my face in the first picture tho ]]

anonymous asked:

U should post a selfie of your gay self <3

….. this is what you meant by “selfie” right

anonymous asked:

Any fic/scenario rec?? :)) idc about the genre

That is… a very serious question my friend. Let me change into my comfy pants (no pants) and I will give you the tip of the iceberg.

@btssmutgalore - Zaddy - Sugar Daddy, Kim Taehyung. 

I CAN NOT HYPE THIS STORY ENOUGH. I actually 100% blame this story for my obsession with Taehyung. I didn’t even consider him before and now… I am wrecked. 

@chanyeolspout - Anything for Her - Single Dad, Park Chanyeol

I would like to reiterate that I didn’t know who Chanyeol was before this story. Literally didn’t know who he was and still fell head over heels for it. That’s how good this story and the writing is.

@kittae - Bon Appetit - Dirty, filthy Zhang Yixing

Okay, so I am sensing a theme, bare with me. I didn’t know who Lay was (I know, I was young and I was so stupid) my EXO bias was Kai because he was the first member I saw. Then I read this story and a monster was awoken inside me. Actual thought process after reading this drabble, “Damn. I should look up a picture of this guy. *Googles Yixing* *falls desperately in love* *dies and is resurrected every time I see his GOD DAMN BEAUTIFUL FACE*” Thanks @kittae, I used to think that there wasn’t anyone that could compete with my Love (capitol L) for Jiyong, but Yixing tho…. 

@kpoppantydrop Strap in nonnie. 

Eyes On Me - Daddy AF Choi Seunghyun 

I almost didn’t write Angels and Demons because after reading Eyes on Me I doubted that I would ever be able to create a comparable Seunghyun. I am still not convinced I did. Bottom line, read this. 

Partition - Dom! Park Jinyoung. 

You know what’s not done enough (besides fat girl fiction)? Stories whose titles are also Beyonce songs that I can listen to the entire time I’m reading it, which only emphasizes the mood. Also… Jinyoung smut, not done enough. 

Sweat, Thighs, Tears - Park Jimin

I’m not going to say much about this. It’s short, just read it. If your sense of humor is anything like mine, it will bring you endless joy. If not…  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Curaçao - Park Chanyeol

I once said that I want this story read at my funeral. I stand by that. My family and friends all know I live a life of filth and sin. They will not be surprised, they will be blessed. You may want to read this in a ice bath that’s been blessed by the pope. 

@noona-la-la-la - Unexpected -  Min Yoongi

How does one summarize this masterpiece… they don’t. Just read it. 

@smutfictionaddicted - 

Eyes on the Prize Zhang Yixing (Lay), Kim Minseok (Xiumin), Kim Jongdae (Chen) and Byun Baekhyun. 

The lineup on this fic should be more than enough to intrigue you tbth. The first story I read by CL and I don’t regret it for a second. Came for Yixing stayed for this amazing writer.  

This Could Be… - Kim Namjoon

This story is…*sigh*… so good. There’s a lot of dirty dom!joon out there which is great, DO NOT GET ME WRONG, but I live for smart/nerd!joon and she provides.  

@tabi-ears - Let’s Not Fall In Love - Choi Seunghyun

I tend to stand by the belief that the best stories are ones where the writer is writing about their bias. I binge read this entire series in a matter of hours. Hours in the middle of the night when I should have been sleeping and then some of the ones when the sun was just coming up. I will wait however long it takes for the next part with bated breath and so should you. 

@eureka-its-zico - Fighter - Jeon Jungkook

I have lost count of the amount of times I have read this story. Aggressive Kookie has never been done so well. C'est vraiment magnifique!

@versigny - Miss Dial - Fratboy! Min Yoongi

The build up is so excruciating and somehow still completely satisfying. If you enjoy pain and suffering, you’ll probably enjoy this too. 

@waitinginthedarke - Exposure - Min Yoongi

This is another series that I binge read until my eyes were practically bleeding. It’s so good. Who doesn’t love fluffy Yoongi stories?? He’s such a smol squish. heart eyeeeees. 

