my god you should be illegal

  • other reality cooking shows: TEN ASSHOLES in a room, all of them PUMPED UP on CRYSTAL METH and THIRSTY for HUMAN BLOOD. we’re gonna SYSTEMATICALLY DESTROY their self-esteem until one of them LOSES IT, throws HOT FAT in another one’s FACE and DISFIGURES THEM FOR LIFE. you are GUARANTEED to DIE of second hand anxiety
  • me: *yawns* that was ok i guess. a nice relaxing watch before bed
  • the great british bake off: we are going to find the twelve most adorable people in the uk and politely request them to whip up some of britain’s favourite sweet treats. they will talk in soft voices, make self-deprecating jokes, and emotionally support one another. an elderly lady and her middle-class henchman are going to sample their bakes and offer gentle feedback.
  • me: oh my GOD are you trying to KILL me I CAN’T HANDLE THIS my HEART’s exploding this should be ILLEGAL @bbc TONE IT THE FUCK DOWN
Find your dialogue prompt!

A: The first letter of your first name!

B: Your birthday!


  • A: “Can I help you?”
  • B: “Be gentle.”
  • C: “Help me find my scarf!”
  • D: “What happened to your arm?”
  • E: “What the hell happened here?!”
  • F: “How are you feeling?”
  • G: “Well, this is interesting! Did you know-”
  • H: “I just thought of a world without puppies and got really sad.”
  • I: “I love you.”
  • J: “Please kill me.”
  • K: “Want to know how I got these scars?”
  • L: “On go, we’re going to run, okay?”
  • M: “Help me.”
  • N: “Did you hear that?”
  • O: “Kiss me.”
  • P: “What’s your favorite sin?”
  • Q: “Does God ever say ‘Oh my God’?”
  • R: “We’re stuck in a maze!”
  • S: “So, today I was thinking we should-”
  • T: “Did you just murder someone?!”
  • U: “Code Yellow, I repeat code yellow!”
  • V: “I want to show you something.”
  • W: “Can we cuddle?”
  • X: “Do you want to talk about your childhood?”
  • Y: “Who wants to die today?“
  • Z: "I am the hero this city needs!”

  1. “Oh, I saw a spider”
  2. “You shouldn’t have had that sixth cup of coffee.”
  3. “Speaking of that, I just got laid.”
  4. “That should be illegal.”
  5. “High School Musical.”
  6. “Speaking of gay, I’m gonna go do some gay stuff right now.”
  7. “Unrealistic.”
  8. “I hope you outlast your relatives.”
  9. “Easy, psycho.”
  10. “I won!”
  11. “I’m confused, as usual.”
  12. “I volunteer as tribute.”
  13. “It’s magic!”
  14. “Dang, I was so close…”
  15. “I have a headache.”
  16. “I love being left alone.”
  17. “Can I kiss you?”
  18. Please, tell me more.”
  19. “Stay quiet!”
  20. “Oh maaaaan, sounds amazing, who can resist!”
  21. “That’s so gay.”
  22. “This is all your fault.”
  23. “Are you okay?”
  24. “No.”
  25. “A badly timed joke?”
  26. “I want to leave.”
  27. “5 more minutes.”
  28. “I’m calling the police!”
  29. “Queue the music.”
  30. “Stop following me!”
  31. “We’re all going to die.”

(if you get something confusing, then try to explain it, BAM, you’re writing)

Wonho Smile Appreciation

(credit goes to the people who own these gifs and pictures)

can we all just take a hot second to appreciate Wonho’s smile. okok.

it is literally my favourite thing about him

like, damn boiii you shine so damn bright

it’s quite spectacular, isn’t it?

just look at him. are you seeing this?!!?

i’m honestly suing because he should be illegal.

god, i feel blessed.

what did this cruel world do to deserve such a thing…

so cute but sexy at the same time T-T

alright i’m out. i’m done. i’m deceased.

i’m certain this boy enjoys watching us suffer so..

adios amigos.


if you have any requests for other appreciation posts or you have ideas for fanfics/smuts, then my requests are open <3

Imagínate

Request/Summary: puedes hacer latinxpeterparker? :) gracias! -your fellow hispanic nerd [@worldsroses] | Peter gets some very much needed ayuda en español.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Latinx!Reader

Word Count: 1433

A/N: I loved writing this because it’s silly and cute, and I hope you all enjoy this! Note: there are no translations included for the Spanish in the fic, sorry :/ Hopefully I’ll start writing more fics in Spanish for all my lovely latinx gente out there :) | masterlist

Originally posted by deanwinchestor


Keep reading

stone-cold-brahma-bull:

It was a tables match.

