my go to expressions for everything

I found peace n’ comfort
in sharing our existence,

I found satisfaction
just knowing you were listening,

I found something special
I tried to make it last,

Yet my head hurt me
It pushed into the past,

I tried to plead my sorry
but i can not express..

The way this got me feeling
I had to just digress.

I don’t wanna be here no more
I’m trapped my head
I’m trapped in my thoughts
I just wanna be free

I wont have to run away
I wont have to see your face
I wont have to lead astray
I wont have to find my place

I wont have to feel your skin
I wont have a life to live
I wont have to be afraid
I don’t need to be okay

Everything seems to go fast
yet here I am still in the past
trying to find just something more
than what I had with you before.

Made with SoundCloud
Departing Messages from the Divine

Aries: “Just keep running kid, don’t ever stop, even if you are scared, that’s what makes those stars collide”
Taurus: “I want you to appreciate the beauty in what I have created, and so you will find pleasure in every moment”
Gemini: “Watch what’s going on down there then come back and tell me everything they’re getting up to”
Cancer: “There is a time people will feel that I abandoned them, and I want you to take them in”
Leo: “I want you to be a showcase of my artistry and creative genius through your striking self expression”
Virgo: “Use those magic eyes and diamond mind to perceive the intricate detail in everything I have crafted. This is where you will find true beauty”
Libra: “Things will be hard down there. I want you to be everyone, so they can see the beauty of themselves in you, the spirit that softens hearts”
Scorpio: “I want you to become unafraid of coming back to me”
Sagittarius: “I will see you again, you will find me on earth, in your own way, I am waiting for you”
Capricorn: “I’ll walk side by side with you, you will be my second in command, together we will uphold the world”
Aquarius: “Promise me you will explore with ravishing ferocity that mind I created under moonlit madness”
Pisces: “People will become broken and wounded down there. I want you to offer your solace, because you smell of me, you will bring them home”


Reasons I need a Caregiver

1. *sees tha Sun rise* Oh, it’s probably time for bed.
2. *steps over piles of random things to try to leave/enter my room*
3. *refilling my meds container for the week* Oh, never mind, I forgot them all week.
4. Oh, its 10pm, might wanna eat something today…
5. *goes almost a week without drinking just water*
6. *doesn’t acknowledge the need to use the bathroom until I’m about to have an accident*
7. *can go a whole day without leaving my room, then feels guilty and cries about not being productive*
8. Sleep schedule? What’s that?
9. *puts off everything and ultimately gets nothing done*
10. *needs someone to express my clingy-ness and emotions to*