@war-of-hormoan - I did genuinely consider just screen-capping her masterlist and then posting that but I will do this properly. And by properly I mean with a series of gifs that mirror my reactions to the stories because I just love her so much that I get too excited for real words. I’ve said it before and I’ll no doubt say it again, I crush hard on Rams. 

Weights & Measures - Min Yoongi

Originally posted by heyyhaleyheyy

The City - Kim Namjoon

Originally posted by livelovecaliforniadreams

For You - Kim Taehyung 

Originally posted by whynooooot

Enjoy! I hope you find something you love!

Plastic Surgeon!Jun

Originally posted by withjunhui

  • HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO 1 OUT OF 2 PRINCES OF CHINA!!!!!!!
  • plastic surgeon Jun, just imagine that
  • became a plastic surgeon because he likes to help people boost their confidence even if it’s changing a part of their body
  • gets a lot of shit for his job because people believe he’s only doing beauty enhancements on every patient
  • but his job is soo much more. he helps patients with physical injuries such as burn victims who use plastic surgery to get a sense of normality
  • that’s why Jun loves his job, he gets to help people make themselves feel better
  • will always always do a full length consultation with a patient about the effects of plastic surgery
  • “self confidence is more important than body image. how you perceive yourself is worth much more than a new nose”
  • encourages patients to rethink their decision and about 40% of the time they do
  • surgeon hottie of the building
  • everyone has a crush on him, the patients, nurses, doctors, even the pediatric unit
  • flirty as hell but gets really shy if the person flirts back like he gets all red faced and just
  • “I GOTTA GO”
  • flirts with nurses mostly
  • will always be with his patients in their recovery period
  • when his patients are looking at themselves in the mirror, he’s right next to them, and his first words are always “you look beautiful”
  • everyone’s #1 self confidence booster
  • will joke with everyone tho like
  • “ugh I hate my eyelids”
  • cue Jun sliding in “I can help with that”
  • five seconds later “pls don’t consider that. you’re beautiful just the way you are” 
  • gets asked multiple times if he went under the knife
  • has pictures to prove that he in fact did NOT have surgery
  • will occasionally get lost in the building
  • during his first month he was so used to navigating himself in the west wing since that’s where his office was but he somehow ended up in the east wing
  • so everyone is just watching as this hot doctor is walking back and forth with a confused expression
  • its okay dont worry, nurse Jeonghan to the rescue to lead the boy back to the west wing
  • often gets paged to be a translator for Chinese patients
  • that’s how he met you
  • youre one of the hospitals translators, you were paged by interns when you were with a patient and waited until after your current consultation to go answer the page
  • when you got there, you just see this really handsome doctor speaking fluent Chinese
  • you were kind of starstruck because when did we get a chinese doctor
  • cue flirty Jun when he turns to see you “Hi I’m Jun but you can call me any time”
  • “Y/N and well I hope I can” you send him a wink when you shake his hand
  • and now Jun is all red faced and flustered and after a minute he’s still holding your hand
  • intern Chan is really uncomfortable “should I leave?”
  • after the encounter Jun becomes this flustered shy mess when he sees you in the hallway
  • starts to avoid you by walking the opposite direction or suddenly gets a page when you come towards him
  • he doesn’t officially face you again until he’s in need of an English interpeter
  • and you walk into his room with a confident stride, clipboard in hand, and a giant grin on your face
