my eyes are gonna hate me when i take all this off

Five Times Gabriel Agreste Caught Ladybug in His Son’s Bedroom (and the One Time He Caught Chat Noir)

Title: Five Times Gabriel Agreste Caught Ladybug in His Son’s Bedroom (and the One Time He Caught Chat Noir)
Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug
Pairings/Characters: Gabriel, Adrien/Ladybug
Rating: Teen
Notes: mentions of sex


“Adrien, your photoshoot has been moved.” Gabriel pushes open the door to his son’s bedroom, eyes scanning the tablet in front of him. “Nathalie will send you your new schedule for—”

His gaze flickers up, locking on the blonde sitting on the edge of his bed as well as the red- and black-spotted heroine crouched in front of him. Her hands on his knees, spreading his legs wide, face mere inches from his crotch, her blue eyes are wide with fright. A bright red has stained Adrien’s face, from the tops of his ears to the nape of his neck. Neither make an effort to correct their precarious positions.

There’s a stillness that follows his arrival, and all occupants freeze as they realize the predicament they’ve found themselves in. Gabriel’s mouth drops open, questions he’s not sure he even wants answers to on the tip of his tongue, but he still feels the need to ask.

“Adrien,” he begins, “Why is there a superhero in your room?”

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waking up the wolf inside

[here’s the full story, thanks for reading!]

-

Derek Hale is two hours late. At each passing minute, Stiles feels angrier and the only reason he hasn’t left is because Derek needs to come home at some point and when he does, Stiles is going to yell at him so hard he’s going to give him this interview just to send Stiles away.

Stiles can be pretty annoying when he wants to, that’s how he gets most of his job done.

Derek Hale though, he’s been fucking infuriating. For starters he lives in the middle of nowhere, Stiles got lost twice before he found someone who actually knew where Derek’s freaking cabin is. And there’s also the fact that he’s a nobody - Stiles’ only picture of him is from his High School graduation, like, fifteen years ago.

And that’s the most fascinating thing – not many people know about him but the ones who do can’t stop praising his work. The guy is an angel, but instead of protecting people he protects wolves. According to Scott’s boss – who’s like, the one person who has seen Derek in person and can attest he’s real – Derek has a vet degree, doesn’t like people and built his own cabin in the woods. To live amongst the wolves.

Stiles needs to interview this guy. At first because he got curious about a thirty-one year old guy living alone and now it’s about pride. He doesn’t just spend two hours outside someone’s house, especially when it’s snowing.

“Come on.” He groans. It’s freaking Alaska. Angel or not – Derek Hale is also a huge dick.

Stiles is beginning to think about breaking into the guy’s house (he can’t feel his toes) when he hears a car and a minute later a battered truck is parking next to Stiles’ rental car.

The man who steps out looks nothing like the High School picture Stiles found. For starters he look like a mountain man with a beard that does nothing but make him look hotter, the jeans doesn’t leave much to imagination either when it comes to his ass and the huge winter coat only accentuates his broad shoulders.

Stiles swallows. “Hey!” He yells, watching as Derek opens the back door. “Derek Hale?” He can’t hide his groan when Derek barely spares him a glance. “Hey, it’s freaking freezing here, you know?”

Derek lets out a groan of his own as he lifts something in his arms and steps away from the car. “I know.” He walks towards the house and as he gets closer, Stiles notices Derek is carrying a wolf. “Now, help me out here, yeah?”

Stiles doesn’t even think twice before dropping his bag and stepping closer. “What can I do?”

“Grab the key,” Derek instructs, “it’s in my back pocket.”

Later, Stiles will want to hide his face in embarrassment but now he can only think about the poor wolf whining in Derek’s arms as he touches Derek’s ass to find the key to open Derek’s house.

Once inside, Derek deposits the wolf on the floor, wrapping him further with blankets and asks Stiles to light up the fire as he goes around the house collecting things. “Is he going to be okay?” Stiles asks as Derek kneels in front of the wolf and runs a soothing hand over his head.

“Hopefully.” Derek answers. “And it’s a girl.” He tells Stiles. “She’s in labor.”

What.” Stiles squeaks. “Really? But –”

“In the kitchen,” Derek interrupts him, “get some hot water, and close the fucking door.”

Stiles blinks, watches as Derek tells her everything is going to be okay. She’s obviously uncomfortable, but stops squirming when Derek smiles and runs his hands over her belly.

Water.” Derek growls.

“Right.” Stiles gets on his feet. He so didn’t sign up for this.


“So,” he collapses on the floor, “does this happen a lot?”

Derek collapses next to him, eyes on the mother wolf and her six pups. “Is this part of your interview?”

Stiles snorts and rolls his eyes. “No, this is just me trying not to freak out.” He turns to look at Derek – his eyes are green, he realizes, and beautiful, he adds mentally.

“No, this doesn’t happen often.” Derek answers, finally. “Thankfully.”

Stiles nods and smiles when Derek turn to him. “You’re amazing.” He blurts out and Derek blinks, surprised. “Anyway,” Stiles shakes his head, tries to pretend the butterflies in his stomach are just from the adrenaline rush, “we’ll have to postpone the interview, but I think that’s justifiable.” He gets up, looks at his hands and realizes they are covered in blood. Ew. “Uh, can I use your bathroom before I go?”

“Go?” Derek asks, standing up too.

“I’m gonna get a hotel in town.” The nearest town is two hours away, but what can you do? He glances at the sleeping wolves. It’s not like this was Derek’s fault. “I think.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Derek says, bluntly. Stiles snorts – yeah, Derek really doesn’t have a way with people. “I have a spare bedroom.”

Stiles smiles. “Thank you.” He says. “I don’t really like driving in the snow.”

“Who does.” Derek says, asks maybe. Stiles still doesn’t know him, but as he follows Derek up the stairs, he realizes he really wants to.

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“He was lost, Cas. Our last hunt, he almost didn’t make it back and said he saw Billie.”

