my hair is my temple

10

(✿ ♥‿♥) Santa Beard Appreciation 

There are roses on Derek’s doorstep.

No note. No scent trail. After determining that there is nothing inherently magical or deadly about them, he spends the entire rest of the day researching symbolism and archaic demon customs, trying to figure out what kind of death threat he’s just been handed.

It doesn’t occur to him until nightfall, when the neighbors start discussing their romantic dinner plans at a decibel he has trouble tuning out, that he realizes the flowers might not have been delivered with malicious intent.

Because, apparently, today is Valentine’s Day. And apparently someone decided that Derek should receive flowers to celebrate the occasion.

Derek Hale has a secret admirer.

He honestly would have preferred the death threat.

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Something Sweet

Dean x Reader

Ice cream for breakfast leads to something sweeter.

Warnings: NSFW, Fluff, making out, explicit smut quickie, hunting injury.  
WC: 1669 On AO3

A/N: This is for @atari-writes Birthday Challenge- Happy Birthday! Prompts are L and #8 in bold. And for @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog RomCom Fluff Challenge, Prompt #52 from Never Been Kissed in bold italics. 


It’d been a rough hunt. Sam, Dean, and I had been ambushed by more vamps than we expected, and barely made it out of there alive. Two hundred miles later we were home and as the Impala rolled into the garage I slowly opened my eyes. Dean turned the car off and looked over his shoulder.

“Wake up, sweetheart. We’re home.” He opened the driver’s side door and crawled out before opening the backdoor. “Can you walk by yourself?”

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Friends With Benefits: Bill Skarsgard... Chapter 6

Originally posted by imaginingyournotsolikelyfuture

The next few days passed in a blur and things with Bill were different, a nice different.

He was so invested in me and even kept his word, he didn’t push me to talk about what happened on the hill top, he was waiting for me to be ready and bring it up myself.

This morning I’d awoken to him pushing the hair from my face and placing a lingering kiss on my temple.

My eyes fluttered open and I was met with the sight of Bill leaning over the bed, I smiled sleepily at him and I lifted myself up to lean against the headboard, holding the sheets to my chest.

I was so tired from the last few days on set that I’d slept through the night and not even felt Bill get up or heard him get ready.

“Where are you going?” I asked, looking him up and down.

“I have a meeting.”

He was clad in a fitted black shirt that was tucked into slim, dark grey trousers that were fastened with a black belt and his hair was gelled into place.

I bit my lip and looked up at him through my eyelashes.

“Don’t.” He warned, narrowing his eyes.

I tilted my head at him and smiled innocently, before pulling him down onto the bed with me and pushing him onto his back.

I dropped all the sheets around me and climbed on top of him, straddling him and pinning his arms by his head.

He groaned but watched as my breasts bounced and he shifted under me, it was pretty obvious that his trousers had just become tighter.

“I’ve literally just told you I have a meeting.” He laughed, making no effort to remove himself from under me, even though he was considerably stronger than me.

“And? We’ve got time.” I began unfastening the buttons on his shirt, revealing his milky skin to my eager eyes.

“My ego hurts at those words, I must admit and as badly as I want you right now, I really have to go.” He sighed, flipping us over and kneeling between my legs as he fastened his shirt back up.

I lay with my arms behind my head, staring at the white ceiling of Bill’s room.

“When will you be back?” I wondered, looking downwards towards him.

“A couple of hours maybe, I’m not sure.” He shrugged, focusing hard on my naked body and running his hands down my thighs.

“I’m gonna head back to my place, I need to get showered and I bet my post is mounting up. My neighbours probably think I’m dodgy or something, I’m literally never there these days.” I laughed, leaning up onto my elbows as Bill removed himself from the bed and adjusted his hair, pushing it back into place and shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Wanna do something after my meeting?” He wondered and I nodded.

“Target trip?” I asked excitedly and he rolled his eyes.

“Fine.” He groaned, and I clapped my hands.

“You’re such a pushover.” I giggled, now sitting up on Bill’s kingsize bed.

“I’ll show you pushover later, but right now I really need to get going.” Bill hurriedly kissed my lips and left the bedroom, I could head him jog downstairs.

I waited until I heard the sound of his car pull out of the driveway, the gravel crunching underneath the wheels and that’s when I finally decided to get my backside out of bed to brush my teeth in the en suite bathroom.

I shoved my hair up into a disheveled bun and washed my face, removing any reminents of toothpaste from around my mouth.

I quickly sprayed some deodorant just to last me until I got home and could have a good scrub in my bath or in the shower, depending on my mood.

When I was back in Bill’s room I mooched around for the first set of underwear I could find, which just happened to be plain black.

I stole another t-shirt from Bill which was white with a random print on the front and rolled the sleeves up so they didn’t hang awkwardly at the crease of my elbow, I hated that.

Luckily, I had a few pairs of Joni jeans hanging around here so I merely shoved a light blue pair on and was good to go.

I was pretty impressed with how briskly I’d managed to get myself ready, although I definitely had the advantage seeing as I hadn’t applied any make up.

I tidied up Bill’s bedroom and made his bed, pulling up the blinds to allow the morning sunlight to flood the room and wake me up further.

I made my way downstairs and to the door, where I just pulled my vans on, grabbed my bag and had a quick scan inside to make sure I had everything including my wallet, keys, iphone and my glasses.

I was pretty content that I’d got everything and that I’d tidied Bill’s place up accordingly so left the house after setting the alarm and locking the door behind me.

I’d driven over here yesterday so my white Audi was parked up and waiting for my entry.

I unlocked my car and hopped right in, dumping my bag on the passenger seat.

I belted up and pressed the button to start my car, seeing as it was a keyless start. I got into gear and began the long descent back onto the road, eager to get home.

I’d been back and forth to Bill’s place over the last month and it was starting to feel pointless paying rent for such a gorgeous apartment when all I did was stay at his.

I pulled up to my apartment complex, parking in one of my designated spots and locked my car up once I’d grabbed my bag.

I punched in the code and opened the door to the building, entering the foyer where I collected my post.

I mindlessly flipped through the envelopes,  scrunching my nose up at the sheer amount of junk mail I’d received.

I climbed up the stairs to my floor, where only my apartment was and shoved the key into the lock, happy to be home.

I kicked my shoes off, dumped the post and my bag on the kitchen counter which happened to be around the corner from my front door and also threw my keys down next to the items.

My apartment was in pristine condition, mostly because I liked to keep it tidy because I was a slight neat freak. It worked out pretty well for me though, because Bill was the same.

I flopped onto my couch, grabbing my MacBook from the glass coffee table and placing it onto of my folded legs, logging onto my account and almost immediately pulling my emails up since I’d neglected them pretty bad.

I flicked through the junk emails, sending them straight to trash folder. Most of them were pretty standard, a few asking of my availability for the rest of the year but one in particular caught my eye.

The name was unfamiliar and the subject merely said ‘an interview with the hottest couple of 2016’ and my heart sank just at reading those words, but it was nothing compared to the actual email itself;

An invitation to Miss Mya Williams,

We hope you are able to join us at our Beverly Hill studio to participate in an interview that delves deep into the reality of dating one of the biggest upcoming actors of the year, we would be delighted if both yourself and Bill Skarsgard could attend and reveal all to us and your fans.

I hope to hear from you in the upcoming days,

Lizzie Sharp
Entertainment Central

My mouth was agape and my heart was beating so aggressively against my chest, why would this reporter lady want to interview Bill and I over being a couple when there was literally no proof or anything out there to suggest that we were more than friends.

We were so careful about doing anything on the set of the last television show we worked together on, that ceased filming a few days ago. I don’t know if Lizzie was working with information that had sprung from rumours, since Bill had gotten big, the public were interested in his personal life, specifically his love life and people were quick to pin me to him.

I hastily sent the email to the junk folder, where it was going to lay dormant with he rest until I went on a deleting spree.

If I didn’t reply to the email, surely it would all go away, right?

I tried to forget about the strange email, hoping to never receive anything like it again.

I pulled up twitter, signing in and having a mindless scroll through my timeline, favouriting the odd tweet and retweeting a few cool pieces that had some relevance to my life.

I also decided to tackle my mentions, which filled up a lot these days after my work was revealing to the world of critique. I mostly got compliments galore and the odd comment that came from a pre pubescent girl who liked to slate my every move, every breath I took.

After moving to LA I grew a back bone and learnt to take shitty comments on the chin, and because of this grew my delightful personality that consisted of sarcasm and standing up for myself.

I yawned as I weaved through the mentions, not particularly interested.

Well, that was until I came across multiple pictures of myself and Bill spamming my mentions. I rolled my eyes, people loved to be nosey.

Although what I did notice was that it was the same three images across multiple tweets, so I decided to enlarge them and what met my eyes were pictures of myself and Bill looking awfully close.

Sickness overwhelmed me, as did sheer panic.

The first image was of us on set, with me on his back and a huge smile on his face as I whispered something into his ear.

The second was of us walking to the restaurant in Beverly Hills in the other day with his arm thrown over my shoulders.

The final image was of us in the restaurant, taken through the window and we were holding hands.

It didn’t look good for us, and I figured it was better to say nothing than to try and magic up a lie that probably made us look shadier.

I let out a growl and slammed the my laptop shut, throwing it to the side of me and covering my face with my hands.

I knew this would happen, but I thought it’d be easier to deny and it was only a matter of time before the tabloids had the pictures printed in every magazine in America.

The last thing we needed getting out was that we both liked each other and the sheer amount of time we spent together, or to have any more picture taken of us without our knowledge.

To say I was worried was an understatement, being so out there now meant that the press would start digging and the last thing I wanted plastered over the internet was my sad excuse of a life.

I didn’t need anyone to know that I’d dropped out of school and that I hadn’t even wanted to attend college. I didn’t want anyone to know that my parents absolutely hated me for doing these things, I was nothing but an embarrassment to them.

I definitely didn’t need Bill to have to endure the comments that would be thrown at him about my age or my background and it was a blessing that he didn’t have any social media or it was certain that this would have blown up even bigger.

I have no idea how long I was sat on my couch wallowing in self pity but the sound of my phone ringing, along with he vibrations snapped me out of my trance.

I yanked it out of my back pocket taking a quick glance at the caller ID, almost shouting out in frustration at the sight of Bill’s name.

I couldn’t bring myself to answer it, so speedily pressed the reject button on the screen.

There was pure silence for a minute before it rang again, flashing up once more with his name. I knew that he’d keep calling if i didn’t pick up, he was the most persistent man I’ve ever met.

“What’s up?” I breathed, running a hand down my face.

“Oh, hey. I’ve just finished with my meeting, are you ready?” He asked, most obviously speaking to me over the speaker in his car.

“Erm, no. I don’t feeling like going out anyway, feel free to head back home.” I excused, the thought of being pictured out together again making my head spin with anxiety.

“Why not? You love going to Target, you were so up for it this morning… is something wrong?” I could almost imagine him frowning in confusion, because it was true, I fucking loved Target.

“I just don’t feel brilliant, Bill. Look, I’ll talk to you later, bye.” I spoke in a rush, hanging up the phone and dropping back into the cushions of my couch.

Tears spilled over and I sobbed quietly, more overwhelmed than anything.

I didn’t move to LA to become the focus of every gossip magazine, I came to escape my old life. This wasn’t what I wanted, I just wanted to work and be happy.

I merely wanted to be left alone, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Bill was the only person who knew almost everything about me, he was the one person I knew who would catch me if I fell.

A knock at my door pulled me away from the darkness that was just my thoughts and I wiped the tears from under my eyes, sniffling and breathing deeply before hopping up from the couch and plastering on a smile ready for whoever was on the other side of the door.

I twisted the inside lock and pulled it open, cursing at myself for not checking through the spy hole before opening the door.

“What are you doing here? I told you I didn’t feel like going out.” I muttered, leaving Bill at the door and walking into my kitchen.

I heard him close the door behind him and he followed me, and I could feel him watching my every move as I leant on my sink and looked out of the window in front of me.

“You sounded upset on the phone and I’m not an idiot.” He remarked, his presence strong behind me.

I made a face and gritted my teeth.

“You’re an idiot if you forgot how to use your key and let yourself in.” I whispered to myself, watching as the sun moved behind the clouds.

“What’s up with you? You were fine this morning, right until I left. Now I’ve finished my meeting and you have no interest in being around me, and I can’t figure out why.”

I span around harshly, taking him off guard.

“I told you to be careful with what you did in public, the hand holding, the cuddling! Now the press have got photos of us and they’re all over the fucking internet and I have people emailing me asking for interviews, I knew this would happen, I told you that people would start speculating!” I yelled at him, his eyes widening at my sudden tone of voice.

“What pictures? You need to get a grip, Mya! We take one step forward and two back and I specifically remember telling you to not worry and just let people speculate. We’re the only people who need to be involved in our business, it’s our own business.” He spoke back, making me roll my eyes.

“It’s not even speculation that’s the problem, Bill. It’s the fact that people have confirmation that there’s something going on between us, and I don’t know what to do about it.” I spoke, my voice cracking and more tears threatening to fall.

