my god how beautiful is this film

Lemonade Poetry

Intuition

I tried to make a home outta you.
But doors lead to trapdoors. A stairway leads to nothing.
Unknown women wander the hallways at night.
Where do you go when you go quiet?
You remind me of my father, a magician. Able to exist in two places at once.
In the tradition of men in my blood you come home at 3AM and lie to me.
What are you hiding? The past, and the future merge to meet us here.
What luck. What a fucking curse.

Denial

I tried to change.
Closed my mouth more.
Tried to be soft, prettier.
Less…awake.
Fasted for 60 days.
Wore white.
Abstained from mirrors.
Abstained from sex.
Slowly did not speak another word.
In that time my hair grew past my ankles.
I slept on a mat on the floor.
I swallowed a sword.
I levitated… into the basement, I confessed my sins and was baptized in a river.
Got on my knees and said, “Amen.” And said I mean. I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet.
I threw myself into a volcano.
I drank the blood and drank the wine.
I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God.
I crossed myself and thought… I saw the devil.
I grew thickened skin on my feet.
I bathed…in bleach and plugged my menses with pages from the Holy Book.
But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know.
Are you cheating? Are you cheating on me?

Anger

If this what you truly want.
I can wear her skin…over mine.
Her hair, over mine.
Her hands as gloves.
Her teeth as confetti.
Her scalp, a cap.
Her sternum, my bedazzled cane.
We can pose for a photograph.
All three of us, immortalized.
You and your perfect girl.
I don’t know when love became elusive.
What I know is no one I know has it.
My father’s arms around my mother’s neck.
Fruit too ripe to eat.
I think of lovers as trees…
…growing to and from one another.
Searching for the same light.
Why can’t you see me? Why can’t you see me? (Why can’t you) Why can’t you see me? Everyone else can.

Apathy

So what are you gonna say at my funeral now that you’ve killed me?

Here lies the body of the love of my life, whose heart I broke without a gun to my head. Here lies the mother of my children both living and dead. Rest in peace, my true love, who I took for granted, most bomb pussy, who because of me, sleep evaded. Her shroud is loneliness.

Her God was listening.
Her heaven would be a love without betrayal.
Ashes to ashes…dust to side chicks.

Emptiness

She sleeps all day…dreams of you in both worlds.
Tills the blood in and out of uterus. Wakes up smelling of zinc.
Grief, sedated by orgasm.
Orgasm heightened by grief.
God was in the room when the man said to the woman, “I love you so much. Wrap your legs around me and pull me in, pull me in, pull me in.”
Sometimes when he’d have her nipple in his mouth, she’d whisper, “Oh my God.” That, too, is a form of worship.
Her hips grind pestle and mortar, cinnamon and cloves, whenever he pulls out.
Loss.
Dear moon, we blame you for floods…for the flush of blood…for men who are also wolves. We blame you for the night, for the dark, for the ghosts.
Every fear…
Every nightmare…anyone has ever had.

Accountability

You find the black tube inside her beauty case.
Where she keeps your father’s old prison letters.
You desperately want to look like her.
You look nothing like your mother.
You look everything like your mother.
Film star, beauty.
How to wear your mother’s lipstick.
You go to the bathroom to apply the lipstick.
Somewhere no one can find you.
You must wear it like she wears disappointment on her face.
Your mother is a woman.
And women like her can not be contained.
Mother dearest, let me inherit the Earth.
Teach me how to make him beg.
Let me make up for the years he made you wait.
Did he bend your reflection?
Did he make you forget your own name?
Did he convince you he was a God?
Did you get on your knees daily?
Do his eyes close like doors?
Are you a slave to the back of his head?
Am I talking about your husband or your father?

Reformation

He bathes me…
…until I forget their names…and faces.
I ask him to look me in the eye when I come…home.
Why do you deny yourself heaven?
Why do you consider yourself undeserving?
Why are you afraid of love? You think it’s not possible for someone like you.
But you are the love of my life…love of my life…the love of my life…the love of my life.

Forgiveness

Baptize me…
…now that reconciliation is possible.
If we’re gonna heal, let it be glorious.
One thousand girls raise their arms.
Do you remember being born?
Are you thankful?
Are the hips that cracked…
…the deep velvet of your mother…
…and her mother…
…and her mother?
There is a curse that will be broken.

Resurrection

You are terrifying…
…and strange…
…and beautiful.

Hope

The nail technician pushes my cuticles back…
…turns my hand over, stretches the skin on my palm and says:
“I see your daughters, and their daughters.”
That night in a dream the first girl emerges from a slit in my stomach.
The scar heals into a smile.
The man I love pulls the stitches out with his fingernails.
We leave black sutures curling on the side of the bath.
I wake as the second girl crawls headfirst up my throat.
A flower blossoming out of the hole in my face.

Redemption

Take one pint of water, add a half pound of sugar, the juice of eight lemons…
…the zest of half lemon.
Pour the water from one jug, then into the other, several times.
Strain through a clean napkin.
Grandmother, the alchemist.
You spun gold out of this hard life.
Conjured beauty from the things left behind.
Found healing where it did not live.
Discovered the antidote in your own kitchen.
Broke the curse with your own two hands.
You passed these instructions down to your daughter.
Who then passed it down to her daughter.
My grandma said, nothing real can be threatened.
True love brought salvation back into me.
With every tear came redemption.
And my torturer became my remedy.
So we’re gonna heal, we’re gonna start again.
You’ve brought the orchestra.
Synchronized swimmers, you are the magician.
Pull me back together again the way you cut me in half.
Make the woman in doubt disappear.
Pull the sorrow from between my legs like silk, knot after knot after knot.
The audience applauds…
…but we can’t hear them.

