my god you should be illegal

  • other reality cooking shows: TEN ASSHOLES in a room, all of them PUMPED UP on CRYSTAL METH and THIRSTY for HUMAN BLOOD. we’re gonna SYSTEMATICALLY DESTROY their self-esteem until one of them LOSES IT, throws HOT FAT in another one’s FACE and DISFIGURES THEM FOR LIFE. you are GUARANTEED to DIE of second hand anxiety
  • me: *yawns* that was ok i guess. a nice relaxing watch before bed
  • the great british bake off: we are going to find the twelve most adorable people in the uk and politely request them to whip up some of britain’s favourite sweet treats. they will talk in soft voices, make self-deprecating jokes, and emotionally support one another. an elderly lady and her middle-class henchman are going to sample their bakes and offer gentle feedback.
  • me: oh my GOD are you trying to KILL me I CAN’T HANDLE THIS my HEART’s exploding this should be ILLEGAL @bbc TONE IT THE FUCK DOWN
Wonho Smile Appreciation

(credit goes to the people who own these gifs and pictures)

can we all just take a hot second to appreciate Wonho’s smile. okok.

it is literally my favourite thing about him

like, damn boiii you shine so damn bright

it’s quite spectacular, isn’t it?

just look at him. are you seeing this?!!?

i’m honestly suing because he should be illegal.

god, i feel blessed.

what did this cruel world do to deserve such a thing…

so cute but sexy at the same time T-T

alright i’m out. i’m done. i’m deceased.

i’m certain this boy enjoys watching us suffer so..

adios amigos.


if you have any requests for other appreciation posts or you have ideas for fanfics/smuts, then my requests are open <3

BTS as things my father has said:
  • Namjoon: this may be the third day in a row we've gotten chilli's for dinner but i don't hear any of you complaining
  • Seokjin: *someone calls his daughter pretty* thanks. oh you meant her?
  • Hoseok: *laughing hysterically at viral cat videos from 2010*
  • Yoongi: *teaches own children how to illegally download music*
  • Taehyung: guys. oh my god. there's a frog in the garage.
  • Jimin: do not make me dance mediocre ballet in the middle of this JC Penney i WILL do it
  • Jungkook: *almost bursts a blood vessel trying to carry 12 bags of groceries in one trip*
2

Love in Bloom Fanfic Scene commission for @thattachibooty

Oh my god. How are they this cute and Makoto in a Hello Kitty apron should be illegal at one point.(/。\) Yeah, Haru. Go touch that arm like nbd.

50%  Off  {Sentence Starters}
{ contains nsfw & triggers }

  • “They’re my ostriches!“
  • “Oh my god, he’s got a gun!”
  • “We’re not going to kill anyone.”
  • “WHAT is WRoNG wITh YoU?”
  • “That doesn’t sound fun at all…”
  • “Ooooh, that’s probably not good.”
  • “I wasn’t thinking about killing you.”
  • “SSSHH! I smell boys being gay…”  
  • “Aw, it should be illegal to be that fine!”
  • “Awesome! Wait, what just happened?”
  • “How’s your repressed love life doing?”
  • “How much of that stuff did you have?!”
  • “You know what I’m sick of?! All your shit!”
  • “Yeah it’s probably too cold. We’ll get sick.”
  • “I’m not going out there without a parachute!”
  • “Okay I’m gonna break in! Don’t be naked.”
  • “I like him in those positions… of leadership.”
  • “If you get scared, you can squeeze my hand.”
  • “They hate each other, but they also fuck each other!”
  • “Man. This place sure brings back memories for me.”
  • “I assure you all that I will not embarrass myself like last time.”
  • “I always thought swimming was kinda like doing somebody.”
  • “Okay I’m coming in. Also you’re gonna need a new backdoor.”
  • “Why’s he touching my man? Where’s he going with my man!?”
  • “Come on, let me get them digits, baby! Let’s make this a thang!”
  • Psychic: *reads mind*
  • My mind: Hey run-buns~ TEAM MOM! Shinji was a bitch ass poser! Ay yo! Homeboy looks like sharkweek, I ain't mess'n with that. I'm naked? I hate it when you leave, but I love watch'n you go~ Swim team noth'n I want that boy to be my bride! Oh my god, look at him run! Oh, it should be illegal to be that fine~ Bitch you goin' to be mine~ BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCK'N EVERYWHERE!
  • Psychic: WTF?
6

Barry: C'mon Barry, your best friend flirts with anything that moves. He probably did that just to mess with you… Oh, God, did he see me looking at him like that?
Hal: He was totally looking at me, right? He was smiling, right? I just caught a glimpse but–holy shit, that face should’ve been illegal!

idk this was funnier in my head

  • Izuku: *breathes*
  • Katsuki: fucking amazing. hella fine. this should be illegal dammit. who the fuck do you think you fucking are? a god among shitty ass mortals istg.

