit!” Gigi covers her eyes childishly while Kendall keeps trying to fucking peek. Rhiannon has slipped on a tshirt and I want to cry at the loss of the sight of her boobs.

“I thought you two wouldn’t be back until like, next week?” Kendall waltzes over to Rhiannon and I and plops down on her bed i clench my fists and wonder if this situation could get any worse. As if someone heard my thoughts Kylie’s handicapped ass hobbles into the room. She assesses the situation and her face contorts into a look of disgust.

“You guys caught them fucking?” Gigi turns takes her hand from over her eyes and gives Kylie an awkward hug that causes her to teeter on her crutches.

“Rhiannon was giving Bizzle a blowie” Gigi relents and I literally want to die I look back at Rhiannon who has since buried her face into a pillow

“Idk… Looked like a boobjob to me” Kendall says and Rhiannon mumbles something from her pillow.

“What Rhi?” My girlfriend lifts her head from the pillow and shouts,

“It was both! Okay? Now please get out!” Kendall mimics cat claws, Kylie rolls her eyes and Gigi has once again covered her eyes.

“ I just wanted some water” Kylie announces and Gigi is the first to exit. Kendall follows with a sigh and stomps out of the room,

“so prudish!” She calls from the hallway and Rhiannon beats a fist against her pillow. I look at her and she raises her head to throw me a small smile.

“We need to lock the door babe” I tell her but she gives a snort and shakes her head.

“Do you think that will stop them?” I nod at her point and she smashes her face back into her pillow.


Justin holds my hand with his right one and uses his left hand to hand to steer the wheel of my G-wagon.

“Are we there yet?” Kylie whines from the backseat and Gigi lets out an obscene snore that scares the shit out of Zayn causing him to bump his knee into her leg.

“Fucking hell!” Kylie yells and Justin swerves a little at the noise,

“better get all your potty words out Kylie because Rhiannon’s parents don’t play that shit” Justin advises and I nod in agreement my parents didn’t fuck around with bad language.

“I hope your mom makes those oatmeal raisin cookies Rhi, I ate like twenty last time mmmmm” I text my mom and ask if she can ‘pretty please’ make the cookies and she responds with a cute smiling emojii and a few hearts.

“We set fam” I tell Gigi who squeals in delight, this noise startles Zayn from his half asleep half awake state and he groans.

“Can ya’ll shut the fuck up? You’re going to wake up my pillow” Za says from the very back where his head rest comfortably against Kendall’s chest it was a wonder how she was sleeping through all of this.

“You don’t get any cookies then Za” I tell him in a teasing tone but he’s unfazed as he snuggles closer to Kendall,

“I got all the cookies I need St. John” he whispers before closing his eyes once more.

“Who’s going to break the news to Za that Kendall is on a pussy only diet this month?” Gigi whispers loudly and we all laugh at that.

We finally make it to the coastal city of Carmel, California where I’d bought my parents a super reclusive and large villa styled home. I had been a little iffy to have my mom and dad on the show but after discussing it with them I felt way better.

“This is your life Rhiannon Amelia, and we want to be as much a part of it as we can” my dad had said and my mom shouted her agreement from the background.

“I love your parent’s house it’s like from a fairytale” Kylie says dreamily as I help her out of the car and up the driveway.

“Yeah, my mom and dad are super into nature so I went with a Sherwood theme” Kylie hands me her crutches and I guide her up the short steps leading up to their door. Gigi, ever the ball of energy, races up to the door and rings the doorbell leaving Zayn to groggily get out of the car with an equally grog filled Kendall. My smile is so big that my face hurts when I see my parent’s figures move behind the stained glass doors and suddenly, for some reason I’m crying.

“Amelia!” My dad booms, before picking me up in a bear hug that my mom tries to join with her tiny self

“sweetheart!” My mom says and her eyes are brimming with tears as well

“I missed you both so much!” I say and join their hug. It’s a team effort to guide Kylie to the living room and place her onto a couch and drag an ottoman out for her to rest her leg on.