Warsan Shire

2

That rhyme. What’s it mean? What did you say? Huh? The thing you say right before you pull the trigger. What do you… You heard that? Yeah, I heard it. What the… I gotta say, sometimes… sometimes I think you really just might be the devil. Sometimes I think I might be, too. It’s a… ‘One Batch, Two Batch, Penny and Dime’, you know? It was her favorite book. You know, you… you gotta cross the ocean and go fight. You see, the whole time you’re thinking you’re gonna be scared, right? But then you’re not. See, that part of it was always easy for me. Killing. Even watching my buddies die… It just… It didn’t mean nothing. The first time I got scared was on a plane on the way home. I kept thinking God was gonna pull out the rug from under us, you know? Shit, that’s His kind of funny, you know? But the plane landed safe, and we were home. Driving through traffic, yeah, you pass fast food and doughnut shops and all that… that greasy shit. It’s the shit you fought to protect. And then the car stops. We were outside her school. I get to her classroom, right? She’s in there, but she’s got no idea. She’s got no idea that Daddy’s home. I walk in, these kids aren’t even studying, they’re doing some kind of yoga, yeah. You know? She’s there doing her poses, you know? She’s bending and, you know, she’s moving. She looks like a flower. Yeah. And, you know, you can’t even understand it, you know? How does something like that… how does something that beautiful… how does that… does that come from me? You know? And she looks up, and she sees me. I see her. By God, that’s real. That’s real, Red. In an instant, she’s across that classroom floor, she’s in my arms. She’s squeezing me so tight, I swear I was gonna bust a rib, you know? We just stayed like that… We’re holding each other. Teacher, she’s filming the whole thing on her phone, she’s gonna put it on YouTube or some shit. She can’t hold the thing steady because, you know, she’s bawling so hard. And the kids are all wailing, you know, they’re screaming, and me, shit, I’m the worst of all. I’m a… I’m a rubber-faced clown, you know? I cried so hard. But not my baby. Not my girl. You know, she’s my girl. She’s… she’s not crying, she’s holding me up. My girl, she’s keeping me on my feet. She says, “I knew it, Daddy. I knew it.” And then we go home. Wife, the boy. Place is the exact same, it’s like it was just holding its breath waiting for me to get back, you know? And then it hit me. All of it, you know? The first time I felt how tired I was, you know? I was just… tired… you know? You… you ever been tired, Red? Yeah. So you know. It’s just… I couldn’t do nothing, you know? All the things… I couldn’t take my wife to bed, ball with the boy, shit, I was too tired I couldn’t even drink a goddamn beer, you know? But not her. My girl was up. See, she wanted me to, uh… she wanted me to tuck her in. She outgrew it, she knew it, but she didn’t care, she wanted it. She had that book… Her favorite book was out on the pillows. ‘One Batch, Two Batch, Penny and Dime’. Yeah. I read her that book every night before this shit. I read it every single night. But see, that was over now, because Daddy’s home now. She looked at me and she begged me, Red. She begged. She begged. …I said, “No. Daddy’s too tired, see. But I’ll… I’ll read it to you tomorrow night. I promise.” Yeah. Never think that for her, there wasn’t gonna be any tomorrow, see. The last time I’d see her I’d be holding her lifeless body in my arms. Meat was spilling out of her, Red. The place where her face used to be. Yeah… I think I’m done, Red. I think I’m done.

From Starfuryevents instagram.
God, can he be more beautiful and adorable ?
Can’t believe I had a chance to really speak to him and made him smile really wide and even blush….When I told him I am his fan for 17 years and spoke about my 16 year old son (who was in my belly when I first watched David Copperfield) being his fan now, he told me he had a baby when he filmed Hannibal and his eyes shone with love and pride ❤.I couldn’t say how cute I think Cyrus is, because all these paparazzi photos I saw 😶.
My human sunshine 😍 !

Cancer Crew foursome

Hey guys, so I’m gonna be writing a smut, yes a smut. I got inspiration from this picture my friend sent me over twitter. So let’s get fucking into this guys!

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   Today was finally my birthday, I was finally turning 18! Max, my good friend since I was in third grade and he was in fifth, he decided to celebrate with me with his friends in the U.S. Flying from Australia to America was long and nerve wracking but worth it! His friends are super funny, sweet, not to mention sexy. I mean, Max was most definitely sexy, I’ve had a crush on that boy since I don’t know like 8th grade! But he’s always been older and had a girlfriend, so I could never have him.

     I was always the first one awake in Max’s friends Joji’s house, almost always. I’m an early bird, so I was just sitting on the couch watching cartoons and waiting for the others to wake up. I was looking forward to it, Max always made a big deal out of my birthday, he would throw huge parties, give me extravagant presents and make me feel like some sort of princess. But this year I’m turning 18 so he might make a bigger deal out of it, I was excited needless to say. 

   I was flipping through the cartoons, trying to find a decent one, I wasn’t used to the American cartoons. I was getting bored, the boys were still asleep, They sleep all day I swear.  ‘Are they ever gonna wake up?’ I thought to myself. 

    I then suddenly heard loud thumping coming from across the house, I smiled to myself, They’re awake now. 

“Where’s my birthday girl?” I heard Max’s voice yell from across the house, I giggled and stood up, Max walked into the living room, shirtless with his messy hair. He smiled and pulled me into his arms embracing me in a bone crushing hug, his cologne still faint on his skin, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment being in his arms. 

  “Happy birthday you beautiful bitch,” Max said putting me down, Joji walked in with Ian, both shirtless in their boxers, Joji holding boxes wrapped in colorful wrapping paper. I smiled.

“The cancer crew took it amongst themselves to make this a good birthday so we got you a few things,” Ian said handing me a smaller box, it had a bit of weight to it, I grinned and hugged him tightly.

“Aww, you guys really didn’t have to get me stuff, thank you guys so much!” I said giving hugs to the three of them, they stared me down as I sat back down on the couch with the present in my lap, I looked back up at them and back at the present and started to tear the wrapping paper.

“Oh, by the way, that ones from me,” Max said proudly, I laughed and discarded the wrapping paper. I picked up the box and gasped.

“I know how much you love taking pictures, so I got you this cool camera,” I gasped looking down at the vintage Polaroid camera in my lap, a huge smile crept onto my face, I leaped up and wrapped my arms around his neck, he wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Oh my god, thank you so much, Max! I love it so much!” I squealed as Max put me down, I picked the box up again and admired the beautiful camera.

“These ones are from me, Happy birthday,” Joji said sweetly handing me a box,

“Aw thank you Joji, You really didn’t have to get me anything!” I said tearing the wrapping paper apart, my eyes widened as I saw the box, It was a whole box full of polaroid film, I gasped and leaped up to hug Joji.

“Max told me how much you loved photography, so I got you a shit ton of film.” He pointed to about three boxes of more film, I squealed and kissed his cheek. Ian chuckled and handed me his box.

“I figured since you’re turning 18 I’d get you some condoms. You’re a pretty girl and you’ll never know when you’ll need em’,” I let out a loud laugh and my face turned a bright shade of red. 

“Oh my god, Ian!” I said in between laughs, the boys laughed with me.

“I’m gonna go make some breakfast, any requests? (Y/N)?” Joji said walking to the kitchen, Ian sat on the recliner, Max sat next to me wrapping an arm around me making me blush.

“Uh, Pancakes please!” I said sweetly, Max pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head.