“He saw Billie?” Castiel parroted. They were both still in the war room in the bunker, the aftermath of recent events still fresh and new in their minds as Sam recounted what happened while Castiel had been “away.” 

“Yeah, and it wasn’t great.” Sam bit his lip. “Cas, When Mom disappeared…when you died. I think it broke him to a point where he couldn’t come back from it and deal with his grief. More than one night he’s had nightmares where I’d have to get him out and it’s always your name that’d he’d scream.”

“Grief is a complex emotion that is difficult to understand. The both of you have suffered with it greatly, but I have passed before.” Castiel paused, cognizant the statement should make no sense to anyone else except for the three of them. “He had been in grief then but had managed to find a way out. What made this time different?”

“I saw your wings, Cas.” A voice interrupted them from the threshold of the war room.

It clicked in Castiel’s head then. Understandable. "Dean.”

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Prompt List of Sarcasm
  1. “Well, what can I say? I’m a badass.” 
  2. “Define normal.” 
  3. “Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?” 
  4. “Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.” 
  5. “Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.” 
  6. “It’s amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.” 
  7. “I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.” 
  8. “And you wonder why you’re still single.” 
  9. “Remind me to kill you. Please.” 
  10. “I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.” 
  11. “That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?” 
  12. “Were you dropped on your head?” 
  13. “She’s crazy. And just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, there’s a crazy underground garage.” 
  14. “She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but I bet behind close doors she’s latex and whips.” 
  15. “If my day gets any worse, I’m asking hell if they’re having an exchange program.” 
  16. “Sorry. I don’t speak skank.” 
  17. “If I survive, can I go home?” 
  18. “My middle finger salutes you.” 
  19. “This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.” 
  20. “I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.” 
  21. “I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.” 
  22. “Insanity run in my family. It practically gallops.” 
  23. “Oh darling. Go buy a brain.” 
  24. “Somebody’s cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.” 
  25. “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” 
  26. “All due respect, but that’s a bunch of crap.” 
  27. “I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.” 
  28. “Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.” 
  29. “What did I tell you about calling her/him the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?” 
  30. “I heard that!” “You were supposed to!” 
  31. “I need therapy after this.” 
  32. “You didn’t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.” 
  33. “I’m not weird. I am limited edition.” 
  34. “I turned out liking you a lot more that I originally planned.” 
  35. “I think you’re weird.” “I think you’re boring.” 
  36. “If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur.” 
  37. “You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?” 
  38. “I’m afraid I’ve been thinking…” “A dangerous pastime.” 
  39. “I’d explain it to you, but you’re brain would explode.” 
  40. “Wow, there’s a big surprise. I think I’m going to have a heart attack and die from surprise.” 
  41. “I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make you ancestors dizzy.” 
  42. “Even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass!” 
  43. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.” 
  44. “You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.” 
  45. “Well, excuse me, psychic wonder!” 
  46. “The female of the species is more deadly than the male.” 
  47. “Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.” 
  48. “She’s hot, but she’s evil.” 
  49. “Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.” 
  50. “I already know that I’m going to hell. At this point it’s really go big or go home.” 
  51. “Go on, knock his teeth down his throat.” 
  52. “You’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers and people who talk at the theater.” 
  53. “What’s the point in screaming? No one’s listening anyway.” 
  54. “I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.” 
  55. “So stick that in your juice box and suck it.” 
  56. “Never take life seriously. No one ever comes out alive anyway.” 
  57. “This place hold a lot of memories for me. Some bad, some… No. No, no, all bad.” 
  58. “A little gasoline… blowtorch… no problem.” 
  59. “Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.” 
  60. “I know you can’t kill anybody, ‘cause I can’t kill anybody.” 
  61. “You’re insane, but you might also be brilliant.” 
  62. “What you call insanity, I call inspiration.” 
  63. “Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.” 
  64. “Why should we date?” “Because we are attracted to each other.” “I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.” 
  65. “Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.” 
  66. “I like you. You’re different.” 
  67. “You successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.” 
  68. “Neither one us is drunk enough for this conversation.” 
  69. “You’re questioning my methods.” “I’m not questioning it, I’m saying it’s stupid.” 
  70. “Wow, somebody needs a Happy Meal.” 
  71. “I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.” 
  72. “Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.” 
  73. “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.” 
  74. “I care so little, I almost passed out.” 
  75. “Well behaved woman rarely make history.” 
  76. “You’re so weird.” “You have no idea.” 
  77. “The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.” 
  78. “You haven’t even seen my bad side yet.” 
  79. “Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.” 
  80. “How’s life treating you?” “Like I ran over it’s dog.” 
  81. “Rule number one: don’t bother sucking up. I already hate you, that’s not going to change.” 
  82. “Oh God, we’re not gonna have to hug or anything, are we.” 
  83. “I’m so glad you could come.” “Cut the crap. Give me a drink.” 
  84. “You make no sense to me.” “Welcome to my life.” 
  85. “Have fun being deal.” “I will.” 
  86. “Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.” 
  87. “It’s called thinking. Go with it.” 
  88. “I made a new friend today.” “Real or imaginary?” “Imaginary.” 
  89. “Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.” 
  90. “I’m getting real bored and impatient. I don’t do bored and impatient.” 
  91. “The girl is strange no question.” 
  92. “Do us a favor… I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try no to do anything… stupid.” 
  93. “I know most people don’t like me; I don’t care, I don’t like most people.” 
  94. “You are a very strange person.” “Well, thanks for noticing.” 
  95. “I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but… no.”
  96. “I didn’t steal it. I permanently borrowed it.” 
  97. “I’m not shy. I’m just examining my prey.” 
  98. “If you pull out my earphones, I will pull out your lungs.”
  99. “I don’t dislike you, I nothing you.” 
  100. “Are you crying? No, I’m impersonating a fountain.” 
  101. “Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.” 
  102. “You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?” 
  103. “I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.” 
  104. “My advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.” 
  105. “I’m just gonna pack up and go straight to hell now.” 
  106. “My ex? Yeah, I’d still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or baseball bat.” 
  107. “She’s complicated like the DaVinci code, you know but harder to crack.” 
  108. “And just like everything else we do around here, it’s about to get weirder.” 
  109. “Such big evil in such a little thing.” 
  110. “Why do I still like you, knowing you’re a total asshole?” 
  111. “What does not kill you will likely try again.” 
  112. “Oh honey, I would but… I don’t want to.” 
  113. “And hello to you too… little homewrecker.” 
  114. “I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.” 
  115. “I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.” 
  116. “What doesn’t kill me might make me kill you.”
  117. “In another life, I think I was in a mental institution.” 
  118. “I’m not crazy. I’m just interesting.” 
  119. “Don’t make me pop your ten grand sand bags honey.” 
  120. “This is fun.” “Seriously, we’re trying to hide a body.” 

