my grandma has one of these

Mom Adopts a “Dog”

So y’all keep blowing up my notes with the various Family Lore stories I’ve been telling, so I guess I should tell one on my parents now.

My Mother’s Father was part of the United Auto Worker’s Union, and during the 50′s and 60′s, was on strike a lot. My point is, grandpa got himself an entirely deserved reputation for being a sucker who loved animals, so people would dump thier pets on him. Hence, my mother grew up in a house with pets such as Picket the one-eyed tomcat, Tweety the Bald canary, Dummy the cat, Stupid Son of Dummy, Spooky Garbage Dog and Chiquita the Tarantula.  Eventually Grandma put her foot down when Grandpa brought home Gerta the Saint Bernard.

I say all this because it provides some context for how the following occured.

Mom and Dad had just moved in together (my parents dated for six years and were engaged for 13 days, driving everyone on both sides insane), and unfortunately, My mother’s German Shepherd, Cops, has just passed away due to bone cancer.  After mourning for a bit, Mom and Dad decided to get a dog together, as a couple.  

For context, my father had never owned a dog in his life.  His mother had ‘Pretty Bird” the budgie as a child but parrots are alien life forms, not pets.

So they go to the Palo Alto Animal shelter to adopt.  The year was 1987, and at the time, Palo Alto was… not a great place.  Lots of drugs, gangs and poor civic managment.  Mom told me that she learned to identify different types of gunfire while living there. They get there, and mom explains that she’s always had a preference for Big Dogs, and the guy’s face lights up.  Oh Yes, he says, We have a Big Dog.  For expirienced owners, yep, adoptable today, here we’ll give you a discount even-

Somehow my parents were not suspicious about this.

They were shown to the Animal in question, a Gorgeous blue-sable beastie with pretty golden eyes who immediately pressed herself against the fence and gave them the best PUH-LEEEEEEASE TAKE ME HOME puppy eyes 100lbs of canine can do.  Mom and Dad fall in love instantly.  They sign all the paperwork and take her home for $10, and name her “Mazel” as in “Mazel Tov.”

Within the hour, it becomes clear that something is amiss.

Cops had lived with his kibble stored in a plastic garbage can in the garage for six years without incident.  Mazel figured out how to open doors and got the locking lid off the can in six minutes, horking down about four pounds of the stuff before my mother notices that it’s been weirdly quiet.  Most dogs bark at or chase squirrels.  Mazel stalked and caught one the second day, presenting it to my mother like an offering.  Mazel knew all her commands but would clearly stop to consider before obeying, and trained my dad to give her good treats within a week.  The locks on the side-yard gate were undone, and she took a stroll around the neighborhood, but always retuned home for dinner.

After a week of gradually realizing that Mazel was smarter than most of the professors my mom worked with, they took her to the Vet for a routine checkup.

Dr. Hamada walked into the exam room, dropped the clip-board and said “Where the HELL did you get a Wolf?”

After a bit of prodding and a very-angry-dr.hamada-calling-the-pound, they determined Mazel was a high-content hybrid, probably with a husky, but was going to be a lil shit her entire life.  OK, said Hamada, I don’t like destroying animals and you’ve got a lot of expirience with dogs, so I’m okay with letting you keep her, but you should keep her away from small children because her Prey Drive could kick in.

Two years later, mom got pregnant with me.

Mazel noticed instantly, and reacted by digging a large hole in the yard and catching even more squirrels for mom, because she needed the protein or something.  That what you do when the Alpha Bitch is preggers, right?  Dig a den and ply her with food?  On the advice of my grandmother, my mom stayed overnight at the hospital once I was delivered, and dad went home with a shirt that had moms and my scent on it.  Mazel spent the whole night puzzling over it.

The next morning, when mom came home with me, there was the sudden and instantaneous recognition of PUPPY!!!!!! :D:D:D!!!!! PUUUUUUUPPY!!!!!!  and Mazel turned into the most aggressively maternal being I’ve ever met.  Playing with me on the blanket, sitting under my chair at meals (I was a messy eater), sleeping under my crib, teaching me to walk by letting me hang onto her fur and shuffle around.

