Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.
Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.
So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.
So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).
Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”
got me started young. It was just Saturday nights at first, when he’d
wait for Mom to be caught up in her shows, but over time, it became more
frequent, until he was at my bedroom door at least two or three nights a
week. I’d hear his footsteps coming down the hall and I would stop
whatever I was doing and I would wait for him to appear and, when he
did, he always asked the same question with that same smile.
“Hey, Sunny,” he’d say, “want to play some Dungeons and Dragons?”
When your dad is a huge nerd and your mom is only slightly less so,
it’s no surprise when you, too, become one. By the time I was eight, I
had successfully trekked across whole worlds, beaten back hulking
monsters of the abyss, and saved countless kingdoms from sure
destruction. I was Sunny the Slayer, Ranger Princess of the North Wood!
While we often played properly, with dice and character sheets and
manuals spread out around the table, sometimes we just roleplayed. I
liked playing pretend and Dad enjoyed world-building, so he’d come up
with something for my character to do and off I’d go, unconcerned with
stats or rolls. It was all about the storytelling.
last night my friend made a facebook status that said like “the only good band is Dinosaur Jr and also if you like ‘sad music’ like Elliott Smith or the smiths then youre an idiot and also rap music too” and i commented “nobody asked.” and he replied “this is my personal page if you dont like it then dont look?” and then immediately deleted the status and posted a new one that said “if people are gonna keep bullying me on facebook i’m just gonna deactivate i’m not kidding.”
I’ve been trying to figure out when, exactly, the seed of doubts started. I know I was searching for the real truth from about age 18 to age 28. I read the Bible and had many questions my youth pastor couldn’t answer which led me to ask other bible scholars these questions and listening to their answers. The first thing that struck me was the concept of free will. I couldn’t find any evidence in the Bible describing what was defined as free will. That led me to reading books by authors who wrote about our absence of free will. My pastor would talk about our freedom in Christ but the Bible called us elect and would consistently show me that we have no choice.
Another thing that bothered me was God’s ability of being tricked. You see numerous examples in Genesis and throughout the Old Testament. If god is all powerful, how can he be fooled? My rationalization of this was God wasn’t tricked. He was allowing things to happen because he planned everything. Making us believe we are in control over our lives.
I avoided behavior that I knew were against the Bible. When I got older, I hired a gay man to work in my comic book store, (I had my justifications owning the store) and realized he wasn’t a sex crazy pervert. I brought this up with my pastor and he reminded me of the evils of “gay culture” and how my employees presence would end my marriage and slowly corrupt my “sexual appetite”. I never fired him, but he only worked for me a few months before he moved away.
I suffer from anxiety and depression. I’m type two bipolar. I knew some of that at the time. When I turned 30, I began drinking alcohol. It calmed me. It made me happy. Yes. I’ve had bad times drinking but it was a way to make me feel normal. I’d say from 30 to 38, I wasn’t as hardcore a Christian as I was in my 20s. I justified drinking and rarely attended church due to guilt.
I decided to go to college in 2010. My English Comp 1 instructor was openly atheist and gay. At this point I had all of the judgement of my hardcore beliefs but no reason to have them. It’s something I still struggle with at times. He really made me think about what I read in a way I never had.
Another instructor was an amazing world civ teacher. She was a believer but she would show the class the story of Noah and in the same sentence, talk about similar stories written long before the book of genesis. She also made me think about evolution. How we are still evolving. Because of this, I decided to do my own research. I talked to my wife about things I was learning. It was at this point, I started reading the Bible more and praying more. I kept asking God to help me prove he was real. That he was there. No answer.
It took about a year and a family emergency to ultimately come to the decision that everything I ever believed was wrong. Religion is a hoax. The Christian God and Jesus were made up. At some point, I changed my religious status to atheist. I lost 13 “friends” on Facebook. Many were friends I knew from the various churches I had attended. The rest were those I considered close. There were two who kept me as a friend but I had to unfriend them. One was a militant catholic who challenged anything I said because my opinions are invalid due to my non belief, and I never talk religion on my page, it was mostly political things. The other was the person who originally “brought me to the lord”. He has become a pathetic, predatory, sadistic sociopath over the years. He puts on a persona of moral Christian while having a secret life preying on women who are intellectually weak and vulnerable. He would make passive pokes at me and message me about his concerns. I had to unfriend him because he claimed my son would commit suicide because atheists have no morals or joy.