First one to go through a table loses.

I hope everyone can appreciate this now

More people should watch WWE, to be honest. The amount of fuckery like the gif above that happens on this show, all while being live, is fucking glorious and you can’t help but keel over laughing sometimes

Like, some of these guys’ wrestling persona are just

like we got a guy who salsa’s all the time and kanye west’s people by yelling FANDANGO

a guy who never stops taking selfies (even during matches) also his phone is hooked up to the giant screen so you literally watch him take all these selfies

an old guy who goes around and propagates about illegals crossing the border and a whole bunch of racist shit but the shit he says is so ridiculous that no one ever really takes him as a serious racist, for example:

External image

i really could go on

i really cant even with this shit sometimes

but yeah, you guys should watch it

riddlermethis  asked:

Prompt: Dirk and Todd are on a case, they’re about to be caught, when one of them tells the other to kiss them so they’ll blend in. They do. But they don’t stop kissing even when the bad guy’s passed by them

smooches coming your way!

(this is a bit sillier, fluffier, happy-go-lucky brotzly than my usual stuff. which is nice to try my hand at once in a while!)

~

Todd looked around the very seedy club. The place was filled with older men who looked like they had been drunk since 10am, couples making out against whatever surfaces available, broken glass, a bachelor party and some woman crying at the counter.
A few years ago, this would’ve probably been Todd’s scene, more or less. Now though, he felt very out of place.
“Dirk, are you sure this is where we’re supposed to be?” He asked the detective currently bouncing slightly to the beat of the music.
“Todd, am I ever sure of anything? No. But, the universe takes me where I need to be. I have a hunch about this place.” Dirk replied.
“Yeah, me too. I have a hunch they do some illegal businesses here.” Todd mumbled.
“Oh, lighten up, Todd! I’m sure whatever we’re here for will make itself kno- oh my god!” Dirk suddenly squealed and pointed towards the door of the establishment.
Todd turned around to see the thugs they’d barely escaped from only hours before walking in.
“Shit! What the hell do we do?” Todd exclaimed.
“Well, it was quite a heated fight and we’re wearing different clothes, maybe they won’t recognize us?” Dirk suggested.
Todd stared at him dumbfounded. “Are you kidding me!?”
“Alright, alright, we should do something.” Dirk agreed.
Todd waited for a plan, but Dirk remained quiet.
Todd snuck a glance at the door. The men weren’t there anymore. He did a quick scan of the place and finally found the men, heading towards the counter, which they’d have to pass Todd and Dirk to get to.
“Shit shit shit shit.” Todd chanted.
“This is quite a pickle, isn’t it.” Dirk said.
“Oh god. Okay, we just have to blend in. Not stand out. Act natural.” Todd instructed.
Dirk placed his hands on his hips in what he must’ve seen as a casual gesture but really looked like he was doing the Superman pose, and looked at the ceiling.
“How is that natural!?” Todd exclaimed.
“I- I panicked!” Was Dirk’s reply.
Todd looked out for the men and saw they’d moved closer, past the couple kissing and groping in the corner.
And Todd got an idea. Most likely a terrible, terrible idea, but it was all they got.
“Kiss me.” He told Dirk.
Dirk looked like he’d seen a ghost. “What?”
“We need to blend in and they won’t see our faces. Kiss me.” Todd explained.
Dirk seemed frozen in place but Todd hadn’t heard a ‘no’ so he took a step closer to Dirk, trapping him between the wall behind him and Todd’s body.
He took a shaky breath and then stood on his toes and grabbed Dirk’s horrified looking face.
And then he kissed Dirk.
For a moment, it was weird. Did he just seriously kiss Dirk to avoid bad guys from beating them up again? What is his life?
But then Dirk kissed him back.
Oh.
Dirk’s lips were surprisingly soft. His kisses were careful, hesitant. Todd pressed himself even closer to Dirk, putting more pressure into the kiss.