Request [x] Masterlist [x]

my favorite parts of ragnarok (because i need to list them out)

i’m literally sorry y’all i just gotta relive this masterpiece. definitely gonna misquote everything but you get the gist 

  • “BEHOLD… my stuff.”
  • taika’s infamous shakewake literally making a cameo
  • sam niell’s presence 
  • thor *arrives* loki: *spittake* o shit
  • “i swear i left him right here.” 
  • the weirdly flawless selfie thor takes with those girls 
  • *thor’s hammer smashes all of doctor stranger’s shit* ssssssssorryyyyyy……. 
  • literally valkyrie’s entire existence 
  • “anywhere else in the universe i’d be like a billion years old but here…….” *weird goldblum face journey* *loki and thor stare at each other*
  • “she’s the, starts with a b—” “trash”
  • “BLARGH! LOKI!”
  • “i tried to start a revolution but no one showed up… except my mum, and her boyfriend who i hate so…”
  • loki, mouthing: then you, and me… *makes leaving motion*
  • “piss off ghost!… he’s friggin’ gone.”
  • loki’s blank trauma-fueled expression upon seeing the hulk
  • “sun’s getting real low… sun’s… sun’s getting REAL low buddy… sun’s getting–”
  • “YES! YES! THAT’S HOW IT FEELS!… sorry, i just love sports.”
  • the fact that hulk now has a personality and bonded with thor independently of bruce
  • “oh! very naked… ah, it’s in my mind now…”
  • the revengers 
  • “he turned into a snake and he knows i love snakes, so i picked it up to admire it and he turned back into himself and was like “ARRGH IT’S ME”. and he stabbed me. we were eight at the time.”
  • the orgy leisure ship 
  • “did she just saw the grand master uses this for orgies?” “yes… don’t touch anything”
  • “I CAN’T FLY AN ALIEN SPACE SHIP” “use one of your phDs!!!!” 
  • WHEN BRUCE JUMPS OUT OF THE SHIP TO BECOME THE HULK AND JUST FLOPS ONTO THE BRIDGE 
  • “IT IS I, YOUR SAVIOR”
  • WHEN THOR SHOOTS HELA WITH THE MASSIVE BOLT OF LIGHTNING AND FLIES INTO BATTLE WITH IMMIGRANT SONG BLAZING
  • loki making 0.00001 seconds of eye contact with the tesseract and everyone in the theater screaming 
  • when the hulk attacks the giant fire dude and everyone’s like “NO DUDE DON’T”
  • “The damage is not too bad. As long as the foundations are still strong, we can rebuild this place. It will become a haven for all peoples and aliens of the universe……. oh. No those foundations are gone. Sorry.“ 
  • “if you were really here i’d hug you.” “i’m here.”
  • “king of asgard” *thor awkwardly waves to entire population of asgard behind him*
  • “it’s a tie”
Mothers’ Weekend

Hello there! Long time, no see (my bad I know) but, here: an Alicia Zimmermann-centric piece as she goes to Parents’ Weekend during Jack’s freshmen year. [focus on Alicia, Jack, and Shitty] 6k


Somewhere, deep in her heart, Alicia Zimmermann knows she is a bad mother.

It started out as a worry, as maybe it does for all new mothers, that she will be a bad mother. That she won’t know what to do with a baby or a toddler that one day she will accidentally drop him or forget to feed him or feed him something he is actually allergic to or maybe she’ll scar him emotionally somehow and she worried but she survived his childhood okay. And then, after he was five or six, she stopped worrying about it. She thought she was doing pretty good. Jack had hockey and loved hockey and, sure, they didn’t have deep emotional talks but she didn’t exactly have any basis of comparison. Television families told her she was doing okay. No teenage boy wanted to have deep talks with his mother. And, look, if Jack didn’t talk to her all that much as he turned 12 and then 13, at least he was still talking to his father. Mostly still about hockey but she… she thought that had counted. Hockey was like French, to her. Another language she could understand but couldn’t quite speak. But Bob could. He was on top of it. Jack was taken care of.

She loved Jack. That was never the problem. The problem was that her love wasn’t enough. It didn’t matter. It didn’t alert her to any of the facts and maybe it even blinded her– She loved her son and her son loved hockey and so she loved hockey too. She loved her son and then her son seemed to love a boy named Kent and they never talked about it but she let Kent come over all the time and she figured they would discuss it at some point. She just… assumed everything was okay. Even after he was diagnosed with the anxiety disorder and given pills. It was always… well, that was a little problem but it’s handled and under control and everything is okay now.

See. Bad mother.

A good mother would have known somehow.

A good mother would have pushed and prodded or sensed it without even having to be told.

A good mother would have paid attention to how hard Jack was on himself. A good mother would have made sure her son had interests outside of hockey. A good mother would have known that Jack’s long silences after losses weren’t normal. A good mother would have preached balance and fostered friendships with different types of people and stopped the fucking hockey.