Dr. Hamada thought mom was a madwoman, until he saw me holding Mazel’s mouth open and sticking my face in so i could look at her teeth.  He gave up when my mom announced she was pregnant with my sister.

I’m making living with a Wolfdog sound awesome, but it did come with some drawbacks:

  • Mazel did have to be muzzled at the vets, because she had Opinions about having things stuck up her butt.
  • HAIR.  One of my chores growing up was to brush her out every week and I’d frequently end up with more hair than animal.
  • the only way we could reliably get her to stay in the yard was with an overhead tether with a STEEL cable, which she chewed through anyway.
  • Do you like waking up by being hit in the face with half a dead animal? No? Wolfdogs may not be for you.
  • More than capable of opening the fridge and eating everything if you’re not watching
  • Will get into everything if not otherwise occupied.  Including eating your tax forms.
  • Howls along with sirens at 4 AM.

PROS of growing up with a wolfdog, as a small child in the 90′s

  • I was afforded a degree of freedom normally associated with a pokemon trianer. It was no big deal for me and my sister to walk three miles through my not-really-good neighborhood to the Froyo if I took Mazel with us. People tended to leave us alone when we had 100lbs of overprotective Apex Predator following us around.
  • WINNING at Pet Day at school.  There wasn’t actually a compettion but Billy’s hamster sucks in comparison to an animal that is perfectly willing to demonstrate how she can snap an oak branch in half on command.
  • PTA moms losing their shit because Mazel would walk down the block by herself to come pick ups up from school.
  • Grew up associating the word “Bitch” with teeth and the willingness to rip an asshole’s face off for being rude.  Never changed the definition.
  • Learned the I-Own-This Strut and Murder-Stare from the absolute best.

When she was 17, Mom and Dad decided to add another room on to the house.  They rigged up the overhead tether so she could be outside but not underfoot for the contruction guys.  One morning, mom came out to notice them all milling in the side yard entrance, muttering worriedly.  When mom asked what was wrong, one of them explained that Carlos forgot to bring the Hamburger.  What do you need a hamburger for?  Asked mom, and they pointed down the side yard to where Mazel was sitting, doing her best Viscious Alpha Bitch Stare.

Apparently they’d never realized that she was on the VERY end of her tether there and couldn’t actually get to them, and had been scamming them for a big mac a day for a month.  Mom had my six-year-old sister pull her away to show she wasn’t dangerous and tired her best not to laugh but kind of failed.

Mazel ended up living to be 19 and a half, and except for some minor arthritis, remarkably hale until the day she passed away in her hole in the back yard while taking a nap.  I maintain that Death had to wait until she was sleeping to get a crack at her, or she would’ve taken his scythe for a chew toy.

Some of y’all are asking about the ritual with the scotch, so HERE IS A STORY THAT SPANS SEVERAL GENERATIONS OF SHENNANIGANS.

So my dad’s side of the family is a bunch of rowdy farm boys with a dark sense of humor. My oldest uncle Tim was the first to get married and the rest of them orchestrated this complicated, almost medieval style dance routine on the dance floor where they would switch dance partners mid-song and slowly danced the bride towards the door, swept her up, put her in the back of the pickup truck, and took her away.

Tim doesn’t notice until the song ends. This was in the 70′s, way before cell phones. The front desk of the hotel gets a call, it’s one of my uncles. “We have your wife. The price is one bottle of scotch.”

He’s like ‘what is this shit?’ And he figures they can’t hold out too long. They have to come back sometime. No. They are literally driving her around the block several times, stopping at pay phones to check in to see if he’s gotten the ransom. This goes on for about an hour.

So he goes out and gets a bottle of scotch, puts it by the door as they drive by and everyone returns.

