my feels are high right now

Progress will be slow/smol haitus

(But i will be streaming on picarto every so often)

Dont worry its ok, i will just be working on other things. including my heath. which is why im writing this to you right now. Just recently, i experienced a high, very high case of Atrial Flutter. Simply, Heart Flutter (Palpitation) 

I managed to get through it with the help of @mcfudgie. But i could feel the lingering pain afterwards. taking a few hours to get my bearings. My heart is in a pretty bad condition, and at the rate this is going. Im not going to last long. 

I apologize for not being able to dish out content like i used to. An’ due to my explanation, its going to be a little harder. I would really appreciate the help. If you guys could be so kind as to spread this news around it would mean a lot. 

My Art/Audio Commissions are Open, please feel free to contact me for details

anonymous asked:

I really feel bad for Andrew Garfield. Maybe he wasn't my favorite live-action Spidey/Peter Parker (that would be Tom's portrayal), but a lot of that had to do with how he was written. While I believe that he wasn't right to play a high-school aged Peter Parker, I DO think that he would've been perfect to play a college-aged, older, more experienced Peter Parker. But it just never happened that way.

Dude, that is exactly how I feel. 

Andrew was too old to portray a highschooler, it just didn’t work very well. But the sass he used as Spidey, and his relationship with Aunt May were both on point and I loved that with the TASM movies. 

I didn’t like Toby’s Spider-Man at all, so Andrew’s movies were the first Spidey films I got really excited about, and he did help jump-start the character and help bring him back from the whinny thing Toby protrayed him as.  

I feel bad that Andrew just got thrown away, that wasn’t cool whatsoever, and I would have loved to see where they would have taken Peter’s character development now that Gwen had died.  

It wasn’t fair to Andrew at all, and I felt horrible for him when I first heard the news. 

But I do understand Marvel going with another Spidey, and honestly they couldn’t have cast better, Tom is an amazing Peter, and they finally made a Spider-Man movie I could really get behind. 

(On the bright side, now Andrew (a huge Spidey fan himself) can watch Spider-Man movies (since he doesn’t watch his own films) and get to be entertained and excited about it just like us)

I think right now I’m going through some mourning for the relationships I’ve lost over the years. At high school graduation and when I transferred to a different college, I never took the time to realize what losing those people meant and how that would affect me because I was so wrapped up in my illnesses. I frankly didn’t care. But now I do, and I feel really apprehensive about contacting old friends or making new ones, because I just don’t even know what a friendship where both people are healthy looks like. I kept so many secrets from my friends and I lied a lot, both of which aren’t exactly good qualities. I am so nervous to ask people at my new school to actually do things outside of school because what if they say no? What if I’m too boring/stupid/awkward for them? What if history repeats itself and I am a shitty friend? I just feel really lonely. 

Definitely something to talk about in therapy today. 

anonymous asked:

I'm 25 and have been playing the cello (with dedicated practice and a great teacher) for a year. I had prior music experience throughout grade and high school. I'm a returning student just getting started on a BA in Mathematics/Economics. Do you think it'd be stupid to attempt a minor in Music even though it doesn't "go" with my major and my experience is a bit lacking? I really love music and I feel like I will be kicking myself in 10 years if I don't take the opportunity to study it formally.

Honestly: go for it. I don’t think it’s stupid at all.

Obviously, you’d have to meet whatever requirements to be a music minor (depends on your university if you have to audition or not), but I see nothing wrong with that at all. I knew a girl who was a physics major and music minor, someone who was a nursing major and music history minor, and someone who was a jazz major and a geology minor. If anything, I think it will make your resume look more impressive (i.e. a wide range of skills). I doubt there will be any negative impact other than eating up a bit of your time.

And, if you don’t want to commit to the minor, you can always just…. take the classes anyways. Lol. Tell us what you end up deciding to do!

Love from Coco

some self-care/mental health tips for the upcoming school year

with school coming soon or already starting for some people i figured i’d share some of my tips for a healthier lifestyle. i know in the past i’ve struggled so much with being good to myself once school starts, both mentally, emotionally, and physically!

keep a clean room 

i know how hard this is. i’m absolutely awful at it, even in the summer but it really makes the biggest difference. coming home to a mess when your life is already stressful and messy enough just makes things worse. i know when i have a clean space i’m way more productive and at peace with my situation.

take a break from social media

just doing this every once in awhile makes the hugest difference. social media is a wonderful world but it’s easy to get caught up in how everyone is doing things without you or having more fun or how someone’s prettier or whatever. it’s not worth it. i’ve learned that just deleting the apps for even a few hours can make my mental state 10x better. it’s important to realize that while people are out doing things all the time, you can never be as fun as all the 162 people you follow combined.

don’t be afraid to invite people out

one of the biggest things i struggle with is being social, simply because i overthink inviting people to do things with me too much and just wait to be invited by someone else instead. remember that even if someone says they can’t do something, it’s not the end of the world. at least you opened up a possibility!!! by being someone who invites others to do things, people will feel more appreciated and like you actually want to hang out with them! but also always save time for yourself as well!

create a self-care routine with motivation

by giving yourself some type of reward to wash your face, brush your teeth and shower, such as only watching your favorite tv show afterwards, it will feel a bit easier to accomplish the tasks that seem simple but can be terribly hard, especially if you suffer from depression. i’ve learned that combining things into one task also makes it easier, such as once you get in the shower, do everything. wash your face, brush your teeth, shave, all in the shower. it makes self-care so much easier.

