my feelings for her are neutral

Tips on CC for ME:A

So we all know the facial animations in me:a can be a little…weird. BUT I’ve noticed there are some things you can mess with in the CC that seem to help make it look a little better! Here’s what I’ve found so far:

  • Don’t choose the default for you or your twin: They just have really bad facial animations. Idk why.
  • Give your Ryder dark eyes: The way the eye shading works in ME:A makes your character’s eye’s look really wide all the time. Giving your character a darker eye color for some reason seems to help this. It also helps to choose a preset where the upper eyelids fall lower on the eye.
  • If you’re making a femryder, make the character’s mouth less wide: Someone else noted that it looks like the face scans for femryder’s presets weren’t taken in a neutral pose. This caused a lot of them to have stretched out mouths that looks pretty uncanny in cutscenes. I made my Ryder’s mouth a little less wide than I usually like to, and that seemed to help get rid of those freaky smile scenes.

  • Mess with the depthness of the mouth: Making Ryder’s lips stick out from their face less seems to help with the weird flappy lip syndrome I’ve seen some people have. Default m!ryder has this issue especially bad.

  • Remember to compare the jawline to your character’s neck: You can’t adjust Ryder’s neck thickness like you can with Shepard’s, so if your character has a wide face or a big jaw, it can make their head look too big for their body at times.

  • The funky hair colors are always that bright: Ok this is less about animation and more about aesthetic, but I had to remake my Ryder because her blue hair looked too bright compared to everything else. In my opinion, the dyed hair looks less pastel looking and more neon in-game. There are a couple hairstyles it looks ok on (the curly bob and the braids for f!ryder both look pretty nice with the dyed colors) but most were brighter than I expected.
  • The CC angles the face down and is not in a neutral position: Don’t worry about this one too much, just keep it in mind while you’re messing with the height of Ryder’s facial features bc it does mess with the perspective a bit. I moved my character’s mouth up to what looked like an ok position in the CC, but in most cutscenes her mouth looks waaay to high.
These are the things I noticed gave the animations trouble, and they’re largely femryder centric. If anyone else had a different experience/wants to share more feel free to reblog!
  • Me: It's okay to be unsure of your gender/sexuality!!1! It's totally cool to be figuring yourself out!
  • Me @ me: except you bc u need to get ur stuff together and figure out what the heck u are right now immediately

My dear nonbinary kids, 

If you realize you are nonbinary but it doesn’t really change that much on the outside - it does not mean you’re fake. 

Not every nonbinary person switches to they/them pronouns. 

Not every nonbinary person wants to dress gender-neutral. 

Not every nonbinary person wants to change their other labels to be more nonbinary-specific. 

Not every nonbinary person wants to change their name. 

You can want none of those things. For example, if you were assigned female at birth and identify as nonbinary, you can still want to use she/her, use your birth name and dress feminine if that’s what you feel most comfortable with! 

Your identity is still valid and real and deserves to be respected and taken seriously. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom  

 We were investigating a unknown and powerful source of wild magic in a Library, that was causing all other kinds of magic to run amok. This was unfortunate, as I play a Wizard named Theia

Theia: I cast Grease

DM: Okay. Everyone else make perception checks

*they all fail, apart from the Ranger*

DM: Theia is suddenly gone. Jaik (Ranger), you can see a vague outline where she once stood

Jaik: I reach out at feel the air

DM: You feel the fabric of her robe

Jaik, Chaotic Neutral and a huge flirt: I give a cheeky grope

Theia, a Colossal Lesbian who is on a quest to find her GF: Can I use my bonus action to slap him?

(she missed)

aripuppy  asked:

Quick question: do vets often lie about pet behavior when you're picking them up from a drop off? Like, I have a vet who always says they love my cats and they're a pleasure to work with, with makes sense for these two cats. But I also have a dog who I know doesn't really like strangers, but they always complement her behavior too. Is it to make the owners feel better, or a "well Fluffy didn't actually bite me, just hissed and screamed while we gave her shots, so A+" to make humans feel better?

In my experience we tend not to lie about a pet’s behavior in the clinic, though it isn’t always what an owner would expect. We try and put a positive spin over a neutral outcome, because people like some positivity in regards to their pets, but if the animal is difficult we might soften the blow but not lie about it.

If an animal is ‘difficult’ in some way, it will either be much better or much worse without the owners present. There are so many dogs that the owners claim have separation anxiety but are perfect angels in the clinic, and mostly sleep. If an animal is distressed then we often call the owners to pick them up as soon as possible, because that’s not good for anyone to have them freaking out in the clinic.

Lots of dogs and cats will sort of ‘freeze’ when taken into an unfamiliar room with unfamiliar people because they don’t know what to do, where to run, or who to seek attention from to get their way. This makes doing a minor procedure (nail trim, injection, blood draw) sometimes miles easier to do without the owners present.

A dog who just freezes in this situation… sure it might not be the best mental state for the dog at the time, but it makes things super easy for us from a veterinary point of view and lets everything happen faster, so they are easy patients.

As for Fluffy hissing and screaming, there are certainly cats (and dogs) that like to make a lot of noise but don’t actually try to maim us. They’re vocal, but they’re still ‘good’ patients if you don’t push them too far. They’re perfectly allowed to have opinions, as long as they’re not pointy opinions.

some thoughts on jyn erso

i’m sorry to do this because i know we’re all probably exhausted to death of jyn erso discourse, but i was finally able to collect my thoughts on some aspects of her character into coherent ideas that i want to post

this isn’t a jyn erso hate post, and i’m not an “anti jyn” or someone who completely despises her character. there are some things about her that i like! she’s just not my favorite, and i’ve been curious as to why that is. it’s not typical of me to feel so neutral of what is objectively a strong female lead, especially when it’s something like star wars where those are often lacking. 