  • Jun gets all antsy because you’re sitting so close to him, your shoulders are touching and he can smell the faint perfume coming off of you
  • when the patient leaves, you’re just about to go yourself but flustered Jun doesn’t want you too so he screams “COFFEE”
  • and you let out a laugh and its literally music to his ears and you agree to having coffee with him and he feels as though his heart is bursting
  • decides he has heart problems and visits Cardiac doctor Seokmin
  • “are you sure you’re having irregularities? you seem perfectly fine”
  • “yeah my chest always hurts when I’m with Y/N”
  • Seokmin has this big teasing grin on his face “I know what you have. your have a condition know as LOOOOVE”
  • the next time Jun sees you, you’re sitting across from him at the hospital cafe talking about something and he’s a silent before he whispers “I like you”
  • now its dead silent and Jun’s looking around before “WHOOP WOW LOOK AT THAT LOOKS LIKE I GOT A PAGE”
  • you stop him before he can run out and you muster up a quiet ‘i like you too’
  • after that everything just falls into place
  • constant pick up lines
  • pick up lines in Korean, in chinese, or sometimes he just stares as you before his eyes trail down to your —–
  • “JUN WE ARE IN A HOSPITAL”
  • gets really sad whenever you get insecure about your body
  • hugs you from behind with his chin resting on your shoulder, he whispers in your ear every little thing he loves about you and whether you change them or not, he’ll love you either way
  • gets mushy with you a lot in the hospital
  • you constantly have to tell him to stop because he just wants to hold you in his arms forever
  • says ‘'i love you’ in Chinese and always whispers it in your ear to be cute
  • bickers with you in Chinese because he thinks its the most adorable thing to see you all riled up and you don’t want to seem unprofessional so you spit out Chinese and Jun is smiling at your serious cute expression and he just pulls you into a hug
  • BIRTHDAY TIME
  • you initially wanted to wake up early and surprise him with breakfast but you just couldn’t wake up to your alarms but Jun understands so he leaves you with a kiss on the cheek
  • when you get to the hospital for work, you decide to bring Jun his favorite coffee and bring it to his office
  • and to thank you, he lightly pushes you against his desk, bringing his lips onto your with the softest touch and you just melt into it
  • “um” you and Jun look at the doorway where an awkward Chan stares at the ceiling, “is this a bad time”
  • during the day when Jun is giving a consultation, the overhead speaker comes on and intern Hansol starts to bust out some raps and its really cute because the raps are corny verses about how Jun is amazing and Hansol ends it off with a ‘message brought to you courtesy of Y/N”
  • Jun is smiling the whole day because of that and Hansol is smiling at the extra $20 he just made
  • Later gets a page for him to report to the doctor’s lounge, notices the hallways are a bit emptier than usual
  • When he steps into the lounge, the lights come on, and every is screaming “Happy Birthday”, you’re standing in front with a cake in your hands and big smile on your face
  • you set the cake down and open your arms for him to come into, and he bear hugs the heck out of you
  • “How did you get all these people here”
  • you smile while looking at him “who wouldn’t come for the number one confidence booster in the building”
  • and although he’s surrounded by a bunch of people he appreciates, he really just wants to be home with you eating the whole cake yourselves
  • Jun basically loves you a lot, like a lot a lot. Tells you every day how beautiful you are even when you’re fresh out of bed with the worst bed hair and a toothbrush hanging out of your mouth and that toothpaste foam dripping from your lips, he’d still wants to kiss you with that foam on your face.
  • pls never let this boy go.
Thoughts on Down