All the boys got married in the order of their birth and let me just say… they’re not above petty payback. Next one up is Jay who just… seems to forget entirely that his brothers are complete jackasses. Also, he was kind of the ringleader at the last one so there’s no way they could do it to him!

Haha… ha…. haaaaaaaa… oh, uncle Jay. You sweet summer child… who is also several decades older than me. 

Bride gets kidnapped, almost in the same manner as Tim’s. The price, as always, is a bottle of scotch. But Jay… oh… Jay…

Jay just HAD to get his ass married on a Sunday and this is Indiana, buck-o. There ain’t no alcohol sales on Sundays. No liquor stores, no grocery stores, no convenience stores. Nowhere. But there WAS a bar at the Marriott holding the reception. So he had to pay the front desk $75 for a bottle of scotch maybe worth $20 so he could get his wife back. 

A pattern emerges. 

My uncle Moe was next in line. They…. eloped for reasons, but for the purposes of this story we will say that he avoided a situation where his brothers could steal his wife. It’s kind of a personality thing with him, we’ve noticed. Just… ‘oh! Let me avoid this conflict entirely.’ 

Next up is my dad, who is a fun-loving dude who had his reception at a bowling alley and he was NOT, I repeat: NOT- going to have this night ruined by larceny when there is IMPORTANT BOWLING TO BE DONE. Buys a bottle of scotch and and presents it to his brothers with a big audience just so no one can claim that he didn’t. Everyone has fun. 

Moe’s first marriage falls through, and I’m not saying that there’s superstitious reasons for this but I’m just saying- he most certainly DID NOT present a bottle of scotch as an offering at the reception so we must reasonably assume that this had something to do with it. He gets married again and you better believe that there was a bottle of scotch waiting for his brothers at their table. 

So this tradition carried on into the next generation. No one actually expects that the four of them are up to kidnapping anyone when they’re well into their 50′s, but no one is about to risk it. There is a bottle of scotch at the table where the brothers sit at every wedding. 

But my cousin Julia is a perfectionist and if there is any detail that might go wrong, she is going to obsess over it. Because of this, she has a tendency to overcompensate to make sure that NOTHING goes wrong. NOTHING. 

She plans her big moment TO THE MINUTE and a week before the wedding she has this revelation… she has heard… stories. 

Oh no. 

The scotch. 

Around the same time, my grandma is moving out of her old house and she’s inviting family members to rifle through her old things before she gives them to Goodwill. Me, my dad, Tim, and Jay are all there. We’re about to leave when Moe comes up the drive way with a BIG BOX. 

And Gran is like ‘I don’t need more stuff… I don’t need more stuff.. what the fresh hell have you brought to me this time, son of mine?’

He sets it on the floor and it clinks. 

“Julia has ordered me to bring this as a preemptive offer to ensure that there will be no need for a ransom.”

He has brought 24 bottles of scotch. Each brother, including himself, can have six bottles. Whatever debt might have been incurred from his first marriage has been paid off. Her children, and her children’s children, and her children’s children’s children… will no longer need to live in fear of kidnapping on their wedding night. 

This is a sharp contrast to my sister-in-law, who learned of this tradition a week before her wedding, went out and bought a bottle of scotch, slammed it down on their table, and told them to fight for it. 

Bob Harper had a heart attack.  Now leave fat people alone.

Bob Harper, a former trainer on the Biggest Loser, has been one of the fittest men on television for over a decade.  He had a massive heart attack a couple of weeks ago and was hospitalized for eight days.

Bob Harper – a fitness guru who’s the host of “The Biggest Loser” – suffered a heart attack that left him unconscious for 2 days.

Harper tells us he was working out in a NYC gym 2 weeks ago when he collapsed. A doctor who was also working out administered CPR and used paddles to keep Bob alive.

The 51-year-old was taken to the hospital and says he woke up 2 days later. He was hospitalized for 8 days and is still in NYC – he lives in L.A. – because his doctors have not cleared him to fly.