here’s what i think it boils down to: i don’t really like her that much, because of the filmmakers’ attempts to make her likable

if you’re trying to portray a character who is rough around the edges, jaded with the universe, and doing whatever it takes to survive, why not go all out? i would have loved to see jyn be more angry, meaner, scrappier, and belligerent. give me a jyn who when she is captured by the rebellion, acts like a caged animal. give me a jyn who will scratch and claw in order to survive. give me a jyn who is expressive of her anger and fear and desperation. give me a jyn who yells and screams and and doesn’t know how to control her rage and frustration at her situation. 

i think my main problem with jyn is that, to me, she comes across as bored more than jaded. rather than someone who has been fighting her way along her whole life and been hardened, she seems like a woman who is just uninterested in her surroundings. when she says the line that’s like (paraphrasing here) “it can’t bother you if you don’t look up” in the movie it feels so dismissive to me and doesn’t pack a punch. i would have rather had that line be biting, full of bitterness and disillusionment that shows the reaction of someone who has been so hurt before by all sides that she has lost hope in any goodness in the world. 

unfortunately, what i think a lot of this comes down to, and why this isn’t the jyn we see in the movie, is the cultural requirement that we need to make women palatable in order to be likable. there’s the idea that if a woman is too emotional, or angry, or yells a lot, people are going to hate her and thinks she’s a total bitch. well i would actually love a bitchier, meaner, more raw jyn erso. but we didn’t get that side of her because, let’s face it, women can’t act like that in movies, whereas men can. because a woman who spits rage and scratches and claws would be seem as threatening and unrelatable to a male audience. so what we get instead is the watered-down, sugar-coated version of what should be a gritty, harsh character. we get boredom instead of rage, because that’s what’s easier to swallow. and i feel cheated about the jyn erso that could have been, but that we didn’t get to see. 

“It’s better to be a cute boy than an ugly butch lesbian.”

Six or seven years ago (and longer!) there were huge debates taking place about the term “queer”, what it meant to the lesbian, gay, bi and trans community, whether it should be added onto the acronym and whether people who defined specifically as “queer”, to the exclusion of any of the other letters, should be welcomed into LGBT spaces.

At the time, the term “queer” represented a radical element that was highly attractive. Here were a group of people who seemed to be anti-capitalist, unapologetic, anti-assimilationist, aggressive and non-conformist. And to 20 year-old-me they just looked so bloody cool. I came through school and college having the word lesbian hissed at me, but not really having any other language to describe myself. I argued viciously for the inclusion of the “Q”, and shouted down the concerns raised by older (and sometimes not) members of the LGBT community that the word “queer” for them echoed horrendous experiences of homophobic assault and bullying.

“We’re reclaiming it,” I spat, “and anyway you can still be lesbian, or gay, or bi, and/or trans if you want.”

Fuelled by zeal, well-meaning enthusiasm, a complete lack of understanding of LGBT and women’s history and a massive streak of arrogance, I wrote these concerns off as archaic and narrow minded, and for that, I am truly sorry. 

As time passed, I started to feel ashamed about being a lesbian within the queer community. As one ex said to me “lesbianism is sooooo last century”. I was butch too, a real stereotype. I was ashamed of being a butch lesbian stereotype, and felt that I sucked at being a woman so much, that maybe I couldn’t be one, but the term “genderqueer” left me cold. I also didn’t fancy men, and they didn’t fancy me.

I didn’t realise until much more recently, but what is happening is the sexism and homophobia found in mainstream society is just being re-appropriated and shoved out from the other side under the guise of radical queer politics; women who exclusively date and sleep with other women are being shamed for it by the very community they are supposed to be a part of, in a way that men who exclusively date and sleep with other men are not. Being a lesbian in a society that heaps pressure on women to be with men is and always has been an enormously radical act.

An avalanche of hypocrisy, or was it always there?

In the last couple of years I noticed a big push within the community to educate on trans issues, change the culture around checking which pronouns people use, increase trans visibility and promote more respect and understanding around gender identity, which are all good things in my book. Intentional mispronouning, both in and outside of the LGBT community is a constant micro-aggression. But then something else happened. The same queers who were screaming bloody murder about people not getting their pronouns right, started to use gender neutral pronouns for me without asking. It didn’t feel right. Occasionally someone would ask what pronoun I used, and on hearing me say “she and her” would double take and say “are you sure?”

Why weren’t these queers taking my first answer? They certainly got angry when people questioned using the neutral “they”. It occurred to me that members of the queer community were questioning my right to define as a woman because of my androgynous appearance almost as much as straight homophobes had questioned my validity as a woman for the exact same reason. I felt increasingly pressured to define as something other than “woman”, and that being a woman, particularly without prefixing it with something like “genderqueer” or “genderfluid” or “non-binary”, was increasingly difficult to get people to accept. Was I so bad at being a woman that my own community wouldn’t even believe me? Isn’t it ironic that a supposedly radical community seemed to find the concept of a masculine woman so difficult to swallow?

If our behaviour falls outside of certain prescriptive boundaries laid out by straight people, must we now question our right to be women at all? Why has it become so offensive and revolting to be considered a woman in the queer community? Why don’t people, who experience the world as women, are treated and seen and oppressed as women, want to be women?

It’s because to be a woman in our patriarchal society is to be less. To be a woman is to be in an undesirable position. To abandon the label “woman” is to claw back some individual power, rather than see women as a political class and collective. In short, its because of sexism. An acquaintance said recently:

“It’s better to be a cute boy than an ugly butch woman.”

We need to talk about class, or the lack of talk about class.

I have lost count of the number of times I have heard or heard of some middle class MA Gender/Sexualities/Sociology Studies twerp shaming and condemning some poor gay seventeen year old for not knowing what a demisexual, panromantic, masc of centre genderqueer is. There are large numbers of the queer community who need to face up to the fact that they have a huge amount of social, educational and class privilege, and that some people do not get to read books that introduce them to all these terms. Some people grow up in houses where there are no books, or the only thing they ever read with the terms “lesbian” and “gay” are tabloid newspapers spitting bile. Sometimes people make mistakes, or have limitations of language. And some of us think that the obsessive developing of endless terms is an intentional attempt to stretch the definition of our community so much that the community in fact will not exist.

