- other reality cooking shows: TEN ASSHOLES in a room, all of them PUMPED UP on CRYSTAL METH and THIRSTY for HUMAN BLOOD. we’re gonna SYSTEMATICALLY DESTROY their self-esteem until one of them LOSES IT, throws HOT FAT in another one’s FACE and DISFIGURES THEM FOR LIFE. you are GUARANTEED to DIE of second hand anxiety
- me: *yawns* that was ok i guess. a nice relaxing watch before bed
- the great british bake off: we are going to find the twelve most adorable people in the uk and politely request them to whip up some of britain’s favourite sweet treats. they will talk in soft voices, make self-deprecating jokes, and emotionally support one another. an elderly lady and her middle-class henchman are going to sample their bakes and offer gentle feedback.
- me: oh my GOD are you trying to KILL me I CAN’T HANDLE THIS my HEART’s exploding this should be ILLEGAL @bbc TONE IT THE FUCK DOWN