my father does not use words like that

KonohaTube (Naruto families headcanon)

Boruto: Mom! Tell that moron I have for a father to stop using my computer.

Hinata: Don’t use those mean words with him; your dad uses your computer because his laptop is for work only. Nara-san keeps a record of what he does with it in case there is an emergency that requires further investigation, and… well, your dad doesn’t want him to know about what he likes to do in his free time.

Boruto: He doesn’t want uncle Nara to know? What could be so embarrasing?

Himawari: Nii-chan, dad has a channel on KonohaTube, didn’t you know? He uploads One Piece AMVs, most of them about pairings. His name online is “BlondieFoxie9″ .

Boruto: Oh God…


Sarada: I hate how KonohaTube keeps on recommending me “BlondieFoxie9′s” channel. The SanjixNami ship she likes so much is stupid, LuffyxNami is the only true end game.

Sasuke: Sarada, if you are done with your pirate shows I want to record the new video for my channel.

Sakura: Darling, you are on KonohaTube?! Oh my… show it to me!!

Sarada: He can’t. Everytime he tries to record a video for his channel, “UchihaTomatoAvenger”, he ends up deleting the whole thing because it’s not good enough. The only video he has is the introduction one promissing to tell the truth about the Uchiha… and he uploaded it three months ago!

Sasuke: I don’t point out enough times how great Itachi was… and that can’t remain untold.


Rock Lee: Three months and this UchihaTomato guy hasn’t told a thing about the Uchiha massacre. He must have be trolling… in which cruel world we live in men forget about their promises?! A nasty, horrible one indeed!!!

TenTen: Stop whining Lee. Check if my new video is already uploaded, KonohaTube needs high quality content.

Rock Lee: High quality content? It’s just you pranking Kakashi and Gai-sensei.

TenTen: To prank is an art, and I’m the best at it. That’s the reason my channel is called “PrankEmpress1010″

Metal Lee: I thought that was because the first 1009 empresses were already taken.

Rock Lee: Metal!!! Turtle Strech for 20 minutes as punishment


Mirai: TenTen-san keeps on doing this stuff? Gai students are the worst.

Temari: Stop giving her visits!

Mirai: Sorry sensei. Let’s go back to training.

Temari: Shikadai! record everything Mirai and I do, and add a popular song later to it. I’m not letting that hot-blooded loser to be more popular than me online.

Shikadai: What a drag… why would shinobi like to see other shinobi training if not to steal their techniques. You didn’t think this through.

Shikamaru: Shhh, do what she wants while I delete the troll comments of this “CloudSamuraiChick”. If your mothers finds out about them I’ll have to listen to her whining all day.


Karui: hahaha, Temari blocked me again from her “SandMilf1outof3″ channel. Now back to bash “YamanakaArt”

ChoCho: That’s Inojin’s channel, not his mom’s

Karui: Yeah, but the one who gets enraged with bad feedback is her. Tomorrow she will be bitching about it.

Chouji: What are you two doing?

ChoCho: There’s no food of hot guys involved, so I guess boring myself to death.


Ino: Who is this disgusting witch saying?! My baby’s art is perfect… PERFECT!!!

Sai: That’s because you haven’t seen it… Ino, don’t hit the screen!

Inojin: You don’t understand my art dad, nobody does. I don’t need these negative vibes… let me watch kittens on Kiba-san’s channel.


Kiba: Muahahahahaha… “HokagePuppy8″ is the most popular channel on KonohaTube. And all thanks to these idiots’ obsession with kittens doing stuff.

Tamaki: I’m so happy you are earning so much money thanks to my babies. Now we can finally pay our wedding.

Kiba: That’s it! We’ll dress Akamaru’s puppy as a groom and that black kitten over there as a bride… I’m a genius!

Tamaki: haha, yeah… but go back to OUR wedding.

Kiba: I can even show up as the priest. Tamaki, sew me a costume!

Tamaki: Are you ignoring me?

Kiba: This is gold!