Bill let out a prolonged breath and advanced towards me with his arms outstretched, they wrapped around me like a shield.

“There’s nothing you can do, or that you need to do. But I think it’s time to face the facts or maybe our feelings in this case.“ Bill murmured into my hair.

I nodded against him, my face buried into his neck.

Now was the time.

"I’m pretty damn sure that I’m in love with you.” I admitted against the skin of his neck.

“Well that’s good then, because I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you to.” He replied, pushing me back gently and holding my face between his hands.

I looked up at him and once our eyes met I felt every ounce of hurt, upset and anger leave my body.

He rested his forehead against mine and pressed a kiss to my lips, it was gentle, like a feather touching you for a second.

I kissed him back and let my arms go up around his neck, so grateful to be in his arms.

He pulled back for a second and I almost let out a whimper at the loss of contact.  

“Be my girlfriend, wife, whatever. I just know that I need you, all of you.” Bill revealed and I nodded.

“Can we not say anything to the press? or to anyone, just not yet.” I asked, touching his full bottom lip with mine.

“Whatever you want.” He whispered, grasping my face harder and crushing his lips on mine.

This was it.

This was official.

Friends with benefits didn’t really work out the way I planned but I think it was for the best and now all feelings, secrets and confessions are out there.

I just hope nothing ruins it.


                                     xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

- Hey everyone, I’m so thankful for your patience with me and I’m so glad to finally have this chapter up. I hope you enjoy this filler and there will be more tomorrow :) Also thank you for your wishes of wellness, they’re very much appreciated 😘

I just burst out crying because I remembered that Pike isn’t going to be able to have God talk & funbuns with Vax anymore… 

Will You Stay?

Bucky x Reader

Summary: Don’t let go of him. He needs you. He wants you stay, but he doesn’t know how to say it.

Warnings: Angst, all that good shit, it’ll end with a sort of cliffhanger idk i like to call it an interpretive ending but whatever floats your boat, also the obvious language warnings and mentions of baby buck not being okay :-(

Word Count: 9.1k (i’m SORRY)

Author’s Note: so, again, thank you to my inspo tag bc I saw this quote and it’s been churning in my head for so long but I’ve never had the chance to actually sit down and write it. This literally took me a full year to write so let’s see how it goes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also this could possibly go into a part two if you guys want it. I have an idea for it but if people want to use their imagination to create their own ending then by all means! Anyways, feedback is more than welcome and please leave requests; I’d love to see what you guys want to read :)



It’s funny how easily someone’s world can come crashing down. How easily the bright colors that once painted your world turn to an ashen gray within a few short minutes. It’s sickening that love can raise you up to the sky and show you the world and the beautiful blues and golds of the sky. It’s intoxicating how drunk you feel off of the beauty and the glory of having it all, of seeing it all. How warm you feel, how weightless and limitless, like you’re the air. Twisting and turning, light and free. Young and spirited, wild and reckless and untamed.

Poets, authors and painters convey love with the prettiest words and the lightest shades of pink and yellow and white. They romanticize the fall, the moments before the leap and how wonderful it feels when you finally do.

What they never tell you about is after the fall. 

When you land. When you hit the ground so hard you feel yourself slip away for a little bit, your head spinning and you’re grasping for that feeling to be light again. They never tell you about how tight your chest is and how much it fucking hurts, like you’re bleeding yet desperately trying to sew yourself back together at the same time.

No, they never tell you about after the fall. Because where’s the romance in that? Nobody wants to write about the hardships, the pain and emptiness. Nobody wants to look at a painting splattered with red and black and the darkest purples. Where was the beauty in that?

There was no beauty. There was nothing to put on a pedestal, nothing to turn into a pretty picture with a smiling face. All that is left are cracked smiles and bruised knuckles and whispered hopes of trying, begging for an answer. There is no beauty in stained cheeks and watery eyes. There is no romance in a broken chest and empty lungs.

Beauty is pain, perhaps, but pain is not beauty.

Pain is not painted with flowers and rich silks and velvet trim. Pain is lurking in the shadows, the silent master that waits patiently for its turn to remind you that beauty is not everything, that love is misconception, confusion and a liar. Pain is the reality that you refuse to believe in when you’re suspended in the clouds.

And how stupid was I, how naïve I was to believe I could escape reality. That I could live in my pretty little painting. Idyllic and serene and fashioned perfectly to what I wanted. Created by my own fantasies and selfish heart, my pretty little painting. My perfect world. Gone, without a warning and without a sign.

Beauty is pain, but pain is not beauty. And how I wished I had realized that sooner.


I stared at the wall; the blank white wall was all I saw. I focused on the chipped paint and tried to regulate my breathing.

The apartment was quiet. Deadly silent, not even my own breathing could be heard.


A loud clang of a coffee mug meeting the edge of the counter jolted me from my sleep. The string of curses that followed forced my eyes open as I tried to curl deeper into the mattress. Sleep seemed to evade me as the strong scent of crushed coffee grounds filled the apartment, followed by a low whistle that didn’t follow a tune but was catchy in its own way.

I stayed in bed until the heavy footsteps and continued whistling drew closer to the bedroom.

“Good morning,” a deep voice broke through the last of the drowsy haze that covered my eyes. I ran my eyes over the low slung sweatpants and loose gray shirt, the scoop neck revealed the slight swell of his pecs.  When I finally met his piercing blue gaze, my heart stuttered wildly in my chest and judging by the smirk on his face, he could hear it.

“Hi,” I answered in a soft voice, completely anticlimactic but it was all I could muster. He chuckled and bent down, pressing a soft kiss to my temple. He brushed the hair from my neck, the warm skin of his palm elicited goosebumps over my arms.

“I made you coffee,” he murmured as his thumb traced my jaw.

I hummed. “I know, I heard you.”

He winced and I couldn’t help but laugh as I sat up, letting the comforter slide from my shoulders. I crossed my legs as I took the coffee mug from the bedside table and took a tentative sip, careful of the steam that curled from the rim. His hand slid from my neck to my shoulders then dipped beneath my shirt to trace my spine. I watched him, amazed how the sun light reflected in his eyes and how warm his skin looked.

“Will you stay?” I whispered as I glanced at the clock. He usually had to leave me early in the morning, most of the times before I woke. It was rare for him to stay past nine. I was lucky if he even stayed until nine.

He smiled, soft and apologetic as he kissed my lips briefly, humming that silly little tune under his breath.

“Only for a little bit,” he replied but I nodded anyways. I took what I could get it. So we sat as I drank my coffee and chatted aimlessly, stopping every now and then for a lazy kiss. He made me laugh so hard I spilled coffee onto the white sheets of the bed, but I didn’t care. I saw it as another memory, a little reminder.

And when he took my mug back into the kitchen, he was still whistling that tune, quietly but it reverberated throughout the apartment until the birds outside were singing along too.


There was no whistling now. No humming. No empty coffee mugs and no chatty birds. There was nothing.

I turned my head away from the wall and immediately my eyes fell to the droplets of coffee, still stained on the sheets of the bed. They hadn’t gone away, no matter how many times I washed the sheets. But I hadn’t minded then, I had liked knowing that they would always be there. The faint coffee smell always sent be back to that morning, that little slice of heaven. Now it seemed to be taunting, reminding me of everything good that I had lost.

“I’ll kill him,” a voice spoke from the doorway. I chuckled, but it was humorless.

“No, you won’t,” I whispered. I tried to take my eyes away from the drops of faint brown, but I couldn’t. I could feel his lips on my forehead, temple and lips. I could feel the giddiness in my stomach and the fluttering in my chest. I felt it all.

“No, you’re right.” There was dip as the mattress moved to accommodate the extra weight. “That would be too easy. We need a better plan.”

I smiled but it felt wrong. There was a flash of red in my peripheral as a head came down to rest on my shoulder. A sigh rattled through my body as a fresh wave of tears threatened to consume me again but I fought them. I wouldn’t cry. Not again.

“I’ll be fine, Nat.” It sounded like I was trying to convince myself more than I was trying to convince her. Perhaps I was.

“Sure you will,” her voice had an easy confidence to it, something I wished I possessed. “But you’re not fine now. And that’s okay.”

I shook my head as I shrugged her off and pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes. “What a way to end the week,” I chuckled bitterly as my palms became slick with tears. Natasha laid a gentle hand on my back and was silent. She didn’t try to assure me that everything would be okay, that the world would answer my prayers that this day would end and the next day would be better. She knew. She knew how easily fate switched hands.

She knew what I knew, except she accepted it long before I did.


I gripped my umbrella tightly as the rain pattered against the polyester, the cool air bit at my cheeks as I waited at the crosswalk. It seemed the white man would never appear, just the harsh red hand telling me to stop. I sighed and tucked myself tighter into my coat as I allowed my eyes to gaze out to my surroundings until the fell upon a flower shop that acted as a coffee shop too. The faint scent of coffee and buttery scones caused a harsh ache to flourish in my chest.


“Jesus, how much sugar do you take?” He raised an eyebrow at me as I sat idly in one of the wrought iron chairs. The air was clear and the sun was strong as the bustling streets of Brooklyn seemed like an afterthought as I stared at him.

“Enough to make me happy,” I shot back. He shook his head but I could see the smile across his face as he made his way back to the counter to get me more sugar packets.

“You know this shit is fake, right? This isn’t what real sugar tastes like.”

“Excuse me. Did I judge you when you tore through that whole pack of gummy worms last night? No. So let me use my fake sugar in my coffee.”

He smirked and handed me the pink packets. He sat down and picked off a piece of blueberry muffin and popped it into his mouth. He was beautiful. Mahogany hair pulled into a loose bun as his strong jaw worked at the muffin. I hid behind my coffee cup to hide my blush as the sweetness nearly burned my throat. Perfect.

“Wait here,” he said as he abruptly stood up. I didn’t even have a chance to question him nor remind him that I couldn’t go anywhere since he was my ride. Instead, I waited while I sipped away at my coffee and people watched. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when I heard a distant pair of footfalls become louder. I turned my head and saw him walking towards me, a single rose clutched in his left hand.

“For you,” he murmured. My heart nearly fell out of my chest as I gasped softly. He normally didn’t do romantic gestures. He wasn’t a hearts and flowers kind of guy. Any sort of affection I got was behind locked doors where no one would see but us.

I took the flower, afraid if I reacted to quickly the moment would shatter. The faint scent tickled my nose and I couldn’t help but smile. A hand cupped my cheek gently, his thumb brushed over the rise of my cheekbone. It was fleeting, it was quick, but I felt the burn for hours after.

“Will you stay?” I whispered, staring into his bright blue eyes and begging for a different answer. His smile was forlorn as his eyes flickered to the rose, then to me.

“Only for a little bit,” he murmured then took the empty sugar packets in his hand and turned on his heel to throw them out.

And just like that, the moment was gone. Nothing but a memory and a rose to remind me that it was real.


I turned my head away, cursing the burn in my eyes. It had been two weeks since I had last cried over him and I refused to break that streak. I was finally doing better. I finally buried the pain deep enough so that it didn’t matter anymore.

The red hand changed to the white man and the crowd around my pushed me forward, leaving the memory behind me as the dismal rain pattered against my umbrella.


I moved four months after he left. The apartment was too suffocating; too much of him was left. Every time I stepped outside the streets of Brooklyn reminded me of him. I couldn’t turn a corner without seeing something that made me think of him. When my job had an opening in Boston, I pounced immediately and without a second thought I told my landlord I was leaving that month and paid the last of my rent.

“I wish you weren’t leaving.” Natasha frowned as I zipped up my suitcase, having to sit on the top due to the amount of clothes I had managed to stuff inside.

“Hey, it’s not forever,” I assured her as I rolled the suitcase out to the living room. “It’s like, a two hour ride in the jet, if that. I’m sure you’ll find some way to stop by after every mission.”

“He misses you,” she whispered and I froze as my heart crunched painfully in my chest.

“Nat, don’t.” I stalked into the kitchen and began to close the boxes filled with plates and cups.

“I know he’s why you’re leaving,” she murmured as she followed me. I recoiled like she had stuck me with a hot iron. “I know the job in Boston is good, but you don’t have to go. You don’t have to leave.”

“Yes I do.” I turned to face her. Her eyes regarded me with a soft sadness that made my mouth dry and my throat clench. “There’s nothing here for me, Nat. I came to Brooklyn for him. He’s gone. There’s no reason for me to stay.”

“If you just talked–”

“Natasha,” I finally snapped. I cursed the break in my voice as I turned my face away.

She sighed reluctantly and walked forward. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just – I don’t want you to leave. You’re like my sister, y’know?”

I smiled and felt a surge of gratefulness for her and flung my arms around her. She stiffened but relaxed a bit as she wrapped her arms around me. “I’m not far. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“I know. I’ve tried.” She smirked as I feigned offense. And just like that, the playful atmosphere returned but neither of us could ignore the taste of bitterness that tinged the air around us.