I’m so rusty, but I just needed to get something out, and after reading some amazing Illegal Allies, I just wanted to try my hand at it.




“And why should I work for you, huh? What makes you better than any of the other gangs running heists, killing people?” Ian’s teeth were almost bared against their lipstick (a bright enough red that Ben had wondered aloud, briefly, if it was supposed to look like blood against their teeth. Everyone collectively agreed that it was probably the aesthetic they were going for.)

Jones raised a brow coolly. “Because I know your reputation, Hinck. You may look bloodthirsty, and you’re one hell of a grifter, but you’re no killer.”

Ian snorted. “And what, you guys don’t kill people? What is this, Batman? You planning on dying out there?”

 “We don’t kill people needlessly,” Jones stressed. “And we don’t take hit contracts. We only take down people we have to.”

 “Oh God, you’re one of those people.” Ian was clearly unimpressed, their face screwed up in a mocking smile. “Oh, we only take down the people we have to. That makes us better people blah blah blah. A killer’s a killer, Jonesie. And I’m going to ask again: what makes you any different?”

 Surprisingly, it’s Kyle who answers. “Jack McMillan. Know him?”

 The air in the room seemed almost to get a little colder. “He’s dead. What does it matter?”

 “I know,” Kyle said. “We did it.”

 There is silence as Ian considers. Ben considers too, wonders why this is the trump card Kyle decided to pull.

 “Why? What did he do to get in your way?” Ian’s hands are shaking, just slightly, and they are not quite meeting Kyle’s eyes. Ben hopes they don’t have this many tells when they are actually grifting.

 “Not a job,” Jones says. “We know what he did. What he was still doing. So we took him down.”

 Huber chimes in, breaking the tense silence that was forming, his voice solemn. “We live by a strict code.”

 The noise Brad makes in response is half a choke and half a snort. “Fuck that, no we don’t.” He moves over, sits down in front of Ian. His chair tips back jauntily. “We’ve been winging it since day one. Some days we’re better at winging it than others.”

 Surprisingly, Brad’s words seem to mean the most to Ian. The look on their face is almost savage now, and Ben can’t help but be impressed when that’s the moment they say “I’m in.”

Old Flame

MariChat Week Day 7: Adrien Posters

~

“One more.”

“Chat, no, stop!” Marinette begged from her chaise lounge, but Chat Noir had already studied the poster and moved into position. In a perfect imitation of Adrien Agreste, he struck a model pose and gazed thoughtfully into the distance. Marinette groaned. “Oh my God. It should be illegal for you to be so good at this.” She buried her face in her hands.

Chat set the poster down and ran a hand through his hair. “Why? You don’t think I’m handsome enough to be a model?”

“Of course you are. You just shouldn’t be so good at mimicking the guy I was crazy about two years ago.” Marinette retrieved the poster, stacked it with the others Chat had unearthed from her desk drawer, and returned them to her inspiration binder. When she looked up at Chat again, she found him staring at her. “What?”

“You were crazy about him?” he asked.

Marinette blushed and hunched her shoulders self-consciously. “Yeah. I sat behind him in class. Spent all my time daydreaming about him. But whenever I tried to talk to him all that came out was ‘Good Adrien, morning! I mean Adrien, morning good! Morning is good!’”

Chat sat down beside her and leaned forward with his elbows on his thighs. Marinette slid over and rested her chin on his shoulder. “It’s funny,” she said, “I almost didn’t like him because of a silly misunderstanding. Then when I saw how kind he was…” She sighed. “My heart didn’t stand a chance.” His silence became noticeable. She poked his side. “What? Don’t tell me you’re jealous, chaton. He’s just a friend.”

Chat lifted his head to meet her gaze. She wore a playful pout, but her eyes searched his for traces of injury. He turned, cupped her face in his hands and let several unsaid things pass between them before he lowered his lips to hers in a slow, burning kiss. “He was stupid not to love you,” Chat murmured as she pulled him down on top of her, knocking binder and posters to the floor.

7

CAN WE ALL JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO APPRECIATE ALL THE LADYNOIR AND ADRIENETTE MOMENTS? THANK YOU HAWK DADDY

But seriously was I the only one squealing at how much more they seem to value each other? No matter the form. Even when Chat was somewhat incapacitated Ladybug listened to his input and valued his contributions. And when Marinette helped Juleka get the pictures he immediately praised her for her compassion and stood beside her. Help me these cutie patooties will be the death of me!!