Butch and femme are terms that were prominently used amongst working class lesbian communities, and were later sneered at and denounced as aping heterosexuality by elements of the separatist feminist movement, who were often middle class and/or had more academic backgrounds. Now we see lesbian women and gay men being sneered at and dismissed as “monosexual” by elements of the community in much the same spirit, “femme” has been appropriated and is frequently used to refer to any feminine presenting queer person and the word butch is still coded as ugly. There are no cafes, bars or clubs that specifically cater to LBTQ women left in London and very few spaces elsewhere.

You have a right to be queer, and others have a right to be lesbian, gay, bi and/or trans.

I have learnt to be unapologetic about being a woman who exclusively has romantic relationships with other women. But it is a shame that I had to learn this twice. There are other people who feel that their identity, although not hetero/cisnormative, is not represented in the L, B, G or T, and they define as queer (or both). That is fine, if that is what they want. What is not fine is the shaming and erasing of lesbians that goes on. What is not fine is to make the identity of “lesbian” synonymous with trans exclusive feminism when it isn’t. What is not fine is the ridicule of butch women that goes on, whilst skinny white masculine of centre genderqueers enjoy pedestal type positions in the queer community. It is not fine to disrespect and enter and disrupt the few women only spaces left when you know you do not experience oppression as a woman. It is not fine to harass the organisers of a women only event because you’re a man* and consider yourself a lesbian and feel you should be welcomed. That’s just complete misogynist douchebaggery.

It is not fine to force people to call themselves queer and erase their gay and lesbian and bi identities in the process. It’s just hypocritical. And its shit politics. Stop it.

I am a butch lesbian woman. And that’s ok.


*I am talking here about douchebag men who exploit nuanced gender politics to harrass lesbians, so don’t bother with the OP is a TERF stuff.

REQUEST 124 ~ seduction (smut)

Warnings: Smut, swearing

A/n: Do you want me to make any changes to the way i write? Do you want me to write more gender neutral? Let me know ^.^ Also i feel like i drifted away from the request. 

Dan’s P.o.v:

Warm bodies moving together in sync. Heavy breaths filling the air. Her voice crying out in ecstasy. The feeling of her soft skin under my finger tips helps ignite my senses. That amazing peak building, and building and…

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Dinah’s answer… An indirect? An apology?

“We’re three interviews away from hearing Camila admit that she wrote IHQ about 5H” The thing with the song storyline is that they don’t even need Camila saying that on camera. They could if they’re looking for a huge dose of drama– which it wouldn’t be surprising coming from men in suits tbh– but if they’re goal right now is to keep the whole thing lowkey, the fans do all the job by speculating. Cause ultimately that’s what their team is striving for & sadly they succeed every single time.

To make it brief, they’ve been playing with the IHQ storyline quite a lot (& yes, they’re enjoying it). It started as a relationship then a friendship. About one person, then it “could” be about more than one person. My opinion on who I think IHQ is about, hasn’t changed in the slightest.

Now, addressing Dinah’s little speech…

It’s simple, if they didn’t want us to hear that, it wouldn’t have been on the interview on the first place. It would have been edited & cut out. So let’s consider three options here:

  1. D said it from the bottom of her heart & #they decided to use it last minute.
  2. D had to play along & it was meant to reach the fandom eventually..
  3. D offered to. Maybe they were told to pull a similar move but with a harsher approach or one of the other girls had to do it & DJ volunteered. There are several possible scenarios, we never know.

Personally, I think Dinah was given some orders, hence she had no option. However I do believe there must be some truth in what she said, related to the 2015 days… Anyway, put into perspective & how interesting is that they had Dinah saying this few days after that interview with Camila?

Either Dinah has been keeping up track of baby C & that was her response to her in a very long time– which if you ask me, I would have rather call/text her instead of making it public, esp knowing how dramatic the fandom is– or we insert option “b” here. LIKE SERIOUSLY, THE INTERVIEWS WERE RELEASED TWO DAYS APART !!!!

One point is that Dinah’s answer had nothing to do with the base question but she still brought the subject regardless. This latter is what makes me believe even more that it was bound to be.

To be fair neither of Camila’s & Dinah’s answers mention names. Both are vague allusions & what a “coincidence” is that both connect perfectly, at least enough to have the fans fulfilling the rest of the work by assuming (as always).

“We wouldn’t have seen & heard it if they didn’t want it out. They would’ve buried it if it’s not along with what they want. And given how out of place it is with the question, and how it fits with other narrative stuff, it makes me think that this had a purpose" One friend told me this & I couldn’t agree more.

It penetrated into the fandom successfully. Several interpretations arouse. Let’s take a look at the different perspectives:

  • The C Stan POV- “Dinah just accepted she did something wrong, now she’s asking for forgiveness. She can keep her apology too late. She fake af”
  • The 5H stan POV- “If anything this proves how much of an amazing person is DJ & she doesn’t deserve any of the hate she’s getting. She’s speaking about the group & their dynamic now”
  • The OT5 stan POV- “Why does this feels like D is saying sorry to C. Everything makes sense now. My heart is broken :(”
  • “Dinah was in no way offering an apology. She’s just implying that IF someone out of all them ever mess up, it’s their duty to talk about it & clear the air”.

Overall the OT5 POV tends to be neutral. Generally it falls for whatever they’re trying to sell us but in the end a real ot5 sticks by “we don’t know anything, we can’t judge shit”.

This is why the narrative is mainly BIPARTISAN. Works by feeding OT4s & Camilizers simultaneously & none of the sides will ever clear up anything at all, cause that’s the whole point about it. Keeping fans formulating conclusions about every little thing. This way they turn the smallest aspects into the biggest deal

Maneuvering the narrative’s strings through the interviews is totally so common for the following reasons (esp coming from #them):

These are not done spontaneously. Whether if it’s written or recorded, a script must be approve first. Or the artists practice the same question multiple times with their team. Either way when it comes to be in front of the reporter they know perfectly what to expect & they just compensate the farce with their charisma.