Mornings were not my thing. They weren’t something I avidly wanted to be a part of, especially on the weekends. So when some unseen force woke me up at seven on a Saturday morning, I was anything but happy. Yet, sleep evaded me and with a frustrated groan, I kicked off the covers and made my way into the kitchen. When I turned on the light, a scream forced itself out of my mouth when I caught a glimpse of the figure sitting at the breakfast bar.

“Hey,” the voice said, unphased and I immediately clutched my chest as I glared at the shadowy form.

“What the fuck Steve. Couldn’t you have knocked?”

Steve shrugged as he leaned forward. His blonde hair was limp against his forehead and his skin was paler than normal. “Didn’t want to wake you.”

“Oh, so sneaking into my apartment is your next best option?” He shrugged again and I rolled my eyes. “You Avengers need to learn a thing or two about privacy, Jesus.” Scowling, I stalked to the cabinet and pulled out a mug. “Coffee?”

“Please.”

I pulled out another and went to my Keurig and powered it on. “So, to what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked as I stopped by the refrigerator to grab the creamer.

“Nice place you have here.” Steve ignored my question as he glanced around my apartment. “Boston suits you.”

I nodded as I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out his play. “Yeah, I love it here. It’s peaceful.”

His eyebrows flickered up before the settled back down and he stared at the Keurig. He looked haunted. I frowned at his gaunt expression and turned to the Keurig and inserted Black Silk and slid his cup beneath the spout and pressed a few buttons and soon coffee was pouring into his cup. I knew how he took his coffee I had made it for him only how many times at the Facility. As soon as the coffee finished, I added creamer and one sugar before stirring idly and slid the mug to him.

He nodded his thanks and wrapped his hands around the mug. I saw the slight tremble to his fingers as he gripped the ceramic and I frowned again.

“Steve,” I murmured. “What’s going on?”

He flicked his eyes up and seemed surprised for a moment. “I forgot how perceptive you are. Bucky always loved that about you.” I winced at his name and immediately turned my head to the floor. Steve sighed and set down his cup and rubbed a hand over his weary face. For the first time, he looked his age, 98 years old and tired of the world. “Something’s happened. Things aren’t so good…at the facility,” he muttered and my blood ran cold. I gripped the edge of the counter as I struggled to remain composed.

“Is Natasha–?”

“She’s okay, it’s not her,” he assured me quickly and I visibly relaxed. “She wanted to be here but she had to stay.”

I furrowed my brow as I stared at Steve, my brain turning to try and keep up. “What happened? Why couldn’t she be here?”

Steve swallowed as his shoulders hunched forward. “She had to watch Bucky.” His voice was so quiet I could barely hear him.

“Watch Bucky?” His name felt weird against my lips. It was the first time I had spoken his name in months and automatically I felt something stir deep inside me. “Steve, what are you trying to tell me? What’s going on?”

Steve stared at the creamy liquid inside his mug. When his eyes finally met mine I was shocked at the pain that swam in the blue irises. “Bucky…he’s lost it. He, I don’t…I don’t know what to do.”

My heart shattered for Steve as I saw the hopelessness weigh him down and gray his features. “Steve…” I whispered softly.

“He’s just…he won’t eat. He won’t sleep, he won’t talk to anyone. He hasn’t left his room in two weeks. Nothing I say matters. It’s the…this is the worst episode he’s ever had. I’ve never seen him like this in my life.”

Tears pricked my eyes as I rounded the breakfast bar and collected Steve into a hug. He didn’t relax. His shoulders still tense but he let me rub his back. “I’m so sorry, Steve. I am.” I sighed softly as I pressed my cheek to his hair. “I don’t know what to tell you Steve, you know how he gets. There’s nothing you can do, nothing any of us can do.”

“Yes there is,” he whispered and pulled back as he stared at me. Instantly, I knew what he was going to say and I began shaking my head.

“Steve–”

“Please, listen. Please,” he begged. “He needs you. He’s not…he hasn’t been the same without you.”

I shook my head again, this time more adamant. “He doesn’t need me,” I whispered.

“He does. He’s…he does, believe me, please.” Steve sighed and carded his hand through his hair roughly. “I can’t…I can’t help him. I can’t say anything, I can’t do anything. But if you…if you could just see him, just talk to him. Maybe–”

“I’ll make it worse.” My voice was hollow and it didn’t sound like me. “I promise Steve, I’m the last person you want there.”

No, goddammit,” Steve growled as he glared at me, years of pain burned in his eyes. “Don’t you see? He’s not…he’s not Bucky. He’s pretended that he’s been fine but he’s not.”

“Steve–”

“Don’t abandon him, please. Don’t. Not now, please.”

Abandon him?” I laughed. It was humorless and empty as I backed away from Steve. “He’s the one who left me, Steve. You don’t…you have no idea what he said…”


“Hey,” I called out when I heard the front door open. “I’m making dinner, hope you’re–” My words died in my throat when I heard the dorm slam shut again, the force shook the apartment. I froze and listened as heavy feet stormed from the door into the kitchen. I turned and saw his face, brooding and dark and I knew it was going to be one of those nights.

“How was training?” I tried. He ignored me as he strode to the fridge and ripped open the door nearly taking it off its hinges. He peered inside then scowled heavily before slamming it shut again. He didn’t offer me a glance as he stalked out again. I sighed heavily as I stirred the pasta and put the lid on. My first instinct was to run after him but I knew that wouldn’t do me any good. When he got in these moods, the only thing I could do was give him his space until he calmed down enough to come out.

I ate dinner by myself and stowed a plate for him in the microwave. I cleaned the dishes and went through a movie before I looked at the clock and realized it was past ten and he still hadn’t made an appearance. With a resigned sigh, I steeled my nerves and approached the bedroom door. Slowly, I creaked it open and found him lying on the bed face up. His hands clutched the sheets so tightly I could see the tears in the fabric and the whole room crackled with tense energy.

“Bucky,” I murmured. “Your dinner’s cold.”

“Don’t care,” he muttered and I tried not to flinch. I hated when he got this. Angry at everything but most of all, angry at himself.

“Yes you do,” I said as I closed the door behind me. I stepped forward until I could sit down on the bed, careful to keep my distance. “Bucky, what’s going on?”

“Nothin’.”

“Please,” I whispered. “I hate seeing you like this.”

Bucky laughed and I looked up. I wished I hadn’t. There was so much anger trapped in his blue eyes it made my skin crawl. “And what, you think I like being like this? You think I enjoy doing this?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know that,” I protested. He snarled as he sat up and the sheets tore with him.

“Then what did you mean? You hate this part of me? Is this not good enough for you? Sorry love, this is who I am. Can’t always please you, can I?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Forget it,” he snapped as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and clutched his head in his hands. My heart cracked in my chest as I watched his shoulders shake from the tremendous weight that constantly threatened to suffocate him. “You can’t fix me. I can’t be saved,” he muttered.

“Bucky, I don’t want to fix you. There’s nothing to be fixed.”

“Bullshit,” he spat. “You know damn well I’m as fucked up as anyone. That’s why you’re here. You want to help me, make me better. Change me. I can’t change, can’t you see that? Can’t you understand?”

“I don’t want you to change, can’t you see that?” I met his eyes as I begged him to understand. “I want to help you, please, let me.”

“Help me?” He scoffed. “Help me? You can’t help me, you don’t understand. You’ll never, ever understand.”

“Then help me understand,” I shot back as I leaned forward. “Let me in, please Bucky. Don’t try to do this yourself, please.”

“You don’t get it,” he sneered as his upper lip curled. “You come from a perfect fucking world. A perfect fucking family, white picket fence and everything. You’ve got your perfect fucking friends and your perfect fucking job. You don’t know a thing about what I go through, you don’t know jack shit. Stop pretending you understand because you don’t.”

I gaped in silence as his words lashed out like a whip, scalding over my face. “You don’t mean that,” I whispered.

“You think so?” He growled as he stood up abruptly, his blue eyes like ice as he vibrated with anger. “You think I need you? You can’t do anything for me, you’ve never been able to help and you never will. I don’t need you, I’ve never needed you.”

“Bucky, stop,” I pleaded. This wasn’t him. This couldn’t be. I’ve never seen him this angry, never in my life.

“Fuckin’…you know what? Forget it.” He whirled around and stormed out of the bedroom. I sat in shock, my eyes wet with tears without even realizing it. I listened as the door was thrown open and winced as it slammed shut and shook the apartment. In the silence that followed, I crumpled onto the bed and gripped the holes he had made in the sheets as I tried desperately to control my breathing.

It’s not real, he didn’t mean it. It’s just a dream, it’ll be okay, I thought to myself like a mantra but the more I said it the less I believed it.

“Will you stay?” I whispered into his pillow as tears burned against my skin.

The silence that followed was the only answer I needed as I finally let the sobs rack my body.


“He needs you,” Steve whispered and I shook my head. I knew I was crying, I couldn’t help it. The memory of the night burned like a fresh burn.

“Believe me when I say this, he doesn’t,” I whispered as I backed up against the counter. The Keurig was hot behind me but I ignored it.

“He keeps asking for you,” Steve said and I closed my eyes at the fresh pain the flared in my chest. “Every time…every, every day. He always asks for you. And then – we have to tell him that you’re not there. And he just…he just breaks and I don’t know what to do.”

“He doesn’t know what he’s saying,” I whispered as I looked at Steve. “You know that, when he has his episodes he’ll say whatever comes to mind.”

Steve shook his head adamantly. “Not now. He begs for you, he needs you. Please, don’t let him go. Please. He needs you, he misses you so much.” He held his hand up when I tried to interrupt and I reluctantly kept it shut. “I know, I know what he said. He told me and so did Nat. He hates himself for it, every day he blames himself for making you leave. He’s scared. He’s so scared and he doesn’t know what to do but he needs you. Please, don’t let him go. He just…I know what he said and I know it hurt more than anything. But don’t give up. Not yet.”

I was really crying now and I furiously tried to wipe my eyes as I shook my head. “Steve, I…I can’t, you know I can’t.”

“Is there anything I can do to make you say yes?” Steve leaned forward and just the look on his face made me want to climb onto the quinjet. “Please. He’s my best friend…I can’t, I hate seeing him like this. You’re the only one who made him better.”

I bowed my head and watched as my tears splashed against my leg. “Steve…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I can’t do anything. I know he says he needs me but…you don’t understand, he doesn’t…it’s not like that anymore. Maybe…maybe I’ll come when he’s calmer, when he’s out of his episode. But not now, not when he’s so vulnerable. I can’t do that to him, I can’t.”

Steve sighed and nodded gravely as he stood up and set his mug into the sink. He turned to me and enveloped me into a strong hug, a hug I hadn’t realized I needed until I was in it. I took in a shaky breath as Steve squeezed my shoulders. “You’re the only one he’s ever truly loved,” he whispered and my chest cracked open as I held back the hard sobs. He stepped back and gave me a sad smile and I could see in his eyes that he was trying to understand. That walking away right now was the last thing he wanted to do. “Please…think about it. That’s all I ask.”

I nodded and watched as he turned his back and disappeared out the window, the distant purr of the quinjet was what I heard before I sagged against the kitchen counter and cried harder than I had over the past six months.


It had been two days since Steve had come to my apartment and our conversation was all I could think about. I tried to move on. I tried to shake off his words. But they were like a mantra in my head that never went away.

He needs you.

He’s my best friend, please.

You’re the only one he’s ever loved.

He needs you.

And the more his words repeated in my mind, the more my resolve began to crack until finally I found myself purchasing a plane ticket and arriving at New York.

I approached the facility late at night, the lights still blazed despite it being close to midnight. With a sigh and fear clenching my insides, I strode through the front door and walked up to the security desk. The security guard was flicking through the CCTVs with a bored expression when I approached him.

“Sorry miss, no visitors at this hour,” he drawled as he kept his gaze fixated on the computer screens.

“I’m…um, I’m here to see Captain Steve Rogers?”

“No visitors at this hour,” he repeated again, monotone. I sighed and gripped the counter to hide my frustration.

“I need to see Steve Rogers. It’s important.”

“No visitors at this–”

“Oh for Christ’s sake,” I muttered as I whipped out my cell phone. The guy didn’t even acknowledge me as I dialed Natasha’s number.

“Romanoff,” she replied in a brisk voice though I could hear the exhaustion that dripped behind the cold voice.

“Nat, it’s me.” I eyed the guard as he still dutifully ignored me. “I’m here, at the facility. Where are you?”

What?” There was a sudden commotion through the speaker before her voice returned. “I’ll be there in a minute, don’t move.”

I ended the call and glared pointedly at the security guard who didn’t even move, his finger clicked on the mouse every interval of three. Some security I thought wryly to myself before I heard the elevator ping and out stepped Natasha. She looked exhausted, her hair was knotted and the bags beneath her eyes were a dark purple as she practically ran towards me.

“Hi,” I said once she stood in front of me. She nodded in greeting, her face grim.

“C’mon, he needs you,” she said in a stiff voice and I could tell she was barely holding it together. I followed her into the elevator and she pressed the button marked 35. Bucky’s floor.