(cont. TMZ)

Heart disease and heart attacks run in Bob Harper’s family and he says it’s all genetics.  I’m sure he’s absolutely right, but why are we okay agreeing with a fit man who says his heart attack was genetics while we view fat people who say “it’s genetics” with such disdain?

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“You don’t know me, Nurse!” Dex yells, turning and slamming the door on his way out.

Nursey sinks down into his chair, hands shaking with the adrenaline rush that always comes after a blowout with Dex. He grabs his headphones, tugs his sweatshirt on, and laces up his running shoes. He’s feeling like he could run six or seven today, after a fight like that, but he doesn’t want to overdo it, so he’ll stick to his usual three.

He refuses to allow himself to think for the first mile, focusing on his breath and the sound of his feet against the pavement. It’s warmer than it should be, this time of year, but the air is still cold enough to feel that bit of chill in his lungs.

By the second mile he’s working through the argument in his head, parsing through everything leading up to it and trying to figure out what started it. He can’t figure it out, or maybe he just doesn’t remember. Whatever started it, Dex had surely ended it. You don’t know me, Nurse. A lie if Nursey’s ever heard one. He knows Dex.

I know Dex, he’s repeating through the third mile. He doesn’t know why he’s so hung up on it, except that it’s total fucking bullshit. I know Dex. I know him. I do. Fuck him for thinking I don’t. Fuck him.

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how my first boyfriend broke up with me

the summer of 2007. I’m 13. he’s my school mate, a year older. we’ve been together for a month and held hands twice. that was basically our whole relationship. I’m on vacation with my grandparents. we’re not that far away from each other, but can’t really see one another because neither of us can drive, since we’re just kids. it’s tough on us, I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t speak to him every day. I’m silly like that, like every other 13 year old.

my grandma from another town wakes me up with a phone call one morning. it’s early and I’m confused. I find out my grandpa has died. I’m crushed, we’ve literally just connected and became close, and now I lost him. my other grandma helps me pack and I get on the bus immediately, along with my other grandpa, traveling 5 hours to go visit her and eventually, attend the funeral. 

I message my boyfriend while I’m traveling. it’s really hot in the bus, it feels stuffy. I think I really wanted him to comfort me. I tell him what has happened, he replies a couple of hours later. this is how our conversation went down:

me: hey, so my grandpa just died this morning and I’m travelling to Zagreb to see grandma

him: I’m so sorry, that’s so sad

him: I think we should break up

and that was it. 

On Tradition

My great-grandmother used to say that tradition was tending a flame, not worshiping ashes. She also used to say that just because something was always done, didn’t mean it was always right.

Just because tradition says that there are strict gender roles in your religion, doesn’t mean you have to accept that. Just because tradition says that the divine expects this or that of you, doesn’t mean you have to agree to that. 

When people cite tradition, sometimes they’re really saying, “We don’t have a good reason, except that it’s always been this way.”

Fight for what you want your religion or your magickal tradition to be. Don’t just accept that because it has always been one way it must always be that way.

You want to be a High Priestess but everyone says you can’t be because you’re trans? Do it anyway. You want to hold the so-called “masculine divine” inside you at a ritual, but you’re a cis-gendered woman? Do it anyway. 

Make a new fire and tend that one. Don’t worship their ashes. 

little things to love about seokmin
  • smiley sunshine!!!
  • cutest lil sunflower!!!
  • the dorkiest boy 
  • powerful vocals 
  • part of the great gag trio
  • seokhorse!
  • always coming up with play-on-words and puns 
  • moves around a lot 
  • a very wiggly person LOL 
  • “twoteen!” 
  • “hEY YOU UGLY PEOPLE”
  • MOST EXPRESSIVE!!!
  • thighs for DAYYSSSSSSSSSSSS
  • always screaming for some reason. same tho 
  • radiant charisma
  • naruto fan
  • always doing naruto runs or pretends to summon justus
  • has very pretty hands!
  • same birthday as vernon
  • grandpa!seokmin along with grandma!hoshi
  • loves karaoke 
  • super lively, but is also sensitive
  • makes a lot of funny faces 
  • can go from “bright sunny dk” to “mr. steal yo girl dk” in .5 seconds i cant believe
  • “My name is Lee Seokmin, my favorite food is Wenchang chicken” 
  • quite good at cooking! 
  • one of his specialties is losing stuff
  • also singing loudly is another one 
  • remember when he packed a humidifier for ‘one fine day’
  • “I want to bite myself” hAHA OMG
  • yo he has very nice eyebrows like when will i ever
  • predebut seokmin omfg
  • he stil thinks he needs to improve on his singing, he works hard to become better 
  • such a humble human ;; 
  • i hope our lil ray of sunshine has a great day 