Media training plays its role here. Let’s not forget for the umpteenth time that if the girls are given orders, whether if it’s a last minute arrangement or planned with anticipation, THEY MUST OBEY. They pretty much don’t have an option unless they negotiate with their team.

More importantly it allows them to orchestrate the whole by releasing the interviews whenever they want to. Whether if they’re controlling pivotal points or simple plot twists, an interview can be scheduled & done months before they let it out. They test reactions first via SM & according to where they’re want to lead the fans, they’ll release periodically or drop it like a bomb if they need to. Or if in the end, they decide it’s better not to reveal certain statements they simply won’t put the interview out.

What can we do about it? Easy. Don’t jump into the obvious assumptions right away instead try to search what do they want to obtain from that particular interview (headlines come as major key to this). Also just enjoy of the funny moments the girls hand us in most of the interviews. They might not be the greatest at handling their media training but if you ask me, that’s one of the special things about them.  They’re messy, goofy most of the times & usually have me cracking up halfway the video. It’s a lot more enjoyable that having to bear with the monotonous answers or in some cases the interviewer’s lack of enthusiasm. Another reason why I can’t wait for them to take that charisma into talk shows.

P.D. A shout out to the MTV interviewer (Meredith) you could tell she was happy & to be right there with them. Interested in what they had to say. Plus she didn’t interrupt & made concise questions.

SaviorMysticMeme’s Masterlist

I finally made a Masterlist! Woooo~~

I try to keep MCs pronouns neutral throughout most of my fics, but I’m pretty sure I slip in a few spots and the way I write MC tends to be pretty feminine/neutral. So sorry to anyone who prefers masculine MC or doesn’t go with she/her pronouns for the times I slip (⩾.⩽) HOWEVER feel free to specify for a Male/NonB/Whatever MC in your request and then I will switch from my Fem/Neautral MC standard and focus on matching pronouns to your request.

Hope the babbling made sense

SFW

NSFW

Ehhhh Debatable (Not really NSFW but suggestive or contains mild NSFW pieces)

Angst

anonymous asked:

do you mind making a list of all of sufjan's gay songs?

of COURSE i don’t!!!! this is the shit that fuels me!!!! in alphabetical order:

  • all for myself (the age of adz): is this an innocent love song about going hiking with your boyfriend and feeling a lil possessive? is it about stabbing your boyfriend to death out of jealousy? no one knows for sure, but either way, it’s inarguably about two guys in a relationship with hairy chests!
  • all delighted people (all delighted people ep): this song’s a giant puzzle but it has some lyrics that REALLY seem to be discussing homophobia (e.g. ”the world surrounds us with its hate"), then add that to the fact that he references the physical aspects of jesus and john’s relationship and speaks from the point of view of john about jesus in a decidedly romantic way, and we’ve got some homoerotic subtext on our hands!
  • all of me wants all of you (carrie & lowell): it’s unclear whether this song is about his mother or a relationship with a guy. i personally believe the former but people would yell at me if i didn’t put it on this list. most referenced for the latter interpretation is the line “and in this light you look like poseidon,” indicating an imposing masculine figure.
  • barcarola (you must be a christmas tree) (silver & gold): the lyric “so suddenly you kiss me, you tickle me / in front of your mother, who looked away / with her hands on her face” leads me to believe this one’s gay.
  • drawn to the blood (carrie & lowell): i don’t really feel comfortable citing this one as a Gay Representation Song!! because of the lyrical content, but see the lyric “the strength of his arm / my lover caught me off-guard.”
  • futile devices (the age of adz): simple short tender heartbreaking love song. one of my all-time favorites of sufjan’s and very explicitly about a man.
  • holland (michigan): the lyrics of this song are totally gender-neutral but the short story that went along with the song raised some gay flags. an excerpt: “We mowed lawns and stole flags from construction sites and kissed on the lips at the drinking fountain… We went around shirtless, even the skinny ones, even the fat ones, even the ones with terrific arms and shoulders.”
  • john my beloved (carrie & lowell): this song switches through a lot of perspectives and is about a lot of different things, but the setup of the song is pretty clearly a hookup after a bar visit, and given the rest of the lyrics, it’s almost certainly a hookup with another man. it also explores the dynamic between jesus and john in a not entirely un-sexual way.
  • kill (a sun came): an unhealthy gay relationship, crossdressing, horseback riding, and murder fantasies. what more could you ask for in a sufjan stevens song?
  • the owl and the tanager (all delighted people ep): i could go on about this song for hours. it’s absolutely tragic and beautiful and just trust me and go listen to it.
  • the predatory wasp of the palisades… (illinois): perhaps the most easily recognizable gay sufjan song. I Kiss Him
  • size too small (seven swans): i have been told that this song is about his high school girlfriend but i don’t buy it. to me it will always be about being the best man at your straight best friend’s wedding while being in unrequited love with him.
  • take me (sisyphus): i gotta admit i’m sort of including this as a joke but also sort of not because i have never heard a song that is more plainly about bottoming. just read the lyrics. the music video also includes sufjan being seduced by a hot shirtless dancing man.
  • to be alone with you (seven swans): also known as That Iconic Song About Jesus But Also Having An Affair With A Married Man

I had this one lost in my PC for months because I´m not very happy with the face, at least I´ve finished it.

I´m kind of neutral about Kairi, I want to like her more but the games tends to forget that she exist or that she can be more than “The girl that Sora likes”.

Anyway I hope she gets more spotlight in the next game, not only because the character needs development but because the overall story needs it because the main trio feels very unbalanced with their story arcs. Well… even if it´s just a part of the new outfit it looks way better than the KH2 one, like if she is going to be more active so it´s a step in the right direction

Whisper

Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Natasha and Sam have a plan to make Steve confess his feelings.