“What do you want to do today?” He asked, I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest.

“Nothing really, I enjoy watching you guys film, so if you have to film I’ll watch.” Max smiled and looked at Ian.

“Yeah, we need to film a video for frank’s channel, so if you’re really ok with that, then sure.” I smiled and watched the cartoons again. 

-some time later-

I was watching the boys film, laughing my ass off. The boys kept on glancing at me every once in a while, I just brushed it off. I was taking pictures with my new camera of the boys, smiling widely the whole time. 

   I was looking through my photos when Max came and sat down next to me, covered in food, syrup, and alcohol. I stuck up my nose at the stench and smiled at him.

“can I look?” He asked, I nodded and sorted through the photos I had taken that day.

“Wait, I have an idea for a picture!” Max said winking, he stood up and walked to the boys and whispered something in their ears. 

“Ok, we’re gonna be right back and go get changed.” I raised my eyebrows and looked at fat cunt, he only smirked, I smiled at him and continued to look through the photos. I smiled as I looked at their bodies, they looked so cute, hard to deny you had a crush on all three of them. As if you didn’t make it obvious enough.

“Ok, (Y/N), ready?” I heard Max call from the back of the house, I shouted back ‘Yes’, grabbed my camera, and walked to the back of the house. I took some photos of my feet in the grass and other things before I finally got over there.

“Take this picture so you can have it when you’re back in Aussie and I’m away,” Max said, I looked up and my eyes widened.

“W-What the fuck?” I said covering my eyes to see that they were all butt naked, only their hands covering their dicks. I could feel myself blushing madly, I couldn’t look, what the hell…

“Just take the picture,” Joji said in a teasing tone, “It’s cold, hurry please,” Ian said shivering. I gulped and picked the camera up, I pointed it to them and looked through the lens and snapped the photo, the camera whirring to life instantly printing out a photo. Max laughed and they started walking back inside. What the hell was that about?

    I took the picture back to my pile, grabbed them and made my way back to the sliding glass door, I hesitated before opening it, is this why Ian gave me the condoms? Were they planning something? 

   I shook it off and opened the door, I set my camera down on the couch and started making my way to the spare bedroom where I was sleeping, so I could put the photos in a safe place. 

‘What was that naked photo about though?’ was the only thought in my mind. I was about to turn the corner when Max popped out of nowhere and attacked my lips, I jumped and the photos dropped from my hands.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this,” Max started, the then started attacking my lips again, I then melted into the kiss and put my hands around his neck, pulling him closer.

“Wow Max, you’re not gonna share?” Joji said suddenly behind me, I gasped as I felt his hands exploring me body, I moaned rolled my head back as Max started to rub his hands over my slit. Joji started kissing my neck, I could feel my knees start to go weak,

“Don’t I get some?” Ian said, I opened my eyes and bit my lip.

“If you want it come and get it,” I said winking, Max then stopped, i felt joji step back.

“We’re taking this to the bedroom,” Max said deeply, his eyes dark with lust, He picked me up, I wrapped my legs around his torso, Joji, and Ian following behind us, Max kicked open his bedroom door and laid me down on the bed, I looked up at the three boys in front of me and I was instantly soaked, this was actually happening.

“I can’t wait any longer, I’ve been waiting for this moment so long (Y/N),” I bit my lip and watched as Max hovered over me. 

“How do you want it, babe?” He asked darkly, Ian and Joji started exploring my body, rubbing their hands all over me, I blushed and bit my lip to hold in a moan.

“Give it to my rough, Max,” I said letting out a shaky moan, Max Chuckled and kissed my neck, he started taking off my shirt, Ian and Joji working on my pants, I bucked my hips up helping them, Max ripped my shirt off and tossed it into the pile of clothes, Max pulled out a condom from the waistband of his boxers and ripped the wrapper open with his teeth.

“You’re gonna be a good girl right?” Joji asked sitting me up, whispering in my ear,

“Y-Yes, I’ll be good,” I said feeling completely vulnerable in his arms, I could feel Joji’s hard cock on my back, I opened my eyes as I saw Ian on his knees beside me, his cock making a tent in his boxers I moaned at the sight. He took his boxers off, his erection springing free, I moaned.

“Suck,” He demanded, I took him in my mouth, I swirled my head around the tip moaning loudly as Max entered me, Joji following him. They waited a minute before thrusting different speeds at different times, needless to say, it hurt like hell for my first time, but it felt so damn good. 

“F-Fuck, you’re so tight,” Max moaned, he started to play with my tits as Joji peppered my neck with kisses, I couldn’t help but moan loudly, sending vibrations down Ian’s cock making him moan louder.

“F-Fuck, I-I’m so c-close,” Ian moaned, his cock twitching in my mouth, I sucked harder as Joji and Max’s thrusts became shorter and sloppier. I felt a pit in the bottom of my stomach, signaling I was close, I moaned loudly, sending Ian over the edge, cumming in my mouth, He moaned breathlessly and fell back on the bed, I swallowed all his juices and leaned back on Joji who was breathing heavily. 

“I-I’m gonna c-cum!” Max moaned out, releasing into the condom, He pulled out and laid down, Joji wasn’t finished yet, He pulled out of my ass and laid down.

“Ride me,” He demanded, I  nodded and slid down on his cock, bouncing up and down, moaning louder each time, He dug his fingers into my hips, I could feel the fire in my stomach getting stronger as I finally released and clenched around him, moaning loudly.

“J-Joji!!” I screamed his name, arching my back, but he still wasn’t done, a few more thrusts and he was screaming my name, he released into the condom.

“F-Fuck, that was hot…” Max said pulling me close to him, Joji laid down next to me, Ian laying behind Max.

“T-That was a-amazing,” I said breathless, they all chuckled, Joji kissed my hickeys, soothing them, Max kissed my lips once more.

“Happy birthday baby girl,” Max said kissing my head before the four of us fell into a deep sleep. 

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That took me about two hours to write so yeah, there you go.

Travelin’ Soldier

Summary: Reader is currently deployed in the army to an undisclosed combat area. She has been deployed for nearly two years. Anxiously awaiting her return is her husband and brother as they film for Supernatural. Letter comes informing the family that she may not be heard from for awhile and soon devastating news comes.

Characters: husband!Jensen x Reader, Jared x Reader (Twins), Gen, Shepherd and Thomas.

Words: 1849

Disclaimer: I do not own the title of the song Travelin’ Soldier by the Dixie Chicks at all. I simply thought it could be a little fighting. Not hate towards Danneel either, as this is simply fiction and not real.

Warnings: possible swearing, angst and war.

