you do a smut where you wake up next to shawn after a hot night and he wakes
you up with hickeys and morning sex ? (Obviously you gave him consent to wake
you up like this before haha) ?
Word Count: 1,773
I felt the sunlight from the window burn into my skin.
Whenever Shawn was the last one to go to bed, he always forgot shutting the curtains.
It never woke him up when the room started to become light, but it always ended
up pulling me out of my sleep.
I do want to add something though: I get a lot of messages from babybats saying they wish they had my patience to do make-up or they wish they looked like me (why would anyone want that though, I honestly feel like a literal frog 99% of the time but that’s another story). The thing is, I don’t walk around with a full face of make-up or a corset on all the time. Right now I’m wearing sweatpants and a hoodie with my hair on a messy bun and no make-up on. Change the clothes to black jeans and a top, add some mascara and dark lipstick and you have my normal daily look, because that usually is the most practical and comfortable solution for me.
I don’t tend to take pictures of myself unless I’m all dolled-up. I try to take them in good light with my hair and face done and the outfit all ready down to the last detail. You probably wouldn’t even recognise me if you saw me on the street on a regular day, because I don’t take photos of myself on those boring days. I don’t always even do my eyebrows! What comes to clothes or make-up, I’m 26 years old and have been in the subculture for about 12 years. Building a wardrobe and learning the best make-up styles for your features take time. If you are in step 1 you can’t compare yourself to someone in step 10. Get inspired and gather experience but don’t feel defeated if you don’t “measure up” in your head because you’re just getting started!
The chances are that the people who you wish to look like don’t even look the way you think they do. We all know our angles, we use filters, and we all show only the best of ourselves to the Internet. We leave out the awkward smiles, the blemishes, our “bad” sides, the bad hair days, the messy rooms, the dirty clothes… Have you ever seen a side photo of my face? No, because I think it’s absolutely hideous so I don’t show it.
It’s okay to look up to people and take inspiration from them but don’t put yourself down comparing yourself to them because you have no idea how “real” that image of them is. I am not saying that I am not real when it comes to my selfies because it is still the real me in that moment. What I am saying is that those moments are glimpses into my life, not a depiction of it in its entirety. There is another side to everyone on the Internet and that side is not always as pretty or composed as it might seem, and you can’t compare yourself to someone when you only see their selected highlights.
1. i can’t sleep. i’m dizzy with discomfort and i’m so sick inside that my stomach feels like a dryer, spinning round with a pile of clothes heavy with wetness inside of it
2. my throat is burning and i can feel hands gripping around it, strangling me so i can’t breathe properly, the hands are not really there so i can’t pull them off of me to let myself breathe again, it’s terrifying
3. my nails are chipped and broken- only about three nails actually still have a full layer of polish on them and a lot of my nails are completely naked, i haven’t changed my bed sheets in about a month, maybe two, all i’ve done today is sleep and my hair is matted from where i keep waking up sweaty from bad dreams
4. i can’t even hear myself think, there’s a thousand voices in my head and they’re all screaming at me to get outside so i can breathe again but i just can’t pull myself out of this dirty, messy bed
5. i had a shower earlier and i sat down, i didn’t realise i was blocking the drain until the water was up past my ankles
6. it’s nearly summer and it’s getting a lot warmer outside, but i can still feel myself shaking like i do in the cold, even though i’m sweating
7. earlier i forgot how to swallow, i cut up my toast into tiny little pieces and i chewed it and chewed it for ages but it wouldn’t go down my throat
8. i think i forgot how to breathe too, i can’t do it unconsciously anymore, i’m always aware of my chest rising up and down and the sharp pain of the air coming in and out of my lungs