my face is stained now

You once made me fall asleep with a smile on my face. You now make me fall asleep with a tear stained pillow and a broken heart.
Killing Me

a/n: this is my first writing piece on this account and it is based on the song Killing Me by Jacob Whitesides.I listened to it for the first time today and I instantly fell in love and also got this idea as well. Hope you like it. 

WARNINGS: a bit of fighting/angst, swearing


I hate all the fussing and fighting
‘Til we take it to the room and ignite
It’s killing me, killing me, get it? ya killing me
Killing me, killing me, this love’s the end of me
It’s toxic all day, it’s a warfare
Surrendering at night just to go there
Killing me, killing me, get it? ya killing me
Killing me, killing me, this love’s the end of me


He drove me insane. One second I thought I loved him and then the next I felt like my heart was physically being ripped from my chest. Loving him was a sin, a crime, something that shouldn’t be this complicated. It was toxic for both of us, we knew that, but somehow by the end of the fighting, we were wrapped in each other’s arms while breathing heavily and wondering where we went wrong. 

He drove me crazy. I thought he loved me the way I did. But whenever I let him back in we are back to square one. He’s messing around with other girl’s and leaving me emotionless on the bathroom floor, a gaping hole in the center of my chest. 

But I did love him. That’s the thing. He meant the most to me in this crazy fucked up world. How could the person who you love the most also be the person you wished to walk away? 

He cared, that’s the sad part, he cared more than anyone else. He never intentionally started the yelling, it was always me - yelling at him without reason because I was too scared to say my real feelings. And because of that, I watched him prance around with his latest conquests, people he meets through his hectic lifestyle. 

I leaned my back against the wall of the bathroom, tears streaming down my face. My mascara was probably smudged all the way down to my chin. My eyes remained glued to the picture of him and some random girl in a club. If only I could tell him how I really felt then he wouldn’t just see me as one of his frequent hookups. 

I hated the fighting so why was I always the one to light the match?

A light tapping knock appeared at the front door of my apartment. I knew it was him. He always came over after big events or parties, usually to unwind or because taking someone home was too obvious to the paparazzi so he came here for a release. I stood quickly, tucking my phone into the back pocket of my jeans and walked over to the mirror. Just as I thought, my mascara had traveled down from my eyes to my chin. I tried to wipe away as much as possible before rushing out of the room and towards the door. 

On the other side of the door, he’d be there, dressed in his suit from this after party and his breath would be slightly reeking of vodka. I sucked in a deep breath then swung the door open, revealing a well dressed Shawn. His white shirt under his classic black blazer was unbuttoned and his tie was gone. 

“Why are you here?” I asked cautiously, trying to avoid eye contact, hoping that he wouldn’t see my bloodshot eyes and smudged makeup. 

“Hey,” he cooed softly. “What’s wrong?” 

There it is. He cared too much for me yet we fought, we screamed, and we always made up under the covers without actual words or feelings. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was killing me. 

“Nothing. You should go home, you must be tired from the event.” I struggle to say, finally letting my eyes wander up to his to see his eyes soften at the look of my tear-stained face. 

“Well, I’m not going to leave now. You’re upset about something and I want to make sure you’re okay.” He said sweetly. 

I wasn’t able to protest before he pushed the door open wider and strolled past me. My breath huffed out of my chest while I closed the door. This is what I was afraid of happening, I didn’t want him to tempt me because my emotions were too wild for him to be in front of me. I knew that his kind words and touches were going to make me cave, and tonight I just wanted him to get out of my life. It was killing me. 

I slowly walked into the living room where he was standing. His eyes were looking around the room like he was searching for some sort of clue as to why I looked like a mess. He spotted my coffee table where I had multiple bottles of half drank water, a bag of chips, and an opened bag of gummies. 

“Really, Shawn, I think you should go home,” I repeated and crossed my arms over my chest. 

“Y/N,” he breathed out, his eyes still looking at the mess of my living room. Besides the food, there were blankets tossed over the couch without a care in the world. I was slightly embarrassed because he’s never seen this side of me before, the emotional side. 

“I don’t want to hear it,” I snapped. “I rather be alone right now, okay? Go find someone else to mess around with tonight because it won’t be me.”