“Nat,” I murmured in the quiet elevator. “How bad is he?” I knew Steve told me he was bad, but Steve had a tendency to overdramatize things especially when it came to Bucky. I wanted to make sure that what Steve told me was in fact, the truth.

“It’s good that you’re here,” she whispered. It’s all she said, but it was enough.

I nodded and swallowed thickly. “Are you monitoring him?”

“Full surveillance.” Natasha confirmed as the doors slid open and we stepped onto Bucky’s floor. “We have to.”

“Shut it off,” I whispered. Natasha was about to protest but I silenced her with a hard glare. “If I’m going to talk to him, it’s going to be just me and Bucky. He deserves his privacy. I’m not going in there until video and audio is cut off. I’m serious, Nat. I’m going to talk to Bucky as a friend, not as a psychiatrist. We don’t need to be monitored.”

Natasha nodded bleakly and squeezed my hand tightly. “Be careful,” she whispered before she disappeared down the hallway. I waited and calmed my churning stomach as I clasped and unclasped my hands in front of me. Two minutes later I got a text from Natasha.

Surveillance cut. Be safe, please.

I pocketed my phone and strode towards Bucky’s door. My hand hesitated in front of the keypad before I shook my head and steeled my nerves. I punched in the familiar code and the doors slid open.

Inside, everything was clean. The bed was made and everything was set within a specific place – nothing out of order. All of the picture frames were gone; the candles I had used to rid the metallic scent of blood were nowhere to be seen. The comforter was replaced with a dull gray quilt.

There was no color, no life.

Everything was too neat. There were no creases in the bed spread when I knew before he couldn’t have cared less how the blankets looked I was always the one who made the bed. The frames were gone but I saw the marks on the bureau from where the corners of the frames had hit too hard and chipped away at the stain. I could still smell a hint of the lavender candles I always used to light but it was overwhelmed with the scent of beech wood like he had done everything in his power to rid the lavender from the room. There were cobwebs laced in the corners of the room and when I looked down I saw cracks in the tile. I wondered how hard his fists had hit the floor to make those marks. The couches all had covers over them but as they fluttered in the air of the heating I could see the pockets of fabric missing from where he had ripped out chunks of the upholstery.

The entire room was set up to make it seem like he was fine when he was really anything but.

I turned my head and jolted when I saw Bucky staring at me. He stood in the doorframe of the bathroom seemingly frozen in place. His clothes were clean, his shirt pressed and his jeans free of grease stains. His hair fell loose around his face and his eyes were bright and wide.

“Why are you here?” His voice was rough, like he hadn’t used it in weeks and I flinched at the sharp hostility in his tone. I knew this was a bad idea, I knew it. My sudden burst of confidence was dwindling fast and I tried vainly to grasp onto it. I turned my head away and swallowed thickly.

“Uh…I just, wanted to…I don’t know. Um, I just wanted to see how you were, I guess. But if you want me to go then I’ll, I’ll go–”

“Wait,” he broke me off as he leaned on the balls of his feet. “Sorry, um, you just…surprised me, I guess.”

I nodded slowly as I rocked back on my heels. “Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Bucky nodded again and gave me a soft shrug. There was a pregnant pause and I opened my mouth to make my escape but Bucky beat me to it. “Um, sit, please.” He mumbled, pointing to the armchair facing the window. I chewed on my bottom lip before I relented with a sigh and walked forward, clutching my bag to my chest. Bucky sat on the loveseat that was before the TV.

“So,” I broke the silence once I sat down, “how have you been?”

Bucky shrugged, still not huge on conversation. It reminded me when I first met him. He barely spoke a word to me. It was like he didn’t know me, all over again. “You look good,” he muttered, completely dodging my question. I sighed inwardly as I subconsciously touched my hair.

“Yeah, well, you know. I’m trying. All in a day’s work, right?” I attempted to joke but I knew it fell flat. He wrung his hands together, spreading them apart then clutching them back together.

“And how’s that going for you?” His voice was empty, as if he was steeling himself for an answer he didn’t want to hear.

It was my turn shrug. “I dunno, seemed to have fooled everyone.”

“Everyone?” He murmured and his eyes finally met mine. The icy chasms took my breath away even now.

“Yeah,” I breathed out. His face was expressionless as he looked away. “So…you seem to be doing good.” I nodded to the bed with a small smile on my face.

“Of course I am,” he bit out. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

I winced, his words like a hot knife through his chest. Of course he was fine. He was the one who left me. Suddenly, everything Steve said flew out the window. Bucky never needed me. Just like he had said.

“Yeah,” I mouthed. “Right, of course.”

Bucky shook his head and I saw anger twist his features. “Why are you even here?” He stared at me, his eyes dead. My breath rattled in my chest as my mouth formed no words. After several heartbeats of silence Bucky shook his head and stood up, storming to the bathroom. The door rattled in the doorframe when he slammed it shut and I winced at the sudden sound.

“I don’t know,” I whispered into the silence. Hot tears formed in my eyes and I willed them to go away with a tight squeeze of my eyelids. I refused to cry again. I was done crying over Bucky Barnes. There was obviously no love lost with him, it was time for me to realize that. When I opened my eyes, my vision was blurry but I forced myself up with a staggered breath. With soft steps I pushed open the door and shut it quietly behind me. I looked up at the security camera that I knew was trained on Bucky’s door. Where I knew Nat and Steve were watching. I gave a small shake of my head, pressing my lips together as a fresh wave of tears flooded my eyes. My legs willed me towards the elevator and somehow my body followed.

It was almost mechanical, my actions, like the voice that spoke to me in the elevator. Once the doors closed I leaned against the cool walls hoping the cold will bring back some semblance of thought. I used the trip down to the ground floor as a way to gather myself. “Let him go, let him go,” I kept repeating to myself, like an endless mantra. I figured if I kept saying, eventually I’d believe it.

The ground floor was dead; the security guard had seemingly decided to leave the desk unattended. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as I strode purposefully towards the revolving doors, repeating the three words in my head.

A sudden crash interrupted my train of thought as I nearly jumped ten feet in the air. I whipped around and saw the door that led to the set of the stairs plastered to the opposite wall, the hinges creaking slightly. Bucky emerged from the destroyed frame as he ran towards me, skidding to a stop before me. He was barely panting even though he had just launched a vibranium infused door into the next century.

“Don’t…don’t go,” he grated out, his voice so rough it sounded like sandpaper.

“What?” I managed to pull my gaze from the doorway to him. His eyes were slightly crazed, blown so wide I was worried they would pop out of his head.

“Don’t leave, please. Please…stay, stay.”

I gazed at him in shock, wondering if I was looking at the same guy as I slowly began to shake my head. “I, uh…I think I should go.”

No,” he sprung forward when I took a step back and froze in place. “Please, please. Don’t leave me. Not yet, not now. Please.”

I kept shaking my head as my legs unfroze and took two more steps back as I began to turn away from him. “I can’t, I can’t,” I repeated. I willed my voice not to break as I stumbled back, nearly tripping over my own feet. Bucky was quiet as I nearly sprinted to the revolving doors, my heart cracking against my ribcage. I almost made it, my hand outstretched to the handle when he spoke.

“I didn’t mean it.” Four words, spoken so softly but they reverberated throughout the entire room. “I…I didn’t mean, what I said. I never meant it.”

I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t face him just yet. “Why did you say it? Why? Was it just to – to hurt me?”

“Yes.” I winced at the single word that cut through my heart. It was like the final nail in the coffin, the reminder that I didn’t matter.

“Right,” I muttered, shaking my head. “I have to go.”

“No, no wait,” Bucky began pleading behind me as I pushed the glass panel before me. The door began to turn and just as I was about to reach the exit, the door suddenly screeched to a halt and my face nearly went through the glass. I peeled my face off of the glass and whipped around to see Bucky’s metal arm holding the door back.

“Let me go,” I demanded as I slammed my shoulder against the glass. It didn’t even budge. “Goddammit Bucky, I am going to suffocate if you do not let me out.”

“I need you to listen to me.”

“By trapping me?” I nearly screeched. “God, what else do you want with me? Do you just want to hurt me some more, really destroy my self-esteem? Because honestly, I think you have done enough.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” his voice was fierce but I scoffed and nearly laughed in his face.

“How else could you possibly mean that, Bucky?” He bowed his head but didn’t say anything. He was dead quiet. I shook my head and slammed my hands against the glass. All it did was shudder. Tears pricked my eyes as my throat constricted. “Do you like seeing me like this? Is that what this is? Is this some sort of fucked up game for you?”

“What?” Bucky gasped. “God, no. It was never–”

“Then why?” I yelled, stepping three feet to the other glass panel that confined me. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because you know,” he whispered and I just gaped at me. A few moments passed as I waited for him to respond, to elaborate in some way. But he didn’t.

“Know what, Bucky? What are you talking about?”

“You just know,” he repeated, the plates in his arm rippled as he gripped the handle harder. “You…you look at me, and you know. You don’t have to ask, we don’t have to talk, I don’t have to say anything and you just know. One look at me and it’s like you just…get it and no one has ever done that before.”

I blinked at him before I raised my hands up in defense. “You know, this might just be me, but isn’t that what people want? Someone who knows the other one? I really thought that was something good in a relationship.”

“It is, it was one…it was good. But it – it terrified me. Nobody has known me like that in…decades. Steve used to, but even now he doesn’t. But you…you, who has no idea what I’ve gone through. You’ve never held a gun in your life, you just know. You understand me like no one ever has and it scares the shit out of me. Because I’m so used to saying the right thing, to acting a certain way to make sure I wasn’t noticed. But you just…God you just see right through me no matter how hard I try to keep you out.”

“So…you said all of those things…because I know you?” I stared at him in disbelief. It was ridiculous, even for Bucky. I found it so hard to believe him. Suspicion began to grow in my stomach as I narrowed my eyes at Bucky. It was then that I realized he hadn’t looked at me. Throughout his whole speech he couldn’t even look my way. “Bucky,” I prompted. “Look at me.” He ignored me and I nearly exploded. “Jesus, the least you could do is look at me. At least give me that.” Seconds ticked away before Bucky finally tore his gaze from the ground and met mine. His eyes burned with an emotion I couldn’t pinpoint, but it was something so strong it nearly knocked my breath away. “What aren’t you telling me?” I whispered. “What are you trying to tell me?”

Bucky shook his head as a small chuckle left his mouth. “This is what I mean,” he murmured, “you see right through me.”

“Then can you please explain what I’m seeing? Because it makes no sense right now.” Bucky seemed to shrink away at my voice. He carded his fingers through his hair while my gaze flickered over his body. He was wound so tight I worried he’d crumble right in front of me. “Please,” I whispered my voice softening as I took another step forward. “Tell me.”

Bucky shook his head. “I can’t…I can’t.”

“Why not? Bucky…why?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense,” he hissed. “It shouldn’t…it shouldn’t be like this.”

I stared at him in confusion, trying to piece together his vague words. “Okay, okay,” I spoke to mostly myself but I knew Bucky heard. “You don’t have to tell me, that’s okay. Just, uh, explain, yeah. Explain to me what’s going on.”

Bucky sighed and dropped his head to his chest as if he was suddenly exhausted. His broad chest expanded as he took in a deep breath and I tried not to speak. I swallowed thickly and took a step back, to give him space though really he had enough.

“I don’t know…I don’t know how.” He began and I held my breath, afraid if I breathed too loudly I’d scare him. “It’s like, everything was a blur. I was okay, I felt, I loved, I knew what happiness was, I knew guilt and sadness. But it’s like nothing ever stuck, I just kept cycling through these emotions. And I, I always thought that if I ever met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I’d have to lay all of the cards on the table. I thought I’d have to have this great intervention with the drama and the fanfare and the tears and everything.

“But then…but then I met you. And I didn’t have to explain anything. You just looked at me and smiled. And the way you look at me, it’s like I’m all you see, y’know? And I’ve never…that’s never happened before. Even on my worst days, you never wavered. You just held me and let me be me. I never had to worry about being Bucky or James or…him. I was just who I wanted to be and you…you loved me all the same. And I saw it, how much you loved me.

“I’m not…I’m not a good person. I know I’m not, but you don’t. You refused to believe it no matter what people told you, no matter how right they were. It’s like you didn’t care and you should because I’m…I’ve done bad things. And it scares me, it scares me that you can love me so unconditionally and I can’t even give you a fraction of that because I’ve done so much, I’ve done such terrible things that loving you can hardly make up for anything. And I tried, I tried so hard to make things right with you. To try and be good for you. But you saw through that too, you saw through it all and God it scared me.

“And I knew the only way for you to see, to understand me, was for you to hate me. Only then would you let me go. And I didn’t want…I never wanted to hurt you. And I know I did, I know what I said hurt you in ways I never wanted to imagine. But you just…you saw too much. You saw too much and you knew too much and you loved so goddamn much and I can’t give you that. I can’t give you the love you deserve, I can never give you that. But you don’t…you didn’t get it. And I tried to make you see it but you…didn’t so I had…I had to make you see.”

His voice broke at the very end, a sob wrenching through his clenched teeth and my heart nearly broke in two. His breath was ragged, as if what he had just told me equaled climbing Mount Everest.