Tales of Zestiria + Titles
  • Aries Myth: You are loud and angry and enjoy conflict.
  • Aries Reality: I don't know how to channel my emotions so I express them through physical and verbal actions.
  • Taurus Myth: You are lazy, eat a lot, and always complain.
  • Taurus Reality: I enjoy luxury and relaxing. I work hard to be able to relax so often. I only want the best, I'm actually a picky eater.
  • Gemini Myth: You are two-faced and have too many personalities.
  • Gemini Reality: I have a lot going on in my mind and I can't express it through only one persona. I am highly adaptable to any situation.
  • Cancer Myth: You are weak and fragile.
  • Cancer Reality: I am strong. My weakness is a facade. My true strength lies in my unpredictability.
  • Leo Myth: You are vain and egocentric.
  • Leo Reality: I have pride in myself and everything I do. I am all about self betterment and know that even I have things I can improve.
  • Virgo Myth: You are a loner and frigid. You are socially awkward.
  • Virgo Reality: I love communicating with others, but I am very shy. However, I think best alone.
  • Libra Myth: You are fake and can't think for yourself.
  • Libra Reality: I just want to make everybody happy. I never pick anything because I am afraid of making some people upset.
  • Scorpio Myth: You are dark and dislike others. You are obsessed with sex.
  • Scorpio Reality: I am afraid of opening up to others. Sex is the only time I can open up to others without truly giving myself up.
  • Sagittarius Myth: You are always happy and optimistic.
  • Sagittarius Reality: I try to be optimistic for others. I use my happiness as a bandage to ignore my true feelings.
  • Capricorn Myth: You are boring and obsessed with work.
  • Capricorn Reality: I hate working, but I want to reap the benefits of success. I am afraid of letting others down.
  • Aquarius Myth: You are weird and detached.
  • Aquarius Reality: I prefer to keep my distance. I have a wide variety of interests but relations with others are not my strong suit.
  • Pisces Myth: You're always sleeping, crying, or high.
  • Pisces Reality: I just want to escape. The real world is harsh and I don't know how to cope with it.
Sometimes I have days where everything seems to go wrong in every area of my life all at once and all I want to do is cry.
I don’t know if it’s from frustration or anger or just every imaginable emotion I keep bottled up inside trying to express itself all at once… but whatever it is, that urge to break down in tears is overwhelming.
I never do… at least, not at the time and certainly not in front of anybody else because I know I can’t. I have too much riding on me… there’s too many people that rely on me and not enough time for the luxury of a breakdown. But I would do anything to be allowed to fall apart just once and have somebody else pick up the pieces.
But that’s not who I am. I’m the strong one. I’m the one who supports everyone else and fights to keep everything together.
I’m the kind of person who cries and pretends they don’t. I act like I’m invincible when in reality I cry alone in my car, in bathrooms and when other people fall asleep. I’m the one who pulls myself together every time when in reality… I’m falling apart inside and would give just about anything for somebody to hold me together…
—  Ranata Suzuki  “Falling apart inside”

Sun in the 12th: I need alone time, it makes me feel a whole lot better and is a must in order to stabilize myself after being drained by the company of others. I get creative and more expressive when I’m by myself. Weak vitality when I’m with others but strong and more energized when I’m alone, in the confidence of my own company. Alone time will do a 12th house person good in general. Helping other people makes me feel good too, you know, like doing something nice for someone; boosts the confidence and makes me feel like I’m needed.

Mercury in the 12th: talk talk talk. I like going online and communicating with others or just vocalizing everything I do when I’m alone. I love to write fantasy stories, and read them too if I come across anything good. Beneficial outlet of the restless mind mercury in the 12th gives. Watching films, more so fantasy-esque; out-of-this-world kind of content. Fills my head with imagination, a nice feeling. When alone, thinking to myself about my day is important to me, reevaluation. To organize my outrageous thoughts as to not lose myself in them.

Venus in the 12th: I try to exercise my artistic abilities when I have privacy, like any artist it’s a good feeling when a piece is finished. Surrounding myself with beauty is beneficial. For example, I love taking pictures, especially of the clouds, sky & moon.. my favorites. Venus in the 12th makes it hard for me to feel “beautiful” or “worthy” but I usually comfort myself by cleaning myself up. Simple things, you know, such as taking a bath, putting on some good looking but comfortable clothing, or maybe spraying some kind of fragrance on. Helps with the self-worth problem. I don’t feel embarrassed about it ether, because I do it when I’m alone whereas with others I feel self-conscious. Socializing does me good but only when it’s with very few people. With Venus in the 12th I feel safer with private and small social relations. Again, alone time is a must after socializing. Music, music, music, another beautiful thing that I surround myself with, especially while drawing. I need it because it makes me feel good, vaporwave is a genre I’m weak for.

I used to hate my 12th house planets but I’ve grown comfortable with them and even a bit appreciative of them after learning how to find outlets to healthily channel their energies.

bloody-geisha  asked:

Reactions of Lords + Retainers (and minor fellas) seeing their newborn



Finally alone and in tranquility after those horrible hours, I am left alone with the two persons that are the most precious to me. Holding our newborn under __’s affectionate look I feel a completely new, different emotion. Of course I would cherish them, the result of our unquenchable love, but this was more than that, more than I could have ever imagined. My heart seemed to swell up in my chest, impending to explode with all those feelings inside of me, making my joy visible in my facial expression.
My Divine rule is near and you will see nothing of the current world, for everything will be better when you are grown up.

