my family would be disappointed with me

when my dad died, the most fucked up amongst the family was the dog. She loved hanging out with him when he got back from his late shift, and they’d snore together. When he died, suddenly, Chelsea would sit by the door waiting for him, and there isn’t a langage to convey that he wasn’t coming back again, so she would just wait by the front door. And everytime it opened you could see the disappointment. Can’t explain. It just was, and frankly it made the disastrous week even worse. When I moved out of my parents place, it apparently was the same thing with me, but she would be so happy wheni came back home. And now I don’t know if ill be able to see her before she gets puts down, and it really is fucking me up two klonopin style. Things have been bad this late summer but honestly, this is the worst. Goddamn dogs man. 

anonymous asked:

So I came out to my dad as a witch and he actually hates me now. He said he was disappointed in me, and said he would "rather that you go down your mother's path instead of this one" (my mom's an atheist) (my dad's a christian)

anon, its ok if you have to go back in for your own safety. its not an obligation to be out to your family.

youtube

Hi no offense because I love Supergirl with my whole heart but this is literally the worst and most lazy writing I’ve ever seen on TV.  This is terrible.  Maggie’s father abandons his fourteen-year-old child and then once she’s all grown up they just…  hug?  This isn’t realistic. It makes me want to cry.  I still have hope for Supergirl (ish), but I’m just disappointed.  I was really hoping that they would show something real, and raw, and relatable to people who have been abandoned or disowned by their family for the same sort of issues.  And…  Does he just not care that she’s gay anymore??  Is he just going to casually meet Alex in the next scene?  I really hope that the writers add more to this during the episode.  Honestly, Maggie’s dad doesn’t deserve a second chance, though I can see why Maggie would want to give him one.  But like this?  I want to throw up.

And I swear to god if they just give the relationship a happy little fix at the end of the episode…

Fuck him.  Fuck Maggie’s dad.  How can you abandon your child and then show up ten or something (? don’t want to math) years later and talk like nothing happened? Fuck Maggie’s mom too. Seriously. I can’t even fathom leaving your kid?  Who’s FOURTEEN. Just leaving them helpless in the world?  Someone like that has no soul. I’m not a mom but I can’t even let my little sister walk across the street to the grocery store by herself without getting anxious. Maggie shouldn’t have to forgive them or settle on a happy little fix.  Ugh.

I’m adopting Maggie, so I’m officially her mom now.  She deserves so much better than them.  I hope J’onn beats up Maggie’s dad.

Anyway sorry I usually try not to post anything negative but I just wanted to say this somewhere.  Does anyone have any thoughts about this sneak peek?

Not All Men

“Not all men are rapists,” my Dad would grunt as he scrolled through his friends’ Facebook profiles and read the articles about sexual assault they’d posted.

“Not all men are abusive,” my Dad would mutter as he did research to disprove the domestic violence statistics that bothered him so much.

“Not all men are like him,” I’d mouth to myself, as Dad threw Mom across the room for having the temerity to contradict something he’d said.

After hurting her one night, he came to my room a few hours later. “You’re a sweet boy,” he told me. “I know you’d never harm a woman, no matter how much she deserved it. Not all men are like me. You don’t have a temper.”

I did have a temper, though. And I seethed.

Years later, I left for college an angry, confused young man.

I started off as a good student, but things began to decline as news from home trickled into my inbox. “Mom had to get stitches,” my sister wrote one day. “I’m off to the dentist to have a tooth capped!,” Mom wrote another time, leaving out all context about why. I knew.

I started drinking. My grades slipped. Depression spiraled, and while my rage remained internalized, I knew things were getting bad. I resented the women who turned down my advances. I’d say things about them behind their back - terrible, unforgivable things. My loneliness and isolation worsened. I sought out violent, misogynistic pornography. I hated myself for enjoying it as much as I did. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was what turned my father on, too.

At the end of the semester, I was looking forward to Christmas. I’d hoped the break from school would help ease the tension I felt. I wanted to be home with my family. I knew I’d be going back to the source of all my problems, but I didn’t care. Familiarity was preferable to being alone.

It turned out things had only gotten worse. Without me there, my father was out of control. Somehow my presence had been a kind of mediator without my knowing it. In some ways, he hadn’t wanted to disappoint me, his only son, by acting like how he truly wanted to when I had been living at home.

There were no brakes on that ride anymore.

Dad drank more than ever. Raged more than ever. And it seemed almost like second nature for him to push my mother or my sister out of his way with little regard for the force he used or where they’d end up as a result.
At Christmas dinner, we were gathered around the table. The family seemed to be in a decent enough mood after a day of Dad being on his best behavior. They were using the opportunity to enjoy the day. They were laughing and joking and celebrating. I couldn’t, though. I was overwhelmed by the stress. Stress from school. Stress from loneliness. Stress from my family. For the first time in my life, I felt like I might be losing control.

I did my best to put on a facade of good humor. I smiled and faked my way through dinner and most of dessert. Then my sister said something that I couldn’t laugh off. Something that stuck with me.

“I heard your ex Kayla is with Kevin Davis now. Talk about an upgrade, right?” She, and everyone else, laughed.

In any other situation, I would’ve laughed too. Kevin Davis was gorgeous. I had no residual feelings for Kayla, and I should have been happy that she’d gotten with such a good-looking guy. But all my feelings of rejection from the past few months bubbled to the surface. I started to breathe heavily. The room spun. Years of constant stress and anger and fear condensed in a wave, and everything went white.

Seconds later, when my vision returned, my mother was screaming. Dad had backed away from the table and was staring at me with fear and bewilderment. I looked at my sister. The remains of my sister. Half her head had been sheared away. Brain matter oozed onto the table and mixed with her plate of Christmas cookies.

Mom was hysterical and had rushed to my sister’s side. She was trying, with no success, to push the brain back into her daughter’s skull.

I felt hollow. Confused. The whole thing was so surreal that part of me thought I was in a nightmare. But then my father started to speak. Reality rushed in with a sickening jolt.

“You have a gift, Frank,” he told me. He spoke slowly. Methodically. I realized he was frightened. I’d never seen him like that.

“I didn’t know you had it,” he continued. I don’t. But your great grandfather did.” He paused. “Not all men can do that,” Dad whispered. “Not all men are like you.”

“Not all men.” The words swirled in my head and I thought back to every time he’d uttered those words. I felt nauseous. I flashed back to him sitting on the side of my bed, knuckles bruised from hitting my mother, saying that not all men were as horrible as he was. Yet here I was. Even worse. I closed my eyes and everything went white again. I felt a warm spray hitting my face. In the distance, there was another shriek from my mother.

I opened my eyes. My father had disappeared. The room was dripping with his blood. Steaming entrails stuck from the ceiling and, piece by piece, fell onto the table and saturated carpet.

Mom was huddled in the corner, sobbing. I got up from the table and she shrank back, muttering “get away from me” over and over and over between ragged breaths.

I surveyed the carnage. Then I left and never looked back. I’ve been on the run ever since. All day, every day, I hear my father’s voice echoing in my mind. “Not all men are like this,” and “not all men are like you.” I had believed him. Now, no matter where I go, when I see mens’ faces, I can’t help but wonder.

The Price Of Everything // The Preacher’s Daughter Part Six [A Mitch Rapp Smut]

Author: @minhosmeanhoe

Series: Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

Relationship: Mitch Rapp x Reader / Mitch Rapp x OFC

Warnings: NSFW, Explicit Sexual Content, Smut, Fingering, Shower Sex, Unprotected Sex, Hella Violence, Extreme Angst, Mitch Rapp Suffering, Very Illegal Endeavors, Underage Drinking, and Swearing.

Word Count: 11,884

Song: One More Time by Jon Bellion (this song is fucking hilarious and a big middle finger to Rose’s dad)

A/N: Grab popcorn and some tissues ‘cuz y’all are in for one hell of a rollercoaster ride. This is my favorite chapter yet, I really love it. Special thanks to @mf-despair-queen​ for providing me with canon American Assassin information. Love ya, babe. Also, can’t wait for your reactions at the end lol I might get death threats.

The air stilled and you could feel the thick tension dancing on your skin. In that frozen second that we realized my father had heard it all, I see his eyes flicker from mine to Mitch’s. Never in my life had I ever seen so much hatred in a man who believed in nothing but pure love before. Other than that, his face is completely unreadable which made it really hard to expect his upcoming action. Something I never would have thought to see my father do — never in my life.