“Y/N” He repeated, this time sounding shocked. 

“No, don’t act surprised. I am done with this, can’t you see it’s hurting me? We only care about each other when we are under the sheets.” 

“That’s not true,” Shawn said. “And you know it.” 

“If it isn’t true then why did you come over tonight, Shawn? I mean we haven’t talked all day, no texts or calls. But the second night time comes around you want a simple fuck. I’m not going to be that person for you anymore. It’s killing me.” I yelled, so hard that my chest ached as the last words left my lips. 

Shawn took a few steps towards me but I took a step backward. The thing that hurt the most was the look on his face. I loved him more than I’ve ever loved somebody and seeing his face drop with my words was like a knife in the chest. 

“It’s not just a simple fuck, Y/N.” He slowly says, his eyes staying locked on mine. 

“Then what the fuck is it?” I shouted, my arms uncrossing and flopping at my sides angrily. 

Shawn gulped and lowered his gaze to the ground. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” he began. “At first we were just hooking up, messing around when no one was looking and it was fun. I don’t know what happened but after the few weeks, you never left my mind. I tried to erase you with all the other hookups and maybe I was trying to drive you away because I didn’t have the power to leave myself. But the point is that you’ve never left my mind and I can’t stop thinking about your lips and your laugh. It’s making me insane, I’m sure of it.” 

I stood there, frozen in place. He’s never poured that much emotion into his words while talking to me before.

“And then we end up fighting because both of us are too fucking stubborn to admit that we have feelings. It’s easier to get out our feelings by screaming than it is to say I love you.” He continued, this time I let him step closer to me with each word. 

“I love you.” I find myself whispering as he finally stands directly in front of me, his hand slowly finding mine and interlacing our fingers. 

“It seems like I’ve been waiting forever to hear that,” he said and smiles down at me. His smile spreading wider on his face when I feel myself smiling as well. “And I love you too. I think I always have.”

His lips moved painfully slow down to mine and as they connected I could feel my body lighting up in the kind of fire I’ve never felt before. Whenever we’ve kissed before I could feel the rushed nature and the anger from our screams only seconds before. But now, every angry feeling towards Shawn was wiped clean and his lips guided mine at a slow pace. A slow pace that made my knees weak and my mind go completely, utterly blank. 

“We’ll work through this.” He mumbled against my lips. 

I nodded and felt another smile form on my lips. 

“Just keep kissing me,” I said, pulling on the back of his neck and letting our lips meet once again. 

Drunken Whaler (EMH short story)

Just a fun little idea I got when I found this song:
Be sure to listen to it while you read this.

HABIT stalks his victim through the abandoned halls of an old children’s hospital.

“What will we do with a drunken whaler?”

Those words echoed repeatedly down the barren, cold corridor chilling me to the very core.

“What will we do with a drunken whaler?”

His footsteps sounded closer, slow and deliberate.

“What will we do with a drunken whaler, early in the morning?”

He stopped and I held my breath, sulking deeper into the darkness of the closet I was hiding in.

“Way, hey and up she rises.”

He began again, continuing down the hall.

“Way, hey and up she rises.”

I sighed, pushed the closet down open slowly, pausing at every creak.

“Way,hey and up she rises…”

I heard him pause his step and I froze like a deer trapped in headlights.

“Early in the morning”

His growl was low and demonic much like a defensive creature except he wasn’t the one being cornered. I was trapped like a rabbit in a snare.

“Stuff him in a sack and throw him over.”

He sang, dragging what sounded like a knife or metal pole against the torn walls creating an awful scraping sound.

“Stuff him in a sack and throw him over.”

His footsteps approached once again and I shut the closet door, praying he wouldn’t enter the room.

“Stuff him in a sack and throw him over, early in the morning…”

Suddenly, I jumped with fear as a loud clunk revibrated throughout the building, putting an end to the scraping noise.

“Feed him to the hungry rats for dinner.”

He continued and by now tears had stained my face.

“Feed him to the hungry rats for dinner.”

I covered my mouth, urging myself to stay quiet.

“Feed him to the hungry rats for dinner, early in the morning.”

It fell deathly silent until I heard the rooms door creak open but there were no footsteps to follow it.

