Oh fuck I have a job interview. Fuck. Why did I apply to an office job, why did I think I was qualified, shit shit shit, what the hell do you even wear to an interview for an adminstrative assistant position? I need nice shoes don’t I?
A year ago: I was trying not to freak out before my first medical school interview.
I had also gone on a date with a random guy I met at Starbucks who ended up being a complete flop, and I had just helped plan the first annual City Year Trunk-or-Treat event at a local elementary school.
Today: I watched all my medical school lectures online from my apartment and visited one of the student-run clinics as the Assistant Director of Health Outcomes and Quality Improvement.
I also decided I want to be a Pokemon Trainer for Halloween, but discovered one of my team’s City Year students was shot and killed on Monday. And…. I could care less who I am dating.
My, my, look how far I have come.
It all goes to say, we never know where we will be in one year. Where we will be living, who we will be cherishing, what we will be accomplishing. For the first time since I started medical school, I feel steady.
I know the steady feeling doesn’t always last, but I think things like surviving my first block exam last week (Anatomy Practical + Clinical Skills Written Exam + Homeostasis Block) and accidentally breaking my phone ($100 is a large chunk of change) and missing my alarm (needed to get up at 6am…) don’t phase me as much anymore. I look back, and the only thing I was really scared of was the block exam because I’d never done it before. I’ve shattered my phone screen, and of course I’ve missed my alarm, so instead of paralysis, I just picked up the phone or my lazy self outta bed and moved on to the next thing. The past became my propellant instead of my impediment.
So at the moment, I love that I get the chance to be in the field of medicine. It feels like my past, present, and future are all catching up to each other and I hope I can remember this feeling in one year’s time.
Still fragile following her divorce, Nicola Murray impulsively buys a beautiful Victorian mansion in the English countryside. When she arrives, she soon learns why she was able to pick the house up so cheaply at auction. The house is home to the wrathful ghost of a foulmouthed colonel from the nineteenth century.
Although the ghost of “Col. Malcolm Tucker” attempts to frighten off the new owner–just as he has valiantly scared off all her predecessors–Nicola Murray is not about to let a Scottish misanthrope–ghost or not–control her life. A tumultuous battle of wits and words ensues between the house’s two strong-willed residents.
However, when Nicola reconciles with her husband and considers leaving to give her marriage a second chance, Malcolm finds himself fighting for Nicola to stay.
So… I don’t know how I’m going to explain this, but I’ll try. (I’m sorry for my bad english, btw)
I was at home in pajamas, watching some geek videos, and then, my best friend texted me telling me to go and have dinner with her at the W hotel in Barcelona. I dressed up, and went there with her, and, by the time we arrived, we saw like a hundred of girls waiting outside, so we asked them why were they there, and they told us that Louis fucking Tomlinson was here with his step-dad. So we went at the bar for a drink while waiting for another friend, and, like 10 minutes later, a group of people in their 30’s/40’s came where we were, and Louis was with them. When I saw him, I didn’t realized that it was actually Louis Tomlinson standing in front of me, and I kind of freaked out. I was like “omg omg omg Alex it’s Louis omg I’m going to die”, and she was like “wow calm down”… nevermind.
A few minutes later, we went upstairs to the restaurant, and we saw that Louis and the others were there too, but like in a room for themselves. We had dinner freaking out a little, and, by the time we finished, we went out to the balcony to smoke, and 10 minutes later, Dan appeared from literally nowhere, and my friend was like “oh it’s Dan”, and I was trying really hard to not scream or something. So I checked my phone, and at the exact same moment my friend grabbed me by my arm and I turned out, and there he was. Louis Tomlinson. In the same couch as me. just beside me. I don’t know how I did it, but I actually talked to him like “hey how are u?”, and I tried to tell him to be careful because there was a l of people waiting for him downstairs (we knew that because this girls actually asked us to go and see if he was there), but, I mean, I’m half-french /half-spanish, and my english was sooo confusing, so he didn’t understand me well. But he was like, so so so cute, he told me “well… I don’t know what you’re trying to say to me, just, we’ll go step by step”, and my friend explained it to him, because I don’t know how but she could actually speak with a good english even if her mother tongue is french. Then, we talked to him like… we had a real conversation with him, talking about life, about what he was doing in barcelona, he asked us if we could give him a cigarette, we gave him one, we asked him for his lighter and he gave it to us (he told to my friend: “sure, love” :’) ), he tried to tell us some words in french, like, (joking), “ferme ta bouche” (wich is like: shut up) and I told him “well it’s better to say ferme ta gueule, it’s more… bad ass” (ferme ta gueule is shut the fuck up), and he actually laughed at it, then he checked what I was doing on my phone (I was trying to see myself ‘cause I had a bad face today), and he was like “wtf are u doing”… and then I don’t know, we talked for like 15 minutes more or less, and he was so so sooo sweet to us. At the beginning, when I saw him passing by, I was like “oh my god I’m going to die oh my god I guess it’ll bother him if I ask him for a picture..”, but not at all! He’s one of the sweetest famous people that I’ve met, really open-minded, and chilled out. He was talking to us like if we were friends, he explained to us what he was going to do, why he came here, etc. And I think it’s because of his behaviour that I didn’t freaked out and I could talk to him so easily, we were fucking joking with him, I mean, now I think about that and I just can’t believe it.