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anonymous asked:

Please do a preference or blurb where Gemma or Anne don't like you or think that you're using him for money (which makes you really insecure about him buying you stuff)and Harry finds out about it and is really upset about it.

You didn’t come from a wealthy family. In fact, most of your childhood was spent scraping for your last dollar hidden in couch cushions and eating less when your parents were in between jobs. 

That being said, you weren’t poor either. Your parents could afford to send you to a good school, and you came home each day able to do your homework to earn good grades, without having to deal with any extra work. You were just strictly middle class. 

When you met Harry, you were in your second year of university, and in the midst of all your student debt, Harry showed you what it felt to have no regard whatsoever for the price of things. He took you to amusement parks and sent you gifts you’ve been eyeing for months. Of course, these were just little side effects.

Harry was kind and humorous and treated you like you have never been treated before. Within the first few months of you two dating, he acted as if he was still courting you. Flowers and chocolates were sent almost weekly, and you spent every waking moment (apart from attending school, of course) with him. You were madly in love.

“I want you to meet my family.”

You and Harry were ice skating when he suddenly pulled you to a stop and took your face into his palms. His breath was visible in the air between you two, and his green eyes were bright and vivid. You stammer, “M-Meet y-your f-family? Like n-now?”

He chuckles, brushing back a stray piece of your hair, and says, “Not now. But soon.”

“How soon?”

Harry’s smile doesn’t break. “My birthday.”

Your knees suddenly start to buckle, and Harry catches you in time before you have the chance to fall. “Your birthday is in a week,” you huff, stabilising yourself back on the ice. “I thought it was just going to be the two of us. Cuddled up in bed the entire day…or something.” You add the last part to make it didn’t seem as if you were greatly looking forward to the plan. You were. A day with just him and no one else? Nothing was better.

“Yeah,” Harry stretches the word out, and you see the shift in attitude in his eyes. “But I was thinking, since my mum and Gemma are gonna be in London that week, we could just invite them over.”

“We’ve been together for a year,” you hesitate. “Would Gemma and Anne really–?”

“Yes.” Harry interrupts, pressing a kiss to your shaking lips. “I love you and you love me. I want my family to see how happy we are.”

You think for a minute, not ready to meet the two most important women in his life, but also not wanting to disappoint the soon-to-be birthday boy. “Okay,” you sigh, finally giving in.

“Good, because I already invited them over to stay with us.”




“Harry! I haven’t seen you in forever!”

Your hands are shaking in the pockets of your pants as you watch Anne and Gemma tumble over the threshold and into Harry’s waiting arms. You stand to the side of the room, by the fireplace, unsure as to what to do or what to say. Luckily, Harry sensed your nervousness and after embracing both women, he gestured towards you with a bright smile. “This is Y/N. She’s the one I’ve been talking about.”

“More like endlessly rambling about,” murmured Gemma and she and Anne shared a laugh. You smile as Harry’s mother walks over to hug you, and keep smiling when Gemma’s arms wrap around you. 

Harry announces, “I’m going to go make some drinks and snacks for all of us. You three get to know each other. I have a feeling you will be seeing each other a lot.”

And with that, he leaves the room. You sit down on the nearest sofa, and Gemma and Anne follow suit, both stopping to remove their coats first. “So,” you try, “how was the travel–”

“That’s a nice belt,” Gemma interrupts. You frown, glancing down at your waist. “Is that Gucci?”

You nod. “Harry got it for me on my birthday. I begged him not to but–”

“But you accepted it anyways,” Anne finishes, her voice laced with poison. 

“Yes,” you whisper under your breath. 

“Where did you go to university, Y/N?” Gemma asks.

“Oxford.”

“Wow. Ivy league. You must be drowning in student debt right now.”

“Yeah,” you smile, thinking she was joking. “I can barely afford–”

“Those boots?” Anne chirps in. “Are those Harry’s?”

You look down to see that they, indeed, were. You didn’t even notice. You just needed something comfy to slip your freezing feet into. “I guess they are,” you murmur. 

Gemma clears her throat, and it makes you look up at the female version of your boyfriend. “Harry wears his heart on his sleeve, bless him, but he is often blind when women like you come sneaking along. But not me. And not Anne. Harry might think you love him, but you don’t have us fooled, you money-digging–”

“Snacks!” Harry bursts out from the kitchen at that exact second, and you have enough time to wipe away a single tear before he places down a giant plate of crackers in front of you all. “The drinks are still inside, but I was too excited to wait.”

Anne knits her eyebrows together, and she’s smiling that easy smile that makes Harry believe it never left her face. “Too excited for what?”

But Harry’s already reaching into the coat cabinet, and pulls out a hidden box wrapped in bright red. He walks over to you, beaming, and says, “For you, my sweetheart.”

Your lips part in surprise, and even though you don’t take your eyes off of Harry’s, you can sense Gemma and Anne glaring at you. “What is this?” You ask as Harry drops it onto your lap.

“A little something. Open it and see.” He drops his head to the side and looks up at you with loving eyes. You bite the inside of your cheek as you start to unwrap it.

“What is it?” Gemma asks, peeking over her brother’s shoulder. “Shit.”

Diamonds are reflected in her eyes. Harry explains, “I had it custom made for you. See? It’s my name and your name loosely written on the sides. You lost your bracelet last week, and I wanted to make it up to you.”

“But it’s not even my birthday,” you whisper, eyes glazing over. It was beautiful. Too beautiful for your hands to touch.

“I know,” he presses a kiss to the side of your head. “But you make me so happy, I just couldn’t resist. I was going to give it to you after the night was over as a thank you for meeting my family, but I couldn’t wait.”

“Harry,” you whisper, tears threatening to spill. You still don’t dare to touch it. “You shouldn’t have.”

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but Anne interrupts, “Harry, I think the drinks are getting cold.” Harry looks up at his mother, and then back at you, before disappearing back into the kitchen.

“Why aren’t you smiling?” Gemma hisses. “This is what you want, isn’t it? This is why you have him wrapped around your finger.”

“I love him,” you murmur softly. “I love him with all my heart. I would love him if he had nothing.”

Anne shrugs. “Even if that’s true, I guess we’ll never know now.”

“I love him!” You repeat, louder, more frantic than before. A tear spills onto the bracelet that is still wrapped up in velvet.

“Then why don’t you just rip that bracelet apart?” Gemma barks. “Rip it to prove that it doesn’t matter.”

“It’s expensive,” you murmur. “It’s priceless. I can’t possibly…I can’t…”

“That’s because you don’t want to,” Anne snarls. “Gemma is right. You’re nothing but a gold digger. A nasty gold digger that is going to stay away from Harry from now on.”

“Drinks!” Harry strides into the room (again, at the worst timing possible), and immediately notices the tension. “What happened?”

You immediately rise from your seat, picking up his present for you and discarding it on the table. “I don’t feel too well,” you lie. “I’m going to go rest for a bit.”

“Do you want your–” You didn’t even have to turn around to know that Harry was pointing towards your bracelet.

“No.”


You don’t know how much time has passed. Hours, probably. Gemma and Anne have already left. The house is quiet. Harry climbs into bed and sighs, “If you don’t like it, you can just tell me.”

You furrow your eyebrows. “Don’t like what?”

He looks at you pointedly. “The bracelet.” He replies obviously. “I can return it and exchange it for whatever you want tomorrow. Just say the word.”

“Don’t,” you blurt out. “Get a refund and donate the cash to charity.”

“Huh?”

This is when he notices the huge pile of things in the corner of the room. “Is that–?” All the things that Harry has ever bought you were placed in the corner of the room. He whips his head back to you. “What’s wrong? Did Anne or Gemma say anything?”

“No,” you whisper. He can tell you’re lying in less than second. 

“What did they say?” He pulls you closer to him. “Tell me.”

“Nothing,” you try again, but he’s not buying it. Finally, you confess, “They said I was just using you for money…” Tears start to build up in your eyes again, and this time, they fall. “They said…They said I was a gold digger…but..but Harry I’m not, and I tried to tell them, but they wouldn’t listen.”

Harry’s breath catches in his throat. Then, without warning, he immediately jumps out of bed and rushes to where his phone lays on top of his cabinet. “What are you doing?” You ask, nose already started to clog up from the tears. 