Dirk’s hands, which had been glued to his sides a few seconds ago, came to rest on Todd’s hips and Todd forgot all about the creepy bad guys and the gross nightclub.
The height difference had forced Todd to stand on his toes and crane his neck up, but now Dirk was leaning down as they kissed, making it more comfortable for Todd.
They were kissing.
Todd was currently kissing Dirk.
Scratch that, Todd was currently pretty much making out with Dirk.
At some point, Todd’s hands had moved from either side of Dirk’s face and into his hair. He had really soft hair?
And somehow, tongues had gotten involved.
Dirk tasted like something very familiar yet Todd couldn’t put his finger on what it was. To be fair, he was quite distracted at the moment.
How had they never done this before? Sure Todd had thought about it, but immediately caught himself and locked that thought away. Right now, he could not remember why.
Dirk let out a content sigh into their kiss and Todd felt the need to look at him.
Then he remembered where they were.
Right. Public place. Case.
Todd pulled away, leaving Dirk panting, leaning against the wall.
“Have they gone?” Todd asked, unwilling to turn away from Dirk.
“Who?” Dirk asked. Todd gave him an amused look. “Oh! Yes, yes they seem to be… gone.” Dirk replied and a bright blush crept up on his face.
“Okay. Good.” Todd responded with an awkward smile. “Now what? Do we go after them? See what they’re up to? They must be why we’re here, right?” He asked and dragged his fingers through his hair.
“Right. Or…” Dirk responded but left the sentence hanging.
“Or?” Todd asked.
“Or maybe they aren’t why we’re here.” Dirk suggested.
“What else could it be?” Todd asked, confused.
“Oh I don’t know, there’s a lot of interesting things going on here.” Dirk replied with a shy smile and an even heavier blush than before.
Todd furrowed his brows, not understanding what could be more important than the men actually a part of the case.
Then he understood Dirk’s shy but suggestive expression.
“Oh, you sneaky little shit.” He laughed. “Did you bring me here to make out with you?”
“No! I told you I don’t know why we had to be here, it was a hunch!” Dirk defended himself.
“Aha.” Todd replied with a teasing smile on his face.
“It was!” Dirk exclaimed and then looked down at his feet. “Maybe the universe wanted me here to-“
“Make out?” Todd interrupted.
“For the love of God, stop saying ‘make out!’” Dirk hissed, obviously embarrassed.
Todd closed the small distance between them and played with the collar of Dirk’s shirt.
“Well, we wouldn’t want to defy the will of the universe, would we?” He asked in his best flirty voice.
Dirk swallowed. “I should think not. Even though I-“
Todd caught him off with a kiss.

~

if you have any ideas for fics, do send them my way, I’d love to write them! my inbox is open! x

[Mystrade] A Study in Pink

you’re not going to BELIEVE this. x
Sent 20:07

Mm? Are you by some miracle on your way back? I don’t appreciate London’s corpses keeping my lover from me. Whoever it is, they’ll still be dead in the morning…
Received 20:09

stuck here a while yet… sorry, gorgeous. Your brother has just been and confused the hell out of me as usual. seems to be onto something though… you ready for the big news? x
Sent 20:11

Big news…? Dare I ask?
Received 20:12

Sherlock had someone with him. A bloke. an ACTUAL person. Guy didn’t say a whole lot but he was stuck to your brothers side like glue. Doctor of some kind? think it was “john watson”, if I heard right… they’ve gone tearing off now. god only knows. x
Sent 20:14

Dear sweet lord. Are you entirely certain?
Received 20:15

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Uknown saeran having a dream about mc riding dat hot topic reject dick and being horribly pissed and aroused when waking up ;9

I love how my friends phrase things…


You were moaning his name. Not anyone else’s. Not that stupid actor, that rich man, that kid- His name, and god did it sound heavenly rolling off your tongue. His nails dug into your thighs, smirking when your breath hitched and your hips stuttered a bit with their pace. 