Author: Caitsy

A/N: This simply came to me. I may write a part two but if you want one let us know. Enjoy!

Originally posted by violet-phantomhive

Originally posted by aflamemandrakes

It was that time again when the homesickness took over her completely, it would nearly shatter her when it with such unforgiving power. The heat was getting to her, her eyes felt like sand would always be inside her sockets. She could literally taste the sand whenever she remotely smiled at her fellow comrades when the pitch of darkness didn’t swallow them whole. Her hands were cracked but the special ointment was used scarcely for when it was truly needed.

She was staring at the blank paper in front of her waiting for the pen in her hand to move. She didn’t know how she could manage to even write the first bit. Y/N felt that if she procrastinated writing the letter then maybe time would stop and she wouldn’t have to imagine the gut wrenching expressions that would come on her families faces.

The Sergeant had graciously allowed each of his soldiers to write a letter to their loved ones informing of the lack of communication soon. They were going to be radio silent to keep their position silent as they came close to their enemies. The war had brought Y/N to the sandy desert on a different continent than her home. Slowly allowing one tear to fall, she began writing.

Hey, buds:

I know must be a special occasion to hear from me more than once this month! I want you to know that I received the pictures of the boys. They’ve grown so much since I last saw them, I can’t wait to hug Shep and Tom. They’ll be the first ones I promise. I don’t have time to write you each individual letters given the reason why I’m writing right now. So I’ll split the paragraphs and keep it short.

Tom and Shep. I hope you’re doing well and behaving! I heard that Tom’s been telling his friends who his hero is. I will admit I cried when you wrote about it bud. You’ll never know so special it feels when you’re nephew announces that his Aunt is his hero. Shep, I know you probably don’t entirely remember given how long I’ve been gone on this tour. When I last saw you in person you were going just beginning to walk! I expect to see you running when you see me next. I’m holding you to it. I love you boys.

Jared, how’s my twin doing lately? I heard about the new season from Jensen and Gen. Damn, you’ve carved out a really nice career. I’m doing okay, still have all my limbs in place if you were wondering. Oh! A new soldier arrived a while back and you wouldn’t believe his name! Samuel Campbell. It blew my mind at how quick my mind went to your character on Supernatural. What are the odds huh? Anyway I hope Gen is okay. I really miss you guys. You wouldn’t believe how much and I’m coming home. I don’t know when but I will come home I promise. See you soon.

Gen! Congratulations on the pregnancy! I’m so excited for you and Jared. The ultrasound was sweet and I loved it. The one thing that got me the most was the picture you sent of the boys kissing you’re belly on each side. The message on the front was beautiful, ‘Aunt Y/N I can’t wait to meet you!’. God I wish I was there so much to help you get everything ready when Jared is filming. To help with the boys. I’m coming home as soon as I can.

Jensen, how. It’s been a rollercoaster the last five years with you. I hope you can forgive me for not being there on Valentine’s Day, your birthday, and my birthday. It killed me when I was informed my time was extended. Nearly two years have passed since I last saw you. I love you so much. You will never know how much and I’m so honoured to have met you, and married you. I’m making a promise to you. The minute I get home, we’re going to begin that family we’ve talked about for years. I miss you.

God the ending of this letter has come. I hate the ending of letters because it means ‘I have work to do’, don’t hate me for the reference haha. Anyway I began the letter talking about a special occasion and it’s probably made you sad and curious. My unit is being moved to an undisclosed area closer to enemy lines. I’ll admit the danger is definitely a lot higher given that after this letter I won’t receive anymore nor will I make anymore until we get back. Don’t worry. The unit’s done this before, which I was just given the go to tell you, and it’s second nature almost. I love you guys and I’ll see you soon.

Much love,

You’re aunt, sister, wife.

Y/N.

                                                  〰️〰️〰️

The day was nice out, the boys were running around in the backyard while Gen, showing now, stood in the kitchen finishing lunch. There was soft music playing in the background as she would glance out the window to see Shep and Tom on the jungle gym they had. Jared and Jensen were finishing filming, it was the last day for this year, and were due back soon. Today was more of a celebratory brunch.

“Tag! You’re it!” Shep screamed racing away from his older brother.

Gen smiled remembering the time when Tom had coerced Y/N into playing tag a couple weeks before she was deployed. She could remember as Y/N and Jared swore up a storm putting the jungle gym together one hot summer day.

“Son of a bitch!” Y/N screamed waving her hand around.

“You alright?” Jared laughed watching the pain on his twin sister’s face dissipate.

“Fine. Jesus thank god we’re done with this.” Y/N stated stepping back from their masterpiece.

“Give a year or two and we’ll be putting one up in your backyard.” Jared teased. He quickly frowned at how tense Y/N went at his words and how the atmosphere grew uncomfortable, “Are you okay?”

“Jensen and I talked about kids.” Y/N muttered staring at nothing in particular, “It blew into a fight a couple days ago. We’ve been avoided each other, he’s been staying with his sister the last couple of days.”

“That’s why he isn’t here.” Jared hummed, “What happened.”

“We fought about me being deployed. He was pretty upset and so am I. We said some nasty things, he brought up wanting a family and I shot it down. I want kids. I do, but I don’t want them to wonder when their mom is coming home. I see how torn Tom is and he’s not that old nor is he my kid!”

“I’m so sorry.” Jared said pulling her into his arms.

“He said he didn’t know if he could see a life without the possibility of kids.” Y/N sobbed brokenly, “Next thing I know he’s screaming that maybe kids would a horrible idea with my job.”

“He didn’t mean it. You’ll work it out.”

“Jared. I got the date I’m leaving.” Y/N whispered with tears welling up again, “I leave on Monday.”

“What?” Jared’s voice broke, “Does he know?”

“No. He won’t answer the phone. I got a text early this morning telling me that his phone would be off and he needed a couple days.” Y/N replied, “I leave in two days and my husband refused to talk to me.”

“Excuse me.” Jared’s voice broke striding into the house leaving Y/N on the ground broken.

Gen vividly remembered Jared’s voice telling his brother-in-law that Y/N was hurt badly. It didn’t take even half an hour before Jensen was in the backyard sobbing when he found out how long he had with his wife. She had never seen someone regret something that much.

She heard the knock on the door so she called out for a moment before waving the boys inside. Once Shep and Tom were in the living room with colouring books she walked to the front door, she had expected Jared is he had forgot his key. Her smile dropped at the two men in uniform.

“Mrs. Padalecki, we’ve been forwarded information to give to you. It was brought to our attention that you’re husband and Mr. Ackles work specifically during these months. We were informed that if something happened to Y/N during these months we were to come straight to you.” One of the men said handing over a letter.