I’ve been atheist for over three years now. I’ve been happier than ever. I care about people more than ever. I want to show people I’m not an evil person. If I’m asked if I’m a believer, I’ll say no. I’m not afraid to say it. However, I’m not an activist and I’m not one to be public about my non belief. When people find out they’re always shocked. Hopefully I can change the preconceived notions about atheism for someone.
It is now Sunday night, 8:15pm and the wind has just started howling. A couple of momentary power outages at the Spook house, but it came right back. The storm is down to a category 2 now, I believe, but it’s just still just freaking HUGE.
It’s too dark to take video to show anyone and it’s too early to go to bed.
Guess I’ll spend the rest of my awake time infesting social media, mostly participating the minute by minute hurricane status updates with my Florida friends on Facebook.
Lmfao one of my “friends” on Facebook just went on an essay-long tirade defending ewdiepie because it was “just one slur” and “people do it all the time when they’re mad” and “we’ve got more problems to deal with”.
I mourn for the giant step backwards in time we’ve taken as a nation.
I mourn for the planet that will now suffer greatly under the regime of a man who thinks global warming is a hoax, and holds significant stock in two companies directly funding the Dakota Pipeline project.
I mourn for the people I love in the LGBTQ community that no longer feel as safe or accepted. I’m truly baffled that after a year of so much progress for LGBTQ rights we’ve elected a man who has pledged to sign a bill making discrimination against this community legal.
I mourn for minorities; for the families that will be torn apart by "the wall”; and for those that no longer feel safe in their own skin because a man endorsed by the KKK is now your president. I can’t do much as an individual but I will stand with you in the face of the injustices to come.
I mourn for religious freedom as this term is about to have a very narrow meaning. I never thought America would have put a man in power that would call for a “total shutdown of muslims”. I thought we’d learned something from the last time someone tried to shut down an entire religion.
I mourn for my fellow women. I can’t comprehend that we’ve taken that creep on the street that won’t take no for an answer and put him in charge of our country (and our bodies with the policies he’s got in mind).
I mourn for foreign affairs and the chaos that will ensue under the leadership of a man who can’t seem to understand the word “no”; or that imitating the people you’re negotiating with isn’t appropriate.
I mourn for the national debt. Trump may be successful at the moment but let’s not forget this was achieved through trial and error. These errors include a number of bankruptcies. Running a country is different than running a business and we don’t have room for trial and error.
In the land of the brave, we allowed fear to win.
I’m not trying to bash you if you voted for Trump. You’re entitled to your opinion, and I am simply sharing mine. I may not understand your reasoning but I ask that you respect my time of mourning and refrain from any negative comments if you would.“
If we’re not careful, “Anonymous”, will be the group we remember and honor in years to come, rather than the amazing Black leaders in Ferguson, fighting for their communities, fighting for the lives of young people–growing a movement. Also, the many Black youth who have shown up in solidarity, taking on the same risks to do so, because police brutality and state violence is not a theory for them–the struggle is everywhere. Much respect to all who work in solidarity.
Over the past couple of hours, I keep getting this intermittent swell of joy that expresses itself in tears. This joy doesn’t come with the knowledge that I will someday be able to marry the person I love, if I so choose. It comes with every incoming text message I receive from a friend celebrating today’s decision.
This is not a victory for gay people. This is a victory for every person who has ever listened to a friend or family member crying as they came out to them; for every person who has made a friend/family member feel loved exactly as they are; for every person who has stood up for the LGBTQ population when they’ve heard a discriminatory remark; for every person who has come to the freeing realization that they, themselves, are better off when the people around them feel loved.
This is a victory for people who love people. And if you look at history, you realize that this is just another in a long line of victories for all of us. We still have a ways to go, but today we can celebrate that love wins.
Right now, I can see the faces of every single person who has loved me well throughout my journey to love myself. In my mind, we are all standing together and looking around into each others’ eyes, and no one can stop smiling.
My friend Ben’s status on Facebook today
I remember serving alongside him in ministry. I remember when he thought he needed to leave the church in order to be himself. I remember sitting across from him and hearing how he went to counseling hoping that they could change his same-sex attraction. I remember the way he described his decision to no longer let fear and shame control his life. And now I will remember this day and the peace and joy that justice brings. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all this day means. We now have something so worthy of celebration this July 4th.
when i was in 8th grade i was one of those girls who was Fake married to her best friend on facebook and now im a lesbian and my relationship status is in a relationship with my Actual Girlfriend what kind of character development