Reasons my ovaries keep getting maliciously butchered:

●Thighs that wont quit (and makes you wanna wear him like a pair of sunglasses)
●Jawline that could cut through glass
●Hands. Just… hands.
●Toothy smiles “Can i please lick you?
●"Oh, my god. You adorable fucking dork!”
●Lipbiting. -> swoon, thud.
●Eyefucking… this shit should be illegal.
●"The shirt is off, I can’t breathe, the shirt is off. I hate you"

Originally posted by nou-ran

godstrigger  asked:

???

Oh, dear.

How do you approach someone so interesting? How do you not look like a desperate schoolgirl when you try to talk to him?  
He just has so much to say and he’s seen so much and he knows a lot about things I couldn’t even dream of!
God, this is ridiculous…

Does he realize how easily he draws people in when he talks? Like, we could do just that, talk all day, and I would have the best time of my life.
Man, he’s just…that.
Awesome.
And attractive. Stupidly, should-be-illegal attractive.
But most importantly, awesome.

Prompt #7 - Revealed Desire

Anon: Claire left Owen a message (drunk confession) last night. It wasn’t until the next morning that Owen decides to check his messages & Claire surprisingly pays him a visit in his bungalow trying to distract him from ever hearing it. 

I don’t understand how this got so long, but, anyway …

‘You’ve crawled under my skin, caused an itch I can’t quite scratch. I think I need you, Owen … at first, I didn’t even like you! You wore board shorts to a date, that - that’s unforgivable, Owen, you know it - it should be illegal. But, god damn, I can’t get you out of my head.’

*

Claire groaned into her pillow, headache pounding in her temporal lobe, serving as a reminder for bad judgement and alcohol consumption way over the respectable limit.

Her phone buzzed under the pillow, Claire blindly grasped for it, her hands gliding against the linen until she bumped the small device. 6:30am, blared back at her obnoxiously along with a text from Zara.

Claire stared at her phone, ’Did you hear from board shorts?’ The message was time stamped just after 1:00am. She squinted at the device, the screen brightness burning into her retina as he head continued to pound. Her mouth was dry, her tongue cotton, the taste of vodka faintly clinging to her fuzzy teeth.

She buried her head back into her pillow, eyes squeezed shut. Claire chose to ignore Zara’s ambiguous message, compelled as to what the hell her assistant had meant. Her conscious was pulling away, tugging at the ends of her hair like daring sirens trying to pull her into the depths enticing her with warm dreams. Something in her head clicked into place, board shorts, Owen, the night before. She and Zara were celebrating the woman’s engagement, pouring glass of wine after glass of wine until they ran out and had to scour her cupboards for anything stronger. Zara had dialled his number.

Keep reading

Substitute Teacher (Nate Maloley) Pt 3

I’m standing at my open locker the next day, just staring aimlessly into it. I really don’t feel like going to Mr. Maloley’s class and of course, the obvious reason is because he kissed me. He kissed me.

“What the hell are you doing,” Abby shouts. I jump and glare at her for a straight minute.

“What?” She questions.

“You scared the shit out of me, I nearly shit bricks,” I yell back at her.”

“Ohhhh, oops,” she laughs.

I start to slowly walk towards my sixth period. I still haven’t told Abby about what happened yesterday. I still don’t even know if I should. What we did was basically illegal. No, it was illegal. I get to Mr. Maloley’s class.

“Eyes open, legs closed,” scolded Abby as she walked away. God, I hope so, I thought to myself. I was left alone, outside his class, refusing to enter. After I heard the bell ring, I rush in. I sit in my normal seat and wait for Mr. Maloley to finish whatever he’s writing on the board. He moves from the board to his desk, opening a notebook. As I read the heading on the board, I write it down in my notes. It read,”Catherine and Heathcliff”. Mr. Maloley takes one last glance at his notes and steps in front of the class to being his lesson.

“Catherine and Heathcliff’s love exists on a higher spiritual plane; they’re soulmates. Two people who have an affinity for each other, which draws them together irresistibly,” he glances at me before continuing. “Heathcliff repeated calls Catherine his ‘soul’. Between his obsession with Catherine and her choosing Edgar over him, they represent  ‘two halves of a single soul - forever sundered and struggling to unite’, as described by C. Day Lewis.” He directs his attention towards me and I freeze still, not moving an inch. Three minutes of one-on-one eye contact until a girl in the front waves her hand in front of Mr. Maloley’s face.

“So, Um… you’re telling us this because… ?” He snaps out of his trance and I quickly look down at my notes.

“Um, yes! This is what you’re assignment will be about.” He explains the assignment to us as everyone groans, except me. The bell rings and Mr. Maloley dismisses class. And of course, I hear a wild Nate Maloley call my name. I groan and turn around sharply.

“What do you want, Maloley” I shoot, making it obvious that I’m annoyed with him.

