my distant cousins

The most amusing thing to me about Joey listing ‘Jonathan Taylor Thomas’ as her Celebrity Boy Crush is that that is literally the exact same thing I did.

As in, I went “hm, based on my peers and media representation of How to Teen Girl I am supposed to have a crush on a young male celebrity.”  So I looked around and picked one essentially at random (Jonathan Taylor Thomas aka “JTT” was my distant cousin’s obsession) and was like “yes, this is my Celebrity Boy Crush, am I now performing teenage girl heteronormativity correctly?”

I also acquired my Boy At School Crush in the same consciously analytical fashion.  This seemed reasonable.

Anyway, I still know LITERALLY nothing about Jonathan Taylor Thomas except he is blond and was one of the kids on the Home Improvement show?

in other news, goddamn, Joey, this girl, I love, I identify


thenworld  asked:

prompt: “i'm a royal in hiding and you’re a civilian who lives in the same apartment complex as me, hi”

This little ficlet is also for @the-reylo-void, who I think could do with some stupid fluff right about now.


“Do we have to use that name?”

“Yes,“ bites out Phasma, straight-backed and hands folded in front of her. She keeps her attention on the door, on all possible exits in and out of the flat, as her job demands she does. Kylo pushes his armchair forwards, to sit by the window, just to make her eye twitch.

Ben gives her a thin-lipped smile. “My mother thinks of everything, Phas.”

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dude but what if there are a handful of unofficial tests after becoming an agent

like officially unofficially, they say they want to test how much a recruit can drink on a mission before they’re impaired  

but unofficially unofficially, really it’s to get some blackmail on them so they listen to merlin on missions

so it’s all sneaky and stuff where merlin and percival are like, ‘oh good job you two, really good job. let’s have a drink’ and eggsy and roxy are suspicious but 1) free drinks 2) they’re young and naive little fools 

harry comes back and is FURIOUS he missed it so merlin, after forgiving him, shows him the highlights of the night from his and percival’s footage (swearing and mentions of sex ahead) 

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Ezio/Leonardo Fic list


The man I met at my sister s wedding 

Written after the prompt: We met at a weeding and I thought you were one of my distant cousins but apparently no one knows you . How do you get in and will you dance with me. Ezio/Leonardo 

Beginning of the Ocean

Leonardo was never a strong swimmer. And yet, he seemed drawn to the ocean in some way. He would walk along the sandy beaches by his home at dusk, stopping to stare into the void a while. The blonde would stand still for minutes at a time, letting the cold water lap at his ankles. Many people walked past him, but he paid them no mind. All he did was stare. Stare, and think.                                 “Something’s out there.” And he would find it.

Of ghosts and scares

Ezio drags Leonardo to go see a horror movie, even if Leonardo is terribly scared of them

Trip to Amboise

Leonardo is working in Amboise as a university art teacher, Ezio is still in Florence with two part-time jobs. Seeing each other becomes hard, but nothing can separate them. (Ezio/Leonardo, modern!AU)

The Plague

Kink Meme Fill: Modern day AU with bubonic plague, chaos, and one immune researcher. Inspiration from “28 Days Later”.


Leonardo and Ezio have been best friends they were children. But now that they share the same roof, Leonardo finds his patience dwindling when it comes to Ezio being around other females. Why should he keep letting himself get hurt over it? 

Group Therapy

Ezio, Leo, and Rosa in a group therapy session. Things do not go well (Crack!fic)


Leo likes Dr. Seuss. Ezio doesn’t.

Ever After

Crossover with the movie Ever After, with old!Leo and Ezio.


Finding humanity lacking, an artist pursues perfection in his work. The Pygmalion myth, by way of Assassin’s Creed.

The Colour of Magic

Leonardo never thought of himself as someone special, until the day he discovered his hidden powers. All of a sudden he was in high demand – especially from evil sorcerers like Cesare Borgia. Will Leonardo be able to survive as Borgia’s captive with the help of his new friends?

The Bond of Brotherhood

Leonardo da Vinci is wickedly clever, amazingly talented, surprisingly devious, and always there to support Ezio in his endeavors, no matter how dubiously moral. It’s never mattered before that he’s an omega, or that Ezio is an alpha. It still shouldn’t matter, except that Leonardo smells so good, and Ezio knows that there’s no one else for him to spend his heat with…

Suburban Neighbors drabble series:

  1. Suburban Neighbors  Leonardo may accidentally spot Ezio walking naked in his kitchen. Because these two are dorks.
  2. Uptown Funk  Leonardo catches Ezio dancing by his mailbox.
  3. A Favor  Ezio has a favor to ask of Leonardo.
  4. The Incident  A first kiss and the incident that follows.
  5. Sketchbook  Ezio finds Leonardo’s sketchbook.
  6. French girls  Leonardo wants to paint Ezio.
  7. Midnight Phone Call Ezio is determined to comfort Leonardo.

Non-Canon/AU Ezio/Leonardo as sideparing/not mainparing

A Day in the Life of a Mobster

Sometimes it’s good to be a gangsta

Altaïr’s Army

That one Hogwarts AU complete with mischief, kissing and the occasional hex.

