my god i just want to live in these places

How You Interact: Dark-Side Friends

Since you guys liked my last “How you interact” post, I feel like I should make another. I wanted to do one for Antisepticeye and Darkiplier since I very rarely see posts for these awesome characters. 
These head-canons are what I think Dark and Anti would be like as a friend. 
Hope you guys enjoy!!

Originally posted by boopymooplier

Anti: 

  • My God, you’ll never live peacefully again! Not that it’s a bad thing, but Anti loves to mess with you. 
  • Small pranks that involve misplaced objects. Bookmarks placed three pages back. Occasionally he’ll make your phone screen all static-y just because you’re ignoring him. 
  • He likes making your mornings just that little more crazy
    Late for work? It appears your car-keys have disappeared
    Rough night out? He’ll be nice and make you a coffee, with two spoonfuls of salt to make sure you get your sodium intake today. 
  • Anti finds your panicked/angry rants amusing. 
  • But you get him back. He doesn’t like being called by cute nicknames. 
  • “Aww, Green-Bean, don’t be so mean. I’m only trying to help” 
    “I will destroy everything you love, (Y/N)”
  • Anti likes to be the center of attention. If you’re working or studying, Anti will try his best to distract you.
    At first, it’ll be small things. Like calling out your name in a whiny, jittering voice, balls of paper being thrown at you. Sometimes he’ll mess with your sense of perception so you have to acknowledge him to tell him off.
  • You simply try to ignore him. It became a game between the two of you to see how long you can last. 
  • The record was ten minutes; but you had to stop since Anti started messing with your electronics. Flickering the lights and making you see double of everything and a loud buzzing sound almost burst your ear-drums. 
  • It gave you a migraine for the rest of the day.
  • Although Anti isn’t the affectionate type; he does small things that brighten your day. 
  • A single flower will appear on your desk. 
  • A batch of cookies with milk. 
  • Even little notes around the house in green writing.
  • When you ask him about it, he just shrugs. 
  • “Maybe a little ghost is playing tricks on you”
  • He’ll try to distract you with video games. You absolutely refuse to let him win at Mario Cart because you don’t want to see his cocky grin. 
  • Competitions between you are dangerous.
  • Lamps are smashed and the walls shake from you two yelling at each other. It’s surprisingly relaxing to come home and yell at something.
  • On really bad days, Anti will appear and disappear on your computer screen. Flashing a smile and making weird faces at you until you give up and allow yourself to laugh. 
  • “Anti, your blocking the screen” 
  • “P-Play with me, (Y/N). I’m bor-r-ed” 
  • On rainy days, when your marathoning a series, Anti will be in the background of the show; waving or dancing ridiculously. 
  • At serious scenes; he can usually be seen making outrageous faces at the actors. You can’t help but laugh,
  • Although you try to hate him, you can’t help but adore Anti. It’s a tiring and irritating friendship but you wouldn’t want anything to be different between the two of you.  

Originally posted by bekadmfb

Darkiplier: 