She didn’t though. Stop the hockey. No, not Alicia Zimmermann. She encouraged it. She went to the games and cheered the loudest and she even loved it a little bit because she thought it brought him joy, like his father. She bought into the vision: Jack playing hockey like Bob, the Zimmermann legacy continued throughout the ages…

God, she even used to tease Jack about how it took his father three years to win a Cup and she was sure Jack could manage it faster than his old man.

A good mother wouldn’t have done that. So, see, she’s always been a bad mother. Even now, now that she’s almost lost him, now that she’s promised to do better, now that she’s finally read all the books and online articles about anxiety and pressure and the danger of sports and hockey culture… now she’s still just as bad. Just for different reasons.

Now she is a bad mother because it’s Saturday afternoon and he’s been at Samwell for almost three months and she does not feel like mothers are supposed to feel in this moment.

She glances around. At the sea of other mothers and fathers crammed onto Samwell’s campus for Parents’ Weekend. They are not nervous. They are excited. Happy. Enthusiastic. Overjoyed to see the teenager they had left just a couple months ago again. To her right is a father almost (but not quite) breaking into a run to give his son a hug. To her left, a mother has burst into tears. Happy tears.

And then there’s her. She’s not excited to see Jack. Well, no. No, it’s not that she’s not excited. She is. She is. (She is. She repeats it once more just to remind herself). She is just…

She is nervous too. More nervous than she is excited.

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“Hey, Barold?” 

“Yes, dear?”

“Are you dead?”

Barry’s head pokes into the dining room table, the Neverwinter Times folded into his hands. He looks down at himself, pokes his own nose. “I don’t think so? I don’t look dead.”

Lup looks him up and down, then says, “Yep, you really don’t.”

“Why?”

In response, Lup takes the package she’s been holding, grabs it by the ends, and turns it on its head. Letters - bundled into packs bound with black ropes, spare ones scratched on torn napkins, envelopes-within-envelopes written in deep dark ink - spill all over the table.

“What are these?”

“Consolation letters,” Lup says, grinning. She plucks the first one off the table, slits it with a brightly-painted red nail, and begins to read. “‘Dear Lup Taaco, my cult and I would like to express our condolences for your loss.’ Aww, that’s so sweet, they’re cult-bonding.”

Barry narrows his eyes. “Is that a necromantic cult or a religious one?”

“Dunno.” She tosses it aside, picks up another one. “‘Dear IPRE, sorry for your loss. We hope Barry feels better soon. We know most people don’t feel better after being dead but he’s done it before.’”

Barry drifts forward, looking at the stack in apprehension and slight awe. He picks one up at random, skims it, and turns white. “Why do these people think I’m dead?”

“Don’t know, but there’s definitely a consensus, babe,” Lup says. “Aww, someone sent a bunch of dead flowers! I’ll pass them onto Merle.”

“Lup, no, this is weird. This - this is weird.”

“Yeah, for sure,” she says, leafing through the next letters. The mound grows intimidatingly the more Barry looks at it. “What did you do?”

“I - I don’t know.”

“Huh. Maybe someone started a dumb rumor. You never know the kinda shit floating around Faerun these days.”

True? Okay. Okay, no, this is just another mystery. Maybe there are clues in the truly preposterous number of letters sitting on the table. Carefully, Barry picks the first one up, a letter wrapped in a satin ribbon and addressed in dark ink so black it almost looks tar. He tears it open gently and sets the envelope aside, then begins to read.

Dear Miss Lup,

I’m really really sorry your husband is dead. I want you to know that my mom and my dad love him too and that if you ever need someone to talk to because death is a really really bad thing then you can send us a letter any time. I’d give you my mom’s frequency but I don’t know it.

Love,

Carnila

Below is an address. It’s from the far east, a remote village that Barry only knows because he passed through there while hunting for Lup a couple of years into his search.

He’s not freaking out so much as very, very confused. He’s certain he’s alive. Pulse beating in his throat and everything. So why does everyone think he’s dead?

He goes through a couple more without finding any clues. Most are of the same vein - sorry for your loss, hope you’re doing better. A couple recommend Lup some therapists in Neverwinter. Two cite him as his inspiration for practicing necromancy. He’s gonna need to pay those fans a personal visit. Probably with his scythe.

“Barry?” Lup says after a little while. She’s set the letters down and is now looking at him strangely.

He opens another one. This one’s written in blue ink. All the others have been black. Really goes to show what kind of person picked Barold J. Bluejeans, lich and necromancer-turned-reaper extraordinaire, as their favorite of the seven birds. “Yes, dear?”

“When you died, you picked up your bodies, right?”

Barry freezes. He thinks back to those ten years on his own, dying repeatedly. He’d had a process - he’d freak out, flicker a little bit, and pull himself together - with admirable speed and courage, of course. Then he’d grab his jeans (can’t leave those behind), a couple hairs, a bunch of blood (which wasn’t typically too hard to collect), the coin, some supplies, and take off for Wave Echo Cave.

He’d leave the body, though. He didn’t need it.

“Barold J. Bluejeans,” she snaps, setting down her letter with a thwack on the table. “Did you leave your corpses strewn all around this continent?”

“I only needed a little blood to make a new body!” he yelps. “I was a lich, it wasn’t like I could pick up my body and carry it with me!”

“You managed to keep the same clothes for ten years!”

“I’ve had these jeans for a hundred years, they’re precious to me!”

“That’s fair,” Lup says, grinning too widely to be angry. “So you’re telling me, these people stumbled across your dead body and thought it was you?”

“Probably,” he replies sheepishly. “I mean, in my defense, I didn’t think anyone would find it. I kinda fell off a mountain range.”

“And you didn’t go collect them when you got an actual body?” she asks, gesturing toward him.

“I was a little busy creating your body.”

Lup sighs, exasperated. She throws an envelope at him. It drifts unimpressively down to the table. “This is it, Barold. This is what you get when you don’t show up at press conferences ever. People start to think you’re literally dead.”

“I hate them,” he mumbles. “Too many spotlights and reporters and questions. I get all sweaty.”

“You’re one of the seven birds, babe. People want to know your story.”