“So…” I finally spoke as my mind struggled to wrap around what he said. “You don’t love me? Is this…is this the point? I love you but you don’t love me.”

“No, God, no.” Bucky shook his head as he carded a hand roughly through his hair. “Don’t you see? I love you too much. I love you so goddamn much it hurts. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. But that doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t…it’s just, it’s not right.”

I narrowed my eyes at him as I crossed my arms. “Do you see a judge anywhere? Are we in some sort of Congressional meeting I’m not aware of? Is there a jury sitting at the security desk right now?”

He furrowed his brows. “No.”

“Awesome. Then what the fuck are you trying to prove and who the fuck are you trying to prove it to?” I glared at him as I spoke. Bucky opened his mouth but I was too angry to stop. “You know what Bucky, you’re right. You’re absolutely right. Your past is fucked up. What happened to you is so beyond fucked up I can’t understand and I most definitely never will. But it’s exactly that. You’re past. You need to move on because I’m pretty sure everyone else has.”

“But–”

“Do not interrupt me.” I jammed a finger at him and he automatically shut his mouth. “You’re so goddamn immersed in your past you’re too blind to see what’s happening right in front of you. And you’re right. I did love you. I loved you so much that sometimes I don’t even think it’s real. Some nights I stay awake just to make a list of ways to prove to you how much I loved you without ever saying it.

“But fuck you. Fuck you for deciding who I love, or how I love, or when I love. Fuck you for not letting me prove it to you and not seeing it when I tried. Fuck you for never sticking around long enough and never showing that you cared. Fuck you for breaking my heart and leaving me to pick up the pieces afterwards. Fuck you for not staying.”

I was panting by the time I finished my rant. Everything in me buzzed as the adrenaline coursed through my veins. Bucky was silent as he stared at me, unmoving. I had never yelled like that before in my life and I was positive Bucky had never seen me like this.

“I’m–”

Don’t,” I snarled. “Don’t you dare say you’re sorry.” I shook my head and turned away from him, my stomach rolled and twisted uncomfortably. “God, I’m so mad at you. I’m so fucking mad.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I know.”

“Good,” I shot back. It was childish but I wasn’t about to let him get the last word. But as soon as I said it I felt a wave of exhaustion rush over me and my shoulders dropped in response. With a heavy sigh I rested my head against the cool glass in search of relief but found none. “What do you want from me Barnes?” I finally whispered.

“I want a second chance.”

I scoffed under my breath. “Second chance? I gave you too many chances. You had more than one opportunity to stay. You chose not to.”

“Fine,” Bucky acquiesced. “Give me one more chance.”

“Right,” I said bitterly. “What’s going to be so different about this one? You’re going to tell me you love me and then leave? Won’t that be the icing on the fucking cake?”

“Let me prove to you that I love you. This time, for real. No more running, no more games. I swear to you I’m gonna be there this time.”

I turned my head to the side and watched the moonlight dance on the steel beams of the door. “I don’t trust you,” I admitted honestly. I could feel the walls locking in around my chest, protecting me from whatever he said.

“I know,” he repeated. “Give me a chance to win that trust back.”

“That’s two chances, Bucky. You said one.”

“A chance to win your trust and another to prove that I love you, and that you love me too.” I turned to face him, about to give him a snarky remark but the moment I saw his face my voice died. He was open, raw, vulnerable. His eyes shimmered with unfallen tears and his gaze was so intense I felt as if I was drowning. “Please.” Just one word. But it was loaded with so much sincerity and desperation I couldn’t find it in me to say no.

“Okay,” I finally relented and his face utterly transformed. A glimmer of hope shone in his eyes and he immediately stood up straight. “This is not a yes,” I immediately snapped as I glared at him. “This is just an opportunity for redemption. But we go my pace. Whatever I say goes. You so much as cross a line I swear to–”

“I know.”

“And you’re not kissing me. Or touching me. Unless I say so. I’m serious Bucky, no funny–”

“I know.”

“This does not guarantee anything either. If I’m not happy or I don’t believe you then I have every right to–”

“I know.”

I scowled angrily at him as I placed my hands on my hips. “Do you know everything?”

“No.” He shook his head. “But I know you.” I forced the scowl to stay on my lips despite the smile that threatened to shine through.

“Right, of course you do,” I grumbled.

“So,” he smiled that million dollar smile that made me weak in the knees the very first time I saw it,

Will you stay?

We do this together

(Montgomery de la Cruz x reader)

A/N: Honestly I never thought I would write a imagine about Monty, but oh my god I’m obsessed with him lately, we all know how attractive it is a redeemable bad boy, I’ve lived this with Reggie already lol.

Anyway this imagine it’s a little sad (?) at first I wanted to write one based on Sorry by Halsey, but it turned out being this, truth is that you end up showing your mood when your writing and obviously I wasn’t in my happiest mood writing this one, but now I am feeling a lot better and I want to write one really fluffy and flirty and happiness everywhere so stay tuned.

I hope you like this one xx 

Warnings: Mention of sexual assault and english is not my first language.

Words: 3.040

Masterpost


It had been a week since I ended my relationship with Monty and since that moment I had been receiving messages and calls, which I didn’t answer, he tried to talk with me every day in the halls or at lunch, but I had avoid him perfectly.

I understood why he felt the need of talking with me, because for him it didn’t make sense that what we had would had ended, our relationship worked so good, we were the image of balance you need between two people in order to make something work. I heard people talk when I passed next to them, how the wonder why we had broken up.

The truth was that I was broken inside, but I was the best when it came to pretend a complete different feeling outside that what I was feeling inside, for example right now in the inside my heart was completely shattered and even more when I saw Monty and his attempts of talking with me, but in the outside I made it look like if I didn’t care about him, like if I didn’t even know him.

I thought that he would end up giving up and he would move on with his life, but day after day he kept coming to me, he didn’t want to forget about us.

There was a day in particular that I found really hard, Monty’s birthday. That day everyone wished him happy birthday in the halls, someone even invited me to the party they were throwing for him at Bryce’s, I obviously wouldn’t go.

When I opened my locker I saw his present, I had bought it a month ago because there were a couple of tickets for an important baseball game and I knew how much he wanted to go and his mother didn’t let him buy the ticket because he got a bad grade, but I knew he wold end up passing that subject and that’s why I bought them, but now they were useless.

I had them in my hand, but I didn’t put them out of my locker so that way no one would see them. That was the first day I felt I could end up crying in front of everyone in that hall, but the sound of a locker closing next to me brought me back to reality and I left the tickets, closing my locker like if there were a bomb inside.

I leaned my back against the cold metal and I looked at the people around me until my eyes met with his for a few seconds, making him start coming in my direction.

“(Y/N) wait please!” he exclaimed when I started to walk away from him.

“Happy birthday Monty!” I looked behind for a second to see how one of the cheerleaders had stopped him to talk to him, even though he kept looking at me.

I locked myself in one of the cubicles in the bathroom, I had to go to my next class, but I didn’t think I could make it; I needed to take a break.

My hands were shaking, which made me even more nervous, so I crossed my arms in front of me, trying to make them stop. I repeated over and over again that everything would be fine; that I had made the right decision even thought it was painful.

I leaned my back on one of the cubicle walls and I slid until I was sitting on the floor, I hugged my legs against my chest and when I heard the bell rang that’s when I burst into tears.

I made myself stop when I heard the bathroom door opening, I even hold my breath to make it look like I wasn’t there, but they had heard me.

“I know there’s someone there” I heard a familiar voice say “I didn’t mean to bother you, but if you need help… I won’t judge” then I recognized the voice, it was my loved friend Hannah.

“It’s me…” I sniffed not moving from my position “(Y/N)” I added.

Silence appeared for a few seconds before I saw under the door how Hannah had sat on the other side.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she knew everything I was going through and all my thoughts, sometimes I wondered if she knew me better than I know myself.

“No” my voice cracked in that moment, showing that I was worse than I expected “I don’t know…”

“I know I’ve said this before… but I think you should do something about it and you should definitely talk to Monty and hear what he has to say about it”

Silence appeared again, this time longer than before. I knew Hannah was right, but if I talked about it I feel like the pain wouldn’t stop and if I talk to Monty I didn’t know how that conversation could end up.

I opened the cubicle door and Hannah stood up quickly, wrapping her arms around me instead of say or ask something else, I hugged her back until I felt I had my strength back.

I spent the rest of the hour with her, talking about the possible scenarios I could find when I talk with Monty, even though I don’t think anything could prepare me for what I would find.

When the bell rang again when left the bathroom and Hannah went to her next class, wishing me luck, and I walked to the classroom where I knew I would find Monty.

He was talking to Zach when they exited the class and when I saw him my heart skipped a beat and my body froze, I was close to turn around and leave, run away as fast as I could, but I saw Zack warning Monty of my presence and when he looked at me he stopped talking.

He started walking in my direction; I guess he thought I’d try to run from him, because I saw his surprised expression when he noticed I didn’t move, looking at him all the time.

“Ca-can we talk?” he sounded almost confused.

I just nodded while I bit my lip, so hard that in any moment I could start tasting the blood.

We walked in silence to the gym, which was empty. I drop my bag on the floor next to the bleachers and I turned in his direction.

“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know what I’ve done wrong, but I’m sorry, please forgive me” He said walking towards me and taking my hands in his.

I looked at our hands and then at him again. People weren’t use to see this side of Monty, how he needed another person and he would do anything to keep someone by his side, even though he hadn’t to act like the asshole everyone thinks he is.

I put my hands away from him and I saw in his eyes how much that hurt him “You haven’t done anything wrong Monty” I said with a weak smile “You are the perfect boyfriend, every girl would be lucky to have you”

I didn’t know if his expression was more confused or surprised by my words.

“But then… why? Why did you break up?” that was the hard part of this conversation.

“Because…” I sighed heavily looking at my hands, I couldn’t stop playing with them “You deserve someone better Monty and-“

“What? What do you mean with someone better?” he said cutting me “I want you (Y/N), I deserve you” he cupped my face with his hands to make me look him in the eyes.

“You don’t get it… I… I can’t give you what you need” I put my hands on his, moving them away from me “I’m sorry Mont, sorry that I can’t believe that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me, it is not your fault, I’m a mess and I’m never going to change, I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you because that’s the last thing I wanted to do…”

We stared at each other in silence, I was trying to keep my façade and not start crying and I really think he was feeling the same way because he started biting his lip, something he only does when he’s feeling vulnerable.

“I don’t know what’s going on” he said in a calm tone “But (Y/N), I love you, I am in love with you” he got closer to me if that was even possible “Please tell me what’s happening, let me help you. I’ve tried to ignore it because I know you don’t like to talk about your problems, but this is enough” he put one of his hands in my cheek and that gesture and his words were what he needed to break me and let the tears fall fast through my cheeks.

Without a second thought he brought me towards him and he hugged me, rubbing my hair slowly and kissing my temple. I wrapped my arms around his waist tightly, like if something was going to try to take him away from me.

It seemed like if we stayed like that for an eternity and I was okay with that, because being between his arms was my favourite place to be.

“I didn’t want to…” I cried griping his shirt “I didn’t want to…” I repeated closing my eyes tightly.

Monty made some space between us to be able to look at me and when I opened my eyes to see him I noticed how worried he was.

“(Y/N) what’s going on?” I closed my eyes again and I tighten my lips together trying to find the right way to say what I had to say.

“Something happened to me…” I opened my eyes to see his face when he heard my words through my shaky voice “in that party we went two weeks ago…” my tears started to fall faster and my voice was cracking with every word.

“Wh-what do you mean? What happened?” I could hear how fast his heart was beating in that moment, even faster than mine.

“I drank too much… an-and I went to one of the rooms to rest” I sobbed “someone entered the room… I thought it was you when I felt kisses in my neck” I bit my lip trying to stay as calm as I could “but when I opened my eyes it wasn’t you…” I cried even more than before because of the memory.

I felt his body tense under my hands and how much he was trying to keep himself together.

“I-I tried to push him away… but I couldn’t” he wrapped his arms around me again and I cried with my face hidden in his neck “I was so scared….” I whispered “I tried to scream… fight… and I couldn’t”

“Who did it?” he asked in a cold tone after a few minutes in silence.

I didn’t say anything so he made me look at him and he repeated the question.

“I know what you’ll do if I tell you who did it” I said wiping my tears.

“Of course you know it! I’m going to do what that son of a bitch deserves!” he exclaimed finally losing it “Why didn’t you tell me anything? You should have come to me first” he add softening his voice and trying to make me look him in the eyes.

“Because I still can’t believe this has happened” I answered looking at him and starting my crying again.

“I’m sorry” he said quickly cupping my face with his hands and kissing my forehead “I’m sorry” he said once again “fuck this is so frustrating” he whispered before making me look at him “but you’re going to be okay, I promise” now he seemed to feel guilty and that made me feel even worse “I’m going to be by your side through everything and that asshole it’s going to pay” I shacked my head when I realized what he meant.

“I’m not going to do anything” I said it so weakly that I almost couldn’t hear me, but I know he heard me because of how he reacted.