  • I hope you like a friendship with a lot of flirting. Even though you two aren’t sexual towards each other, it doesn’t stop Dark from winking and speaking seductively towards you.
  • This makes people mistake you two as a couple. You don’t really complain, but sometimes Dark makes it difficult to make new friends. 
  • “You don’t need them, (Y/N). I’m all you need”
    “That would be true, if you could hold a decent conversation that wasn’t always about you” 
  • Dark likes to insult you. But you can see the hint of a smile whenever he says something. 
  • You throw it back at him with as much sarcasm as you can muster. He likes your sass. It challenges him to be on his game when he’s around you. 
  • You’ve witnessed his outbursts personally. But even though Dark has said some violent, horrible things about Mark; Dark is rather placid when you’re around him. 
  • He’s been pushed back and ignored for long periods of time, he likes to be around someone who acknowledges him. He doesn’t want his anger to frighten you away, but sometimes you do get caught in these outbursts. 
  • You wait patiently until he’s calmed down. Then make a little comment on the way his head jerks around. 
  • “So, do you get whiplash? Or are you like an owl under that suit?” 
    “Ask nicely and I’ll show you.”
  • Although he wouldn’t apologize, he is grateful you don’t ask about his behavior. Saves him from having to explain himself to a incompetent fool. ;) 
  • He also likes to play games. Sometimes you don’t even realise you’re part of one until you find yourself in another dimension because you took a wrong turn. 
  • “Tsk, tsk. You should have taken a left, (Y/N). Now you have to try and escape the Third Circle of Hell to return to the bathroom.”
    “If you don’t send me back right now, I’ll show you all Nine Circles of Hell!” 
  • He’s rather affectionate towards you. He’ll give your hand a squeeze as he passes.
    If you’re feeling uncomfortable in a public place, Dark will come up behind you and place his hand on the small of your back.
  • But previous mistakes have taught you that this attention has a price. 
  • He’d never ask anything big of you. Usually he’ll ask you to drive him somewhere, or accompany him to a certain location. Sometimes you “treat” him to dinner on Tuesdays.
  • But you are still very careful of what you ask of Dark. He remembers even the smallest favors. 
  • There are times, however, where he does nice things out of nowhere. 
  • You had a bad day during a work-week and you crumpled under the pressure. Dark found you in a sobbing heap on your bed and sat beside you. His hand gripped your own and he consoled you through the tears. 
  • Once your tears were dried up, he ran you a bath and almost drowned you in rose scented bubbles. 
  • It had been a shock to you. But a nice shock.
  • In the middle of the night, while you’re walking through the house to get a glass of water. You sometimes find a glass of cool water waiting for you in the hallway. 
  • You mumble a thanks to the shadows and stumble back to bed. 
  • Sometimes you feel the blankets pull up under your chin on cold nights. 
  • Other times, Dark will wake you in the early hours of the morning because he was lacking intelligent conversation.
  • Dark also likes to give you nicknames. 
  • They’re small and almost demeaning, but you don’t really mind. It’s better than fool or imbecile. (A name a certain family member is called frequently)
  • “Kitten, have you seen my tie?”
    “You’re wearing it, Dark. Are you blind as well as emotionless?” 
  • It’s a weird friendship. One people would first look at and question. But the two of you have many fond memories and the laughter you two share are contagious. It’ll be hard to tear the two of you apart. 


I hope you guys enjoyed this!

May 28

When God has you and holds you, He wants all of you. Every piece. Your heart, your mind, your muscles. Nothing else has a place. Your past has no place here! Your labels have no place here! Your insecurities have no place here! Your identity is in the One who is jealous for you and wants to be your everything, especially because He knows He is the only one who can bring purpose to those parts you give to Him. All that other stuff? Just weighs you down. Doesn’t give you any life. He is everything.

I don’t know how to love anymore. My insides are rotting and my guts are bleeding in my throat. My whole life I’ve looked for love in all the wrong places; within his warm brown eyes, along the edges of her spine, in mediocre kisses at late night parties, with all the wrong hands mapping foreign paths up my thighs; leaving traces of beer and bruises behind. I’m tired; but I feel like ‘tired’ is merely an understatement for the amalgamation of sadness and exhaustion that my heart seems to be pumping through my veins in place of blood these days. Everyone just wants a pretty face and a good fuck and god, please tell me, is that really what love is all about? Sometimes, I wish our eyes saw souls instead of bodies, and maybe that might be possible in another life, on some other planet. But for now, I have to live with the knowledge that all the boys who drunk dial me, proclaiming their love in loud, incoherent slurs, only want to kiss my neck, call me pretty and then try their luck at whatever might happen afterwards, in the dimly lit corner of my room at 3 in the morning.
—  i’m tired of loving all the wrong people
6

Although he lives in the fashion district, Hugo spends most of his free time over in the arts quarter, since there are plenty of places for his murals to go.

Tons of random people come over to annoy him and then one not-so-random person passed by  during her morning coffee run to “help”.