To make sure __ can rest after having given birth, I immediately take our newborn in my arms. What a beautiful face full of innocence without a clue what is going on in this merciless world. All my anxiety throughout these last nine months seem to be washed away by __’s bright smile and the sight of our child, replacing it with a new ambition. I will always protect these two people I love more than anything else whatever the cost and will return to them, even if just to see their happy faces a last time.

Careful… Careful… So far so good… __ chuckles as she sees my efforts and tense expression as she hands me over our newborn. She had only held them for some minutes and of course she would be the first one to, considering that she gave birth to them. But it seemed like an eternity. I tensed more with every passing minute and she must have noticed it. Finally having them in my arms, I was even more anxious. So… tiny… And so adorable, I couldn’t even bear it. I was really concentrated to be tender and careful, but as I wanted to stroke their cheek with a single finger, I was frozen, my eyes wide. Before I could touch them, they were faster, gripping my finger and squeezing it tight with this soft, warm hand.

I was always pretty good at hiding my emotions, obviously, but now I didn’t even care. I haven’t even ever considered it possible to actually fall in love, have a family, be a father. Look at you, little Lady, what have you done to yourself? But I couldn’t be happier, more grateful for the best gift you could have ever given me beside your unconditional love. I looked away from the woman I loved and at our newborn’s face instead, not able to keep the smile from my face. We will get along well, I’m sure.

Here, here! To me! Come on! I want to hold them! Yes, finally!
I think my heart had never pounded this hard, this fast, but at the same time I have never felt more joy than at that moment. I loved their cute nose, their eyes that reminded me of their mother and their smell that made my heart boil over with affection and the inability to handle their cuteness.
“I can’t wait for you to grow up and have fun with us”, I said cheerfully, nuzzling their nose.

Completely bewildered for the last hours anyway, I still wasn’t quite collected as I held our child in my arms. And as if all of this wasn’t enough, the next moment I was even more shocked, but at least it kind of brought me back to the present.
They smiled at me.
I would have thought that they were still too young to even do that, but I was wrong as it seems. Nothing could make me happier than to be greeted with a smile at our first encounter. Surely you will have a better childhood than I had and I will do anything to make that happen.

They had their mother’s eyes. That was the first thing I noticed, holding them in my arms. Those eyes I loved so much and that I would continue to love, even stronger now that I see them in both. Nothing could vanish that smile on my face right now, make my happiness fade, sitting next to the woman I loved and holding our newborn.
I looked at their face, imagining their beauty, ressembling their mother, once they would grow up and looking forward to everything we would experiece together.

I can’t believe I was even able to wait for so long without completely freaking out and finally the time was here, our baby in my arms. But now of all times I was dumbstruck, my eyes and maybe also my mouth open, but no words escaping it. Countless emotions were rushing through my heart and unfortunately also my mind, leaving me speechless, just staring at our newborn’s face.
__’s chuckle brought me back to reality, snapping me out of my nonexistent thoughts, but it wasn’t long before I fell into that same state again.
“Well, say hello to your.. distinct.. father.”, __ said again, but this time I wasn’t able to retort.

After having handed me my child over, I sent all those maids out and even managed to show them my usual smile. But of course they couldn’t know what I was feeling at that moment and - at least I hope - couldn’t hear the rapid beating of my heart either. I was holding our newborn, my fingers digging into the blanket they were wrapped up in, to prevent them from trembling. Noticing __’s kind look, I turned away from her, strangely embarrassed. “Stop staring and rest.” I looked into the innocent face of our baby, promising them that they would never have to endure what I had to with a smile of my own. Probably the most genuine I have ever given.