things my roommate has learned about Overwatch from tumblr

- everyone is gay

- straight boys are sad about that

- the tol pink one dates the short parka one

- the angel lady dates the daughter of the grandma

- grandma approves/disapproves of this

- the filthy junk man is trans and is dating the pig man

- Lucio is very sweet and wants everyone to get along

- you have to stay on the payload

5

okay but have you considered little old lady fanclub

(because if there’s one thing conversations with my grandma and her crew at the old folk’s home has made clear to me it is that polite young people with nice arses are a desirable commodity at all ages)

Bts reaction to you fangirling over their baby photos:

Request: Can you perhaps do a scenario where you find their baby pictures and you’re just fangirling over how cute and adorable they are please? I would be so happy if you do this and I’m nervous because this is my first ask ever 😅 I’d like to thank you in advance! I’m also a fan of your work! 💕

Al N: wow I’m so honored that I’m your first, there is no need to be nervous ;)  I hope it lives up to your expectations.


Jin:

Originally posted by myloveseokjin

Joins you in your silly session as he is the most confident memeber in himself. I can see him going like wow! look at how beautiful I was!

Suga:

Originally posted by yoongight

Shy baby as he watches from a distance, a gummy smile itching on his face involuntarily while you go through old pictures and gasp at his cuteness. He won’t get involved but damn watching you was so fun.

J-Hope:

Originally posted by parkejimins

The one to actually squeal along you and start rummaging through the old photos, if you didn’t know better, you would think he was a a proud dad showing his baby pics.

Rap Monster:

Originally posted by fyeahbangtaned

Shy af Namjoon might as well snatch the papers from your hands only to give it back seconds later after earning a very displeased growl from you. Probably the only one who will feel really awkward and hesitant. Although when he saw only cute and happy responses he felt a lot easier.

Jimin:

Originally posted by marikit257

Watching you getting all cute and squishy was the best part for him. Sure he complained a few times that he is a man and not a cute baby bun but at some point he stopped paying attention to the pictures and just started shamelessly taking your beautiful reactions in and trying not to kiss all over your face.

V/ Taehyung:

Originally posted by freshsugakookies

Who are we kidding he probably found them and showed you himself because he has so much pride in his baby self. Tae will explain each pic like this was taken by my Grandma, that one at the subway, It was my birthday in this pic. A lot of cuddling and cute names really.

Jungkook:

Originally posted by kookiemunchkin

It’s as if we didn’t see it coming. Shy shy shy and he won’t hide it. His face will turn red, he will ask you multiple times to drop it but Jungkook’s curiosity will eventually get the best of him and he will painfully sit down next to you and remember the old days.
Dear Evan Hansen characters as things my mother has done
  • Cynthia: collapses on my bed "they had weeeeeeed" continues to cry
  • Larry: makes strangling motion with her hands when her students are acting stupid
  • Jared: laughs at a trump meme for a solid 5 minutes
  • Heidi: joins PTA, "I don't like anyone. They're all so stupid."
  • Zoe: sings along to every Justin Timberlake song on the radio, scandalizes my friends
  • Alana: "why did I become a teacher I DON'T EVEN LIKE CHILDREN"
  • Connor: my mom was born on Father's Day, one year she woke up late to my grandma screaming "what do you have to say to your father?!?" at her, it took them solidly half the day to remember her birthday
  • Evan: "the worst injury I had as a kid was when I got my bell bottoms stuck in the chain on my bike and fell down a hill"