“Way,hey and up she rises.”

He began again, softer this time and in a gentler tone but that did nothing to calm me.

“Way,hey and up she rises.”

He entered the room slowly and softly, a strange dragging sound followed behind him.

“Way, hey and up she rises…”

He crossed the room.

“Early in the morning.”

After a few moments of nothing I picked up the courage to open a small crevice of the closet door, peering through the gap. He stood by the barred window, facing away from me.

“…shoot him through the heart with a loaded pistol…”

He sang much quieter this time.

“Shoot him through the heart with a loaded pistol.”

I watched him cautiously, jumping when he dropped what, to my horror, appeared to be the remains of a human skull. Only then did I notice the legs of a body lying behind him.

“Shoot him through the heart with a loaded pistol, early in the morning.”

He turned sharply and I gasped, ducking out of the light.

“Slice his throat with a rusty cleaver.”

He continued to sing, chuckling darkly and unsheathing a knife from his belt.

“Slice his throat with a rusty cleaver.”

The eerie song carried on as he slowly approached my hiding spot.

“Slice his throat with a rusty cleaver…”

The closet doors flew open.

“Early in the morning…”

I had no time to process what happened next. There was lots of red and then darkness…nothing else remained except his song.

“Way, hey and up she rises”

I listened. There was nothing else I could do.

“Way, hey and up she rises”

It echoed continuously throughout my head, the last words I will ever hear.

“Way, hey and up she rises, early in the morning…”

HABIT hummed gently, dragging a small body behind him. Such a sweet song, a gentle calm tune that could easily make babies sleep and children silent.

And silent they were…

The Darkness In Me (Part 11)

Thank you for every like, reblog and reply. I really appreciate it! If you want to be on the taglist send me a message.

Thank you all for still reading my crappy writing ♥♥♥

Summary: From the outside you seem to have everything. Everything other girls want to be. Good looking, beautiful and an amazing singer. But no one sees what really blooms inside you. The darkness is about to consume you every day a little bit more. Can this handsome stranger who was there when you needed him the most also save you from the darkness lurking inside you?

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions of rape, mentions of abuse, SMUT

Word Count: 2786


◄••• Part 10          Part 11          Part 12 •••►

I almost purred like a cat, when Bucky woke me up with kisses all over my face, drawing random patterns on my exposed skin where my shirt slip up. My eyes fluttered open lazily, a smile covering my face at the sight on top of me.

“Hey, doll. How are you?” Bucky’s concerned voice, still raspy from just waking up was sexy as hell. But his sad eyes made me forget about all the heat and lust right now, remembering why we even were both lying in bed together.

“I’m fine. Wanda helped me through the anxiety attack.” Nervously biting my lips, no longer able to look into those stormy blue-grey eyes. “I’m so sorry [Y/N]. I should have been there for you. Not Wanda. I’m sorry, doll. And the thought of also being the reason for it makes me insane. I promise you, nothing happened and nothing would have happened. I love you. Only you.” His voice got angry as he continues. “I would never do something like that to you. I know why you reacted the way you did. Wanda told me about Eric.”

My whole body stiffened at the mention of Eric’s name. “You know Wanda didn’t tell me all too much and I don’t want to pressure you in telling me something you’re not comfortable telling me. But I want you to know I’m there for you, baby doll. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Well I wanted to talk to you about it now actually. First of all I want to let you know I could never think you would do something terrible to me like Eric did. I just couldn’t think clearly when I saw you with those girl. It reminded me of my past with Eric.” Bucky obviously wanted to say something, but I didn’t let him. “Please, let me get this all out first, before I chicken out.”

He must have seen the emotions in my eyes, the nervousness of my body, how hard it was for me to talk about my dark past with Eric. With an encouraging smile, a light squeeze of my hands with his bigger ones, he gave me time to sort my thoughts until I was as ready as I could be.

“I met Eric when I worked at the bar where I was singing every night, just like I do now. The audience was always the same. Drunk men who wanted to drown their sorrows in alcohol. My payment wasn’t big, but it was enough to live. Eric immediately caught my eye, cause I never saw him in the bar before. At first he was distance, came to watch me sing and left when I was done. I was curious about him, he wasn’t like those drunken guys I sang to every night. At least that’s what I thought.”