Tamaki: Yes, you are

I can’t believe I had to read the sentence: “But Luke wasn’t a father figure in anywhere other than his head and Lorelai should have made sure he knew that.”

Lorelai literally said/wrote the words: “ Luke has been a sort of father figure in my daughter’s life.” 

It’s almost like this person thinks Rory was forced to spend time with Luke where as it’s the complete opposite. He didn’t have to make her a coffee cake or blow up balloons or come to her birthday parties. He didn’t have to go to her caterpillar’s funeral. He didn’t have to give her his mother’s pearls. He didn’t have to listen to her when she told him the car accident wasn’t Jess’ fault. He didn’t have to let her in the diner when she showed up suddenly when she and Lorelai were estranged. He didn’t have to attend her high school graduation, but she wanted him there “Okay, good, I want you there.” and he wasn’t going to let her down. Her biological dad was not there for any of these events but Luke was! That speaks volumes! He was there because he loves Rory unconditionally! She may not exactly see him a father figure, but she loves him too and if you try to tell me otherwise I will fight you. 

Rory may have had high hopes for Christopher to be a good dad, but he wasn’t and Luke was a good male role model/father like figure in her life! 

maigonokaze  asked:

Do you/any of your followers know a gender-neutral sign for "parent" in ASL? I know "mom" and "dad" and you can combine those signs to say "parents" (plural), but I don't know what just a nonbinary term for parent would look like. I'm trying to learn ASL so I can teach my kid, but I don't know what sign to teach them to use for me.

I do not speak ASL, so please forgive me if this answer is ignorant. It was the best I could come up with.

It appears that most gendered words in ASL are the same sign done either above the nose (male) or below the nose (female). To make the sign for parent neutral, you could do the motion for mother/father right at nose level.

If anyone who does know ASL has further knowledge about this or a better idea, please share!


my chinese is a long-distance phone call,
staticky and miles away from me.
words breathe up my throat and mouth,
and i choke. i choke and choke on the sounds,
the smooth intonations, the heritage of my past.

my chinese is the sound of the television blaring at home,
the sound of my father’s songs,
sorrowful with words i will never understand.
it is his reminder, the lyrics indecipherable to us,
that he does not belong here.

my chinese is in the trash can.
i failed the class; a small death within me.
a test cannot define me, i say.
but my life is a test, i counter.
made up of the words i cannot speak and the culture i cannot understand.

my chinese is an apology.
对不起, i say. i’m sorry.
i’m sorry for not knowing,
for not knowing the words to tell this poem in chinese,
for not knowing the past that comes with my family.

my chinese is an estranged lover.
small hours spent crying, missing it;
chunks of silence making up for the distance
that we face, sitting next to each other side by side.
it’s a contradiction. like me.

my chinese is clunky.
it is imperfect and gaping,
the blank gaze in others’ eyes when you try to speak.
the tumbling of your tongue in your mouth,
trying to pronounce the words right.

my chinese is an immigrant.
we 出去, go out.
missing its home, missing its destination.
an endless train ride, feeling like you’ll never get there;
but with too much pride to return home.

my chinese is who i am.
it completes me, fills in the gaps.
but just like me, it isn’t good.
it isn’t beautiful, it isn’t pleasing.
but for now, it’s enough.

i’m enough.

—  MY CHINESE IS // a. v. n.


Dr. Chuck Tingle has authored some of the 21st Century’s most important works, including I’m Gay for My Billionaire Jet Plane, Vampire Night Bus Pounds My Butt and the extraordinarily timely Hunter Dentist Pounded in the Butt by Cecil the Handsome Unicorn.

Having requested an interview, Kindle Cover Disasters was given the rare honor of talking to the writer, father and Tae Kwon Do Master. What follows can only be described as the most illuminating and erotic discourse in the history of words.

KCD: Please talk us through your writing process. What does your typical work day look like?