get outside, stay out of bed

laying in bed is the best thing ever, i know, but it can be so easy to get in there and never get out. this is my biggest bad habit. i feel more productive even just sitting on the couch. my bed is like a black hole of lost motivation. go outside for twenty minutes a day if you can. sunlight makes things a little better and staying inside all day does nothing for you.

do one thing that scares you everyday, big or small.

i’m someone who has struggled with social anxiety for years now, but i’m slowly getting better because i’m making a conscious (and very terrifying effort) everyday. this won’t work for everyone, i know, but it’s helped me a little bit. i try to challenge myself everyday to do one thing that scares me, whether it’s asking someone to do something after school or agreeing to get coffee with a friend you’re not super close to yet, or even just making conversation with someone next to me in class. don’t push yourself too far but don’t make zero effort either.

cut the negative language/mindset

anytime you have a negative thought find a reverse positive. even saying “i’m not happy with how my hair looks but my ass looks great in these jeans” is better than saying “i look awful today”. stop the constant internal bullying! think of it this way, if your best friend said the things you say to yourself, how would you feel? you’re your own best friend, so cut the shit! compliment yourself like you do your best friend. complimenting myself and finding things i find beautiful on my own body even once a day has increased my confidence exponentially. a negative language towards yourself leads to a negative mindset.

find someone who motivates you

if you need motivation to work out, study, anything, find a buddy. having someone to do things with and hold you accountable makes a world of difference. this summer i got together with a friend and made a deal that we would work out 2-3 times a week. it worked so much better than if i had just made that goal for myself because she was always there to text me to ask to workout when we needed to but i lacked the desire. and i did the same for her. now we actually both got a job at a gym together this fall and are working out consistently because we have that mutual  accountability with each other! plus just having someone you enjoy seeing makes doing the hard task more fun!

accept your individuality

you don’t need to look like society’s ideal of beautiful. there’s millions of types of flowers, and just because one kind is pretty to someone, does that make all the others ugly? no. there’s tons of species of dogs too and they all look totally different. is a poodle ugly just because a golden retriever is cute? NO. your individuality is you. everyone is beautiful in the very own unique way. don’t try to look like someone ellse. your beauty is not measured by how perfect your features are. 

drink some fucking water

and eat some food too

understand that a bad week doesn’t mean a bad life

we’re all going to go through those weird ass time periods where it feels like everything sucks and nothing can go right. accept that although it’s pretty bad right now, it won’t be forever. 

good luck with this school year everyone! hope my tips help even just one person. take care of yourselves, kiddos.