Word Count: 1,117

Warnings: None. This is fluff.

A/N: Shamelessly stole the idea from How I met your Mother.

Originally posted by buckypupbarnes

Steve was staring at you from across the ballroom. It was fairly obvious, his azure eyes shone bright and his lips curled up into a warm smile when you laughed. His heart was pounding in his chest, the sound echoed in his head.

“Talk to her.”

Steve nearly jumped out of his skin when Natasha spoke to him, her lips twisted into a knowing smirk. He took a deep breath to regain his composure.

“Talk to her, Steve. You are driving everyone crazy.” She sighed before her lips touched the cold champagne.

“What do you mean everyone?” He gave her a dirty look that Natasha dismissed with a shrug.

“Sam and I bet that you’d kiss her by the end of the night. Bucky said you were too chicken to do it.” She grinned when Steve cursed softly under his breath.

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❝ I lied ❞

Plot: When Jaebum is so stupid to not understand is slowly falling in love with you and pushing you away because he’s afraid due to his previous broken heart. But you love him since your training days and at the end he confesses to you. 

Pairing: JaebumxReader

Words count: 2,5k+

Genre: Fluff

For anon, I hope you like it cutie! (I love JB, thanks for your request lmao) - M.

Gif isn’t mine, credits to the owner! ♥

That was your day. After three years of training, you were finally able to debut and more important as a soloist.  

It was tiring to be alone, but that was your dream as a child and nothing would have prevented you from realizing it.  

And it was a success, because as soon as your music video was released the visualizations began to increase with speed, making you feel really at peace with yourself.  

And from that day began the promotion at every music show, fan sign, mini concerts, and interviews. It was tiring, but you just seemed to be into a dream, wanting to never wake up.  

Another dream was also to know the groups that had been your inspiration for years and during an episode of the MCountdown, you had known SHINee and the f(x), who finally had returned after years with a comeback that had left you speechless because of the too much perfection.  

Everything was perfect, the only difficulty is that you felt lonely most of the time.

~ ~ 

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, Y/N!” Jackson’s scream made you turn, you were talking to your manager in the hallway after your practice, and you greeted him shaking your hand forcefully and smiling to him warmly.  

Jackson had been, after the first few months since your debut, the first to approach you and immediately you had become close friends. And it was he who introduced you to the other six members of GOT7, a group for whom you had immense admiration.  

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When You're Sick 🤒🤢
  • Sister: I'm sick.
  • Brother: What're the symptoms?
  • Sister: Sweaty palms, and achey knees. Sometimes when I close my eyes and don't think about anything, I can feel my heart beating really hard. Harder than usual. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. There is something seriously wrong with me.
  • Brother: Alright, I'm googling your symptoms. Hmm... Web MD says you're in love.
  • Sister: Love?
  • Brother: I guess so, if that's what Web MD says it must be true.
  • Sister: I have never been in love with someone before, not romantically, at least. I don't think I am in love.
  • Brother: How would you know if you've never been in love before? You don't know how it feels.
  • Sister: That is logical. I guess, I don't know. If this is love, then it is underwhelming.
  • Brother: Most things in life are underwhelming.
  • Sister: That is true.
  • Brother: Wanna get high?
  • Sister: It won't mean anything, but sure.
  • *later*
  • Brother: *blazed to fuck staring at the wall*
  • Sister: You know, I wish I could understand how you feel now. No matter how high I get, I always feel the same. Everything feels the same to me. I have never told anyone this but I don't think I have ever felt happy, or sad, or angry. I just always feel the same. Neutral.
  • Brother: *blinks*
  • Sister: Remember that old friend I used to hang out with? The one I would always bring over and she would do my hair and other things that friends do. She stopped being friends with me. She actually told me she loved me - this was way before we stopped being friends - and I told her I did not feel the same way, but I still valued her friendship. I did not actually value her friendship. I did not think much about her at all. I just said that because I thought I should. I remember the last day I spoke to her, we were out at the lake just sitting and watching it. It was frozen over and so gray and lifeless. It looked like it went on forever. It was so quiet too and I could just close my eyes and take in the absolute silence of it all. I wanted to lay back and let the atmosphere take me. I could have frozen to death for all I cared. I just wanted to be lost in that gray moment forever. She just got up and left. I sat there looking at the lake. I have not talked to her since.
  • Brother: *blinks*
  • Sister: Do you think she got up and left because I did not care about her? Because I have been reevaluating my position on my relationship with her and the nature of my life in general. Those symptoms I described to you earlier were symptoms that I did not feel until the moment that she ran across my mind whilst I was organizing my possessions. I like to organize my possessions, disorganize them, and then reorganize them because it keeps my mind from slipping into the gray - like the gray lake I described to you before. I feel as if I will stay there forever if I slip into it too much, though the thought of that is rather comforting, if I am to be honest with you. But, when she ran across my mind, I got sweaty palms which immediately threw my organizing into disarray. It felt unsatisfying. Remember when I told you that I feel basically the same no matter how high I get, I do not think that is true. Remember how I told you I have never felt. I do not think that is true either. Brother, I think I do feel, but I think something is taking away my precious life moments regardless of if they are good or bad. Brother?
  • Brother: *gone*
  • Sister: Tch, it got you too.
  • *later, elsewhere*
  • Social Worker: So you're saying things have been getting worse?
  • Sister: Exactly, please listen to me. I am about to lose my apartment as my brother was the only one capable of paying the rent. I believe I am about to lose many more things. It is good that you contacted me, as I will now be able to explain my position. Since I was born, everything and everyone of importance has simply walked out of my life or disappeared. My emotions left me at birth, my parents left me and my brother shortly afterwords, then went our inheritance, then my job, my friends, and now my brother. I am of the belief that something has been taking them away from me. I believe it may be some force that is paranormal in nature. For what reason such a force would have interest in me is beyond my understanding, but forces like this usually are not ones to be understood.
  • Social Worker: That sounds nuts. I think your problem is that you lack ambition.
  • Sister: I do lack ambition. There is no doubt that I do. I will never deny my lack of ambition, however my ambition has been taken from as well. Soon my apartment will be taken from me and the last true thing that keeps me bound this world, the organizing of my possessions, will be lost to me. What should I do, social worker?
  • Social Worker: I don't know. I'm not your keeper.
  • Sister: Social worker, may I remind you that you are the one who called me to your office and that I would rather have let myself sink into the boundless gray. I am giving this world one last chance, and I would think you would have called me here for some reason. Or would you rather waste my time?
  • Social Worker: *gone*
  • Sister: Ah, so you too have been taken. Right before my eyes. *looks at the ceiling* How much are you willing to take from me and for what reason, I wonder?
  • Spindly hand: *reaches from nowhere and removes the door from the wall leaving a blank space where it once was*
  • Sister: ...Ah.
  • Spindly hand: *reaches from nowhere and removes the window from the wall leaving a blank space where it once was*
  • Sister: I see.
  • Spindly hand: *drags the social worker's desk away, and the chairs, leaving the sister in an empty box of a room from which she can't escape*
  • Sister: I see. I see. You want to leave me with no choice but to give myself to the gray. Are you the gray embodied, or just a messenger of its will? Will you answer me at all, or is my search for reason in this nonsense futile. Why am I even asking? You're not listening to me. You are nonsense like all the emotions and people and things in this world. All those things that leave you when you are not perfect and you can't understand them, so they don't even bother trying to understand you. I am nonsense too because I was born when something like you exists just to slowly take away anything that ever could have meant something to me. *sits against the wall and closes her eyes*
  • *a frozen lake, seemingly endless, sprawls in front of her*
  • Sister: This is where I belong. It's like a dream, an empty miserable dream. It makes me feel like nothing. And maybe I am nothing. *blows away like dust*
Steven & Rose