I had always admired her for her strength and seeing her suffer like that was almost too much for me to bear. But this was nothing compared to my emotions as I held our child in my arms. It never occured to me that I didn’t have something to say, but in that moment I was absolutely speechless, taken aback by the soft face of our child.
However that was what I have thought, as my next words seemed to come out effortlessly, even uncontrolledly, leaving __ shocked this time. “They are so cute.”

I was ready for anything, be it dying in battle or killing, but holding my child in my arms and seeing it for the first time was a whole new level and nine months weren’t nearly enough to prepare me for it.
__ was watching me from her bedding next to us so I at least tried to manage a calm posture. I would have expected me to be the last person to become father, but seeing our newborn I could really get used to this. “Aren’t you a cute one”, I grinned before sitting down next to __.

Never having seen myself worthy of her, here I was holding our baby in my arms. My love for __ has already always been indescribable, I couldn’t have thought any emotion could exceed this and I wouldn’t be able to put it into words, if I had to.
Lord Ieyasu always claimed that I rarely showed reactions, but he would surely change his mind, if he saw me at that moment, my happiness clear on my face.
“I am so happy.”, I whispered before looking at __ again.

Taking our newborn in my arms, all my memories on Ai’s birth and all emotions connected to it were refreshed. They even ressembled her, a fact that did not help easing my pounding heart. I was always known for being quite strict and also collected, but this probably won’t be the case anymore since this moment was tear-jerking indeed. And before long my cheeks weren’t dry anymore.

In all my life I have felt many things: Anger, regret, suspicion, friendship and finally love. But none of them was even slightly comparable to the emotion of holding my own child in my arms. Maybe all __ could see was the faint smile on my face, but I couldn’t manage more that moment, considering how anxious I was. Of course I would be, I was not used to holding babies and on top of that it was my own. Their warmth spread through my hands, arms and entire body, filling my heart with pure affection.

My heart and mind were flooded with affection and warmth. Our newborn was looking straight at me, a calm and peaceful expression, everything exactly as it should be. Being with __ ensured my greatest happiness anyway, but seeing our baby and feeling their warmth was more than I could have ever wished for. Everything was perfect: The woman I loved healthy in the bedding next to me, Masamune with the kindest expression I have ever seen him with, a misty-eyed Kojuro and most importantly, our new addition to the Date Clan, this family I would do anything for.

I was watching our newborn with a proud smile on my face. Arms still fluttering uncontrolledly, they looked even smaller in my broad ones. I could talk of many things with pride, with Lady Takeda leading the way, but I felt like our child would awaken a new elation in me. Amidst my thoughts they gripped the front of my coat and seemed to relax immediately. __ noticed which I could tell from the affectionate tilting of her head.
“Welcome to the family, little Tiger.”

in Charles Carter’s book he uses the Sagittarius-Aquarius sextile in Lewis Carroll’s charts as an example, suggesting the sign duality that creates clever skits and sketches on human nature

The queen of hearts seems quintessential Leo and I think especially Mars in leo. just the whole hysterical grandiosity, unpredictable hyper arousal, “ALL WAYS ARE MY WAYS!”… i could definitely see a mars in leo person charge down the hallway screaming “SOMEBODY’s HEAD is Going to ROLL FOR THIS!”. and leo rules the heart

The White Rabbit has the Capricorn/Saturn expression, the ticking clock, the reminder of time. im late. everything is important

Alice is Gemini in nature, she is the curious and wandering child, and its a prototypical gemini image, she is intelligent, forced into an illogical world that the brain is forced to reconcile and split into multiple, and unusual experiences. ““Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.” she seems wired because she wants to see it all. also there are really Aquarian elements in Alice too, but alice was confused and suffered a sort of crisis, Aquarius would feel right at home in wonderland :p

The Cheshire Cat seems Scorpio because he has the knowledge of wonderland, he knows and has befriended his madness, nonsense is familiarity. He vanishes and re appears mysteriously, there is an eeriness.  he has mastered the maze