Can't Help Myself ~ Grayson

- not requested, but I had this in my head and I thought I’d write it down :)

Y/n had just moved to LA from Florida about a year ago and it was taking some time getting use to the people and the lifestyle here. It was extravagant, which was the life y/n always wanted to live since she was an aspiring actress, but it was just different from what she grew up with.

One day y/n went to Starbucks just to see what all the hype was about. Y/n didn’t really drink coffee, but she was thirsty/hungry and a caramel frappuccino sounded delicious at the moment. She got in line, ordered, and eventually walked out the door to go back home until she suddenly collided with someone and spilt coffee all over the place. She was too busy looking at her phone.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry. I’m such a clutz,” she sighed. I guess she wasn’t going to find out just how good Starbucks coffee supposedly was. “It’s okay, it was my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going,” the stranger laughed. But y/n recognized that voice anywhere. She looked up so fast that she almost got whiplash and surprise surprise, It was none other than The Grayson Dolan himself, smiling down at her. Y/n loved the Dolan Twins to say the least and she knew they lived in the area, but she never in a million years thought she’d meet them, and not like this.

“No, I-its my fault. I was looking down at my phone,” y/n said shyly. Grayson continued to smile at her and y/n just blushed like crazy. Ethan was behind Gray just giggling to himself with a knowing look on his face. Ethan could see their eyes sparkle as they looked at each other. “Well, once you guys are done staring into each other’s souls, I’ll be inside,” said Ethan. It was Grayson’s cheeks that tinted pink this time. But that wasn’t the last time they would see each other.

Fast foward a couple weeks, and y/n and the twins ran into each other, this time not literally, at the park. Y/n just wanted some fresh air and the twins just happened to be there at the same time. They started talking, got each others numbers and became really good friends from there. And they did everything together. Grayson and Ethan even showed y/n their hideout spots and took her on all their adventures.

However, as time went on, Grayson’s feelings for y/n grew stronger. He just couldn’t help himself. It was the way y/n eyes sparkled when she talked about something she loved and her smile was just so warm and bright. Grayson couldn’t resist. But y/n seemed to get along with Ethan a lot more than him. It was because Grayson was so shy and y/n made him so nervous. Grayson was quiet and didn’t talk much when she was around, afraid of saying the wrong thing and looking stupid in front of her. Ethan was always better with girls than he was.

One day, Ethan inviting y/n over to their apartment just to hang out. As usual, Grayson was excited, but he got so many butterflies in his stomach with just the thought of her it made him sick to his stomach. When y/n got there, Ethan was in the living room watching tv and Gray was in his room preparing a conversation in his head, hoping he would say the right thing and not look like an idiot.

“Is this what y'all have been doing all day?” Y/n asked. “Yeah, why?” Ethan asked back. “You know what we should do…bake a cake!” Y/n cheered. Grayson came out and said “Yea, why not? It’ll be fun.” “Yessss!” Y/n smiled. Luckily, they had all the ingredients they needed so they didn’t have to go back out to the store.

Baking the cake was taking longer than it should’ve since Ethan and y/n couldn’t stop playing around. They were throwing flour at each other and making a huge mess, so of course, as usual, Gray felt left out. “Why do they always have so much fun with each other? I bet she likes him more than me,” Grayson thought. He felt like an idiot, all the girls seemed to love Ethan more than him. Y/n knew something was wrong with Grayson as he had a depressed look on his face. He wasn’t very good at hiding how he was feeling most of the time. He was always like that, you could just see it in his eyes, face, or his body language.

“What’s wrong Gray?” Y/n asked. “Nothing, I just need some fresh air,” he said. And with that, Grayson stormed out of the apartment to get some “fresh air.” Really, it was so he could have time to think. Was y/n really worth loving if she loved Ethan instead? Did Grayson even love y/n to begin with?

"What’s the matter with him,” y/n asked Ethan. “I don’t know,” Ethan sighed. But deep down Ethan knew exactly what was the matter. He knew Gray liked y/n a lot, and he felt terrible that he was always spending so much time with her. “Well, I’m gonna go see what’s wrong,” y/n stated and was out the door in no time. And honestly, from the first day they all met, y/n really like Grayson too. It was love at first sight for her, and as cliche as that sounds, it was true.