So, I’ve been thinking Rose and Steven are actually quite similar. I’m spitballing here so this will probably get long…

(Yup, this actually turned into a bit of an analysis of Rose’s character, though I’m not sure it’s comprehensive because it’s late and I’m tired, so I cut my thoughts short)

TLDR: Rose has a warped moral compass and Steven inherited it. Also, they both come off a bit manipulative.

Keep reading

so about jasper and pearl

one thing i’ve realized is, i have kind of a weakness for “neutral” relationships? by which i mean interactions that aren’t really all that positive or negative, they’re just. kinda there. neutral. sometimes awkward. one example being peridot and steven in “keeping it together” and the first half of “catch & release” (meaning before steven went all “aww cute!”), and recently, i think that’s part of why i’m now fascinated by jasper and pearl.

i realize they might seem closer to negative - they’re on opposing sides and jasper did insult pearl once, but… that was so little and non-consequential. she just brushed pearl off as unimportant, as she did with the others. their relationship isn’t directly “damaged” or uncomfortable the way jasper might be with, say, garnet and amethyst for a while. 

that’s not to say they won’t ever butt heads, but it does remind me of early steven and peridot, in terms of just being so neutral - a couple positive interactions, a couple negative ones, but overall, they don’t seem to have a strong opinion of each other. they’re just kinda experiencing the same things, from opposite sides.

their first encounter? jasper fights garnet, doesn’t really engage amethyst or pearl. pearl’s words to jasper are also less harsh than garnet or amethysts, they’re all “you need to leave! back off!” while pearl just goes “this is not a gem-controlled planet”. 

their second encounter? while one shouldn’t judge alexandrite as just the sum of her parts, she does catch and hold jasper, without hesitation. a part of her did not want to fight, or at least hoped they could solve this diplomatically. then pearl sits by jasper, not really bothered by her presence, and straight up tries to save her - not to the point of sacrificing herself, but still genuinely trying

third encounter? just kinda. staring at each other. pearl was ready to fight, but not engaging, and then jasper walks off. this was important in the early interactions between peridot and steven - neither fought the other on sight, that was the hallmark of their neutrality. 

pearl was worried about steven and connie, sure, and she definitely views jasper as a threat in that regard, but peridot and steven were also at odds. steven was trying to fight + catch peridot, and peridot did try to kill them. they still got to have neutral interactions, and steven was by far the crystal gem peridot felt most comfortable around at first. their friendship, eventually, became a close bond, and steven was naturally important in peridot’s reform arc. 

i guess what i’m saying is, i have no doubts they’ll butt heads, but their relationship also feels carefully neutral right now. pearl has been absent when jasper has been at her most stressed or aggressive. jasper has done nothing to really hurt her, despite having several opportunities to, and pearl hasn’t expressed any strong anger or dislike towards her. 

this isn’t an attempt to give jasper Good Gem Points so much as something that makes me plain curious. it feels deliberately done - jasper being at her least aggressive / most occupied with other thoughts when pearl is there. pearl, too, has shown off her capacity as a fighter only in settings where jasper isn’t there. the question of who would even win in a fight hangs over us the way it doesn’t with garnet or amethyst (coincidentally, they both lose to garnet and beat amethyst, implying they might be rather evenly matched…). 

if i’m right in my raid theory, it could also be that garnet and bismuth were the gems who forced jasper to fight “from the second” she was born, if that’s literal. in other words, another reason jasper would have the least bad blood with her than with, well, anyone. peridot and lapis included (lapis for obvious reasons, and with peridot there might be some lingering “et tu, brute?” after the literal stabbing, and the metaphorical one with joining the crystal gems).

basically pearl is the closest jasper has to a blank slate. someone she can interact with with some ease, eventually, if circumstances allow. someone she has not hurt, and who hasn’t hurt her. their histories are intertwined, they were the young knights of the war (“completely dedicated to a person and a cause”), they struggle to let go of the past and live, still holding on to their old feelings and causes. of course, pearl chose to fight in a way jasper didn’t, but differences do not negate parallels. this is something pearl is just now moving past, and it’s something jasper needs.

tl;dr: they’ve never fought or hurt each other. they haven’t exactly been nice to each other either, jasper had her rude moment and pearl expressed some worry over her just wandering around like that, but she still tried to save her… so they remain, overall, neutral. it’s hard to know whether they’re building up for them to finally fight sometime, or if they’ll bond with less hurt standing in their way, with all their parallels, similar mindsets and struggles, or a mix of both… but i feel like that neutrality has been carefully preserved enough that it’s gotta mean something.