This is a long-ass shit, and I’m not forcing you to read. Also, please be reminded that this is just MY opinion. We all have different opinions, and I’m here to simply share my thoughts, and not to convince you to change yours. So please don’t go to my ask pushing your opinion. I already heard yours. I woke up to a bunch of “asks” and I already know that some don’t like it, while some do.

My initial reaction:

• why is this so auto-tuned? Okay, Dinah’s voice sounds like smooth warm caramel on top of a sundae. Why is this so basic? Lauren’s adlibs tho! Why are the lyrics so generic? Oooh WFH melody… It’s gonna be a bop! Wait why is the chorus so blandly repetitive? But it’s not that bad. Why do they sound so alike?

• and picture me with my earphones on listening to the first verse, pre-hook, chorus and shit with a pensive look on my face, and disappointment running through my head like damn I wanted more…

But then Gucci Mane came in, (and I know I’m the minority in this one), but for me, the first authentic reaction the song elicited from me was his part.

Why? Because his part was so off and out of nowhere that it took me out of the rut I was in. Like imagine a flat line where the song was just monotonous, like a car cruising on a smooth freeway (not bad, but also kind of boring) but then you run into a pothole and you get jerked off your stupor…

That’s what gucci’s part was for me. A tiny spike on that flat line. A deviation that held my attention. I’m not saying it’s amazing. I’m saying that the grating sound of the bass and the randomness of it was what made me smile while listening to it. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that I was smiling the whole time I was listening to that weird bass with a tiny bit of goosebumps on my skin because I knew then that I COULD like Down without lying to myself. It was the only thing that caught my attention, aside from Lauren’s adlibs (which, girl, I wish she did more. I live for Lauren going offffff)

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m so done with these collabs with rappers, like I wanted to hear them alone, like they did with Boss (idc if you say that one is trash lmao, Boss is a bop for me. I fucking love that shit 😂), but if they really have to collab with rappers, I wish it wasn’t Gucci. Maybe Chance, or Migos damn…

But if it were up to me, I wish they would have collabed with female rappers. I still am salty that NTKG wasn’t utilized much. A missed opportunity with Missy Elliott like bitch you had to release TMG over NTKG? NTKG was at least more authentic with the sound it’s trying to project. It was old school and it owned it. Like Voicemail was reminiscent of 90’s bops and not lacing it with today’s trendy dancehall or tropical vibe. It has its own sound, and not a mix of everything generic we hear today where we hear a song and we automatically hear the edm producers more than the artist.

But OMG I digress, sorry.

So yeah, DOWN…

So after my initial reaction, I gave it a couple more listen, and then I watched the live performance, then I slept, then I woke up the next day and I listened to the audio a couple more times, watched the live several more, and here’s my conclusion:

• Down is that kind of a summer bop which grows on you. It’s not a bad song. It’s simplistic but also season-friendly. It’s probably what the label insisted on as their first release.

The reason why it probably feels lacking for me, aside from its repetitiveness, is that maybe it lacks another verse. It’s shorter than WI and WFH so it feels incomplete. There must be a reason for it. It could really be just a teaser.

• at this point in my 5h-stanning life, I’m not even expecting anything mind-blowing. All I want is for 5H to slay the charts, because this should be their era. They seem genuinely happy now and my god after everything they’ve been through (label shit and all), ALL FIVE OF THEM deserve our unwavering support.

• Sure, Down isn’t what I expected. Yes, I wanted more. I wanted more lyrics. I wanted a kickass sound. But, idk man, after several repeats, I think it’s a good enough bop.

• with regards to the vocals, I still hate the auto-tuned shit. I get that maybe they’re finally utilizing Lauren’s range, but I prefer that they don’t auto tune much because I could barely hear her rasp (which was still obvious in her live performance, despite the higher tone she’s using).

Maybe they’re doing it on purpose, making them sound the same as a symbol of their new sound’s “cohesiveness”, but I prefer old 5h where their voices are uniquely different.

• and I’m not even complaining that it sounds like WFH. I don’t have a problem with an artist using a tried and tested formula for ONE of their album’s single. It’s meant to hook the audience. It gives them that familiar sound which could make a NON-FAN recognize their older hits and draw them to the new one. Just because they said “NEW ERA” doesn’t mean that they should change their ENTIRE sound. There’s always that one or two singles that are meant to hook the general public. It’s a constant compromise a mainstream artist makes with their label.

(I mean, The Chainsmokers basically generate the same sound over and over and they’re charting as if they created music. And no, I’m not a big fan of the chainsmokers.

Point is, re-using WFH is not something unheard of. It’s a business move.)

You really can’t please everybody. Because when Lady Gaga released an album that felt authentic for her, some people criticized it and kept saying they wanted the old “Bad Romance” Gaga. When Lorde released her new single, Green Light, her hipster fanbase called her a sell-out and didn’t like that she’s deviated from her “sound” to be more mainstream and I was like bitch can’t an artist explore a different side of her artistry?

And on the flip side, can’t an artist use their old sound? My point is, Down was produced by the same people who made WFH for a reason. They are playing safe. They wanted a single that would generate enough attention like their previous ones did. Then maybe, just maybe, their next singles which probably showcase their authentic sound and lyrics will have as much impact since now people are paying attention. Because no matter how much we want them to be authentic, they’re still a girl group under a greedy ass label who needs them to maintain what their idea of a girl group music and image should be..