“You can’t let this go away so easily babe” he tried to sound as calm as he could “You can’t let him go away with what he’s done”

“I can’t do this Monty… I know what’s going to happen if everyone knows about what happened, one way or another people will look at me and talk about me; it’s his word against mine”

“If someone dares to say something about you I’ll make sure they don’t see the sun again” I couldn’t help but smile weakly, even though I wouldn’t let him do anything to anyone it was a relief knowing that I could count on him and that he was by my side no matter what.

“I love you” I said out of nowhere, getting what I wanted, which was see him smile “I just thought you would be better without me after what happened, because I don’t know if I will be the same again” I said looking at him through my glassy eyes.

“There’s nothing you can do that makes me stop loving you” he said caressing my cheeks with his thumbs.

I put my hands on his and I closed my eyes, enjoying the touch of his skin against mine.

“Mont?”

“Yeah?”

“You have to promise me that you won’t do anything if I tell you who did this” I said after a long silence.

I didn’t want to say his name out loud because it was something pretty painful, but I think Monty deserved to know.

“I… I promise you” he said not very sure

I opened my eyes, I knew he would be furious no matter the name I said, but I knew even better that when he heard who did this he probably would lose it, but I had to do it “It was Bryce…” I said feeling a lump on my throat.

I felt his hands tense and I could see how he clenched his jaw; he had to sigh deep a couple of times to control his berating.

I slide my hands through his forearms, making him come back to this moment and not think about all the possible scenarios where he killed Bryce. There was a mix of rage and helplessness in his eyes, something I hadn’t seen before.

“I’m so sorry for doing this to you, I’m sorry for ruining your birthday” I said with a shaky voice.

“You haven’t ruined anything” he said calmly “You haven’t done anything wrong, do you hear me? So stop apologizing” he added kissing my forehead.

I gave him my best smile thanking him his words “Can we leave?” I asked in a whisper.

He nodded before kissing my lips carefully and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He grabbed my bag and we left for the rest of the day.

After that day I didn’t go to school for a few days, the same way I didn’t go the week after the party, it was like coming back to that again.

Monty came to my house after classes and he stayed until I fell sleep at night, but that day he didn’t showed up at his usual hour, I decided to wait in case something came up and he was coming late, but after an hour I called him, not getting an answer and then I started to get worried.

I went to his house to look for him, I saw his jeep on the entrance and that calmed me a little bit because at least I knew where he was, but when I knock at the door and nothing happened I started to get worried again. I took the emergency key, which I obviously knew where it was and I got in like if I were at my own house.

“Monty?” the house was in complete silence.

I went upstairs to his room and then I heard his voice, in his bathroom, I heard how he was swearing and letting some groans scape his lips.

“Monty?” I asked knocking at the door.

I suddenly stopped hearing him and after a few seconds he unlocked the door, I waited for him to open it, but when he didn’t I pushed it open and then I saw him, he had a black eye and cuts in his nose, cheek and lips.

My eyes were wide open by that moment and I went to him quickly, taking his face between my hands carefully.

“What happened?” I asked worried.

I didn’t get an answer, just the look he gave me every time he does something he know I don’t approve and then I knew it, I knew what he had done so I put my hands away from him.

“I had to do it, I promise you I’ve tried to control it all this time, but today I couldn’t help it anymore” I noticed how his voice was about to crack “I couldn’t do like anything happened after what he did and I wasn’t there to stop it” and then it hit me, he felt more gilt than all the rage he could hold against Bryce and getting in a fight with him was a way to try to release all that guilt.

“Look at me” I said putting my hands on his neck “there’s nothing you could’ve done, you can’t blame yourself for this”

“I should have been with you and nothing would have happened” he said with tears in his eyes.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him closer to me, trying to comfort him “stop it Mont, it’s not your fault” I felt his arms around my waist and how his body relaxed under our touch.

I didn’t know how I would get over this or if I could be the same again, stop feeling this fear that something is about to happen all the time or the feeling that I’m hopeless, but if I knew something for sure was that if I had Monty by my side I would be fine and we’d get over this together.

Making Love

Rating: M

Summary: They say that there is a thin line between true love and stupidity… I don’t know where we fall Sakura, but who cares, right?


a/n: I wrote this right after my exams. I wrote this on a whim. I wrote this, not knowing I would be writing a fluff-smut fic.

This is a sort of sequel to Daddy-like Kid, starring Boruto and Sarada, but this fic can stand on its own. I don’t own Naruto. This is also posted in my Fan Fiction Account: AliceInRealWorld. I hope you guys will enjoy it! :3


I woke up with a sharp jolt. I didn’t have the time to remember the context of the nightmare. The dark room didn’t help. It only lured the images that had faded. The silence didn’t help. It only encouraged the voices of my distress that disrupted my sleep. It was the nightmare so disturbing that it left my heart to beat plangently, causing my ears to ring, making my head ache, tightening my chest.

Cold sweat started to secrete from my bare skin, mixing with the sticky precipitation that was produced from last night’s copulating.

I trembled. I waited for the pounding of my heart to slow down. I thought back the passionate hours to keep my mind from retracting in the darkness. I combated the blood-curling screams with the timbre of my Sakura’s pleased moans and small whimpers. I replaced the scenes of death with the picture of my wife’s pink hair, curtaining her bright green eyes as she erratically move her hips to achieve euphoria.

That’s right. It’s alright if I got roused again and had to relieve it by myself (it’s rude to wake someone up just for such insolent reason.)

I allowed myself to think of anything, everything, just to dispel affective residue of the nightmare.

Think of anything but that.

“Sasuke-kun.” I flinched.

A small, delicate hand patted my back. When I didn’t respond, the hand trailed on to my shoulder, squeezing it affectionately. She scooted closer so she can place her chin on the spot where the curse mark used to reside. “Do you want to talk about it?”

After hearing those words, the dangerous beating of my heart appeased. I bowed down and shook a no.

She made a sound behind her throat, a sign that she’s thinking of ways to distract me from my thoughts. The hand on my shoulder tickled its way down my sole arm. Her nimble fingers traced the visible veins and then it landed on my palm where she drew infinite spirals. She repeated this antic until my breathing went back to normal.

“I’m not supposed to say this.” She began as her hand clasped mine. She pressed her body closer, my bare back feeling her healthy breasts. “But I think Sarada has already forgotten about it, so I guess it is okay to share it.”

I squeezed her hand, silently encouraging her to continue.

She let out a giggle, “When Sarada was six she started a list that she called, ‘Things That I’m Gonna Tell Papa When He Comes Home.’

A small smile graced on my lips. I released Sakura’s hand then gently shrug her off. Understanding my actions, she moved away and began piling the pillows against the headboard. When that’s done, I rested my back on the make-shift lean. I opened my arm, gesturing her to come closer. She happily obliged. She took a small pillow, placed it on my nether region before sitting on my lap. I wrap my arm around her waist. She looped an arm round my neck. I pulled our comforter over our naked body.

“What does it contain?” I mumbled.

“Hmm…” She wondered as her fingers play with my hair. “On the… Let’s say, preface of her list, she said, ‘Papa comes home only once or twice a month. You have to persuade him to teach you something new.’ Then at the bottom, there’s a footnote that says, ‘You have to perfect everything that Papa teaches you Sarada! Shannaro!’

We chuckled quietly in unison. Nuzzling her cheek on the crook of my neck she continued, “If memory serves right, one of her anecdotes is when she finally perfected her shuriken throws. You should’ve seen her solo trainings Sasuke-kun. Every day, I had to tend her hands full of cuts and grazes.”

My eyebrows knotted as Sakura tells the story because of two reasons. One, old friends, regret and longing visited my chest. I wish I was there to see, watch her struggle for greatness.

“Oh! Speaking of training, next to shuriken throwing is, ‘The Day I Finally Created a Katon Goukakyuu!’” She made a circle in the air, her viridian eyes gleaming with pride. “She never faltered even if her cheeks are blistered!”

She laughed softly at the memory. She glanced up and reached for my forehead. “You know what Sasuke-kun?” She tenderly brushed away the bangs that’s covering my other eye then cupped my face, “She reminds me of you.”

And two-Sakura’s right, verbalizing my thoughts perfectly. Sarada reminds me of me, Sasuke, two decades younger. Sasuke with eyes that can shine even if they’re dark as coal. Sasuke who had his head lifted as he chase down his idol, his inspiration, his reason. Sasuke who died in my personal nightmare.

“She embodies you in so many ways. Not that I’m complaining though.” She sighed dramatically then pointedly followed, “But I wish a child would inherit some of my features.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Is that bad? That… she’s like me?”

‘lub-DUB…’

Do you think that she’ll also commit the same mistakes and sins that I did?

‘lub-DUB.’ Inferiority. ‘lub-DUB.’ Fear. ‘lub-DUB.’ Anxiety. ‘lub-DUB -!’

Do you think she’ll get lost on the darkness too?

‘LUB-DUB, LUB-DUB-!’ Trauma. ‘LUB-DUB, LUB-DUB-!’ Hatred. ‘LUB-DUB, LUB-DUB-!’ Loneliness-

‘LUB-DUB!’

The awful metamorphosis of my heart in the last moment of my childhood, hand in hand, the countless tomoe spiraled in to a constant repetition.

When can you say that you have atoned for the sins you have done?

“Sasuke, love.” I flinched.

Sakura ran her fingers through my hair as her other hand remained on my temple, keeping my bangs from covering my powerful eyes. She held their glare, showing no fear. “That’s not what I’m trying to say.”

I know. But…

“Is that bad?” I asked again, this time, it came out raspy and strained. “Do you think-”

She kissed the tip of my nose then pinched my cheeks, “Of course not! You got it all wrong Sasuke-kun!”

It was her blush and her futile effort to hide her breasts that supported her words, “ahhh I shouldn’t have said that! I’m sorry Sasuke-kun!”  

No. It’s my fault. Sometimes… This heart of mine falters easily when reminded of its old scars.

“Hn.” Having no idea how to return the ambiance of nostalgia, I turned my attention to her belly. In an attempt to distract myself from the rising panic, I started to map out the smooth pattern of her stretch marks.

She gasped at the touch. She replied by tugging at my hair. “It’s alright, Sasuke-kun.”

I have to turn the tables before this conversation went downhill. “What were you trying to say then?”

The crimson hue on her cheeks deepened. I pondered if it’s because the trail of my fingers was leading deep down to her thighs or it’s because of the illocutionary force behind her words.

Or maybe both.

“I remember another anecdote from her list.” She offered with voice strangled between decency and erotica. “T’was the d-day she went home late. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her glasses were broken.”

My hand paused when her words registered. “Who did it?” I asked sharply.

She massaged through my hair again to calm my nerves, “Sarada was bullied. When I asked her who and why, she won’t tell me because she knows that I’ll make a huge fuss about it.” She let out a melancholic sigh. “It was Naruto’s children who told me about it. Boruto explained, ‘we found her crying under the slide because some jerks broke her glasses and told her that she’s adopted.’

So that’s when she started to doubt her mother.

I pulled Sakura closer and planted a chase peck on her forehead.

She placed a hand on my chest as a response and connected the scars that decorate my skin. “But get this Sasuke-kun-Sarada entitled that anecdote ‘Daddy-like Kid.’ She cracked a smirk. “Himawari told me it was Boruto that calmed Sarada down.”

I kept my expression blank but no doubt she noticed my tense muscles. All of the emotions that surfaced because of the nightmare and unnecessary panic attack died down. However, to my demise, it was replaced by crazy assumptions, fueled by my fatherly instincts, suggesting of what could be the possible future of-

“Darling.” Sakura directed her lips on my ear, “Your jealous side is showing~”

I cringed back to glare at her properly, “I am not jealous.”

She narrowed her eyes mischievously, challenging my infamous glare, “oh really now.” She copied my smirk. “So it is fine that Sarada thinks of Boruto as-”

I dove down to capture her lips, preventing her from saying another word about the ridiculous matter. She giggled at my growls, still teasing through the use of lips and tongue and rising intimacy.

She tried to withdraw from the assaults of my mouth but failed ultimately. She instead let her body melt in to my dominance by audaciously asking for an entrance.

When I refused, she wrapped both arms around my neck and then swiftly shifted in to a straddling position to win back control. She now had me trapped between her legs, boldly showing what’s in between. And to further clarify the contexture of her demands, she lewdly ground her hips, flattening the pillow (and something else beneath it that’s throbbing) that prevents us from colliding.

I groaned out of frustration because that minimal amount of sensual pressure was not enough. And she took this as an opportunity to gasp for air as she annoyingly chortled. She brushed off my bangs again then placed her forehead to mine.

Our eyes met. “Are you okay now?”

I held her gaze. My heart picked up its pace. The countless, rotating tomoe dispel under her emerald eyes.  

Are you okay now?

Emerald eyes that have always been asking those words always have been looking at me even if it makes her cry. Those are the eyes that brought light to our coal black eyes, Sarada. The gleam that I never thought would come back. Those are the eyes that granted me the ability to think of a mirthful place in the midst of my chaotic mind. The place where all the forgotten beautiful memories reside that I never believed that could be revived.

