my dock

I still think one of my fondest memories of my mother is when I was stuck at some guy I was semi-seeing’s lake house (don’t ask), confused and pissed off because he was acting all kinds of weird, and I was sitting on the dock explaining the situation to my no-nonsense mom on the phone, and after listening to like ten minutes of me ranting she goes, perfectly seriously, totally humorless, in a thick Puerto Rican accent:

“Mm, see, the problem is if he’s one way with his friends and another way with you, how’re you going to know who the real Slim Shady is?”

And that’s the story of how an otherwise bullshit day became one of my favorite ones ever.

  • Jason Todd: Batman, this is Red Hood. I'm calling to let you know how disappointed I am in your story. How horrible you shit on me and-
  • Roy Harper: YOU LIED! YOU FUCKING LIED! WHY'D YOU DO IT!?
  • Jason Todd: STOP IT, ROY!
  • Roy Harper: YOU LIED!
  • Jason Todd: STOP! STOP! GOD DAMMIT!
  • Jason Todd: Batman, this is Red Hood calling. I'm calling to let you know how disappointed I am in your story. There’s many things that I read in here that were false, like you saying that I wore Yeezy Boost 350s to the docks with my leather jacket, when I wore vintage brown Dr Martens.
  • Roy Harper: 29 DOLLARS!
  • Jason Todd: EVERY TIME YOU FUCKING YELL I HAVE TO RE-RECORD IT!
  • Jason Todd: Batman, this is Red Hood calling. I’m calling to let you know how disappointed I am in your story and the light you shed on me when I am going through such a hard time in my life. I opened up to you so that way the world could potentially know what a great, amazing, talented, strong -
  • Roy Harper: *starts crying*
  • Jason Todd: - healthy, boy that I am – not even a boy – young man. I am petrified! Petrified with this story!
  • Roy Harper: *grunts*
  • Jason Todd: I’m so disappointed, and I’m letting you know that I will clear this up. Have a nice life. Goodbye.
  • Roy Harper: That was beautiful. You did such a good job of expressing yourself.