He presses his phone against his ear, and in less than a beat, he’s screaming, “DID YOU CALL Y/N A GOLD DIGGER?” Oh shit. “How dare you accuse the woman I love–” He pauses, face scrunching up in disgust at whatever is being said from the other line. “All that is untrue. What kind of stories have you been reading? I’m not speaking to you both until an apology is issued.” 

And with that, he hangs up the phone. 

“Harry, you didn’t have to do that,” you say as he crawls back into bed with you.

“I don’t have to do a lot of things. I don’t have to buy you stuff you don’t need, but I do because I want to show you how much I love you. I don’t have to devote my entire life to writing songs, but I do because I would never prefer doing something else. But what I need to do is to make sure that my girlfriend knows that she is an important part of who I am, and to make sure no one tells her anything else.”


this is so shit and i might rewrite it but i felt so bad for not writing in a while so i just needed to post something but might take it down later because i am so unhappy with this ending. 

I went to go see Jurassic World again, this time with my family. And as I was driving my little brother back to his house, he expressed disappointment that the original cast (bar the scientist and the t-rex) didn’t make appearances. Then he said something that set me off in a Jurassic Wonderland of wasted possibility.

“What I want to know is why the two kids weren’t running the place. Why was some strange lady in charge of the park, instead of Lex? Why was some navy guy in charge of the raptors instead of Tim?”

And I just… can you imagine what the movie would have been if that had been the case instead?

Imagine that at some point, there wasn’t a choice. Hammond’s will allowed for the continuation of the park, or a creation of a new one, and InGen was going to do it with or without Lex and Tim, but the kids remembered what happened to them when they were little. They remembered, and they knew it would happen again. Of course it would. But they agree to it, they go back, because they figure that they can at least be there to handle the fallout. So they go back, they help design things, they fight for every precaution and for every reactionary defense. The park will never be safe, but they’re going to do everything in their power to ensure that if it’s happening anyway, they’ve got their hands in it to ensure the least damage and loss possible.

So Lex get put in charge of the park- the computer system isn’t just something she uses- she fucking designed it. She designed it and worked on programming it. She was the one who designed the tracking system they use with all the dinosaurs because she needs to be able to assure herself of where every single one of them is at any time, and she carries a tablet with her that does just that- taps into the network and shows dino locations. She fights the board on every new carnivore they want to create; It’s a bad idea, she tells them. Carnivores eat meat which in case you have not noticed, humans happen to coincidentally be made of meat. She also doesn’t just track the dinosaurs- there’s no way anyone will ever suffer through what she and Tim and Grant did. Every visitor to the island has a wristband that talks to the mainframe and gives their location at all times.

And Tim, head of the animal care and behavior department with his wife, Kelly (you know, Ian Malcolm’s daughter from the second movie). They don’t just know know anything about the dinosaurs; they know EVERYTHING about these dinosaurs. Tim has Hammond’s hearteyes wonder mentality partnered with Grant’s thirst for knowledge and fueled by his own curiosity and experiences. Kelly has her dad’s caution and her mom’s free spirit and drive for pushing boundaries. They are there for every birth, and have their hands in the raising and care of all the dinosaurs. Like Grant, Tim has a soft spot for the raptors, and they have a soft spot for him as well, after he raises them himself, imprints them on himself and Kelly at their island-side residence.

And we mustn’t forget Eric, the kid Grant and his team saved from one of the islands when he crashed on it parasailing. Eric survived down there on an island full of dinosaurs when pretty much no one else could have survived even a few days. He’s the one out in the field, in charge of containment and tactical defenses for when (not if, WHEN) things go wrong. Because they will. They’ve been waiting 10 years for it to go wrong. They’ll continue waiting, ready.

Imagine the look on all their faces when InGen admits that a dinosaur was created behind their backs, a hybrid of several species, because someone wanted to create more ‘wow’ for the park. Only what they created wasn’t what they meant to create. This new dino is smarter than anything they’ve ever made before. Bigger than the T-Rex. Stronger. It surprises everyone with it’s ability to mask its heat and change its skin color. It’s a mistake but ohhh what a mistake- the InGen folks have hearts in their eyes thinking about how they could apply these changes to raptors.

Imagine Lex’s utter outrage at being lied to, but now that the life has been created she can’t just take it. The animal didn’t ask to be born, but now that it has been, she ensures that it has what amounts to a bomb-proof enclosure in a remote section of the island. Heat sensors, sound sensors, tracking device, motion sensors- this thing has got the works in her pen. Lex forbids opening it as an attraction, this enclosure is for containment only. And the would-be social creature, deprived of social interaction with humans or its own kind or with anyone really, becomes the Indominus Rex we see in the actual movie; she does not understand boundaries or dominance or good behavior.

But the movie dynamics are now shifted. Instead of the park destroying itself from within, it is under attack from without. It isn’t because Lex was careless about security. There is no tension between Lex and Tim outside of normal brother/sister banter. Imagine that InGen wants those raptors badly enough to force a field test of them- imagine they purposefully release Indominus, thinking Tim’s raptor squad can beat it. Imagine the moment Lex asks him if the squad is ready for search and rescue, and he agrees they are.

Imagine Tim and Lex gearing up to go into the wilds of their park because there are people stranded at the far end. Imagine a movie where the wholesale destruction and terror are not because everyone is ill-equipped to handle the situation (because Lex and Tim? They’ve made fucking preparations for this shit, they have thought of everything for this kind of situation) but instead a story about how all of those preparations mean shit against this superdino. She outsmarts them like the Clever Girl she is, avoiding traps, clawing out her tracker, taking out their electricity, setting free the other dinosaurs. She talks to Tim’s raptor children, and they walk away with her- imagine how CRUSHED he is to see Blue just… leave him.

Imagine half the movie following two young girls, strangers, who got put together on the rolly ball ride. One is a mechanic’s daughter who can disassemble and reassemble whole cars if she wanted, who fiddles with the ride to let them free-roll anywhere they want. Imagine she does it because the other girl is a younger trans girl who has spent her whole life admiring Dr. Ellie Satler and wanting to be a paleobotanist just like her, but the ride doesn’t get close enough to the plants for her to see them well. Imagine that they escape Indominus by ducking under a plant that the botanist-in-training recognizes as basically a giant ancient fucking nettle plant and Indominus takes one faceplant into it before deciding WOW NOT WORTH IT BYE. And the two girls stick together until they meet up with Lex and Tim who are out trying to find the rolly ball inhabitants that went off road because they are the last two left, and Lex has been following their wristband signals.

Indominus finds the InGen beach camp and attacks with her new raptor compatriots. Lex and Tim, after seeing all the civilians (including the two young girls) safely to boats, split up to come to the rescue, Lex with Eric and Tim with Kelly. Tim and Kelly win back their raptor clan (let’s be real, they didn’t have to win them, they left to gather intel on the iRex) while Lex comes charging down the beach in the original Jeep the mechanic’s daughter fixed, road flares tied to the roll bars and madam Queen-of-All T-Rex chasing after her to start the final showdown.

No giant seamonster needed- T-Rex + Raptor Squad + InGen army + Lex and Tim and Kelly and Eric are enough to bring down Indominus. Barely, but they win. And T-Rex is there, but she’s had quite enough fighting against raptors after the first movie, and so she leaves, heading into the jungle to let the humans recover.

Lex fires everyone at InGen. They go get ice cream from the cafeteria and Tim eats an entire chocolate pie by himself. They call Grant the next day and say “You are possibly the only person who will believe the day we just had.”

Petname Babygirl II pt. 4

Yoongi x reader, Jimin

genre: smut, angst, dom!yoongi

word count: 10k


After having sex with Yoongi in the middle of the living room you are faced with some attractive stranger, who turns out to be your boss’ brother.

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He Was Right

Request:  Reader is close to the glee club and has gone to school with them since freshman year) Sebastian left his phone at the Lima Bean and someone from the glee club found it. They look through it to see pics of reader and Seb like kissing each other, hugging and cute pics that you would have of your significant other. They ask him about it only to find him and reader talking about date plans and the glee Club finding out when he realizes that he left his phone at the Lima Bean. The entire glee club enters the room and tells them the gig’s up. They confess and the glee club accepts it. - @irony-is-my-life

Pairing: Sebastian Smythe x Reader

Notes: So I made a few changes. I hope you don’t mind. It’s late and not very well written. I’m sorry if it’s not your favorite. You can always request another one, though. My ask is always open. Also everyone’s a lil bit OOC.