Catepillar is like the Jupiter expression, Sagittarius and Pisces, he is the guru, the intoxicant, the vague and wild tripper, he is supposed to represent wisdom. Sometimes I go and talk to sagittarius and pisces and i just get the image of them smoking the hookah and going in to find answers

mad hatter… maybe like mercury in the first house. he went mad from all the mercury he put in his tea


I really felt like drawing TOS, so here’s the result! I like how this drawing turned out because although I had some good picture references, I didn’t have much to go with for Jim and he proved pretty damn hard to draw. But I got there at last, and I can honestly say that I love both Jim and Spock’s expressions. Spock seems very neutral about everything but if you look closely, he has a Mona Lisa-ish almost smile. And after a lot of erasing and re-drawing, I finally managed to get that soft, fond expression Jim tends to give Spock. I imagine these two are already in love, even if they haven’t said anything. I’m sure that Jim often shows up to see what’s going on in the science labs and to chat with Mr. Spock. And even if it’s a little hard for Spock to work with someone leaning on him, he wouldn’t dream of asking Jim to leave. :)

Little Mix on boyfriends, body image and saucy selfies.

Do you want people to read into the lyrics for your new single Shout Out To My Ex?

Jesy: We’re not going to shy away from situations that have happened. We’ve all been through heartbreak and love, so we’ve written a song that girls can relate to. It’s kind of an “up yours!”. I love that they will think: “Oh, f**k you,” when they hear it. That’s why I feel so lucky that we can express ourselves through our music. It’s very feisty…

Leigh-Anne: We are not holding back on this album – we’re giving it everything.

Perrie: [Puts on an American accent] No more nice Little Mix… No more nice girls!

What would you shout out to an ex?

Perrie: I’m all the way up and I’m never coming down.

Leigh-Anne: In my opinion, they always come back and this could be a way of saying: “Do you know what? Too late. I didn’t like you anyway!”

There’s a lyric in SOTME about faking it in bed. Have you ever done that?

Perrie: I think every girl has done that. It’s what every girl thinks and what every girl’s been through. We’re just saying it in a song.

Leigh-Anne: Sometimes you feel bad and don’t want them to feel awkward, so you just do it. Or if you’re getting bored of it. Also, if your ex has been a bit of an a***hole, then it’s nice to belittle them!

Jade: We’ve all been there. And you want it to be over and you’re just like: “Come on…!”

How body-confident are you?

Jesy: As we’ve got older, we genuinely don’t give a s**t any more. [The constant scrutiny] is hard to take when you’re young, but now we’re more confident. We’re happy to be how we are, and don’t care if we put on a couple of pounds. I feel like curves are really in at the moment – I love that they’re celebrated.

Leigh-Anne: They should always be in. I went to London Fashion Week in September and some models were really skinny.

Jesy: You should celebrate any size. If you can rock your body with confidence, and you’re happy in your own skin, there’s nothing sexier. I feel like we’re all in a really good place with how we feel about ourselves.

Do you ever let online comments about your appearance affect you?

Jesy: We never read comments any more. I think if people want to comment about you, what does it say about them? It just shows you they’ve got no life.

Perrie: People are always going to be negative. When we started out, it was like when you’re in a playground and the whole school was talking about you: “Oh my god, did you see what Perrie did?” It was that, but on a world scale and it was weird. But now, I couldn’t give a f**k.

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Candles for the Gemini Cold SuperMoon

Tonight is another super moon! This one is called the “Cold” moon, and brings with it a great airy Gemini energy of communication, self-expression, balance, and mindfulness. 

The candles I’m making to go along with this moon are geared toward the balancing side of things. It’s the holiday season and everything is hectic. The full moon brings out the craziness in everyone (it is where the term lunacy comes from), and some have seasonal depression. These candles were made with that in mind. I’m making these as gifts to help balance out friends and family. 