“Mommy? Who’s at the door?” Gen’s youngest son asked. Gen cleared her throat looking back.

“Honey, go colour with Shep okay?” She smiled watching in thanks as Shep shrugged and walked back to the living room, “Come on it.”

The men followed her towards the kitchen watching as the pregnant woman shakily made herself some tea. They both shook their heads at her offer of refreshments.

“Gen?” Jared’s confused voice called. Jensen and him had walked up to the house seeing the nondescript car parked outside, “Is something wrong?”

Jared and Jensen stopped in the doorway seeing a barely holding it together pregnant woman and two uniformed men standing awkwardly at the counter. Jared and Jensen’s faces dropped at the letter clutched between Gen’s fingers.

“Mr Ackles. Mr Padalecki.” The taller of the two men said solemnly, “Now that you’ve joined we would like to offer our condolences at this time.”

Shep and Tom peeked around the corner watching the adults interact with each other, their mom and dad collapsed into each other while their Uncle Jensen fell to the ground. The boys were confused but watched as the two men walked to the front door smiling at the young boys.

“She co-could still be alive right?” Jensen’s voice cracked.

It had been a long time since Y/N’s last letter and they had been itching to hear from her again, it was shock to learn that Y/N was now considered MIA. Her unit had come back severely injured with one Y/N Ackles missing. In the weeks following the discovery the army had been tirelessly looking for to no avail.

The family of Y/N couldn’t believe the news nor did they believe that she was gone. She was out there, Jensen knew it.


A/N am I a terrible human? Do you want another part?

Part Two

youtube

4th Man Out - Oh. My. God. This movie is gold. So amazing. Currently on Netflix and I am highly recommending it. The actors and actresses are amazing and beautiful, and the story line is so well done.This movie got me hooked within the first thirty seconds. It follows a young man named Adam (;D) coming out to three of his best friends and how they all handle it while trying to maintain the friendships they have always had.

2

Awestruck Mulder in Squeeze.

8

The first time I got scared… was on a plane on the way home. I kept thinking God was gonna pull the rug out from under us, you know? shit, that’s his kind of funny, you know. But the plane landed safe and we were home. Driving through traffic. Yeah, you pass fast food and donut shops and all that… that greasy shit. It’s the shit you fought to protect and then the car stops. We were outside her school. I get to her classroom, right? She’s in there… but she’s got no idea. She’s got no idea that Daddy’s home. I walk in, these kids, they’re not even studying, they’re… doing some kind of yoga. Yeah. You know? She’s there. She’s doing her poses, you know. She’s bending and, you know, she’s moving. She looks like a flower. Yeah. And, you know, you can’t even understand it, you know, how does something like that have… How does something that beautiful… How does that… does that come from me, you know? And she looks up and she sees me. I see her. By God, that’s real. That’s real, Red. Boom. In an instant, she’s across that classroom floor, she’s in my arms. She’s squeezing me so tight, I swear I was gonna bust a rib, you know? We just stayed there like that, we’re holding each other. Teacher, she’s filming the whole thing on her phone, you know, she’s gonna put it on YouTube or some shit. She can’t hold the thing steady, because, you know, she’s… she’s bawling so hard, and the kids are all wailing, you know, they’re screaming. And me? shit, I’m the worst of all. I’m a… I’m a rubber-face clown, you know. I cried so hard. But not my baby. Not my girl. You know, she’s my girl. She’s… She’s not crying, she’s holding me up. My girl, she’s keeping me on my feet. She says, “I knew it, Daddy. I knew it.” And then we go home. Wife, the boy. Place is the exact same. It’s like it was just holding its breath waiting for me to get back, you know? Then it hit me. All of it, you know.

Lemonade

“Intuition”

I tried to make a home out of you, but doors lead to trap doors, a stairway leads to nothing. Unknown women wander the hallways at night. Where do you go when you go quiet?

You remind me of my father, a magician … able to exist in two places at once. In the tradition of men in my blood, you come home at 3 a.m. and lie to me. What are you hiding?

The past and the future merge to meet us here. What luck. What a f*cking curse.

“Denial”

I tried to change. Closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for 60 days, wore white, abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word. In that time, my hair, I grew past my ankles. I slept on a mat on the floor. I swallowed a sword. I levitated. Went to the basement, confessed my sins, and was baptized in a river. I got on my knees and said ‘amen’ and said ‘I mean.’

I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet. I threw myself into a volcano. I drank the blood and drank the wine. I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God. I crossed myself and thought I saw the devil. I grew thickened skin on my feet, I bathed in bleach, and plugged my menses with pages from the holy book, but still inside me, coiled deep, was the need to know … Are you cheating on me?

Cheating? Are you cheating on me?

“Anger”

If it’s what you truly want … I can wear her skin over mine. Her hair over mine. Her hands as gloves. Her teeth as confetti. Her scalp, a cap. Her sternum, my bedazzled cane. We can pose for a photograph, all three of us. Immortalized … you and your perfect girl.

I don’t know when love became elusive. What I know is, no one I know has it. My father’s arms around my mother’s neck, fruit too ripe to eat. I think of lovers as trees … growing to and from one another. Searching for the same light.

Why can’t you see me? Why can’t you see me? Why can’t you see me? Everyone else can.

“Apathy”

So what are you gonna say at my funeral, now that you’ve killed me? Here lies the body of the love of my life, whose heart I broke without a gun to my head. Here lies the mother of my children, both living and dead. Rest in peace, my true love, who I took for granted. Most bomb p*ssy who, because of me, sleep evaded. Her god listening. Her heaven will be a love without betrayal. Ashes to ashes, dust to side chicks.

“Emptiness”

She sleeps all day. Dreams of you in both worlds. Tills the blood, in and out of uterus. Wakes up smelling of zinc, grief sedated by orgasm, orgasm heightened by grief. God was in the room when the man said to the woman, “I love you so much. Wrap your legs around me. Pull me in, pull me in, pull me in.” Sometimes when he’d have her nipple in his mouth, she’d whisper, “Oh, my God.” That, too, is a form of worship.

Her hips grind, pestle and mortar, cinnamon and cloves. Whenever he pulls out … loss. Dear moon, we blame you for floods … for the flush of blood … for men who are also wolves. We blame for the night for the dark, for the ghosts.

“Loss”

Every fear … every nightmare … anyone has ever had.