“They already do, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, but they want to hear it from you.” She glances over her shoulder at the Taako Time™ calendar hanging on their wall and grins. “Babe, there’s one tomorrow and you’re going.”

“I don’t wanna,” he whines. “Lup, they…they suck. All the reporters and the microphones and the spotlights….”

“No arguments, dear,” Lup says, standing and crossing her arms over his head to rest her cheek on his hair. “Lucretia hates them too and she goes.”

“She was the Director of the Bureau of Balance, she’s good at that shit now,” Barry grumbles. “Besides, Davenport doesn’t have to answer questions.”

“Davenport’s at sea, babe. Getting to interview him is like finding a Shiny.”

Barry groans, tugs on a strand of Lup’s hair. It’s dyed red toward the ends. “If you loved me you wouldn’t make me go.”

“I love you,” Lup affirms, “so I’m making you go.”

“Can I at least - ”

“No, you can’t wear your tuxedo T-shirt. You have to wear the sweater vest I bought you.”

Barry slumps his head toward the table. Lup slides down his neck to rest her chin on his shoulder. “Cycle forty or sixty-eight,” he asks, words muffled by the table.

“Forty,” she decides. “I won’t make you do sequins.”

“Thank the Queen.” He straightens. There’s ink on his forehead. Lup laughs, then licks a thumb and wipes it away. “Gross.”

The letters flare in the corner of his vision. Sighing, Barry tugs Lup onto his lap. She sits with a laugh, gleeful and teasing, and reaches reaching for a letter of her own. Leaning her temple against his, she slices open another letter, and begins to read.

“Wow, babe,” she says after a couple minutes. “You’re really an inspiration for some up-and-coming dark magic babies.”

“I know,” he sighs. She chuckles and ruffles his hair affectionately. “I’m gonna have to go talk to them.”

Lup’s counterproposal is cut off by her Stone of Farspeech buzzing against her collarbone. She picks up without looking and says “Heyo, Blupjeans household, whaddya want?”

Barold J. Bluejeans!” screeches her brother’s voice through the receiver. Barry jumps. “You wanna explain to me why my dining table is fuckin’ swamped with condolence letters?!

Lup and Barry turn to stare at each other in horror. Then, right on cue, Barry’s Stone rings. He checks it. It’s Magnus’s signal. They stare at it.

“Oh Gods,” Lup groans, and picks up.

Barry? Barry, are you okay?” comes Magnus’s voice. There are a couple of dogs barking in the background, as there always are when Magnus calls. “I heard you were dead, I know it sucks, like, serious ass to be without a body, I wanted to check in, and also tell you that I’ve got a ticket for Neverwinter on hold if you need me down there - ” he says.

Lup and Barry exchange glances. Barry begins to laugh.

Loki’s Future

some random thoughts/meta after watching Ragnarok (a good ass film™️)

- After watching Ragnarok, I was struck by how similar in appearance Loki is to Hela. Same slim face and build, same pale skin, and even the same black hair. They both prefer blades to fight with and magic to communicate with. Hell, their wardrobe color schemes even match. This raised some questions for me when I was watching the film; why this deliberate choice, and how much does Loki’s appearance have an effect on how Odin treats him, in this film and others? Thor is Hela’s sister, yet we’ve seen that Odin treats Thor very, very differently to Hela and later Loki. Does Loki with his black hair and magic just remind Odin too much of his own shitty decisions? It would explain a lot about why he acts like such a dick to Loki, even when Loki was a child and not killing anyone (as far as we know haha, that kid coulda done anything)

- But there’s gotta be more to it than that. The similarities in appearance may well be Taika’s nod to the original Norse myths, but it occurred to me that it’s way too obvious a similarity, and could be pointing to something a little more complex. In the original myths, Hela is actually Loki’s daughter. Coincidence? I think not! Add this to the fact that in the mythology Loki also has a son, a gigantic wolf called Fenrir, who we also see in Ragnarok, I think there’s plenty of evidence pointing to the fact that Loki has some greater importance and connection to Asgard, running deeper than him simply being a Jotun war prize. For me it’s just too much of a coincidence that Hela and Loki are a) strongly connected in the source material b) have strongly similar appearances, fighting styles and love for chaos (to a certain extent, their characters are similar) and c) are both ‘children’ of Odin. On one of Loki’s bad days, you could call them twins. Why though? It’s been reeeeally bugging me, but I just can’t work out a direct connection, or reason as to why Hela’s character had to be built to resemble Loki.

- One answer to this is a theory I read that Loki is in fact Hela’s son. (Yeah, I know, that sounds deranged when you think about it.) The timelines align such that Hela could very easily have invaded Jotunheim with Odin before Loki’s birth. There she could have had, through some means or other, a child with Laufey, and then later abandoned it due to ‘weakness’. So… a hybrid. Loki even has black hair when he’s in his Jotun form, and that’s really fucking unusual - no other frost giant is even similar - he LOOKS like a hybrid of Hela and Laufey. Although there’s a few things off about this theory, and the MCU will probably never confirm or go into enough detail about it, AND it also makes Loki Thor’s nephew (!!!wtf!) AND Odin would have also have to have known about it the whole time (albeit explaining his behaviour), it does give reason and a cause to the weird connection and similarities between the two.

- Loki and the Tesseract. Ooooooooohhh my god. So we basically KNOW that he has it, as although we don’t see him take it in Ragnarok, it’s strongly implied, and he also is literally holding it in the leaked trailer for Infinity War. (I appreciate that some ppl don’t want to watch the leaked trailer, but it confirms he has it) Why is this important? The Tesseract is an Infinity Stone. It has power Loki knows how to use, and he’s one of the few that do. What’s Infinity War about? Infinity Stones, and Thanos. The same Thanos who’s on the hunt for Loki AND the Tesseract. I honestly don’t think Loki’s taken it for some world domination shit this time round, I think he’s taken it for power and leverage. He’s acting intelligently and planning far ahead. This is given extra gravity when you remember that Loki is the only one in the Infinity War lineup who has met and knows Thanos, and that honestly did not go well for Loki at all.