And while Down is not something I’m particularly excited about, it’s starting to get stuck in my head, and I don’t hate it. It’s a light summery chill song that’s good to play with your friends while sipping on your drinks by the pool. It is what it was supposed to be.

I get it, I was disappointed too. Down is a downer. But I’m not gonna judge the whole album with one single yet. I’m gonna wait.

This is why I wrote this one before Down was released:

https://problematic-camren.tumblr.com/post/161338803713/5h3

Because I knew that I wasn’t expecting much from their music. I sure hope for more, definitely, BUT stanning 5H isn’t always about their music.

And just because I don’t like a few of their songs, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve my support.

I’m supporting 5h because they represent girls who are not a standard definition of what society thinks a girl should look like or how they should act like. They symbolize us. They showed us that one can achieve their dreams through hard work, and while they have been mistreated before (by their label and by fans alike) they still kept their heads up high, with grace and maturity, and kept on spreading love and inspiration, and they kept on smiling even if their hearts were breaking. They kept striving to be the best they could be, and it’s inspiring. And to see genuine warmth from these pop stars, their love and appreciation for their fans, is something that makes me wanna stan them forever. That’s why even if i really don’t like their music, I’d still keep on stanning them, because what they shared to us, the representation they gave us, the beauty and poise they all showed us, man, even if they fucking screeched for an entire album, I’ll be fuucking putting that on loop and still support their asses.

And I know it’s blind support, but I knew what I was getting into when I started supporting 5h. I wasn’t a pop person before this, I knew I won’t love their music so much. I stan them because I like them, plain and simple.

And I know it’s different for everybody. It’s all just a matter of preferences. Some could unstan just coz they don’t like the song, and that’s totally okay. We’re free to stan or unstan whoever we want. But like I said, it’s just one song. Let’s wait for the other singles and the album.

Ideally, I would love for them to show us everything they have as artists. This is their chance to go big. They have so much potential and I would have liked to see it shine while they’re still in the group. I want the brand Fifth Harmony to leave a lasting mark in this industry. I want them to be on the same spot as TLC or SG or DC. I want them to legit deserve their title.

And Down is not it. But guess what? Down is just one single. I’m gonna wait patiently for the rest of their stuff. I ONLY NEED THAT ONE CLASSIC HIT I’VE BEEN CRAVING FOR SINCE I STARTED LISTENING TO THEM. ONE CLASSIC SONG THAT WOULD STILL BE PLAYED GENERATIONS LATER BECAUSE IT’S JUST SO DAMN RELATABLE AND HEARTFELT.

That’s all I want. And I hope I’ll find that in 5H3.

Yes, Down is empty.

But I won’t unstan just because of one song. We can be disappointed (as I sure was), but I think that 5H is worth more than a few musical disappointments.

💁🏻

What’s this? A real art?! Preposterous!

Sometimes I do things that aren’t fanart! This is my art class final. We were revisiting our first unit ever, from two years ago, which was a self portrait unit.

So yes! It me face! We had to complete these in-class, and it took me about an hour.

Artwork ©: alazic02

Do not repost.

P.S. based on the full photo in this thing!

6

artists self rec tag!

when you get this, reply with your favourite five or so drawings, then pass on to about five other artists.

tagged by @datura-tea (thank you!!! 💕)

tagging: @fraenkysjunk @malpaislegate @caesarslegion @telvani @mundanesalad and honestly everyone else that wants to do it, I’m 100% sure I forgot someone who does art 

The super sweet and super adorable @lameeejaneee tagged me to post a selfie(and also take a hit which I’m gonna do first thing when my wisdom teeth are done healing) so here’s as close as I can get to smiling in a picture lol

I’m gonna tag @m3zz4nin3, @whoduhthunkit,and @fairyganjmother to post selfies and show off their wonderful faces

I was going thru my first Tumblr archive and came across this old picture of me and the dude I was with at the time. I was so goofy. lol. He wasn’t out so we never took pictures like that but this was one of the few times we did and I posted it on my first blog. That face i’m making is HIDEOUS tho.