When y/n got outside, she saw Grayson sitting on the bench out front of their apartment building. His face was in his hands so he didn’t know she was there until she spoke. “Grayson? What’s wrong?” She questioned. “Nothing just go away,” he replied. “No, not until you tell me what’s wrong.” “I can’t tell you y/n okay? I just can’t! So go away!” Grayson raised his voice. He’s never yelled at y/n before and y/n was confused and even hurt. “Well, god you don’t have to yell at me!” y/n yelled back.

She turned around to go back inside, but the feeling of Grayson’s hand on her wrist stopped her from moving and she turned to him. He had tear stains on his beautifully sculpted face, something he never would let anyone see before now. Y/n’s heart shattered in that moment. Why was he crying? “I’m sorry y/n, I-I-just, I can’t-I just can’t tell you,” he cried. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I won’t judge you,” y/n said. She was trying to pry it out of him because she really did care out him and she really wanted to know. “Well…okay. I guess it’s now or never. Y/n, I like you. Like really really like you like you. And I didn’t want to say anything cause I knew it would ruin our friendship and, and I thought that you had a thing for Ethan so I just kept my mouth shut but on the inside I was dying and-,” y/n then did what she never thought she’d be able to do. She grabbed his face and kissed him. Grayson’s eyes went wide but soon shut once he realized what was happening. Y/n really really liked him too. And he couldn’t be any happier than how he was in this moment. They stopped kissing and looked into each other’s souls like the first time they met. Sparks were flying and they didn’t give a damn who was around. But Ethan was there the whole time and saw everything. “It’s about time you told her. The sexual tension was starting to get unbearable. Every time you guys were around each other it’s like this weird lovey-dovey feeling in the air. Yuck!” Ethan said. Gray and y/n laughed and just smiled at each other. But to be completely honest, it was the most beautiful thing Ethan has ever seen. “Why don’t you guys go out to dinner and a movie tonight. I’ll stay here and clean up the kitchen,” Ethan suggested. And so they left and they both had a great time, doing what couples do. They were so in love and nothing could have taken that away from them.

Oh my god that was probably the worst thing you guys will ever read in your life? This was my first time writing fanfiction so pls be patient with me. But send in some requests, I’d love to make more!! ❤️❤️❤️

now i’m drunk again;;

how rude of me to bring my thoughts into your bedroom
is it condescending to be so scared i might hurt you

(a deetress mix)

song for a guilty sadist - crywank

  • i slap your face too lightly when you ask me to make fists. // kiss me softly do not bite, we can explore like naughty kids. // you say you’re bored, want dominating, and i just stare and flinch. 

what ever happened? - the strokes

  • i want to be beside her, // she want to be admired. // you say “please don’t make this harder.” // no, i won’t yet. 

jonathan - fiona apple

  • kiss me while i calculate // and calibrate and heaven’s sake // don’t make me explain 

mezzanine - massive attack

  • i’m a little curious of you in crowded scenes // and how serene your friends and fiends // we flew and strolled as two eliminated gently // why don’t you close your eyes and reinvent me 

naomi - neutral milk hotel

  • your prettiness is seeping through // out from the dress i took from you, so pretty // and my emptiness is swollen shut // always a wretch i have become

the less i know the better - tame impala

  • oh my love, can’t you see yourself by my side // no surprise when you’re on his shoulder like every night 

mistaken for strangers - the national 

  • but you do everything that they ask you to // ‘cause you don’t mind seeing yourself in a picture // as long as you look faraway, as long as you look removed 

drunk again - reel big fish 

  • cause now i’m drunk again // the means to my end // and i’m scared of myself // cause now it’s the same the faces and names // and i’m scared of myself again 

i’ll kill her - soko

  • she’s a bitch you know, all she’s got is blondness // not even tenderness, yeah, she’s clever less 

I’m gonna try not to say a lot because I don’t want to put this stuff fully out there, but…

Swear to god, living with Donald’s mom is driving my blood pressure through the roof (and keeping it high pretty much constantly). Don’t ask us for help (financial) and then pretty much do the opposite of what we say we need to do (aka, spend money impulsively).