“Hey, what’s with the attitude, babygirl?” He smirks, looking up and down at me. I snap,

“Don’t ‘babygirl’ me. Look, I don’t know why you kissed me yesterday or why someone like you would even think about making a move on my, let alone kissing me. I was an idiot to think that you’d actually be interested in me. I mean, you kissed me. That’s fucking illegal. Did you ever think about what would happen to me, to you if we ever got caught. And now you go telling us this speech and soulmates and basically telling it to me and I just can’t believe you! This isn’t ri-” I’m suddenly interrupted again by the kiss that started this whole situation, though this time, with more passion. 

Mr. Maloley starts to kiss me roughly, his hands roaming through my body freely. I tangle my fingers in his hair, pulling him towards me. I remove one hand from Nate’s hair, putting it in back of me to balance myself on the desk behind us. Nate pushes me up and I hop onto it. He pushes my legs out, wide enough so he could cradle himself in between them. He grabs my thigh and squeezes it tighly. He starts kissing down my neck. I place my hands on his shoulders, a small moan escaping my mouth. I could feel him smiling against my neck.

“Oooh, you like that dontcha, baby.” He coos into my ear. I nod slightly, just focusing on enjoying the moment. His hands move to my clothed heat. My cheeks are burning hot red by this point. I felt him start to unbutton my jeans but i stopped him on before he pulled down the zipper.

“I don’t think I’m ready for this, Nate.” I say, nervously.

“Oh, I’m not going to do that just yet. I’m just helping you ger ready,” he says with a develish smirk. I sit with a puzzled look on my face but I begin to realize what he is getting at. By the time I process what he was gong to do, my zipper was down and my pants were to my knees. I shuffle uncomfortably and awkwardly.

“Chill out, Y/N. Trust me, you’ll like it.” Nate winks at me before starting. He starts rubbing me through my panties softly at first, then speeding up. He rubs in small circles, going faster every few moments. I moan softly, pressure building up inside me. He stops and moves my panties to the side, his finger centimeters away from my clit.

“You ready, Y/N.” He asks. I nod quickly, bracing myself. I feel two fingers slide inside me and I internally scream. Nate notices and he covers my mouth with his free hand. He begins to thrust his fingers in and out, going deeper with each pump. The deeper he went, the louder I went. I feel a pit in my stomach, knowing I’m close.

“Nate, mm. I’m cl-” I stutter.

“I know, I know,” he cuts me off. He pulled his fingers out then back in, going faster and harder than ever. I screamed as loud as I could, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I released into his hand, relief spreading through my body. Nate covers my mouth and looks at me, scolding me with his eyes. All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door.I quickly roll over the desk, falling off hitting myself on the side of the desk. I flinch, feeling the blood on my knee drip down.



hey, yo. sorry, cliffhanger :/. sorry it took so long to upload pt 3. i write this story myself, it’s the only one i write myself on here and i have to edit for myself. its starting to get smutty sooo what out ;). anyway hope yall like it. -leslee

An open letter to Ashley Devine,

TAYLOR SWIFT IS A FUCKING HUMAN BEING. She isn’t perfect. She isn’t some pure light that shits rainbows and unicorns. She lives her life as best as she can and deals with assholes daily. When ‘FANS’ write open letters starting their disappointment in Taylor who is dealing with situations we know VERY LITTLE ABOUT it makes me want to smack them right back into their mom’s womb bc clearly they need to rethink their life choices.

I have NEVER been so embarrassed by this fandom in my life. ASHLEY DEVINE maybe get off the internet and stop holding a person up to such high standards that when she ends a relationship and isn’t devastated you find that problematic and GOD FUCKING FORBID she moves on. What is the grieving period for a relationship ending?!? Should she have sulked around for 2 years and released RED 2.0 before you APPROVED of her dating again?!?


Kanye West illegally recorded a PRIVATE conversation and then his trash wife leaked it out of context. Taylor never lied to us. Her statement didn’t change after the call leaked. Kanye, his trash wife, the media and fans like you owe HER an apology for being complete assholes who feel they are OWED anything by Taylor. She owes you jack shit.


I hope you get you head out of your ass - Mac

The whole Ke$ha thing

Do you know why this whole sistuation makes me angry? well, lemme explain.


this all goes against her basic human rights:


  • No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms. “ 

OR SERVITUDE. She is literally being forced to work with the man who raped her. It’s god-damn illegal and violating her rights as a human. 
Also, there are all those people arguing ‘what if she’s falsely accusing him’, or ‘if it’s true why didn’t she say something back then?”

well my friend, do you know the statistics of rape? very few victims come for because rape is about humiliation and power; and barely half of accused rapist accualy get put away.

Adding onto this, the question of whether she raped him or not should not  matter. She is being held in servitude to that company, violating her basic rights as a human.

kesha is a human, so why won’t they treat her like one