Bells jingled and laughter poured into the local cafe called the Lima Bean. “And then Finn tripped over his books and slid down the hall!” Rachel was giggling through her retelling of an incident with an unsuspecting student and a distracted Finn walking the halls of McKinley. “Hey. I think it was a pretty graceful dive. I only tripped three other people.” Rachel, Finn, Blaine, Kurt, Santana and Artie were making a stop at the Lima Bean to get a little recharged before the weekend was over.

“Hey guys, I’ll catch up in a minute.” “Alright Finn. Don’t be long,” Rachel smiled.

Striding over to the bathroom, something caught his eye before he made it to the door. ‘Someone left their phone here. That’s rough.” Finn thought to himself. ‘I wonder who’s it is.’ Thinking he was doing the right thing, he started looking through the phone and opened up the photos app since it was the first thing he saw. Scrolling through the pics, the screen was filled with red, black and white. Finn cringed as the Warbler symbol flashed across the phone. About ready to just turn the phone in to the cashier, a familiar face caught his eye.. ‘(y/n)?’

“Hey guys!” Finn yelled as he approached his friends. “Oh there you are, Finn. We were wondering what took you.” Artie scrutinized his fellow singer. “You’ll never believe what I found.” Finn had everyone’s attention now.

“Well? What is it?” Santana. Always one to be straight to the point. “I found this phone sitting at a deserted table and so I tried to figure out who it might belong to. So I started looking through their photos-”

“Hold on, hold on,” Santana interrupted. “You tried to find someone’s identity by looking through their pictures?” “Where did you possibly find that knowledge?” Kurt questioned. “Never mind that. Look who’s in the pictures.”

Finn showed the group the picture of (y/n). “So it (y/n)’s phone? Big deal.” Santana stared at Finn as if he grew another head, completely confused.

“Yeah, no. It’s a Warbler’s phone. See?” He then showed them the Warbler symbol. “Let me see that,” Blaine took the phone and started swiping. “..holy crap. I think I might puke. Oh gosh!”

“Blaine! What is it?” Everyone hollered at their raven haired friend. Saying nothing, he held up the phone. Cue collective gasp.

*At Dalton Academy*

“Okay guys. Here’s the plan. We go in and confront that sniveling snake about what he thinks he’s doing with our (y/n). Then we use whatever means necessary to keep him away from our baby.” Santana sneered at the thought of Smythe. “Agreed.” All were in agreement then.

Storming up the stairs of the school, the group made their way to the Warbler’s practice room. Sneaking up to the door, the singers heard voices conversing inside. “Good. Okay. They’re in there. Let’s go.” Finn was ready to ‘talk’ to Sebastian. “Hold up a second,” Artie spoke. “I think.. there’s a girl’s voice..”

Everyone crowded the door, trying to hear. “-last time. Maybe we could hit up the ice cream parlor then head on over to the beach?” “Really? Seb, don’t you think that they’d see us?” “Come on, babe. I want to show you off. I really don’t care about your friends seeing us. In fact, it’d be a good thing. Maybe I can prove to them that it’s a good thing we’re together. I really love you and I’m sure they’ll be able to see that. Even if they don’t want to.” Sebastian had been trying to convince you to tell the New Directions for a while now. Everything he said was either shot down or flat out ignored. You really did care about Sebastian, but it’d be so hard for you if your friends, best friends, disapproved of your relationship.

“Sebastian. I know you really want to tell them.. it’s just,” you heaved a sigh loud enough for your eavesdropping friends to hear. “It’s just that if they didn’t approve of us, if they didn’t like us together, if they’d tried to break us apart.. it would kill me. I love you so much, but they might not love us together. They’re still my friends. My family. I just don’t think I’m ready.”

From the other side of the door, your friends were looking at each other like they were thoroughly disappointed with themselves, not you. “I can’t believe (y/n) feels like she can’t trust us with this. I feel so.. terrible,” Blaine was completely distraught that you felt that way.

“I know. We reacted so harshly when we found out, though. No wonder she felt like she couldn’t tell us. Ugh! I feel like a terrible friend,” Rachel was almost in tears now. “Hey, we all feel horrible. She’s our baby girl and we can’t have her feeling like we won’t support any decision she makes. Even if it is to date that..” Kurt stops as he sees his friends giving him wary looks. “..that great..singer..”

They all looked at each other in confirmation and pushed open the grand doors. Both heads inside snapped up to the intruders. “Guys? Wh-wh-what are you doing here?” Panic was evident in your eyes. Sebastian discreetly took your hand in his, the action not going unnoticed.

“We know, (y/n),” Artie spoke up. “Y-You do? Know what exactly?” “That you and this.. male are dating,” Santana cringed. “We found his phone at the Lima Bean and saw.. pictures,” Kurt visibly shuddered.

With a defeated sigh, you flopped onto the couch. “I’m so sorry, you guys. It’s just..”

“Yeah. We know, baby girl. I must admit we didn’t react well at first, but hearing what you just said.. we feel awful, sweetheart,” Kurt sympathized. “That was never my goal. I really do care a lot for Sebastian and if you all would try and keep me from being with him, it would tear me apart.”

Artie wheeled forward. “We know (n/n). We realize that now and we’re going to try and be supportive. Just as long as he gives us a reason not to.” He have a pointed look in Sebastian’s direction. “R-really? Oh my gosh! Thanks you guys! You won’t regret it, trust me.” “Yeah we better not,” Santana eyed Sebastian.

Sebastian took your hand. “I’m really thankful for this, you guys. (Y/n) means everything to me. So much so I’d give up singing to keep her. I’ll do my absolute best to keep her happy.”

You grinned up at him. You were short, okay? Besides, it doesn’t help he’s a freaking giant. “Keep her happy and we won’t make you quit singing,” Blaine stated. “But if you fail. You will suffer the consequences,” Santana added.

“I agree wholeheartedly. Besides, if I ever did anything to hurt my- our little (y/n), I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

The New Directions looked at each other and silently agreed. “Have fun kids,” Santana said. “Keep it classy,” Kurt added. After hugging all of them and Sebastian surprisingly shaking the guys’ hands and getting his phone back, they took their leave.

“Well. That went better than expected.” “See? I told you they’d be cool,”  Sebastian said with a smirk. “You really like being right, don’t you?” you asked. “I like being right about us.” With a wink and kiss, neither of you could stop beaming.

Fear.

Tbh being a child was so much easier. Like someone would ask me what’s your fear and I would say height or water or spider and now I dread that question because idk what tf to say like oh yeah I’m scared of failure???? And Disappointing my family?????Low grades?????Student loans????? Lord voldermort coming to life???? The world may never know.

“Can I be him?”

Not everybody should know about the fact that you’re a Kingsman agent, especially your family. In their eyes, you’re a tailor and do nothing but wasting your time. Tired of the attempts of your mother to make you settle down with a guy, who is up to your economic standards, you may just have to fake it…

Warning: a bit of ‘casual’ swearing
Eggsy Unwin x Reader
Part ONE of ‘Can I be him?’ - Series

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When my alcoholic uncle died - and how it impacted my life as a nurse