Okay, but picture this

Thranduil goes to the undying lands before legolas right so he’s just chilling, maybe lying in a hammock or smth by the sea in the bay of eldamar, happily content that he’s finally found a place without those accused dwarves, when he sees legolas’s ship on the horizon

And at first he’s pleased ofc that his son’s finally made it the the undying lands

But then he spots gimli

dystopiceyre  asked:

In the "get yourself a girl who can do both" photoset I'd say your most noticeable feature is your strong brow game 👌🏾 also, like, fluid gender presentation goals

Ahh thank you (tho I can’t lie, they’re lightly filled in for the femme picture and heavily filled in in the masc one)!! Also what you said about the fluid gender presentation makes me very happy.

(Tell me what feature of mine is the first you notice) (tagged #my face)

The Tear In Maya's Hart

thank you guys so much for 500+ followers!!! this title’s been in my drafts since i made this corny url and girl meets creativity gave me an opportunity. so here’s some super cheesy fluff in which maya is older but still a fan of twenty one pilots.

“My heart is my armor. She’s the tear in my heart.”

The blonde-haired beauty sat at her desk, mumbling the words of an old favorite song. With both earbuds in and a pen in hand, her blue eyes gazed in pride at her most recent sketch. She was supposed to be getting work done but as she’s found in the past, it’s hard to focus on paperwork when there’s an empty room of art supplies all to yourself. The song was coming to an end and just as she reached for her phone to replay it, a knock came from the arch of the open classroom door.

“Hey kid!” Maya smiled at a blue-haired teenager standing at the doorway and pulled the earbuds out from her ears. “What’s up?”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

care to elaborate on your feelings on the bathrobe hitch pic? pretty please?

this has been in my inbox forever bc im horrible, BUT, i know that harrys resting face is usually pretty grump, and so far hitch has been pretty smooth-going (as far as my fictional/porn interpretation goes) but when i look at that picture, i get ~first fight~ vibes. not like, knock down drag out, but first serious argument type thing. i wanna say that it’s pre-sex/intimate involvement, and more about like, harry just showering mitch with Stuff and mitch doesnt know how to handle it bc it makes him feel slightly guilty and ~weird, bc even tho he worked at a pizza place, he wasnt like, desolate or anything, and just bc harry has more money than he’ll even know what to do with, he doesnt have to treat mitch like some charity case and offer to pay for literally everything in some sort of uneven exchange where mitch plays guitar for the album and harry serves up the world on a silver platter? idk i think harry tried to like, convince him to get a massage with him, one that harry had come to the villa, and it was a nice offer, but its a compound issue where harry has been giving him things ALL WEEK, because they just got there and harry is pulling out all the stops to impress everyone and make sure they like him (harry knows that throwing material things at people isn’t the way to go about it, and he’s not trying to do it in that ~way, he’s just generous by nature, wants people to have things, because if he can live the way he does, he wants his pals to as well) and mitch is just like, ‘dude, enough.’ and they fight. IDK IDK

5

Based off of this X

Edit: made a cosplay video to accompany this X

This was my first time making a comic thing and actually completing it. Sadly I couldn’t make the peepo as godly as I wanted but I was happy to draw two of my fave faces that my son makes! 

(re-uploaded cuz there were problems with the pictures fixed it now tho, ps you read this vertically just top panel, bottom panel, then next picture)

spoilery cursed child thoughts!!!!

- it has been nine years and ten days since i have had a brand new harry potter book in my hands i am very emotional

- seriously there will be spoilers like i’m just going thru the book so bye bye if u aint read it yet

- also i have literally heard nothing about this so if some spoilers are well known i didn’t know!!

Keep reading

Joke’s on you, Gotham. 

Guess what? Ain’t dead


Okay. I’m seriously pissed off at the moment, everytime I try to sleep my phone’s ringing, Jerome, you have like 190203903 notifications on twitter, Jerome, why are you dead, Jerome, the Joke was on you! Screw it. On top of it, Theo started to sell off all my stuff, including my throwing knives and this is just not acceptable. Kinda start to doubt his motives…

Plus: Staying off the radar might work for some people, but it clearly doesn’t work for me, it’s tiring. BORING! (Tho’ I gotta admit I enjoy seeing punks on the streets wearing “#BringJeromeBack shirts . Somewhat flattering).