little reputation things™
  • *ahem*
  • BUMMM BUMM BUM BUMMMM BUMM BUMM KNEW HE WAS A KILLA
  • i i i i  see how this is gon go
  • “but if i’m a thief then he can join the heist”
  • baby let the games begin! let the games begin! ahAH AHHHHHHHH
  • GETTING .5 SECONDS INTO END GAME AND UNDERSTANDING WHY THE ALBUM IS CALLED REPUTATION
  • ahHHH and ya heard about me”
  • ed sheeran rapping on a taylor swift song
  • “i swear i don’t love the drama IT LOVES ME”
  • ed in the background of the last chorus: “be yoUR A TEAM NOW”
  • the string plucky things in the beginning of i did something bad
  • “if a man talks shit then i owe him nothing”
  • THEN WHY’S IT FEEL SO BANG BANG GOOD BANG BANG GOOD
  • “and i’d do it over and over and over again if iiiii could”
  • RAH DI DI DI DI DI DI DI DI DI DAHHHHH 
  • “they’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one”
  • taylor apparently wanting to be set on fire
  • ((agreed))
  • the harmonies on this album filling my entire soul
  • “oHHH LORD SAVE ME MY DRUG IS MY BABY I’LL BE USING FOR THE REST OF MY LIIIIIIIIFE” aka the only prayer i’ll ever say again
  • i get so high OH… trip of my life OH
  • the way she sings “using for the rest of my life oHH OH OH OHHH” after the bridge damn son
  • “my reputation’s never been worse so he must like me for me”
  • taylor finally discovering alcohol
  • the way she says “coz i know that it’s delicate” so…. delicately
  • how delicate feels like a rain shower in a desert
  • :) i :) don’t :) like :) your :) little :) games :)
  • OH look what you made me do
  • “i don’t like your kingdom keys, they once belonged to me”
  • “i’m sorry the old taylor can’t come to the phone right now. why? oh! BECAUSE SHE’S DEAD” is singlehandedly the most iconic thing i have ever and will ever hear.
  • so it goes being chill and then the chORUS AND ALL THE PIECES FALL!!! RIGHT INTO PLACE!!!
  • ;) scratches ;) down ;) your ;) back ;) now ;)
  • o n e  t w o  t h r e e
  • how getaway car is the only song i ever want to hear ever again
  • WE NEVER HAD A SHOTGUN SHOT IN THE DARK
  • think about the place where you first met me
  • “there were sirens in the beat of your heart”
  • the way she says getaway
  • the chorus of this song feeling like driving down a highway with the windows rolled down in the middle of the night
  • GO! GO! GO!
  • being part of a heist, leaving money in a bag in a shady motel, stealing keys and getting tf out in her getaway car. zoom zoom bitch.
  • COS NOTHING GOOD STARTS IN A GETAWAY CAR
  • “all the boys in their expensive cars, the range rovers and jaguars never took me quite where you do” calvin harris WHOM
  • the drums in king of my heart are more important than my need to breathe
  • “your love is a secret i’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep”
  • ~up on the roof with a school girl crussshhhh drinking beer outta plastic cupsssss~
  • i’ll never let you goOOO
  • but we were dancing BASS DROP dancing with our hANDS TIED, HANDS TIED
  • “oh baby can we dance, through an avalanche?”
  • “swaying as the room burnt down, i’d hold you as the water rushes in” …. “so i punched a hole in the roof, let the flood carry away all my pictures” ….. h e c k
  • fiRST TIME FIRST TIIIIMEE OH 
  • how dress is literally an orgasm turned into a song and i’m… into it
  • take it oH OH OH OH OFFFF
  • “carve your name into my bedpost”
  • “but if i get burnt at least we were electrified”
  • wildest dreams who???
  • “and i woke up just in time, now i wake up by your side”
  • say my name and everything just stops -EVERYTHING STOPS-
  • THE ALARM BELLS IN THE BEGINNING OF NICE THINGS
  • ra’lin’ the chandilier
  • THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE! THINGS! DAR!LIN!!!
  • AWaaaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAAY
  • “and therein lies the issue, friends don’t try to trick you, get you on the phone and mind twist you”
  • the sound of shots being fired from every possible angle
  • if only you weren’t…. so shadyyyyy :)
  • they don’t care about the HE SAID SHE SAID
  • the way she says “and here’s to my baaabyyy
  • the organ?? piano???? during “and hereeee’s to youuu…” oh my god
  • CACKLE “I CAN’T EVEN SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE”
  • her voice at the end when she just says “nice things” 
  • her world crumbling around her and that’s just fine?? because of joe???? i wasn’t ready 
  • I’M THE ONE HE’S WALKING TOOOOOOO
  • “loves me like i’m brand new”
  • “all my flowers grew back as thorns” …. “all the flowers that we’d grown together died of thirst” again…. clean WHOM
  • I’M DOIN BETTER THAN I EVER WAASSSS
  • i’m laughing with my lover makin forts under covers trust him like a brother yeah you know i did one thing right
  • not because he owns me but cos he really knows me. which is more than they can say.
  • “you don’t need to save me, but would you run away with me?” “yes.” :’)
  • call it what you want is the lightest, softest pink sunrise seen from the window of a peaceful airplane in the early morning of a good day
  • how we went from pop anthems to??? i’m bawling in a sea of tissues on my bedroom floor at two in the morning and new year’s day is the most beautiful song i’ve ever heard??? 
  • it’s just a guitar and a piano and she’s harmonizing with herself
  • “don’t read the last page, but i stay”
  • “i want your midnights, and i’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on new year’s day”
  • “i can tell that it’s gonna be a long road” as in she knows that even if it’ll be a long road they’ll always be together don’t TOUCH me
  • hold on to the memories, they will hold onto you
  • hold on to the memories, they will hold onto you
  • hold on to the memories, they will hold onto you
  • and i will hold onto you
  • “please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize anywhere”
  • oh cool my heart’s shattered into a million pieces this is fine thanks
  • how there’s ten seconds of silence at the end of new year’s day because you bet your ass i need recovery time before the album starts over again and i gotta get back to boppin’
  • BUMMM BUMM BUMM BUMMMM BUMM BUMM KNEW HE WAS A KILLA 
  • ((they were not ready for it))
2

“I don’t know that Jake feels this way, I know people feel I don’t give Jake enough credit. I will tell you right now that he wrote the funniest line in the entire movie. And he came- and he said, ‘I wanna try another take of this where Elias lets me in and when he says, You dont smoke, do you? I’m gonna say to him- I’mma- just watch what I’m gonna do. And he walked in and Elias says, ‘You don’t smoke, do you?’’ and he said, “Once. In high school.’ And I almost fell outta my chair, it was- cos it’s such a perfect epitomising [sic] of who this guy is. That when he talks to authority figures he- he immediately has to tell the truth. He’s compelled to tell them - even though it’s something that he’s embarrassed about or he feels in - and it’s actually the funniest line in the movie.”

- David Fincher, Director’s Commentary, Zodiac (2007)

[!]

hey guys! as you know, my country (Mexico) is going through a really hard time and help is being needed more and more, it’s getting worse

I feel so frustrated because I can’t help as much as I want, all I can do is share information but I feel like it’s not enough. I can’t go to help because I have been feeling sick lately and far from helping is hinder everyone’s work, my family doesn’t have enough money and resources to donate so I’m asking for your help today

I have been researching all morning and this is what I’m going to do:

Please donate anything you can to my paypal, with the money I can gather I will buy medicine, medical stuff (it’s really needed right now) and food, I’ll send it to a reliable place with people I fully trust from my old high school. I don’t know if you’ve heard or seen but our own shitty government is stealing the donatives to redistribute them for political campaigns so we can’t even trust them.

I will take photo proof of everything, the purchases so you can see the money is fully destined to it; if you’ve been following me for awhile you know I wouldn’t lie about this or make a fraud, it’s the first time ever I ask for your help and I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t so necessary

this is my paypal: allthxtmattersx@hotmail.com or paypal.me/tahyungs

please don’t ignore this, even if you can’t help please reblog this, that helps me a lot 💖

guys if you donate just 1 or 2 dollars that’d be amazing, I promise you it will make a difference. 1 dollar is around 20 pesos, if I can collect 100 or 200 we will save so many lives

INTJ Problem #50

Fun fact! It’s not that INTJ’s don’t have feelings, we just overwhelmingly feel these feelings inside our head, which makes them feel very intense and very awkward and painful to outwardly express. What do we do? Bottle those bitches up! 