“Too much, angel? Can’t handle a little pain?”

You couldn’t respond, just tried slamming yourself down on his cock, your hands balling into fists against his chest. God, you felt so fucking good- He gripped your hips harshly, snapping his hips up to meet yours unexpectantly.

“Sssaeran! God, yes!”

“I’m going to make you addicted to my cock, babe-”

A shrill alarm woke him up from his slumped over position at his desk. Slowly, he groaned and picked his head off his numbed arm, scowling at his phone as it vibrated. A clock and a message, ‘Get the fuck up’, was shining on the screen, and he threw himself against his computer chair.

Rubbing his face, he glanced at the monitor displaying a live feed to the apartment- You resting on the couch in shorts that should be illegal, and a comfy oversized shirt. If he couldn’t see the little bit of black peeking out from that shirt, he would have sworn that you didn’t even have anything else on.

Realizing how stiff he felt, how sore his cock was, he let out another annoyed sound. Of course, the first time in a while he gets a sex dream he enjoys, it had to be you.

He wasn’t going to admit that you were cute- That you prancing around in nearly nothing was making him take longer showers. Making him unable to sleep properly. That he woke up with his hand in his sweats more often than he cared for.

He pushed himself away from his desk with a huff, getting up from the chair and almost stomping to the bathroom. He wanted a cold shower, prefered a cold shower, but he knew damn well he was going to end up jerking his frustrations away.

mexicanmedstudent  asked:

Trimberly prompt: Each time Kimberly smiles at Trini, the latter trips or breaks something. Please :)

Trini was fine having Biology with Kim. What she was not fine with was getting put into the same Chemistry class as Kim the next semester.

Kim insists that they be partners, and Trini swears that one of these days, when mixing some dangerous chemicals something is going to go terribly wrong if Kim keeps smiling at her and touching the inside of her wrist.

Trini’s halfway through a lab with Kim patiently reading out the directions as Trini grabs a beaker, and some liquid that their teacher warned them to be careful with.

“Hey, wait a second,” Kim tells Trini just as she’s about to pour the liquid into the beaker, “Don’t forget your safety goggles.” Kim says with a smile as she pulls them over Trini’s eyes gently.

Trini can feel her face heat up instantly, and she nods dumbly as she stutters out a small thank you. She manages to pour the amount of liquid they need successfully.

Kim smiles at her again, and oh my god, Trini knocks the beaker off their table and her goggles are splattered in liquid.

Kimberly just laughs, a sound that should be illegal (only because it makes Trini want to do something ridiculously stupid everyday) and as Trini fumbles to pick up the shards of glass, she hits her head on another table, knocking over the beaker that was on that table.

Once Kimberly calms down enough to help Trini clean, she just gives Trini another smile as she says, “It’s a good thing you still had your goggles on, huh?”

Trini’s just thankful that she didn’t do anything stupid for a third time in the span of five minutes, like cut her hand on one of the shards of glass.

(She misses notes in her last two classes of the day because all she can think about is the way Kim smiles at her)

That was only one example but Trini totally runs into an open locker one day in the halls as Kim laughs at one of her jokes
2

Love in Bloom Fanfic Scene commission for @thattachibooty

Oh my god. How are they this cute and Makoto in a Hello Kitty apron should be illegal at one point.(/。\) Yeah, Haru. Go touch that arm like nbd.

female reproductive autonomy is an urgent political issue.  demanding that autonomy is not “oppressive” or “exclusionary” or somehow harmful to people who will never have to panic over a missed period, never have to risk an unsafe illegal abortion, never have to know the pain, fear, & shame of being told that your body is not your own, just a means to a reproductive end.