“Accountability”

You find the black tube inside her beauty case where she keeps your father’s old prison letters. You desperately want to look like her. You look nothing like your mother. You look everything like your mother. Film star beauty. How to wear your mother’s lipstick. You go to the bathroom to apply your mother’s lipstick. Somewhere no one can find you.

You must wear it like she wears disappointment on her face. Your mother is a woman and women like her cannot be contained. Mother dearest, let me inherit the earth. Teach me how to make him beg. Let me make up for the years he made you wait. Did he bend your reflection? Did he make you forget your own name? Did he convince you he was a god? Did you get on your knees daily? Do his eyes close like doors? Are you a slave to the back of his head?

Am I talking about your husband or your father?

“Reformation”

He bathes me until I forget their names and faces. I ask him to look me in the eye when I come home. Why do you deny yourself heaven? Why do you consider yourself undeserving? Why are you afraid of love? You think it’s not possible for someone like you. But you are the love of my life. You are the love of my life. You are the love of my life.

“Forgiveness”

Baptize me … now that reconciliation is possible. If we’re gonna heal, let it be glorious. 1,000 girls raise their arms. Do you remember being born? Are you thankful for the hips that cracked? The deep velvet of your mother and her mother and her mother? There is a curse that will be broken.

“Resurrection”

Something is missing. So many young women, they tell you, “I want me a hu — see, all them make me feel better than you.” So how we supposed to lead our children to the future? What do we do? How do we lead them? Love. L-O-V-E, love. Mm-mmm-mmm. Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus. I just love the Lord, I’m sorry, brother. I love the Lord. That’s all I got.

When your back gets against the wall and your wall against your back, who you call? Hey! Who you call? Who you call? You gotta call Him. You gotta call Jesus. You gotta call Him. You gotta call Him ‘cause you ain’t got another hope.

You are terrifying … and strange and beautiful.

Magic.

“Hope”

The nail technician pushed my cuticles back … turns my hand over, stretches the skin on my palm and says, “I see your daughters and their daughters.” That night in a dream, the first girl emerges from a slit in my stomach. The scar heals into a smile. The man I love pulls the stitches out with his fingernails. We leave black sutures curling on the side of the bath.

I wake as the second girl crawls headfirst up my throat, a flower blossoming out of the hole in my face.

“Redemption”

Take one pint of water, add a half pound of sugar, the juice of eight lemons, the zest of half a lemon. Pour the water from one jug then into the other several times. Strain through a clean napkin.

Grandmother, the alchemist, you spun gold out of this hard life, conjured beauty from the things left behind. Found healing where it did not live. Discovered the antidote in your own kit. Broke the curse with your own two hands. You passed these instructions down to your daughter who then passed it down to her daughter.

I had my ups and downs, but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up. I was served lemons, but I made lemonade. My grandma said “Nothing real can be threatened.” True love brought salvation back into me. With every tear came redemption and my torturers became my remedy. So we’re gonna heal. We’re gonna start again. You’ve brought the orchestra, synchronized swimmers.

You’re the magician. Pull me back together again, the way you cut me in half. Make the woman in doubt disappear. Pull the sorrow from between my legs like silk. Knot after knot after knot. The audience applauds … but we can’t hear them.

Give me a character and I will answer

Give me a character and I will answer:

@haslemere: David Collins


  • Why I like them:

He’s just so charming and understanding of your situation, not mention hot as hell.  

Originally posted by andsowewalkalone

  • Why I don’t

He’s an utter complete psycho and will kill anyone who gets in his way, basically he’s an utter complete fuck up.

Originally posted by sonjackcarl

  • Favorite episode (scene if movie)


Originally posted by nestarearland

neednt i say more…*cough cough*


  • Favorite season/movie

Just the whole damn film…from start to finish, just pure magic. 

  • Favorite line


Originally posted by three-course-dessert

  • Favorite outfit


Originally posted by a-ripley


OR


Originally posted by three-course-dessert


  • OTP

He didnt really have one, did he. But then, who knows he may have done.

Originally posted by nevjerni-toma

  • Brotp


Originally posted by prnceadam

I mean, these two could have done some serious damage, if Luke had been okay with David’s warped mind and messed up ideas.

  • Head Canon

The reason that David went total ‘Norman Bates’, is that he had a girl (with red hair, blue eyes, slight accent- yea ok) and something happened to her and he wanted to revenge on people’s loved ones to bury his pain. 

  • Unpopular opinion

To me, I dont know if anyone shares this opinion, but I think this is Dan’s best role to date- apart from Line of Beauty.

  • A wish

To know more about David’s background and how he became so messed up, I really just want to give him a hug. 

  • An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

A sequal? God, please no! The film is just a beautiful and amazing as it is, but then secretly…*whispers* I’d love another film.

  • 5 words to best describe them

bad boy solider psycho killer…

Originally posted by danstevensource

  • My nickname for them

My love… I have no regrets.

Originally posted by thehandmaidn

One batch, two batch. Penny and dime, you know. It was her favorite book. You know, you…you gotta cross the ocean…and go fight. You see…whole time you’re thinking you’re gonna be scared, right? But then, you’re not. See, that part of it was always easy for me. Killing. Even watching my buddies die, it just…it didn’t mean nothing. The first time I got scared was on a plane on the way home. I kept thinking God was gonna pull the rug out from under us, you know? Shit, that’s his kind of funny, you know? But the plane landed safe and we were home. Driving through traffic. Yeah, you pass fast food and donut shops and all that…that greasy shit. It’s the shit you fought to protect and then the car stops. We were outside her school. I get to her classroom, right? She’s in there, but she’s got no idea. She’s got no idea that Daddy’s home. I walk in, these kids, they’re not even studying, they’re doing some kind of yoga. Yeah. You know? She’s there. She’s doing her poses, you know. She’s bending, and, you know, she’s moving. She looks like a flower. Yeah. And you  know you can’t even understand it, you know, how does something like that have…How does something that beautiful…How does that…does that come from me, you know? And she looks up and she sees me. I see her. By God, that’s real. That’s real, Red. Boom. In an instant she’s across that classroom floor, she’s in my arms. She’s squeezing me so tight, I swear I was gonna bust a rib, you know? We just stayed there like that, we’re holding each other. Teacher, she’s filming the whole thing on her phone, you know, she’s gonna put it on YouTube or some shit. She can’t hold the thing steady because, you know, she’s…she’s bawling so hard, and the kids are all wailing, you know, they’re screaming. And me? Shit, I’m the worst of all. I’m a…I’m a rubber-face clown, you know. I cried so hard. But not my baby. Not my girl. You know, she’s my girl. She’s…She’s not crying, she’s holding me up. My girl, she’s keeping me on my feet. She says, “I knew it, Daddy. I knew it.” And then we go home. Wife, the boy. Place is the exact same. It’s like it’s just holding its breath waiting for me to get back, you know? Then it hit me. All of it, you know. The first time I felt how tired I was, you know, I was just…tired, you know? You…you ever been tired, Red? So you know. It’s just, I couldn’t do nothing, you know? All the things…I couldn’t take my wife to bed. Ball with the boy, Shit…I was too tired. I couldn’t even drink a goddamn beer, you know. But not her. My girl was up. See, she wanted me to, uh…she wanted me to tuck her in. She…She outgrew it, she knew it but she didn’t care. She wanted it. She had that book. Her favorite book was out on her pillows. One Batch, Two Batch…Penny and Dime. Yeah. I read her that book every night before this shit. I read it every single night, but, see, that was over now because Daddy’s home now. She looked at me and she begged me, Red. She begged. She begged. I said, “No. Daddy’s too tired, see. But I’ll…I’ll read it to you tomorrow night. I’ll read to you tomorrow night, I promise.” Yeah. Never think that…for her there was not gonna be any tomorrow, see. The last time I’d see her, I’d be holding her lifeless body in my arms. Meat was spilling out of her, Red. The place where her face used to be. Yeah. I think I’m done…Red. I think I’m done.
—  Frank Castle in “Penny and Dime”

