my doofus boyfriend


“Thank god. I already wondered what to do with the steak next.”

Happy Steak-Blowjob-Day! Uhm..Steak AND Blowjob Day :)

The difference the word “and” can make…Dorkwin actually thought beforehand that blowing a steak was rather weird, but if it turns Levi on hell be willing to try everything o.o

Run For Your Life

Pairing: Pietro Maximoff x reader
Summary: Reader and Pietro are playing pranks, and Tony gets caught up in the crossfire
Genre: Funny fluff
Warnings: None
A/N: This just kind of happened. Oh well, it was fun to write. Feedback please xx

“Nat, you seen the running man anywhere?” I asked, collapsing on the sofa. She shrugged, shoving my feet off her lap.
“I think he was speeding around somewhere.”
I nodded, rubbing my eyes tiredly. “Any news on Bruce?” I asked cautiously. She sighed.
“Just the postcard.”
I gave her a quick hug. “He’ll get in touch soon. I know it.”
She smiled. “Thanks-HEY!”
“Hey princess.”
I rolled my eyes as Pietro sprinted up, shoving Nat off the end of the couch and pulling my feet onto his lap. I winced apologetically at Nat, who glared at Pietro. She stood up and went off to the training room.
“Hey Sonic,” I joked. He grinned, massaging my feet gently.
“What’s got you so happy?” I asked curiously.
“I’m with my beautiful girl,” he said simply. I raised my eyebrows.
“Okay, what are you up to? You only act cute when you’ve broken something and you don’t want me to be mad.”
“Can’t I show my beautiful girlfriend how much I love her?” he asked innocently. I smiled.
“I love you too, idiot.”
He opened his arms, and I moved to curl against his side, my head resting on his chest. I closed my eyes, yawning, as he tangled his fingers in my hair.
“Hey, (Y/N)?” he said suddenly. I tilted my head back to look at him.
I caught the twinkle in his eyes, and narrowed my eyes suspiciously.
He smirked. “Know what this sweater’s made of?”
“Don’t you say it,” I warned. His grin broadened.
“Boyfriend material.”
I shoved him playfully. “You’re already my boyfriend, doofus.”
He pressed a kiss to my forehead gently. “And I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”
I smiled sleepily, wrapping an arm around his waist. “You’re the craziest guy in the world.”
“No, I’m crazy for you,” he said smoothly. I rolled my eyes.
“You’ve been spending too much time with Stark,” I told him, tickling his sides. He squirmed, giggling like a girl. I laughed, sitting up to get a drink.
“So when- OW!”
A pillow collided with the side of my face, causing me to spill my drink on my shirt.
“You’re gonna pay for that one, Sonic,” I threatened, smirking. He picked up another pillow and leapt over the back of the sofa.
“Only if you can catch me.”
He disappeared, leaving a faint trail of bright blue behind him. I grinned, an idea forming in my mind.
Running to the kitchen, I grabbed a roll of cling film and proceeded to cover the doorway with it. An appropriate trap for an idiot.
I went back to the sofa, waiting with a camera set up to capture the moment.
I screamed as someone grabbed me around the waist and threw me up in the air.
“You thought that would catch me?” laughed Pietro in my ear. I started to laugh, but stopped abruptly as I heard loud footsteps approaching.
“(Y/N), are you alright?! I heard screams and-”
Pietro and I stood in shock as we watched Tony Stark collide with the sheet of cling film and go flying back to the ground. I bit my lip, trying not to laugh as he flung a string of curse words at us. Pietro had given up trying not to laugh, and was nearly crying beside me.
“We should probably run,” I said suddenly as Tony got up and glared at us with murder in his eyes. Pietro nodded hastily, and scooped me up in his arms.
“Where to?” he asked, eyeing Tony in fear as he got closer.
“Just run!” I laughed as Tony started running at us.