!!! I finally found you on my dash after searching so hard because I remember reading the anons who ask for advice and you just seem to put your heart into it and I feel comfortable talking to you. See, the thing is, lately I've been questioning my gender.. I feel that I know that both physically and biologically I'm a woman (the obvious parts kind of give it away), but when someone jokingly or whatever call me a boy, I don't mind and kind of.. feel happy and comfortable with it. ** (1/2)
**(2/2) I don’t think that I’d consider myself transgender as most times than not, I’m okay with the way I look and my gender. Though.. when asked questions like male/female in applications, I sometimes go through similar thoughts to ask where I’m confused. I think.. I want to have the pronouns they/their, but I’m worried about how other people react to that because my physical appearance is very feminine. Ugh… I don’t really know how to explain it and I can hope you can make sense out of it.
Firstly, I’m so happy that my advice has encouraged you to come to me with your predicament! Second: Oh gosh, I’m not the best person at all to talk about questioning your gender, but I had one of my RL best friends go through something similar fairly recently, so maybe I can help a bit.
My friend, who I’ll call Jack, recently came out as a transman, and is now starting to begin the transitioning process after a lot of soul searching. He was around 30 when he started questioning, came out as transmasculine last year and as transgender just a month ago, complete with the full name change (he’s now 33). Jack, though, has always been a tomboy, and didn’t care if anyone called him “him” (which is what his nieces called him because they couldn’t say ‘her’) even when he was still Jill; perhaps the kids were more perceptive than we gave them credit for.
ANYWAY, the point I’m trying to make is that when he was ready, he told us that he was more comfortable with “they”, and then “him” pronouns; and it was up to HIM what he wanted to be called, and he changed when he was ready to do it. In your case, it could be that you’re genderfluid, since some days you feel fine identifying as a he, and others as a she; from what I understand, transgender people are not comfortable being referred to their prior pronouns. If you want to be called “they” then YOU TELL PEOPLE it’s YOUR PREFERRED PRONOUN. You can be the most masculine man or the most feminine woman and still be genderfluid or non-binary or want to use a different pronoun. YOU define you, not the people around you. Tell people you “want to try on” using ‘they’ (that’s how Jack told us to try out “he” just a few months before he changed his name and dead-named “Jill”), and if they don’t respect it, then gently remind them that you feel more comfortable with “they” and it makes you feel more like who you really are.
Remember, Lovely, there is NO DEADLINE to when you figure yourself out. Try on whatever pronoun you feel comfortable with, and embrace it, and take some time out to do some soul searching – REAL soul searching. It will be terrifying, but you will feel much better once the fog of confusion lifts.
I welcome any of my trans / non-binary / genderfluid followers to offer their advice for my Nonny, since they would obviously know better than my second-hand opinion <3