how dare you.  how dare you mock “cis women” for being concerned about abortion.  how deluded are you to believe that being born a member of the female sex (& not disowning that femaleness) is a privilege.  god, i hope one day you feel all the shame you should feel today

BTS as things my father has said:
  • Namjoon: this may be the third day in a row we've gotten chilli's for dinner but i don't hear any of you complaining
  • Seokjin: *someone calls his daughter pretty* thanks. oh you meant her?
  • Hoseok: *laughing hysterically at viral cat videos from 2010*
  • Yoongi: *teaches own children how to illegally download music*
  • Taehyung: guys. oh my god. there's a frog in the garage.
  • Jimin: do not make me dance mediocre ballet in the middle of this JC Penney i WILL do it
  • Jungkook: *almost bursts a blood vessel trying to carry 12 bags of groceries in one trip*
Reasons my ovaries keep getting maliciously butchered:

●Thighs that wont quit (and makes you wanna wear him like a pair of sunglasses)
●Jawline that could cut through glass
●Hands. Just… hands.
●Toothy smiles “Can i please lick you?
●"Oh, my god. You adorable fucking dork!”
●Lipbiting. -> swoon, thud.
●Eyefucking… this shit should be illegal.
●"The shirt is off, I can’t breathe, the shirt is off. I hate you"

Originally posted by nou-ran

Leading Suspects - Chapter 2

Chapter 1 can be found here


CHAPTER 2

“Unf,” I grunt as I startle awake, arms flailing as I try to catch myself before falling out of my chair. Blinking and rubbing the shitty sleep from my eyes, I stand out of my chair a little so I can check on Madge. She’s still fast asleep, facing the wall, her beautiful face bruised. I know from what the nurses told me when I arrived that the worst of the bruises on her face rests over a cracked cheekbone, and that they extend down her torso over her ribs, one of which is also cracked.

Keep reading

  • Psychic: *reads mind*
  • My mind: Hey run-buns~ TEAM MOM! Shinji was a bitch ass poser! Ay yo! Homeboy looks like sharkweek, I ain't mess'n with that. I'm naked? I hate it when you leave, but I love watch'n you go~ Swim team noth'n I want that boy to be my bride! Oh my god, look at him run! Oh, it should be illegal to be that fine~ Bitch you goin' to be mine~ BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCK'N EVERYWHERE!
  • Psychic: WTF?
2

A/N: So I am back from vacation, Idk if I’ll post pics or videos from the trip or not. Just wanted to say I’m glad to be back and in relation to this Imagine I don’t smoke weed I just know a LOT of people who do. 

You were in your room, just laying in bed trying to decide if you would turn on your laptop or not. Just when you had decided it was too much work you heard your front door open followed by angry stomps coming up the stairs.

‘Honestly I feel like if I hear the name Allison again I’m gonna start dropping bodies.’ Stiles said as he barged into your room.

‘Let me guess…Scott?’ you sighed as you sat up.

'My phone got confiscated because he texted me about Allison sending him nudes. It costs me twenty bucks to get it back then Scott asked for twenty more to take Allison out for pizza.’ Stiles griped as he sat next to you.

'Dick move.’ you replied.

'Yeah.’ he sighed.

'Wanna bake the pain away or eat it?’ you asked.

'What?’ he asked in confusion.

You reached into your bedside desk and pulled out two plastic bags.

One had a green grassy substance and the other had a brownie.

He looked between the two bags in shock.

'You know I’m the sheriff’s son right?’

'I know, that’s why you get away with so much. Like trespassing, breaking and entering, going through classified files, running red lights, stea-’

'OK I get it, give the brownie.’ Stiles interrupted.

'Thought so.’ you smiled as you handed him the bag.

While he was opening the edible you dug in your desk for your rolling papers.

'Where did you get this anyway?’ Stiles asked before taking a bite.

'My cousin down town sells, gives me half off.’ you answered as you rolled your blunt.

Stiles hummed around the brownie.

'Good shit right?’ you said as you lit your masterpiece.

'Good ass brownie I’ll say that much.’

You didn’t respond in favor of taking a long drag, as you blew out the smoke you laid back down, Stiles did the same after he finished his weed brownie.