A recent post from another nurse was so beautifully honest and vulnerable that it made me lose my snark and just get human for a minute. So I will share an experience and I have permission from all involved. I had an uncle who was a terrible alcoholic. It ravaged every aspect of his life, his work as a union tradesman, his ability to be a father or husband and his relationships with his brothers and sisters. My mom and I often visited him when he’d get admitted to the floor. I could never bear to see him in the ER. Dirty, belligerent, withdrawing in the DTs. I was embarrassed because I knew he was a frequent flier. I was embarrassed that I was embarrassed. We tried to drop him groceries and buy his Dilantin every month, but he moved around a lot, mostly renting rooms above taverns. He wanted nothing to do with sobriety. He used drugs when he could, but whiskey was his poison. In the end he only tolerated a few beers a day to keep away the shakes. To any nurse or medic or doc who new him he was a local drunk, but to me he was my uncle. I knew him as a kind loving man as well. I remember family BBQs and him tossing me up in the air as a kid. I remember him showing up drunk to thanksgiving and not making it out out of the car before passing out. I remember the disappointment in my family’s faces. I remember the shame in his eyes. I remember driving around his neighborhood looking at the entrances of taverns to see if he was passed out. I wondered if anyone would know to call us if he died. I wondered if he even had any I.D. But they did call. And I knew when I saw him at age 55 in the ICU Weighing 90 lbs dying of Hep C and esophageal CA that he didn’t have a lot of time left. I was a nursing student and an ER tech but I knew in my heart this time was different. I saw people fear him. I saw nurses treat him as if he was a leper. One yelled at him to be still while she gave him a shot of heparin and he grimaced in pain. Nurses came in one by one to start a heplock and he grimaced in pain. Despite knowing better after the 4th nurse was unsuccessful I begged them to stop and give him a break. My hospital I worked accepted him into impatient hospice. I was relieved. When he arrived I saw the 2 EMTs toss him on the hospice bed and walk out without saying a word while he grimaced in pain. They probably got held over and he probably didn’t seem like an urgent transport. They didn’t want to touch him. I didn’t say anything. I was scared to touch him too. He was emaciated with a huge head and a gaunt appearance. I wondered if he had AIDS. I felt bad for thinking that. I still kissed his forehead and told him he was going to be okay. Because I loved him. He was my family. And then I saw nurses treat him with kindness. I saw the beauty of a non judgemental hospice team make his last 96 hours on Earth a time where he could make peace with his demons. I saw Roxy drops for the first time and I saw him get some relief from the pain of untreated cancer, from the pain of dying. I saw them allow me break the rules and lift his frail body into a wheelchair, fashion an old fashioned posey to hold him up and take him down stairs for his last cigarette on Route 30. I was able to spend my breaks with him. I got to suction him and help give him a bed bath. I got off my 3-11 shift and spend a few hours with him watching a baseball game on replay. I sat with him in silence and I held his hand. I finally knew what people meant when they said the dying watch their life play out in their minds. I swear I could see it happening. I asked him if he was thinking about things he said “yep”. I asked him if he wanted me to stay or go and he said “stay”. So I stayed. I heard the death rattle for the first time. I cried to a veteran hospice nurse and she explained how the Scopolamine patch would help. I finally felt what it was like to be helpless to a family member in need and her words of comfort and years of experience meant everything to me. She said he probably had 48 hours at the most. I read “Gone from my sight” the blue book of hospice by Barbara Karnes. The whole family trickled in. His kids, all his brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. His children told him they loved him and they forgave him. We kissed his forehead and washed his hair. My mother shaved his face. His daughter said words of kindness that relieved him of any guilt or regret. I saw this beautiful cousin of mine watch me suction him and she asked how I could be so calm and so strong. I didn’t feel strong or knowledgeable but when you are the “medical person” in the family they see things in you that you didn’t know you had. We surrounded him with love and light and he died surrounded by everyone who ever meant anything to him. The nurses even cried. I got to see the dying process for what it was. It was beautiful and at the same time so humbling it brought me to my knees. I have never forgotten that feeling and I pray I never do. Is alcoholism a disease? We debate it as health care providers and wonder about the others whose lives have been impacted by the actions of an alcoholic. The amends that never got made. I guess I don’t care if it’s a disease, a condition, or a lifetime of conscious choices and poor judgement. In the end it’s a human being, usually a dirty foul smelling human being with missing teeth who may or may not be soiled in urine and vomit. Sometimes kicking, hurling obscenities, racial slurs, or spitting. Often doing all of the above at once. It’s hard to empathize with a human being who arrives packaged up that way. It’s hard to care or to want to go above and beyond. And I don’t think you should ever feel guilty if you don’t have those feelings. That is okay. It’s natural to wonder about the damage these people may have done to others. Wonder how many lives they might have ravaged. Please don’t take their pain as your own. At least try not to. It is not your pain to carry. And we all know that is easier said than done. But please, Treat them with dignity. They feel. They hear you. Give them the care you know you are capable of giving. I can tell you I hold a special place in my heart for every nurse who touched my uncle with a gentle hand. Who cleaned him for the fifth time when he was vomiting stool. Who asked him to smile. Who smiled back at him. Who stroked his forehead and put a cool washcloth on it. I am eternally grateful for anyone that saw beyond his alcoholism and saw a person. A human. A child of God (if you believe in God). A father. A son. An uncle. And I believe in my heart he felt the same way, even if he didn’t or couldn’t say it. If you have that patient. That difficult, hard to like, dreadful patient. Don’t think you have to love them or even like them. You don’t. But if you can preserve their dignity and show them the kind of nursing care that anyone would deserve, than you are good. You are the reason we are the world’s most trusted profession. And even though you don’t know it, someone saw and felt it, and it meant the world to them. Go to bed and sleep soundly because you deserve that. - J.R. RN

Originally posted by twisted-and-antisocial

@miraculousfluffmonth day 30

Unmasked


               “Does the mask come off?” Marinette asked.

               She technically knew the answer. After all, how could she not? Still, she was curious, and she had to pretend she knew less than she did.

              “I…honestly have no idea!” Chat Noir replied. “I haven’t actually tried. I mean, your friend Alya tried to tug Ladybug’s mask off, but it stuck to her face. So at the very least it can’t come off without permission!”

              “You never tried?” Marinette wondered.

              “I hadn’t thought of it,” he laughed. “I mean, it’s a magical outfit. If I want to take off the mask, I just turn off the whole thing.”

              “Come on, I bet Ladybug’s tried,” she said. “If she were alone in her room after having Alya attempt to yank it off, she’d probably have tested it out to see if there was a way.”

              “Fair point,” he conceded. “So, curious about my identity, are we?”

              Marinette froze. It was a difficult question. Of course she’d love to know. If she could put a name to him, an actual face to him, she’d like that. But there were so many reasons not to. She leaned further into her side of the mattress.

              “I wouldn’t be upset, if you wanted to know,” Chat said.

              “Really?” Marinette asked. “I know that out of you and Ladybug, you’re the one more lax about your identity but….”

              “Listen, Ladybug does have a point of it being dangerous for others to know,” he admitted. “And honestly, I wouldn’t be okay with everyone knowing.  Being Chat Noir has certain… freedoms, you know? No one knows who I am, so I can be whoever I want. Not that I’m much different in real life, perhaps a bit less over the top. But people will hold that against ‘Chat Noir’, not me or my friends and family.”

              “So you want to keep it secret then?” she wondered, unsure whether to feel disappointed or relieved.

              “From most people, yeah,” he said. “There are five people I’d trust with it, because I know them well enough to know they’d keep it secret. Ladybug is one, three are friends, and the fifth is you.”

              Chat took her hand, putting in on his cheek. Marinette felt like she stopped breathing, but in a good way. Maybe.

              “W-wouldn’t you think Ladybug would be mad at you?” she asked.

              “Probably,” he said. “I’d tell her, of course. But I trust you enough that I don’t care if you know. I kind of want you to know, even if it’d be weird.”

              Marinette brought her other hand to his face. Running her thumb over the mask, she felt it out. It seemed as if it was just stuck there, like a weak magnet. Yet she could feel the edge come up, begging to be lifted. Gently, her fingers gripped the sides. She closed her eyes and pulled softly.

              It came away as if he had just been balancing the mask on the bridge of his nose. There he was. Unmasked. But the air had a different feel to it, one that made her keep her eyes closed.

              He was Chat Noir, he would always be Chat Noir. He was also whoever he really was. But here, all full of magic but without the mask, there was something about it, and it scared her.

              It wasn’t just that that had scared her. It wasn’t even just knowing who he was that scared her. It was the fact that if she found out who he was, she’d have to tell him who she was as well. It wouldn’t be right to keep that from him. He trusted her, for whatever reason. She should trust him. And she did. She would be okay with telling him. But now wasn’t the time.

              Eyes still closed, she put the mask back on his face. Hesitantly peeking out, she saw him tilting his head in confusion.

              “You didn’t look?” he asked as she took back her hands.

              “It’s….” she tried to think of a way to explain it without telling him. “I don’t think I’m ready for that step. I will be, I want to be, and I’m okay with that. But for right now, I can’t.”

              “That’s okay,” he smiled. “When you do want to know, you can.”

              “Why?” she wondered. “Why do you trust me with this?”

              “It’s complicated,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But the ones I trust are the ones who have seen me…. Unmasked, I guess.”

              “Are you saying I already know you?” she asked.

              “Can’t tell you that if you don’t want to know who I am,” he replied, tapping her nose. “But it’s not what I meant. I meant you’ve seen me, the real me. Not just my name or face, but me as a person. That’s why I trust you.”

              She smiled at the thought. Perhaps tomorrow she would be unmasked as well.