Originally posted by iced-cfvy

donthugmeimweird  asked:

Hello I'm a young aspiring artist that just started high school and I want to be an animator. Lately I've been stressing my self about how good I am and if I'm going the right path to be where I want to be. I get so worried about the future and if I'll be able to achieve my goals enough or on time I know this is long and your a busy person so please don't answer this if you don't want to. But do you have any advice at all anything will be appreciated thanks so much

The trouble is, even when you’ve ‘made it’ and you’re a working professional that feeling doesn’t go away! It turns into “oh god I’m a hack, they just haven’t seen it yet” or “im not good enough to be here”. The difference is, pros have these feelings and they keep drawing. When I was in high school I had the lowest self esteem but I kept drawing and striving for my goals because it was better than doing my homework. (haha I was an awful student. dont be me)

Also, there’s no such thing as “achieving goals on time”. Everyone has a different path. Yes, art school > internship > job is the path everyone obsesses about but it’s not the only way in. I have friends who didn’t work in animation until their 30s, and honestly it made their work more interesting and beautiful! I have a friend who never finished high school and lived out of a car for two years while stacking produce at a corner store. Now he’s an award winning Character Designer! One of my heroes never went to college and just pestered people until someone gave him a job. It’s all persistence, and maybe that’s why this job isn’t for everyone because that shit is HARD. When you’re feeling great, keep drawing. When you’re feeling bad, keep drawing. That’s how you know if you’re on the right path, if you can persist even when you’re at your lowest point. 

I’m sorry this advice isn’t very practical outside of “keep it up”. But that’s all you can do, that’s all I’ve ever done, and that’s all we have to keep doing. Good luck on your journey! 

Broken Heart

Originally posted by jeffatkinsimagines

The music was blaring loudly from the large speakers in the gym, lights flickering back and forth between different colors of the spectrum, the smell of punch lingered in the air mixed with alcohol that some students had managed to sneak in.

(Y/N) sat on the bleachers with her head down, looking at her short and shiny black heels that were beginning to make her feet ache. Reaching down, she took them off and wiggled her toes for a moment before sighed and leaning back against the bleacher behind her.

Keep reading

Sometimes, I wonder if you reached out to me right now, pleading for me back, what I would do.
I can’t help but wonder if I’d let you back in. I wonder if I’d fall to your feet. I wonder if I’d break down just for the possibility that you could make me feel good again. I wonder how much it’d take for me to come rushing back to you.
I can’t help but wonder if I’d be prideful. I wonder if I’d ignore you and keep my head held high, just to satisfy my hunger to hurt you like you hurt me. Even though I’d be the one who’d end up crying at the end of the night.
But no matter what I would do, it doesn’t matter.
You don’t want me back.
—  v.m -i miss you
Black Girl, NYC

Greetings people. I identify as a Black female who was born and raised in NYC. I am slowly progressing through my study of education and history in college. Other then that, I spend (probably) an unhealthy amount of time reading and writing sci fi and fantasy. But by high school, I got sick and tired of the same story featuring blonds and brunettes saving the day with their straight, lean male heroes so I turned to my librarian seeking something new. She pointed to Octavia Butler and the rest was history. I’ve been seeking diversity in media ever since.

Family life and Culture

I grew as the middle child of six siblings with my single mother and grandparents. Yes, my working-class household fits the stereotype. We even have an absent father *sighs* But, hey shit happens. And with the biological father turns out not to be the best father figure, shit had to go right out the door. Yup. But make no mistake that this is a norm. Most households on my block do have both parents involved in their children’s lives. Our circumstances called for us to have one. That’s all.

The house was full, loud and rambunctious. We made up a good portion of the children on the block (unsurprising) and basically ran it. There’s a whole novel that could be fleshed out of my childhood if I wanted to. Our neighborhood is very tight knit. Next door neighbors were treated like Aunts and Uncles. When summer came around, we were sometimes divided into groups as the parents who were off from work overlooked us while braiding our heads. Blackouts became an all night bbq and sleepover on each other’s porches. Crooklyn by Spike Lee was a good representation of what it was like in fact. Somewhat. Minus the brownstones, plus a couple more fights (lol).

My grandma was a nurse who’s pretty big on us knowing our family history. She made sure to talk a lot about our Gullah Geechee roots. We also had some Dominican culture influence since her closest friend and our Madrina was, well, Dominican. But she is fairly strict on gender norms and how my sisters and I should act especially with brothers. She antagonized me the most growing up because I continued to ignore this. We don’t get along but i can’t say i don’t get why she’s the way she is. She has a pretty dark past. My mother, a latchkey kid of the finest stock, is more laid back and gives all of us free range to make our own mistakes. Most times. Other times, she’d rather lecture us. Depends on our crime.

I don’t know what my grandpa used to do. He retired waaaaay before my grandmother. I also don’t know much about his culture. He’s 1st gen Jamaican who fully assimilated into American culture. Well, beside his food choices. Now, he gambles and goes to church. When I was younger, he used to teach us how to gamble too. And how to cheat and not get caught. We got a lot of free fast food while he taught us. He has gotten more frugal the older he got. And more isolated.

Dating and Relationships.

I don’t date. I have no interest. Well, no, that’s not exactly true. I’ve considered it but I rather have not seek out anything outside of platonic right now. I have a tight knit circle of friends and several other groups of friends I associate with depending on the activity. I’m realizing it seems like I’m using the term “friends” loosely but I swear I’m not. I’m a virgin and I feel nothing about being one until someone goes “*gasp* You’re a virgin really?” and then I end up on high defense saying “So?” Believe or not, that messed with me a lot.