A bitter laugh escaped me while I continued talking. “One night he was still there when I was finished and he came at my table to talk to me. I was hooked at the first few moments we talked. He was very good looking, charming and I needed this kind of attention at that moment more than I would like to admit. He escorted me like a true gentleman, made me fall in love with the man I saw on our many dates.”

When Bucky was jealous or hurt he didn’t let me see it. He listened carefully, caressing my hands soothingly with circles of his thumbs.  

“When I started to see behind his facade, it was too late. At first I loved him and couldn’t leave him because of my feelings. Every time when he…w-when he beat me, left bruises all over my body, he apologised the next day and spoiled me like nothing happened. He promised me over and over it would never happen again. And I was blinded by my love for him and believed him.” I was a crying mess in Bucky’s protective arms around me now. I pressed my tear-stained face into his chest, unable to look him into the eyes.

Too afraid what I would see in them. Pity, disgust, disbelief? “The worst he did weren’t the bruises though. One night he came home drunk as hell. He wanted to h-have sex. But I wasn’t in the mood and tried to…I tried to stop h-him…but I was too weak. I- I couldn’t…he d-did it more than once. When I saw the monster he was, I wanted to leave him. If I would have been a few minutes faster I would have made it. But he came home earlier. He wasn’t even alone. He had two girls with him. When he understood I was about to leave, he beat me up a-again, he raped me and then he made…he made me watch him with the two girls he brought home.

He made sure I was watched all around the clock, at all times. I tried leaving more than once, but he always managed to know. My punishments, like he called them, were from time to time worse. So I made peace with the life I had. I became emotionless in order to protect myself. It was my luck he had a car accident on his way home. I took my chance and left while he was in the hospital. Later I found out he was also arrested from the police, because he was involved in drug dealings. I thought I never have to hear from him again. Well since the day you escorted me home.”

My whole body shook from the crying and loud sobbing. Bucky held me close against him, hugging me tight like his life would depend on it. In reality it felt like it was my life who depended on him right now. The smell of Bucky, his arms around me, his kisses against my temple,  were the only things keeping me grounded at the moment. Preventing me from falling apart and being sucked into the darkness again.

“[Y/N], I’m so sorry you had to go through all this. I swear to you, I’m gonna protect you from Eric, no matter what. He will never lay a hand on you again. He can be lucky when I never see him. I’m not sure I could hold myself back from killing him, right then and there.”

He lay a finger under my chin, making me look right into his eyes. The only emotion I saw was pure love in them. They even were glistening from unshed tears. “Doll, I thank you for your trust in me. I know it wasn’t easy for you to tell me about it. I want you to listen to me now. And listen carefully. You are the strongest woman I know. I knew that from the very first time I met you and now that I know what you had to endure it only proved my suspicion. After all you had to go through you still manage to be the most caring person I know. You are the most beautiful person to me. From the inside as much as from the outside. I love you so damn much, baby. I didn’t want to say it before, because I was afraid you would think it was too soon for me to tell you this, but [Y/N] I can’t help but know with every fiber of my heart you are and will forever be the one and only for me. I want to spent the rest of my life with you.”

The tears streaming down my face like a waterfall now, weren’t from sadness anymore, but from happiness. What did I do to deserve this man? He must have been sent from heaven to me. After all he had to endure from those years with Hydra, he still managed to be quintessentially a good man.

I was now sitting on his lap, taking his face into my hands, kissing him with all the love and passion I could. “James Buchanan Barnes, I love you with all my heart. If you want me you have me.” Another passionate deep kiss was shared between us. I lightly bit into Bucky’s bottom lip, making him gasp and giving my tongue entrance into his mouth like I intended.

My whole body was on fire, arousal evident in every move I did. My hips were rocking back and forth over Bucky’s erection I could feel through his sweatpants, begging to be freed. For a short time we stopped our make-out session, in order to get rid of our shirts, throwing them somewhere into the room.

I stared at the masterpiece in front of me, letting my fingers glide lovingly over Bucky’s defined muscular chest and abs. His breathing became irregular by every touch of my fingertips on his heated skin. I started to kiss along his sharp jawline, sucking and licking all the while to his neck. When I found his sweet spot I bit softly into the flesh, kissing the mark I made soothingly.