- (On a side note, I just want to talk about Loki and Thanos; it’s been theorised/discussed for ages that Thanos met Loki in the void after his fall from Asgard in Thor 1, and gave him a deal: the mission of capturing Earth, finding the Tesseract, and the tools to do so. Now, Loki’s not really one to make deals unless he can subvert them, and so the whole way through Avengers his motives for attack to me seemed uncharacteristically illogical, although I can understand his primal emotional reasons for wanting to rule. But we also saw him looking very, very ill at the beginning of that film and in the Thor 1 credits scene, and being in obvious pain - he looked like a damn meth addict. Some fans have also noted that his eyes look blue during some scenes in Avengers, like he’s being mind controlled. I completely agree with this theory: that Thanos, recognising Loki’s power, tortured him, (with heat and fire, because how else do you torture a Jotun? It explains his appearance and injuries) and mind controlled him to enact the events of Avengers. And everything that happens thereafter in the MCU makes soooo much more sense when you think about it from the torture perspective. It explains a lot about the ‘big picture’ behind all of Loki’s decisions since. He has angered the most powerful man in the universe twice: failing in giving Thanos the Tesseract, AND remaining alive.

- Which brings me back to my point - Loki is the only one who has any possible comprehension of what’s coming, so taking the Tesseract easily interprets as him acting impulsively for reasons of his own safety, and possibly the safety of those around him (he takes it after his ‘redemption’ arc). I think he still has some kind of connection or knowledge of Thanos’ presence, maybe from torture, and he can sense when shit is about to go down - and we see the beginning of it going down at the end of Ragnarok. He’s also keeping his possession of it a secret, and for obvious reasons. Knowing he’d just taken the same item that he screwed everything up for last time would completely ruin his new trust-bond ‘redemption’ arc with Thor (I kinda hate using the word redemption tho - it’s obvious from Dark World that that’s not what Loki wants or really cares about) so, he’s going to use it in some kind of bamboozle, dodgy deal, Loki-esque interaction in the future .

- I really really reeaallllyy hope they don’t just turn Loki ‘back’ into a villain in IW. It would be an insult his character and the character work Taika’s done in Ragnarok. At this point it’s weak, cheap and easy character development and a trope that’s extremely overplayed. However, HOWEVER. It would equally break my heart to see him fall completely into the other side - the role of martyrdom, righteousness and self-sacrifice in IW. We already have dozens of characters who do that, and what makes Loki more loved than all of them is that he can do both - when and how he acts is fascinating to watch. He’s every inch a chaotic neutral, and I hope so much that Marvel keeps it like that. He survives because he has no morals, likes to play both sides and he’s smart about it. It makes him compelling, godamnit.

- With Tom’s movie contract and the amount of times they’ve ‘killed’ him off already, it’s looking likely he’ll survive Infinity War. (Not looking so good for Thor though 😭IW is seriously gonna kill me too)

- Some more mythology stuff… Although in the MCU Loki’s plot usefulness is as more of a ‘bad guy’ and not he’s not a central enough character to justify such an in depth plotline, there are plenty more things the myths can give him. For example, his own honest relationships, outside of Asgard’s influence. Loki has most likely experienced a much wider range of people, creatures and places in the universe than average. He’s got lots of little secrets tucked away. For example, in mythology he has another son, called Jormungand, a giant serpent. Not likely J will ever make it to the screen though, sadly. I think that the serpent shapeshifting story in Ragnarok was perhaps a nod to that. So was Odin’s 6-legged horse Sleipnir, another of Loki’s sons.

Secondly, and of greater interest to me: in the myths, Loki has a wife called Sigyn, the goddess of intelligence. (I love her already…) with whom he has these strange animalistic (likely shapeshifting) children. Now, I know IW is really too late along his storyline to be introducing someone like Sigyn, let alone as a love interest, but god damn would it be awesome if they did. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it would be truly satisfying and also extremely entertaining to see Loki get himself a girl. Superhero movies are so often plagued by the oppressive American binary of good and evil, wherein the good guy always gets the girl, and the villain is always miserable. Seeing Loki, (a character who we know consciously does bad things and fits very well the evil stereotype, but does good things as well, and plays both sides entirely to his own benefit) get the typical stamp of a good guy would make for a more interesting, rule-breaking plot. Please, MCU, don’t let Loki fall into this binary! Let him be both! It’s what made him so extremely damn popular! that and the fact that he’s smart and funny and Tom is extremely fucking hot lol

- I also really wanna see a bit more of his magical abilities - in his villain role so far we’ve been shown he’s smarter than half the MCU, extremely skilled in in magic and combat with knives, he can teleport, he can create illusions, he can fuck with people’s heads and more. His Valkyrie knife standoff scene was interesting in Ragnarok - I’m 100% sure he deliberately lost to Valkyrie to gain access to her memories- but Thor mentioned something way more interesting: Loki is a shapeshifter. And a really good one; he’s basically in a constant shift from Jotun to Asgardian. But to animals? That’s really fucking cool, and the snake story shows how easily he can hide in plain sight. (Y’all can get the cat!Loki y’all have always wanted.) Idk I just really wanna see more of what he can do. I think further abilities/aspects of his fighting style and personality will be revealed in future though, because having the Tesseract and knowing Thanos makes him into a major plot point for IW.

- lastly can I just say I’m really digging the 80s/rock soundtrack aesthetic Marvel is pushing for

- and the c i n e m a t o g r a p h y!! Got damn.

- just protect him please for the love of all that is holy.

