my friend the chicken

anonymous asked:

Honestly? I tried to jump out of a car because a friend left my BBQ chicken pizza behind once. I spent 20 dollars on that pizza and despite there being only 2 slices left I was willing to risk my life for it. Anything for the 'Za!

There is zero context for this and and that makes it so much better

why you should all consider getting chickens
  • a small backyard, a decent fence and the will to make a safe coop for your fluffy dames is all you need to make it happen
  • they will eat your vegetable scraps and gobble down pretty much any kind of food waste, turning discarded crusts and mushy fruit into big fat eggs full of protein!
  • and depending on which breed you buy, they will lay an egg almost every day. free, nutritious food every morning! what other pet will do that?
  • it’s a misconception that eating eggs is inherently cruel, or that you need a rooster for your chickens to lay eggs! all the eggs you buy in supermarkets are unfertilised, which means there is no chance of that egg ever hatching. you’re not eating a potential life, your chickens will lay eggs regardless of whether there’s a rooster around
  • so only buy a rooster to go with your lovely ladies if you want baby chicks - otherwise, just get some girls and enjoy those omelettes!
  • the way cage egg farms are run is terrible, and you can’t always be sure that a free range farm is as idyllic as the picture you see on the carton. lots of sad chookies who can’t perch or scratch or eat grass and clean themselves. :( 
  • this way, you will always be certain that your girls are happy, healthy, doing what chicken are meant to do and eating what chickens should be eating, which means bigger and better eggs for you!
  • you can give eggs to your friends! give eggs to strangers! eggs for everyone!
  • tiny and furious lawnmowers. chickens LOVE grass, especially clover. if you have a small backyard, they will do all the work of keeping the grass trimmed. 
  • a caution, pls buy your chicken a friend - they will get lonely if you only buy one. my friend had two chickens and one died, leaving Gizmo all alone. she got depressed and stopped laying, so they put her in the rabbit hutch. now she has a best friend bunny called Jimmy and she’s very happy! she often sits on him and purrs.
  • chickens are good around most other pets - cats and chickens usually regard each other with mutual indifference and disdain, but they generally bond with dogs. however, if you know your pooch or kitty is particularly aggressive, make sure you check it won’t be a problem!
  • scratch scratch scratch, scratch party!!
  • one time I was cleaning out the stables and my chicken came over, saw that I was using a big rake and went !!!! scratch time!!! and she started scratching furiously next to me like she was trying to help
  • they’re very clean animals and will clean themselves every day with a dust bath and a thorough preening
  • when it starts raining it takes them a good 10 seconds to process what’s happening, then they RUN to shelter
  • gloriously stupid tiny velociraptor running
  • peck peck peck. is food? I check! peck. not food!
  • rip all snails and slugs that live in your garden
  • they will also go after mice and spiders
  • chicken poop is great fertiliser! when you clean out their coop, spread the poo on your garden and watch your flowers and veggies grow!
  • kiddos LOVE chickens!!
  • seriously, looking after chickens is a great job for little kids - any little fella can fill up their water and give them some food, and collecting a warm, fresh egg every morning is so rewarding for them!!! 
  • hours of entertainment watching their antics
  • some (not all) like a cuddle! the ladies will let you know what their preference is. they may also gently peck and groom you because they love you.
  • you can give them fancy names like lottie, ethel and lady beatrice so it sounds like they’re a supporting cast in a Jane Austen novel
  • in conclusion give a pretty chicken a happy home today

happy holigays!! ! ! spreading some christmas queer!!! am i right!!!

this is an old comic idea and its rushed but im ok w this! i hope you all are also! marceline is garbage at dealing with crushes but thats ok so am i!!ย 

have a good holiday, buds!!!ย 

(dialogue under the cut!)

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Day6 As Things My Non-Kpop Friend Has Said About Them
  • Jae: "HE LOOKS LIKE CHICKEN LITTLE HAD THE GREATEST GLO UP OF ALL TIME"
  • Sungjin: "Okay but he totally has that "ruthless businessman who's super cute and devoted around his pretty wife" vibe"
  • Young K: "I would date the shit out of him holy crap he's hot AND he looks like he would treat me right"
  • Wonpil: "He's so hot wtf if he smiled and asked me to sell him my soul I would just give it to him for free"
  • Dowoon: "I feel like he has girls falling at his feet but he doesn't care and just loves his dog."