I moved forward to the part I knew very well Bucky hated. I kissed, licked and sucked the scars where his metal arm was attached to his left shoulder. After I took my time worshipping this part of him, I sucked his left nipple into my mouth, eliciting a moan from Bucky.

Without warning I was suddenly lying under Bucky, who let his dark lust filled eyes wander hungrily over my still covered chest. He kissed me sloppily, making quick work of my bra, leaving my top bare under him.

“You are so beautiful, baby.” Bucky said, before attacking my right nipple. Kissing and sucking the sensitive nub, massaging the other one with his flesh hand. Heavily breathing and moaning I carded my fingers through his soft dark locks. Bucky switched my breasts, giving now my left nipple the same treatment as the right one.

“Oh, Bucky! This feels amazing!” I was already dripping wet, oversensitive because it was the first time someone took such good care of me, driving me insane with every kiss, touch and lick on my skin.

Bucky kissed a trail down from the valley between my breasts, stopping right above the waistband of my pair of leggings. He gave me a questioning look, afraid to continue without my admission. “Let me show you how much I love you, baby doll. Let me make you feel good.” My mind was already clouded from the arousal I felt. I couldn’t even speak a whole sentence. “Bucky, please.” I almost whimpered, wanting nothing more than for Bucky to continue.

With a glint in his dark blue eyes and a knowing smirk, he helped me out of my pair of leggings, putting my lace panties down in the process. “[Y/N], you’re already so wet for me! I wanted to make you suffer a little bit more, but your smell is intoxicating. I can’t wait any longer.” I could have came right then and there, just from his throaty voice.

Without hesitation he dove right into the heat between my legs, licking the wetness that has gathered in between my folds. “Fuck!” My upper body jerked off the mattress, a loud moan leaving my lips. He inhaled sharply at the taste of me on his tongue, sending another wave of pleasure through my core. Bucky was lapping at my juices, delving his tongue as deep into me as he could, eating me out like a starving man.

When he gave all his attention to my clit, sucking it deep into his mouth, a strangled noise escaped me. My eyes rolled back, my hips arched up as an intense orgams washed over me, making me see stars. Bucky tenderly licked all of my juices up, humming satisfied while my legs were still buckling from the aftermath of my first orgasm.

“Bucky, please I need to feel you inside me.” I almost begged. “Believe me, doll, there’s nothing I want to do more right now. But first I wanna see you come again. You think you can take another one, baby?” Tenderly he kissed my still sensitive woman hood.

Gently he started nibbling at my clit, pushing a finger slowly into my entrance at the same time. “Oh, Bucky!” “That’s it, baby girl. Scream my name.” To underline his cooed words he inserted a second finger in my pulsing pussy, curling them both in order to reach my g-spot. A cry of pure pleasure left me along with moaning a mixture of curse words and Bucky’s name. “Fuck! Bucky, right there! Oh god, don’t stop, I’m so close!”

“Your wish is my command.” With that said, Bucky flicked his tongue harder around my nub, hollowing his cheeks to suck my clit between his swollen lips, furiously pumping his fingers into me, hitting that spot again and again. “Oh, fuck, oh yes, yes YES! BUCKY!” My vision faded to black as waves of fire burned their way through my whole body.

Bucky crawled back up to me, kissing me hard, swirling his tongue around mine. I could taste myself on his tongue, intensifying the thrill. My fingers were running over Bucky’s back all the way down to the waistband of his jeans. Our tongues were massaging each other, my fingers wandering to the front of Bucky’s pants, undoing the button and zipper, shoving the material under the curve of his ass.

Through the black fabric of his underwear I rubbed Bucky’s hard erection. A deep growl left Bucky, my hips rocking against his to create some sort of friction. “Baby doll, I need you,” Bucky stuttered. “Then take me, James.”

Bucky finally discharged his last pieces of clothes, I inhaled sharply at the sight of his rock hard cock, already leaking droplets of precum. If I wouldn’t have been so desperate to feel him inside me, I would have sucked Bucky off immediately. With a knowing smirk, Bucky made eye contact with me. “Another time, doll. I need to be inside you right now.”