I’m just ready for the two of us to have our own place again.

anonymous asked:

Legit just wantin' Dark to slap the ever living shit outta me rn and gag me with his tie. That one part of the video where he's like "We can...Get to know each other" WHooOOO bOI also "I'll take you anywhere you want to go. Especially the places you don't want to go." my GOD. -Goody

that darkiplier had such a sexual vibe i cannot lie

ok so day two of multiple hour cry sessions but I think I’m on a path to emotional healing and that this is productive

I keep being like I wanna convert and what I really mean by that is that I want to develop a practice of everyday living that places me solidly in contact with good works in the world and prayer and gratitude to god and community and love with the people I care about . and I still want to convert but I can’t expect all that stuff to come just from reading . that stuff also has a prerequisite condition of me being willing to take a hard look at my life and behavior and change it so I’m not emotionally separated from everything and everyone I care about . I need to be closer to almost everyone and I need to touch and love the world around me because that is the most effective prayer

sometimes u gotta have a moment of clarity and realize you are terribly lonely and dissociated and not practicing the kind of love and friendship you want to practice and take a step back and get!right!with!the lord!

sometimes that means crying all day but u know what that’s cool

We asked YA authors at the Hay Festival to give some advice to their teenage selves:

Nicola Yoon

“I’d tell my teenage self: angst is good for you.

So much of my teenage life was spent fighting against uncertainty. So many things confused me. Was there a meaning to life? Was there a God? Was the journey more important than the destination? On a more personal level, I wasn’t sure who I was or what I wanted to be. I wasn’t sure of the world and my place in it. These types of questions really plagued me. I thought that if someone could just tell me the answers, then I would know exactly how to live my life. My life would be mapped out and perfect and I’d be happy.

In college, I adopted many different philosophies — Mathematics and Ayn Rand-ian ‘objectivism,’ most disastrously — in my quest to be angst free. It’s only now that I’m older that I realize that it’s the questioning that’s the important thing. It’s only through constant curiosity that we get to know the world better and ourselves. In asking questions, we define the world for ourselves. From there, you can act on what matters most to you and build the life you want.

So that’s what I would tell my teenage self: angst is good for you. The answers don’t matter as much as the asking.”

First @snkminibang drawing for @quartetship‘s Jeanmarco fake dating fic. It’s cute as HECK and will make you fuzzy inside and you don’t want to miss out at all.

I drew them being soft and loving in the snow because that was my personal favorite and oh my god they’re so in love. PLEASE. I’VE LOVED DOING THIS.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

With his penultimate year of college on the horizon, Marco Bodt has a lot on his mind. Between finding a place to live and work long term, and finding a way to come out to his family once and for all, the end of summer has never been more stressful. In a moment of frustration, his life will get just a bit more complicated when Marco blurts out, “I have a boyfriend”, in response to his mother’s constant inquiries about his love life.

The problem? He doesn’t. Marco hasn’t dated anyone in almost two years. But that doesn’t stop him from giving his mother a name when she pushes him further - the name of his longtime best friend, Jean Kirschtein.

Now Marco has a single semester to convince his closest friend to join him and his relatives for the holidays, to pose as his boyfriend, and to keep his secret all the while. Shouldn’t be too difficult, right? They just have to keep all of their little white lies straight and sorted while keeping up a charade that will put their friendship to the test - and maybe teach both of them a few things about themselves, in the process.

Now’s probably a good time to ask:

Why the hell is the Alt-Right so obsessed with using Warhammer 40K imagery as the symbol for their ‘ideal’ future?

It’s not just this picture; I’d had to see photoshop after photoshop of Donald Trump propped up as the God-Emperor of Mankind. That’s lame enough as is, but … surely these alt-right lads know that Warhammer 40k’s universe is intentionally written as a shit place to live? Because all it is endless war and violence?

