my denim

Went to the desert for Desert and Denim and had to spend some time driving the backroads of Joshua Tree and got inspired. Started putting some songs together on a playlist while rolling around.
Then I started contemplating my navel after eating mushrooms… Then saw some pretty girls and walked to the campfire where I saw some people I might know.
Was thinking about the crew I get to hang with now and then… so many people just trying something. Sometimes it is cool. Sometimes it is trying too hard. Sometimes it is really bad. 
But it is the trying something that I like. That is what I left my small town for. That is why I wound up in California. 
People doing something. Maybe we do it for all the wrong reasons. Maybe we do it cuz we are as free as eagles and we dare to soar. Maybe we do it for a girl or a dude. Maybe I did it because I didn’t want to be who I was and wanted to find out what I could be. Maybe we do it cuz we don’t know yet. 
Maybe we are all just part of the Turquoise Mafia rolling around caring about shit trying to have a good time. 

39 sides for 39 turns round the sun. 

Either way, here is some music for you. 

https://open.spotify.com/user/1213982648/playlist/7CWN35C5x2XZ77kDK5Zb4z

i’m gonna find my denim jacket and then i’m gonna write KURT COBAIN WAS A GIRL on the back in sharpie. I’m also gonna buy a cigarette roller. this spring is all about superficially regressing to high school aesthetics while also growing and maturing as a person. I’m gonna apply for taps student staff also

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.