‘How long before it kicks in?’

‘Bout a half hour.’ you answered as you took your second drag.

‘Hey I may be new at this, but I know the rules, puff puff pass.’ he whined.

‘Like hell I am, you got the brownie I got the blunt.’ you scoffed jokingly.

‘So my first time smoking and you won’t let me smoke?’

‘Cry baby.’ you teased as you handed your blunt over.

*One Hour Later*

‘Fuck me this is good shit.’ you sighed from your side of the bed.

You and Stiles were both laid out on the bed, the weed had taken the mobility right the fuck outta you.

‘Dude, fuck Adderall, this helps me focus, keeps me still and relaxed. Not jumpy and afraid of an overdose.’ Stiles  said slowly.

‘Natures best medicine is illegal in most states, fucked up.’ you replied.

‘How much for those brownies? Every time Scott brings up Allison Imma take a bite, should be pretty fucked up by lunch.’ Stiles slurred.

‘Oh my God lunch sounds so fucking good right now.’ you sighed as you finally managed to sit up.

‘I just realized I’m starving, order some pizza we’ll dutch it.’ Stiles said.

‘Didn’t you spend forty bucks already today?’ you asked as you ordered your usual pizza online, you had done this so many times you could do it in your sleep.

‘Nah just twenty, just because Scott asked for money doesn’t mean I gave it to him, besides I’m gonna need to keep more cash for my new weed habit.’ Stiles said as he sat up.

You two just stared at each other in a weed daze for a minute or so.

‘You know, I don’t see what about Allison drives Scott so crazy, sure she’s cute but not my type you know.’ Stiles said.

‘Yeah, she’s not my type either.’ you laughed.

‘You’re my type.’ 

‘What?’ you asked as you looked at your friend.

‘You’re way cooler than Allison and me and Scott have known you since the sandbox, If I were Scott I’d be all over you.’ Stiles replied.

‘But I’m not his type I think, plus he sure ain’t mine, that damn jaw of his would drive me nuts.’ you teased as you laid back down.

‘What about me, am I your type?’ he asked.

‘Let me see. your hilarious, fucking adorable, excellent movie taste, great build, a genius and now you light up…yeah your my type.’ you smiled as you moved closer to him.

‘So why aren’t we dating?’ Stiles asked as he slowly moved his face closer to yours.

‘We must be on drugs.’ you whisper before you pull him into a slow kiss.

ahaha um,, wow
i haven’t done one of these in ages? i like making banners n such but sdafusd but ive been hesitant for ages to put another of these out there;; i feel like yall deserve one though because heckle its been a while n a lot of shits gone down

i’m gonna preface this with; i know im not the coolest or the best person, but for the people who stuck around and helped me realize i had to change; thank you. i’m sorry it took so long, but i’m ok now, and i have you guys to thank for it. through thick and thin, i’ve had people i barely know support me, and help me through all my silly problems. i just,, cant thank yall enough for the second chance, and for all the love and support.
anyway before i get extra sappy; here’s some people you should definitely follow if you’re not already !!

Keep reading

That moment when you want to go feed the cat your cat-sitting and the neighbors starts screaming at you over the fence that they will call the police.

… Guys. It’s the middle of the day, I have a key in my hand and a bowl with food for the cat in my other hand.

What exactly makes you think I’m breaking and entering here, pray tell?

They should have done it, I would have loved to see that officer’s face when he realized why he got called here - because someone was feeding a cat.

Oh my god, the scandal. The illegality. The nerve of me. How dare I feed this fluffy animal that’s meowing at me.

“namjoon wrote the lyrics to dimple”

JIN: *erupts into squeaky, loud, window cleaner laughter* OH MY GOD HE ACTUALLY USED MY PUN HAHAHA 

JIN: *slaps JK’s back repeatedly while laughing*  yaaahhh I should get credit for this masterpiece, shouldn’t I?

JK: I’m pretty sure ARMY already know it’s your influence, hyung– OW stop hitting me! *slaps Jin’s back in retaliation*