           Am I okay now?

           Yes. Those are the emerald eyes that made me remember Sasuke who always die in the nightmares. Those are the beautiful eyes that beaconed as one of the proofs that there is something worth discovering, something worth protecting in this cruel world of ninjas.

“Sasuke-kun?” She caressed my cheeks.

           I captured her lips again, slowly, devotedly, reverting from the animalistic desires earlier. Her hands found their way to my hair again, tying knots, drawing me closer. My shoulders relaxed as the temperature of the room rose once again.

           Do you want to talk about it?

           It was my brother, Itachi’s love that demonstrated me the highest form of unmitigated familial love. It was the love that I have forgotten because it was buried underneath layers of deception, diffidence and corruption.

           “Sa-ku-ra…” My fingers outlined her spine with every syllable of her name, armed with the knowledge that the gesture turns her on.

           Yes. I want to talk about it but…

           It was Naruto, the idiot, which made me realize that I have someone who understands the pain and the loneliness of an orphaned kid starving for love-finding nothing but hatred. It was Naruto who swore that he would always willingly, stubbornly drag my ass back when I lost to the darkness again. It was him who taught me that it’s vacuous to sacrifice your own happiness so that you can cold-heartedly save the world.

           “S-sasuke…” She moaned as my lips ghosted to her jaw, then to her chin and then peppered hot nips on her neck. One of her hand relocated to my chest, drawing smooth lines leading leisurely down to my chiseled abs. She dared an experimental thrust, causing me to bite down at her pulse, earning herself a love mark and prizing me with the sweet sound of her whimpers.

           “Sakura…”

           -it was you who never did give up on loving me in spite of my countless, unforgivable attempts in ending your life. It was you-your lively eyes, your ever loyal heart, your boar-like determination that brought me in to conclusion that one of the justifiable means to obtain peace is to truly, faithfully, unconditionally love.

“Sasuke-kun…” She whined unabashedly as my lips latched themselves to one of her pink, perky breasts. Her hand ventured below the belt, trying to remove the pillow. It was my turn to halt her from getting what she wanted as I amorously embraced her closer, closer, until our torsos mashed. I rolled her other nipple between my teeth, making her arch her back, allowing me to behold a better view of her arousal.

I don’t know how to tell you.

I thought about it as I was on journey to redemption-it was Naruto and Itachi, my brothers who allowed me to forgive the world.

And that, it was team seven that reminded me what’s like to have a family.

“Sa-ku-ra-chan.” I mumbled against the valley of her bosoms. “You’re right…”

So, instead, let me show you…

-you who convinced me that it was time to forgive myself-

“A-about what, Sa-su-ke-kun?”

Let me prove to you…

-you, Sakura Uchiha, who strengthened our bond by graciously adopting my name even if you knew the burden it carried. Even if you knew I would be seldom home, resulting to numerous rumors about our marriage. For example, I chose you because of physical attraction or maybe because I couldn’t be bothered to search for a more suitable vassal to restore the Uchiha Clan.

I returned to her sweet lips and muttered, “I would love to make, I mean, see a child bearing your features~”

That I’m forever thankful…

As a respond to those accusations, you intrepidly showed those people, who would never understand, that the time you can truly say that it is love is when-even if every bits and pieces of flaws are laid bare and even if hope is just a small ray of light, it is enough to sacrifice, to inspire one in holding on and moving on along love and hate.

She shivered at my words. I tried to subtly slide away the pillow between our… a, object of desire but she ceased my attempt by clutching my waist with her muscled legs, pressing her drenched core to my abdomen.

That I love you too.

Darling… I want you to know that one of the things that Sarada listed…” She pulled at my hair to make me look at her irises again, staring me down, stating that her next words are quite important.

They say that there is a thin line between true love and stupidity…

“…she wants a baby brother…”

…I don’t know where we fall Sakura. But, who cares, right?

I narrowed my eyes mischievously, enjoying that flustered expression she had on her face, “oh really now.” I smirked.

We just love.

My hand moved on its own, searing every inch of skin it fondled.

“I love you Sasuke-kun…” She proclaimed once again.

These words are left unsaid yet you understand.

But before my lone hand wandered to the area where it would minister miracles (as she describes it)it folded into an all too familiar hand sign to give Sakura’s forehead a light tap.

That’s the reason why I chose you.

And it will always be you…


a/n: haha hope you guys enjoyed it. Been loving these two for a decade and thank heavens they’re canon. Don’t you think so too?

8 Helping Hands

Author’s Fic

Summary: John rescues you from danger (this is so loose)

Pairings: John Wick x Reader

8 Helping Hands

Originally posted by keanuital


A blood curdling scream erupted from my lips.

“John, John!” I shrieked as I scurried across the bedroom.

Feet pounded on the stairs and the door swung open with a bang. John barged in gun drawn, cocked and ready to fire at the cause of my alarm.

He swept the room, his muscles bunched under the thin white tee “, what’s wrong?”

“There, there!” I shrieked, pointing towards the bathroom and scampered behind him.

Carefully he approached the door. He pushed me aside and pointed to a corner, a silent command to stay behind. Using the nozzle of the gun he pushed open the ajar door and disappeared into the room. I waited for him to emerge with bated breath.

He walked out a minute later, hands slack at his side. John frowned and approached me.

His calloused hand cupped my cheek, the rough pads of his fingers scraped my cheek lightly “, was someone in here?” Concern creased his features.

I looked past him at the open entryway to the bathroom “, well-.”

I wrung my hands together, unsure of how to explain the events that had taken place. My assailant chose that specific moment to show itself.

“There, there!” I screeched and pointed.

John whirled, gun drawn, ready to fire only to lower his arm and look back at me with a confused expression. I stood in the centre of the bed, hopping from one foot to the other, eyes wide in my head.

“THERE!” I stressed and pointed again. John backed up and followed my pointed finger.  

In the doorway it stood, five inches in diameter spread on dark brown, hairy, stilt like legs. Slowly it creeped forward and raised its two front legs in the air. I squirmed. John shot me an incredulous look and chuffed a laugh.

“Johnnnnn,” I whined, backing towards the headboard of the bed, my feet sinking into the plush mattress.

He sighed, raised his gun and fired. Brown bits of the spider exploded across the room.

I approached him, his back towards me “,is it gone?”

I touched his shoulder, he turned.

“I didn’t know you were afraid of spiders,” he said, his voice soft but his eyes sparked with mischief.

Heat creeped into my cheeks and I looked away from him “, it’s a bit embarrassing.”

My eyes found the place where the spider had existed only moments before, a black smudge mark and a hole were all that marked its presence. John’s arms wrapped around my waist and the back of legs, easily he lifted me from the bed.

“I don’t think so and I wish you’d have told me before,” he said, all traces of mischief disappearing as he sensed my unease.

“You’re safe now,” he whispered into my hair. His lips ghosted my temple in the faintest kiss and he made to exit the room.

I slung an arm over his shoulder and pressed my lips to his cheek “, my hero.”

Headaches

Clenching my eyes shut once again, trying to block out all the small sounds around the house.

Trying to block out the lights that seemed to be shining like the sun even when they were dimmed all the way down.

My head was throbbing and spinning and it felt like every time the smallest noise sounded, that it was going to explode.

Usually at a time like this, I would take a nap and hope that when I would wake up next, that it would be gone.

But something was keeping me from taking a nap and falling into a more relaxed state, and I had no clue was it was to stop it.

Sighing, I laid back down on the bed in my shared room with Harry, setting the now empty cup of water on the night stand next to me.

Turning over slowing as to make sure not to anger my headache, I laid on my side and closed my eyes.

Sighing when I heard the water cut off in the bathroom, knowing that Harry would have to come into the room and move things around to get dressed.

“Hey love. Yeh’ alright?” He spoke.

Turning slightly to look at him.

A towel hanging loosely on his waist, droplets of water falling from his damp head, and his torso still wet from the shower.

“Headache.” I mumbled, hiding my face back into the pillow.

Harry didn’t say anything as he tried to be as quiet as possible with getting dressed and everything else he had to do in the bedroom.

He walked towards the bed and sat down slowly.

Opening my eyes I looked up at him, he had a small sympathetic smile playing on his lips since he knew how bad my migraines could get sometimes.

“Yeh’ want medicine? Water? Anything?” He spoke, his voice barely a whisper.

I shook my head no before shutting my eyes again.

“C'mere pet.” He spoke softly.

Opening my eyes, I knew that I didn’t want to cuddle. Not right now. My head hurt way too much, and that said a lot since I was always up for a good cuddle.

“Harry I’m sorry but I don’t want to cuddle.” I sighed, trying to get warmed up with the blanket on top of me.

“Not cuddling. I was gonna play with your hair or somethin’. Last time it helped.”

He was correct, last time l had a horrible headache, he had played with my hair and rubbed my temples and it actually cured your headache. How could I forget?

Sitting up, I moved over slowly to lay my head in his lap which he already had a pillow over to make me more comfortable.

I laid my head down and instantly closed my eyes again, relaxing more than I had in the last few hours.

His hands found my hair, pushing his fingers through it and moving it around in a relaxing motion.

His hand also found my temples that were still throbbing, and they gently applied pressure to the ache.

It took longer than I wished, around twenty minutes but my headache finally went away.

I smiled as Harry stopped, sitting up, I thanked him.

“Anytime love. Can’t let my girl hurt now can I?”

craving

Requested by @alone-in-madness

masterlist

word count: 1,849

**warning: SMUT**

I tried to ignore my phone as I saw more texts coming in every minute. Every single one of them was from my boyfriend who was so controlling that it killed him every time I hung out with my best friend, Shawn. Shawn knew how he was and had told me many times I should end it. He’d protected my from my boyfriend’s fits of temper on many occasions, and for that I was thankful. Ever since my current relationship went to absolute shit, I felt myself falling for Shawn. My attention was no longer on my boyfriend but always on Shawn.

I noticed how when we would go somewhere he always held the door open for me. When we went to eat, he always pulled out my seat for me. Just simple things were making me fall in love with him. I had already ignored one phone call. The phone rang again and I tried to block it out. It was easier than I thought it would be. Sitting with my legs across Shawn’s lap, his large hands resting on my thighs and being covered up under a blanket on his couch made it quite easy to forget I had an angry, controlling boyfriend trying to call me.

“Come on, just answer the phone and end it with him. You know that’s what’s best for you.” Shawn begged me. I sighed then picked up the phone.

“What the hell makes you think you can ignore me? And who said you could hang out with other guys without my permission, huh?” I heard as soon as I answered the phone.

“I can ignore you all I want,” I yelled back, “I can hang around with whoever I want to because we’re done. Done. Goodbye, do not try to call me again.” I hung up the phone and blocked his number. I felt a humongous weight lift off my shoulders as I blocked his number. I looked at Shawn. He was shocked I had actually done it this time.

“I’m proud of you.” He said. I smiled. “What made you actually end it?”

“Well, there’s kinda someone else and I think you know who it is.” I hinted at him. A smile spread across his face, he knew I was talking about him. After falling so hard for Shawn, it was hard to not notice the way he would act towards me sometimes. I would often catch him staring and he would look away as soon as I caught his gaze. We would hug and his hands lingered on my lower back every time. It was obvious he loved me so I made it obvious that I love him as well.

“You like me?” He asked, trying to act surprised in which he failed.

“I love you, Shawn. I have for a while. Now that I broke up with that asshole, I can finally do this.” I spoke. A sudden courage came over me and I leaned in to kiss Shawn. I attached my lips to his which were soft and plump. My fingers tangled into his dark brown hair. I pulled away from the kiss, pressing my forehead against Shawn’s. I looked into his eyes, wondering what if what he was feeling right now was as amazing as what I was feeling.

He cupped my face in one hand and pulled me back into another kiss. His other hand grabbed at my leg, trying to put me on his lap. Once I realized what he was trying to do, I helped him. I placed my legs on either side of him. I kissed at Shawn’s lips hungrily, not being able to get enough of the way they felt on mine. I licked across his lips teasingly. His tongue traced over mine. We kissed passionately for what only seemed like a few minutes, but had actually been half an hour.

I stood up, grabbing Shawn’s hand and leading him to the bedroom of his apartment. I opened the door, turned on the light and soon began removing pieces of clothing one by one. Once I was no longer wearing a shirt and my pants were unbuttoned, Shawn’s hands grabbed my much smaller hands.

“Let me do it, please.” He begged. A small smirk spread across my face seeing the effect I had on him. He pulled my jeans down my legs once he laid me down on the bed. After a fumbling with my bra a few times, he finally unclasped it. My hands roamed under Shawn’s shirt, feeling his toned abdomen. I inched my wandering hands farther up his shirt. He finally took it off. I unbuckled his belt while starting to kiss him again. I sucked harshly at the soft skin of his neck, knowing very well what would be left there. Shawn didn’t protest though, so I didn’t stop.