A Pound of Flesh (VAMPIRE AU)

“You have a touch of melodrama in you, Altezza.”

Wind from the gathering storm whistled through the cracks and rent windows of the vacant church, the shadows long and deep from the light of the lantern on the bench at the pew. Lorenzo kept an iron hold on his instinctive fear, willing his fingers away from the silver dagger hidden under his robes. The church had been empty when he had arrived; now a man was leaning against the pulpit, long fingers folded under his chin, his smile amused, much of his aquiline face swallowed by the shadow of a white cowl.

and history books forgot about us

Shaun isn’t an idiot. He is good at connecting the dots, like he imagines the men who thought up the constellations–seeing the whole picture in the lines between the pin points of stars.                                                                                             So it’s pretty easy to figure out that Ezio is head over heels for Leonardo.             It’s a bit harder to realize he may be smitten too.

Never Have I Ever

Supernatural/AC crossover where the assassins are brothers in Desmond’s time and have commingled with the hunters. (It’s a big AU, don’t ask lol)                       They end up playing strip!Never Have I Ever, hilarity ensues.

Just Once

A modern AU set in the year 2012. Story started being written pre Revelations. After years of running from the Order, Desmond is finally discovered working at a bar in New York City. He’s reluctant to go back to being told what to do, and reluctant to leave one of his favourite surly customers, NYU history major Shaun Hastings. Altair is caught in the middle of what his Grandmaster, Al Mualim, and what his recovering partner, Malik, want from him. Ezio is just busy trying to charm as many people in Manhattan as possible. Che sorpresa!                      

Main pairing is Desmond/Shaun, with lots of Altair/Malik and some Ezio/Leonardo to top things off.

10 Things Malik Hates About Altair

Desmond Miles is new in school and he has no idea how things work, but he wants Kadar Al-Sayf and he will do anything to get him. Even have some rich idiot pay the scariest guy in the school to take out Kadar’s older brother so they can date.

Drawing Battle Lines

In a world where everybody is born submissive or Dominant, Altair struggles to find his one true place. Working as a cop in a department surrounded by Dominants doesn’t really help. When assigned to the latest case, Altair doesn’t realize yet that it will change him and his life forever. (Omega Verse shenanigans)

Writers are people so after you finished reading a fic even if it´s a one-shot or smut leave them a comment/review

anonymous asked:

My distant cousin (like close enough to know about it, too distant to have any communication with him) is a hella famous actor and I told my friend once and her reaction was "he's really hot you can't be related to him" like thanks fam much appreciated

fuckin ice cold fuvk

My Hebrew name is Hannah.  I got it from my first female Jewish ancestor to come to America.  She traveled with her fiance and his brother, and didn’t marry until they had made it all the way across the Oregon trail.  My Jewish family has been here since before the Civil War, and I have spent a lot of time tracing through her descendants, and through her brother-in-law’s decedents, finding my far-flung American family.

I am lucky.  There are piles and piles of us, a thriving family tree.  My grandparents did not lose their whole families to the gas chambers.  My parents did not grow up with the silence of absent aunts, cousins, and grandparents.

Two years back, on Yom HaShoah, I looked up my family to see if I could find them.  I did, on Yad Vashem.  I share my Hebrew name with a young girl, my distant cousin, who died in Buchenwald.  She had a little brother and parents, and they fled together to France, before the Nazis came there too.

I am lucky.  My family is so very lucky.  My grandmother was an American child during World War Two.  She was born in England, after the Holocaust had been raging for years.  She was three when her distant cousins that she had never even known existed died because of it.  Her family left for America a month after her birth, and she grew up in rural Pennsylvania, hearing nativist, pro-Nazi demagogues playing on the radios of her classmates’ families.  Her family buried their Jewishness as far down as they could, and she and my mother grew up with a very different kind of silence.

The Shoah happened within living memory.  It reverberates through the Jewish world, a piece of our history that twists and impacts everything that comes after.  I am one of the lucky ones, my family was one of the lucky ones, but no Jewish person is so lucky as to be untouched, or unscathed.

On Yom HaShoah, we remember our dead, and we remember the dead who have no one left to remember them.  May their memories be a blessing.  And we remember the living, who carry this history with them in their memories.  May those memories be a blessing as well.

“So one of my distant cousins is getting married, and even though I haven’t talked to her in forever, she insists I have to go. And she’s a stickler for the little things and somewhat of a snob, if we’re going to be completely honest.” Holding up a tie in one hand, Matt asked, “A or B?” He added, “And you’re most likely going to have to help me pick out a wedding gift too. What do newlyweds even want? A blender?”

"Take that off, I just wanna look at you"


No make up.

Hair wild.

My breast are long.

My ass isn’t perky.

It has dimples too.

Thigh gap nonexistent.

My gut jiggles.

My back is striped and creased.

My face has many different pigments

Freckles too.

And scars.

My eyebrows are wild.

Distant cousins not sisters.

Feet are long.

And big


He held me.

Felt like he kissed my soul.


I’ve never been so amazed by such a creation.

I could look at you forever.

Breath taking.