- That is all. Thanks for reading my ramblings. Xxxx.

clueless

Summary: Scary movies lead to protective cuddles leads to… you and Bucky?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 1,459

A/N: Here is my super late submission for my beloved Foster’s[ @lady-thor-foster ] Halloween challenge! Hope you all enjoy! | masterlist

Originally posted by xopsychogirlxo


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Fire & Desire | 1

“Kim Seokjin is everything you don’t want in a man. Cocky, full of himself and oh so annoying. And that’s what makes him the perfect fuck buddy. Because it’s not like you could ever see him as anything more than a heartless player… right?”

pairing: seokjin x reader
genre: smut, fuckboy!jin, dom!Jin
wordcount: 10.1k
a/n: *that* shower scene inspired by this picture!

part one

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Beg For It

Originally posted by nodenyingheisgolden

This is multiple requests in one. This is… dirty, to say the least. Love you all very much. Enjoy. xx - L

Harry sees what can make you feel better- toys or him.

Warnings: SMUT

Word Count: 1,381

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His Warmth (M)

Word Count: 3532
Member: Jimin x Reader
Genre: Fluff & Smut
Warnings: Cum-play, Biting, Lots of cute bc I’m in love with Jimin

It’s been two months since your boyfriend went on tour and you haven’t been able to see him, so when you unexpectedly wake up to him in your bed you just can’t seem to keep your hands to yourself.

c.

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dating tom holland...pt. 3
  • if i’m being honest, he’d probably smell amazing 24/7
  • not even his cologne just like his scent, there’s just something so comforting about him too
  • the day before he had to leave for press or filming he’d cling onto you like a koala
    • “I’m not letting go until I absolutely have to,” he’d whine as you tried to push him off
    • “tom I have to pee,”
    • “no you don’t that’s false,”
    • “GET OFF ME BEFORE BAD THINGS HAPPEN”
  • reluctantly letting go of you so you could go pee
  • hearing your name through the door
    • [Y/N]!!!”
    • “come baaaack”
    • “….I can hear you pee” followed by loud giggling as you flush the toilet and quickly was your hands
  • he promises to call, text, and facetime you as often as possible when he’s away
  • and obviously he sticks to his promises cause he’s that guy™
    • “I miss yoooouuuu”
    • “harrison doesn’t cuddle like you”
    • “I miss your cooking” 
  • reuniting with each other is both your favourite things
  • you’d be waiting at the airport, trying to be as lowkey as possible since there was already a swarm of paparazzi’s
  • him noticing you as soon as he stepped through those doors
  • running and jumping into his arms as he threw down all his belongings
    • multiple kisses all over your face
    • whispering “i’m gonna make up for all our lost time when we get home”
  • and he so does
  • not being able to keep his hands off you the second you step through the door
    • “what gotten into you, tom?” you ask as he nips at your neck and collarbones
    • he freezes before shyly looking up at you, “I-I had a dream…about you…” he trails off
  • you nearly moan at the thought of him having dirty dreams about you
  • sloppy makeup sex 
    • both your actions would be so rushed, just wanting to be connected with each other
    • “fuck, I missed you so much babygirl,” 
    • him trying to make you come at the same time as him
  • as happy as he is to see you, he’s also exhausted and starving so you tell him to take a nap as you make something for dinner
    • “but I wanna nap with my girl,” he’d try to coax 
    • “after dinner,” you bargained as he let out a huff but agreed
  •  waking him up with head scratches 
    • whining when you stop and throw the blankets off him
    • not at all fazed by his naked body
    • him being surprised at you being unfazed because ????? 
  • him always trying to get you naked
    • “let eat dinner…..naked,”
    • “let’s play strip monopoly!” “not a chance tom,” “strip uno?”
  • “tom no”
  • “TOM YES”
  • he can be such a child, hiding all your left shoes or the toothpaste because it’s only a minor inconvenience 
  • whenever you’re at home with him and his family he becomes so much more british
    • “tom I can’t understand what you’re saying anymore”
    • “WHADYA MEAN M8″
  • him getting genuinely jealous when you pay more attention to tessa than him
    • “I’m spider-man though!!!!” he’d whine as you rolled around with tessa
    • having enough of your shit and picking you up, throwing you over his shoulder and bringing you to him room
  • when tom is sick its so much worse because he’s so much more clingy but you also don’t wanna get sick
    • “just a kiss on the nose, please darling” he’d beg as you sighed, finally giving him
    • tilting his head up so you end up meeting his lips instead
    • “if you get me sick i’m gonna kill you, holland”
  • you sitting on his lap because he loves having his arms wrapped around your body
  • if you were in public he’d always be checking behind your back for paparazzi’s because it was date night 
  • baking together becomes a tradition with you guys
    • him smearing icing down your nose before licking it
    • “you taste amazing, sweetheart,” him winking before you choke on a breath  
  • you lying in his lap in bed on nights you can’t sleep
  • so he begins playing with your hair and softly singing to because he knows that’s what puts you out like a light
  • waking you up with slopping kisses all over your face
  • you’re not a morning person so you don’t appreciate being woken up and put your pillow on your face
  • so he ends up eating you out and you can’t even get angry cause it was one of the best orgasms ever
    • “still hate me for waking you up?” he asks cheekily as you roll your eyes playfully
    • that day ends up full of sex, cuddles, and food
  • working out with him but he just ends up getting distracted by all your movements 
  • which leads to post workout sex
    • “your ass looks amazing in those pants, but it looks even better without them, darling,”
  • he secretly loves being domestic with you
  • like he loves doing laundry or cleaning the apartment and even going grocery shopping because he’s imagining your future
    • “you ever think about us? in the future?” he’d ask one day and he immediately regrets it thinking you’ll start freaking out
    • “all the time, bubs,” you say with a smile and he thinks his heart is gonna leap out of his chest
  • his parents and brothers already call you an old married couple
  • both of you agreeing that you’ve still got a long ways ahead of you before you wanna get married or start a family 
  • but you both want to 
  • you’re both each others rocks, always there no matter what time it is
  • sweet little kisses throughout the day 
    • like on the nose
    • or the forehead
    • of the top of your head
  • if you’re wearings rings he’s 100 percent going to play with them when he’s holding your hand 
  • he makes sure to bring you back a souvenir from each place he visits, even if it’s a magnet you love it so much 
  • sharing headphones while waiting for the plane to start boarding 
  • playing ‘guess the song’
    • “i lose every time though,” he’d whine but you just stuck your tongue out
    • purposely playing songs he doesn’t know just to see him pout
    • “you’re just too cute,” “i’m not cute, i’m hot,” “okay, tommy, whatever you say,”
  • him getting tipsy on the plane 
    • “let’s join the mile high club,” while giggling
    • “tom i’m trying to watch a movie,”
    • “and i’m trying to get laid,”
  • he’s actually such a child sometimes and you have to threaten him with no more sex until he finally calms down
  • if he has a random question he will ask you as if you have the answer
    • “how long are giraffes necks????”
    • “how do dolphins sleep with one eye open??”
  • poking your cheeks whenever you’re ignoring him 
    • “pay attention to meeeee,”
  • lying in between his legs on his chest because he insists on having you as close to him as possible
  • YOU’RE BOTH HEAD OVER HEELS FOR EACH OTHER AND ADORE ONE ANOTHER 

