my dog is better than your kid

Monsta x as things I've heard on the bus
  • Shownu: Because the more I drink the less there is for the kids to drink.
  • Wonho: If you think nothing is impossible, try to slam a revolving door.
  • Minhyuk: I can't dance to save my life, but the moment I step in dog poop I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.
  • Kihyun: The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
  • Hyungwon: My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I'm not dead.
  • Jooheon: Don't annoy me this weekend, because if you do I will give your number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.
  • I.M: Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of your ears.
Why your favorite Undertale character is bad

Frisk: open your fucking eyes when you’re walking

Chara: played some relaxing ocean and wind white noise for ten minutes in a failed attempt to be creepy

Sans: would not stack more than 29 hot dogs on your head

Papyrus: does not have eight legs, thus cannot wear four pairs of hot pants

Mettaton: a calculator that you can’t play Snake on

Undyne: yellow arrows

Alphys: needs to clean her goddamn desk

Toriel: snail addict

Asgore: does not have a fish girlfriend

Napstablook: wrote a song with just the lyrics “oo oooo ooo”

Monster Kid: I never said you could share my umbrella

Muffet: forgot to feed her pet

Flowey: can’t stop you from repeatedly running into the ring of friendliness pellets at the end

Temmie: needs a better business model

Grillby: not enough grillby

Burgerpants: sucks at his job

Gaster: who?

anonymous asked:

Any suggestions for making small children a positive thing for a dog? The dog just isn't a huge fan of kids in it's personal space. I'm always on the kids to be polite and I watch them but I don't want to constantly worry and then make the dog even more uncomfortable. Kids are still kids and I don't wanna second guess everything I can't always be there to see. Like a way to increase the dogs threshold? If i practice the things kids like to do (in face, being rough) and give food will that help?

Some dogs just don’t like kids. Similar to how some dogs just don’t like other dogs, it’s better to accept that your dog doesn’t like kids rather than try to force your dog to change his mind.

You can desensitize the dog to kids being closeby, but if the dog truly doesn’t like kids in his personal space, it’s my opinion to not put the dog in a situation where there will be kids in his personal space.

My Mom, updating her internal records on Why My Kids Are Better Than Yours before Ladies Night with the rest of the PTA moms: So Kee’s gonna get rich teaching kids how to talk and writing books, and Cole’s gonna go discover a new dinosaur.  What are you gonna do, Sam?

My sister, who graduates high school in four months and who was trying to see how many bottles of nail polish she could balance on the dog without waking him up: I’m gonna get some goats and teach them to play basketball

My brother, eating an entire block of cheese: The Harlem Goat-Trotters

Was tagged by @black-star1472! Thanks love :3

·Gender: a Female, homosapien
·Star sign: Taurus
·Height: 161 cm
·Sexual Orientation: Dragonsexual. Jk, it’s guys yo. I’m a hetero.
·Hogwarts House: Sssssslythering under your bed and steal your cookies. And yes I’m your average Slytherin, and YES i wear green literally everywhere.
·Favourite color: Black, White, Green. Not necessarily in that order, but i do love a bit of red as an accent.
·Favourite animal: I think my username gave it out already. psstitscrocodilesnotalligatorstobehonestimjustmessingwithyouguysiloveyouguys
·Average hours of sleep: six is a minimum. i tend to get only four tho, it’s sad
·Cat or Dog person: DOGS. Cat thinks they’re better than me. Well, they technically are, but I WON’T SUBMIT.
·Favourite fictional character: are you kidding? I have dozens! Honestlyimprobablybementallymarriedtohanzorightnowinmymind but don’t mind that.
·Number of blankets I sleep with: One. It gets cold and hot pretty quick here in Indonesia.
·Favourite singer/band: UMM. I HAVE NO FAVORITES HONESTLY. ilistentoalotofvaporwaves/futurefunk/synthwaves/andalotofotherelectros. not bands, sorry.
·Dream trip: England, mostly. I wanna visit my birth land at least for once :( ALSO JAPAN AAAA I WANNA SIT UNDER A SAKURA TREE :(
·Dream job: Get rich without doing anything. JK i wanna work as a Lead Concept Artist at gaming industries SO BAAAD.
·When was this blog made: UHhhhhhh 2015? idk I forgot. Had an old one but it’s filled with literal trash.
·What made you decide to create this blog: To feed society with my art– JK i just love sharing around stuff. Also Im planning to make this blog as my portofolio, but uhhh. I hope I do good :(

ALSO HEYYY let me know if any one of you wanna get tagged for this;D

ALSO my Ask Box is always open, even tho i might reply a bit late since im more active in instagram rather than tumblr, i’ll try to check my inbox every now and then! Don’t be afraid to greet or ask some questions, I won’t bite i swear :3

anonymous asked:

That pretty woman sorta-ish au was soooo good If you are able to and want to can you add more to it?? I never knew I needed something this much!! Your writing is beautiful by the way!

( this scene was something I immediately thought of writing after so thank you for asking!! though oh god it got long. )

( sfw. related to this. warnings again for domestic/sexual abuse, also Neil being ignorant about sexualities, c'mon kid we raised you better than that. )

Of course the first time Andrew pulled his shirt off, he found something to bitch about.

Who did this?

It’s a hard knock life, Neil sighed with unashamed exaggeration. I tripped. Got clipped by a car. Hhm. What else? Oh– Beethoven, my dog, he plays rough.

The night had started so good, which wasn’t something Neil could usually say. The whole day had started well: a gala, as always, but Andrew got fed up with shaking hands hours before dusk and nabbed Neil before sneaking off to the just-as-busy but far-less-attentive kitchens and, from there, down to the crappiest part of the garden. Neil was pretty sure it was where they hauled in trucks full of their fancy foods, but so long as it stayed empty, Andrew didn’t seem to care.

Keep reading

Am I the only one? I can’t be ?
I can never decide which picture I want as my wallpaper, so I am constantly changing it.
I swear I am obsessed with Benji
He is my baby and I love him!
You know how people talk say “oh my kid wants the latest iPhone, the latest video game, and blah blah blah”

Well my kid just wants love.
Other things may include: treats, belly rubs, and a toy. This dog is happy with anything you give him.
My motivation for school is Benji so I can get a better paying job and provide for better food, more toys, and maybe just maybe get Benji and brother or sister

I love my kid he’s the best.
Well behaved (at most times), not high maintenance, and loves me no matter what.

Day 114
  1. Kids (around here / these days) are so much more accepting of weirdness than we were. I don’t know why; maybe it’s the anti-bullying stuff in schools, maybe they are exposed to more than we were, maybe it’s hormones in the food, maybe it’s Maybelline. Hell if I know. But I’m grateful.
  2. Sometimes letting your kid struggle is brave parenting; sometimes you’re just too traumatized to move.
  3. I “slept” with a large dog next to my head last night. Her gastric rhythms have been replaying in my head all day. I may write a rock opera around them.
  4. I’m tired enough that I hallucinated at work today. I saw myself sleeping, and in that imagined sleep, I dreamed of sleeping. It was vivid, and troubling.
  5. The year is about 31% over. How are you doing on your 2015 goals? Better than me, I’m guessing.