Bucky aligned his cock with my entrance, rubbing the tip a few times through my wet slit. Suddenly he stopped, looking guilty and shocked at me. “Shit, I almost forgot the condom.” I looked him sheepishly in his blue orbs, biting softly on his right earlobe, whispering seductively. “No need to worry. I’m on the pill. Now please, do something, Bucky.”

I shivered when Bucky rubbed his cock for the second time through my juices, lubricating it, before pushing slowly into me. “Fuck, doll. You’re tight. I’m gonna make you feel so good.” Moans of pleasure, heavy breathing were the only sounds heard in the room. I wiggled my hips, getting comfortable with the burning sensation from Bucky’s cock stretching my walls so deliciously. He kept pushing till he was buried to the hilt into me, reaching spots no man ever reached before.

“B-Bucky, please move.” I could only whisper hoarsely. Bucky started with a slow pace, leaving only his tip in me, before pushing back in all the way. I was soon a whimpering, load moaning mess. I digged my fingers into Bucky’s ass, pulling him down harder into me. We both cried out of pleasure when he reached even deeper. I couldn’t take it much longer, nearly begging Bucky to move faster. “Please, please, I need to come. Fuck! Oh, Bucky, right there. Faster!” My nails raked over his shoulders and back as he picked up a faster rhythm.

Our sweaty, heavily breathing bodies moved in perfect sync, trying to reach our highs. Bucky pounded with fast, hard and deep strokes into me. As much as I wanted to warn Bucky of my upcoming orgasm, I couldn’t stop myself from moaning, unable to let words leave my lips. “JAMES!” My walls contracted around Bucky’s cock, making him loosen his rhythm as his own climax approached.

With a guttural cry Bucky released his hot seed inside me, painting my inner walls with his white semen. He collapsed on top of me, peppering my face with loving kisses, as we both came down from our climaxes.

With a last peck on my lips, he walked into the bathroom. He returned with a warm wash cloth in his hands, getting rid of our mixed juices between my cunt. I hummed satisfied as he climbed back into bed to me, spooning me from behind, covering both of us with the duvet. “I love you, Bucky, more than anything.” “I love you, too, [Y/N], more than my life. Sleep now, doll. You need all the energy for round two.” A faint chuckle was all I could come up with, before falling asleep pressed tightly against Bucky’s warm body.                      

PART 12 •••►

Well, I hope you all like it! Let me know what you think about it. Feel free to message me anytime!



‘Always There’: Anti Mini Fic

So I wrote another Anti fic… with a little bit of Septiishu and I feature in it too… no idea what made me think of this but I hope you like it anyway :) 

Kind of a spoiler but tw, if you don’t like reading about people hurting others or themselves then probably don’t read this ^-^

Keep reading

No Place For Kids

A short story involving one very desperate youth and a gang leader’s attempts to break the cycle he couldn’t escape…

-A deathly quiet had fallen over the room, the only sounds now coming from the constant, distant drum of rain on the roof and the noise of grunts in other parts of the mansion. Guzma leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees as he stared hard at the nervous-looking young boy in front of him.

“What did you just say, kid?”

The boy swallowed and dared to meet his piercing gray eyes for just a moment before looking back down, “I-I want to j-join Team Skull.”

Keep reading

Protect Me

Request: 31 - 32 Derek Hale vs Y/N 

Author’s Note: This was fun to write, oh my goodness. I had so many feels the whole time. So many. Oh lord

31:  “Nothing has ever scared me more than being with you”

32. “I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified”

Warnings: Implications of sexual activity; feels. So many feels.


I stared at the high ceiling of the loft, the silky sheets covering my body. Derek laid next to me, sound asleep. I listened to his even breathing and tried to match the steady rhythm with my own. Looking over at him, I couldn’t help but let out a small, bittersweet smile. His face was devoid of any worry lines, something that only happened when he was sleeping, and he finally looked like he was at peace.

