Day One Hundred and Nineteen
-A woman came through my lane clutching a thick paperback covered by what appeared to be a glistening, shirtless angel, entirely wrapped in chains. The woman’s stare told me two things: she was prepared to physically fight me were I to say anything, and this was not the first time she had mistakenly thought a store had a self-checkout until it was too late.
-A man insisted to me that I had rang him up earlier in the day and he simply did not have his receipt anymore, but, as I had been here under half an hour and had a total of five guests thus far, I could safely say that I had not. He apologized, realizing that he had mistaken me for my manager, and commenting, “All y'all white people look the same to me.” While I am inclined to agree with him on this, I do wonder what he sees in the mirror. This man was whiter than me, not an easy feat.
-An older woman, well into her eighties, made a comment to me that I will never forget. “As they say, I’m a little ‘dragon-aged’ today.” Later, a mother told her daughter to “Scooby up.” I do not know who has ever said these phrases, when, or in what context, but I deeply want this era of slang to stay.
-In a joyful mood brought on by an oncoming visit from my girlfriend, I decided to bring back a guest favorite: a “TAKE ONE” sticker display. This was an unequivocal success, pleasing children by the score. Their enthusiasm could only be matched by a group of guests who, while octogenarian in body, were clearly timeless in soul.
-Much to their mother’s dismay, a sweet yet energetic child insisted upon getting a frappuccino. The mother’s eyes were filled with an existential terror, the likes of which I rarely see without a five-digit number appearing on my register’s screen.
-A mother came through, young son in tow; the boy, in turn, towed along a replica of Thor’s hammer. I felt comforted to have a hero in my store, but this relief was not long to last. Upon the boy being denied gum, Mjolnir was brought down in a mighty thwack upon his mother’s shin. His mother promptly revoked his hammer privileges and summarily squashed what could have been the second-most upsetting turn of a superhero in 2017.
-I passed a girl her parents’ purchase over the counter. She graciously accepted the bag with both hands, smiled at me, turned in her seat, and power-dunked the whole thing into the back of the cart. This was a truly baller move and earned her my utmost respect.
-A woman commented to me on how fun her allergies are. Her young daughter asked if she was joking again. The mother told her that she had been, and explained to me that she had already figured out how sarcasm worked. I remarked that this should be a fun development int he coming years. She remarked that it would be, and so would boarding school in Switzerland. Based on the overall lack of response, I think that this woman is safe. Her daughter has not fully uncovered the depths of sarcasm yet.
-A man began to walk away without his bags. I called after, reminding him not to leave them behind. He thanked me for the reminder and continued to exit the store without them.