My love life and lack of interest in having one has always been a struggle. In middle school, the group of friends I hung with were becoming more infatuated with love and sex. Yes, middle school, fifth through eighth grade, ages nine to thirteen. But, when they would talked about who’s hot or not, they would look at me funny when I didn’t join in the discussion. Instead of explaining myself, I simply copied other’s reactions and gushed along with them. This instinct followed me through High school til stopped out of annoyance. I became a listener and adviser in their relationships because I really do love stories in many shapes and forms. And I would never turn down hearing a story.

Language

My primary language is English and AAVE. I’ve been living in a neighborhood filled with Blacks and Latinx. Most of my friends are Black and Lantinx. I didn’t meet a white person my age until college. Okay that’s a partial lie. I’ve been in a summer camp that was made up of predominantly white children. But as the only black kid in my age range, I was sorta uncomfortable. I never made lasting friends there. After High School, I spent a year abroad in Tena, Ecuador where I learned Spanish and Kichwa. I still suck at both languages.

Clothing

Lots of my clothes when I was younger were borrowed or hand-me-downs. Half of them still are. It’s like thrift shopping without the hiked prices thanks to its popularity by rich white people (Thanks rich white people!) All my siblings’ taste varies. In my case, I’m fond of combining loose and tight clothing (tight jeans and a loose sweater/ baggy jeans and a tight top). No makeup. Silver accessories.

I used to have a short bob cut permed. I hated it. But I rather a perm then getting my hair straightened with a hot comb because the back of my neck and big ears would always get burned. It wasn’t until I made a friend with a natural afro that I realized my natural hair was even an option.

Academics

Lol I was a nerd with bad grades.

Religion

My family practices Santeria, which has historical roots in both Catholicism and Yoruba thanks to slavery (Yay slavery!). However, because the religion is not fully accepted or well-known, I tend to say I’m simply Catholic if asked. Apparently, a Black Catholic is hard to believe. It is assumed all Black folks are Baptists or some branch of Christianity. I have no idea where that stereotype came from. But I can give some guess. (*cough cough* Tyler Perry….).  

As I stated before, I love scifi and fantasy. I especially love urban fantasy involving witches. I blame this love on Practical Magic and Eve’s Bayou, my childhood faves. It’s because of this love that I wish to see more stories with witches of color. And no, I don’t mean that one evil/mysterious southern/Caribbean Voodoo/Hoodoo witch hollywood loves to portray so much. That always plays into the “Black is evil” trope. Give me some damn variety!

I would squeal so hard if the mythology involved in a story isn’t even Eurocentric. I’m not joking. This is serious. When my religion was simply hinted at in the Raven Boys series (It was also a great way of making even more obvious that the character was definitely not white.) and Kenya Wright’s Habitat series, I squealed. All the authors did was write the names of some of the Orishas and I couldn’t help but put my phone down for a moment and inwardly scream with glee. That being said, if a writer does decide to use afrocentric or any religion involving “witchcraft” as a basis, I would personally ask that they make sure is is not a closed religion.

Santeria is, in fact, a closed religion. And while I don’t mind mentions of it in fantasy and even a main character stating they practice it, do not go any further than that. Don’t even research the practices within the religion other than what is public knowledge (And if you don’t have any public knowledge, just ask) Respect that there’s a limit. Anything further spelunking  is consider rude, disgusting, disrespectful and dangerous. There’s things that I don’t even know because I haven’t been properly initiated. And the internet has a lot of these practices exposed when it shouldn’t be so please don’t look into it. Please.

Food

Most of the cooking in the house has been done by my grandmother. Because of her various relationships, our food has always been a mixture of Black American, Gullah, Lantinx and Caribbean influences. It is so good. So, so good!

The only thing I don’t eat of hers is her seafood gumbo because I don’t like shellfish. One of my sisters said I should have my “black card” taken for my distaste. I said she could take it if she can name more black movies than me. She still can’t take it. My other sister wishes we could switch places because she loves crab but is allergic. The crazy girl actually sends her husband to buy some benadryl so she can eat some if we ever have some on the table. Smh. Siblings.  

Holidays

My family on both sides are quite fond of reunions. On my grandpa’s side, the family uses Fourth of July and Christmas to get together. On my grandma’s side, they tend to host annual summer reunion and send out RSVP invitations complete with schedules of the whole two to three day event. I didn’t mention this under my family life, but both sides of my family are boujee to different degrees. Lots of black sorors and frats members on both sides. I can’t believe that slipped my mind typing.

I’m a little iffy with Christmas. It’s more of a holiday for the older generation and our niece and nephews. The younger generation, however, don’t particularly care for the holiday. For some of us, it’s because it’s not really Jesus’s Birthday and Santa was whitewashed. For others, it’s because we don’t care to feed into the corporate holiday. For most of us, it’s a combination of the two. But we do love getting together when we can. My older sister and I have conspired to celebrate kwanzaa instead for the past two years. So far, it hasn’t grasped the interest of anyone else in the family.

Struggles

  • Being nerds from a young age, my siblings and I have been called “Oreos” or“Not really black” by kids in school on more than one occasion. We shut them down by fighting. Probably not the best strategy but it was best one I could think of in middle school and below. Made it easier to go back to reading my manga.

  • I got compared to my sisters a lot. It was the absolutely most annoying thing ever. And a major source of my insecurities growing older.

  • Need I address colorism? My highschool was filled with it. #TeamLight v #TeamDark. I was on neither team, because in the region I live, skin color was a pretty long spectrum. I fell in the between. Who came up with this?