normanikordei: I can’t stop smiling from ear to ear writing this. I’m grateful to each person that has invested their time to support me throughout this journey. I really can’t begin to express the impact that you have made on my life and my family. My reward is being able to look in the audience each week seeing just how proud my loved ones are. I’ll forever remember that little girl on the couch watching #DWTS with her grandma. The dream became my reality. My heart smiles. Thank you for being such a special part of this experience. I could just cry because it all seems way too good to be true. We’re in the home stretch. Final results next week. Make sure you don’t forget to cast your votes. We’re so close but the race isn’t over #TeamValmani 😼
1-800-868-3410

Random Admitted Facts Of USWNT:

Shannon Boxx - I broke a chair at a national team dinner, but never hit the floor while still holding Christie Rampone’s daughter Rylie on my lap.

Lori Chalupny - I wish I could grow just a little bit so I could be listed at 5-5 instead of 5-4.

Lauren Holiday - When I was 10, I wanted to go to football camp but my mom put me in cheer camp instead. I won best toe-touch.

Tobin Heath - I used to steal gear from U.S. Soccer when I was younger, but for that I am sorry.

Carli Lloyd - I prefer sandals over sneakers.

Heather O'Reilly - I have an enormous sweet tooth. I maul chocolate.

Ali Krieger - I never leave the house without mascara.

Christie Rampone - I am a real red head!

Morgan Brian - My favorite show growing up was “SpongeBob SquarePants” and kinda still is.

Megan Rapione - Playing in Chicago may be dangerous for me, because as I said, I love to shop.

Amy Rodriguez - One of my worst habits is cracking my knuckles. My Grandma thinks I’m going to get arthritis.

Hope Solo - I buy myself flowers because I love to have them in the house.

Abby Wambach - When I was waking up from the anesthesia after my surgery for my broken leg, I was crying and saying “I want my mommy.”

Alex Morgan - My cat has six toes on each of its front paws.

Kelley O'Hara - I put water on my cereal.

Alyssa Naeher - My parents told us that when Amanda and I were babies, we’d just sit up in our cribs talking to each other for hours.

Christen Press - I never touched the ball once in my first soccer league.

Becky Sauerbrunn - I’m really good at video games.

Whitney Engen - My parents loved to dress my brother and I up as children.

Julie Johnston - I used to cry every time I fell down on the soccer field when I was nine.

Sydney Leroux - I was at the office every single day and they had to call my mom to come get me every single day.

Ashlyn Harris - I hit a kid in the face with a fish in Florida when I was younger.

Meghan Klingenberg - When I was around six years old, believe it or not, I was really shy.

My art teacher wears fedoras and nike slides with knee highs and is an absolute goldmine for ridiculous quotes. Today’s highlight was “You don’t have to wait until you’re 90 to experience the joys of dribbling.” Some others include: “I’m not ready to start wetting myself just because I’m middle aged.” “Excuse me, you have a real mustache and it’s upsetting your friends.” “Take a seat. A comfortable one. One that makes you feel understood by the universe.” My personal favourite is: “Overtime it has become inappropriate to compliment grandma’s pussy.” (he was talking abt real feline cats)

I’m laying on a mound of blankets on the floor in a closet next to a toddler right now because we’re visiting family and all the beds and couches are full and it got me to thinking. What if some aliens didn’t have big families? Like they lived for so long and were so durable it didn’t make sense to ha e more than one or two children per mated pair. Where as human families can be enormous! My own family consists of 8 people. That’s six kids and there’s the possibility of another one soon. I know ladies who come from families with 10 or 13 children. And what about the close knit families where every weekend is a family reunion because everyone goes to great grandma’s house for dinner or everyone lives in the same area of town so you can just go two blocks down to visit your sister or your uncle. From the viewpoint of an alien species that is efficiently independent and only reproduces once or twice in their lives, humans must be insane….though it would help stress our need for contact and bonding