But enough. Gonna share what REALLY went down that faithful eve, so hold yer hats, ‘cause the joke’s -in fact- on you…

Let’s start with the obvious: Of course I was involved in Theo’s plan. It was all part of the show, nothing but a whole, big magic act.

Theo needed a victory, I needed to disappear for a while, ‘cause to be honest, the whole “running away from the cops” thingy is fun for a while, but I got better things to do. Watching Catfish, playing GTA…real life turned out to get quite impossible, besides, I’m too pretty to hide under tons of makeup everytime I leave the house. 

However, Theo told me that the big stars need to disappear for a while, he had a point though, what would TuPac be today without conspiracy theories?

I believed him, but in retrospective, I think he just wanted to get rid of me to get in Babsi’s pants. Maybe he felt threatened by me, she clearly had a thing for me, I dunno. But the truth is: I don’t really give a fuck about Theo. Kinda admired the guy, ya know, but no one is stealing my spotlight. Even tho’ I didn’t fake my death because of him, but because I wanted to prove a point.


The whole act was quite easy, all it took was a willing, dumb audience, a trick knife, tons of fake blood and a few participants. You have no idea how quickly people forget about their morals when it rains dollar bills, and this goes for everyone (Hello ambulance guys, pleasure to work with ya.)

As for the rest: It was all about distraction. Because this is what magic’s all about.

Remember the pigeon trick? Of course you do, ‘cause everyone’s always looking at the pigeon. This is how 99% of the magic tricks work- let the audience focus on something else and they don’t notice whatcha doing in the meantime. Time for the blood capsules. 

How I was able to keep them in my mouth and giving impressive speeches at the same time? Good question, but bitch, please.

I spent the last couple of months in an asylum, do you really think I can’t hide pills in my mouth without anyone noticing?


It was important that Barbara didn’t notice anything, she’s pretty, but forgive me- she ain’t the brightest candle on the cake (Excuse me, who drops a mask during the show?? Unprofessional!), she was a risk. Theo’s idea, not mine. Still wondering if he’s jealous of his sister because she screws Barbara or the other way around, but that is none of my business, though this whole weird siblings relationship basically screams Game of Thrones. However.

Theo held his little “blablabla, I’m so sorry Jerome, that’s not what we rehearsed” speech, slammed the trick knife into the latex application thingy, more fake blood, time to bite the capsules.

God, I was great, wasn’t I? Had to laugh tho’, tried to pull a sad face at first, but it was just to funny, couldn’t help it. The hardest thing was to hold still while they brought me to the morgue, could relax in the meat wagon for a bit, but, you know, it was only a five minutes ride and people start to raise questions when they see a corpse wheeling into a morgue while eating a sandwich.

The coroner was a funny dude, we played some Ludo, I washed some blood off my throat, then all we had to do was to take some pictures of my corpse. He ate a Snickers bar while writing my medical report. True story.

A guy from the GCPD stopped by after, had to hold still for a more couple of minutes while they chatted about what an insane dick I was, waited ‘til they left, and went to MC Donald’s.

Planning to kill the coroner tho’, because nobody calls me a dick. This was fuckin’ rude, yes, and I can’t deny that it hurt a bit.


Now I’m sitting here, eating some pizza, watching the news and reading Twitter.  I mentioned earlier that I wanted to prove a point, and I did.


What my point is, you’re asking?


Madness isn’t a disease, it’s a whole concept. You don’t just wake up one day and decide “Hey, today is a good day, I think I’m going insane.”

It doesn’t work like that. Screw child traumas. They are not responsible for who we are or who we become, they are merely a tiny little red button, waiting to be pushed, there to show us who we really are and who we always have been.


Insanity is not a creation. It lingers in the air. It is everywhere. All it takes is a little push.

With this being sad, I beg you to stop sending me weird messages. Gifts are welcome tho’. Credit cards, chocolates, nude pics. Keep the shit coming.

Time to raise from the ashes for me, we’ll see each other soon. In the meantime- spread the message, drown the streets of Gotham in blood, my little minions.


He who laughs last, laughs loudest.