I Was Here | Pt. 1

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 874

Masterlist |Request

↠ Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Originally posted by dearvmon


You were never the reason for his laugh, never the reason why his eyes sparkled. You were never the reason why he woke up every morning with a happy smile plastered on his face because he knew that he was going to see his most desired person that day. You were never the reason for his happiness; your best friend was.

He was your husband, she was your best friend. He only saw her, you only saw him. You loved him, he loved her

She was beautiful and friendly, her lovely character being the reason why he fell in love with her. He was bright, caring and handsome, the last fitting piece to her unfinished puzzle.

You, you were quiet, boring and blunt. You never liked to show your feelings to others. Locking everything inside your heart, you watched how she made him happy, never once complaining about how you were hurting. 

Why was love so cruel?


“You promised me, Y/N!“

Averting your eyes from your phone, you looked up at your best friend. “What?“

Rolling her eyes, she huffed loudly. “You promised me that you would divorce Taehyung!“

Copying her movements, you threw your phone on the sofa and walked to your kitchen. “Not again, Hani, please.“

Following you to your kitchen, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and raised an eyebrow. “Your family forced you to marry him, Y/N! You don’t even love him! Why aren’t you divorcing him?!“

Shrugging your shoulders, you kept searching for Taehyung’s favorite soup recipe in your cookbook. “I don’t want to disappoint my family.“

Slamming her hand on the counter, she started raising her voice. “Stop lying, Y/N! Why aren’t you divorcing him?!“

Looking up from the book, locked your eyes with hers. “I-It’s not the time..“

“Tell me the truth, Y/N!“

“Hani, I told yo-“

“You don’t want to divorce him, don’t you?!“

“N-No, Hani-“

Suddenly, Hani started laughing. “No? No?! Then why are you trying to look good for him? The Y/N I know wouldn’t mind going to the shopping mall with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on. But the girl in front of me is wearing a dress in her house. The Y/N I know doesn’t know how to cook. But in front of me is standing a girl with a book in her hands, trying to cook the soup that my boyfriend loves!“

“Hani, please-“

“I can see everything, Y/N. The way you look at him, the way you behave in front of him, the way your eyes sparkle whenever he talks to you. Do you think I don’t see it?“

Averting your eyes, you looked down at your hands. She knew.

“You want to be his wife, don’t you?! You’re in love with him, aren’t you?!“

Standing up from the chair, you started shouting. “Yes, I’m in love with him!“

Ignoring her frozen face, you allowed the tears to roll down your face. “Yes, I’m scared that anything might happen to him! Yes, I’m cursing to everyone who makes him sad or is the reason why he isn’t smiling! Yes, I’m scared that he might leave one day without telling me anything!“

At this moment you couldn’t control your sobs anymore. “I’m trying to do everything so that he can be happy! He wants to be happy with you? Okay! I will do anything so you two won’t break up! I’m destroying myself so you two can be happy but you don’t even care, Hani!“

Shaking her head from side to side, Hani whispered. “I can’t believe you, Y/N..“

“You don’t even care when he’s gone! You don’t even care when he’s sad! You’re selfish, Hani! You call him whenever you want! You see him whenever you want! You never think whether he worries about you or not! Because you know, at the end of the day, he will come to you! You know that he will be by your side! You know that he won’t give up on you! But me?! I’m waiting for him every day, Hani!“

Hani started shouting furiously. “So you want him to give up on me?!“

“You don’t deserve him, Hani!“

A sarcastic laugh left her lips. “Do you think you deserve him?!“

“Do you even know how it feels like to love someone from afar, Hani? While your hugging and kissing him as much as you want, I’m fighting with the burning feeling inside of my chest!“

Suddenly, you heard a sound coming from the kitchen door and when you turned your head, you were met with your husbands shocked and frozen face. “T-Taehyung..“

Snapping out of his frozen state, Taehyung walked toward you and wrapped his arms around your stiff body. Nearing his lips to your ear, he started whispering the last words that broke your heart into million pieces.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I hope you find the happiness you’ve been pretending to have as soon as possible but as you said, I’m not giving up on her..“

Just finished Season 4 and...

I personally think this was the best season (or half season) so far. I’ve seen a few people saying they were disappointed and while there were a few aspects here or there I found disappointing, overall I thoroughly enjoyed this season.

It was funny, it was dramatic, it was emotional, it was tense.

Reminded me a lot of season 1 actually. There’s a lot to talk about so for now I’ll just list my pros and cons-

Pros:

  • * Like I said, I found this season very funny and there were quite a few jokes that had me laughing out loud. Like Matt seeing Allura for the first time. Brought back real Ouran Host Club nostalgia
  • * Matt Holt in general was awesome. Although about that brain hacking? Yeah he should talk to Slav. 
  • * The animation was as gorgeous as ever. Especially that crying scene. If I hadn’t known before that Matt was alive, I probably would have cried for real. (I did tear up a little though)
  • * It was nice having a break episode which season 2 and 3 sorely lacked.
  • * Yuri on Ice reference? Lol (Actually it seemed quite a few anime were referenced/parodied.)
  • * Allura playing Keith. Just that was too funny. 
  • * While Hunk kind of got pushed to the side again, (Although I feel like Dreamworks was poking fun at themselves about how he’s the comic relief), I loved the rest of the character development for Pidge, Lance, Shiro, Keith and even Allura a tiny bit. 
  • Oh and that tiny scene with Haggar looking in the “mirror” actually broke my heart for a split second. 

Cons:

  • Kind of a nitpick on this but I think Episode 2 would have been a lot stronger if they hadn’t titled it “Reunion”. Yes I totally believe Pidge “reunited” with Matt’s Grave. Although I mostly have myself to blame for consuming every spoiler I could get and seeing Matt was alive already.
  • I think my biggest disappointment is Prince Lotor and his general’s arc. If watched together as a whole season, we just saw a close-knit group of outcasts fall apart really fast. It was probably inevitable but I think it would have felt more heart breaking if we got another season with them as a group. Also how Narti was so heartlessly killed off? What strikes me as odd is Aj LoCascio (Lotor’s VA) said Lotor’s Generals were like a family to Lotor. 

However there are still more seasons to come and I can see this turning around. Might be nice getting an episode or two of Lotor trying to regain his generals’ trust again. I think Acxa’s option she was talking about is joining Voltron. And the ending with Lotor “joining” team Voltron himself I think could create some interesting conflict. 

All in all, I really did enjoy this season and I’m excited to see where the series is going to go from here. There’s still a lot of back story to be explored and mysteries to be solved such as Sam Holt and what Lotor is exactly trying to do. And we still don’t know what Operation Kuron is about (though I had expected this wouldn’t explored until later seasons anyways) 

Estimated Time of Arrival

Masterlist

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom is finally coming home after four months of filming Homecoming

Tom was coming home. Tom was coming back to England. Tom was coming back to his family. But, most importantly, Tom was coming back to you.

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anonymous asked:

I've been struggling on how to come out to my parents, it was incredibly easy to come out to friends and strangers but with my parents I feel like they'd look and feel differently about me and that would break my heart.

I think “disappointment” was one of the things I feared most in my whole coming out process, particularly when it came to my family. I felt that my parents had certain expectations of my life and what it would look like, which honestly they did. In the end I had to decide that my happiness and living an authentic life was more important than disrupting my parents ideas of what my life “should” look like. 

I got so stuck in my head worrying about what their reaction was that I didn’t even give them the chance to prove me wrong until was 19. Which they completely and totally did. 

Good luck with everything, people can surprise you. 

sirikenobi167  asked:

How would you describe Dean and Castiel's relationship over the course of the seasons? (and how did it evolve?) I've been thinking about this a bit over the last few days (my current headcanon is that Castiel fell in love with Dean somewhere in season 6, and Dean fell in love with Castiel in season 8).

Hi, dear! Wow. This is a very interesting and challenging question. I hope I can do it justice. Buckle up because this is gonna be a hell of a long post! I’ll give you my interpretation in the most canonical way possible.