Vader: [text] u awake?
Obi-Wan: What do you want?
Vader: clone wars documentary on holo history channel right now 
Vader: u should watch omg there is some amazing footage of us 👀👀👀
Vader: i completely forgot about the zillo beast lol god our lives were so weird
Vader: awwwww the 501st!!!! 💙 KICKING ASS YEAH THATS RIGHT
Vader: come on watch this with me 
Obi-Wan: I’m sure it’s an unbiased program if your boss is allowing it to air.  
Vader: well yeah i mean it is about how the jedi tried to take over the republic and whatever but still
Obi-Wan: I am not about to watch some propaganda film slandering my life’s work and my dead friends, Anakin. 
Vader: geez ok fine i just thought you’d like to see us u could watch it without the sound and turn it off before order 66 
Vader: god i used to be so hot 
Vader: u remember 
Obi-Wan: I’m not answering any more texts from you.
Vader: liar
Vader: ooooh and theres general kenobi 
Vader: omg your hair 😍 is it still that beautiful and if so pic pls
Obi-Wan: My hair is substantially grayer now. I cannot imagine why. 
Vader: at least u HAVE HAIR 😡
Obi-Wan: 🙄 I knew that was coming. 

2

If none of God’s saints were poor and tried, we should not know half so well the consolations of divine grace. When we find the wanderer who has not where to lay his head, who yet can say, Still will I trust in the Lord; when we see the pauper starving on bread and water, who still glories in Jesus; when we see the bereaved widow overwhelmed in affliction, and yet having faith in Christ, oh! what honour it reflects on the gospel. God’s grace is illustrated and magnified in the poverty and trials of believers. Saints bear up under every discouragement, believing that all things work together for their good, and that out of apparent evils a real blessing shall ultimately spring–that their God will either work a deliverance for them speedily, or most assuredly support them in the trouble, as long as he is pleased to keep them in it. This patience of the saints proves the power of divine grace. There is a lighthouse out at sea: it is a calm night–I cannot tell whether the edifice is firm; the tempest must rage about it, and then I shall know whether it will stand. So with the Spirit’s work: if it were not on many occasions surrounded with tempestuous waters, we should not know that it was true and strong; if the winds did not blow upon it, we should not know how firm and secure it was. The master-works of God are those men who stand in the midst of difficulties, stedfast, unmoveable.

C H Spurgeon

instagram: @athenagracee / fujix100 / vsco film 05

okay imagine the visual aesthetic of my blog + the music i post as a lesbian film bc that’s my honest to god dream. to create a badass lesbian film. idk how many of y'all have seen the sad selection of lesbian cinema that currently exists but it’s mostly garbage and i deserve better. so if anyone wants to help me make this dream a reality i’m deadass serious. i got that vision. and some interesting life experiences that are literally just ripe for an exaggerated screenplay treatment. imagine the beautiful women and the killer soundtrack!!!

The Signs as Beyoncé's  Lemonade Monologue feat. poetry by Warsan Shire
  • Aries: The audience applauds... but we can't hear them.
  • Taurus: Grandmother, the alchemist. You spun gold out of this hard life. Conjured beauty from the things left behind. Found healing where it did not live. Discovered the antidote in your own kitchen. Broke the curse with your own two hands. You passed these instructions down to your daughter. Who then passed it down to her daughter.
  • Gemini: You are terrifying...and strange...and beautiful. Magic.
  • Cancer: The scar heals into a smile. The man I love pulls the stitches out with his fingernails. We leave black sutures curling on the side of the bath. I wake as the second girl crawls headfirst up my throat. A flower blossoming out of the hole in my face.
  • Leo: If it’s truly what you want, I can wear her skin over mine, her hair over mine, her hands as gloves, her teeth as confetti, her scalp... a cap, her sternum, my bedazzled cane... We can pose for a photograph, all three of us, immortalized. You and your perfect girl.
  • Virgo: Baptize me... now that reconciliation is possible. If we're gonna heal, let it be glorious. One thousand girls raise their arms. Do you remember being born? Are you thankful? Are the hips that cracked, the deep velvet of your mother... and her mother... and her mother? There is a curse that will be broken.
  • Libra: I don't know when love became elusive. What I know is no one I know has it. My father's arms around my mother's neck. Fruit too ripe to eat. I think of lovers as trees... growing to and from one another. Searching for the same light. Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? (Why can't you) Why can't you see me? Everyone else can.
  • Scorpio: And my torturer became my remedy. So we're gonna heal, we're gonna start again. You've brought the orchestra. Synchronized swimmers, you are the magician. Pull me back together again the way you cut me in half. Make the woman in doubt disappear. Pull the sorrow from between my legs like silk, knot after knot after knot.
  • Sagittarius: Why do you deny yourself heaven? Why do you consider yourself undeserving? Why are you afraid of love? You think it's not possible for someone like you. But you are the love of my life...love of my life...the love of my life...the love of my life.
  • Capricorn: Film, star, beauty. How to wear your mother's lipstick. You go to the bathroom to apply the lipstick. Somewhere no one can find you. You must wear it like she wears disappointment on her face. Your mother is a woman. And women like her can not be contained.
  • Aquarius: Her God is listening. Her heaven would be a love without betrayal. Ashes to ashes...dust to side chicks.
  • Pisces: She sleeps all day, dreams of you in both worlds, tills the blood in and out of uterus,wakes up smelling of zinc. Grief sedated by orgasm, orgasm heightened by grief.
5

