my friend takes wonderful pictures

Modeling is definitely one of those “endeavors outside of music” she’s been working on

Guys I just want to be thin enough to feel good and wear cute outfits why is it sO DIFFICULT

So I took some photos yesterday to send in for an extras casting I hope with all my heart that I get.

And I decided to share them with you all because I didn’t think I could look this great. Special thanks to ittybittymanatee (you know why <3).

I’m just a bit overwhelmed with the positive feedback combined with my own feelings because wow wow wow.

I’ve already said it before but I’ll say it again: I don’t really have a lot of body confidence. I was a mess not even two hours before these photos were taken because I had to try on suits so I could buy one and nothing was fitting because of my body shape. There was always something wrong with how the clothes fit and I, like always, took it to mean that there was something wrong with me and my body.

It was my fault that the clothes didn’t fit the way they were supposed to fit.

It’s my fault they never fit me right.

I go through the same thing trying on fancy dresses. I can’t get the dress I like because it’s too big up top and will never be able to get taken in enough to not look weird. Or it’s too small at the hip and won’t ever fit over my ass. It’s my fault for being shaped so poorly- small boobs that stay the same size no matter how much weight I gain and hips that never go under 40 inches no matter how much weight I lose. It’s why I stick to jeans and T-shirts about 98% of the time for my wardrobe- they’re what I’m most comfortable in and I can’t disappoint myself. They work around my shape but I didn’t get to use them for this shoot so I was nervous.

Well, I got my photos taken by my friend, Tela at her place. She told me wonderful things while taking my pictures and even if I didn’t believe her, I still tried my best to do this right. Then we sent all the photos to ittybittymanatee to look over and pick out what she thought were best to send for the casting call.

What she sent back made me speechless. 

I’m choked up in a way I didn’t expect to be.

I look so good in these photos to the point I can’t even believe that it’s me. I look happy and myself in some, I look fierce and confident in others.

It’s pretty mindblowing because this is a me I don’t get to see but this is the me that my friends say they see.

So thank you to my two lovely ladies who helped me with my photos and helped me gain some perspective about myself.

Here’s hoping I get cast! Wish me luck! :D


My life so far has been mostly practice, practice, practice. I have stage fright, but it’s worth it to see other people smiling back.

Olivia taken at Anime North 2015!

Fans see a hickey on either him or you!

Michael: The two of you were out for your normal Friday dinner. While waiting to order you clutched on to his arm and snuggled your body into his side. A tap on Michael’s shoulder broke the embrace you were sharing with him. “Hi I’m sorry to interrupt but my friend and I were wondering if I could take a picture with both of you?” A smile broke onto Mikey’s face seeing his fans, his happiness made you smile. “Of course!” You and Michael said at the same time. After the first girl finished taking her picture she and her friend pointed to underneath Mikey’s ear. “Michael?? Did (Y/N) give you a hickey?” They asked laughing. His hand flew to his ear out of embarrassment. “Oh man (Y/N) got him good.” They laughed at the embarrassed couple. “Are you able to see it in the picture?” You asked. “Only if you know it’s a hickey, otherwise it just looks like a shadow.” They explained.

Ashton: Purple and red bruises were left scattered around your neck and collar bones. “Asshhttoooon” you moaned out annoyed, “Yeeesss?” He said mocking your tone waltzing into your shared bathroom. “Look what you did! How are we suppose to go to the airport like this? There are gonna be fans there and I can’t handle what they will say.” You said cuddling up to Ashton’s firm chest. His large hands rubbed vertical motions on your back. “Just put makeup on it or you can wear a sweater.” He suggested. “Ugh I guess I’ll try the make up all I brought were v-necks and shorts.” You said looking up to him making eye contact. “I’d say I’m sorry but in not. When it comes to you, no one can keep me off of you.” He said kissing you. The makeup hid about seventy five percent of the evidence. Once you arrived at the airport Ashton firmly gripped your hand in his. The crowd of girls was like normal until one girl saw his love bites on you. That one girl started a whole train of girls pointing at it. “Ashton I told you this would happen.” You said digging your body into his. The security guards wouldn’t let the boys talk to the fans so Ash quickly tweeted out, “To the fans who are embarrassing (Y/N) please stop. Love you all”

Calum: It seemed harmless, just a day at pool with Calum until you heard many camera clicks taking pictures of you two. Like normal, you ignored it. While you and Cal were just tanning, enjoying the gorgeous weather you decided to check twitter. “Um? Cal? Check what is trending on twitter.” You said urging him to check his phone. His eyes were bug eyed. “Damn it. I thought they couldn’t see it from where they were at. Let’s go back inside, we’ve been out here for long enough anyways.” While walking back up to the hotel lobby your hand covered the dark purple hickey on your collarbone. Many of the tweets being directed towards you were saying things like “is that a hickey?” “Is she okay?” “I hope Calum is the one who gave it to her” “Is something wrong with her skin? Or something?”. You and Calum both decided to clear up the issue by confirming it. His tweet read, “Yes, that is a hickey. Yes I did that.” With the photo attached to it.

Luke: Just like all of the shows you sat behind the curtains to support your boyfriend and his band mates. “Lucas! What is that on your neck?” Michael pointed out walking over to him. “Oooh Lukey has a hickey” Calum teased him. Luke’s blue eyes practically popped out of his head while his hand flew to his neck to cover the love bite. “There is no point in hiding it now, everyone’s seen it!” Ashton said behind his drum set. “God (Y/N) gonna kill me.” He said into the mic. “Looks like she already has from the size and color of that.” Calum said laughing.

Sorry this got really ran out and I didn’t have many ideas.