In season 4, Dean and Castiel were reluctant allies. They weren’t friends, at least not at first. But this was the season Cas started to see for himself that Dean was a good man and that Heaven wasn’t pure anymore. Finding out that some of his brothers and sisters had been corrupted and seeing Dean trying to do the right thing made Cas have even more doubts and questions than he already had on his own. This was the season when Cas’ superiors began to question his sympathies because he was getting too close to Dean and was starting to express emotions (doorways to doubt). I don’t think that means Cas was falling in love with Dean or anything like that. I think Cas started to consider Dean more righteous than Heaven, and therefore, his obedience to Heaven could falter, which actually happened. Dean, on the other hand, had problems to believe in angels and hated the guts of Castiel at the beginning. He couldn’t understand why or how he was rescued by an Angel of the Lord, and he definitely didn’t want to do Heaven’s bidding. It was this season when Dean started to realize that Cas was different, that deep down he cared, that he was not a “hammer” because he questioned his orders and even disobeyed Heaven to help him (in 4x18). This was the season when Cas first rebelled against Heaven even after he was dragged back to “Bible camp” (and we learned four seasons later that brainwashing and resetting an angel was a cruel and painful procedure). This was the season Dean started to see they were really making the story up as they went.

In season 5, Dean and Castiel became friends. Cas rebelled against Heaven for Dean (and Sam). He did his best to keep Dean and Sam away from the other angels who just wanted them to say yes to Michael and Lucifer. This was the season when they went from allies to friends. Dean and Cas helped each other in their missions, reluctantly, but they did. Dean helped Cas in his search for God; Cas helped Dean when trying to kill Lucifer with the Colt. Both missions failed horribly, both of them thought the other’s plan was pointless, but they helped anyway. This was the season when Dean got sent to 2014 and realized that his fucked-up, poisonous self could destroy even an angel like Cas. This was when he realized Cas would follow him anywhere, and he probably didn’t know how to feel about it. For Cas, this was the season when he totally lost faith in God and learned to have faith in Dean. Angels were created to love and have faith in the Lord, and they associated love with faith for default. When he started to have more faith in Dean than in God, he somehow started to love Dean more than he loved his Father. In 5x21, when Cas realized Dean said no to Michael, he apologized to Dean for doubting him, and I think that was the moment Cas’ faith in Dean became unbreakable. And so did his love for the righteous man. At this point, Cas’ love for Dean wasn’t romantic. Dean became his role-model. He put Dean up in the altar where his Father used to be, and he loved him deeply, as one of God’s best creations. When season 5 ended, Cas cared about Dean a lot more than Dean cared about Cas. As friends, brothers-in-arms, they parted ways once the war was over. Cas wanted to see Dean happy, but he still felt he belonged in Heaven and liked the idea that God had brought him back to life (for a second time now) to fix things up there. Dean, on the other hand, saw Cas leave and probably thought he wasn’t gonna see the angel ever again. He had other pressing matters, anyway. Sam in the pit, for example.

In season 6, Dean and Cas became a dysfunctional family. Before going back to Heaven, Cas rescued Sam from the pit to give Dean the grand prize he was asking for at the end of 5x22. However, he didn’t know he’d left Sam’s soul behind and the whole thing blew up in his face later on. He thought he could set things right in Heaven, but he wasn’t expecting Raphael to have totally different plans. When he realized he wasn’t strong enough to defeat Raphael, he went to Dean to look for help, but once Cas saw him living his apparently happy and peaceful life, he couldn’t pull Dean back in. Crowley took advantage of the moment and managed to convince Cas to work with him. It’s totally true that Cas did a lot of regrettable things in season 6 and that he lied a lot, but everything he did was for Dean and because of Dean; everything was in the name of that profound bond he thought he shared with Dean. On the other hand, Dean, who was raised in an environment of neglect and abuse, and therefore considered that kind of behavior “normal” in a family, started to treat Cas in a very poor way. As I said in another post:

[Dean] only called Cas when he needed something and didn’t really care about anything that was happening to Cas. That’s what Castiel perceived. He loved the Winchesters a lot, especially Dean, but he somehow thought he couldn’t really count on them. “Of course. Your problems always come first,” Cas told Dean in 6x07. “It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?”, Cas asked in 6x20. These two jerks really had communication issues at that time. Cas didn’t ask Dean for help at first because he didn’t want to disturb Dean’s apparently peaceful life, and he didn’t ask for help later because it was already too late (the deal was already made) and because anyway, he kind of thought Dean didn’t give a damn about his civil war. Dean was so worried about Sam and “the job” that he never cared to ask Cas if he needed anything. Probably because he thought an angel was so powerful, he didn’t need help. But also because the Winchesters are not exactly the most helpful people to their closest ones. Remember how Bobby didn’t get any help from Dean and Sam in 6x04 until he finally asked for it (and called them “self-absorbed”)? What was the boys’ reaction? “Bobby, all you gotta do is ask.” The whole speech Bobby gave them in that episode showed how the boys didn’t really give a second thought to other people’s problems. It was not because they didn’t love those people, it was just because that was the Winchester way. Dean didn’t know how to listen to Cas, how to offer help, how to empathize. And Cas didn’t know how to ask for help, how to consider that he might not be in a righteous path, how to doubt himself. I guess the “Next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family” Dean said in 6x20 came too little, too late for Cas at that point.

Cas desperately wanted Dean to have faith in him, but Dean didn’t. In Cas’ notebook, that meant Dean didn’t love him (no matter if he said Cas was family or that he would have died for Cas). Castiel had to finish what he had started. To defeat Raphael, he made very bad decisions. The ends justified the means, so he hurt Sam in the process. Castiel was disappointed. Nobody had faith in him, nobody loved him. That’s why he told Dean “You’re not my family” in 6x22, and that’s probably why the first thing he said as Godstiel was “You will bow down and profess your love unto me.”

In season 7, Dean and Cas had to reconstruct their relationship.  I’ll quote myself from another post:

Season7!Dean had so much going on in that head of his. I don’t think Dean had feelings for Cas at that point. When Dean said that Cas was like a brother to him in 6x20, I believe he really meant it. However, the guilt, anger and frustration Dean felt toward Castiel was drowning him little by little. Guilt because maybe if he had just listened, if he had said something, if he had been less self-centered, he could have saved Cas and prevented the whole Purgatory souls fiasco. Anger because how could Cas betray him? How could Cas break Sam’s wall? How could Cas lie to him? How could Cas die without giving him the chance to say everything he had to say? Frustration because he had to clean up Cas’ mess, because Cas was gone, because he had lost his best friend. It was so much for such a complex person as Dean that he couldn’t move on and dealt with all that the best way he could: drinking. When Dean found Emmanuel, everything that I just mentioned came crushing to his mind. Just add another frustration item: Cas didn’t even remember him. The frustration list just got bigger and bigger: Cas going kinda insane; Cas refusing to fight; Cas behaving like a little child. And the only method to deal with things like these Dean has known all his life is to lash out. That’s how he communicates. He learned it from John Winchester and has used that lots of times with Sam. He needed to take it all out, to yell at Cas in order to move on and start the healing process, the forgiving process (because he really wanted to fix things with Cas, he just didn’t know how to), but Castiel was denying him even that. Poor Dean! At this point, I felt sorry for both, Dean and Cas, because I could really empathize with both.

Cas realized too late that he’d made a huge mistake and before dying all he wanted to do was Dean’s forgiveness and make things right. He was absent most of season 7, and when he reappeared and remembered who he really was, he felt extremely guilty. Taking Sam’s pain was the only thing he could do to make things right. If drinking was Dean’s coping mechanism, staying away from all sorts of violence was Cas’ once he woke up in 7x21. Dean needed Cas to take out Dick Roman, and Cas agreed to help (and even protected Dean when the time came) because he wanted to show Dean gratitude for the faith he was showing him when he told him “I’d rather have you, cursed or not”. Faith equals love. Was that a “note of forgiveness”?

In season 8, Dean and Cas weren’t on the same page regarding their feelings. It was in Purgatory, the place that felt pure, where Dean realized that no matter what Cas had done, no matter what had happened, he loved his angel. He cared about him so much that he wasn’t going to leave Purgatory without him. In season 6, he was a shitty, selfish friend, but he wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. He needed to find Cas and take him home, where they could start over. It was in Purgatory where Dean understood he preferred a life of constant hiding, running for dear life, and killing instead of a life on Earth without Cas. He knew that if everything he suffered during the year Cas was gone was terrifying, the guilt he would feel about leaving his friend without even trying to look for him was definitely going to kill him. When he finally found Cas and realized that Cas had left him alone to try to protect him from the Leviathans, he decided to tell Cas how much he cared. He told him “I need you” and “I’m not leaving here without you”. Dean didn’t need Cas to be able to get out. He just needed Cas to be with him, and he wanted Cas to understand it. Cas, of course, understood, but he felt too much shame and guilt to consider the possibility of leaving Purgatory, so he just made sure he got Dean out.