Day Eight || Bias Singing 

I could honest to god spend the rest of my life watching Jongdae singing. It takes my breath away to see how he always manages to convey the emotion of whatever hes singing so effortlessly and his voice is so angelic and beautiful. 
(Click on the first photo for a link to Chen’s performance of
Uprising that that gif is from, the second one for a link to his performance of When I was… When You Were… with f(x)’s Krystal, the one after that for a link to him singing Nothing Better -its not the exact video that gif came from but it was filmed at the same time and I couldn’t find a good quality version of the one the gif is from - and the last photo for a link to the It’s Okay, Thats Love OST track Best Luck that he recorded) 

Beyoncé’s Lemonade Monologue

Intuition

I tried to make a home out of you, but doors lead to trap doors, a stairway leads to nothing. Unknown women wander the hallways at night. Where do you go when you go quiet? You remind me of my father, a magician…able to exist in two places at once. In the tradition of men in my blood, you come home at 3a.m. and lie to me. What are you hiding? The past and the future merge to meet us here. What luck. What a fucking curse. 

Denial

I tried to change. Closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for sixty days, wore white, abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word. In that time, my hair, I grew past my ankles. I slept on a mat on the floor. I swallowed a sword. I levitated. Went to the basement, confessed my sins, and was baptized in a river. I got on my knees and said “amen” and said “I mean”. I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet. I threw myself into a volcano. I drank the blood and drank the wine. I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist of God. I crossed myself and thought I saw the devil. I grew thickened skin on my feet, I bathed in bleach, and plugged my menses with pages from the holy book, but still inside me, coiled deep, was the need to know…are you cheating on me?

Anger

If it’s what you truly want, I can wear her skin over mine. Her hair over mine. Her hands as gloves. Her teeth as confetti. Her scalp, a cap. Her sternum, my bedazzled cane. We can pose for a photograph, all three of us. Immortalized…you and your perfect girl. I don’t know when love became elusive. What I know is, no one I know has it. My father’s arms wrapped around my mother’s neck, fruit too ripe to eat. I think of lovers as trees, growing to and from one another. Searching for the same light. Why can’t you see me? Everyone else can.

Apathy

So what are you gonna say at my funeral now that you’ve killed me? Here lies the body of the love of my life, whose heart I broke without a gun to my head. Here lies the mother of my children, both living and dead. Rest in peace, my true love, who I took for granted. Most bomb pussy who, because of me, sleep evaded. Her god listening. Her heaven will be a love without betrayal. Ashes to ashes, dust to side chicks.

Emptiness

She sleeps all day. Dreams of you in both worlds. Tills the blood, in and out of uterus. Wakes up smelling of zinc. Grief sedated by orgasm, orgasm heightened by grief. God was in the room when the man said to the women, “I love you so much. Wrap your legs around me. Pull me in.” Sometimes when he’d have her nipple in his mouth, she’d whisper, “Oh, my God.” That, too, is a form of worship. Her hips grind, pestle and mortar, cinnamon and cloves. Whenever he pulls out…loss. Dear moon, we blame you for floods…for the flush of blood…for men who are also wolves. We blame for the night for the dark, for the ghosts.

Loss

Every fear…every nightmare…anyone has ever had.

Accountability

You find the black tube inside her beauty case where she keeps your father’s old prison letters. You desperately want to look like her. You look nothing like your mother. You look everything like your mother. Film star beauty. How to wear your mother’s lipstick. You go to the bathroom to apply your mother’s lipstick. Somewhere no one can find you. You must wear it like she wears disappointment on her face. Your mother is a woman and women like her cannot be contained. Mother dearest, let me inherit the earth. Teach me how to make him beg. Let me make up for the years he made you wait. Did he bend your reflection? Did he make you forget you own name? Did he convince you he was a god? Did you get on your knees daily? Do his eyes close like doors? Are you a slave to the back of his head? Am I talking about your husband, or your father? 

Reformation

He bathes me until I forget their names and faces. I ask him to look me in the eye when I come home. Why do you deny yourself heaven? Why do you consider yourself undeserving? Why are you afraid of love? You think it’s not possible for someone like you. But you are the love of my life. 

Forgiveness

Baptize me now that reconciliation is possible. If we’re gonna heal, let it be glorious. One thousand girls raise their arms. Do you remember being born? Are you thankful for the hips that cracked? The deep velvet of your mother, and her mother, and her mother? There is a curse that will be broken.

Resurrection

Something is missing. So many young women, they tell you, “I want me a hu- see, all of them make me feel better than you.” So how are we supposed to lead our children to the future? What do we do? How do we lead them? Love. L-O-V-E, love. Mmm-mm-mm. Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus. I just love the Lord. I’m sorry, brother. I love the Lord. That’s all I got. When your back gets against the wall and your wall against your back, who you call? Hey! Who you call? Who you call? You gotta call Him. You gotta call Jesus. You gotta call him. You gotta call Him ‘cause you ain’t got another hope. You are terrifying…and strange…and beautiful. Magic.

Hope

The nail technician pushed my cuticles back and turns my hand over, stretches the skin on my palm and says, “I see your daughters and their daughters.” That night in a dream, the first girl emerges from a slit in my stomach. The scar heals into a smile. The man I love pulls the stitches out with his fingernails. We leave black sutures curling on the side of the bath. I wake as the second girl crawls headfirst up my throat, a flower blossoming out of the hole in my face.

Redemption

Take one pint of water, add a half pound of sugar, the juice of eight lemons, the zest of half a lemon. Pour the water from one jug then into the other several times. Strain through a clean napkin. Grandmother, the alchemist, you spun gold out of this hard life, conjured beauty from the things left behind. Found healing where it did not live. Discovered the antidote in your own kit. Broke the curse with your own two hands. You passed these instructions down to your daughter who then passed it down to her daughter. “I had my ups and downs, but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up. I was served lemons, but I made lemonade.” My grandmother said, “Nothing real can be threatened. True love brought salvation back into me. With every tear came redemption, and my torturer became my remedy.” So we’re gonna heal. We’re gonna start again. You’ve brought the orchestra, synchronized swimmers. You’re the magician. Pull me back together again, the way you cut me in half. Make the woman in doubt disappear. Pull the sorrow from between my legs like silk. Knot after know after knot. The audience applauds…but we can’t hear them.