I’m keeping with my sea witchery, but you can always change things up to suit your style!


  • Coconut halves (Mine are about the size of the palm of my hand. Don’t go too big on this!)
  • Candle wax (I went with regular instead of bees because I was going to color them)
  • Crayon in whatever color you want (You truly only need a VERY SMALL BIT of crayon. I used about a quarter inch section for 5 candles)
  • Wick
  • Essential Oils (I used my own special combo to bring out the ocean and relaxation, but you can use whatever you want!)
  • Tray to stabilize your coconut halves on while the wax sets
  • Double boiler (or a jar in a pot of about 1″ of water)
  • Decoration (I used sea shells)


If you’re doing “jar in the water” method, I recommend letting your jar warm up with the water and when you put more water in (because evaporation), make sure the new water is already hot or your jar will shatter. 

Be aware of allergies!! If you are giving this as a gift, know the recipient’s allergies! Know what’s in your oils! If you don’t know, just don’t use it. Better safe than sorry.

Don’t use your child’s favorite crayon without permission! They will cry!

Don’t put wax in or on anything you actually like! It’s really hard to remove! That goes for pots, pans, jars, spoons, containers of any kind, clothes, pot holders, etc. 

Wax is hot! All the stuff it’s in will be hot, too! Be careful!

Prep your containers. When you set your wick, you’ll want to dip the weight in some melted wax and press it to the bottom of the coconut half. 

Select your shells, so you don’t have to scrounge or fish for the right ones when your time is limited on setting them. 

Melt your wax in the jar. Fill it with all your love and peace. If you’re making them as gifts, imagine the recipients feeling more balanced and relaxed. 

Add your oil(s) until, when you smell the wax in the jar, you catch a whiff but it’s not overwhelming. Imagine the recipient with a calm smile and a sigh of relief as they also smell the candle’s wax.

Add the bit of crayon for color. The recipient is filled with a child’s unconditional love. 

Let it all mingle and simmer.

Put on some oven mitts and pour that into the coconut halves. As you pour, imagine you’re pouring the good vibes into their souls, and the coconut will shield them from unwanted feelings and negativity. 

Wait for the wax to cool enough to become solid but warm. This is the part where you need to be quick!

Pour a little more wax on the top of the semi-set wax, then arrange your shells while it’s still wet. As you arrange the shells, associate each type of shell with a different aspect of what you want for your recipient! 

  • Murex shells will add a little extra protection.
  • Cockles for love. 
  • Whelk shells to help get a handle on things. 
  • Conch to clear up misconceptions. 
  • Scallops are good all-purpose shells. I speckle them around to enhance the others. 

Once they cool enough, set them in the full moon to charge up! 

thank you.

I just got my semester grades, and am so happy to have reached all of my goals. I remember how anxious I was in August when the school year began, which lead me to starting this blog, and how well everything turned out. One important reason for that is studyblr. Without you guys I couldn’t have done what I did, with all your motivation and kindness. Thank you so much for that. I cannot express how much this community means to me, and I genuinely hope I can give something back in form of this little blog. Keep going, you guys!

Out of all the deaths this year, this one hit me the hardest. I can’t even express how I feel right now. Carrie was so warm and loving and I can’t help but feel a little emptier. She was such a huge part of my childhood. One of Earth’s brightest stars went out today but her light will never go out for her fans. Rest in peace princess and may the force be with you. Thank you for everything.

one of the most difficult decisions of my life

I know that this is solely an art blog, but what I’ve decided recently is something that I know will impact my life incredibly, and as a result, my art as well. I’m going to drop out of my college studies in game design. It’s also a personal vent (sorry, I know this is an art blog lol, but this has been affecting me so much). 

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One Piece 851

This chapter broke me. Sanji’s expression on this panel was too much for my heart to take.

I know just how unpredictable Oda can be, but I just hope Sanji gets something awesome, anything, after everything he is going through right now.