And “Technology progressed future my ass” (what a ‘fun’ description that is above) Literally one of the cornerstones of 40K’s canon is that actual scientific progress grinds to a halt and everything is just violence violence violence

I’m not even going to bother addressing the right half of this pic; I just wanted to vent about how creepy the Alt-right’s fixation with Warhammer is.

i knew if i loved you, i’d have to let you see it: the ugly. the wretched. the parts of me that paint sickness fingertips on everything lovely i’ve ever touched or wanted. the panic picnics, the saffron taste of fear, the hollow ring of sobs at four in the morning. the aching, constant. the selfishness, the manipulation, the terrible lies i wrapped myself in.

you asked why i never let you get close. i told you there are no guard rails here. i want you to enjoy your time with me without worrying about falling. i want you to think i’m a safe place to live. i don’t want to hand you this terrible baggage. i am all drop, all free fall. all empty nights and screaming.  

you held my hand. you said, “i like roller coasters for just that reason. all falling. all rush. all being safe in the end.” 

please don’t love me please don’t love me oh god i can’t stand it you have so much faith and i’m going to break it.

I don’t like questions without any answers. Like ‘Where do we go when we die?’ I mean, I know what happens physiologically speaking but beyond that, what really happens? Anything? That’s what you start asking yourself when you live on a clock. All these questions without any answers. It’ll drive you nuts. That’s why I like what I do. Fixing babies, birthing babies. No ambiguity, no questions. Just answers. Clear, precise, obvious answers. And life, beautiful new life. Hope for the future. God, I miss that.

I never placed much value on wondering about an after life. My concern was always this life. What would I do with it? How would I make my mark? I wanted to break new ground. I wanted to leave a legacy. I wanted my life, my brain, my existence to mean something. The thing I never really thought about though, the thing I never really wrapped my brain around until now was that in order to do that, in order to be remembered, in order to leave something significant behind, you have to leave.
—  Nicole Herman (Season11, Ep.13-Staring At the End)
Hoodies | Hoshi

Hoshi x Reader | Word count: 850

This isn’t great but I think it’s probably better than Into The Woods… Anyways oops I tried to make it cute but wow endings are hard! Enjoy, I’ll miss you all while I’m gone!

Originally posted by thegreatrosh

“My god this place is boring,” Seungkwan grumbled from the window seat of your living room. Somehow your “friends” had all managed to invite themselves over to your place for a change of city scenery on their day off. You had spent hours rearranging furniture just trying to make room for the pack of boys staying at your house. 

“No one asked you to come here, Kwannie” you retorted, rolling your eyes.

“But ______, we just wanted to see your cute face!” Mingyu cooed.

“But it’s getting late, all you kids should be heading to bed soon.”

“But Mommmmmmm! Can’t we stay uppppp?” Hoshi latched himself onto Jeonghan’s shoulders and swayed back and forth. You suppressed a giggle, doing your best not to reveal your massive crush on the smiley boy. Jun, who had been your best friend since forever, shot you a knowing glance as you held back your smile. It had taken him about two minutes to figure out your puppy crush; he wasted no time dropping subtle hints and jokes your way about it. 

“Since you’re all so terribly bored, why don’t we go make a fire outside? Sorry I’m not fun enough for you…”

“That sounds cool, let’s do it!” Hoshi shot you a grin. You felt your heart melting.

“Hey wait, somebody bring me one of their hoodies,” you suddenly demanded.

“Why?” Seungkwan asked, slightly perplexed by your order.

“…Cause boy hoodies are like… Really comfy,” you blushed, feeling awkward until a blue hoodie came flying your way. You caught it (albeit not very gracefully) and looked around at Hoshi, who had apparently tossed it to you. 

He gave you a shy smile and said “I’ll grab another one” quietly, making his way out of the room before you could stutter a thanks. Jun wiggled his eyebrows at you until he was hit by a pillow, which happened to be the closest thing to you.
You moved to the kitchen to grab s'mores ingredients before throwing on the hoodie, which smelled like cologne. You decided you were never giving it back until it lost it’s scent, in which case you would return it and steal another one.