  • I’ll admit it. I hate my own tears. They make me feel weak. Which isn’t true…I know. But, it is a mentality I always had. I have depression and PTSD. This isn’t really a secret. I tell people if I’m asked. But have you ever had someone look at you and say, “Really? You don’t seem like the type.” ……

  • I am a black female. I’ve been labelled “Strong” and “Independent” the older I got. By my mother. By my siblings. By my peers. And I get those labels. Even from friends. I loved those labels. I call myself by those labels. I mean, who doesn’t want to be seen as strong and independent? Those are positive affirmations, right? I think they would be. If that wasn’t all the positive labels we could get. Somehow, society has decided we are beings that are incapable of being multifaceted. I was indirectly taught to hate my own tears because black girls don’t cry. You can’t cry and be strong. What a terrible mantra fed to black girl at a young age. So, instead you tell everyone “It’s fine.”

I told my therapist it was fine. Until she told me straight up it was not fine. And it was okay to cry. I don’t like to cry. But I still (involuntarily) did it.

Things I’d like to see less of/Things I’d like to see more of:

  • I’m sick and tired of seeing black and latinx folks being portrayed as only fantasy gangs members. We are not only gang members. That’s a terrible popular myth the media put out there and I hate it even more so when it’s portrayed in SFF genre..

  • I’m tired of having one black person in a novel being described as having skin the color of “midnight.” And he’s (it’s always a he) not even that important to the story

  • I hate how every time someone decides to add a person of color, they have to be ambiguous brown. I’m not saying ambiguously brown don’t exist and don’t need representation but is it really that had for a dark brown skin person to play a major role in a story that’s not about slavery? Speaking of which….

  • Why we always gotta be slaves? Or better yet….

  • Why don’t we exist at all in High fantasy stories? Urban fantasy? Brooklyn wasn’t always the gentrified white town it is now. Still isn’t. How are you erasing people of color from NYC??? We make up way too much of the population to be completely erased

  • Stop racial coding other creatures to surround your white human characters. Especially as the bad guys. That’s just shitty writing. Step up your game!

  • I love Black love

  • I love Gay love. I wish more would follow moonlight’s example and show poc are gay too and gay doesn’t always equal to stereotypical femininity.

  • I love interracial love HOWEVER, can we pair people of color with other people of color as well? I’m starting to hate seeing it always a white person paired with a Poc. Variety damnit!

  • Friendships between boys and girls that don’t transform into love.

  • Friendships between girls that didn’t start out as a rivalry.

  • Different body types besides the skinny and tall. Make a main character that’s fat for once. It’s not a problem.

  • Magical characters of color that aren’t “Noble Savages” or “Wise Monks” that used their magic for personal gain for once instead of waiting for the white hero to come.

  • Nerdy black characters who aren’t 100% competent and cries. One that isn’t in a five token band that always gonna be compare to the white main character. Make the nerd the main character!

That’s all I can think of at the top of my head. But my list really does go on. 

Read more POC Profiles here or submit your own.

Finished ACOWAR and the only real thought I have right now is that Azriel, the infamous spymaster, the badass shadowsinger, my sweet lil’ bby bat, better find the love and happiness he deserves in one of the spinoffs because Azriel ‘Be careful how you speak about my High Lady’ is the real fucking mvp of Prythian

You got a haircut. It looks nice. Although I’ll always love your messy yet neat hair. Oh how I wish I could run my fingers through your beautiful brown hair while smiling at you. To play with your hair as we lay down together, would be amazing right now.
—  haircut // 3:02pm
Just a movie, babe (S.M. smut)

A/N: Okay i actually got myself aroused while writing oh my gawd! its smutty as fuck. ENJOY!


Shawn’s P.O.V.

I unlock the door and open it, and before I can even get a foot in the door I hear Y/n’s voice yelling.

“Shawn! oh thank god” not a second later i see her running towards the door…towards me terror on her face. I drop my jacket and keys so she can run into my arms. “WHAT! Whats the matter babe!?” I ask, panic in my voice. She wraps her arms around my neck and hold her tighter than i’ve ever held anything in my life. 

“I just watched that movie with that psycho hockey player!” she cried out….her face is still hidden my neck but I let go of her waist. My facial expression instantly changes from anxious to blank. 

“Friday the 13th” I correct her. 

“yeaaah. oh my god i’m so glad you’re home Shawnie i was so scared here alone” she whimpers. “get off of me” I chuckle, backing away from her and picking up the items I dropped a second ago. 

“what? nooo you’re suppose to protect me!” she gasped. “From…Netflix? its just a movie babe” I shake my head and make my way the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water. “for a second there i thought you were a good boyfriend” she pouts while locking the door and walking into the kitchen after me. I look down at her and she rolls her eyes, taking the water bottle from my hands and drinking a sip. “For a second there i thought you were actually in danger. And would a bad boyfriend let you steal their water?” I smirk before taking the bottle back. I take a sip but almost spill some on myself when pokes me in the side.

“jerk! id like to see you sit through a scary movie without feeling the least bit paranoid” she challenged.

“Let’s watch one tonight then”

“Hell no! i’m already freake-”

“I’m here now so I wont let a hockey player or anyone else get my girl” I know she loves it when I call her that. I see her fighting back the smile it always causes. “okay fine but i swear to god if you try to scare me later on i’m going to strangle you” she squints her eyes to try and intimidate me but all it does is make it even harder for me to take her serious. She so short and doe eyed, its really hard for me to be scared of her. 