This is all really interesting input via @faelapis and tossing in my two cents, I do think it’s interesting that official Crewniverse art tends to pair Jasper with Pearl, Peridot with Amethyst, and Lapis with Garnet on the rare cases where the whole ‘crew’ is together.

And I think I have other reasons for being interested in Jasper and Pearl, beyond this- they’re both people who initially come across as haughty and caviling of others, and this is a defense mechanism for an abysmal lack of self worth. The figure of Pink Diamond is also very interesting because it suggests Jasper much like Pearl has a problem where she is not only grieving a loss, but heavily bound, almost defined in some regards- by who they are to that person who isn’t in their life any more. Both of them are even trying to chase closure, though in Jasper’s case, her closure is doomed from the start- she’s trying to pursue Rose, who is already gone.

What intrigues me about Jasper and Pearl is how similar they are. They’re also the only two Gems we’ve seen that are proficient in a weapon besides their summoned one (I don’t count Steven as “proficient” with Rose’s sword because iirc, outside of Bismuth, the only time he’s fought with it at all has been with Connie) but Jasper is able to use the destabilizer, and she uses it like a sword, while Peridot swings it clumsily and tries to use it like a club. This would actually suggest that Jasper might well have a background in swordsmanship.

There’s also the fact that despite being such a powerhouse herself, Jasper’s fighting style exploits a surprising amount of finesse and footwork- watch her fight against Garnet in Jailbreak, especially early on with the destabilizer. I’m not the only one intrigued by the idea of a potential duel between Jasper and Pearl, but, I think it might be interesting to consider a situation where Jasper might actually, specifically, try to compete with Pearl in a field where her strength and size are largely negated.

A couple of people have rolled their eyes at the idea of retreading Back To The Barn but I doubt that’s just what that would be about. Because I really don’t think Jasper would respond and relate to Pearl in the same way Peridot did at all- they’re too alike.

We also have a very interesting thing up in the air that hasn’t been addressed yet: Pearl during the war had a reputation. She was Rose’s right hand- the “terrifying renegade”. She was the one who swept her way through six Gems, including the personal bodyguards of a Diamond, in The Answer alone. At this point, we don’t know if Jasper has heard about that history, or if she’s cottoned that this is that Pearl. 

At this point, I suspect Pearl is going to have a fairly major role in Jasper’s arc- much the way Amethyst did in Peridot’s. This means a mix of good and bad- some butting heads, certainly- but I’m with you, Felix, I think they have a lot of potential.

since i draw farina so often anyways, i decided to finally do something like a character sheet for her

Helpless

 A/N: alrighty here we go. This is the first fic where I feel like the warnings were rally nescessary. I didn’t really proof read this so I hope its alright.It really sucks because I broke my flashdrive again (becuase I have the worst luck). Please send in some asks, suggestions, messages and comments.

Title: Helpless

Rating: Mature (because I am not sure)

Pairings: Thomas Jefferson x reader, reader x abusive!boyfriend

Warnings: violence, abuse, abusive relationship, sad topics, a bit depressing, cheating (if you like squint)

Wordcount: 1935

@mehrmonga


*Jefferson’s POV*

How often do you feel absolutely helpless? I don’t mean like ‘Oh I don’t know what to do?’, I mean like completely trembling and all your emotions and mixing together so much so that you have no idea how to react, feel, or think.

That’s how I felt when I looked at Y/N and noticed she had a black eye and split lip. She looked like she had been crying when she walked into the coffee shop. When she sat down she gave me a slight smile and began rambling about how clumsy she was. I knew it was a lie. I didn’t care about her fake story. I immediately cut her off by standing up.

“Stop Y/N, just stop. Please, sweet heart,” I told her as I grabbed her hand and pulled her out into the street to hail a cab. I looked at her and noticed the tears springing to her eyes again and I sighed. I yanked her hand and pulled her into my arms. She tensed and gripped my magenta jacket before openly sobbing into my arms. I felt my own tears spring into my eyes but held back remembering that this wasn’t about how I felt. The cab pulled up to the side of the street and I gently guided her into the back seat. I followed in immediately before wrapping my arms around her again as I told the guy my address.


*Y/N’s POV*

It was really warm in the cab and safe in Thomas’s arms as I felt us begin to move. I knew he was upset by the way his arms with taught around me in a secure embrace. Ryan had yelled at me again last night and I tried to avoid the confrontation as much as possible. But when Ryan wanted to fight there was no way to could get out of it. The tears finally stop streaming down my face and let my grip on Thomas’s jacket loosen. I turned my head to the side and rested gently on his chest as I focused on taking deep breathes. I looked out the front window and smiled as I watched the tall buildings blur past. I loved New York City, it was really busy and frantic just like myself. I frowned as I couldn’t help but notice the cloudy and windy weather matched my mood.

“I hope it rains,” I heard Thomas say next to me.

“Why? Isn’t it a bit depressing when the weather is like this?,” I question my face twisting into a scowl as I gripped his jacket again and wiggle into his side pushing my face back into his chest. I felt his hand gently move and rest on the small of my back while the other arm stayed up around my shoulders.