Keep reading

“I got into a very desperate situation last year. I was under a lot of stress because my dad was in the hospital with a terminal illness. I didn’t have much income, my credit was bad, and I needed a new place to live. So I responded to a listing on Craigslist. And because of my desperation, I ended up living with a hoarder. I was completely despondent. So for the next two days, I walked around New York and asked hundreds of people to say a prayer for me. Or if they didn’t want to pray, I asked them to say something nice to me. Most people just said: ‘God bless you’ or ‘I hope things work out.’ I asked priests, monks, bank tellers, security guards, homeless people, mentally ill people… everyone. I’d say that I approached about 200 people. Then at the end of the two days, a post from a friend popped on my newsfeed. It said: ‘I have an empty room and need someone to move in today.’ So one of those prayers worked. I’m just not sure which one it was.”

6

this is jUST. sO IMPORTANT OH MY GOD. okay so the mansion or the tower has always been symbolic of tony’s connection to the avengers even when they thought he was just their benefactor. it’s the literal representation of his generosity and how he used to believe his only possible value as Just Tony Stark was being the rich guy that housed the avengers, fed them and gave them a place to live as well as all the cool tech in the world they could possibly want.

after the mansion was destroyed, tony gave them the tower and now even that’s been taken away from him, too. and it hurts because it seems like no matter how much tony gives he’s always going to fall short. this tower was the last of what he had left, where all his money and resources had been poured into. and here he is in the debris of a former home once more feeling like he’s a lost a little of that hope.

so steve comes along and he does the whole Captain America Is Giving You An Inspirational Speech So Listen Up thing and it’s exactly what tony needs to hear. these places that the avengers have lived in have meant as much to steve as they did tony. they were the first place he associated with safety and warmth and comfort after he came out of the ice. 

like, for all of the strengths and valiance of these heroes, the fact that they need a home and crave somewhere to belong is just so so human. it’s the most human thing of all. and they’ve had their home burned down and attacked and destroyed so many times but the thing is they always pick themselves back up. they rebuild. building is what tony does best. he didn’t build the mansion himself, not physically, but he built the place that steve calls home: that generosity and compassion and kindness he first showed him, the safety of having somewhere to come back to after every battle. 

the most important thing though, is that home, for these two, means wherever the other person is. they are each other’s home. i j UST. ALL THE LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE MOTIFS AND REPRESENTATIONS OF HOME AND BELONGING WITH THESE TWO I CAN’T.

A Thank You

I just…really really want you all to know again how thankful I am for all the kind messages because like, my own family hasn’t really reached out to me and told me they’re happy for me at all. 

I’m crying right now cause my sister hasn’t even said anything to me and I’ve been trying to get closer to her even after I moved out of my house more than a year ago. I know a few of my family aren’t happy about it because they’re super Christian and think I’ve been living in sin with my boyfriend or whatever. And the rest of my family just kind of hate my fiance cause they don’t find him physically appealing.

The only person from my family that’s genuinely showed happiness for me was my mother, and they look down on her because of her dementia anyways.

My fiance’s family has treated me so well and made me feel like part of their family when my own family tries to tear me down emotionally and they wonder why I don’t visit them that often.

So anyways, all that to say, thank you all so much.

I often find myself in the obligatory “doesn’t relate to anyone” mood where I watch tons of people interacting around me and having fun, but I feel like I’m already dead and just haunting the room.

My friends think I’m dramatic and phoning it in and my family thinks I’m mentally unhinged and a pain in the ass. And I guess I’m all those things. I don’t even know.

I’ve these intense periods of time where I’m so full of life and I want to do everything, and see every single place in the world, and meet every single human I can meet, but then they’re just gone. I want to live one minute and kill myself the next. I’m a fleeting mess of emotions.

It’s a lonely god damn disconnect. My hands are always cold. I always want someone to hold me but I don’t want them to actually touch me. I want to watch Alley Cats Strike and then go bowling and do the ‘spin the ball on your finger’ trick to nail a 50/50 split.

I want this all to make sense. I want someone to read this and be like “damn girl I know exactly what you mean” and be the best friend I’ve always wanted. I want solace in the form of doritos locos tacos. I want the entire god damn world.