Derek.. The memories of the night before, only a few hours ago, ran through my mind, sending a tingling feeling all over my body. I remembered the feel of his lips on mine, so soft and gentle, yet so commanding and dominating. My mind replayed the sensation of his calloused hands running all over my skin, from my neck to my arms to my sides to my thighs, exploring every dip and curve they could find. I thought of his fingers lacing with mine as we merged into one, our bodies moving together perfectly to create tiny, explosive sensations. 

My chest suddenly became tight. Tears were burning behind my eyes and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep them from spilling over. I knew he didn’t want anything more than the shock waves of bliss we sent rippling through each other several days a week.

But I did.

I wanted Derek Hale, all of him, but I knew I’d never be able to have him completely. Resigning myself to the promise that I wouldn’t continue to torture myself like this anymore, I climbed out of the bed as quietly as I could, trying not to wake him as I slipped back into my clothes from the day before. I turned to steal one last look at Derek before walking out of his life, but when I found his green eyes looking back at me, my heart broke a little more.

“You aren’t staying?” he asked softly, his voice riddled with sleep. I shook my head to give myself a few extra sentences to pull my voice together.

“Not tonight,” I told him simply. I held his gaze for a moment more, dropping my eyes toward the floor when it became too much. I tried to steady my breathing and get myself under control. I refused to let myself lose it in front of him right now. I heard the covers shift and snapped my head up to see Derek out of bed and walking toward me.

“What’s going on, Y/N?” he asked, his voice sounding concerned. “I can hear your heartbeat.” I closed my eyes and half-turned toward the door.

“I can’t do this anymore..” I managed to get out in a whisper. 

“What do you mean?”

“This, Derek,” I stated, the tears getting dangerously close to falling down my cheeks. “I can’t keep sleeping with you and pretending like I’m okay afterward!” I met Derek’s eyes the best I could without falling apart. His brows were knitted in confusion and he let out a sigh, running a hand through his messy hair.

“I don’t understand…I didn’t know you felt that way,” he told me, reaching out to touch my arm, but I pulled away, shaking my head.

“I’m sorry..” I choked out, salty drops now staining my face. I made for the door, not able to be around him for another second.

“Y/N wait!” Derek called, and I froze, my hand resting on the door to the loft. “Talk me, come on. Please..” I could hear him walking toward me. Taking a deep breath, I spun around to face him.

“I’m scared- no, I’m terrified,” I stated, my voice sounding shaky. “I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified.” Tears were pouring from my eyes now, and I didn’t even care that he was seeing me like this.

“What?” Derek replied. There was slight shock in his voice, which only made this worse.

“You and I, we don’t want the same things, Derek,” I began. “At first, yeah, it was a good fuck, but now? Now it’s passionate in a whole other way! It’s sweet and caring and loving. It has been for awhile now. I don’t really know where that changed along the line, but it isn’t just sex for me anymore. I’m making love.” I was becoming louder and more full of emotion by the word. “I want you, Der. I don’t just mean in bed, I mean all the time. I want to have an actual, real relationship with you, and that’s dangerous.”

“Why do you think that’s dangerous?” he asked quietly, looking at me with pain in his eyes.

“Because you don’t want that!” I yelled, throwing my arms out.

“You think, after all this time, that I don’t want to have a relationship with you?” Derek stepped closer to me now, his eyes narrowing slightly, but not in a threatening way. 

“It has been five months, Derek. If you wanted something more then-”

“You don’t know how many nights I lay awake and I see you sleeping next to me, so fragile and so beautiful and calm, everything I’m not, and I think about what it would be like to be able to hold you every night, to be able to spend every free minute I have with you, to take you out, to really be with you!” he said, his voice sounding urgent. But hearing these words only made me angry. It didn’t make sense.

“Then why!” I yelled at him. “Tell me why that can’t happen!”

“Because nothing has ever scared me more than being with you!” Derek shouted back. “You don’t get it. I’m not safe. Everyone I care about, they end up getting hurt- or worse.” His tone was quieter now, but his chest was rising and falling slightly more quickly than normal. More tears came to my eyes and I walked slowly over to him, tilting his face to look me in eyes, my hand cupping his cheek softly.

“Then protect me,” I whispered. Derek drew in a sharp breath, holding my gaze and searching my eyes. And then he was kissing me. He was kissing me like I was his only source of oxygen and I clung to his shoulders for dear life. When we broke away, he rested his forehead against mine to catch our breath, our eyes closed as we basked in the moment.