Taeyong: No chicken nuggets for dinner

*a few minutes later*

Taeyong: Do you like my shirt?

Jaehyun: I’ll like your shirt if you buy me chicken nuggets

  • Nick: Do you ever make a roast dinner at your house... in LA?
  • Harry: I have done, yeah.
  • Nick: I tried to do that once in your home, and you had no pans, like no cooking stuff!
  • Harry: I've got more pans now.
  • Nick: Me and my friend- our friend Remi we were like 'Oh! Let's buy him a chicken, we'll get him some roast potatoes!'
  • Harry: Well I've got some pans now.
  • Nick: You've got pans now. Well congrats on that. A new single, new pans! You're a new man, Harry!

“This is Normal”

I already posted this with a group of other chicken art, but perhaps Dragon With Chicken On Head needs its own post.

Everyone needs a friend, and chickens are very good friends.

Inspired by my very own chickens, a few of which would like nothing more than to ride around on my head, despite being very large grown hens. And no worries; chickens respect dragons more than they do people. While my girls might not hesitate to let fly while perched upon me, they don’t do any such thing to dragons.

Ink and watercolor.

the main characters of the lego batman movie as things ive done this year
  • batman: impulsively bought a set of three pairs of underwear at H&M solely because one pair had the batman logo on the butt
  • robin: cried for ten minutes after watching a video of special needs cats getting adopted
  • joker: got drunk at a party, yelled "My mom would be so disappointed in me!" and immediately continued drinking
  • barbara: told my friend they were grounded because they ate one of my chicken nuggets
  • alfred: deep cleaned my entire room because i found one (1) shirt i never wear anymore under my bed
heartthrob pt 2 | (M)

Heartthrob (n): One who is considered pleasing to the senses, often resulting in increased respiration, increased circulation to the face, and a noticeable โ€œpoundingโ€ in the chest.

genre: fluff, angst, smut, fuckboy!hoseok au, college au.

ahh, finally! this took 5 days omg. shout out to @amazon-bookwormโ€‹, my lovely editor :โ€™) also tagging a couple thirsty hoes; @dailydoseofdiaโ€‹, @lostinbangtanโ€‹, @minyooengiโ€‹, @jimins-a-twatโ€‹, @cutiepiebtsโ€‹, @jimin-beanโ€‹, @war-of-hormoanโ€‹, @jiminniemouseโ€‹, @onepercentttโ€‹, @we-go-hard-in-the-coffeehouseโ€‹ @pjimnsโ€ฆ I think thatโ€™s everyone??

part 1ย |ย drabbles

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ike: literally one of the most elaborate , and well-written characters in the entire Fire Emblem franchise. Gets extreme character development throughout his two games, and has a realistic and complex personality.


some of y'all: dumbs him down to chicken nuggets and “i fight for my friends”, completely ignoring what an amazing character he really is.

Hetalia Characters as things that I/My friends have said

America: The chicken wing place just sent me a birthday coupon. It’s not actually a thing they do I told a waitress that it was my birthday and I go there so much they sent me one. I guess this is my life now.

England: I had to wake up early and forgot my tea so don’t talk to me unless you want to go to the ER with a pencil lodged up you nose

France: *horrible french accent* Bonjer mez ames how are you aujourd’ooey? Je m’apple red stylo

Russia: Russia doesn’t start with an A you f#cking f#ck now snow beasts are going to kill you for your disobedience to the dark lord Putin.

China: Behold; power of the mom friend *Pulls two umbrellas out of backpack*

Germany: Why am I only friends with the annoying people you guys suck. I love you, but you suck don’T TOUCH ME.

Italy: What do you mean I can’t make pasta for breakfast? It’s like basically toast.

Japan: My only true allies are cats and sushi.

Spain: I spained my ankle it’s quite spainful

Romano: Sorry not sorry I maybe told my parents you were gay for each other so suck it