Scott McCall AU

Plot: Any permanent mark your soulmate gets, you get. Along with a distinct, unique tattoo that appears after an important moment in your soulmate’s life, however, you have no idea how you get away clean

A/N: So I really don’t see a lot of these Soulmate AUs with the Teen Wolf fandom, or at least the tags I check don’t, but I’ve decided to write a series, which will finally get me on track for my writing schedule and hopefully inspire future imagines. Also this is a pretty long one… so enjoy!! AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!!!

~~~

When you were younger it seemed you found new scars on yourself every few months, sometimes 5 a month. Your parents were constantly worried but once they realized that the scars appeared on below your elbows and knees, they just figured out that your soulmate was clumsy.

“I wonder what this kid does all day…” Your dad used to tell you.

“I bet he’s a superhero.” Your mom used to tease you, just to see your tiny cheeks warm.

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Family Reunion-(Stiles Stilinski)

Originally posted by martabuzz

Summary: You and Stiles attend a family reunion, but with a twist. Stiles is your fake ‘boyfriend’.

Warnings: none?

Pairing: Eventual Stiles x Reader

Word Count: 1561


I pull up into a car park down the street from my grans lake house and shoot Stiles a look of gratitude. If it weren’t for Stiles, my best friend and savior, I would have to endure another agonizing family reunion full of teasing and hurtful jokes aimed in my direction.

There are yearly family reunions at my grans lake house, and this year I’ve decided to bring along Stiles to end their tormenting. He’d play along as my ‘boyfriend’ and I’d be left alone once and for all.

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ambivalentcats  asked:

Okay okay but get this: Vitiligo!Lance who is super insecure about his spots and doesn't let anybody see (Hunk knows bc childhood friends) and one day something happens and his foundation washes off and he's so mortified because he's already useless he doesn't need to be a freak too

My grandma has vitiligo 

Okay but, I see this, and I raise you a Lance who is really insecure because he used to get bullied for it. Like he was raised in Cuba until he was 12 and they moved too the states (Somewhere in California is my head canon, but anywhere works) and when he was 15 they moved back to Cuba, so he is used to being teased for being two skin tones. Lets just say, he starts putting on the makeup at a young age. 

And he learns how to make the foundation around the same time he learns how to make nail polish, so he never really can run out, he just makes more. 

The only one who knows about his Vitiligo is Hunk, the best friend, and when Keith accidentally washes it off (He had a wet cloth, cleaning, he tripped, and his hand caught on Lance’s face) he immediately goes to Lance’s room and gets his foundation, cause Hunk knows Lance hates it. But Keith’s just like, “Whoa Lance, you have vatiligo? Its kinda.. pretty.” 

Of course Lance flips, because he really really hates it. And he’s like “people with vitiigo can’t be pretty!!” Something my Grandma went through when she was young And Keith is just like, “Winnie Harlow.  I wish I could show you a picture, but she’s extremely pretty, and just like you, she has vitiligo. Its nothing too be ashamed of Lance.” 

Lance doesn’t listen, but he does start to let his guard down around Keith now that he knows, and shows it doesn’t bother him that much. Like he always takes off makeup before bed, and he used to only cuddle with Hunk when it was time too sleep cause of this, but now he’ll sometimes talk to Keith without the makeup if its past bed time for the team.

2

Some of you have noticed I haven’t been posting much lately, so I thought I’d share this here. I know this is pretty out of the ordinary for me, but I’d like to get extremely personal for a minute. This week my grandfather–the man who raised me, who taught me to ride a bike, who used to sneak me cookies from the kitchen, who checked my tire pressure every time I came over to visit, who pushed me on the back yard tire swing for hours at a time and never complained–passed away. It is impossible to express in words what his loss means to me, even more so since I am currently an ocean away from the rest of my family. Instead, I’d like to tell you a little bit about my grandparents because, while they were a regular part of my life, their lives were quietly extraordinary.

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