“Water is life. Therefore, rain kind of symbolizes new birth doesn’t it? Not to mention I love thunder. I know a lot of people hate it or are scared of it but the sound is so ethereal.” He said and I glanced up to notice his eyes staring out the window. The cloudy weather didn’t allow a lot of light through but the soft almost gray light seemed to outline his profile and make his look a lot older. He turned and looked down at me. He gently took his hand from the small of my back and brought it to my cheek. I felt his thumb gently stroke where the bruise rested right under my eye. “You put ice on it last night right darling?” he asked with concern shining in his eyes and his southern drawl coming out in full force. I gently nodded and looked down with shame etched on my features. I hated worrying him.

“We’re here.” The guy said from the front. Thomas temporarily unwrapped his arms and leaned forward, pulling out his wallet before handing over the fare. He opened the door and stepped out, making sure to grab my hand and pull with slightly more force than necessary. He was always demanding. I shook as the forceful wind made me stumble slightly and shiver. Thomas look back and frowned before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around me, blocking the wind and ushering me into the apartment complex. He got to his door and still refused to let me go and opened the door one handed. Once in the apartment he ordered me to the coach and began walking to the different rooms and collecting items with purpose.

I took the time to look around the apartment. I had been here multiple times, almost as much as my own house actually. I recalled walking in here the first time and being amazed at how warm and comfy it was. I had met him at his job where he worked as a consultant for a major political firm in the city. I had been asked to make a flower delivery for my part time job. I had strolled in with the cart of flowers and began setting them out as instructed when a man, namely Thomas, had asked if you needed any help considering his next conference didn’t start for another hour. I smiled and agreed. He began talking as her worked having no problem starting and maintaining a conversation with me. Anyone else in that position might have found him pushy but I just found him funny and confident. We had agreed to meet each other for coffee after that. I had developed a great friendship with him when he started inviting me over to hang out. I had developed a high opinion of him. I expected flat sofas and modern décor with monochrome for his apartment style but I was dead wrong.

I looked around the room as I threaded my hand into the red fur pillows that were on the plush black leather coach and looked to my feet and the plush purple carpet beneath them. Almost the entire apartment was paneled in a wood and Thomas has made sure that the mantel on which the TV sat was a cobble stone. It was extremely warm and homely with pictures of Thomas’s family and friends in Virginia hanging in the wall. I had asked him about his styling choices and he had responded with the fact that he wanted it to feel like home. I leaned back into the coach letting out a little huff as my back hit the coach. I looked over the lamp on the table and smiled. I had knocked over the previous lamp one time while dancing with Thomas and he had replaced it with a loud orange skinny lamp and purple lamp shade. It was so ugly but Thomas had fawned over the lamp and told me very sternly that if I broke it he would never allow me back in his apartment.

“Go change in the bathroom. I want you to be comfortable darling.” I heard Thomas say sternly. I was snapped out of my revere and there was Thomas standing in front of me and holding out a pair of his boxers and a sweat shirt. He shook the clothes in front of me when I didn’t move. I finally grabbed them and walked into the bathroom to change. I wasn’t sure about taking off my turtle neck. I shook as I pulled it over my head and looked into the mirror only to gasp when I noticed the ring of bruises from Ryan’s hands around my neck had darkened in color. I had been so panicked at the time it didn’t even hurt. I trailed my hands down my sides and let out a sigh. Thomas would see them and get upset. I felt better here though. I felt safer. Last night after Ryan screamed and hit in his drunken state he had locked the bedroom door and I just continued to cower in the corner and eventually got up to get ice and nurse my wounds. I hadn’t even changed my clothes this morning because Ryan was still locked in the bedroom. Tears sprung to my eye but I quickly got control of them and finished changing before summoning the courage to walk out into the family room again.

“MY GOD.” Thomas shouted and I looked up from my feet and flinched at his shocked expression.


*Thomas’s POV*

“MY GOD.” I shouted in shocked at the sight before me. Y/N had changed from her turtle neck and dark bruises surrounded her throat. I notice her flinch and immediately tried to restrain the anger that was surfacing. I would fucking kill her boyfriend. When I found out she had a boyfriend before I met her I had stopped making advances despite my feelings. I remember thinking that he must have been one hell of a man because he had the best girl in New York City. Now I knew that she deserved so much better. She deserved not to be hurt like this. I motioned for her to sit down next to me. She quietly walked over and sat up straight. It broke my heart to see her this tense around me.

“Your staying here.” I said with a neutral voice trying not to get emotional and show that I was serious. Her head snapped up and her eyes met mine.

“What?” she questioned slightly shaking.

“I am not letting you go back and be hurt by him. You’re moving in to the guest room and you’re going to be happy because so help me god if I ever have to see you like this again I might commit murder.” I said my voice straining towards the end. Her eyes widened but soon they watered and her lip quivered as she shook her head in acceptance. I immediately turned to jelly from the immense relief overcoming me and grabbed her arm to pull her to me. I laid back and she came with me having her head rest on my chest.

“Only because I love you.” She whispered as I reached for the remote. I tensed for a split second before looking over at her with wide eyes. She seemed nervous but too exhausted to care as she gave me a sheepish smile and looked at me with her eyes lazily half lidded. I immediately acted on instinct and grabbed her arm hoisting her up slightly higher and firmly pressed my lips against hers. She responded and threaded her hands into my hair. We pulled back with a huff and stared at each other minute before I push her head into the juncture between my neck and shoulder. I cradled her with a arm around her waist and the other hand stroking her hair. I took a deep breath.

“Rest darling. I love you too but you are exhausted and you are going to have a hard day tomorrow too with getting your stuff and telling him.” I felt her shake and immediately gripped her tighter. “But I will be there with you baby I promise nothing will hurt you alright?” She relaxed back into my arm and gave a tiny nod into my neck.

“I won’t need to be scared if you’re there.” I heard her whisper, almost to herself. I felt a small amount of pride fill me at her words.

“I am going to put on a movie and cook some food later alright?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“It doesn’t just sound perfect. I intend to make sure it is perfect darling.”

She glanced at me with a smile on her face and I no longer felt helpless.