45 minutes later

“Shawn you’re supposed to be watching this” she giggled pushing my hand away from her thigh. “Id rather be doing this though” I smirk, moving my hand back to her leg and leaving a wet kiss on her collarbone. She sighs with a smile and crosses her arms. “i shouldn’t let you even sit on the same couch as me considering you told me to get off of you earlier” she teased

“haha y/n” I started “but remember what happened before that?”

“You were holding me?” she guessed, looking over at me.

“Yeah. I thought something was wrong and that-….I don’t know” I ran a hand through my hair, reliving that moment when my heart felt like it was going to explode from how fast it was beating.

What would you have done if there was a real killer in here?” she questioned. 

“I usually say violence isn’t the answer but I guess i’d have to kill him” I laugh. I see her eyes turn a bit darker and she took a deep breath. “….did that turn you on or something?” I joke. She doesn’t verbally answer but she guides my hand back to her thigh, and then further up to one of my favorite places on her body. I start rubbing her thought her pajama shorts and judging by how soft she feels right now, i’m one hundred percent positive she isn’t wearing panties. 

She bites her lip and whimpers while pressing my hand harder into her. With her other hand she pulls her shorts to the side and waits for me to do the rest. I rub for a few more seconds to make sure she’s absolutely dripping for me.

I finally have her where I want her and by now she’s almost at her peak. I take two of my fingers and wet them in my mouth before sliding them inside her. Her mouth is hanging open, a look of disbelief on her face. “sh- shawaann” she gasped. I shake my head “I know I know, that was really dirty” I chuckle, still pumping in and out of her.

 “mmm baby you..you’ve never done that…that was h-hot” she struggled through her moans. “fuck” I grunt before pulling away from her and undoing my belt and zipper quicker than I ever have before. Without me having to tell her, she swung a leg over me and pulled her shorts to the side once again. She pulls my hard-on out of my boxers and runs her thumb over the head of it. 

“aahh baby..fuck ride me” I groan

She sinks down on me, the material of her shorts are out of the way but still add some friction every time she comes back down. Her hands find my hair and I can feel my climax building with every stroke. My hands grip her ass and i help move her up and down. “nnh shawnie right there..” she whimpers. I guide her face to my neck and she begins nibbling at my jaw line. She picks up the pace for a second before pulling me out almost all the way. She’s teasing me

“ don’t you fucking stop y/n” I growl in her ear. She starts to grind again but this time, she starts to lose her rhythm. She’s close, so am I.

“i’m almost there baby oooh fuck…yes” she nods at me and i’m assuming she feels the same. Just when I feel her clench around me, I lose it. I throw my head back and squeeze her ass just enough to make her really feel it.

  I’m moaning out her name along with a list of profanities, she’s riding out her high and when I glance down I can see her biting on her finger. I could cum again just watching her. My breathing evens out and even though we’ve both finished, she’s still slowly grinding on me. She leans forward and kisses me with so much passion, it makes me smile. 

I just love her so much.

I grab her waist to stop her movements because my dick is way too sensitive right now. “another go?” she chirps. “give me like 20 minutes babe”

We laugh and she pulls herself off of me, shifting her attention to the tv to catch the last scene of that damn movie.

Wish You Were Here (Tom Holland Smut)

request: i think it was kinda? someone wanted phone sex w tom so here we are i’m too lazy to find it but anon one’s for u babe <3

short summary: tom was a little shit this whole week about the fresh cut and it got u all hot and bothered when he finally posted a pic so u know seeing as u can’t see him phone sex will have to do

length: 1.6k words

warnings: smut

A/N: i’m sorry i know i said i was working on 2 angsty peter fics but i knew i needed to write this as soon as he finally stopped being a snake and showed us that dope cut bc goddamn it looks fucking NICE i’m so s o r r y 
pls forgive me


You toyed with yourself as you paced around your bedroom. Not knowing what exactly to do, you were at a loss. You didn’t want to cave, but at the same time you were beyond caring. The reward would be too great if you would just succumb to your wants.

Tom hadn’t only been messing with his fans all week, but you too. What started as a simple joke tweet had amassed into hysteria in his fandom. He’d initially planned on only waiting a day before showing the world a simple selfie of his new hair cut, but after seeing everyone freak out he decided to take it a step further and mess with everyone for a few days.

Keep reading

Talk Me Down (Billy Hargrove x Reader)

Title: Talk Me Down

Warnings: mentions of abuse, tears, sad, slight angst

A/N: Based off of Troye Sivan’s song Talk Me Down. I’ve got conflicted feelings for Billy. I don’t like how he is such an ass (he’s also racist tbh. unless he heard about Lucas’ involvement in all the crap with Hawkins Lab, that’s the only other explanation), but I sympathize with him and understand him. I want to protect him and hug him and listen to him rant and vent and let out his emotions.

Originally posted by bigbadroman



I wanna sleep next to you, but that’s all I wanna do right now.
And I wanna come home to you, but home is just a room full of my safest sounds.


Hawkins High School was buzzing with teenagers, all excited for the weekend. You were one of them. It was the weekend, you had no homework, and surprisingly, you had plans.

Somehow, you found yourself being friends with a bully. Not publicly, at least. It would make people think even less of Billy, and you knew that wasn’t going to be good for him. Nobody at school knew what went on in Billy’s home life except for you. You’d often find yourself slowly opening your window, praying it wouldn’t wake up anyone else in the house. Billy would do his best to stay quiet, climbing into your bedroom. His eyes would be rimmed red, wet tears leaving trails down his face. 