“With my life,” he said softly, and then I was leaning up to kiss him.

@wrathfultendencies || from ask

“Uuuuuhrr I don’t want to!! Everyone should gaze upon the tragic, yet beautiful sight of my tear stained face right now… See what they’ve done to me, and share my sorrows…. I will not stop until someone tells me I am beautiful in every way, shape and form..!!”

It was like dealing with a very big child, because Pride absolutely refused to stop bawling unless he got what he wanted. When people actually managed to bother him, he took Deep offense.

I just washed my face and put on moistruizer and guess what now theres salty tear stains goin every which way and im not washin it cause im not done yet

anonymous asked:

I've thought about this a lot, must have been emotionally wrenching for Kakashi seeing his best friend die a second time and his sensei too, so I thought a headcanon in which he breaks and Sakura finds him and heals him , you know, something like that...

Something was missing, Sakura thought as she scanned the battlefield with sharp but tired eyes. Healing the last one drained the remanent of her energy and now that she finally looked up to study the scenery, something felt wrong.

Genma was passed out on the ground next to her, snoring lightly and looking like a little child if you ignored the blood and the mud.

Next to her Ino was healing Kiba who had a broken arm and severely bruised jaw.

In her direct line of sight was Tenten, staring into space. Sakura always suspected Tenten liked Neji -and even if she didn’t, losing a teammate has got to be the hardest thing ever.

Naruto and Sasuke limped their way back to the crowd, both bleeding heavily, their stumps closed but yet to be properly healed.

It clicked in her mind.

Where’s Kakashi?

Sakura stood up in alarm and swayed lightly on the spot. ‘Ugh, Chakra depletion.’ She thought in misery.

There’s only one place the silver-head would go to right now.

Sakura limped her way to the cenotaph and there, she found him.

But something looked awfully off. The air tasted weird -even his posture looked wrong.

He had a naturally slouched posture but this…this wasn’t the way Kakashi stood.

Because dispute his hunched shoulders and laziness he still held his head up a certain way, with an air of confidence…but now it was tilted down and staring on the ground, his shoulders were stiff and slightly shaking.


His whole body froze. He didn’t turn around as he replied, “yes?”

Even his voice was too heavy.

“What’s wrong?” She asked and nearly had a heart attack when she heard him sniff quietly and wipe at his face.

“Nothing. Why are you here?”

When he turned around to face her, her heart nearly shattered. He looked so vulnerable, his eyes were red and his mask was gone. Blood and dirt stained his cheeks.

“Kakashi are you crying?” She asked, gobsmacked.

He looked away from her face. “No. Some dirt got in my eyes.”

The clear stains of tears left on his face said otherwise.

And now wasn’t the time to gush over seeing his face either and so she approached him with a quiet sigh and wrapped her arms around him. “It’s okay to cry. It’s human. You should let it out.”

He was stiff for a few moments before his forehead dropped onto her shoulder and she felt his shaky breathing on her neck.

She tried to contain her shock when she felt little wet droplets on her shoulder and felt his shoulders shake slightly.

Her heart clinched painfully. Kakashi never cried -he must be in a lot of pain to allow himself to, and in front of her!

She held him closely, her hand gently rubbing his back. She didn’t try to offer him comforting words -she wasn’t sure he’ll like that so instead she pressed soft kisses on the side of his face until he calmed down.

He didn’t let go though. “This is embarrassing.”

His voice was so little and weak she nearly cried herself. “I don’t think so.”

He pulled back finally, to roughly wipe at his face before facing her once more. His appearance broke her heart.

“What is it?” She asked him again, gently.

“Ah,” he said taking a weary breath. “It was a little rough to see Obito and sensei die again is all.”

Sakura didn’t think about that. It must’ve been so hard.

She held his hands and squeezed them, “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head and put on a weak smile, “I’m glad you’re fine at least.”

“I’m fine.” She confirmed. “But I’ll feel better if you’d let me take care of you. Come on, let’s go home.”

He nodded and let her lead him back to the village by the hand. Their homes might be destroyed, but even a tent was home as long as they were together.