Leaving Purgatory without Cas was so painful to Dean that he had to change the memory of what happened so he could blame himself. Once Castiel was back, even though Dean was suspicious of how he got out of Purgatory, he wasn’t about to make the same mistakes he’d made before. He was all “talk to me” with Cas. He wanted to make sure Cas was OK. He wanted to prove that he cared. No matter how shady Cas was, Dean still prayed to him. He still poured his heart out to Cas. Even when Cas was about to kill him, he didn’t fight back. He just reminded Cas that he was family, that they needed him, that HE needed him.

On the other hand, Cas was brainwashed into killing thousands of fake Deans so he would be ready to do Heaven’s bidding without interference from the elder Winchester. It took for the real Dean to say “I need you” to break the connection between Cas and Naomi’s mind control, but when Dean asked him what broke the connection, Cas honestly didn’t know what to answer. Unfortunately, there wasn’t time for Cas to analyze what had happened. There were more pressing matters, like the angel tablet. Cas wanted to make things right and got fooled by Metatron in the process.

At this point, I’m fairly sure Dean already understood he loved Cas. All season 7 Dean couldn’t understand why he couldn’t move past what Cas had done. In Purgatory he was free enough to say “I love you” in the Winchester way: “I need you.” He’s told Cas “I need you” a lot of times. Why? Because Dean Winchester is not really with the whole love and… love, so he says the next best thing. The question is what kind of love does Dean feel for Cas? I’m sure that’s something Dean doesn’t want to understand. He’s gotten hints from his family that he should try to understand his feelings for Cas (“he’s dreamy”, Charlie said; “because it’s Cas”, Sammy said), but he didn’t really get it, and even if he did, it didn’t matter anyway because his angel was going home.

In season 9, Dean and Cas weren’t on the same page regarding their feelings AGAIN. But this time it was Cas’ turn to start to understand. Castiel, angel of the Lord, has loved Dean Winchester since he decided to have faith in him. Faith equals love. However, I don’t think Cas understood what kind of love he felt for Dean. That’s why he couldn’t answer the “what broke the connection” question. HE DIDN’T KNOW. He had to be human to be able to understand that he can love his brothers and sisters, humanity, Sam and Dean, but each love is different. His love for humanity is agape. His love for his brothers and sisters is storge. His love for Sam is between storge and philia, but what about his love for Dean? I’m ready to bet it’s eros, but Cas didn’t know that before. (ETA: For more info on the kind of love Cas has for Dean and why I think eros is involved, you can read this). That’s why the PB&J conversation between Cas and Sam in 9x11 was so important. Being an angel, Cas has the physical capacity to eat or even drink liquor, but he can’t enjoy things the same way a human does. That’s why it’s been emphasized that emotions and even simple things like flavors are human things. I think it wasn’t until 9x06 that Cas realized he was in love with Dean. What about Dean? Well, 9x06 was probably the moment he realized he was in love with Cas, too, but this time it was Dean’s turn to let Cas live a normal and peaceful life.

Cas’ weakness was revealed in 9x22: he’s in love… with humanity. But, of course, everybody (Hannah, Metatron, and Dean himself) agreed that Cas sacrificed everything for just one man, to protect Dean Winchester.

In season 10, Dean and Castiel need to figure out what they want. They both don’t know. They both want more but are too afraid to go for it. Dean thinks he’s gonna die soon, but he acknowledges there’s people, feelings that he wants to experience differently or maybe for the first time. He has no doubts that Cas loves him. If he had any, he lost them after Cas gave up an entire army for him. Cas doesn’t know what he is anymore. He doesn’t belong in Heaven, he’s not a human, but there are human things he considers good –art, hope, love, dreams. However, he knows emotions… feelings are dangerous temptations. How does he know? Well, he’s been consistently screwing things up to protect the one thing that has become his priority: Dean Winchester. Everything has been, is, and will always be about saving Dean. It’s pretty much obvious Cas doesn’t have vessel issues anymore in case he decides to stay on Earth (whether angel or human). But his big questions are still the same, “What broke the connection?” “But as what [do you want to live] Castiel, as an angel or a man?” “Who are you? What’s your mission?” And the answers to all those questions are related to Dean. Therefore, Cas has to figure out what he wants.  

Dean, on the other hand, is afraid of losing control and hurting the people he loves: Cas and his brother. Notice who Benny (Dean’s subconscious) mentioned first. At this point in the story, I think Dean knows how he feels about Cas, but Cas doesn’t know. And Cas knows how he feels about Dean, but Dean doesn’t know. They both think they’re family for the other. They both are a couple of emotionally constipated idjits. Dean also has to figure out what he wants, but right now, he doesn’t give much thought to it because he thinks there’s not a good future for him.

I just hope that whatever the consequences of what Sam and Cas are doing to save Dean don’t separate Dean and Cas that much for season 11. However, they both already know how they feel. It’s just a matter of telling the other and we can’t get that yet. That’s why it makes so much sense that TPTB have kept Dean and Cas apart so much during season 10. So, I guess more conflict will be a must for next season.

If you notice, the thing that makes Destiel one of the most popular ships is that it feels real. It doesn’t feel forced. They have gone through a lot and overcome a lot together. This is definitely one of the best love stories ever told!

I’m a Jamaican girl of African/Chinese descent living in China, and let me tell you… I’ve been on the receiving end of a host of irritating comments from people back home (In JA). “Do you eat dog?”, “So… is your vagina diagonal (apparently bc I’m mixed, not fully Chinese)?”, “Yeah you’re definitely Asian, you have no ass”, “Oh it’s a black people thing, you wouldn’t understand…”

Now, back home most Chinese people are very very united, the families know each other and get together for important holidays or smaller activities like badminton games etc. My family was never a part of that, since my dad, though Chinese, is Rastafarian and my mom is Black. I was also very aware of the fact that I looked rather different from fully-Chinese families. And while at school I was being called “Chiney gyal” and made to feel like I wasn’t a regular Jamaican, at home I was being taught NOTHING about that side of myself. As I got older I began to deny my Chinese heritage, if only to get people to shut up about it. A small part of me was also disappointed that I wasn’t actually connected to those roots, and decided to deny them altogether.  

Anyhow, last year I moved to China to start university. I was kinda excited to come here, thinking maybe I would fit in a little better than I did back home. Boy, was I ever WRONG. Most foreigners who’ve been to China know, the locals STARE at you incessantly, like you’re some kind of zoo animal. Most are fascinated by anyone who looks so different, since their population is mostly Han people, or so I’ve read, but some of them really look down on anyone with darker skin. Anyways, I basically get called African here, I don’t even bother telling the few English speakers I’ve come across that I’m actually Jamaican and half-Chinese (funny how I wanted to clarify this time around, huh?).

As it turns out, I probably won’t be fully accepted anywhere. But realising this has made me decide that it doesn’t make me an incomplete person and that what I really need is to accept myself. It took me a while, but I’m glad I have. It’s not easy to erase the insecurities I’ve harboured over the years, but little by little I’m working on it. 

I don’t need other people assigning stereotypical characteristics to me, nor do I need validation from others to decide what race I do or do not belong to. I am both Chinese and Black and I will never deny any part of my heritage just to fit in again. 

IG : mygirlishwhims
After being overweight most of my life, sometimes I recognize the girl in the left picture more then I recognize the girl looking back at me in the mirror now. I’m used to always having to wear control top pantyhose to try and hide my stomach rolls in a sweater dress. I’m used to walking out of stores empty handed and frustrated after not being to find anything that fit me. I’m used to my family trying to make gentle and subtle hints that maybe I should go workout more or watch what I’m eating. After losing 100 pounds though, none of that is a problem anymore! I no longer have to rely on shapewear to make me feel confident in an outfit 😜, I went shopping at Francesca’s this weekend and could pluck a small off the rack with no worries if it would fit or not, and my mom just told me last night that she really does think I’m inspirational and it melted my heart a little ☺️People tell me that online all the time, but hearing it come from your MOM really means something - especially when for so many years she really just wanted me to get healthy and I felt disappointed in myself that I wasn’t. No one can make you decide to lose weight: no matter how many comments or concerned remarks I got from family or friends or my doctor, it was ultimately MYSELF that had to make the decision to take control of my life and get healthy and it has seriously been the absolute best decision I have ever made for myself 😍💕