You’d settle back into bed, sliding under the covers. You’d hold them up, so he could slide in next to you. His arms would wrap around you and yours would do the same. He’d rest his head in the crook of your neck and let out the rest of his tears, you just ran your fingers through his hair and held him. He found solace, comfort, and care in your arms- something he didn’t have much experience with.


Cause you know that I can’t trust myself with my 3 A.M. shadow,
I’d rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone.


Billy found himself thinking of you often. Your kindheartedness and your compassion was most evident. He needed someone like that in his life, especially right now. His left cheek stung, and a small cut was evident on his cheek bone. The crimson colors on the clock seemed to shout the time at him, 3:04 a.m.

Tears trailed down his cheeks, hot and salty. It made his left cheek sting even more and the cut on his right cheek began to burn. His eyes closed, his mind drifting to you. Your sweet smile, your kind eyes, your guiding light, you. You were the person that brought Billy back to earth, the one who made him calm and rational. 


I wanna sleep next to you, 
And that’s all I wanna do right now.
So come over now, and talk me down.

All it took was a phone call and you were on your way to Billy’s house. The shrill ring woke up your mom, and you didn’t feel the need to lie. So you told her the truth.

“A friend of mine, they don’t have the best home life. They just need a friend right now. I’ll be home in the morning.” 

Your concerned eyes and honest words made your mother smile at you. “Be safe.” she gave a single nod, and you grabbed a jacket, heading out the front door.

The window to Billy’s room was open, a welcome sign. So you climbed in as quietly as you could, seeing him curled up into a ball in the corner of his room. You slipped off your shoes, tiptoeing over to him. “Hey, Billy.” you whispered softly, his quiet sobs filling your ears. You kneeled down in front of him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s me, it’s Y/N.” 

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to him. He just needed a friend, somebody in his life who he knew would never hurt him terribly.



I wanna hold hands with you
But that’s all I wanna do right now


Your eyes locked with Billy’s in the school hallway. You smiled at him and he gave you a half-second smile back. It made you heart break, the way Billy ignored you at school. You understood the need to uphold a reputation. You didn’t understand his constant need to be an asshole, although after meeting his father, you did. You understood why you and Billy had to keep your distance from each other at school. But you didn’t like it. You wanted to hold his hand, and kiss him on the cheek. You were developing a crush, and you knew it wouldn’t end well for you. Not in the slightest. 

But he needed you. Or at least you thought.



And I wanna get close to you
‘Cause your hands and lips still know their way around, oh
And I know I like to draw at night, when it starts to get surreal



The way she hung on Billy made your heart drop into stomach. How her arms wrapped around his waist, looking up at him like he was the world. The hot, sexy world.  And he was. She looked and him with lust and he looked at her the same way. 

Billy had found somebody else to calm him down, to spend their nights with him. He found somebody else. Somebody that wasn’t you. 

You must have just been a shock blanket. You know, like the ones they keep in ambulances and put over people’s shoulders when they’re in a state of shock or have just gone through something possibly traumatic? That’s what you were. You were used and then carelessly tossed to the side. You weren’t really sure what purpose you served, but you served one. 

And once they didn’t need you anymore, you were shrugged away and discarded.

The loud Michael Jackson song that was blaring through the speakers was what you focused on. Your eyes turned away from Billy and his new girl and focused on the song. Tommy H. was throwing a party and for some reason (most likely boredom and looking for a source of amusement), you decided to go. So, why not live a little? You didn’t need to drink, or do whatever the hell it was they were doing in the bathroom. You didn’t need to do a kegstand. You did the one thing that helped you let loose. 

You danced. 

You made your way to the dance floor and just started to move around. Your hips swayed to the beat, your head nodding along. Body heat radiated from every which way, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes filling your nostrils. You danced with nobody but yourself. 

It was like you were invisible, dancing alone. You had no need to grind on someone, no need to sling your arms around a stranger. You were content with filling the hole in your heart yourself. It’s the only way to do it. 



But the less time that I spend with you, the less you’ll need to heal. 
I wanna sleep next to you, but that’s all I wanna do right now.
So come over now, and talk me down.


Billy hadn’t called you in weeks. When you passed him in the hallway, you avoided his gaze. You shrunk back into the crowd and made yourself invisible. He had different girls to fill the void in him now, girls who gave him more than you did. A shock blanket, all you were. All you’d ever be to him. 


That night, as you lay in bed reading a book, your phone rang. You glanced up at it, your heart beginning to beat faster. What if it was Billy? But what if it wasn’t? 

So you let it ring. 

And then, the ringing stopped. 

You breathed a sigh of relief, knowing it was most likely just a wrong number.

And then the phone rang again. 

You had to pick it up- you couldn’t just let it ring. “Hello?”

“Y/N?” 

It was Billy.

You sighed. “Look Billy, I understand you don’t need me anymore so you don’t need to call me and apologize and rub it in my face that you’ve found a better fix, okay?”

His breath shook as he spoke, “I need you. I need you right now. I’m so sorry, I truly am. I was a dick and I shouldn’t have been. I’m so sorry. I understand if you don’t want to hang out or be friends or.. or whatever the hell we were. I get it. But, if it’s possible, I just need someone right now. I was such a prick, and I’m sorry.”

Your heart ached, and you knew there was a chance you were gonna regret this. “I’ll be over in ten.” 

4

Dear Jack,

You brought this upon yourself and I hope you like it

The link I was inspired to do it was this

(Sorry about the edit and forgetting to put the link in I was really tired and since I don’t feel like sleeping right now I’m doing this)