“ Where is that boyfriend of yours?” My mom asks and a second later Justin, Kendall, and Zayn come through the door. Justin hugs both of my parents and they gush over how much they’ve missed him. Justin sits between the both of them and Zayn introduces himself.

“I smell cookies Mrs. SJ” Gigi hints and my mother grins

“let me guess, you were the one who requested them hmm Jelena?” Gigi blushes and buries her face into Zayn’s shoulder. My mother gets up to grab the cookies and my dad turns to Justin with a mock serious expression,

“You been taking care of my little girl Bieber?” He asks in a grade A dad voice and Justin nods

“yes sir” he says confidently and my dad claps him on the back,

“attaboy” he says and Justin smiles. We’re all munching on some warm cookies when I notice that my mom and dad are staring at me with timid expressions painting their faces.

“You guys okay?” I wondered with a mouthful of chewy raisins and oatmeal and my mom hands me a napkin. I take it and wipe at my mouth.

“Darling… We asked you here not only because we missed you very much, but because we got a call,” my dad begins and a hush falls over my chatting friends.

“ A call from who?” I ask and suddenly I’m not interested in  the cookies so I put the one I was about to devour back onto the plate and Za reaches for it.

“The adoption agency. They wanted to know if you would be willing to meet your birth parents” the room is now silent and all eyes are on me. I had never really thought of my birth parents. To my limited knowledge I was dropped off at a fire station just outside of New Jersey and from there put into an orphanage and once I aged out, a series of foster homes. Justin senses my turmoil and comes to kneel beside me I take his hand and squeeze it.

“What did you tell them?” I ask my parents and they look at each other before facing me,

“well, we told them that it was entirely up to you and that given your high profile status this would need to be a very under the table affair” I nod and feel an appreciation for my parent’s discretion.

“What do you think I should do?” I ask them and my mother gives a sweet grin

“Whatever you want Rhiannon” and my dad nods to suggest that was his answer as well.

“Did the agency say anything else?” My dad nods and gives a sigh

“your birth parents are in possession of your birth certificate, your original one. It has your name on it” my heart began to beat fast and the room began to spin a bit. I had been Rhiannon Jones for half of my life a made up last name by the orphanage.. My first foster mother, a kind older woman named Mrs. Guerrin had named me Rhiannon and once my mom and dad adopted me I’d been given my middle name, Amelia, and a permanent last name.

“What um… what is it?” I wouldn’t use my original name because it was the creation of someone who didn’t care enough to keep me anyway. I would always be Rhiannon St. John.

“It’s quite beautiful actually dear, Ingrid Lucia Castillo” I was expecting the name to change my life but I didn’t feel anything just a simple understanding of the syllables and that was it.

“That’s a pretty name baby” Justin says leaning against me and kissing my hand

“real gorgeous,” Kendall says sincerely before throwing me an encouraging wink.

“I’ll meet them,” I say with an air of finality and I gaze upon the faces of my family who seem proud of my decision.

“I’ll meet them and I’ll bring all of you with me.” I decide, and Za looks around the room before calling out,

“Road trip!” I can’t help but smile.

sometimes i want to shake autism parents and shout “but does it matter? does it matter?” like. your son is 4 and can’t use a fork. you know how old i was when i learned to use cutlery? 2. you know how old my slightly younger brother was? 10. think you can tell by looking at us now? you can’t. 

or, i was your daughter’s age (9) when i went to a 3-part audition for a local musical production. out of everyone there, i nailed the acting, if i do say so myself. but i am terrible at following dance routines and my fumbling, spinning the wrong way, look of confusion and awkwardness must have stuck out very prominently, like it did with your daughter. when it came time to sing i was so flustered from the dancing that i forgot the tune to every song in existence. i cried myself sick. 

did it matter? that day, yeah. now? no. not at all. except that i’m still proud of my little self for going, and for being the only person in the hall who recited the given lines with my back hunched and my hands clawed and my little voice doing its best attempt at croaky cockney. that matters. that your daughter tried, got involved, danced, enjoyed it matters. stop drowning yourself in the little differences.