My thoughts on John Watson
I think no one would argue that he suffers from depression, low self esteem and has contemplated suicide more than once.
I think he found a slice of happiness with Sherlock. Even stopped dating and was planning on spending the rest of his life with him. I don’t think anyone can deny that John was hitting on Sherlock that first night at Angelos. I think after ASiB he was ready to live a life with Sherlock, even just as friends.
Then Sherlock committed suicide in front of John. I’ve no doubt that John blamed himself for that, after all everything is his fault, he’s said so himself. He was undoubtedly depressed after. I would not doubt he contemplated suicide again. I think there is a lot of evidence to say that he saw/heard Sherlock in his head this whole time.
Low and behold Mary comes along. Now, she was no Sherlock. But she showed interest in John. John, who obviously doesn’t do well alone. He likely thought that at least he’d have someone. And oh how Mary took advantage of a poor, depressed, unhappy man and hooked her claws into him. Look at MHR and the beginning of TEH. Did John look like a happy man to you? Nope.
Then Sherlock swooped back into his life unannounced. And during John’s “romantic” *eye roll* proposal. Shocks the shit outta John. And then, when they really need time to talk, Mary doesn’t fuck off, instead she sticks around and also sides with Sherlock the whole time. Real nice Mary. So John discovers that Sherlock faked his death, lied for two years, told a bunch of people but NOT HIM and never once tried to contact him. (not that Sherlock didn’t suffer too, but this post is about John, so chill Sherlock lovers).
So, John decided to still propose to Mary. Sherlock has, at this point, shown zero interest in a relationship with him. From JOHN’s POV easily replaced him Molly for cases (he has no idea Sherlock was hearing him in his head or calling his name out loud). Oh COURSE John would still marry Mary, why wouldn’t he? Sherlock then showed extreme interest in helping plan the wedding. From outward appearances didn’t show that the wedding itself was distressing to him, even Mary played into this lie, telling John that he just needed a break and to get out on cases. John even tried ONE MORE TIME to hit on Sherlock on his stag night, with no result again. Again, why is anyone surprised he still got married??
And then Mary was pregnant. So, even after he was miserable in his marriage, and Sherlock wasn’t contacting him but was still chatting with Mary behind his back, what was he supposed to do? Even after Mary shot Sherlock. John DID leave her for MONTHS. But SHERLOCK told him to go back to her, that she didn’t mean it bla bla bla. Obviously Sherlock didn’t want him. Mary was having his baby, and Sherlock WANTED him to go back to her. OF COURSE he went back. Even though it made him miserable and depressed.
Then S4 happened. And although I’d rather forget it, I just can’t. It starts out with Sherlock ignoring John’s texts. With Sherlock telling John he’d rather have Mary along on cases than him and them both joking about John and comparing him to a dog. Real nice. Real great for someone with depression and low self esteem. Then Mary dies, it all still seems really fake and over the top to me, but whatever. I’m sure John thinks Mary is the only person that will ever love him. Now she’s dead. Now he’s alone again. Leaving the baby at “friends.”
I honestly think John was trying to make a clean break from Sherlock for the good of the both of them. It obviously didn’t work as he forced back in. It’s a shame S4 went so off the rails.
These are just my thoughts on John’s POV. I do think both he and Sherlock have made many mistakes. I do believe both those idiots are in love with each other too. With John we have a man with trust issues and depression and self esteem issues. These two guys really need to sit down and have a good talk.