I pulled away from Shawn to look at him in just his boxers. The sight was glorious. I ached from looking at him. I sat up on the bed, Shawn still standing. I kissed his lips roughly. I started to rub my hand over the bulge in his boxers. I stood up, now much shorter than Shawn. I no longer kissed him and he groaned. I glanced up at him before lowering myself down onto my knees.

“You don’t hav-”

“No, Shawn I want to. Please let me.” I pleaded. I looked up at him, batting my eyelashes and beginning to pull his boxers down. He couldn’t say no and I knew it so I took his underwear off. His dick was much bigger than I expected it to be. Trying to forget the fact that I wouldn’t be able to take it all in my mouth, I started licking at the head of his dick. I wrapped my hand around the base of it, my fingers barely being able to touch.

I licked up the bottom of his shaft until I got to the head, taking him into my mouth once I got there. One thing I had been waiting to do for months now was finally happening. I took more and more into my mouth until I couldn’t fit anymore. I looked up at Shawn to see him watching my every move intently. His mouth was hung open and every once in a while he would squeeze his eyes shut.

“Fuck, I’m not gonna be able to last for you.” Shawn groaned. I released him from my mouth. He picked me up, putting me back onto the bed. His eager hands pulled my underwear off quickly and tossed them on the floor.

His eyes wandered over my body as I was now completely bare in front of him. His eyes stayed on my breasts a few moments longer than every where else.

“You’re even more gorgeous than I imagined.” He mumbled. I grinned at his remark. To say I hadn’t thought about what he looked like naked before today was definitely a lie. I’d thought about it many times and it was obvious he’d thought the same about me. I watched Shawn’s every movement. His hands spread my legs apart and his eyes traveled down to look. He inhaled sharply and I bit my lip to hold in a moan after seeing his reaction.

His thumb rubbed circles on my clit. With his other hand, his dipped his middle finger into my pussy. I moaned out his named softly. After he felt how wet I was, he added another finger. He pumped two fingers in and out of me quickly. I was soon a moaning mess, on the verge of orgasming whenever Shawn took his fingers out. I whined and then saw him smirk. He crawled onto the bed and hovered over me. He was still hard and the head of his dick was now red. After searching to find a condom, he lined himself up with my entrance. It took all I had in me to not buck my hips up.

“Are you ready?” He asked. Somehow, this boy managed to sound sincere all while being irresistible and sexy as hell. I nodded my head. The innocence in his voice soon went away. “I’m going to fuck you so much better than he could.”

The number of times I’d fantasized about this moment was insane and now it was finally happening. I’d been craving this for so long. Shawn pushed himself into me slowly, stretching my walls slightly. I groaned from how slowly he had done it.

“You’re so tight. So so tight and wet.” He moaned. He began to roll his hips into mine, thrusting into me roughly. He cupped my right breast into his huge hand and kissed at it. His tongue licked in the valley of my breasts then he flicked his tongue over my nipples. The pain I had felt from his size was only brief and not nearly as bad as I’d expected. He finally bottomed out, causing me to moan out his name strung along with a few ‘fucks.’

His thrusts were rhythmic and each one of them equally as rough. I knew he didn’t realized how rough he was actually being. I knew it was from how long we had both been craving this moment. I couldn’t say that I minded him being this rough, though. It was extremely sexy.

I pulled Shawn’s lips to mine. I kissed his lips and bit them hard. He rested his forehead against mine, both were covered in little beads of sweat. I looked into his topaz eyes, feeling even more connected with him in doing so. His hands wandered down to my legs and pushed them farther apart. His thumb went to my clit and rubbed circles on it. The pleasure was so much stronger now, I could barely handle it. The head of his cock teased all the right places inside me.

“Oh my god, Shawn. You’re gonna make me come.” I moaned. His thrusts only got faster and my orgasm grew even closer.

“Come for me, baby. You deserve it, just come.” He said through clenched teeth, trying not to come before me. His thrusts were so sloppy and hard that it sent me into a blissful orgasm. I clenched my walls around him. He moaned out my name as he came. My walls still fluttered around his length as he still thrusted in sloppily.

He pulled out and went to throw away the condom. He soon returned to cuddle with me. He pulled me on top of him and I nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck. His chest would rise and fall slowly, still trying to come down from the high and I was doing the same. He brushed my hair away from my face then kissed my temple.

“I love you so much. I know this is the wrong time to say it, you know after that. But I love you so fucking much.” Shawn said.

“I love you too, Shawn.” I replied.

Rescue •P8•

Avengers x Reader

Masterlist | Rescue Masterlist | Part Seven

Summary: reader is getting a tour of her new job at the Avengers tower, but happens to be the only one who notices an oncoming jet, about to crash into the building.

Word Count: 2617 (!!)

Warnings: angst probably

A/N: this part is so frickin long and I don’t even think it’s that good, sorry. Enjoy though 💛

My eyes snap open, yet I still can’t see because of the tears blurring my vision. I had the oddest of dreams, because it wasn’t one, not really. I couldn’t see anything. I could only feel. I felt everything I ever knew being extracted from my mind. I felt myself lose hope that someone would come find me. I felt lost, so terribly lost and trying to come to terms with what I did. And for a long time, I didn’t feel anything but dead monotone of following orders. But there were good things. Brief, but they mattered all the same. The excitement of experiencing a new future. The relief or reuniting with someone that matters. The happiness that comes with the success of those you love. They were small things, but they kept me alive.

But when my eyes open, I’m heaving out a breath as the tear tracks retreat into my hair. I sit up in my own bed, the one in my suite. Once again, there’s a heart monitor by my side. What happened that was so serious I need a heart monitor?

Keep reading

Bad Girl(Sequel to Good Girl) Ch 1: Where We Are Now

“Come on pretty boy, put them up,” I tease as I raise my fists in front of my face, ignoring the judgmental looks of the other party goers. The pretty man in front of me huffs in annoyance while the others laugh and pat the sad man on the shoulder.

“I can’t fight a girl,” He huffs.

“Someone decided to get morals tonight. Since when don’t you fight girls?” I place my hands on my hips and stare up at him.

His eyes scan the room and I can’t help but chuckle, “I don’t when that girl has a guard dog that will bite my head off for even raising a hand to you.”

“Aw Princess,” I grin, “Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?”

“You should be more afraid of the dragon sneaking over,” Haneul warns as she wraps her arm around my shoulders. I grimace at her sudden appearance, I might be in trouble. She narrows her eyes down at me, “But you, little girl, should be afraid of me. What have I told you about teasing my princess?”

I gulp and glance over at Lee Taemin, the head of a smaller group who is known for his cruelty and violence, and see him blushing. “I’m sorry Unnie,” I mumble under my breath as I look down at my black heels and begin playing with the hem of my little black cocktail dress.

She chuckles and kisses the side of my head, “I’ll forgive you this time but no more teasing.”

I smile at her, “Okay, but you gotta make him stop too.”

“She started it!” Taemin quickly defends himself but backs down the moment her gaze shifts to him. I can’t hold in my laugh at the sight of him wilting as she crosses our small circle of friends to reach him.

She smacks him up side the head, “You need to stop picking fights with little girls.”

He pouts cutely, “Why did you hit me? Why don’t you hit her too?”

“Cause she’s like my child,” She snaps and quickly returns to my side, tucking me under her arms like a mother protecting her child. “Are you saying you want me to hit my child?” I can’t hold in my giggles at her dramatic acting.

“Hyungnim!” A young boy joins us, he probably isn’t much younger than me but the way he carries himself I can tell he’s mature for his age. He bows to all of us before looking at Taemin, “I’ve come to report that all of them have been terminated.”

Taemin nods, his cold mask coming to cover the cute boy from before, “Any witnesses to it?”

The boy nods.

Without any hesitation Tae asks, “Were they handled?”

“At the scene.”

“How many?”

“The five from the mission and six extra but others were avoided.”

“Good. Next time make sure not to draw any attention. I know how much you like to put on a show Ten but I’d like to not draw more attention to my best assassin. Understood?”

Ten nods, “It won’t happen again.”

“Now go back to the others, have some fun. Dance a bit. I don’t need you boys over working yourselves,” Taemin lifts his glass before sending the boy away and taking another swig of his drink.

Haneul’s voice is in my ear, “Way to go, you didn’t flinch.” She gives me an encouraging smile as she rubs my arm sweetly. Even though she is known to have a cold personality she has become like a big sister or a mother to me.

Jiyong brought me into his world three months after I started living with him. At first I didn’t think that I wanted anything to do with it but he told me if I wanted to be involved, the door was open and even if I did partake killing and kidnapping isn’t something I’d see. As I stepped into all of it, it was over whelming and Jiyong, who grew up in this world didn’t know how to help me deal with it. Haneul came into my life and helped me understand the cruelty of my new world. But something that made me feel strangely comforted are the words she told me months ago, “At least you are seeing all of this from the top. Not all of us are that lucky.”

I’m snapped out of my daze by the sound of Taemin whining again, “Why do I always get hit? Can’t you hit her once?”

She scoffs, “Do you want me to die?

“Why are you dying?” Jiyong wonders as he too joins our circle, the six people standing in the circle tense slightly. His arm is around my shoulders, doing the same thing as Haneul, even gives me a kiss on my temple before nuzzling into my hair.

“I was just making sure Taemin wasn’t causing trouble,” Hanuel explains wrapping her arm around her lover’s. Taemin regains his cool demeanor and nods politely at Jiyong, who just returns the action.

“Do you guys mind if I steal my love?” He teases, even though no matter what they would say he would whisk me away so they just wave us away. He gives them a small thank you before wrapping his arm around my waist and leads me away. When we are a good distance away he sighs, “I don’t know why you like those people.”

“Because regardless of business they are funny and sweet. Haneul is like the mom I never had, in some weird alternate mafia universe.”

He chuckles, “Are you ready to go? The party is going to be taking a turn very soon.”

I nod eagerly, not wanting to partake in the after party events, “Please, where is Jiho?”

“He’s getting the car.” Jiyong escorts me to the exit of the massive hall. We step out on to the cool autumn night, Jiyong offers me my leather jacket before slipping on his own over his suit. We find a black SUV waiting for us on the curb, Jiho is smiling at me. We didn’t see each other much during the party which is his job, to watch not really interact when Jiyong is around. That is more Jiyong’s rule, such a cute jealous man.

“Did you have fun?” Jiho asks as we all climb into the car, Jiho is driving while Jiyong and I are in the back seat.

“Yep, I almost got into a fight,” I give them both a grin.

“I saw that,” Jiho snickers.

Jiyong clicks his tongue at me, “You need to stop harassing that man, he’s going to actually fight you some time.”

I shake my head, “He wouldn’t dare. Even without you guys backing me up I’m pretty sure I scare him.”

“Of course White dragon,” Jiho teases, “You are a force to be feared.” White dragon, my delight full nickname made to compliment my lovely fiancé, the black dragon of Korea.  The drive home is filled with more harassing jokes and awkward tension between the two. Even though Jiho has said that he has no sexual interest in me, Jiyong doesn’t believe him and really doesn’t like him no matter how hard I try. We get back to our apartment, Jiho parks the car and goes to his smaller apartment a few floors below ours. We ride up the elevator in silence, Jiyong’s fingers are locked with mine as he stares at the golden diamond ring on my finger. It’s a bit flashy for my taste but he loves it. On my other hand is the dragon ring he first gave me almost two years ago.

“Are you okay?” I wonder as we make out way to our bedroom, shedding my tight dress for one of his over sized shirts. He is taking off his suit layer by layer slowly, I can tell he’s thinking about something. It’s heavy on his mind and I makes me nervous that he hasn’t just told me, there aren’t any secrets between us. “You know you can tell me, right?”

He sighs, “I know I can tell you, I’m just not excited to hear your reaction.”

“My reaction?” I walk around the bed to stand in front of him, “Oppa stop being so ominous and just tell me.”

His hands run threw his hair as he tries to find the right words, “They are coming back.”

“They?” I stare at him in utter confusion.

“EXO, they are coming back from America.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

I nod, “I don’t know what else you want me to say.” I turn away from him and crawl into bed. He doesn’t say anything for awhile, just leaves to place his suit in the laundry and puts on his own pajamas. The lights turn off before he climbs in next to me, I can tell he’s hesitant to snuggle closer to me, afraid he upset me. So I roll over and burry myself in his chest.

“How do you feel?” He wonders.

“I feel fine,” It’s not a complete lie.

“Are you sure?”

I hum a yes.

“I want you to do something for me, please.”

I look up at him in the darkness, “Yes?”

“Avoid them. I never tell you who you can’t hang out with and I don’t want to say I’m not allowing you to see them but please give my heart a rest and avoid meetings and parties they might be at for awhile.”

I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to seem them. But it’s not just because my heart still aches for them but because I want to slap each of them across the face with all my might and demand to know why they just left me. I just need to know why, I don’t want them to take me back, I really don’t , I just need that tiny bit of closure so I can put them completely behind me. But from how nervous Jiyong seems to be about it, I can tell this isn’t going to be something we can just ignore.


So here is the first chapter, sorry if it isn’t too exciting, I’ll explain more of what happened during the year as the story goes on.

Xoxo Pretty bird