A/N: i died and came back then died again i h8 myself

Suga Daddy: Part 11

Suga Daddy: Part 11 (m)

Word count: 8.3k

Genre/Warnings: smut, angst, language, dom!Yoongi, choking and dirty talk

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Summary: Yoongi comes with you to Jungkook’s graduation.

I think there might be just a few chapters left. 

Parts: {playlist} one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten

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A Pile Of Sticky Notes (Richie Tozier x Reader)

Richie Tozier x Fem!Reader

*Please don’t plagiarize my work, thank you :3*

Summary: You and Richie had a thing going, and by ‘thing’ you mean rivalry. On the outside you hate him with all your might, but secretly you’ve been slipping love notes into his locker and praying no one ever sees you. Knowing your rotten luck, the person who catches you in the act is the one person you never wanted to be caught by. 

Warnings: Cussing, because it’s Richie… Obviously. Also kissing an’ shit, and this was requested by @ireland37, who wrote their own series based off the idea. Check it out!

Word Count: 1,304


“Is it hard to be this stupid, or does it come naturally?”

Richie snorted and, grinning widely, raised his middle finger at you. You didn’t notice the red tint to his face every time the two of you argued and he never knew that your chest wanted to explode whenever he insulted you, which was odd, but it happened anyway. Whether or not he had a comeback, you enjoyed the banter.

“If you want to talk about things that come naturally then you should see me in bed.” He fires back, crumpling paper into a ball and throwing it at you. You ducked and frowned, craning your neck to look at him. You were about to say something but the teacher walked in and shushed the class, and you were forced to turn back to the front.

Halfway through the boring class, you heard a quiet ‘thwip’ sound and felt something hit the back of your head. Your hand darted up to feel your hair, pulling a tiny ball of crumpled paper out of the locks. It was, to your absolute disgust, slimy.

“Bleh! That’s disgusting!”

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self-control (part 1) - steve harrington

Steve Harrington x Reader

Warnings: Angst, some light cursing.

Summary: You’re in charge of homecoming but you don’t have a date.

A/N: OK, honestly I’m so proud of this you guys. It was like ten pages on a google docs. I hope you like it. I know a lot of people want a part 2 to twist of fate, and that will most likely happen pretty soon! But I want to do this as a series as well so we’ll see. Anyway, hope you all like it. I love the feedback, by the way, so tell me what you think!

Gif is not mine, belongs to the owner.

Originally posted by nwetss

The sound of the phone ringing woke you up. Startled, you ran a hand through your hair and looked around before registering where you were. Home. In bed. Things were normal again, right?

Wrong. It was two a.m and the phone was ringing. Why did your parents agree to get you your own line? You quickly flicked on your bedside lamp and then picked up the receiver. “Hello?” You mumbled barely coherently, slowly sitting up in bed.

“Y/N?” It was Steve. You could tell by the way he pronounced your name. Just slightly different than everyone else did. Like it had more meaning coming from his mouth.

You let out a long yawn. “Yeah, Steve. It’s me. What’s going on? Why are you calling me at-“ you glanced over at the clock on your night stand. “Two thirteen in the morning?”

“I haven’t been able to sleep at all,” he said, and you could hear the tiredness in his voice, all groggy and deeper than usual. “Let me apologize. Let me make it up to you. I fucked up, okay-“

“Fucked up is putting it lightly,” you cut him off, your words sharp like daggers. “I don’t want to talk to you about it. Especially not now.”

Steve sighed on the other line. You could almost picture him running a hand through his hair. You hated that you knew him that well. “Go to sleep, Harrington,” You said, and didn’t wait for a response before hanging up the phone.

You tried to go back to sleep but your mind kept drifting back to a few days ago, when everything starting going to shit.

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Aren’t my Friends- Sweet Pea x Reader

Originally posted by betty-and-jughead

Fandom: Riverdale

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Female!Reader

Words: 1094

Warning(s): Sadness, Loss of Friendship, Fluff

Description: With your friends always trying to set you up with someone, you come clean and tell them you already have a boyfriend. You just hoped they would have been more accepting.

Taglist: @sleepylunarwolf @stranger-films

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Don’t Freak II

Originally posted by kings-of-my-heart

Steve Harrington x Reader

PART I | PART III | PART IV | PART V

PART II


Y/N sniffled as they continued to walk down the dark, tree lined road they had been on for the last hour. Steve looked over to her.

“Are you still crying?”

No,” Y/N huffed.

“I mean, it’s fine if you are,” Steve tried to say nonchalantly.

“I know that,” She bit back a little too aggressively.

“I wouldn’t think any less of you for crying,”

“I’m not crying, Steve!” He held his arms up in surrender.

“I’m just saying,”

“Don’t you ever get tired of ‘just saying’?” She turned the upper half of her body towards him, but kept walking.

“Don’t you ever get tired of shooting everything down?” Steve did the same.

“Don’t start,” Y/N pointed at him.

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