CT: typical day in Billings is waking up early for meditation and thinking up new tinglers. gotta start off with a big spagetti breakfast first though (try not to get stains on your sheets you goofball thats not a cool guy look and it makes you sleep bad when youve got sauce in your hair) Most of the time me and son name of Jon will walk to Starbucks and talk about all sorts of fun stuff, then he goes to work and I keep watch over the house in case Ted Cobbler (DEVILMAN) tries to sneak in a cast a spell. Sometimes ill sing songs to the bird in the alley out back and they sing to me too and tell me secrets from the neighborhood.

I understand you were awarded your PhD by DeVry University. What was your experience of this prestigious educational institution?

Devry is a VERY FAMOUS school with lots of doctors and other handsome types (big timers in suits sayin “whacha gonna do hot shot, KISS ME?”) this is an important place for all men who kiss and for scientific evidence that love is real.  Most of the time going there is just sitting at your computer screen typing questions that your son jon left for you. makes me feel like a buckaroo and THATS THAT next question.

When you sit down to write a Tingler do you outline first or simply go where the mood takes you?

thanks when i write tinglers I like to have the idea planned out in my head like whos kissing who or whats gonna happen when the plane has cute abs. then i start to write and the funny feeling gets going kinda embarrasing you know? but thats how i know its a good tingler. that takes a whole day of real hard work and then I give it to my son for editing. he is so handsome with really great calves and abs hes been working on them so hard and im so happy for him. (one day i want to be just like my son he is my everything and he is the worlds most PERFECT man in a normal way nothing weird). PLEASE UNDERSTAND that it is normal for a man to want to watch his son LEARN his body and want to be inside of him like a growing twin.

You’re known to design your own highly lauded and remarkably attention-grabbing book covers. How important do you think a book’s cover is to its success?

covers are very important thats my favorite part of all tinglers. just find a nice photo of a handsome man and put him into the story, make it looks like everyones having a good time like nobody fights or ever yells. words show that love is the soul of books and covers show that imagination is real. thanks.

Your books tend to be fairly short in length. Do you have any plans to write a more substantial Tingler?

tinglers are suppose to be short like a little kick in the pants to get you going thats just the way the cookie crumbles. sometimes longer is better though so I have novel called Helicopter Man Pounds Dinosaur Billionaire Ass and also working on new novel about the Unicorn Butt Cops: Billings Division teaming up with a regular old office wizard that is very, very long like an epic lord of the rings with butt pounding thank you.

How do you deal with negative reviews? (assuming you’ve experienced them).

all negative reviews are hacks from the scoundrel TED COBBLER evil man who lives down the street and causes most crime in Billings. he is a snake in the grass and a devilman with no soul. Ted Cobbler hacked into the amazon mainframe and said bad things about books for real love but guess what buddy CAUGHT YOU now you look like a goofball just like when you drive down the street in your hotshot new car nobody cares idiot.

What do you do to relax between books?

used to relaxed with Tae Kwon Do but some goofball parents said i was too old for the glass anymore so now ive been working on spells and new ways of looking at ideas like an idea about turning the air into milk and that kind of thing. cant think too much anymore though when my wifes ghost is hanging around moaning all night or sitting in the tub in the dark.

Who are you favorite writers?

Stephens King, Mike Criton and Chibs Pratt espically when that wrote book name of CLOWN MAN. Also book name of CIRLCE about a guy underwater who likes to imagine octopus arms and guess what buddy there coming out in real life. this is proof that imagination in the soul of real books for all men.

What words of wisdom do you have for other authors looking to make inroads into the erotic milieu?

dont know what a meleu is but probably tell them that books make love real so write those.  best thing to do is write from your heart make up stories that make you tingle deep down inside your butts heart or maybe things about kissing that makes you want to cover your eyes but take a peek?

Finally, what question do you wish I’d asked but didn’t?

please ask question about REMOVING MY OWN SKIN to be a more handsome man. thanks.

Dr. Chuck Tingle’s Complete Guide to Romance is available for purchase HERE.

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.
—  James 1:16-18

((Some spoilers for the season 11 finale, as well as previous seasons, below.))

Or, the conversation that I imagine happened between Chuck and Castiel while they were waiting for the end of times. 

Taken place in the bar during 11x23 while Dean is with Amara. 