He’s also sooo much prettier (if that’s possible) in person, and not that small ;) and he seemed so happy.
When he was going to leave, I asked him for a picture, and he laughed and said “I saw that coming”, and he gave my phone to Dan, and this guy…. he took a selfie… and then Louis was like “oh my god that’s a really bad joke”, and Dan laughed and then took the actual picture. Then they leaved, and Louis told us “Aurevoir!”, supeeer duper cuuuute :’)
I’m sure that I’m leaving some details in the story, but it was 2 hours ago and I’m still shaking, but the essential is here :)
If you ever have the chance to have him this close, just, be nice to him, I assure you that he’ll be just as sweet!
Just a word|thoughts on verbal and emotional abuse
• Your abuser will never be able to take responsibility for anything they do i.e., YOU are the reason they are acting or speaking a certain way
• You will constantly find yourself apologizing even when every fiber of your being is telling you “I’ve done nothing wrong”
• In the rare circumstance they do you a favor, your abuser will continously make a point that you better “appreciate” what they’re doing for you. If it’s a big one, in the end, they’ll use it as a manipulation tactic.
• Even once you’ve gotten out of an abusive relationship and begin a healthy one, the thought process can stick with you and memories can haunt you. You will have a hard time believing there can be a truly good person in this world capable of loving you.
1989 Tour is so magical. When Taylor comes on stage, you feel like your biggest dream just came true. You see her smile, and it’s so contagious, and no matter how big your problems are, and how sad you were before - you smile like an idiot. When it’s time for speeches, you feel like she’s not talking to the crowd of people, but directly to you, no matter where are your seats. She makes you feel so loved and you feel like you just found your place in this world. ‘Clean’ speech is the most meaningful. It’s the most life-changing thing. It doesn’t matter how miserable and bad you felt before and how much you hated yourself and your flaws. After ‘Clean’ speech you are completely new person. You start believe in yourself, and you say ‘I’m worth it’. When particular song is special to you, you cry during it, there’s no escape. All emotions you hid, show up in this moment. And when you dance, you just forget about everything bad what happened to you, it’s just gone, not for those 2 hours, but forever, because you just had the most emotional and the best dance party in your life with your best friend. She gave you the most amazing advices, she let you have your moment and she made you feel important. And when you leave the show, you’re finally clean. You just find yourself, no matter how long ago you lost it.
Because I never hear stories of how Andy Hurley is someone’s fav:
Yesterday I went to a Fall Out Boy concert, and there was a trans boy sitting close to me. He kept telling his friend that he was gonna have a beard in 10 years, and kept talking about how he couldn’t wait for the drumsolo of Andy to start. Every time Andy came on the big screen, his face would lit up and he’d poke his friend until she saw it too. With every song, he pointed out how Andy looked, or how Andy moved, it was adorable. Around halfway the concert, he got sick and had to leave for a while. When he came back, he looked super bummed he just missed a few songs, and was kind of sulking in his seat, even when Joe, Patrick, and Pete walked very close to us. After they played Immortals, it was time for Andy’s drumsolo. And I swear to God, the boy just started to glow. He was looking at the stage with a huge smile on his face, eyes huge and sparkling, looking at Andy like he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. After the drumsolo, it was as if the boy had a complete energy boost, and he sang along again and looked like he was having a great time. When the concert was over, he couldn’t stop talking about Andy, how he looked so cool, how he nailed every song, and most importantly, how he wants to be like Andy when he grows older. He was telling his friend how he was going to have a beard like Andy one day, and how he’d walk around without a shirt just like Andy, just because he can.
My point is, I think male examples are very important to trans boys, especially when they’re in their teenage years. I think it’s really amazing how just the sight of Andy Hurley could make this kid start to glow, and how it obviously gave him hope for his future, in a way. Even if Andy didn’t say a thing, let alone anything inspirational, he made this kid’s evening 10 times as good by just existing, and I think that’s really beautiful. I rarely hear stories about Andy Hurley being people’s big example, so here’s one.