Gender is super messy! It’s okay to experiment with your pronouns and use many at once, or different ones at different times. However, once someone chooses their pronouns, respect them, and use the correct ones. Thx!
I was going through old photos and found one from when I was 17. The outfit in it was the “feminine” version of my favorite suit. What’s most interesting to me about these photos isn’t the similarity. In fact, just the opposite. The most important point here is how transitioning affects the wellbeing of transgender people. In the first photo, I had only begun transitioning four years prior. The pressure of conforming to gender roles is intense, especially as a rural trans girl who only had access to trans help guides online. I was bombarded by messages of exactly how to appear in order to conform to gender roles. If I didn’t, then - according to the websites - I would face violence and rejection from everyone around me. Now over four years later, I know that’s not true. Transitioning has allowed me (and so many other trans people around the world) to not only reject gender roles but also help others in their transitions. Refusing the gender binary isn’t about aesthetics. It’s about allowing communities everywhere the power of self-determination. It’s about rethinking and restructuring these systems that we’re born into.
Being gay is more than rainbows, and kisses, and smiles. Being gay is more than sunsets, and cuddles, and sleepovers. Being gay is more than “be yourself”, and I was “born this way”. Being gay is throwing a brick at the stonewall riots, and lynchings for holding your girlfriends hand. Being gay is yelling at police, sitting still as a preacher spits in your face while he damns you to hell. Being gay is not some aesthetic that straight people can use to consider themselves “progressive” because we both know you’re only on our side so you can watch. If I have to see one more goddamned video of a straight white girl making a rainbow makeup tutorial for pride I’m going to scream. Being a lesbian is not two girls have a secret sleepover, cuddling together sneaking kisses; it’s changing alone in the locker rooms because the other girls are lining up to change in the bathroom stalls so you won’t see them. Being gay is not going to the store and biting organic fruit with your hubby; it’s getting yelled at during back to school shopping because your daughter “shouldn’t have to grow up having two fags as parents. How will you appease her feminine side?” Being bisexual isn’t being straight passing, and having more options to date; it’s being excluded from both the straight and gay communities. Being trans is not some skinny white boy who passes; it’s a person of color being beat up in the woman’s restroom because “HE’S just a MAN trying to sneak a peak at the woman inside”, as if she herself is not a beautiful woman who just needs to piss. Being Queer isn’t dressing cute and wearing a rainbow flag; it’s living with AIDS, which means even though you now test negative because you’ve kept on your meds and are no long contagious, you can’t find a significant other due to fear and propaganda. Being intersex isn’t a “true born transgender” (how could you ever say that and no know you’re being offensive?!); it’s having doctors remove parts of your genitalia for no logical reason at all. Being asexual/greysexual is not being a tease and staying innocent forever; it’s being excluded from the Queer community for some stupid sense of entitlement about what is and isn’t LGBT. Being aromantic is not a fun out-spirited girl who knows how to have a good time; it’s being called a skank on a daily basis because you don’t feel romantic attachments.
I am not an aesthetic for you to use to feel included in the LGBT community. Just because I believe in black lives matter does not mean in any way that I am a person of color. The A stands for asexual and aromantic, not ally. You’re not a part of our community. You support us yes, but you aren’t us. That sounds harsh, I know. I do not intend to hurt your feelings but my struggles are real. So, please stop dismissing them. Actually support us, instead of kinda helping to make yourself feel better. So, support us please, but please don’t sexualize us, or use us for your aesthetic. I am a person. I live, and breathe, and feel. My experiences are real. Hear them. Pay attention. And then do something about it.
I am a white, bi/pansexual, gender nonconforming individual. If you have a problem with something I’ve said PLEASE correct me or tell me what I’ve said to offend you. I will be happy to admit if I’m in the wrong.
(I lumped pansexual in with bisexual because to quote my favorite human @jaxxgarcia “to suggest you need a whole new sexuality to be attracted to trans people is …what’s that words again idk OH gross”. [EDIT the quote meant “don’t feel the need to change your sexuality just because allies don’t understand the difference between bi and pan”. People who don’t think pansexuals exist are gross. Pan people exist, I inserted the quote at a weird spot I’m sorry.] I put agender, gender fluid, demi girl/boy etc under trans to conserve space. I put pan, bi, poly etc under bi to conserve space. I use the word Queer because it’s a word stolen from us, and I’d like to claim it back. Also because I don’t like saying I’m gay, because I’m not a homosexual man, if you get where I’m coming from.)
A person can feel more “feminine” or “masculine”, a person can “present”
“feminine” or “masculine”
and still be non-binary, genderqueer, agender, etc, being
“feminine” or “masculine”
does not make me or any non-binary person LESS of a non-binary!
Happy Pride Month, everyone! so I decided to make those, still on the Pride Month vibe, of course! Pride Month is still going strong! I have the pansexual, asexual, nonbinary and genderqueer on the go, ready to go too, but would love more sugestions of genders and sexualities!