Warnings: angst. Anger. Bitterness. 

Word count: 741

Author’s note: likely not my best writing, but… it’s a conversation I wanted to have happen that didn’t. I tried to keep it as in-character as I could. Still getting used to writing these guys, though. Hope you enjoy!

Originally posted by netflixruinedmylifeimagines

“Hello, Father.”

Chuck grimaces in pain as he shifts in the wooden booth, looking up at Castiel who stands before him. The angel towers over him for a moment, and Chuck does his best to sit up a bit more.


Across the room, everyone looks over at the two of them. Crowley and Rowena turn back to their drinks a moment later, but Sam keeps his eyes on the exchange as he rubs the amulet between his fingers, his previous thoughts of his brother being pushed to the back of his mind for a moment. He doesn’t know what’s going to come of this, but if the way Lucifer reacted to God was any indication, Sam had the sinking feeling this wasn’t going to go well.

Chuck nods to the seat across from him but, for the moment, Castiel remains standing. The angel doesn’t say anything, and Chuck shifts uncomfortably again. “Been a while,” Chuck says with forced friendliness.

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he asked me, “what happened to you? you always used to be so forgiving. when you were little you never held a grudge.” the he is my father and little does he know, i am still so small and i am trying so hard to be forgiving. i forgive every single person the moment that they hurt me. the problem is, i remember everything. i remember the nights mom didn’t come home, how she didn’t come for weeks at a time and i would cry myself to sleep, hoping you would come home and hold me like all my other friends mothers did. forgive me, if i often take after the same habits, i just really don’t like being home. i remember the time you called me selfish and to this day, every time i say one god damn thing about myself, i panic. i remember the days mom spent in the bathroom just staring at herself in the mirror. she never answered any calls and i had to be the mother figure. i was only twelve and i had to take care of everything in the house. so forgive me, if sometimes i don’t have enough strength to leave my room it’s just that i cannot hold up the house and deal with you telling me, “you need to do more.” i remember the nights you guys spent fighting, how i wasn’t allowed out of my room but i would press my hand and ear to the wall and just listen to you guys, all night. and yet you wonder why i have never been a “good child” and slept all night long. maybe it’s because i can still hear the fighting if i try hard enough, maybe it’s because your other daughter took after you too. maybe it’s because her hearts too loving and she sticks with a man who turns her face black and blue with the back of his hand, but he tells me, “well, doesn’t she look pretty today?” and i nod with my mouth shut because she doesn’t look pretty with your hand around her throat and you are so fucking scary with shards of broken bottles of alcohol stuck between your teeth. forgive me, if i don’t sleep enough it’s just that i am terrified of someone needing something and me not being there because i know how it feels to have a hand clamped over your mouth while you are crying alone in your room. i know, because i have grown up doing that. because mom told me, “calling yourself ugly is no way to get a mans attention!” but who said i wanted a mans attention, maybe i just wanted to fucking feel pretty, mom. its kind of hard to do that when you won’t believe me when i tell you the kids at school are being mean again. so when you ask why i don’t open up to you, that’s why. because you told me i was lying, because i needed love but all i ever heard was “you are selfish, self absorbed, you need to do more.” and i am trying. i have ripped out so much of me and put it all into everyone else and still i forgive them but forgive me, if i cannot stand up straight because you ripped my back bone right out of me and told me “don’t be cruel.” and now i have nothing to lean on. because when i was crying, you told me to stop, that me crying made you feel like a terrible parent, that i was placing the blame on you. i am sorry each tear seemed like a steady steam of blame, but it wasn’t. it was a steady stream of, “im sorry. im sorry. im sorry.” because that’s what you raised me on. but still i must be forgiving right? so i forgive you for making me cringe every time someone raise their voice at me, and i forgive you for making me speak so softly no one can hear a thing but can’t you forgive me for not always being the one holding everything up? because when i close my eyes i am still so little and when i press my hand and ear to the door i can still hear your yelling.
—  please, can you quiet down? i am trying to sleep tonight. // ig writingmyself